


You Only Live Once

by Hichanchen, Smut_Hemingway



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Bottom Chae Hyungwon, Changkyun is a doc too, Complete, Crack, Doctor Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Eternal Life, Fantasy, Fluff, Gumiho Chae Hyungwon, Heterochromia, Hoseok is a cardiovascular surgeon, Hoseok is super stubborn, HyungWonho - Freeform, Hyungwon has pink hair, Hyungwon is a hungry fox, Hyungwon is a misanthrope, Kihyun is an intimidating halfblood, M/M, Magical Mambo Jambo, Model Chae Hyungwon, Short mention of Minhyuk, Slow Burn, Smut, Terminal Illnesses, There are mentions of blood, Top Shin Hoseok | Wonho, but in the past, did you know that foxes have huge prostates?, discussions about death, it’s personal, look this is gay, love is not easy, scientifically accurate, there is really a lot due to the topic, we always finish our fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-20 12:09:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 179,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14894387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hichanchen/pseuds/Hichanchen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smut_Hemingway/pseuds/Smut_Hemingway
Summary: Hyungwon is a mystical being, aGumihoas human kind likes to call it, one that isn't bound by anything apart from his own piled up memories and the necessity to gain life force. Working as a model for his alibi, he encounters a human that doesn't immediately react to his luring and denies him instead. Not getting what he wants causes him to develop an interest in the strong will and ambivalence towards death, that the strangely altruistic human named Hoseok seems to possess.Hoseok is a cardiovascular surgeon who is preparing to dive into everyday life after recovering from a terminal illness. Thinking about the changes in his personality and attitude towards life, he meets Hyungwon, who is so different from everything he knows. The pink-haired man with the interesting eyes does not care about him at all, but wants a kiss, which makes him curious until he starts developing affection for the being that he was not bound to be with, learning lessons about himself and about life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> we are back at it again and have brought you another work. This time it is a genre we haven't explored yet, namely Fantasy :D As always there is a lot of tension and development as that is what we love to occupy ourselves with.
> 
> A **video teaser** for this story has been published which you can watch [HERE.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfY0yDnU9sc)  
>  We can't wait to hear what you think about our still psychological but also a little philosophical approach to the topic in this one :D
> 
> Short notice from @Smut_Hemingway:  
> Although there's always a part of myself in every character I write, Hoseok's character in this fic seems to be the most personal character I've written so far, as I myself got diagnosed with cancer ten years ago, right before my high school finals, received high dosage chemotherapy for almost 8 months and survived.  
> A lot of Hoseok's thoughts and views in this fic are based on my experiences and it's even more meaningful for me to write about this topic after ten years passed =)  
> I hope you'll enjoy the ride and feel free to talk to me about this, it's a topic I sincerely like discussing and talking about. 
> 
> We are really hoping that you will enjoy this story as much as our previous works if not more :)
> 
>    
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We write one character each, also if it is the perspective of the respective other character  
> @Hichanchen writes Hyungwon (and Kihyun) and  
> @Smut_Hemingway writes Wonho/Hoseok (and Changkyun+[Minhyuk])
> 
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)

Brushing his hand through his short, black hair, Hoseok kept asking himself whether he'd be able to get used to the feeling of the smooth curls slipping through the spaces between his fingers.

_ Humans are able to get used to a lot of things and so will you, probably forgetting everything in a couple of weeks and months. _

He didn't want to forget anything though, it felt like yesterday and it felt as if he had gained some extraordinary knowledge about life that seemed to slip away little by little.

The black screen of his smartphone lit up, indicating a message from his best friend.

His only friend.

‘So what about this evening? I don't have any night duty today, so let's meet at the Auroom bar. I'll tell you a funny story about the dude who tried to give his girlfriend a Valentine's day present, it was the best, I swear.’

Changkyun and him hadn't met for a couple of weeks because the other man had been working a lot, very much like Hoseok before life force-taught him that he had to take a break.

_ You still have three months left of your sabbatical. _

He wanted to finish a couple of personal projects during that time, for example the full body painting he intended on doing, but hadn't found a fitting person for. He had gotten interested in painting during his forced holiday in the swiss Alps. There had been only white mountains, green plants, small birds, the deafening stream of ice blue water and air, so much air. Drawing on paper first, he hadn't been able to help but perceive the static structure as uncomfortable.

A person he had met there had told him about body paint. He had tried and was mesmerised by the dynamics his art was able to develop by being placed over human skin. The wish to paint a whole body had been there since then.

_ It can't be just some random body though. _

Hoseok stood up from the yellow couch he had bought a month ago, giving his apartment the kind of colour-mindfuck it needed and stepped over the fluffy green carpet, moving in the direction of his bedroom.

Pulling a blue shirt over his naked upper body he felt a comfortable feeling spreading inside his chest at the thought of meeting Changkyun. He wanted to squish the shorter man and tell him how much he had missed him, probably earning an embarrassed laugh accompanied by a playful display of disgust.

It was early summer, the heat retreated a little after its high, leaving Munich in an aura of pleasant 20 degrees Celsius and a light breeze coming from the Alps. Hoseok breathed in, closing his eyes and gasping at the sensation before he almost got hit by a passing bicycle, an older woman screaming at him to get the fuck out of the bicycle lane.

He loved Munich.

The route to the meeting point was short as his apartment was located in the middle of the city in a nice quarter, characterized by flower arrangements on windowsills, old residential buildings and mostly young people strolling past the pretty little bars and coffee shops, one dude walking with his bare feet over the dirty asphalt.

_ Probably some sociology major. _

_ Or a millionairess’ son. Who knows. _

The bar was pretty filled for a Thursday evening and he spotted the short black-haired man at one of the smaller tables located next the extensively decorated wall.

“I almost forgot what you look like, how's the emergency room doing without me?” Hoseok asked and sat down on the comfortable black leather chair, pulling it closer to the table.

Changkyun grinned and stretched out a hand towards his head, ruffling his hair repeatedly.

“I love your locks, you look really cute and it got much longer too! Everything is going back to how it was, right?”

_ No. And it also shouldn't. _ _  
_

“The human body is magical, it recovers much faster than the mind does. You look tired, lots of patients today?” he asked, giving the waiter a sign and ordering a ‘Pine Seed Old Fashioned’. One of his favourite drinks.

A small knowing smile hushed over the handsome features as the younger man took a sip of his whisky based cocktail, smacking his lips and brushing his black bangs back.

“You're fine now, that's the most important. The emergency room is hilarious. If it doesn't kill you through the insane amount of work it'll at least make you laugh.” A bright grin followed and Changkyun started gesturing while telling him about different kinds of patients and situations. “Like this dude, boy if you want to surprise your chick, don't put a fucking rose inside your urethra. With thorns, Hoseok. He thanked us a lot after he was able to pee without thorns inside his dick.”

Hoseok laughed and took a sip of the delicious mixed drink that had been placed in front of him during his friend's monologue.

“So the usual. I miss it a little, but I want to do a couple of things for myself before coming back.”

Concentrating on the different colours of his drink and how the pine aroma developed inside his mouth Hoseok smiled to himself.

“I dreamt that all of it had been an hallucination, but then I woke up and didn't know whether I should've felt sad or happy, it's strange. It still is.” His best friend pulled at the skin of his underarm, a nervous gesture that was accompanied by a smile that looked a little apologetic.

Something about the way Changkyun had looked made him want to share something personal with his friend.

“It's not your fault. I dreamt about the pink-haired man again. I didn't tell you because it was creepy the first time and it became even creepier later. The dream seemed super real, I was at some medicine faculty party and the man was really beautiful although I can't really remember what he looked like. He flirted with me and we ended up making out in a dark room, it felt super intense but he pushed me away staring at me with a smirk. He looked unreal, one eye was brown and the other in a crazy ice blue with an oval shaped pupil. His mouth was slightly open, he had sharp teeth and told me he's not interested because I'll be dying soon anyway. It was a month before it all happened and I still sometimes dream about it. I know it's bullshit, really, but it seemed so real back then.” Taking another sip he looked up to see his best friend's reaction to the mental story.

“So you're telling me you dreamt about some demonic dude telling you that you'll die after making out with you? You sure it wasn't your ex? Although it's not quite accurate, he would've had obvious horns in that case.” Changkyun chuckled and continued pinching his arm. “But the pink devil wasn't right so it doesn't matter, right? Did you think about doing some therapy or anything? Might be good considering your state.” The pinching turned into gentle stroking as the shorter man focused his black eyes on him.

“I'm fine, I really am, life is great,” Hoseok answered and placed his palm on the smaller one. “I need to find a nice body to paint, that will be the best therapy, believe me.”

“You're a pervert, Hoseok.” His best friend huffed, removing his hand from under Hoseok's palm and grinning, shooting a finger gun at him. “But you're my favourite pervert. Shouldn't you start thinking about your sexual activity? You probably haven’t gotten laid for centuries.”

_ True. _

“What sexual activity? I'm just happy that my dick didn't fall off from all the chemicals they tried to poison me with.” He shot a finger gun back and laughed showing his teeth. “Thank you for worrying about me, Changkyun. You don't know how thankful I am, for everything.”

Changkyun was most definitely his favourite human being.

_

 

Instagram was a time consuming shithole. Everybody knew it and still everybody kept wasting their time by going through their personal timeline, liking pictures out of boredom, affection or to prove something to themselves or others, posting mostly to get positive feedback.

Hoseok had Instagram to follow some of his favourite tattoo artists, body painters or people like Changkyun, who tried hard to fool others into believing that he did anything else besides working like a mental person. Which he didn't. He just worked, slept and smoked. Hoseok missed the cigarettes a little after quitting a year ago.

His index finger kept swiping over the smooth surface of his smartphone display until he stopped, eyes widening suddenly as the feeling of free falling spread slowly inside his stomach.

_ What the fuck, Hoseok? _

He scrolled back, trying to determine what the stimulus for his reaction might have been, picture after picture repeating until he stumbled upon a promotional post. It was an advertisement for swimwear, the model had pink hair, bangs hanging over the forehead, golden skin and a thin but lean build.

_ It's not him, he has brown eyes. _

Still the soft pink hair was special for a model, but the reason why he had looked twice had been the body. It was mesmerising, perfectly fitting for his project. He wanted to paint it. All of it.

_ Time to be a creepy pervert. _

A bit of research had been rather fruitful and he had the email address of the manager. There was no proper way to ask someone to get stuff drawn on their naked body so he just went with the truth, telling the guy named Max that he did body painting and would like to book the pink-haired model for an approximately seven hour long session.

_ Thank spaghetti monster that you have enough money for this shit. He's probably expensive. _

_ And hope that he'll say yes. _

Hoseok spent the rest of the day running twenty kilometres along the Isar river, lifting weights to keep his body in form and thinking about a specific motif he could draw in the rare case that the handsome pink-haired guy agreed to be the tool for his artsy but slightly creepy body painting project.

_ You're good though. You could also give him a free bypass instead of money, if he's interested. _

He shook his head at himself, angry about the fact that studying medicine and having a proper sense of humour were negatively correlated.

The notification arrived just in time to stop him from reminiscing on bad examples of misunderstood humorous comments. It was Max, replying casually without any polite forms and just saying that ‘Hyungwon’, which must have been the name of the model, was up for it and would discuss the monetary payment himself. In person.

_ Well who's creepy now? _

Jumping up a little from all the excitement he dialled the written number and couldn't believe his ears as the fabulous sounding man had suggested Sunday, as if it had been the most natural job in the world. Super average, just casually getting undressed and getting stuff drawn on his naked body.

_ It means you have to get everything ready in two days. Hallelujah. _

Humans were so funny, he could do a highly precise surgery on an open heart, being Dr. Lee, but he could also run around his apartment in underwear, dropping his phone on the way and stumble over the carpet, face planting as a glorious finish.

_ Good job, Dr. Lee. _

Hoseok was a dumbass, but he was alive and that made him incredibly happy, even while face-planting the fluffy carpet. Lying on it for a couple of seconds longer than appropriate, he thought about the motif. It had to be something that was his but at the same time fitting to the body and face.

A big smile spread his cheeks.

_ Your project, finally you will be able to do it. _

_  
  
  


The motif was a tree. A cherry tree, blooming beautifully just like it did last year when his life had changed completely. He still remembered the day, during his break before an eight hour long surgery he had decided to take a walk outside. Strolling along the broad pathways in the English Garden, Hoseok had enjoyed how the brown branches were covered in a soft pink, small petals floating through the air at the fresh wind, blowing his bangs away from his forehead.   


_ And then it hit you like a train. _

It did. But seeing the cherry blossoms again two months ago, he had developed the wish to paint a tree as a project, making the statement even stronger through the fact that it was a living human being covered in color and containing life. The pink-haired model made him think about the cherry blossoms and how aesthetic it would look along with the hair colour, adding meaning through the final motive, like a perfect finish.   


_ You can start working then, your boss can't wait for you to finally come back. _

Hoseok wanted to go back to work, but first he needed to finish this one thing.

Arriving at the rented art studio, he set up his colour palette and the brushes, phone put on sound and the smooth leather surface cleaned and covered with a black cloth. Everything was ready apart from the main character. The model named Hyungwon had received the location from him via email and he hoped that the man was able to find it.

A short glance at his watch revealed that it was time, his heartbeat picked up and he arranged his black jeans comfortably low on his hips before pulling the black t-shirt under the waistband. Black clothes were a must for painting, at least for him, as Hyungwon had to be naked anyway.

The door to the studio opened, the person behind it using a sufficient amount of strength to throw it against the wall but stopping it just in time. Hyungwon was easy to recognize with the light pink hair, not too bright as it had appeared on the Instagram ad but rather similar to the actual colour of cherry blossoms. The tall and slim man must have dyed it only recently as the colour had been the same throughout the strands, including the roots.

The slim body was clad in tight black jeans and a simple white shirt, loose on the narrow frame but easily complimented by a leather jacket and sunglasses, appearing rather fierce despite the hair colour.

“I'm guessing you are the ‘particularly interested guy’ that wanted to paint my body,” the model remarked nonchalantly, lowering the sunglasses a little bit as he turned around, skipping the greeting. Closing the door, a smile spreading over the unusually handsome face as the light brown eyes appeared to eat him up, sucking in his image like a sponge before the orbs finally focused on his face, as if it was the least relevant.

_ Wow. _

The model was not only beautiful, but also somehow intimidating, brown eyes jumping from his nose to his mouth and finally the eyes, plump unusually red lips spreading into a grin, sharp incisor teeth showing. Hoseok stepped closer and stretched out a hand to introduce himself.

“Yes, I am the guy, my name is Hoseok. I didn't think you'd agree to be honest, but the luck is all mine lately.” Smiling he looked into the big eyes.

“Is that so?” the pink-haired man replied, but it didn't seem like the question was meant to be answered. The model removed the sunglasses completely, putting them into the pocket of his leather jacket as he took it off and hung it over one of the chairs on the side. The other man was rather effective in his motions. “Sweet. It's nice to think that one is lucky. What exactly do you want me to do for seven hours and what are you offering, Hoseok?”

_ That's probably how models survive, they don't have to cut people for money and moral superiority. _

“I'm going to paint a tree on your body, as I already told your manager. The reason is not relevant for you so I'll skip that. I'm offering money, I thought that was clear. Max told me you wanted to talk about it in person so I guess now is a good time.” He grinned and turned around. Walking further into the space he glanced towards the big window which was letting in a lot of natural light.

_ It will look great. _

“A tree?” A perfectly formed and equally pink eyebrow was raised as the model followed him. Again it didn't seem like he expected an answer. “I don't care about the reason. Usually my hours cost quite a bit so I was rather curious why a random Instagram guy would want to hire me for nude painting. Can you even afford this?”

_ What timing. _

“You're here so you must've thought that I can. The random Instagram guy wants to draw a cherry blossom tree because your body looks like one and your hair looks like cherry blossoms, so it fits. Tell me how much and you'll get it. And a bypass if you want.” He couldn't help the comment, pinching himself and finally turning around after getting his professional attitude out of its hideout. “You'd need to undress and lie down on the leather table for the first part. You'd have to stand afterwards and I'll draw it, take pictures after it's done and you'll be able to wash it off here before going home. That's basically it.”

The model was watching him carefully, eyes focused on his hands and the way they moved until the gaze finally settled on his face. The plump lips spread in a grin and long fingers brushed a few pink strands to the back.

“It was irrelevant to me whether you can pay because the task seemed interesting. Just make sure to paint well.” Still grinning the handsome man pulled his shirt over his head with one hand and easily slipped out of his shoes and jeans, not appearing the least embarrassed. Once the socks and underwear joined the small heap of clothes on the side, he licked over his lips and lay down on the leather table, exhaling softly. The model was fully shaved, skin absolutely smooth and proportions perfect. It was really beautiful to look at. “You should offer a bypass to someone who really needs it. Being young and slim in addition to rather sporty I doubt that my risk for cardiovascular disease is high enough to bother with a bypass, but that's sweet of you I guess.”

Hoseok watched the slim figure attentively, mesmerised by the fact that the pictures didn't do it any justice. The skin had a beautiful golden tone and lean muscles covered the torso and limbs. Smiling at the sarcasm he sat down on the chair next to the table and inspected the proportions, thinking about the motif once again.

“Your overall risk is one thing, the real occurrence another. You can still get it even if the likelihood is one percent. You'll never know whether you're the one or the ninety nine.”

The model turned his head to the side to watch him properly, eyes still as expressive as before and arms moving up to cross under the pink head.

“That's true. In principle. But I still don't require a bypass. Either way, I think you should be painting now, shouldn't you?” Again an eyebrow rose, paired with a grin as the other man shifted to lie down more comfortably, visibly completely unbothered by his nakedness.

_ Sassy ass. _

“No. I'm looking over your body lines to see how to arrange the motif. You really talk a lot for a tree.” Hoseok chuckled and leaned closer, trying to get a better view of the sharp hip bones.

For a short moment it seemed like there had been some movement on the side, something resembling a spark or bright light. However when he turned towards the model’s face there were just the brown eyes staring at him in addition to the almost permanent smirk.

“You’re lucky that I'm in a good mood today,” the pink-haired man commented and shut his eyes, lips still a little spread.

“I told you the luck is all mine,” Hoseok answered and tilted his head, smiling and full of excitement. “It'll be amazing.”

He had thought about the background colour before, but Hyungwon’s natural skin tone was simply stunning so he forgot about it and took the beautiful brown colour he had mixed at home while preparing for the session. Dipping the middle sized brush into the mixture, Hoseok moved his chair towards the body on the table and placed a first stroke on the right pec muscle, continuing towards the arm. He could feel the heartbeat pumping against his hand. Alarmingly fast.

There was no reaction, not even a jerk at the probably cold sensation as the other man kept his eyes closed. Soft, calm breath sounds left the round nose despite the fast hammering of his heart.

_ But why? He can't be scared, he looks as if he's reading a newspaper on his couch. _

“Are you excited? Your pulse is pretty fast, it must be about 125 bpm, which is a lot for someone lying on a table and having no trouble breathing.” He drew another branch that appeared on the long neck, colour complimenting the golden skin. The temperature was warm, extraordinary warm.

_ Is he ill? That could be it. A cold? _

“Dying of excitement, doctor,” the pink-haired man remarked, but it was obviously sarcastic. Opening one eye the model stared at him, remaining absolutely still to not disturb the brush strokes. “It tends to be like that sometimes. My heart settles after a while and is definitely not a reason to be concerned. Just paint.”

_ Cute. But you can't torture an ill person for seven hours, you have to hurry up. _

“I'm a cardiovascular surgeon and my experience tells me that it's tachycardia which would be fine if it’s acute but should definitely be checked if it’s chronic. Your body temperature too though, I'm pretty sure that it's over 39. You're ill. I'll finish this one fast and make you a cup of tea, please tell me if it gets uncomfortable.” Hoseok lifted his gaze and smiled in apology. “You must feel cold.” He placed his free palm against the hot forehead, leaving it there for a couple of seconds and thereby confirming his suspicions.

_ Probably a viral infection. _

It was a little strange how the large eyes narrowed, change obvious with how the whole impression adjusted and became a little more intimidating, especially since the smile remained in place. The model seemed annoyed but weirdly cheerful nevertheless.

“I’m not cold and even if you are a cardiovascular surgeon things might not be as they seem. I tend to have heightened temperature independent of a cold. Just stay with painting while you are with me and stop annoying me with your health care bullshit. I'm fine,” he remarked and continued watching him. “You're here for painting and not for making me tea.”

“I will paint, but I'll also make you tea, it's a package. Health care is not bullshit. Did you get the condition checked by a doc or in a clinic? In addition I'm used to annoying people but they end up alive instead of dead because I equal out their personal stupidity so it pays off.” He smiled at the intimidating gaze. Something about the model seemed dangerous, as if he couldn't really predict what the pink-haired man would do next.

_ What can he do? Eat you? _

“I don't drink tea, I got it checked and it's none of your business and please get your head out of other people's health concerns. At least out of mine because I'm perfectly capable of being concerned for myself. Thank you, Dr. body paint.” The tall man rolled his eyes, visibly annoyed this time as he licked over his plump lips and stared at the brush in Hoseok’s hand, following the movements.

“Dr. Lee, but you can call me Hoseok. You have a really nice body, at least for drawing trees on.” Hoseok chuckled and slid the brush further down the toned stomach, painting the golden skin in the pretty brown. “What do you drink then? Blood?” He laughed before catching himself and painting around the delicate navel.

A smirk spread over the plump lips as the light brown eyes focused on Hoseok’s face instead of the brush, large as they had been before.

“Yeah,” the pink-haired man replied as if it was nothing. “And I'm sure my body is good for a lot of things apart from drawing trees on. You're the first with rather peculiar requests.”

“True, you're making money with it, and with your face I guess. My face is not that important in my job, unless my smile helps the people to allow me to cut them open. How old are you by the way? You seem young.” He didn't look up at the other man's face, simply concentrating on the motif, painting the lower stomach with practiced brush strokes.   
  
_ He must be about twenty years old. _

“Old enough.” The voice was rather low, especially if Hoseok considered the delicate appearance. Sharing personal information seemed to be a challenge for the other man. “And your face is absolutely irrelevant because most people don't even see your face. You're a surgeon, right? Means you get the anesthetized patient and can do your job, unless you have them half awake, which I strongly doubt with bypass and heart surgeries. But you do have a nice smile if that was what you were hinting at.”

“My face is important because I work at the emergency room a lot, talking to patients and their guardians about the surgery and getting consent. It's not like I'm knocking them out with a barge pole and cutting their chest open. I have to talk about their concerns and make sure they know about possible risks. I want them to live in the end and to make their decision consciously.” Hoseok arrived at the other man's groin looking up shortly. “I'm going to paint between your legs too, so don't get shocked.” He grinned and was again surprised about the effect the handsome face had on him. There was something unusual about it but he didn't know what it was.

“Oh, what a good doctor you are, Hoseok,” the model remarked, still nonchalant and absolutely uninterested that Hoseok was about to paint on his dick. “Knocking them out might be more efficient though. Why the hell are you here and painting then, instead of saving people's lives?”

_ Because you need to get yours back first. _

“I like helping people, it makes me happy. I'm painting because I wanted to do this as a final project before going back to work. I didn't work for a little more than a year. Why did you say yes? Don't you normally do Armani underwear and all that buzz?” Hoseok took a brush that was softer in texture and started painting between the lean thighs, spreading them a little.

“Usually people like you die out pretty quickly. Sweet to see that natural selection hasn’t taken its toll on you yet. Unless you have an ulterior motive of course.” The pink-haired man glanced down to see what Hoseok was painting before resting on his arms again. “I usually do photoshoots, but I'm easily bored and this sounded interesting. I would have dropped it if your drawing had sucked but since it’s rather pretty I'm fine with it.”

_ You could've died but you didn't. _

“What motive? It just feels nice, just like making you tea as I don't have human blood for you. I really like how the colour looks on your body. I’m almost finished and will draw the petals soon. I think it will fit really well with your hair. So pretty.” Smiling at the already drawn branches he slid his index finger along one of them, tracing the way it spread along the delicate neck.

The brown eyes immediately settled on him as soon as his hands touched the golden skin with his fingers instead of the brush. It felt sudden, intimidating aura returning as soon as he met the intense gaze.

“You could be doing it because you want something in return. Thankfulness, acknowledgement or money. There are a lot of things you might be getting from helpful actions towards other people. A mere feeling seems rather untruthful as a reason.” Hoseok could feel the fast heartbeat under his fingertips, veins pumping blood without a break and much faster than they should have during resting state. “I can't wait to see the petals.”

_ It's beating way too fast, Hoseok, it’s been like this for an hour already. _

“I can't wait to see them too,” Hoseok whispered, tracing the last branch before lifting his hand and placing it back on his lap. “I don't need anything, thankfulness? No thanks. Money? I have enough as I don't need much. Acknowledgement? Irrelevant, I don't define myself through stuff like that. I'm human and I have a limited amount of time here, so I'm trying to make the most out of it for myself and people around me.” He stood up and walked over to the small kitchen in the corner, putting cold water into the electric kettle, turning it on.

He could feel the other man's eyes on his back, the feeling of being watched not disappearing throughout the whole action.

“I have difficulties believing that, Hoseok. I feel like you would act just as selfish as everyone else once resources end and only a few can survive. It's human.” He could hear how the model shifted on the table, probably sitting up. “It's disgusting. Just like tea, which I hope you are making for yourself.”

“You seem to have some strong opinions about beverages and humanity. It's fine, just seems as if you're bitter about something. I can understand that you're disappointed in people but tea didn't do you dirty, did it?” He chuckled and turned around leaning against the counter while propping up on both arms.

The other man laughed shortly, lips spreading and eyes widening a little instead of narrowing as they should have.

“Tea has betrayed my whole family, Hoseok. It's the incarnation of evil,” the model commented, smile remaining as he stopped himself from crossing his legs in the last moment, remembering the delicate branches covering them. “Strong opinions are important. As long as you're still open for rational arguments.”

“Whatever you say. You can remain seated like this, I'll just sit down between your legs to draw the rest.” He grabbed a white cup, placing a tea bag inside and pouring the boiling water over it. “Do you want to drink something else?”

“No, thank you. But don't you want to draw on my back as well? Backside of the thighs etcetera. It appears a little bland like this.” The pink-haired man watched him intently and spread his legs a little, just the right amount to accommodate him between them without the slightest hint of embarrassment.

_ So fortunate. _

“I wanted to, but you keep telling me that you're not ill and I personally think it's bullshit. You told me that it's not my business, but the drawing is, so I can do only half of it so that you can go home earlier and get the rest your body needs to recover.” Hoseok pushed himself from the counter and crossed the distance, sitting down on the round chair and rolling towards the other man until there were only about ten centimetres between their bodies.

“I’m fine. Will you do the whole thing if I drink that stupid tea of yours? I want to see it in completion, there is no point in unfinished work.” The model leaned down such that their faces were almost on the same level, staring at him intently, eyes a rather intense brown color.

_ He has interesting pupils, the shape is not round. _

“So now you are ready to drink the tea? Your eyes are very special, I don't think I've seen pupils like that, helps you to look intimidating although your body is rather slim and your facial features are soft.” Hoseok caught himself after staring at the eyes for a whole minute. “I can draw the rest too, but not to your disadvantage,” he whispered, as their faces were still pretty close.

“Good,” the model exhaled against his lips and leaned back, smirking. “I'll tell you when I don't feel well. Just paint.”

Something about the pink-haired man was highly tempting, Hoseok couldn't quite determine what exactly, whether it was the gaze, the raw opinions, the low voice Hyungwon had confronted him with, the bitterness or the always present smirk. Sharp teeth were showing and pupils dilating randomly.

_ Maybe it's cat-eye syndrome? _

He didn't know but it also didn't matter, he had to draw the cherry blossoms so he did, taking a small brush and dipping it into the previously mixed colour. Leaning in, Hoseok painted a petal over the golden skin on the other man's pec muscle, free hand resting on the leather right next to the lean thigh.

He could feel how the other man moved a little closer, distance shrinking barely but enough for Hoseok to be able to tell. He could feel warm air hitting his ear while painting, focusing on the petals instead of the sensation. A few seconds passed before he heard the pink-haired man inhale deeply, keeping the air in his lungs for a while before repeating the action.

_ Is he smelling you? _

“I don't smell weird, right? I showered before coming here.” Hoseok chuckled and continued drawing the petals, adding white and red colour to the small flowers.

“You smell absolutely delicious,” the low voice replied as the other man put enough distance between them to meet his gaze, pupils rearranging again.

“Good, but I’m not wearing perfume so it must be my own scent.” Leaning closer, Hoseok sucked in the other man's fragrance, reminding him of how the air in the Alps smelled like, pine trees and nature, fresh and naturally delicious. “You smell like the woods, I really like it.”

“I dislike the scent of perfume. You smell good because it's your own scent and it's sweet, like berries or something you might consider equally delicious.” The smirk returned as a pink tongue licked over the plump lips. “Makes me want to take a bite.”

_ That's flirty, isn't it? _

“I don't think you'll like it. I might taste like chemicals,” Hoseok commented and leaned back a little, putting more distance between them. “Now you'll need to stand up.”

“It's almost gone,” the pink-haired man remarked and stood up, eyes not leaving him for even a second and curling his hands at the wrists smoothly. “I'm sure your skin is delicious just like the scent.”

_ What is he talking about? _

Hoseok decided to ignore the strange comment and kneeled down, drawing beautiful and delicate blossoms on the lower stomach and thighs. He felt a little strange with a dick in front of his face, but remained professional.

“Why didn't you choose a female model?” The question was sudden, slim body staying absolutely still while the beautiful man watched his every move. “It's considered more pleasing aesthetically.”

“Good question, I consider male bodies more aesthetically pleasing, furthermore I had a specific image of how the body should look and seeing yours on Instagram made the decision pretty easy. Does my reasoning make sense to you?” Hoseok lifted his gaze to look into the light brown eyes.

“Yes.” It was disconcerting how the pink-haired man didn't look away, not even once. Maybe he had no idea of appropriate eye contact in conversation. 

_ He's just human, you're all different and that's the beauty of it. _

Hoseok placed his other hand over the dried cherry branch on the other man's lean thigh, and started drawing an additional petal next to it.

“You're really hot,” he commented, worried about the other man's unusual body temperature.

“I know,” the model commented, voice calm just like the breathing despite the unusual warmth and quick heartbeat, grin in place. “You are a good painter. Art is something I appreciate. It's a rather special talent.”

“You should really drink the tea. I just discovered it recently, the art I mean, it just gives me a different perspective on things by putting them into paintings.” He smiled and continued his work.

More and more cherry blossom petals appeared on the golden skin, completing the beautiful tree. Hyungwon’s body had been perfect for what he did, branches and light pink flowers integrating wonderfully.

“I'm happy that you agreed, it means a lot to me.” Hoseok smiled at the slightly intimidating smirk and the light brown eyes that were staring down at him.

It felt a little like looking into a huge void that was about to swallow him.

_ No fucking way. Nothing will swallow you. _

 

***

 

The impressions were sudden, various smells entering his nose without a break and painting his surroundings in bright colors, olfactory information alone absolutely sufficient to recognize everything around him. But it was too much to create a complete picture unless he filtered, senses absolutely overwhelmed.

The English Garden was in full bloom, various scents of flowers mixing into a rather breathtaking whole, roses, tulips and lilac. It was possible to identify the single scents but the sheer effort that it required was way too much, adding an unpleasant throbbing in his head.

It was the same every morning.

_ Don’t waste your precious energy. _

His senses painted a detailed picture of the inner city of Munich, of the way a woman crossed the street with her toddler several kilometers away from him, how a teenager fell during a soccer match, bruising his knee enough to allow a few drops of blood to hit the grass, the scent of the red liquid even stronger than the flowers.

_ Less, it's still too much. _

Hyungwon licked his lips, body becoming aware of the energy that surrounded the humans in his immediate proximity, the young man that was buying some bread two streets away and the petite woman that opened the door to the neighbouring house, life force levels rather low considering her age and health.

_ It's still too much. You don't need them. _

He inhaled again, keeping his eyes closed as he shifted on his bed, senses finally focusing on what was really around him. His bedroom, filled with the scent of the clothes in his cupboard, different depending on who he wanted to be. There was still steak in his fridge, the smell of blood only barely penetrating the heavily closed container. It was tempting enough to lick over his dry lips.

His body needed a lot of time to get used to the mass of sensations surrounding him, especially when he was running low on energy and kept wasting it pointlessly to finally focus on his immediate surroundings instead of possible energy sources several kilometers away. It needed time and energy, but time was something that Hyungwon had plenty of.

Energy on the other hand, not so much.

Opening his eyes he lifted his body from the soft sheets, resting on his palms and looking at the way the golden skin of his legs reflected the light that entered through the window. He wasn’t hiding his real self when he was alone, body the way it always was unless he transformed. His skin was absolutely smooth, purposefully shaved to not appear suspicious with the light pink colour of his hair. It was enough that people saw it on his head.

Climbing off the bed he stretched quickly, cracking his knuckles and feeling the slowly growing hunger. It was always worse in the mornings after having wasted a considerable amount of energy on recentering his attention on important factors, instead of every possible food source around him.

_ You still need to feed on somebody today. _

Brushing a large hand through his pink-hair Hyungwon glanced into the mirror, pulling his lips together and liking what he saw. His body was beautifully gaunt and lean, long legs and slim waist, face delicate and graced with plump lips and large eyes. Human forms were always meant to be visually pleasing, stealing the prey’s breath away at first sight, attraction unbearable. If he wanted them to they would fall right into his arms, beg for a kiss despite the constant fear in their veins, senses knowing more than the consciousness did.

_ But still they give in. _

Once he had dressed appropriately, tight jeans, simple shirt and a leather jacket, he left the apartment. Being a model, people paid even more attention to his looks than usual. It was bothersome but it also made the hunt for energy easier. Hyungwon focused on colorful residential buildings around him instead of the small drops of energy that filled the air, taken up by plants and other humans, feeding on the anger and unhappiness of others. Others that kept losing it due to dumb actions and the inability to make decent decisions.

_ They should have just given it to you instead of wasting it like that. You would have put it to good use. _

Suddenly the scent of rhododendrons filled his nose again, overshadowing everything else and hinting at the close proximity of the plant although he was walking along a street filled with cars, bicycles and humans.

_ It’s like you, it persists. _

Hyungwon glanced to the side, inhaling deeply and immediately feeling the image of a deep red flower materializing in his mind, petals arranged together to form several flowers on a deep-green bush and smelling sweetly. He really loved rhododendrons. Something about the brightly coloured flower reminded him of himself, beautiful and delicate on the outside, making every spectator yearn to touch and taste it.

_ Just to find out that it’s poisonous. _

He smiled at the thought, remembering the last time he had seen a human eating a leaf of the plant and suffering from increased blood pressure and heart rate, up to life threatening levels. It must have been several decades ago, a young woman that made the terrible mistake of attempting to use the petals as lipstick to be to his liking, not knowing the consequences. Of both, the flower and him.

Unfortunately the rhododendron wasn't his destination. Sighing Hyungwon licked over his lips, trying to focus on the taste of the handsome man he had kissed yesterday, impossibly nutritious and willing despite falling asleep right after. The exhaustion was understandable after giving away the one thing that had kept him alive and well, life force. The man had been one of the easy ones, not asking questions and merely melting into his kiss, just the way Hyungwon liked.

The sudden scent of a human body reacting with fear and excitement filled his nose, forcing him to turn to his left. The quick glance revealed a blonde woman that had stopped walking, staring at him with widened eyes, small hand curled around her handbag.

_ She wants you because you didn’t contain the attraction you build around yourself. Don't waste your powers just because you are hungry. _

He smiled shortly before letting go of her, focusing his aura to the front and thereby making the beautiful lady lick her lips shortly and continue walking where she had wanted to go, mostly forgetting about him and her wish to get closer. Luckily.

_ You don't need her. It wouldn't even be enough for two days. You need something else. _

He didn't attract random people on the street on purpose but it was just something inherent to the illusion he created around himself, appearance difficult to resist and evoking the wish to come closer. It was useful to get food, but annoying otherwise.

Hyungwon brushed through his hair in thought, glad that the man that glanced in his direction only looked because of his unusual hair colour. Luckily there was no need to find a snack by himself as Max had been effective in organizing something for this Sunday. Of course his manager didn't know that and just considered him crazy to agree to nude body painting, thinking of it as an unusual job, but it was simply perfect.

_ You will be alone with a young man for seven hours. Genius. _

A young man like that was definitely enough to last him one to two weeks as long as he wasn’t overwhelmed by work. Furthermore they tasted much better anyway, at least for Hyungwon. Preferences were something rather particular and Hyungwon was especially picky.

The studio that the young Instagrammer had mentioned in the email was easy to find, especially after smiling at a helpful young woman that ended up pushing her phone number into Hyungwon’s his hand.

_ She wants emotions that you don't have. _

Such encounters were too complicated, not worth the effort with the tiny amount of energy she contained. Women like her got attached, believing that he had intentions beyond the desire for food. He didn’t.

Only once had Hyungwon kept up regular contact with a human, using the kisses as a constant food source. But it reduced functionality for the source if he wasn't careful with the amount he took, easily resulting in death or broken hearts because of his his ambivalent attitude.

Hyungwon hated attachment just like he tended to dislike the human race, taking what he needed and keeping communication to a minimum. It was easier.

Once he entered through the small door, stopping it just before it hit the wall as he had underestimated his strength again, he examined the young man that had wanted to body paint him naked for several hours.

_ Just let him do it and take his energy as payment. _

Max had thought that Hyungwon was crazy for agreeing, but the reaction was rather common for his manager, constantly worried for his safety although it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.

_ They should worry about their own health. Constantly living like nothing could happen. _

The man named Hoseok was the equivalent of expecting to find a bush of berries and getting a whole bull instead, muscular and bursting with energy. The body form was usually absolutely irrelevant to Hyungwon as he focused on the general level of human energy the person possessed, but the painter only supported the impression of strength with his physical state.

Hyungwon could see it easily, light blue color surrounding each person he lay his eyes on. The brighter, the better, and the Instagrammer was basically a firework of blue color, tempting to say the least.

_ Now you just need to taste it. _

He could already feel a light pulsing in his chest at the sight, bead reacting to what it could have if Hyungwon invested a little bit of effort.

It was the only reason for him to play along and do whatever, ignoring the mass of annoying questions and remarks. The doctor's pointless worry made the blood boil in his veins for a few seconds until he finally managed to calm down again, almost forgetting how his body reacted. With anger.

_ Don't freak him out before you got a taste. _

He smiled as much as he could, adding a little bit of flirtiness to his words as the meal painted his naked body, drawing branches with brown color all over him and showing much less embarrassment and concern he would have expected from a human, most commonly giggling at the mere sight of a dick.

_ He has so much of it. He wouldn't miss it at all if you would take some for yourself. _

However as soon as the pointless concern began under the premise of being a cardiovascular surgeon Hyungwon barely held back his eye roll. There was a reason he stayed away from doctors and had he known that the painter was actually concerned with human wellbeing he wouldn't have agreed to the meeting. It was too risky with the way his body differed from a human one. Not on the outside but definitely on the inside.

No matter how much Hyungwon distracted the painter, he simply didn't forget about his observations, constantly desiring to make a cup of tea and thereby improve his condition.

_ Of course he's going to be all concerned, playing the good doctor and saving asses for personal wellbeing and moral build up. _

Sometimes food was harder to get than previously expected. The attraction worked as far as Hyungwon could tell from the glances and compliments he received, but it didn't give him the much desired kiss he was longing for. The behaviour was beyond suspicious, no matter how much he attempted to lure the energy-filled man, the reaction stayed lukewarm, interest present but not enough to make a move. It was a little frustrating even, scent almost drowning him with how sweet it was and how much he wanted to have a taste, a proper one.

_ Why is he able to hold back? It makes no sense, no one can if you don't want them to. _

The painter merely focused on his work, talking about unimportant things such as his body temperature and heart rate, as if pointing it out would have changed anything about it.

_ Maybe you should have just said that you are excited after all. _

It was as if the doctor's concern ruined the effect of his beckoning. The signs were there, the constant glances, touches, compliments but the actions were missing.

_ Why isn't he kissing you yet? _

The brush was pleasant against his skin, scent of the mixed colour a little intense but not enough to overshadow the sweetness of the other man, almost calling out to him without a break. It was as if Hyungwon was the attracted one instead of the painter. His attempts at complimenting the man's handiwork weren't successful either as the muscular man merely stayed between his legs and drew small flowers on his thighs, focusing on the movements of the brush instead of everything else and thanking him.

_ You can't fill up your energy with a ‘thank you’. _

Hyungwon couldn’t help but watch the way the other man’s head moved, small bits of energy dissipating into the air from the physical effort, wasted for nothing when it could have been his to have. Sure, he could enjoy a bit of it as it was used on his body but a kiss would have been more effective, making the seven hour trip worth it instead of torturous.

_ You're basically watching your food, smelling how tasty it is without being able to take a bite until the very end. _

He would have to drown the other man in attraction as soon as he finished painting his skin, force him into action instead of waiting. The anger was already bubbling under the surface again.

_ It better be worth it afterwards. _

“Why body painting and not merely on paper?” he asked, constant scent making him much more impatient than he usually was. Humans liked talking about themselves and maybe the question would get him a step closer to his goal, break the protection the painter apparently built up.

_ Make him open up a little, trust you and forget about his concerns. _

Inhaling the scent, Hyungwon licked over his lips, enjoying the tiny bits of energy that the painter released at another stroke of his hand, impossibly concentrated while Hyungwon ate him with his eyes. It was like a starter, preparing him for the main dish.

“It looks more alive when it's on a body, the dynamics are different, paper is too static.” Another spark of energy loosened around the bright blue film that surrounded the other man. It appeared like he gave it away without a worry. “There's not much left, you're probably tired,” the black-haired human remarked, visibly concentrated.

_ You're just hungry. _

“No, I'm not tired. I would just love to see the finished product,” Hyungwon lied easily and increased body contact by leaning forward again. Focusing on the broad man he beckoned him further, wanting him to connect their lips already and allow him to take what was meant to be his since he entered the studio. “It looks good.”

The last part was true. He did indeed look rather nice with cherry blossoms drawn all over his body, fitting his human skin colour and the pink hair. It looked more beautiful than it did all naked and without paint.

“Thank you, I really think it's because it's perfect for your body.” Dark eyes looked up at him and the man smiled from between his legs instead of jumping him immediately. “I guess that's it, now I only have to take a couple of pictures and then you can wash it all off and rest at home to recover.”

_ That's it? No further reaction? _

His pulse sped up further at the anger he felt, disbelieving the doctor-turned-painter still believed that he had a cold, ignoring the desire to be close that must have been eating him up from the inside by now.

_ Maybe he needs even more to crack. _

“What kind of feeling would you like for the pictures?” Hyungwon asked back, switching into his professional attitude while still thinking about how to get a kiss from the other man. It was too late to change gender, but based on the argumentation for choosing a male model and the looks he had received, it wasn't necessary. He was beautiful for a reason. “I told you that I'm fine. I'll tell you as soon as I won't be.”

“I see that you're annoyed and it's your business, but it's my business to refrain from making the session unnecessarily long. I just need the motif, so you'll need to stand up arms spread, like a tree. That's it. Oh and tell me how much money you want for this.” The brush left his skin and was placed on the black table as the human stood up, brushing over the dirty spots on his knees.

_ It's as if he doesn't care. You're the one who doesn't care, he fucking should. He should want you. _

Hyungwon placed a smile on his face, making it more natural and less intimidating. Maybe this human preferred to feel safe instead of the fascination by danger that he usually evoked in others. He still couldn't believe that his usual approach didn't work.

“I told you I like the painting and the motif. I'm not annoyed by the painting, I just felt a little babied and disliked that,” Hyungwon explained, voice softer than before. Licking over his lips once he stood up and moved to the more neutral part of the studio, meant for pictures. Turning around he showed his back first, already missing the sweet scent that had filled up his nostrils. “Go ahead, I'll tell you later.”

_ Just do this and get close later. _

He heard clicks of the camera, shuffling sounds, the man moving around him. Curious about the effect he had on the painter, Hyungwon turned around and saw how the other man's gaze slid along his body, emotions materialising on the pale face.

“It's amazing, ah you're making it perfect."

_ Emotions? He's not supposed to be emotional but attracted. _

It felt a little strange to see, eyes opening a little wider and cheek muscles tensing at the emotional reaction the artist appeared to have at the sight of his painted body. It didn't fit the typical response which was admiration and the desire to be close.

_ This isn't how it's supposed to be. _

“What exactly am I making perfect?” Hyungwon asked, a little curious because of the unusual response, not fitting with his expectations which happened rather rarely. Human variety and creativity stopped after one had encountered a large enough number of them. He still kept his arms lifted in case it was necessary and breathed in, inhaling a little more of the sweet fragrance.

_ He sees you as something different. A symbol for something. That needs to disappear to enable him to make a move. _

“You're enabling me to move on and start anew. You don't need to understand it but that's how it is for me. I'm thankful.” Another smile appeared as the black-haired artist lifted the camera, pale face disappearing behind the black tool. It was obviously focused on his face as the finger pressed the release and captured the picture.

_ He'll probably examine the picture in detail because of your eyes. _

It was the first time that he hadn't focused his features for a picture during a shoot, a little distracted by the strange emotional reaction to something as simple as the shooting of a painted human body. His anger moved to the back of his mind at the confusing mixture, but it wasn't enough to mask his need for the light blue nutrient that remained beautifully attached to the muscular body.

“I don't see how painting would enable you to start anew. You would need to abandon everything for that, which I don't see you doing.” Hyungwon narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing the muscular body in detail again, watching the way certain veins bulged and valuable energy was released for nothing, probably due to the emotional reaction. He wanted the painter to abandon his protection and act on the attraction instead.

_ What a waste. If he wants to start anew you would be more effective there. Erasing everything. _

“You don't need to see as it's about me. I know what it's about and that, my friend, is absolutely sufficient.” A grin spread the artist’s pale cheeks as the muscular arm put away the camera and the other man walked to a cupboard pulling out a towel. “I'll pack up and you can shower, Hyungwon.”   


_ No way are you leaving him now, all the work will be for nothing. _

“I prefer to stay like this,” Hyungwon replied, lifting his arm closer to his face, examining the delicate flowers, loving how soft they appeared compared to what lay below the golden skin. A smile pulled at the corners of his lips and he allowed it to spread them, turning towards the black-haired man and hoping the genuine emotion made him feel at ease. “It's special somehow and I like the way it changes my body.”

_ Almost as if you're something you're not. _

The surprise on the other man's face was evident, head tilting to the side while his pale hands were cleaning the brushes and packing everything into a black case. It wasn't enough to make him act on the attraction though.

“Well then you can listen to me nagging about your health for another half an hour. The paint needs to dry or you'll stain your clothes otherwise.” A low chuckle followed.

_ Can't you just kill him? _

The anger returned full force, hands desiring to grab the broad neck and pull the other man towards himself, closing the distance between their lips forcefully and taking everything that he had. But no, he couldn't. It was too much work afterwards, cleaning up after himself and removing the traces. In addition most of the energy was always wasted on fighting him if he forced himself upon the humans whose energy he wanted. It was simply too bothersome and not worth the effort.   
  
_ You also don’t do this anymore. _

_ Waiting some more will pay off if you can taste him. He can't stay strong forever. _

Hyungwon smirked and walked back to the leather table he had been sitting on and placed his slim body on top of it while examining the painting further. The details were gorgeous, little dots present for pollen that was kept at the tips of the delicate flowers. Only the scent was missing.

_ You're attractive, he needs to have some kind of response. Even if it's a basic human one. _

Glancing up he licked over his lips and examined the way the broad man occupied himself with cleaning brushes. It was disconcerting considering that looking at Hyungwon should have had higher priority.

_ How the hell does he manage to resist? Do you need to be closer? _

“I can stay like this. I don't mind,” he said and contemplated how to make the human feel more at ease. “Would you give me the cup of tea? I'll drink it.”

“You sure? It's cold by now.” The artist closed the distance to the kitchen, taking the cup and feeling the temperature. “Didn't you say it was disgusting? Like humans?” He chuckled before walking over to him while taking slow steps and looking him in the eyes.

_ Use the proximity. _

Hyungwon couldn't help the smirk that spread slowly, inhaling deeply the closer the other man came, excitement rising a little at the increasing strength of the sweet scent. Instead of taking the cup he circled his long fingers around the pale wrist, glad that he didn't actually drink blood with how white the black-haired man seemed.

_ Make him want you. _

“There are exceptions. Some people can be tempting, just like you, Hoseok. Maybe the tea is an exception as well.” Staring into the brown eyes of the painter Hyungwon lifted the cup to his lips while using the other's wrist, gulping down a few swallows and keeping the ceramic cup close despite having drunk the absolutely revolting liquid. “You're definitely more desirable than the tea,” he whispered lowly, licking over his lips to remove the remaining taste, inhaling instead to fill his senses with the sweet fragrance.

“Didn't you just say that you like my scent? How would you know whether I'm desirable? I'm also pretty impervious towards stuff that wants to have me.” The other looked serious, eyes narrowing and focusing on his wrist where Hyungwon touched him.

_ Just go full force. You gave him something, he won't be able to say no. _

“The scent is like a preview.” Hyungwon inhaled again, loving how the sweetness filled out his senses. The artist's heart rate picked up as soon as he changed his gaze a little, focusing more of his natural attraction on the black-haired man. It had to work eventually, there was no way that the other could resist forever. “I would like to ask you for something else apart from money, Hoseok.”

Hyungwon purposefully used the painter's first name to add familiarity, working with a combination of attraction and a false sense of security. There wasn't much else needed to get the energy he craved. The intense feeling of desire returned to his chest as the bead responded to the thought, yearning for a taste.

“Sure, let's see if I'll be able to give it to you.” The muscular arm put the cup down on the black table and the pale face turned towards him.

_ It's not a question of ability. _

“I would like a kiss, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered, licking over his lips again at how tempting the proximity was, energy basically at the tip of his tongue. He forced his powers to remain in the back, keeping his appearance human to not ruin it in the last moment. His fingers loosened around the pale wrist and stroked along the skin instead of applying force. The scent was mind-blowing.

The artist stared at him for a couple of seconds, before lifting his pale hand and placing it over his forehead.

“You want a kiss from me? I mean you're more than beautiful and I really like your eyes, but you're obviously ill and I don't think a person affected by a viral infection should be making out inside a cold industrial building.”

_ What? _

Hyungwon bit his lip, attempting to backtrack through his experiences with human stubbornness and figure out what he had done before, apart from grabbing them by the hair and kissing them that is. Even then he had been ruthless because he had wanted to and not because the human didn't respond to his beckoning. It was ridiculous and returned the anger full force.

He couldn't just take what he wanted from the painter. Such actions usually wasted energy and remained rather memorable unless he almost killed the individuals in question. It was too suspicious with Hoseok as Hyungwon was the last person that met with the stubborn man.

_ You can't take his energy forcefully. That time is over. You never needed much effort before, what's wrong with him? Is his survival instinct too strong? _

_ Convince him. _

“But it's just a short kiss, Hoseok. I don't think that will kill me, will it?” Hyungwon replied, adjusting his face again to remove the natural intimidation that he had. He increased the size of his eyes and caressed the other man's upper arm, wanting to add strength to the attraction with bodily contact. There was no fucking way that saying no was easy for the black-haired man. “I feel perfectly fine, I really do. You won't have to give me money either. This will be enough.”

_ He has no fucking idea what you could give him in return. His willpower is simply unnatural. _

The low voice hummed in agreement, pale hand traveling along his cheek down to his neck before a couple of fingers pressed down on his jugular all of a sudden, scent overwhelming because of the proximity. The bead almost burned in response, just like his instinct of unwanted proximity responded, wishing to tear the hand away from his neck.

_ Fuck. _

“It's 130bpm, no fucking way.” The black-haired man put more distance between them, removing his fingers from his neck and smiling a little. “But I promise you that you'll get it. After you're better and because you're indeed very tempting, I have to admit.”

_ His concern keeps him from reacting to you. It's ridiculous, why would he care so much about a stranger? He's human, he should be self-interested. _

_ You're never going to be better if your body temperature and heart rate are the criteria. _

Hyungwon curled his free fist, nails sharpening at the anger he felt and scratching along his palm. Luckily the bruised lines would disappear in a matter of seconds, only wasting energy but not time. Time was endless.

“But I want it now,” he said, keeping his other hand on the biceps and holding on with a normal amount of strength, unwilling to scare the other man off. The situation was impossibly delicate with attraction not being strong enough to defeat concern. His voice was soft, leaning closer and strengthening his beckoning even further.

_ But the concern has to be fake. There is no reason to feel real concern for someone unrelated. He must be faking it. _

It made no sense. If the worry was faked it couldn't be strong enough to defeat the attraction Hyungwon evoked. The desire to be close must have been overwhelming, hands usually curling around his body already with the wish to melt into him. Who the hell was this Hoseok to argue with mere body temperature and heart rate?

“How can you promise that I'll get it later?”

“Why? Are you dying tomorrow? You'd get it if you were, but you’re not. You have a nasty virus and your reasoning is shit because of the elevated body temperature that affects your brain. Cool down, get some rest, call me, I'll kiss you then.” The smile remained as the artist peeled his fingers from his biceps and stepped away. “But the thing is that you probably won't want it anymore. Later.”

_ If it's about death you could wait for eternity. _

Hyungwon couldn't believe that his food was making deals with him, arguing that he didn't have the mental capabilities to eat it now and probably wouldn't want it anymore later.

_ It's like a bunny telling a wolf that it's not tasty at all and that he probably doesn't want to eat it. Bullshit. _

He licked over his lips again, still trying to keep the scent that faded with the increasing distance. It was frustrating to say the least. The anger just didn't dissipate, effort obviously wasted on the other man as he didn't let him close, not even for a kiss. Whatever ability the painter possessed, Hyungwon hadn't encountered it before, energy still calling for him while staying beautifully protected behind closed lips.

_ Fuck it. Get someone else. _

Hyungwon stood up, cracking his wrist joints in a harsh motion, thereby releasing some of his anger through movement and also losing energy he had hoped to receive. It was a little wasteful but he felt too damn pissed. Inhaling shortly he identified the almost completely faded scent of the paint and pulled his underwear, socks and jeans over his legs and feet, slipping into the shoes while throwing the t-shirt over his chest. Humans were impossibly bothersome no matter how often he encountered them. He wanted this Hoseok, although he could have gotten anybody on the damn street. Glancing at his painted body to distract himself revealed only a little bit of the beautiful cherry blossoms on his arms and neck. The rest were covered by fabric.

_ At least that is something positive you can take from this. It's pleasing. _

_ But not enough. _

Grabbing his leather jacket and sunglasses he walked towards the artist, pushing his muscular shoulders once to have him pressed against the first flat surface. It was the wall, body clashing against it loudly. Only the air that left the lungs suddenly was a sign that he had overestimated his strength a little bit, a side effect of the anger.

_ He has to give in eventually. Make him. _

_ You want it. _

“My usual pay is 400 dollars per hour. You better transfer that and give me that kiss once I call. Do we understand each other?”

The artist had been shocked at the sudden action but caught himself pretty fast, bright smile spreading over his pale face.

“Sure. Get some rest.”

_ He's crazy, absolutely unconcerned about himself but merely arguing with your non-existent health problems. _

Hyungwon exhaled against the curved mouth that had been smiling at him as if mocking him. Letting him know that there was energy there that he couldn’t have. The bunny outsmarting the wolf.

Biting down on his lower lip after a last inhale of the sweet scent he turned around and threw the door against the wall on his way out, overestimating his strength again. It was rare that a human was able to resist the attraction he built around himself, usually either due to sexuality or immense fear. Hyungwon couldn’t see either in the black-haired man that preferred to be concerned about his health instead of kissing him.

_ Calm down, eat him later and eat someone else now. _

The painter just didn’t know that Hyungwon never let go of food once it had been promised to him.  
  
He wanted it. **  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Death is the least of my concerns, Hoseok."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
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_ Why didn't you just kiss him, Hoseok? _ __  
__  
It had been almost two weeks since he had drawn the cherry blossom tree on the beautiful, golden body of the unusually handsome and apparently very strong pink-haired model. The tall man had wanted a kiss, a simple kiss. It had been so easy, his dangerous brown eyes with the oval pupils coming closer and big hands stroking his arm with the extraordinarily warm fingers, temperature easily surpassing the healthy 37 degrees. Hyungwon must’ve been delirious, pupils dilating randomly whenever Hoseok came closer. He had tried to determine the condition by leaning in, feeling the pulse and stroking over his hot cheek. He had wished to be able to measure the skin conductance response without equipment.    
  
_ But still he fucked off after throwing you against the wall and making sure you were prepared to give the kiss and the insane amount of money. _ __  
__  
Hoseok remembered a similar situation that had occured during his years as an intern in psychiatry. There was a woman who had mania and basically jumped him every time he had tried to give her medication. However, Hyungwon didn’t quite fit as the other man hadn’t seemed to have problems with too much talking or body hygiene, quite the contrary.    
  
_ He didn’t want to talk to you. He wanted a kiss, that was everything. He didn’t really give a shit about anything else. Only about your scent. _ __  
__  
The facts just didn’t fit together. The behavioral pattern didn’t fit to the bodily condition, high temperature and sustained tachycardia, randomly dilating pupils with cat eye syndrome, bitterness and open hostility but changing behaviour as soon as he came closer. That was when the round nose had immediately started leaning in and sucking in air, exhaling over his hair. It had been strange.   
  
_ Don’t forget that you had trouble concentrating on your fucking job which consisted of painting the tree and determining his fucking condition. _ __  
__  
It was true, something about the taller man had been so incredibly tempting, Hoseok’s body almost automatically reacting and wanting to be close. It couldn’t have been the fact that the model was beautiful, there was something else. Something he didn’t quite understand yet, but which fueled his curiosity and hope that he would see Hyungwon again.   
  
_ Because you want to know what’s wrong with him and help him. When will you learn that people don’t need your help? They’re perfectly fine without you interfering.  _ __  
__  
But Hoseok was stubborn. Very stubborn. He should’ve been thankful for his stubbornness because it was one of the reasons that he was still alive and breathing.   
  
_ 

  
  
Inhaling the hot air, mixed with car pollution and something that was blooming in the English Garden, Hoseok strolled along the narrow street leading him away from the main one. More cafes and bars appeared, restaurants full and people sitting outside in the heat, enjoying the summer as long as it lasted. It was noon and he decided to eat out after being way too lazy to cook anything proper and using the opportunity before returning to work life and having no life as a result.   
  
After entering the burger restaurant he really liked he ordered a breadless beef rucola one and looked at the people sitting outside, choking on his rhubarb lemonade at the sight he hadn’t prepared himself for.   
  
_ Pink. It’s pink, it’s him. _ __  
__  
He couldn’t have chosen a better spot. His seat was located inside of the restaurant facing the street, whereas the pink-haired model sat exactly across from him at one of the tables outside, stuffing a huge chunk of a burger into his big mouth. Hoseok didn’t really know whether it was a burger, but it was sure as fuck some bloody meat.    
  
_ Is it even cooked? Doesn’t look like it. Well, he is free to get some salmonellae on top of the stuff he’s already suffering from. It’s not your business anyway. Right? _ __  
__  
Hoseok stared, he couldn’t help but stare at the features, using the fact that the other man didn’t lift his gaze from the plate, stuffing the raw meat into his mouth. The hair was still perfectly pink although three weeks had passed. The model probably dyed it every week to keep the roots the same color.

Hoseok couldn’t see his eyes, only the long eyelashes that were equally pink. The bony fingers used the knife as a weapon, ripping the meat to shreds and putting big chunks between the plump, red lips. 

Interesting, it was interesting to watch. It had something animalistic to it and his heartbeat picked up at the thought that the other man would lift his light brown eyes with the oval pupils, recognizing him.    
  
_ So what? He won’t eat you. He already had the burger.  _ __  
__  
His order was placed in front of his face but he couldn’t really concentrate, just using the knife and fork automatically, chewing what landed in his mouth and watching the pink-haired man who sat across from him intently. Hoseok was a little sad that he couldn’t touch the golden skin to determine whether the body temperature had finally decreased and the heartbeat was normal.    
  
_ You’re a typical doctor, wanting to touch to determine vital signals. Creep. You need to work, you’re getting hallucinations.  _ __  
__  
Something about Hyungwon was different and it wasn’t the pink hair but something else, was it his aura? Hoseok knew that it was bullshit, but he could swear that he could feel it although he had been sitting behind a glass wall.    
  
__ Why are you so stubborn? Just eat the fucking burger and go to the gym.

Suddenly the pink-haired man let the last chunk of meat that he had been inhaling fall back onto the plate. His big eyes lifted in an impossibly fast motion, not even bothering to look around as they focused on Hoseok, staring. It was as if the other knew he was there when he decided to look up. _  
_

At this point he didn't even know who was more creepy, him or the man with the light brown eyes, piercing his soul with the intense gaze. 

Hoseok took his drink and pulled the straw between his lips, taking a long sip, his eyes still focused on the handsome face.

_ What is this? A staring contest? _

It was fascinating how the facial expression on the handsome man’s face remained absolutely static until the corners of his plump lips lifted slowly, grin taking form. A few more seconds passed with Hyungwon smirking at him as Hoseok sipped on his lemonade. 

Then the other man suddenly stood up, grabbing his plate nonchalantly in addition to the silverware and walking towards him. The tall man entered the restaurant and took a seat across from him at his small table. Still grinning, the model arranged his bloody steak and grabbed his fork and knife, cutting a large chunk before stuffing his mouth with it.

_ Why does it feel so strange?  _

“Hello there, Hoseok,” Hyungwon remarked as soon as the meat moved down his throat, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.

Hoseok put away his drink, cutting a piece of his burger, only now realizing that he had eaten all the salad and left the meat like an idiot. Chewing on the cut piece, he felt how nervousness was battled by curiosity with each passing second.

“Hey Hyungwon, how's your cold?” Hoseok grinned back,  remembering the annoyance the pink-haired model had felt when he talked about health concerns. 

“Never been better.” As before the other man didn’t stop staring at him for even a second, sinking his fork into the last bit of meat without even looking at it. Lifting it to his mouth and covering it with his plump lips, Hyungwon chewed slowly and gestured towards Hoseok’s plate. “One might think you are vegetarian. A cute little bunny.”

_ Bunny will kick his pink ass.  _

“No I eat a lot of protein, fish and meat. I was simply mesmerised by the way you stuffed yourself with the raw cow, so I didn't look at my plate and ate whatever.” Hoseok wanted to kick his ass, but he also wanted to know more about the man, preferably something relevant, like blood pressure and oxygen levels. And whether the tachycardia had been a chronic condition.

“It’s good. I can highly recommend it,” the pink-haired man said with a grin. Long fingers curled around the tissue that lay above Hoseok’s plate as the model used it to remove small bits of blood around his plump lips, licking over them quickly before he placed the stained napkin on his plate. “Yours looks a little too firm for my taste.”

“Do you eat a lot of raw meat?” Hoseok asked, finishing his burger and looking at the handsome face intently, trying to determine whether the other man could've had a bacterial infection that required proper antibiotic treatment.

The smirk only got wider as Hyungwon leaned forward a little bit, resting his weight on his elbows, fingers playing with the white cloth on the table.

“That depends solely on what else I get and how much more desirable it is.”

“And your favourite is…?” He couldn't help the question, curiosity going places, everything else forgotten and only the beautiful face with the dangerous eyes and mocking smirk remaining inside his attention span.

The distance only got less as Hyungwon placed his palms flat on the table and used them for leverage. Only a few centimeters separated their faces.

“Someone like you, Hoseok,” the plump lips whispered against his before the model moved back smoothly and sat down on his seat again, taking a glance to the side where a waitress was coming their way, probably to ask whether everything was fine. It was the first time that the light-brown eyes stopped focusing on him since the other man had sat down in front of him.

_ Someone like you? No, he must want something very specific, like last time. He was furious when you didn't comply.  _

Hoseok was sure that whatever it was that Hyungwon might have wanted from him, he should most definitely keep it for himself. 

He used the other man's distraction to lean in and spot the hollow between the collarbones, pulse almost visible with how the neck was stretched. He glanced at his watch, waiting for five seconds and counting.

__ It's still 130bpm. Fuck.  
  
The waitress took both of their empty plates, not removing her gaze from the pink-haired man as she paused in the middle of her action, merely staring. It was a little strange to see, movement and posture rather unnatural until the model smiled and thanked her for the effort, causing her to turn around right after and walk away. A right eyebrow twitched briefly before Hyungwon turned back towards him, intense gaze hitting him full force in addition to a grin.

“You look like you saw a forest spirit, Hoseok. I doubt that very much.”

_ He is one, why is his body like this?  _

Hoseok really didn't want to be childish but moved his arm such that his glass fell over and the remainder of the drink spilled over the long fingers. Using his chance he grabbed a tissue, apologising and wiping away the liquid from the back of Hyungwon’s big hand. Hyungwon’s big and very warm hand.

“You did that on purpose,” the pink-haired man remarked, still watching him and keeping his hand in place nevertheless, head tilting a little as if he was confused by Hoseok’s actions. “Were you trying to hold my hand? That’s-” Whatever it was in the model’s opinion, he decided not to say it, licking over his lips instead and crossing his legs.   


“Do you think I was trying to hold your hand? Nah, I'm fine. But I did do it on purpose because your vital signs are still the same and I'm asking myself what it could be.” He threw the napkin to the side and cupped his face with both palms, leaning on them.

“You are a strange doctor. One that appears to be too damn concerned even if a condition was checked by someone else already. I told you it’s nothing unusual and that I got it looked at before, didn’t I?” Hyungwon appeared a little annoyed, lips pulling together before he smiled again, brushing a few stray pink strands away from his eyes. “This explains why you were excited before knocking over the glass but perfectly calm afterwards. Doesn’t fit someone who wants to hold hands.”

_ You're past the age where you have to pour lemonade over someone just to be able to hold hands. _   


“You're attentive. But so am I. You're probably not afraid of dying, which is understandable, neither am I, but life is still pretty awesome, don't you think? I haven't seen a condition like this before and I'm worried that you might die because someone made a mistake in checking it, that's all.” His expression turned serious and he tried to check his skin condition by sliding his gaze along his bare neck.

His concentration was broken by the loud sound of the other man’s laughter, mouth opening wide before he held one of his hands in front of it, bending forward from the force until he caught himself again, smile remaining.

“Death is the least of my concerns, Hoseok. It’s just increased temperature that stays constant. It doesn’t go anywhere close to life-threatening heights. Everything still works properly, trust me.”

_ Death is the least of everyone's concerns. _

“You know what my favourite expressions are? It's ‘trust me’, ‘believe me’ and their little brother ‘I swear’. I mean- sure, I don't really know you and if you would want to die I wouldn't be able to help you, but at least you're not manic and want that stupid kiss.” He grinned, leaning further back against the chair.

There was a switch in the facial expressions, eyes getting a little bigger, oval pupils widening before they returned to their narrow form, impossibly cat-like.

“I want that kiss.” The beautiful face remained absolutely calm, as if the other man was merely stating the facts, pointing out what he wanted while leaning back on his chair and scratching his blunt nails over the smooth surface of the wooden table slowly.

_ Does he? _

“Why that? You know that it doesn't make sense, right? Because I know that I annoyed you with the tea and the questions but you still wanted a kiss. It's not quite sane, don't you think?” Hoseok tilted his head and moved his glass to the other side of the table.  
  
“I don’t see how your personality or your behaviour are in any way relevant to me wanting a kiss. I generally think you talk a little too much. I like the form of your lips, the way the corners curl up, so I want to know what they feel like. As simple as that,” the pink-haired man elaborated and licked over his lips again, focusing his gaze on Hoseok without breaking it. “And preferably not in public.”

_ Bitch what? _

“You're demanding for someone who wants things he won't necessarily get. You don't need to know what they feel like, they're just lips.”

The pretty mouth spread a little further, resembling a smirk more than a smile. Hyungwon blinked slowly and not often, but when he did it appeared to be slow enough to see how the eyelids moved down and back up, revealing the light brown color of his big eyes again.

“You told me I will get it. That’s what I’m waiting for. It was an agreement, which of course doesn’t have to mean anything considering how unreliable people are, breaking agreements at whim. I’m guessing you don’t want to, so you are going to come up with elaborate reasons as to why, while still keeping me interested.” The gaze changed a little, less intensity hitting him as Hyungwon pushed his chair back, slowly.

_ Have you ever met a person like this? No fucking way. _

“I'll ignore the bullshit you said just now. So you say all you want from me is a kiss and that's it?” He felt the anger boiling inside his veins but forced it to the back.

_ Can you believe you're discussing a kiss with some random dude you just want to know the condition of? _

“Oh, did I make you angry, Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked with a teasing smile, pulling his chair closer to the table again as if he had regained interest just because of Hoseok’s reaction, crossing his legs comfortably. “What else would I want?”

Something about the said words and the other man's reaction made him feel absolute calm, it had been clear that Hyungwon tried to make him angry and bothered, telling him that he didn't give a shit about him, but on the other hand...

_ On the other hand he does want that kiss.  _

It was pretty fast as he stood up from his chair, propping up on both arms and leaning in, closing the distance in a fast movement, licking along the plump lower lip and pressing his mouth against the smooth surface briefly. It must've been two seconds, not more, body heating up for some reason, forcing him to break the contact and lick over his lips once. 

_ Tempting asshole. _

“There you go, that's it then.” Pulling a bill out of his wallet he put it on the table and smiled at the pink-haired man. “Don't die, your lips feel nice, would be a bummer.” Hoseok sucked in a breath and turned around to leave.

“That’s not a kiss, Hoseok. That’s the little games children play when they are unsure about their sexuality and explore,” the low voice hissed behind him, a little unlike the way the model’s voice had sounded before. “I want more than those childish games, and your bodily reaction tells me that you do too.”

_ It wasn't enough? He wanted to make out? Why? _

“Try negotiating it with my bodily reaction then.” He turned around with a grin and winked, pushing his wallet into the back pocket of his black jeans.

There were steps behind him until a firm grip closed around his shoulder, rather painful with how much pressure the long fingers applied.

_ He is pretty strong for his build. _

“If it wouldn’t take away the possibility to kiss you I would rip you to shreds, Hoseok,” the pink-haired man hissed and let go, walking in a different direction. The model disappeared into the crowd like dust in the wind, no trace remaining despite the rather attention-grabbing color of his hair.

No trace. Besides the scent on his lips and the slightly painful sensation on his shoulder.

_

  
  


Throwing the white gown over his broad shoulders, Hoseok looked at his reflection in the mirror, fixing the black hair that had gotten longer in the meantime, bangs covering most of his pale forehead. 

_ Do you think it's a good idea to start working before you feel ready? _

He had called Laura, his boss and head physician, asking whether it was okay to start two months earlier than planned. The days spent at home had started driving him mad, mind hallucinating about the pink-haired man and his plump mouth, still remembering how the kiss had felt. It had been a hot and moist sensation against his lips, lava flowing through his veins and burning his body up from the inside. All of it in three seconds.

_ This is bullshit and you're mental, making up epiphanies because of a peck.  _

_ Burning up because of a kiss isn't really a thing, is it? Are you starving for affection? _

He didn't know, being too busy with staying alive and not dealing with his inner demons, leaving it for later. There was nothing that had been more important than to live. He wasn't afraid of death anymore, it had just become a part of his life. 

“Hoseok, you're back! Oh god- I’m so happy, you look amazing! Even your body is better than before, wow.” Minhyuk curled his thin arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. Hoseok had missed the bubbly pediatrician who’s gown was covered in random children’s drawings. 

“This looks like a dick, Min. Don't let them draw on it.” Hoseok chuckled and pointed at a work of art that reminded him of a penis and a pair of balls. “I'm also glad that I'm back, I missed working so much that I started hallucinating and diagnosing random people, such a mess.” 

_ Indeed. But he still has tachycardia. Maybe he was on amphetamines. Would explain the dilated pupils and random anger outbursts. _

“You must've been so lonely. I'm really sad you didn't let me visit you, I bet you looked really cute. Either way, how many hours are you working now? Fifty percent?” Minhyuk leaned back and examined his features intently.

“Mhm. But I bet it'll be more soon, Laura already told me that the workload in the emergency room is no joke and two football games are coming up with all those idiots hurting themselves, so yeah- fifty percent.” Hoseok grinned and closed the last button of his gown, pinning the name tag on the seam of his chest pocket. 

_ Dr. Lee, Cardiovascular Surgeon, Emergency Room.  _

He didn't have time to be nostalgic as his mobile rang, Changkyun’s low voice ripping through the speaker. 

“Cardiac arrest, ICU, you better use those juicy thighs to run here at the speed of light.” 

Shooting a finger gun at Minhyuk who was nodding in understanding he ran towards the intensive care unit, fists clenching and frequency of his breathing and heartbeat increasing from physical activity paired with childlike excitement. 

_ This patient better not die on your first day.  _

_ _ _  
  
  


“What was your final project actually about? What did you paint and more importantly, who was mental enough to let you?” Changkyun stuffed the mashed potatoes into his mouth in record speed, words muffled by the food and chewing noises.

_ A mental pink-haired model with strange heart-hyperthermia condition, probably on drugs with elevated sex drive and anger management issues. Not to forget the misanthropic attitude, habit of eating raw meat and violent behaviour. _

“I drew a blooming cherry tree on a very handsome but expensive model. It looked amazing, fun fact, it fit really well because his hair was also pink. So pretty.” There was no point in telling Changkyun the whole story, the other man had already been preoccupied enough.

“What? Was that the pink devil from your dream? Did you make out? Did he tell you that you're healed now?” The short man chuckled with his mouth open, presenting Hoseok a mixture of mashed potatoes and something that looked like a shredded sausage. 

Hoseok was thankful to have his best friend.

_ The feeling wasn’t similar. In the dream he had basically jumped the person, not being able to stop and although there were similarities, like the pupils, a dream was still a dream. _

“No we didn't and no he didn't say anything. I still look at the pictures I took, they're beautiful.” Hoseok put a piece of chicken into his mouth, chewing slowly.

_ One. It's one picture. Of his face when he didn't know you were taking a picture and didn't pose. _

He took the smartphone out of his pocket, scrolling through the gallery until he found the picture he had immediately transferred to his phone. The pink hair was framing Hyungwon’s small face, plump lips slightly parted and expression extremely focused. Light brown eyes, reflecting orange and elongated pupils forming a thick black line on the iris. The golden skin of the delicate neck  was covered in cherry blossoms, a brown branch visible over the sharp collarbones. Stunning.

Turning the phone around and pushing it into his best friend's face, Hoseok watched the other man's reaction intently.

“Holy shit. You didn't photoshop this? He looks creepy, but beautiful. Like a mythical creature with those cat eyes. I have the feeling that he'll bite my head off but at the same time I still want to look, wow.” Changkyun's mouth was open as he kept staring at the picture, before Hoseok put the phone back into the pocket of his doctor's gown. 

“I know right? It's even more intense if he looks into your eyes and not into the camera. But yeah, I finished it and now I can work and try to find a better goal than staying alive and drawing trees for no reason.” Hoseok smiled and gulped down his already cold espresso, preparing to go back to the emergency room. Breaks weren’t really a thing in his profession. 

Just like having time for unnecessary thoughts. 

_ He probably still wants the kiss, doesn't he? _

Definitely. 

_  
  
  


The fifty percent working time hadn’t really worked out as it was already dark when he left the University hospital. 

_ It's only eleven hours, be happy that it's not twenty.  _

Thankfully no one had died on his first day, although the patients had been trying hard to do so. The evening was warm, soft breeze tickling the skin of his naked underarms, black t-shirt hugging his upper body, defined muscles bulging while he was walking. 

_ Maybe you should go to one of the faculty parties again, you're not old or anything, you can't have a celibate life, it doesn't suit you.  _

_ You should definitely stop thinking about the pink-haired asshole. _

Shaking his head, Hoseok turned around the corner, yellow lights painting Munich at night in a warm color. 

It was quiet, only the wind blowing through some of the trees at the side of the street and several stray cars that drove through the rather residential looking area interrupting the silence. Munich had the peculiarity of appearing like a village despite the size.

Continuing along a nicely decorated single-family house, he perceived how something moved at his side, familiar pink color appearing in his visual field as the sudden sound of steps joined him. It was strange as he hadn’t heard steps before but now they were loud and clear, following his rhythm.

“Where are you going, Hoseok?” the low voice that tended to appear in his memories once in a while asked quietly, fitting nicely to the sound of the wind. As if it belonged there.

A cardiovascular surgeon really shouldn't die from a heart attack, but Hyungwon obviously wanted him to. 

_ The creepy levels are going places, or you're hallucinating. _

He turned around, spotting the light brown eyes staring at him intently, lips curled in a smirk.

“Home, why? Are you coming with me?” He took a long breath to calm down from the sudden, scary appearance.

“Do you want me to?” the beautiful man asked with a raised eyebrow, appearing surprised but it didn’t show anywhere on his face besides the eyes, lips still remaining with the familiar grin. Hoseok could feel how the long fingers brushed his as they walked, warm to the touch despite the brief contact.

“Well not really, not after you scared the balls out of me with your creepy appearance out of nowhere. This is not a good flirting strategy, Hyungwon. Also, you're still way too warm.” Hoseok grabbed one of the long fingers, confirming his suspicion before letting go.

The other man just shrugged, licking over his lips quickly and keeping his unbreakable focus on Hoseok’s face.

“You’re just not attentive enough,” the pink-haired man commented and curled his long fingers around Hoseok’s wrist, keeping them there as he used the connection to pull him along, walking faster than Hoseok had. “I told you that I am always like this. Maybe you are just cold, you aren’t even wearing a jacket considering how bad your thermoregulation probably is.”

“Don't bullshit me. How did you know that I'm here?” He ignored the extraordinary warm fingers that curled around his wrist.

“I saw you, what else would it be?” the handsome man remarked nonchalantly and broke the eye-contact, glancing towards the other side of the street where he immediately pulled Hoseok.

_ Liar.  _

“Sure, what are you up to? Do you want to go somewhere with me? A date? How about asking for consent first,” Hoseok commented, increasing the resistance. The small sign of disagreement must have been sufficient to make the other man stop close to a wall surrounding private property, hidden from view.

“A date? Is that what you need to finally give me the promised kiss?” the model asked, light-brown eyes focusing on his face again as the pupils widened quickly before they returned to their slit-like form.

_ The kiss. Of course.  _

Hoseok looked back, smile spreading his lips.

“But you already got one from me, Hyungwon. Aren't you being greedy now?”

There was a small twitch of an eyebrow as the pink-haired man leaned in, keeping a little bit of distance but not respecting any proper guidelines for privacy. One mouth corner lifted in a grin as his eyes appeared to eat Hoseok up again, pupils adjusting to the proximity. It was a little intimidating to say the least.

“I thought I told you already that whatever it was, it sure as hell did not qualify as a kiss. I want a proper one, one that I remember instead of the barely present press of lips, four-year-old style, that you gave me.”

_ Greedy asshole. _

“You wanted to feel what my lips felt like, I showed you. What you want now is making out and I don't get the reasoning.” He peeled off the long fingers from his wrist, looking into the dangerous eyes, pupils dilating randomly. 

_ They change when you come closer, but not because of the light. _

“You call it ‘making out’? Fine, then that’s what I want. But it was what I wanted from the start, I just didn’t call it such.” The eye-contact broke again but just for a few seconds as the eyelids slid down, revealing pink eyelashes before they opened again, blink slow compared to how it was supposed to be.

“You should've communicated it better. I really don't see why I should comply though.” Hoseok grinned, examining the eyes further, closing the distance until there were only a couple of centimetres between them. The pupils changed so drastically that he got surprised, his own eyes widening and observing the reaction with interest.

He felt warmth at his elbow, long fingers travelling upwards to his shoulder, remaining there as the other man inhaled slowly, keeping the air in his lungs for a while before he let it out again.

“And why do you not want to comply?” It seemed as if asking the question alone was effort for the pink-haired man, eyes narrowing briefly before they returned to their large size, absolutely captivating.

Hoseok experimented with the distance again, leaning even closer and exhaling against the plump, red lips, so incredibly tempting that he curled his hands into fists. His mind screamed to close the distance and taste the beautiful man again. 

“Because that's something you want, not something I want.”

“You’re wrong. Your clenched fists say that you want to, just like the increased speed of your heartbeat, something you like to talk about so much. Everything tells me that you want to, but why don’t you?” Again the beautiful man inhaled, keeping the distance and licking over his plump lips slowly, watching him intently, long fingers squeezing his shoulder.

_ Attentive, tempting asshole. Fuck. _

“It doesn't matter whether I am tempted to do it or not. The outcome counts, am I right?” He again exhaled against the moist lips and leaned back, closing his eyes quickly and opening them right after.

“The outcome of what? Your decision not to act on it? I don’t understand.” Hyungwon had no respect for his attempt to build up distance, leaning closer again, sudden pain in his shoulder telling him that the other man was holding on way tighter than was pleasant. Something teasing returned to the features as the pink-haired man exhaled against his lips, sensation hot instead of warm. “It’s not like you will die if you kiss me, is it?”

_ But you might burn. _

“How would I know? But you're really suspicious for wanting it so much and if I complied it wouldn't feel like my own decision, so no.” The proximity did something to him and he felt like closing the distance and pushing the slim body away at the same time. It was crazy.

“So you are saying no because I want it?” There was shock in the light brown eyes, widening at the words and putting distance between them. The fingers released his shoulder but the pain remained, light burning at several spots, probably where his fingers had been. “What is this? Defiance?”

Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Hoseok grinned, gaze focused on the beautifully dangerous eyes.

“Defiance? No. You told me you don't give a shit about me. Why the fuck should I spend my precious resources on you? I don't want this and you make me want it less with the way you grab my shoulders painfully and try to get it.”

“If I didn’t give a shit I wouldn’t be here right now, but attached to somebody more willing,” the pink-haired man hissed. Something about his left eye caught Hoseok’s attention, but when he focused on it there was nothing but the already familiar oval shaped pupil, staring at him. “I don’t understand your resistance. It makes no sense. Your body disagrees with you but still you insist. How the fuck do you do that?”

_ How the fuck do you do this, Hoseok?  _

“You seem to be used to getting everything you want without exception.” He used the moment where Hyungwon watched his mouth instead of his eyes and leaned in, placing a short kiss on the plump lips, body burning in the same way it did the first time he had kissed the pink-haired man, liquid lava flowing inside his veins. He leaned back immediately. 

“I’m the exception.”

The model kept his eyes closed despite the kiss having ended, breathing in deeply and exhaling after what felt like several tens of seconds, not meeting his gaze.

“There are no exceptions,” he whispered as he opened his eyes slowly, hands clenched into fists at his sides, pupils absolutely tiny despite the darkness around them. Something dropped to the ground from the other man’s fingers but Hoseok couldn’t see what it was, the lack of light not enough to figure it out. “What do you want, Hoseok?”

_ There are always exceptions. _

“Me? Nothing. Well- be alive, I want to live, that's enough for me,” he answered, looking up to the night sky before focusing his gaze on the light brown eyes again, reflecting although there was barely any light. “But there’s nothing I would want from you.”

“So you would be perfectly fine with not seeing me again?” Hyungwon asked, stepping closer again, pupils adjusting just as they always did in his proximity. Again something dripped to the ground. The pink-haired man didn’t pay attention to that, only unclenching his fists and turning the joint smoothly.

“Perfectly fine? I don't know, probably not. I do think about you, which already takes away my precious resources that I could use to prevent people from dying, but life is like that, isn't it? I would like to see you again. You're special.” Hoseok whispered the last two words right into the handsome face that kept moving closer towards him.

“Fine,” Hyungwon murmured. It was unclear whether he was fine with wasting Hoseok’s resources or whether it was about being fine with Hoseok’s wish to see him again. A pause followed in which the pink-haired man closed his eyes again, breathing deeply. He didn’t look like he was feeling okay, constantly changing his breathing patterns. 

Hoseok used the moment once again, kissing the plump lips and paying attention to the way his veins started burning, forcing him to stop.

_ This is creepy, what kind of reaction is this? _

The light brown eyes opened instantly, the intensity returning full force. Something seemed a little off about the left eye again but Hoseok couldn’t tell what it was, brown color staring back at him. Licking over his lips slowly the beautiful man looked at him, visibly preparing his next words. “Let’s meet again.”

Hoseok hummed, staring back at the mesmerising eyes, mind screaming at him to close the distance and melt into a deep kiss, but body still warm from the burning sensation. 

“Let's meet again.”

_ You might burn the fuck down like this, Hoseok. _

  
  


***

 

_ He wants to meet again. _

As soon as the other man had uttered his agreement Hyungwon turned around, crossing the street and disappearing around the corner. Once he could be sure that the doctor wouldn’t find him he threw his back against the nearest wall, enjoying the cold sensation it created against his t-shirt-clad back. He inhaled deeply, filling his nose with the scent of wet concrete, a stray cat a few meters further and the oak tree above his head. Anything that wasn’t the addicting sweet scent of the human body that he had been close to only seconds ago. The body that tasted just as good as it smelled, sweetness remaining on his lips.

_ He keeps giving you bits and pieces because he wants you, but never the full course. _

Licking over his full lips Hyungwon’s body heated up, bead still burning in his chest at the wish to have a taste of the other man’s energy, to connect their mouths properly and absorb the deep blue aura that surrounded him. Their proximity had made it almost impossible to resist, nails sharpening and digging into his own palms to control himself and fight the wish to act.

Exhaling just as slowly he lifted his hands to his face, watching the way the bloody marks of his nails faded away, closing gradually, open wounds disappearing and only leaving perfect, unblemished skin. The only sign that he had been hurt was the fresh blood that stained his palms, drying slowly. He had no tissue so he wiped it on a leaf of the tree above him, hoping it would suffice for now.

_ He drives you mad, Hyungwon. He’s playing with your desire to have him, not letting you but teasing you with kisses, almost there but not enough to take the energy properly. _

A peck would never be enough for him, it wasn’t sufficient to let the bead in his chest absorb the energy. For that they would have to kiss properly, allowing Hyungwon to let go of his own abilities just to return them with more strength, filling out his body like the pleasant warmth of sunshine.

_ Just that you can use it to be someone else, heal your wounds and live forever. _

Hyungwon needed to feed, energy levels almost drained by the constant need to hold back, heal his body and identify the desirable human by his scent. He had scanned most of the city until he had finally found the black-haired man, walking home from a nearby clinic at night. It was perfect, just not for the doctor apparently, continuously fighting the beckoning no matter how often Hyungwon tried to lure him.

_ He wants it, he clearly does. He just fights it for some reason, unwilling to act on it. _

It made even less sense how the mere human was able to resist him after tasting his lips once. The attraction must have been unbearable, burning to keep him in place, to melt into the touch and to desire more until the bead filled them out just like it did with Hyungwon. 

_ Until you take it back and they feel drained. _

He focused on his surroundings, looking for a young man that would be enough to last him for a few days. He got lucky as a young, broadly-built victim said goodbye to his girlfriend a few streets away, walking back on his own through a small clearing, hidden enough to allow Hyungwon to feed on him.

_ Perfect. _

The girlfriend was enough of a sign so Hyungwon accepted the necessity to waste more strength to transform himself, adjusting his body to fit that of a petite female, dressed in loose male clothing. The jeans were perfect due to the broader hips and the tight fabric, full breasts filling out the t-shirt sufficiently. Brushing a hand through his long pink hair he sighed again, moving in the direction of the young brown-haired man who was busy walking home. Once Hyungwon was close enough, the regular steps stopped, head turning around and blessing Hyungwon with full, undivided attention almost instantly.

_ This is how easy it should be. _

Smiling sweetly he stretched out his arms, waiting for a few seconds as the source of energy walked towards him, definitely enough to last him for a while with how the bright blue color surrounded the broad body. Once the muscular arms closed around his slim waist he exhaled against the small mouth of the unknown man, waiting until he could feel a pair of cool lips touch his, parting almost instantly. There was no hesitating before the kiss, no wish to stay away or save himself.

_ You have to make Hoseok act the same way. He’s different. _

The relief was a delayed one. The feeling of losing energy spread in his whole body as the bead moved up in his chest, transferring into the mouth of his source of energy and sucking up what it could get while Hyungwon felt a little helpless. Slight pain appeared in his palms and the other man's broad arm around his shoulders suddenly felt more heavy than it had been seconds ago. The kiss felt a little warmer too with the bead leaving him. A gasp against his plump lips was the sign that the unknown man felt overwhelmed by the feeling that the little pearl of light evoked in him, senses sharpening and giving him some of the skills that Hyungwon possesed. It was interesting to see how humans reacted to it, eyes widening but unwilling to part, keeping it inside themselves until Hyungwon took it back.

When the blue aura surrounding his victim had reduced by half Hyungwon licked into the young man’s mouth, retracting his bead. Relief filled him almost immediately as soon as it touched his mouth, like fog that passed through his plump lips and filled him out with newly found strength. The pain in his palm disappeared into nothing just like the weight of the arm on his shoulder. The cold sensation of lips against his was even stronger now, lack of energy affecting the man’s health.

Breaking the kiss the reaction was instant,  the whole weight of the male body rested on top of him as the man fainted from the loss, unable to hold himself up. Hyungwon held on, keeping the man on his feet as he inhaled the fresh air and basked in the newly found strength. A glance at the aura surrounding the body revealed that he had taken the perfect amount, enough to be dizzy but not enough to kill.

_ He’s going to think it was a dream afterwards. _

Smiling briefly Hyungwon turned back, using a small amount of strength for the transformation, nothing compared to the quantity he had received, body feeling calm and like himself again. Again he brushed a hand through his hair, this time short compared to the shoulder-long locks he had had as a woman. Placing the young man on the ground carefully, he inhaled the scent of trees, checking if anyone was around. Luckily there wasn’t.

_ He’ll wake up soon enough. You didn’t take everything. _

Looking at the unconscious body on the green grass, Hyungwon couldn’t help but compare it with the man who had painted his body in cherry blossoms. It was a mystery how the black-haired man was able to stay away, denying a simple kiss despite the visible need to feel it.

_ He even kissed you several times because he couldn’t resist. _

Even when Hyungwon had reached the other side of the city, closing the door of his apartment and focusing on the familiar scents and surroundings it felt like the sweet scent that he yearned for remained in his nose. Stronger than it had been previously and not disappearing no matter how intense he made other scents, be it a steak, perfume or the scent of rhododendrons. Nothing could compare.

_ It will drive you mad if it doesn’t stop, Hyungwon. _

It was like a treat, touch of the curved mouth against his only adding to the wish to taste the energy that hid behind it, bright blue and so willingly given away in normal actions. Even though the other man had worked for a long time, returning home at night, it had seemed like the energy was undiminishable, still strong and desirable, just like it had been the first time they met.

Hyungwon wasn’t willing to give up yet. There was no way that the strength to resist would remain. It couldn’t.

_ You want it, so you are going to get it. _

_

 

Hyungwon tried not to, but even without his wish to identify the other man the sweet scent entered his nose once in a while, be it during a hunt for someone else, working independently or just passing by the hospital that the black-haired man worked at, healing people while Hyungwon was taking their life force.

_ It’s getting worse, isn’t it? _

He wasn’t even trying to identify the other man but the scent kept entering his nose as if his senses had sharpened just for the sole purpose of recognizing the familiar sweetness, wasting energy to do so even without the explicit wish to do so. It was like his body forced him to act, to go there and take the energy forcefully without any concern for human life.

_ You stopped doing that, so you won’t start again. It is always easier to just take a little bit. _

Exhaling and focusing on his immediate surroundings he took a seat at the rather small kitchen of the only person he didn’t have to pretend to be interested or concerned with. Yoo Kihyun didn’t give a single shit about his behaviour, as long as he ate up, and neither did Hyungwon, interacting calmly and without pretense. It was nice to not be a human for the short amount of time that he saw the redhead.

_ You can just be yourself.  _

“How do you force people to do what you want?” he asked calmly and watched how Kihyun was busy with cutting a steak into smaller chunks, frying one half of them while leaving the other on the side of the plate, probably for Hyungwon.

The smaller man was rather good at forcing people to do as he liked, be it something simple as eating up whatever he cooked for them or something more complex like emotions or difficult favours. Kihyun was just particularly good at influencing people.

_ Without the need to use beckoning. _

“I stare at them until they basically pee themselves? What else would I do?” the red-haired man commented and threw another few chunks of meat into the frying pan, loud sizzling noise filling the room as the steak connected with the oil. “I don’t think you should be concerned about something like that. Don’t they fall at your feet usually? Begging to be eaten? Idiots.”

_ They sure are.  _

Hyungwon chuckled at the thought, remembering the last woman he had taken the energy of, offering it freely without him trying to get it. It was like a present so he had just acted on it. More energy was always better than less, especially if it was offered freely without any repercussions.

_ But he stares at them without influencing their body, it’s not the same. _

“What if someone is so scared to die that they don’t dare to come close enough?” he continued, wondering if the description fit the painter as he had always gotten close enough, even kissing him briefly, but never for long enough and with the right intensity.

“Kudos to them for having a brain then.” Kihyun laughed loudly and placed the raw meat in front of  Hyungwon as he threw the fried bits on his own plate, chewing them slowly and narrowing his eyes as he focused on the taste. Once he figured out what he missed, he grabbed some rosemary and put it on top of the ruined muscle tissue.

“What a waste,” Hyungwon commented and grabbed a piece from his own plate with his index finger and thumb, placing it into his mouth and licking over both fingers before preparing to take the next, barely bothering to chew.

It was still hilarious to him how bright Kihyun’s hair was, one of the main reasons why Hyungwon had even bothered to get closer to the other man, wondering why the energy aura of the redhead was discolored. The hair was similar to the reddish hue in the light blue beauty. Even now it tainted the pureness, awakening curiosity but at the same time reducing the wish to take the life force for himself.

_ He has natural protection due to his mixed blood. _

Smiling he placed another chunk of raw meat into his mouth and remembered the only person that had pushed him away in his lifetime, using a surprising amount of strength to detach their lips and not allowing even one drop of energy to leave his body. Even now Kihyun never let any of the energy escape, keeping his distance and staying emotionally detached in social situations, leaving it all to himself.

_ Greedy bastard. _

“How were you able to resist me?” he asked instead of staying with his own thoughts, wondering if he could find similarities with the painter’s aversion to kissing him properly.

Kihyun lifted his long eyes, staring at him, slight greenish hue present and enough to give one the feeling that something was a little bit off.

“Simple. My body screams at me to punch you in the face and run.”

_ Fair enough. _

“And that is stronger than everything else?” Hyungwon shifted on his chair and focused on the redhead, using some of his beckoning to see how he would react. Back then he hadn’t needed much of it to start, physical features enough to raise the other man’s curiosity. The small body had basically been his at the first second of established eye-contact, only to be broken at the touch of their lips.

“Stop that. It feels like something curls around my wrists and pulls me towards you although I know it’s bullshit. It has no effect on me, not the one you want unless a fist in your face is your goal.” Rolling his eyes Kihyun grabbed another pinch of rosemary and poured it on top of Hyungwon’s raw meat, annoyance visible just like the pleasure at the small act of revenge.

Hyungwon hated rosemary.

“If you didn’t have protective features you would already be dead,” he hissed and began picking the small leaves from his plate, arranging them at the side while despising the other man for his childish revenge acts.

_ You are also childish, squeezing people’s shoulders out of anger. _

It wasn’t quite the same though. His physical outbursts were more of a reflection of his struggle to remain human, to not rip the energy forcefully from the curved mouth. He had never struggled with his instincts but Hoseok managed to bring out the worst in him, features threatening to come to the surface and replace the light brown color of his human eyes.

_ It won’t get any better if you stay away from him. _

The mere thought of the other man was sufficient to let the sweet scent enter his nose, not too far from the redhead’s apartment and moving through a part of the English Garden, probably enjoying his Sunday. It was close, bead responding although it wasn’t nearly close enough for a kiss.

_ It reacts to him, him alone. _

There was something special about the doctor who had been more concerned with Hyungwon’s wellbeing than the fact that he desired to take something valuable from him. The other was constantly able to resist despite a touch of their lips.

_ You agreed to meet again. He is close enough now, be it on purpose or not. _

“The meat was great apart from the rosemary,” he commented quickly and stood up, evoking an expression of surprise on Kihyun’s face who immediately demanded to know where he was going. It wasn’t surprising considering that the other had wanted to know something about a particular historical epoch for his essay. However it wasn’t anything that Hyungwon was willing to spend his time on if he was able to get energy instead.

_ Your experiences are tainted by human mistakes and greed, there is no reason to share that with him. Half of him is exactly the same. _

He walked fast, scent only increasing in strength the closer he got to the source of it, visualization of the doctor without his gown taking form as a mental image. It was beyond anything he had ever experienced with a different victim. Sure, Hyungwon was able to identify a person by their smell and localize them, but there had to be the explicit wish to do so, energy focused to perform the action. But no such thing was necessary for Hoseok, information entering his brain automatically without wanting to have it.

He had to do something to make the intensity stop, preferably have a taste of the sweet energy and thereby be able to focus on other treats.

_ What do you need to do to make him give in? _

Humans were simple, easily becoming enslaved by their own emotions, sympathy towards others and thereby opening the possibility to be used.

_ He needs to like you. At least a little. _

It was bothersome, but Hyungwon wasn’t sure what else would have been effective. He was unwilling to keep the awareness of the addicting scent and thereby strain his abilities to hold back. If the doctor didn't want to act on the attraction and beckoning he felt, then he would have to act on something else. Whether it was sympathy or desire was absolutely irrelevant to Hyungwon.

_ Just make him want to be close to you independent of the beckoning. _

Once he arrived at the park he sat down on a small wooden bench at the side, allowing him a perfect view of the pathways that connected in the middle of a bigger meadow. He waited for the other man to appear, sweet scent coming closer with each passing second. It was the height of inconspicuousness. He didn’t want to seem like he looked for the black-haired man on purpose, allowing a rather chance-like occurrence just like their meeting at the burger restaurant had been. Each passing second only pointed out even further how addicting the scent really was. 

Whatever the unsatisfactory contact had done to him, all the other humans with their energy levels and blue auras appeared absolutely irrelevant in comparison.

_ He is beyond desirable. _

_ Special. _

The scent came even closer, much more intense than he had remembered until he saw the muscular man running around the corner, coming closer really fast. Hoseok sprinted further before stopping all of a sudden, eyes widening and staring at him.

_ He feels it too. _

“What- what the fuck are you doing here?” the other man asked, breathing pattern showing strain and heartbeat hammering inside his ears. It was addicting and Hyungwon wouldn't have been nearly close enough yet to be affected.

It was attractive, olfactory and physical features integrating beautifully. The connection only enhanced Hoseok’s natural scent in addition to the fact that the muscular man had reacted to the beckoning, all on his own.

_ He wants you, so why is he still resisting? It’s a waste of the precious energy. _

“I am enjoying the weather on a bench. Am I not allowed to be at a park?” Hyungwon commented and closed his eyes, leaning back against the wood as if he had been doing so for the past hour. “You’re being sporty I see. Do you run often?”

“I do. You are free to enjoy the weather wherever you like, I just saw your pink head and almost got a heart attack again.”

_ So shock instead of attraction? _

Hyungwon chuckled, amused by how surprised the other man appeared although he hadn’t been particularly quiet or inconspicuous this time.

“But I didn’t even appear out of nowhere. You seem to have a weak heart, doctor.” Grinning he shifted to the side, making space for the other man in case he wanted to join. “But we both agreed that we wanted to meet again. Now might be the possibility.”

The scent almost numbed him as the muscular man sat down next to him, head thrown back and breathing pattern stabilizing slowly.

“Considering the fact that I have been running around this city for years and never met your extraordinary ass, the frequency of our meetings seems highly suspicious, don't you think?” 

_ It’s not. It’s human even. _

“I disagree. It’s very common to be absolutely unaware of someone or something until one's attention is focused on it once. It becomes impossible to ignore right after. You painted my body and since then my appearance evokes a reaction, recognition in this case,” Hyungwon elaborated, aware of how typical and useful the human feature was. He used it on a regular basis. Once the memory was gone the ability to recognize him or see him in the crowd disappeared too. “You just didn’t pay attention before and neither did I.”

“Fuck my life.” The other groaned and turned towards him, thighs touching and causing warmth in his chest, hunger increasing. “Did you eliminate a raw cow again?” Lifting a finger, Hoseok stroked over his bottom lip and the corner of his lips. “They're bloody.”

_ Oops. _

Hyungwon smirked and used his tongue to lick over his red lips thoroughly, immediately identifying the taste of blood, left from the raw meat he had inhaled at Kihyun’s place. He hadn’t bothered to check whether the bloody color had remained on his usually rather pink lips.

“I wouldn’t say ‘raw’, but rather ‘rare’,” he remarked and curled his fingers around the pale wrist, keeping it in place as he licked over the stretched out finger, making sure to remove the dark red blood that stained it as well, grin in place. He didn’t let go of the wrist even when his tongue disappeared between his plump lips, staring at the muscular man and examining his expressions and bodily reactions. It was easy to tell how his heartbeat picked up at the contact and the closeness. It was tempting and the burning in his chest only increased although he had fed only recently.

_ You still want to taste him, even when you should be sated. _

_ It’s not about hunger anymore. _

“So now you not only want to make out but also lick my fingers? How about making a list of things you want to do with me and I'll make a list of the vital signs and blood tests I'd like to do with you?” Hoseok grinned and gave him another peck, pulling his wrist as if on purpose, showing what he had to offer but not giving him the full course. He was rather strong for a human, muscles fulfilling their purpose.

_ Fuck. _

The kiss took his concentration for a few seconds, eyes closing immediately to not reveal himself in case the bead reacted too strongly, which it did. Warmth returned to his chest and his heart beat spiked up at the contact. His senses sharpened, which was always a bad sign, sweet scent drowning him completely. He couldn’t tell how much time passed as he focused his energy on his human form, forcing the bead to return and slide back down. 

Once he felt secure enough to remain human he opened his eyes, fixating on the black-haired man in front of him and remembering the uttered words.

_ Blood tests? No fucking way. _

Hyungwon let go of the pale wrist slowly, paying particular attention to it appearing natural and not too rushed, worried that the other man might have immediately realised the change with how attentive he was to irrelevant things. There was no way that Hyungwon would agree to a deal that involved a detailed examination of his body functions. It was way too dangerous.

_ You can’t reveal yourself, no matter what. Even this sudden dependency isn’t enough to allow it. You have to make him act on it differently. _

“So now you suddenly do want something from me? I thought it was just a meeting,” he said with a grin and played with a strand of his hair, curling it around a finger before he let go and leaned closer, keeping the non-existent distance for his purposes. “In addition you appear to like pecking me like a preschooler for some reason.”

“First, it's not a meeting but me jogging and you sitting on a bench like a creep in a park full of people being the misanthrope you are. Second, I could kiss you but that’s what you want so why should I give it to you? Tell me about yourself, or better, your reasons for wanting something from me so persistently.” The muscular man dared to blow air against his lips on purpose.

Hyungwon held his breath to not react too unnaturally, staring at Hoseok without a break.

_ Misanthrope? Well, that's not quite accurate. _

He loved humans as long as the contact involved their lips being connected and energy flowing through his body with the help of his bead. Simple as that.

“So you only resist because I want it? Isn't that childish? Both of us could be profiting from acting on mutual desire already.” He sighed and moved closer, allowing their thighs to touch now that his bead had calmed down again. “I want it because it's desirable, you’re attractive and I want to feel more of it. A human obsession maybe,” he explained, disliking the comparison with an obsession, but unable to think of anything else that sounded believable enough. It was still better than ‘I want your life energy and you're not giving it to me’.

_ Just work with human methods, appear emotionally invested. _

“You're obsessed with me? It might be a side effect of your condition. Do you have an elevated sex drive?” A cool palm travelled along his thigh while Hoseok whispered those words against his mouth like a fucking tease. 

_ He’s trying to figure you out but he won’t be able to. _

It was amusing how the black-haired man immediately connected his response with sexual attraction, absolutely irrelevant to Hyungwon’s desire to kiss the other man. But it might have been a good method to get the other to comply.

_ Humans are simple, they react to sexual attraction easily and without much effort. That’s how you get them, Hyungwon. _

“Actually I don’t,” he whispered in response, forcing his bead to stop overreacting to the proximity and focusing on his human acting skills. They were particularly developed over the past millennia. Inhaling sharply, senses reacting to the sweet scent, he covered the pale hand with his own and followed the movement over his thigh. It was difficult but he had to be less desperate for this to work. He only needed to taste the other man once in order to be able to move on to equally satisfying victims. “But you make me want to be close, Hoseok.”

_ You just never had the bead focus on anybody without getting them. _

“Why does everything you say sound like an obvious lie?”

_ Why can he tell so easily? You are good at this. _

“Maybe you just have trust issues,” he whispered against the other man’s ear and inhaled, sweet scent even stronger with how close he was, forcing him to shut his eyes and hold his breath.

“Maybe you're just greedy, creepy and possibly ill? Listen up, Hyungwon, don't waste your energy on me. I'm not a good hook up for you. You're tempting and beautiful, really hot and obviously have some kind of condition I'm particularly interested in, but there will be no making out unless I have the feeling it's not coming from some crazy part of your brain.” Sharp teeth bit into his lower lip, pulling a little before letting go.

_ He has no idea how right he is about the energy you constantly have to invest, shit. _

He shut his eyes immediately, scent and proximity overwhelming. His lips parted almost automatically, body reacting and preparing for a kiss that wasn't meant to come. The dissatisfaction returned, causing a wave of anger to rush through him, expressed in sharpened nails and a tight grip. The lack of pain surprised him enough to open his eyes again, realising that his hand was still covering the other man's. 

_ Fuck. _

He let go immediately, shock sufficient to return his human features and pulling the bead back into his chest. 

“You don't do casual hook-ups?” he asked quietly, rubbing over the palm he had scratched in a desperate attempt to make it better. “I'm sorry about that. Are you okay?”

_ Stop fucking up, Hyungwon. You control the bead, it's not meant to control you.  _

Just that the human form was just a mask, only kept in place with the help of human energy. It was ironic actually, wasting human energy to appear like a human and thereby gaining more human energy. Usually the process was simple but Hyungwon had never encountered a human that resisted so much and ruined his ability to choose a victim freely. He needed to have Hoseok. 

“What do you want from me, and don't tell me it's this stupid kiss. My body wants to jump you but my mind tells me to stay away from you. Why do you think I'm sitting here instead of jogging as I should be?” The other man licked over his lips.

Hyungwon examined the facial expression, hesitating to answer and attempting to make a beckoning-independent decision that would bring him closer to what he wanted. It was difficult with how Hoseok never acted according to his desires but something invisible that happened inside his head, impossible to track. 

_ This would be easier if you could read thoughts.  _

He continued stroking over the slightly cooler palm, hoping the pain that he had inflicted was gone by now and wouldn't cloud the other man's judgement. 

_ He wants you though. Act on it. _

“Can't you stop listening to your mind, Hoseok?” he whispered, allowing his fingers to stroke along the lower arm and moving upwards instead of remaining with the palm. The contact was a little too much for him but it was perfect to bring his point across, bead burning in his chest and absorbing the tiny bits of energy that the black-haired man released constantly. He wanted more of it. Fuck. “I want you.”

“You have sharp nails.” The other man stood up roughly, looking down at him. “My mind is the reason I'm alive, Hyungwon.”

_ Shit, it must have really hurt. Better hope that you didn't leave a mark. _

“Then I'll have to change your mind.” He looked up, meeting the dark brown eyes and inhaling the sweet scent involuntarily, weakened with the distance the black-haired man put between them. “I'm sorry for hurting you. It hadn't been my intention.”

“Yup, just like throwing me against the wall and bruising my shoulder. Don't die and get a fucking check up.” Hoseok clenched his fists, drops of blood falling down on the pathway before the other man turned around and sprinted away.

_ Shit. _

Hyungwon immediately lifted his hand, examining the palm and nails, trying to figure out how much damage he had done. There was blood on it. He didn't need to see it to know as the scent was almost overwhelming and blurring his senses with how strong it was. It was just as sweet as everything else about the attractive black-haired man.

_ You bruised him enough to bleed. _

His heartbeat picked up, possible scenarios filling his head, suspicions that only grew until they led to people digging too deep, ending in their own death and the need for him to disappear again. If the other man got suspicious he needed to kiss him even more, numb him enough to forget.

_ He can't know.  _

Hyungwon didn't have the choice of ignoring the scent. For that it was too strong and he was too focused on it, identifying it over several kilometers.

_ But you can do damage control.  _

Inhaling sharply he ran, attempting to catch up with the other man without seeming even more inhuman than he already did. Once he could see the broad body in front of him, scent stronger than the visual input, he grabbed the muscular shoulder, lightly this time to stop him.

_ Be humanly genuine, admit to mistakes. _

“Wait, Hoseok. I'm sorry for being like this. There is just something about you that grabs my attention and doesn't allow me to remove it.” He increased his breathing frequency to seem like he had invested effort, harsh exhales leaving his lips. He had to be more truthful to make the other man trust him. There was no other way. “I want to get closer to you, please let me.”

The black-haired man turned and circled a hand around the back of his neck, leaning in and kissing him again. It was absolutely unexpected as the curved lips parted for a couple of seconds longer than before, muscular chest pressing against his.

_ Yes. _

Hyungwon's arms immediately curled around the black-haired man's waist, keeping their bodies attached and parting his own lips, reaction instant as he licked over the soft, curved mouth, luring him towards himself full force so as to not lose the contact. The scent was addicting and just as pleasant to perceive as the small amounts of energy that Hyungwon was able to get from the touch alone, willingly given to him by the man in his arms. His eyes closed and he felt the warmth spread in his chest, moving upwards towards his lips.

_ Just a little bit more.  _

He felt a violent push as the lips left him, the scent getting further away. The action was sudden and Hyungwon barely managed to close his mouth and shut his eyes, forcing the pearl of light to return to his chest and thereby give him his human features back.

_ Fuck, you're in the middle of a park surrounded by humans. What were you even thinking? _

The mesmerizing human in front of him made it impossible to resist, body immediately reacting to each bit of contact he could get, sucking up the small bits of energy and transforming whenever the possibility to take everything appeared.

“It's the same. Fuck, it's the same,” Hoseok whispered and sprinted away faster than before.

_ What is the same? _

Hyungwon didn't need to open his eyes to know that the black-haired man ran away from him, feeling how the distance built up between their bodies, calm returning just like the appropriate appearance. 

_ It’s not fear, Hyungwon. He isn’t afraid at all, none of the usual signs were there. _

Hyungwon had encountered victims that panicked during the transfer. They realised that something was wrong but were unable to help it, still starving for his touch. He had also encountered obsessed victims that wanted to remain close. That wanted to repeat the sensation and loved the intense attraction they felt towards him since it compensated for the emptiness they felt apart from it.

_ But you never met anybody who was able to break the kiss once it started. Never. _

The attraction kept his victims close, drowning in the wish to be near him, paralyzing them as soon as their lips touched. It was impossible to resist the strength of the pull, connecting lips only adding to the effect through the bead moving towards the source of energy. But Hoseok was able to break it, just like that, pushing him away forcefully and running for his life.

_ He’s different, Hyungwon. He must have something that the others don’t. _

No matter how far the doctor ran the scent remained prominent, easily identifiable when the other man crossed a street, ran past a bus stop and turned around another corner. It didn't matter whether Hyungwon cared or not, it was like he had a radar and Hoseok was the only individual on it, special in more ways than one.

_ Why is he able to resist? What makes him so special that he has the strength to stay away from you? _

The ability made no sense, stemming out of nothing, body and features perfectly human just like every other victim Hyungwon had had. The aura was bright and a beautiful light blue, just as much of a sign for humanity as everything else about the black-haired man. There was nothing unusual about him apart from his constant concern and ability to resist every attempt at closeness, not reacting to the beckoning and breaking the energy transfer even when it had almost begun.

The will-power was beyond usual, reaching new heights and awakening his curiosity with each meeting. Hoseok was different. Hyungwon only needed to find out how.

_ You need to get closer, much closer. _

There had to be something that could make the strong resolve crack, allowing him to get under the other man's skin, close enough to reduce the pressure in his chest to follow the sweet scent.

_ The problem isn’t that he can resist you, Hyungwon. _

_ It’s that you can’t resist him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 15th of June at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why is science like this? Maybe we have some kind of crooked dynamics, you and I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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_ 130bpm when he sits and smiles, 130bpm when he does a 300m sprint even though you were running 12km/h. _

Hoseok sat at his kitchen table after showering, watching the red, bloody marks on his left hand. It looked as if a giant cat had scratched him deeply, wounds not round but sharp like needles. He was lucky that he could still move it and that it wasn't his right hand. Being a surgeon made his right hand the most important tool.

_ It doesn't make sense, Hoseok. Are you hallucinating? Are you making things up because you can't get over the fact that you're healed and alive?  _

_ Need more action? Attention? Attraction?  _

_ Drop this.  _

It was Sunday and he had promised to get a drink with Changkyun in the evening. He put  antiseptic cream on the wounds and bandaged his hand such that they weren't visible. He had to think about a nice excuse to bullshit his best friend with, instead of saying that a pink-haired devil with a body temperature of 39 degrees Celsius and a 130 bpm resting pulse had tried to get a kiss, ripping his hand open instead.

_ Why is it you? Why does he want you? It doesn't make sense, he was annoyed by everything you said, he was disgusted by the fucking tea and angry at you for not kissing him. _

More important than Hyungwon’s reaction had been the fact that his body burned up as soon as their lips touched. Hoseok couldn't help testing it out repeatedly, ending in the long kiss, hot tongue sliding along his lips and a painful sensation crawling up his chest, setting everything on fire and forcing him to push the attractive man away. 

_ Why? It's as if it tells you that you shouldn't do it.  _

_ You shouldn't, because he doesn't give a single shit about you. Stop thinking about him, it's not worth the resources, they're precious. _

Throwing a black button down over his pale and muscular shoulders, Hoseok looked into the mirror, examining the slightly greenish-yellow spots on his right shoulder, faded from the deep bruises the long fingers had left back when they met in the burger restaurant. Glancing over to the left, he could see blue ones the other man had left while stopping him on his way home from work.

_ He's marking you all the time as if you're his fucking possession. _

_ And you're used to pain so you just let it happen as if it's natural. _

Shaking his head, he closed the buttons one after another, fixing his hair and arranging the black jeans a little lower on his hips. Changkyun wanted to drink in a new, fancy bar so he had to wear something different from his usual black t-shirt.

_ You look good, your hair is so long already. _

_ But he can't be wanting you because of your looks, you had them before. _

Hoseok wanted to slap himself for constantly thinking about Hyungwon, mind occupied with either the extraordinary taste the hot tongue had left on his lips, the other man's condition, or the way the long pupils dilated as soon as he came closer.

_ Forget all of this, Hoseok. There's no point.  _

He brushed his hair back once, slipped into his chucks and ran down the stairs, out into the warm evening air. 

Breathing was so nice, different scents entering his nose and creating a distinct picture of a Sunday night in Munich, flowers, trees, car pollution and beer. 

The bar was rather full but he had found Changkyun after the other had waved him over to one of the tables, a gin and tonic already standing across from the grinning man.

“I did well, right? Wait- what the fuck happened to your hand?” His best friend’s eyes widened and he took Hoseok's palm into both of his, examining the bandage and trying to look under it. Hoseok pulled his hand out of the grip.

“Nothing, cutting oranges.” 

The black eyes narrowed on his, lips curled up in a smirk. 

“On the back of your left hand? It's bleeding through a little, I can see that it's the top, the question is- why the fuck are you trying to bullshit me?” 

“Nothing happened. So, how are the shifts next week? I can take a couple for you.” Hoseok tried to change the topic as he looked past his best friend and ended up staring right into a pair of orange-brown eyes. 

_ Fuck.  _

“Yes, please, Tuesday and Wednesday, I have a date. What are you looking at? Did you see a ghost?” Changkyun sipped on his tequila sunrise, not focusing on his hand anymore. 

“I wish,” he whispered, gaze fixed on the big orbs. Hoseok kept the eye contact, staring back and rolling the straw between his teeth, mouth corners lifting up at the craziness of the situation. There was no doubt that the pink-haired man had known where to find him. They never met by chance, apart from the burger restaurant, Hyungwon had been unaware of his presence back then.

_ It seems as if he’s hunting you, as if you're some kind of prey. _

_ Which you're definitely not. _

He listened to Changkyun's monologue about the new female neurosurgeon and how the other man had the best chances because he was the smartest in their department while Hyungwon's amber-brownish orbs were piercing his soul mercilessly.

_ Try it out. _

Hoseok focused his eyes on the intimidating gaze and imagined vividy going over to the beautiful man, leaning in and tasting him, tongue parting the plump lips and sliding inside the addicting mouth, giving into his desire and melting into the kiss. His attention was focused on the light brown eyes and how they changed only from his own imagination of an action, pupils widening slowly.

The pink-haired man was sitting alone at his table, as if he didn't intend on being seen by anyone apart from Hoseok. It was strange how nobody paid attention despite the obvious attractiveness of the symmetric face and the presence of equally young individuals, probably looking for someone like Hyungwon to brighten their evening. 

Plump lips took a sip of the drink standing in front of the young man, red in colour. It must have been a Bloody Mary, fitting perfectly with the deep colour of the attractive mouth. Hyungwon began smiling, as if he was aware of what Hoseok was doing, turning the straw in his drink with the tip of his middle finger. 

Closing his eyes briefly, Hoseok imagined raking his hand through his pink hair and pressing their bodies closer, kissing intensely , tongues playing with each other and scents intertwining. He opened them again, staring at the handsome face.

Hyungwon was still smirking, but the long finger had stopped playing with the straw. Instead there was a change in his pupils as the wish to walk over and eliminate the distance between them only increased. The other's light brown eyes didn't let him go.

_ He's playing with your attraction. _

“Holy fuck, isn't that the model you painted on? Are you having a staring contest? What's going on, Hoseok?” Changkyun’s familiar voice shifted his attention away from the intense eyes and he focused on his best friend who was staring at him in disbelief.

_ You're having a fight over something that he wants and you're not willing to give. It's not the stupid kiss, is it? _

“Yes, it's him. I didn't know he would be here though and we have this tension problem between us.” Hoseok grinned at his own words, describing the situation perfectly. He didn't feel like he was able to let go of the beautiful man but at the same time something told him to stay away.

“He really looks like some angel-like devil or something, wow. Models are really something else. I'll go pee and you can stare some more if it gets you going,” Changkyun muttered and stood up, leaving in the direction of the bathroom.

Hoseok returned his gaze to the large brown eyes, appearing brighter despite the dimmed light in the bar. The long fingers were sliding over the surface of the glass, leaving paths on the condensed water. Everything seemed impossibly sharp despite the distance, surroundings blending out apart from the mesmerizing face a few meters away from him. Licking over his lips slowly the pink-haired man lifted his left hand, singling out his long index finger and bending it smoothly, beckoning him over. 

_ Why do you have to go? Why do you feel like you have to go there? _

Hoseok felt an uncomfortable warmth inside his chest and inhaled deeply. His eyes closed for a short moment to escape the intensity before he shook his head and caught the straw with his lips, taking a long sip.

There was a small shift in the other man's gaze, possibly surprise but it was difficult to tell with him. Grinning the model brushed a hand through his pink hair and stood up, curling his long fingers around his drink to take it along. The intense gaze remained focused on Hoseok, not leaving even when the other's lean body made its way over to him, desire to be close only increasing with the shrinking distance.

_ Is there even a way to make it stop? _

Hoseok observed the movements, the way Hyungwon used his body was mesmerising, smooth and clear actions, steps fluent and without sound.

Once the beautiful man reached him he placed the blood-coloured drink across from Hoseok and sat down, legs crossing immediately and index finger and thumb of his right hand curling around the blue straw, plump lips taking a sip. The pupils were wider than they had been before, as if reacting to their proximity.

“Do you prefer to be pursued, Hoseok?”

“I don't care about stuff like that. Did you decide on haunting me?” He tilted his head to the side and eyed the slim body clad in a black silk shirt with a ribbon and tight black jeans, pink hair standing out, just like the light brown eyes.

“I wouldn't call it ‘haunting’, that would mean my goal is to scare you, which it isn't. You want me but you stay away, I am pretty sure that's the usual sign for the wish to be pursued, be convinced while feeling desired,” the low voice commented as Hyungwon reached out and placed his palm on top of Hoseok’s which rested on the black surface. It was hot.

“I'm not scared of you. Not at all. I also don't want you to pursue me but you keep appearing out of nowhere, grabbing my attention and forcing me to want you. I'm already doing everything to stay away but you're not helpful here. Furthermore I have no desire to burn down. You didn't give me any proper reason to ignore it.” Hoseok just kept his gaze on the intense eyes, his hand warming up under the hot palm.

“I like that you're not scared, I can tell,” Hyungwon exhaled and leaned forward, removing some of the distance and only increasing the constant desire to kiss the beautiful man. “You stay away because it burns? Isn't that usually a good thing? It speaks for intensity, strong emotions and a bond.” There was a pause as the other man licked over his lips again and stroked along Hoseok’s arm before returning to the hand. “You're so different, Hoseok, it fascinates me.”

“It's not a good thing that it hurts for no reason. My pain tolerance is incredibly high but thinking about it, I see no point in hurting myself for nothing without the deep emotional urge to do so and without obviously helping you in any way. There are no emotions, Hyungwon, that's why it's so weird.” His eyes narrowed and he turned his hand under the other man's palm, grabbing the slim wrist and feeling the pulse.

The large eyes narrowed at the action, hand immediately leaving his as if the mere attempt to feel his pulse was sufficient to break the contact.

“I still don't understand your problem, isn't desire an emotion? What makes you think that being close to me won't be worth it? Don't you want it more the closer you get?” the pink-haired man asked, confusion finally recognizable on his face as the large eyes remained narrowed and the lips parted a little. “You shouldn't be able to resist.”

_ He knows that you should be succumbing. He's doing it on purpose. _

Hoseok grabbed the round chin with his thumb and index finger, leaning in and parting the plump lips with his tongue, the taste of the  woods spreading inside his mind and body starting to burn, traveling along his limbs and chest, following up towards his neck, the pain unbearable. He leaned back, trying to force the painful expression on his face to the back. 

“This. This hurts, and I’m not willing to ignore it just for your selfish wish that has no backup.”

The other man wasn’t looking at him, hands clenched into fists and eyes closed. The plump lips were pulled into the mouth and there was no reaction to his words, as if the model struggled with something. The grip appeared strong, knuckles absolutely white compared to the usual golden skin tone. Sucking in a deep breath, the pink-haired man held the air in his lungs for a while before exhaling slowly, eyes remaining shut and hands tensed. 

A minute or more must have passed until Hyungwon's eyes finally opened, bright brown colour captivating Hoseok again as his lips parted and the other man’s features finally relaxed, fists unclenching and slipping under the table immediately.

“Kissing me hurts you?” he asked quietly, disbelief audible from his words. “It’s supposed to numb your senses, not make you feel pain. I don’t understand.”

“Everything I know about you confuses me, Hyungwon. I have no idea, it has no biological back up, just like your heart beat and your body temperature and the fact that you managed to rip the back of my hand with your very neatly cut fingernails. The only thing that I know is that my body burns up from the inside as soon as I touch your mouth with my lips. I don't want it, it hurts.” Hoseok removed his gaze and licked his lips, still tasting the other man on them before taking a sip of his gin and tonic to stop thinking about it.

“I would love to give you peace of mind, Hoseok, but I don’t think I can.” Hyungwon drank another gulp of his cocktail, voice resigned as if he genuinely didn’t believe that there was a choice in his actions. “Would you believe me if I told you that it would stop once you let me kiss you?”

“No.” The answer was fast, automatic, stating the truth in a matter of a seconds. He didn't believe a single thing the other man had said since they'd met. 

“Then so be it,” Hyungwon responded calmly, unlike his reaction after the kiss, taking another sip of his blood-coloured drink and turning his right wrist in a smooth motion. “What do I need to do to be able to be close to you, Hoseok? What do you need to feel at ease? Would you be willing to meet me?”

“You want to be close to me? You told me you wouldn't need bullshit like this, not my personality and not emotions, why are you like this now?” He felt frustrated at the continuous waste of his precious resources just to explain to the beautiful man that he wouldn't give him what he wanted. “What if I told you that you won't get what you want no matter how hard you try?”

“Then I’m going to go mad.” The deep gaze fixed on him again, not breaking as the seconds ticked along, right hand reappearing and curling around Hoseok’s wrist, stroking along the delicate veins repeatedly, impossibly tender. “I need it. At least the proximity even if it’s not a kiss.”

_ Why does he need to be close to you? _

“Why?” He put his bandaged hand over the other man's thin underarm, stroking along the golden skin, so incredibly warm to the touch.

Hyungwon blinked slowly, intensity disappearing before it returned full force, eyes widening at the sight of Hoseok’s bandaged hand.

“Shit- I’m sorry, it must have been bad.” Long fingers stroked over the bandage, careful as if he was worried to hurt Hoseok further. Licking over his lips the beautiful man leaned in before finally responding to the posed question. “Because at this point I am unable to focus on anything but you, Hoseok. No matter where you are. I need to be close.” Inhaling deeply and keeping the scent in his lungs for a while the pink-haired man suddenly sighed. “Your friend has returned - for a while already - and is too scared to come close. Maybe you should do something about that.”

Hoseok turned around, looking at his best friend who was standing a couple of metres away from their table and staring into nothing, so unlike himself.

Returning his gaze back to the brown orbs with slightly dilated pupils, Hoseok lifted the big hand and placed a kiss on it. 

“Do what you want, Hyungwon. At this point I don't have the feeling that I can do anything to make you stop besides giving you the kiss, which I won't.”

“I know,” the other man replied simply, watching the way Hoseok’s curved lips touched his skin intently. “I want to meet you again, Hoseok. Voluntarily from your side.”

Hoseok smiled, stroking over the hot skin before letting go. 

“Let's see how far I'll go without having your number and the supreme olfactory sense or whatever you use to determine where I am located.” 

“You found me the first time,” Hyungwon whispered in reply and glanced to the side quickly before he returned his light brown eyes to Hoseok’s, mouth corners lifting in a mirroring smile.

The sense of urgency that Hoseok felt, wanting to be close to the other man, seemed to disappear, as if it hadn’t been there in the first place. Relaxing a little he could see how Changkyun made his way over to them in the corner of his eye.

“I didn't search for you.” 

Hoseok kept staring, trying incredibly hard to determine what it was that the beautiful man did to him, explanation not sufficient in any way. When Hyungwon had looked away he felt tired, tired of constantly fighting the urge to melt into the perfect, full lips. It was exhausting.

Hyungwon nodded politely at Changkyun, very much unlike the way he had behaved around Hoseok from the beginning, and leaned back against his chair, emptying the last bit of his cocktail.

“You were looking for a model to paint on and I was perfect, so you were indeed searching for me, Hoseok. I will be waiting for you to contact me,” the pink-haired man said quietly and stood up.

Hoseok nodded and turned to his friend who looked a little out of it. 

“You fine? You look spaced out.” 

The rest of the evening was dominated by his feeling of exhaustion and Changkyun's strange confused state. His own thoughts kept circling around the pink-haired man with the stunning eyes. 

_ Something about this was fishy. _

_ All of it.  _

_

 

The days passed in what felt like a split second, work consuming his mind and time, patients over patients, some death cases tainting his mood and returning the feeling of helplessness about not being able to save everybody.

One of them had been a patient with an overdose of amphetamines, pulse over 130 and hyperthermia resulting in heart failure and death. He had tried so hard to save the man, but the organ damage had been too severe for him to do anything.

_ And you let Hyungwon run around with it since forever, he'll most definitely die from this, Hoseok. _

_ Shit. _

He felt his lungs clench at the thought, wishing to see the other man immediately, to make sure that he was alive and his vital signs were good.

_ Why do you care so much about him? He'll just try to get that stupid kiss again. _

Hoseok didn't care, pulling out his smartphone and searching for the email with Hyungwon's contact details that Max had sent him for the body painting session. He typed the number into his phone and pressed the call sign, heartbeat getting faster and waiting for Hyungwon to pick up.

“Chae Hyungwon, how may I help you?” the familiar low voice replied, distant and professional although it should have been his private phone.

“Dr. Lee speaking. Shouldn't you get a check up on your general health state soon?” Hoseok couldn't help playing along after hearing the other man speaking in such a formal manner.

“Hoseok? Are you really calling because you are worried about my health?” There was a chuckle on the other side of the line, muffled noises in the background indicating that the model was at a crowded place. “You're at work, aren't you? Shouldn't you check up on real patients instead of me?”

“Yes, I am longing to feel your pulse and body temperature. Furthermore I have two weeks worth of additional hours I have to take holidays for, so I'll be on my way home in half an hour. What are you up to? Eating raw cow?” He chuckled and threw his blazer over one shoulder, preparing to leave the building.

Hyungwon laughed brightly at the comment, walking somewhere as the surrounding noise level changed. 

“Funnily enough I'm not. I'm working right now, should be done in about one and a half hours if that's fine with you.” The pink-haired man appeared rather cheerful compared to his usual mood, more teasing but at the same time distant.

“Love, the shoot is continuing, talk to your secret lovers later,” a high-pitched male voice commented somewhere in the distance. Hoseok vaguely remembered it to be the model's manager. 

“Yeah, love, just call when you're done, your secret lover will be waiting.” Hoseok grinned to himself.

There was silence for a few seconds until he heard the other man sigh, muffling noise indicating that he had covered the microphone with his palm as he answered his manager, not meant to be heard by Hoseok.

“Lovers kiss properly, Hoseok,” the model remarked as soon as the noise level had returned to normal, people talking loudly in the background. “I’ll call you.” 

There were a few seconds of nothing until the other man simply hung up.

_ Amazing. _

_

__  
Hoseok wanted to know more. Casual meetings in parks or restaurants usually didn’t give him anything but bruises on his shoulders, so he decided to change his tactics. As soon as his phone rang he had picked up and told the other man to come over to his place, purposefully not mentioning the address before hanging up and letting himself fall on the yellow couch.    
  
_ Why are you even curious? He will find you, Hoseok.  _ __  
__  
The belief was absolutely stable although it didn’t really make any sense considering the fact that he had never told Hyungwon where he lived.  Only half an hour passed before his suspicion was confirmed and the sound of his bell ripped him out of thoughts about possible treatment methods for drug induced hyperthermia paired with tachycardia in patients who didn’t want to be touched or treated. Pressing the key he heard the lock open at the front entrance and opened his apartment door, waiting for the pink-haired man.

Only a few seconds passed as Hyungwon must have run up the stairs, familiar hair appearing at the bottom of the last staircase and moving towards him as the light brown eyes focused on his face, pupils dilating the closer the tall man got.   
  
“Your stalking skills are supreme, come in,” Hoseok commented opening the door wide and unable to look away from the fascinating eyes.

“Thank you,” the pink-haired man replied with a grin, visibly unconcerned by the comment and unwilling to elaborate on how the hell he managed to find Hoseok’s apartment in thirty minutes. Inhaling deeply Hyungwon walked through the door frame, glancing around and stopping in front of a bookshelf almost instantly, observing the contents. “I like your book collection, it’s less focused on a particular epoch, but involves various authors from different times. Admirable.”   
  
“Thank you, did you eat?” he asked, following the slim figure that showed absolutely no signs of shame, walking through his apartment and touching things.

“If you are wondering whether my stomach is empty, yes it is.” The tall man was distracted with pictures that stood on a dresser in his living room, taking the frames into his long fingers and examining the people depicted. He was wearing something more compliant with his profession compared to their other meetings, black leather pants curling tightly around his long legs and red silk shirt emphasizing his waist and the equally red colour of his lips, black leather boots still attached to his feet. “Who is this?”   
  
“My mom.” Taking the picture frame out of the other's long fingers he put it back on its designated spot. “I bought steak. Want some?”

“I’d love some,” Hyungwon replied quietly, examining his facial expressions and leaning on the dresser with his elbow, one leg carrying most of the probably non-existent weight. “You’re less different than I thought, equally attached to family members and putting pictures of close people everywhere. The one in your hallway is of your graduation, isn’t it?”   
  
“You wanted me to be different? Compared to whom? Why is it even relevant whether I have pictures at home or not? I also have one of you, want me to put that up too?” Hoseok grinned and walked over to the kitchen to get the good quality meat out of the fridge. He payed shit loads of money buying the extra fresh one from the butcher so the pink-haired devil could eat it raw without getting nasty bacteria or parasites.

“Compared to other people,” the pink-haired man remarked and followed him to the kitchen, immediately jumping up on the counter and opening a drawer, looking inside curiously. The first drawer was followed by another and another until his arms weren’t long enough to reach the next one and he stopped, unwilling to move away from the spot. The other's long legs were dangling down, emphasizing how tight the leather pants were, even more so than when the tall man was standing. “I just think that the affection towards family is genetically based in humans, something that is meant to enhance survival and increase the likelihood of producing offspring. Nowadays that purpose is gone as most people live on their own, take care of themselves and don’t have any need for family, only going to forced Christmas and Easter meetings and hating everybody quietly while producing one fake smile after the next.”   
  
_ Welcome back Mr. Misanthropy. _ __  
__  
“You must indeed be extraordinary, determining my qualities by looking at the arrangement of the apartment I spend five percent of my time in. And you’re this amazing extraterrestrial creature not needing any affection or relationships but still sitting on my kitchen counter because of a fucking kiss you obviously want to have.”

A grin spread on the beautiful face as Hyungwon crossed his legs, leaning his head against a drawer and watching him intently.

“Today I am satisfied with steak,” he commented and brushed his pink hair away from his forehead. It remained in place for a few seconds before it fell down again, making him look younger than it did without. “I’m not extraterrestrial. I just have rather strong opinions on family I guess. Got disappointed often enough.”   
  
“Disappointment is a thing. I can understand that. You’ll get  the steak raw because the quality is amazing and it must’ve been a ridiculously happy cow so I hope you’ll enjoy.” Hoseok put his  own piece of meat on the pan, frying noises filling the kitchen as he placed the blood red fillet steak on the white plate. “Do you need salt or anything else?”

The pink-haired man slipped down from the counter, not making a single sound as his feet hit the ground despite the leather shoes with a heel. Licking over his lips briefly he crossed the distance to the white table, pulling the chair back and sitting down.

“You’re fine with me eating it like this?” Hyungwon asked carefully before grabbing the prepared knife and fork and cutting a relatively big piece, impaling it on the fork. “No disgust or discomfort, worry for my health or whatever your mind produces at the sight?”   
  
“I made sure it’s safe to eat, so no. Why would I be disgusted? You have no idea what I see while being in the emergency room every day. Disgust my ass.” Hoseok chuckled and turned his steak, observing the tasty looking crust. “Regarding your health, eating raw meat is the least of your problems.”

“I like your ambivalence towards gruesome sights. Makes you easier to deal with.” The model cunningly ignored the remark about his health, focusing on the lack of concern instead. “I usually avoid doctors, but you have some good sides to you, apart from resisting I guess.”

_ Resisting. _

Chuckling at his own words the pink-haired man placed the raw meat into his mouth, chewing happily as he cut the next chunk, occupied with eating.   
  
Hoseok took the plate with his own steak and sat down right next to the handsome man, cutting a piece and placing it into his mouth. The meat was delicious.   
  
“Your confidence in getting what you want makes me want to slap you,” Hoseok murmured while chewing.

“Confidence can have two sources, either it is a compensation for one’s own lack of skill, or it is the representation of the presence of that skill, constantly confirmed by successful cases. In my case it is the second. No one has ever been able to resist, not to mention that no one ever felt pain while kissing me. I’m trying to figure out what makes you so special.” Smirking the other man turned towards him, licking a bit of blood from his lower lip.

Establishing eye contact Hoseok realized that the desire to throw himself at the beautiful man had been mostly absent until that moment, light brown eyes drilling right through him and awakening the almost forgotten yearning.   
  
“It’s your eyes, right? The way you look at me makes my body react and want to touch you. They are indeed pretty, I like them.” Hoseok smiled, resisting as hard as he could. “I don’t think that I’m special, I’m just your personal exception.”

“The fact that there are no personal exceptions makes you special, Hoseok,” the pink-haired man replied and leaned forward a little, hands still cutting the meat calmly as if nothing was going on that required his attention. “It’s not my eyes though.”

Looking away Hyungwon placed another chunk of raw meat into his mouth as the desire remained.    
  
_ What is it then? _ __  
__  
“I’d like to know what it is, but on the other hand it doesn’t matter because I won’t give in. It’s just unnecessarily tiring.”    
  
Finishing his steak, Hoseok stood up and put the plate into the dishwasher, before turning the coffee machine on. The desire reduced with the increased distance, disappearing completely all of a sudden as the other man placed a bigger piece between his lips, blood making them even redder than they already were.    
  
Hoseok focused his gaze on the bloody, red lips, absence of desire not preventing him from developing a wish to kiss the handsome man.   
  
_ You want to kiss him although you don’t feel driven to do so. _ __  
__  
He used the moment to close the distance and lean down, kissing the plump mouth, body burning a little, but more pleasant and not comparable to the times before.

The light brown eyes widened at the touch, sight surprising with how differently the other man had reacted previously, either pulling him closer or squeezing his eyes shut. But instead Hyungwon remained absolutely frozen, staring at him in shock. The big hands were lifted up in the air, stopped in the middle of eating the last bit of raw meat.   
  
Hyungwon tasted like blood, but it was fine, hot lips burning against his mouth as he licked over the bottom one, closing his eyes quickly and leaning back.    
  
“Why is science like this? Maybe we have some kind of crooked dynamics, you and I?” Hoseok curled his fingers around Hyungwon’s thin wrist and put it back on the table.

A breath finally left the plump lips, revealing that the model had stopped breathing while their lips were connected, shock tainting the features for a few more moments before they neutralized.

“Why did you kiss me? There shouldn’t have been any wish to do so.” Hyungwon tilted his head in question, a few pink strands covering his right eye with the motion, hands resting calmly on the desk and not showing any desire to eat the last bit of food.   
  
“Why I kissed you? Because I wanted to, independent of this mental feeling of wanting to jump you that you like so much. And it also didn’t hurt, I liked it.” A smile spread on his face at the weird reaction and he leaned against the kitchen counter, waiting for the coffee that he had pressed the button for beforehand.

_ He can do things to you with his mind. But you're not responding the way he is used to. _

“You did?” the low voice asked in surprise, as if enjoying a kiss was beyond strange, eyes widening a little. Exhaling slowly the brown orbs returned to the plate, covered in blood with a small bit of meat in the middle which the pink-haired man immediately impaled on his fork and basically inhaled, mouth opening wide and food disappearing between his lips, drop of blood running down his chin at the action.   
  
“I did, except for the fact that you looked at me as if I was biting off your head, but generally, yes.” Hoseok had wanted to point out that there was blood but just stepped closer, taking the tissue and wiping it away. “Why are you eating like a pig?”

“Let’s agree on ‘fox’ or ‘cat’ or something equally acceptable instead of pig. They are actually rather clean animals considering the image people give them. They are also tasty, but not comparable to beef.” Licking over his lips and part of his chin the attractive man pushed his finished plate to the side, focusing on Hoseok again as if he had finished eating  the appetizer and was continuing with the main course. Intensity returned but without the threatening wish to close the distance and burn to the ground. “If I don’t make you want me, would you kiss me again?”   
  
_ Fox or cat?  _ __  
__  
“Yes. I might.” Grabbing the cup from under the machine, Hoseok smiled and took a sip, black liquid and the delicious scent of coffee filling out his senses. “What do you drink? No tea, I know, but you must drink something.”

“Nevermind about the kiss after you drank that.” There appeared to be disappointment on the pretty features as the pink-haired man stood up and moved towards Hoseok, reducing the distance between them but not doing more than that, merely staring at him. “Water is perfectly fine with me.”  
  
“I’d also prefer coffee over you,” he lied, pulling a glass out of the overhead cupboard and filling it with filtered water before handing the drink to Hyungwon. The other man merely took it and emptied it in a quick motion, placing it on the counter.

“Liar,” the pink-haired man remarked and a smirk appeared on the full lips, corners lifting up. “I benefit more from you when you fight.”

The feeling of desire returned full force, even stronger than it had been while the other man had been occupied with his steak, light-brown eyes impossible to look away from. Even a slow blink didn’t give him relief as the pupils changed visibly, widening consistently. The sight made him realize that Hyungwon had moved closer, less than ten centimeters separating their faces.

“Do you want me to fight you?” Hoseok whispered, hands curling around the edge of the counter, burning inside his chest increasing out of nowhere.

_ What is this? Why can he control that? _

“I’m not sure yet,” the plump lips exhaled against his, inhaling deeply right after as if there was something satisfying to the air around him, brown eyes closing during the action. “There is something calm about your unrestrained self, something strange and difficult to comprehend. You give so much willingly and I don’t understand.”

Sighing the pink-haired man leaned forward past his face, pressing the addicting mouth to his neck instead as the desire to be close disappeared, quickly followed by the burning in his chest.

It was weird. All of it, but Hoseok curled his arms around the slim waist, fingers hurting from the force he had used to hold onto the brown wood and pressed Hyungwon closer, smelling the woods and basking in the delicious scent.

The beautiful man appeared to be doing the same, lips impossibly hot against his skin as he inhaled and kept the air in his lungs for an extended period of time. It was a little strange how the touch stayed in place instead of covering his neck with further kisses.

His hand travelled along the clothed back, warmth seeping through the thin fabric easily. The temperature was about 39 degrees as far as he could tell, but he didn't pay attention, concentrating on the sensation instead. He asked himself how it would feel to hold Hyungwon if they were both naked, skin touching on multiple spots and burning hot. 

“It feels so nice holding you like this,” Hoseok whispered barely audibly.

The man in his arms didn’t respond, keeping the contact to the skin of his neck, hands holding onto the counter instead of Hoseok’s body.

“You drive me mad, Hoseok. This is a dilemma I cannot solve, fuck,” the low voice whispered suddenly, heart rate picking up a little although the resting state was already impossibly fast.

“I'm driving you mad? You're driving me mad! All of this doesn't make any sense whatsoever.” Hyungwon's chest felt so hot against his own, it almost seemed as if there was some kind of energy going back and forth.

“I’m not used to human contact just like this,” the beautiful man murmured, some of the previous confidence dissipating as the lips finally left his neck, head lifting and light brown eyes meeting his. “Why is it fine like this but not when you feel attracted?”

_ It's not attracted. It's obsessed. _

_ Didn't he say that he kissed a lot of people before? Why wouldn't he be used to contact? _

“You don't have to do anything you don't want to, you just told me that you wanted to be close. It's fine like this because it's my genuine wish and it doesn't feel like I'm driven by some drug-induced obsession that my mind is strongly opposed to and that forces my body to burn up from the inside,” Hoseok answered, looking into the interesting eyes.

“Your body is smart,” Hyungwon commented quietly before stepping out of the embrace, visibly dissatisfied with something as he simply took his previous glass and filled it with water again, emptying all of it at once. “I do want to be close to you, I’m just a little confused. It’ll settle.”

“Did you take drugs before, Hyungwon? Actually I called you because I saw a person die in front of my eyes yesterday that had the same condition as you, a drug-induced one.” He turned serious and leaned in, placing his lips over the prominent jugular, heartbeat pumping the blood furiously, not showing any arythmie. 

“No,” the other man replied, obviously a little caught off guard by the sudden action, hands moving immediately to do something but they stopped before Hoseok was able to tell what. “You should warn me before touching me just like that. I might hurt you.”

_ What this time? Will he kick you in the nuts? _

“You already did without me touching you, or was  this something else?” He leaned back and pulled his shirt down his shoulder, showing the green remains of the deep blue bruises. “But sure, I will.”

“Fuck,” Hyungwon hissed loudly, staring at the marks like he saw something like that for the first time. “That's- that's similar. Just warn me.” 

_ So no drugs? What the fuck is it then? _

“You don't like surprises?” He leaned in a little, observing the pupils that were dilating randomly.

“Not the ones that I can't predict.” Licking over his lips the pink-haired man broke the eye contact and inhaled again. “There is something about you that makes me react. I told you, resembling an obsession that I still need to figure out.”

“So you want the obsession to stop and for that you need this kiss whilst I'm burning? Did I understand it right?” Hoseok moved away and jumped up on his kitchen counter, legs hanging down and not touching the ground.

There was hesitation as the big eyes narrowed, not meeting his gaze like the beautiful man didn't want to reveal too much, keeping his mouth shut for longer than appropriate. 

“Something similar,” he whispered eventually, fingers travelling over the counter in Hoseok’s direction but body remaining in place, about a meter between them.

“I see. Do you suffer from it?” Hoseok’s gaze narrowed on the soft features, lips blood red and golden skin covering the beautiful body.

“Define suffering.”

“It hurts. In one way or another, but it doesn't stop.” Whispering the words, Hoseok jumped down and closed the distance watching the other man intently.

The pupils dilated again, lips parting a little as the beautiful man wet his mouth with his pink tongue quickly. 

“It's,” he began but stopped again, upper teeth settling on the full bottom lip, hesitating with his reply. “It's comparable to an addiction. I'm not very familiar with pain but it resembles pressure, limiting my ability to concentrate, using up a lot of my- my resources and forcing me to look for you.”

“You make me want to kiss you again, what a mess,” Hoseok exclaimed and threw his head back staring at the ceiling. “It's similar with me, I guess we really do have crooked dynamics. Although I didn't call you because of the addiction-like feeling. I don't like it.”

“We can't solve this,” the pink-haired man said and curled his fingers around Hoseok’s wrist, increasing bodily contact. “I want you to burn and you want to be calm. It's incompatible.”

“What do you suggest?” Hoseok asked, fingers burning against his skin. His hand travelled to the other man's, thumb stroking over the extraordinarily warm skin.

“I will wait until you are willing to take the burn.” The response was quiet, low voice barely loud enough to hear as the long fingers stroked along his inner wrist, applying almost no pressure.

_ See? He just wants the kiss, burning you to the ground and not giving a single shit.  _

Hoseok removed both of his hands, eyes staring at the handsome face.

“I'm stubborn. You can wait as much as you want.”

“Fine,” Hyungwon whispered, closing the distance again by curling his arms around Hoseok’s waist. “Then let me be close like this at least.” As the other man closed his eyes, lips parting gradually, Hoseok could feel the familiar unpleasant pressure returning, the wish to hold the other man close almost overwhelming, fighting with the desire to push him away.

“There is no way that you'll be the one getting things, you're hugging me, making me exhausted and in the end I'm only at a loss. I won't give you anything if you try to force me, Hyungwon,” Hoseok hissed, teeth clenching at the strain.

The invisible force that pulled him disappeared immediately at the words, only confirming further that the pink-haired man was able to control it at his whim. It appeared like there was more than his words that stopped the unpleasant yearning, something that had an immediately effect on the beautiful man. It didn't make any sense. 

_ You're moving over territory you have no experience with, Hoseok. You have no fucking idea what will happen. _

“But like this you win,” Hyungwon commented, hands stroking over his waist carefully. “I can't do anything like this.”

“Why would I win, Hyungwon? Whatever it is that you want, I might give it to you like this, without you forcing me to.” He did nothing on purpose, hands remaining at his sides.

“But it's not enough, I need more, Hoseok,” the low voice exclaimed, frustration obvious as the plump lips attached to his neck again, pulling him close and inhaling deeply, lean muscles tensing in reaction. 

“Maybe we shouldn't meet. Maybe it'll be fine after a while. You must've survived without me somehow so you will be able to survive further,” Hoseok whispered. “Just like I did.” Hyungwon's hot lips burned against his skin and his own wish to touch the other man increased with each passing second. “What do you need it for? Why is it me?” The way Hyungwon had pressed his lean body against him sent shivers down his spine, reaction most definitely obvious to the other man.

“I don't know, Hoseok.” The beautiful man got only closer in response, lips parting and sucking lightly at his skin, probably leaving a mark with how sensitive it was. “You are able to resist and I don't know why. It makes me want you more. You changed something and there is no going back.”

The long arms let go of him, distance increasing as Hyungwon stared at him for a few seconds.

“There are only two solutions and you won't like either of them,” the pink-haired man whispered then turned around suddenly, steps making absolutely no sound as he passed through the hallway and disappeared through the door. Hoseok didn't hear the door close, he just knew that the other man was gone. 

He stayed back, skin still warm from the touch and neck burning a little. He must've stared at the hallway for at least a couple of minutes.

“How can you know that I won't?” he asked although there was no one to answer.  
  


***  
  


The scent stayed no matter how far he ran, residential house with the prettily arranged apartment already far behind him but sweetness still tickling his nose, beckoning him to turn around. It should have become more difficult to identify the other man, to know where he was, what he was doing and how filled his energy resources were, but it didn't. 

_ It doesn't go away no matter how far you are. You could change country and you would still know.  _

The anger was sudden, bursting in his chest and spreading along his arms as he ran, nails sharpening immediately. Unable to contain it Hyungwon released it along a wall, small sparks appearing at the contact with stone, breaking the smooth surface. The energy was wasted but at least it calmed him down, legs finally slowing down and breaths leaving his lungs with difficulty at the effort he invested to leave the city and put distance between him and his object of desire. 

_ Hoseok, his name is Hoseok.  _

His head hurt, a sign that he had used too much, energy drained from constantly localizing the black-haired man in addition to the need to express his anger at the fact that he had no possibility of getting what he desired, not without forcing it.

_ There are only two possibilities, Hyungwon and neither of them seems likely.  _

He punched his fist into the nearest surface, shape remaining engraved in the wall he had hit, blood running down his knuckles at the force. 

_ Even more energy that will be wasted on healing the wound.  _

There were only two things that could quench his thirst for the light blue aura surrounding the doctor. The first would be Hoseok finally giving in, allowing Hyungwon to take his life force despite the burning pain the other felt, strong enough to give him the ability to stop the bead. 

_ No one could do that before. _

The other possibility was simpler but time consuming and waiting in pain only prolonged the subjective perception of time. He would have to wait until the doctor died, body disappearing in addition to the sweet scent that continuously tortured him and awakened the bead. 

Closing his eyes Hyungwon finally removed his fist from the demolished wall, blood remaining attached to the stone and filling his nose, familiar and in no way resembling the blood of a human. Biting down on his lower lip he curled his other palm around the bruised knuckles and waited for his body to do the job, pulling the skin back together at the cost of the life force inside of him. He closed his eyes and leaned against the cold surface, sinking down until he sat on the ground. 

_ It's more complex than that, Hyungwon. He's strange, you can't predict him. _

Lee Hoseok was an unusual human, showing concern for someone unknown and despicable even though there were no personal benefits for him. It was a first for Hyungwon just like so many other things when it came to the attractive human being. Humans disliked wasted actions, requiring a benefit to have the motivation and the desire to do them, be it money, social status or something basic like sex. Hoseok hadn't expected any of those things when he had called to check on Hyungwon’s well being, just like that. 

_ He's not someone you can force, he won't let you. He resists every attempt no matter how close you are and hates you for it, only increasing the distance you suffer from so much. _

Even now the distance was killing him, pressure of awareness stealing more and more energy. 

_ Why the fuck does he care if it’s not even about him? _

The scent returned full force as soon as Hyungwon’s hand was fully regenerated, energy returning to the localization of the painter that changed his relationship to scents and feeding. 

It was impossible to keep wasting so much strength so Hyungwon turned around, running back to decrease the distance and the waste of energy, only stopping when he was sufficiently close and identified a rather delicious source in the English Garden, alone. 

A smile spread his lips at the mere thought of refilling his resources, calm returning just like the bead reacted to the possibility, preparing immediately as he focused his attraction on the unknown black-haired man that passed the Chinese Tower, stopping suddenly to turn around and look towards Hyungwon, unable to help it. 

_ It's no challenge at all.  _

The thought was sudden, boredom at the situation almost overwhelming as the victim immediately walked towards him and pressed the cold lips against his, bead absorbing the energy until the body fell to the ground, sufficiently drained to not allow the unknown human to remember the events. It was easy and unsatisfactory. It wasn't the energy he really wanted.

_ But there is a way to get the contact, you saw it, the genuine affection.  _

It had been breathtaking how the broad body had moved towards him unexpectedly, scent overwhelming him as the cold lips touched his. Hoseok had visibly enjoyed the kiss compared to the immediate aversion Hyungwon had observed before, Hoseok’s pale palm pushing his chest roughly to free himself.

_ He kissed you without you beckoning him, it was inherent to him, something he wanted to do. _

It made no sense, there was no reason for a human to wish to be close to him based on human emotions. There was nothing that would have evoked them, none of his behaviours showing the usual positive aspects such as care, love and affection that humans yearned for. Hyungwon hadn't even faked any of them, sudden emotional attachment absolutely unexplainable.

_ But it gives you what you want. _

The sudden kiss had been what he wanted, a proper touch, intense contact and long enough to take what he desired, the life force that entered his body whenever the other man fought the attraction, wasting his resources to resist, only to give Hyungwon a tiny taste of what he could have.   


_ The fight tires him out but it feeds you, it's incompatible. _

If Hyungwon didn't lure Hoseok he received the kiss he desired but couldn't take all the energy, bead unprepared to change owner, requiring the intention to work. There was willingly given energy but it couldn't compare to a transfer of the bead, like a bite compared to a whole steak. But if Hyungwon forced desire onto the black-haired man there was resistance, pain obvious in the muscular body, energy draining faster but tainted with negativity, most of it lost in the air unless Hyungwon was close enough - which he couldn't be because Hoseok pushed him away.

_ You can't have it, Hyungwon. He won't let you close unless he does it willingly. _

The scent got weaker suddenly, sweetness disappearing despite the proximity. The familiar building was right in front of him. It was simply more pleasant to be closer as the bead stopped wasting his energy, only the desire to suck the life force out of the muscular body remaining. 

Hyungwon focused further, trying to understand what happened until he identified the almost neutral scent of water, immediately followed by something disgustingly artificial, covering the beautiful sweetness. It was beyond frustrating.

_ He's showering. _

Inhaling sharply Hyungwon used the opportunity and ran back to his house, scent staying faint despite the distance, finally giving him peace. 

_ But it won't stay like that forever. It'll return and you will have to make a decision. _

He didn't want to, shaking his head furiously to get the thoughts out of his head, throwing his body on the soft sheets and letting go of his human form, nails sharpening and eyes changing, senses increasing in their intensity just like the bead reacted, warmth spreading out. 

_ It's dangerous to get close, Hyungwon. _

No matter how different Hoseok seemed and how much it appeared to be the right way to allow the other man to get close, acting on his genuine feelings and allowing him to become attached. Humans were humans and there had always been a good reason to stay away, burned into his mind like a permanent mark on skin. 

_ No one must find out what you are.  _

_ No one.  _

_  
  


The rough texture of the old black and white picture slid over his fingertips, colour even more brown in its hue than the typical black and white edits one was used to nowadays. 

Smiling briefly Hyungwon inhaled the pleasant scent, similar to that of old books mixed with tiny bits of the time the photo had been created. It was a simple shot, showing him in a dark coat and a hat, bright smile on his lips and hair light, arms around a black-haired man who appeared equally happy. 

He liked to keep memories of his previous lives, something that only he possessed, still knowing whom he met, who he had worked with and who had managed to get close enough to lose their memories of themselves and him. It was harsh but there was no other possibility. 

Sighing Hyungwon placed the photograph back into the box, right on top of one that he had taken during the second world war, young boy in his arms that had wished for him to take his life deliberately. He had hoped for a gun but Hyungwon knew less painful ways to free someone of their misery.

_ You did it because he asked you. _

He was lucky that human emotional attachment had always been meaningless to him. Each person he’d ever met resulted in him feeling the least amount of remorse about their passing or the loss of contact. Hyungwon was perfectly fine on his own, feeding on the creature called humans and living among them in peace, using his time to learn something new and develop further skills. He merely wanted to enjoy himself and bask in the pleasure that was the taste and scent of human life force, easily ripped out of someone's hands despite the constant belief that they live forever. 

Humans were disgusting, waging themselves in the belief of eternal life and taking no consequences for their actions, easily judging others even if they belong to them because of small differences like race, skin colour or sexuality. It was pathetic how humans that had centuries to develop remained at the most pathetic of states, judgemental and greedy for personal satisfaction.

Hyungwon had seen enough of it himself, people around him using his profession to make money, to reek rewards for his achievements, to use his body for their personal pleasure just to be disappointed by everything ending with a kiss. 

_ But Hoseok doesn't seem to be like that, he cares for no reason.  _

His fists clenched at the thought, scent more intense due to the sudden association and overshadowing the pleasantness of old photographs. The scent had always been there but whenever Hyungwon thought of the other man it only got worse, desire to see him almost numbing with how it invaded his thoughts and actions, legs almost automatically bringing him close to the black-haired man's house. He never rang the bell but he sure as fuck wanted to. 

_ You only took out the photos to remind yourself. You can't shit your own head, Hyungwon. It's clear that you're thinking of allowing him to attach himself to you. _

Hyungwon was a bad liar, especially to himself, thoughts like an open book, easily read, line for line without a break. 

_ You're scared, scared because there are always two in an interaction. _

His eyes returned to the old box, examining the contents, masses of photographs, objects that people had given to him, letters and presents, expressions of affection, simple self made figurines and something as impersonal as a pen.

_ The knife. There is also the knife. _

Sure, Hyungwon didn't care about humans, not the slightest bit. 

_ Which is why you keep everything that was given to you. _

_ You're a liar, Hyungwon.  _

Biting down on his bottom lip he closed the box, putting the memories back into the basement, hidden away in a dark corner just like they remained closed away in his mind, not worthy of being pulled out until there was something new to place in there. Only when one life ended and another began.

_ There are only four years left until the next one, don't increase the amount of people whom you force to start anew just because of your obsession with a scent. _

Hyungwon couldn't help it anymore, the black-haired man had already gotten too close. It was only a matter of time until he would switch his life, turn everything upside down and leave, taking almost everything the people around him had to offer and forcing them into a new life, one in which they weren't themselves anymore. Only a tiny object or a picture would remain as a reminder of who they had been before, hidden away in a box in his basement.

_ But you can't do it to him, he won't let you. You won't be able to leave even if you want to.  _

His sharp fingernails dug into the lean muscles of his thigh, pain sudden but still not enough to break the connection he had to the sweet scent of the painter who had covered his body in cherry blossoms, not allowing him to let go since then. His eyes widened at the sudden realization, box with memories and scent in his nose establishing a path of action, the only possible path. 

_ You have to let him get close, to get attached, to like you. Only if he allows you to take it willingly, will you be able to leave.  _

_ You need him in order to keep your secret, there is no other way.  _

His breath hitched at the thought, unfamiliar sensation of fear spreading, a human emotion he rarely perceived. Hyungwon couldn't even remember the last time the feeling numbed his actions, muscles tensing and pain spreading in his temples.

_ They hurt you before, they'll do it again.  _

Hyungwon closed his eyes, focusing his attention on returning to his human form, eyes switching to their brown colour and strength reducing just like the bead that slipped further into his chest, warmth barely perceivable unless human energy was near. 

The decision was made and there was no reason to be scared. He had his method of action and the only problem was him, his possible reaction, his ability to contain his desire and his ability to remain distant. 

_ Don't be human, you're not.  _

Inhaling the sweet scent Hyungwon stood up, localizing the other man in a matter of seconds as his body moved into the designated direction without much thought. The scent moved quickly, indicating the the black-haired man must have been running, coming closer to his apartment judging by the direction. 

Deciding quickly Hyungwon ran to the familiar building, arriving at the wooden door with the name ‘Lee’ written among others and leaning against the cold surface, waiting for the doctor to appear and reduce the pressure in his chest.   
  
It must’ve been a minute or more until the sweet scent almost numbed his senses, the black-haired doctor stopping in front of the entrance, eyes focusing on him immediately.    
  
“It’s you.”

_ It’s instantly better, just because he appeared. _

“May I come in?” Hyungwon asked instead of confirming the comment. There was no need to, the other man recognized him even when he wasn’t waiting in front of his door.   
  
“Sure, let’s go.” Hoseok opened the door and ran up the stairs, breathing fast and pulse incredibly loud from the strain. “But I need to take a shower, you can look through my stuff then.” A bright grin materialized on the handsome face as they entered the apartment.

Hyungwon couldn’t help but return it with a smile of his own, remembering how relief had filled his body at the way the water covered most of the mesmerizing scent that stole most of his attention at all times.

“Sounds fine with me,” he remarked and stepped through the door as soon as the muscular man opened it, examining the books and objects on the shelves, curious about whether any items were added and if they were meaningful to the doctor. Most humans kept collections of small things that were filled with meaning for them but were absolutely meaningless to others, only enjoying their special status because of the attached emotions and memories.

The picture of his mother had appeared to be one such item, one of the few photographs in the apartment that was placed visibly on top of a dresser. It must have been meaningful.   
  
Hoseok disappeared in the bathroom, washing his body and hair judging by the sounds.

He used the time to explore further, examining the various decorative items that appeared arbitrary and quickly losing interest until he entered the bedroom, much more personal in character compared to the other rooms. His curiosity sparked immediately, long fingers quickly opening different shelves and drawers. In one of them he found a small notebook, filled with writing and small drawings, sometimes there were pictures attached but it was mostly writing.

_ A diary? _

It seemed even more personal than the picture of the black-haired man’s mother had been, place and size speaking for something rather secret. Hyungwon didn’t have the intention to read it although human privacy was meaningless to him, but he couldn’t help the wish to know if it was something that mattered to the other man.

_ Why? So you can keep it after his death? _

Ignoring the thought he walked to the hallway, putting it into the jacket he had thrown on top of the coat hanger nonchalantly, not bothering to take off his shoes as usual.

Suddenly the water flow stopped and the bathroom door opened after a minute. The other man came out wearing nothing but a white towel around his hips.

Hyungwon observed the pale body, drowned in unpleasant artificial scent, but nice to look at, muscles bulging visibly, stomach and shoulders pleasantly firm. His impression had been right, only confirming that the doctor’s appearance backed up his abundance of energy, blue light bright around the beautiful skin. He looked so different from Hyungwon’s slim and elegant self.

“You are very built,” he commented, eyeing the firm thighs with interest.   
  
“And you are rather slim, but tall. Any more adjectives?” Hoseok grinned and moved towards the big black wardrobe, opening one of the drawers and getting out underwear, a black shirt and shorts.

“Attractive I suppose, judging by the normal standards.” Inhaling and cringing a little he stepped closer, waiting for the sweetness to return, but in vain. “I don’t like the artificial scent you covered yourself with.”   
  
“Well maybe that’s the solution. I just have to pour perfume all over myself and then you’ll be fine.” The black-haired man watched him intently. “I remember you don’t give a fuck about nudity.” Untying the knot on the towel it fell down on the carpet while Hoseok pulled the black underwear up his legs and got dressed into the previously prepared clothes.

_ He still knows too much. It won’t solve anything. _

“It won’t help,” he muttered, watching the way the other man dressed, pale skin beautiful to look at and almost transparent, making him want to touch it and inhale its real scent, not whatever it was that Hoseok had covered himself with. “I want to touch your skin.”   
  
“Do it then, but not like the other three times. My body is tired of recovering so it heals really slowly.” The other man rubbed over the deep scars on the back of his left hand.

_ Just like you without energy, wounds are painful and difficult to fix. _

Watching the action Hyungwon stepped closer, careful to not make any harsh movements and possibly hurt the other man again with his carelessness. It was easy to underestimate his strength, especially when he was angry. The pale skin appeared vulnerable, easily bruised with as much as a light press of his nails. 

Kneeling down he decided to explore the most uncovered part, hand reaching out towards the muscular thighs and brushing his fingertips along the surface, smooth to the touch and a little cool compared to his own body temperature. Once there was no negative reaction he curled his whole hand around it, stroking down and breathing in the distinct natural scent of the other man, recognizable when he was close enough, sweet and familiar.   
  
“Everything about you is burning, it’s fascinating,” Hoseok whispered, muscles flexing against his fingers.

Hyungwon immediately moved his hand back, only fingertips touching the pale skin as he glanced up towards the dark brown eyes, worried that the human was more sensitive than he had expected.

“Does it burn? Am I hurting you again? I thought it’s only when I kiss you.”   
  
“It doesn’t hurt, it’s a pleasant burning, it feels nice. When I kiss you while you’re trying to get me to comply it feels like lava burns me up from the inside, pain spreading from my stomach out into my limbs and chest, neck and head. Your hands are not like that at all.” A smile followed as the doctor brushed a strand behind his ear in a slow movement.

_ It’s his protection. You won’t be able to force him through it, it’s physical. He won’t be able to take it unless he feels safe. _

Licking over his lips quickly Hyungwon curled his hand around the thigh again, brushing down along the knee and the slimmer calf until he moved back up, path disturbed by the fabric of the shorts. A little disappointed he closed his eyes and focused on the sensation, sliding his fingertips down again and applying a little more pressure. There was something pleasant to it, skin nice to the touch and scent adding to the sensation. Sucking in air he leaned forward until his nose brushed the smooth surface, sweetness surrounding him completely through the proximity.  
  
“What are you thinking about?” the low voice asked from above, fingers raking through his hair.

Hyungwon’s eyes opened, only now realizing that the other man had been touching his hair, too distracted with the feeling of smooth skin and the familiar scent.

“Nothing special,” he commented, glancing up and scanning the expression on the pretty human’s face. “Just enjoying the way you smell and the way your skin feels.”   
  
“Amazing, if you continue a little bit longer I’ll get hard so please consider my humble feelings.” A grin spread the pale cheeks and Hoseok’s cool hand moved away from his hair.

Hyungwon couldn’t help his surprise at the comment, unaware as to how exactly a simple action as fingers on a thigh were supposed to evoke the desire for sexual gratification. There had to be tension, possibly something forbidden to the touch or a direct stimulation of pleasing spots. Something as simple as stroking along a thigh shouldn’t have brought about an effect.

“This affects you?” he asked and brushed over the upper thigh, stroking along the black fabric of the other man’s underwear until the hip bone and moving back down. “Isn’t it too detached? I’m not even touching you where it is supposed to feel good and there is no tension either apart from your scent.”   
  
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to give me a private sex ed lesson while sitting between my legs and stroking my thigh. Yes it affects me, do you think you have to touch my dick for me to be affected? Isn’t it on the ‘animals mating’ level?” Hyungwon could see how the pale skin blushed around Hoseok’s neck.

_ What? _

A sudden burst of anger forced him to suck air into his lungs harshly, fingers tightening for a split second before he let go of the thigh, luckily leaving it unbruised and burying his fingers in his palm instead.

_ You’re supposed to act human, Hyungwon. _

“Depends on what gets you going,” he remarked, keeping it as vague as possible and standing up, artificial smell filling his nose instead of sweetness again and forcing a frown on his face. If the other man hadn’t reacted with sexual arousal he could have remained there, perfectly peaceful. 

The human stretched out his arm, curling it around his waist and pulling him against the muscular body, face disappearing in the crook of his neck.    
  
“I liked the way your fingers felt against my skin.”

Hyungwon froze, not expecting the sudden touch and keeping still, sweetness returning through the direct contact to the pale skin.

“Me too,” he replied and closed his eyes, bead burning slightly at the proximity without taking the other man’s energy, but it was easier to be close when he had no intention of feeding. He didn’t need the intention to feed to get a taste of what he was missing. Hoseok was giving away his life force freely, bead absorbing the small amounts greedily although it wasn’t nearly enough. Licking over his lips Hyungwon lifted his arms, curling them around the muscular body. He felt a little out of place without the usual intention to absorb the blue light that surrounded him, close enough to breathe it in, but unable to do so.

_ He’s not uncomfortable at all. _ __  
__  
He felt how Hoseok’s lips placed kisses along his neck, touch soft and affectionate, each caress accompanied by energy.

_ He’s giving it just like that, through affection. _

It felt a little overwhelming to receive little sparks of strength without needing to pull it out forcefully, bead remaining firmly placed in his chest but warming up at each kiss that was directed towards him, touch unfamiliar.

Hyungwon could feel how his breathing pattern increased, strange considering that there was no physical strain and no anger to control, body merely accepting free energy and drowning in the scent. He wanted more of it, eyes closing at the sweetness of each little spark.

_ He still won’t let you kiss him, will he? It won’t help you disappear even if he gives it like that. _

“What are you doing?” he asked quietly, voice so much unlike himself that his eyes opened, glancing down at the muscular body in his arms, surrounded by bright blue.   
  
“I like how you smell like the woods and wanted to kiss you but I don’t want to burn down, so I kissed your neck instead, although right now you’re not trying which is nice.” Hoseok leaned back and caught his gaze before leaning back in and licking over Hyungwon’s plump lips with his pink tongue. Hyungwon forced himself to remain calm in response, bead responding but not preparing to absorb energy, merely warming up further at the possibility. There was no way that he could influence the other man to accept the transfer without the protection mechanism kicking in.

Closing his eyes he allowed Hoseok to do as he wished instead, concentrating on the addictive scent and the pleasant touch of the soft tongue. It was cool, it always was, but he had never really kissed a human without the intention of taking their energy.

_ It’s different. Calm. _ __  
__  
Hoseok must’ve felt that he wasn’t trying, immediately melting into the kiss and moving his curved lips along Hyungwon’s full ones, parting them.

_ He always knows if you want to take it. _

For a short second Hyungwon prepared for the transfer, used to the way it felt, how the bead warmed up and rose in his chest, passing into his victim’s mouth like fog, but nothing happened. There was no feeling of weakness or loss of power as the bead remained inside of him and merely absorbed the energy that Hoseok gave willingly, another spark filling him out when the tongue licked inside his mouth.

_ There is nothing you can do like that. It’s about the intention. _   
  
Increasing the strength in his grip around Hoseok’s shoulders Hyungwon breathed in while licking inside the other man’s mouth in return, contact independent of the energy that he received continuously. The sensation was absolutely unfamiliar but pleasant, spreading a different kind of warmth along his legs, one he hadn’t felt before. The black-haired man exhaled into his mouth, arms curling tighter around his waist, bodies melting together through the fabric and mouth exploring along with the wet tongue.

_ Is this what receiving affection is about? _

The burning along his legs only increased with the grip of the muscular arm around his body, keeping him close with strength that Hoseok hadn’t showed before. It felt strange to be so intimate with a human without a sudden interruption, one in which the body sunk to the ground, unconscious. There was no natural stop point, nothing for Hyungwon to predict and it made him a little uncomfortable, hands pressing against the broad shoulders to stop.   
  
Hoseok leaned back and loosened the grip, searching for something in his eyes.   
  
“Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

_ This. This is wrong. _

Hyungwon shook his head, licking over his lips quickly, taste of the other man remaining on them as he examined the blue aura in front of him, a little reduced but not significantly. Hoseok was still perfectly fine despite deliberately covering Hyungwon with bits of his life source.

“I’m just not used to this,” he explained eventually, remembering the previous expressions of affection he had encountered, letters filled with words of love, presents and soft touches to his arms or hands. There had been nothing that resembled the kiss they had just shared.

_ You would have eaten him by now had there not been the protection. You absorbed the energy of everyone else that came close enough. _

“It's fine, you don't need to do it if you don't like it. It's interesting because your breathing changed although it never does, you fascinate me.” The words were spoken quietly as the other man seemed to hold back from touching him.

_ He shouldn’t hold back. He should be getting closer. _

“It’s okay, it’s-” Hyungwon stopped talking, thinking about the right word that didn’t put too much meaning into the action but was positive nevertheless, keeping the black-haired man close and affectionate. “It’s nice. There is just warmth spreading along my legs and that’s a little weird. It’s not worth being concerned about.”

“I'm not concerned, I just want you to feel comfortable and you didn't look like it so I'm also fine not touching and kissing you. Are you hungry?” Changing the topic Hoseok moved away from him, picking up the towel and walking towards the bathroom to put it back.

It was impossible not to laugh at the question so Hyungwon didn’t hold back, curling his arms around his waist from the intensity with which the question amused him. He was next to a human, being kissed although he should have been initiating a transfer, taking what he needed and leaving.

_ This is simply crazy. You act like a human, kissing and giggling in an apartment filled with meaningless objects and memories that aren’t even yours. _

“No I’m fine,” he answered when he had finally calmed down, scanning Hoseok’s expressions and bodily reactions carefully. There was still a little bit of blush on the previously pale neck, even brighter now that Hyungwon paid attention. “But feel free to eat if you need it. You lost a bit of strength.”

“Worth it,” Hoseok commented and smiled. “I'll eat later, when you leave. Do you like reading? Who’s your favourite author?”

_ The loss of energy was worth it? _

The comment was confusing so Hyungwon ignored it, focusing on the rather personal question instead.

“I think I mentioned before that I like that your books are from various epochs. The same goes for my favourite authors, I have one for each particular period of time, according to the periods that I read them. For each time a different author might be fitting to represent the current situation and time. The ones that transcend the passing of time tend to be my favourites.” Remembering that humans loved to talk about themselves Hyungwon smiled and sat down on the bed, a little dissatisfied by the distance but accepting the circumstances. “How about you?”

“I like books that make me think and rethink. The epoch doesn't matter.” The muscular man disappeared in the bathroom before coming back with a white towel, rubbing it over the wet, black hair. “How long have you had the increased heart beat and body temperature?” 

_ Again a topic change? Is he trying to figure out your body? _

“Long enough,” Hyungwon replied, preferring a vague answer over a definite time. ‘Forever’ and ‘eternity’ sounded a little too extreme to confront a human with. He had to keep the information he shared to a minimum, Hoseok already knew too much. 

The brown eyes narrowed and the handsome figure stepped closer, studying his facial expressions.

“How old are you, Hyungwon? And don't tell me you're old enough.”

“Why is that relevant?” It was bad planning that he was sitting on the bed and had no possibility of moving away smoothly, scent only strengthening the more time passed. Artificial smells never stayed for long. 

Instead of moving he placed his hands on the soft mattress and curled his fingers into the fabric, holding his breath to reduce the sweetness in his lungs. 

“Because depending on age a physical condition can be more or less common and require more or less treatment.” Hoseok leaned down exhaling against his mouth.

_ That's why you never get close to doctors, avoiding them like humans avoid the black death. _

Hyungwon continued to hold his breath, warmth reacting in his chest but remaining in place without the intention to take the other man's life force. 

“Can't you tell from my face?”

“No. I can't tell anything, you're different from everything that I know. You fascinate me.” They were so close that every single time the other man breathed, the air hit his skin.

The time he didn't breathe kept extending, worry at being overwhelmed at the scent only increasing the longer he kept it away from himself.

_ Lure him, he'll stop asking.  _

The thought was immediate, bringing slight relief as Hyungwon focused his energy on beckoning the other man closer, feeling how the invested energy drained out of him slowly.

Something changed in Hoseok's eyes, hands grabbing the edge of the bed and pinning his body in between the muscular arms, straight teeth sinking into the beautifully curved lips.

“Stop playing and tell me why you can hold your breath for almost three minutes, Hyungwon,” Hoseok hissed against his mouth with a painful expression on his face.

_ He's fighting to stay close, just to reveal more about you. You keep showing him things he shouldn't see. _

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the sight, discomfort spreading through him at the energy that continuously seeped away from the aura, absorbed by the air and only partially by him, the source of the pain. 

_ Stop, you're hurting him pointlessly. _

Hyungwon did, bead moving back down but keeping its warmth just like before. He lifted his hands up and used them to push the other man away, strong enough to have space but not enough to hurt the black-haired man even more. 

“I can't. It's none of your business, Hoseok,” he muttered and blindly moved out of the bedroom, attempting to find the exit and leave, give himself time to think and the other man time to forget about what he saw. 

_ He won't forget. They never forget the supernatural unless they believe it to be a dream.  _

Hoseok sprinted after him, cool fingers immediately curling around his wrist and pulling him back.

“Don't run away from me, you're the one who wanted to be close.”

Hyungwon felt the anger return, heating up his body even more and forcing his hands to curl into fists, preventing the possibility that the other man saw what effect it had if he lost control of his human form.

Inhaling slowly Hyungwon turned around, removing his wrist from the tight grip.

_ Humans never know what's good for them, running right into their own death without knowing. _

“You have no idea what you are getting yourself into by knowing too much. Have you never heard of ignorance being bliss? Can't you just act accordingly?” he exclaimed, feeling how his pupils adjusted due to the returning proximity, the scent numbing but less pressuring than when it was far away.

Cool skin brushed along his sides as Hoseok curled both arms around him, the other man's dark brown eyes focused on his face.

“I don't want to be blissfully ignorant. I won't leave you alone, Hyungwon.” The energy flow increased, as if the other man was giving it up willingly, just to make him stay.

He swallowed, overwhelmed by the action, amount sufficient to tire the black-haired man out if he kept it up for long enough.

_ He's not releasing it, he's giving it to you, just like that. _

“You're crazy,” Hyungwon muttered, unsure what to do with himself as the other man hugged him and continuously gave him his life force. He felt how his bead absorbed it willingly, remaining in place. “Why do humans never know what's good for them?”

“I know what's good for me, you just don't understand the value and investment and why it seems worthy to me, but you don't have to.” Hoseok’s cool lips whispered against the warm skin of his neck.

Hyungwon lifted his arms, curling them around the man, hugging him desperately, accepting the energy but feeling strange while doing so. 

_ Why would anybody give their life force willingly? Without anger? _

“You know nothing about me, Hoseok and I'm convinced that it's better this way. You'll just get hurt,” he whispered into the other's black hair, scent a little artificial but not enough to hide the natural sweetness that lay below. 

_ They always get hurt when they get attached, emotionally invested while you take their memories and leave. _

_ You always do. _

“Getting hurt? I don't care about that. I'm not scared of death either. You also know nothing about me.” The human sucked in a breath, burying his head in the crook of Hyungwon's neck.

_ He's not scared of death? Bullshit. _

“You like my scent?” he asked instead, wondering why Hoseok enjoyed the scent of somebody who was able to kill him. The doctor made no sense, acting opposed to instincts and rejecting contact when it was forced. All the behaviours were the exact opposite of what they were supposed to be, like something was broken in the wiring.

“Yes, it reminds me of taking a walk in pine woods. I'd breathe it every day instead of air if I could. I mean- you like my scent too so it's nothing strange.” One of Hoseok's hands travelled along his back, drawing his spine with small movements of the cool fingertips.

_ It is, it's strange. _

Hyungwon sighed, allowing Hoseok to caress his back and wondering if anybody had ever told him what he smelled like. It had never been relevant before, other people's mouths rather preoccupied with taking in his bead instead of talking to him. Hoseok enjoying his body scent made absolutely no sense, there had to be something unpleasant to it, something that kept him away just like the inherent protection whenever Hyungwon beckoned him. 

_ He is protected from your powers but wants to be close to you otherwise. It's crazy. _

“You'd die without air, Hoseok. You might say that you feel this way now but once the situation changes and your life is threatened you won't give a single shit about anything else anymore and will try to survive,” he said, applying a little more strength to the way he held the cool body, pleasant against his hot skin. “It's human nature.”

“I'm good at surviving and I love living, but I will die and I don't know when or how. I'll accept it when it comes. I fought to stay alive for long enough, against my own body, so I know what it feels like. I don't know if you understand but it's like living and enjoying every single second to the fullest, while knowing exactly and definitely that it'll stop. I'm prepared.” The other man smiled against his neck before leaning back and focusing on his eyes.

_ Has he been ill before? Something terminal? _

Hyungwon examined the delicate features on the other man's face, brown eyes, pale skin, curved mouth. Hoseok’s face wasn't completely round but had something soft to it, lines smooth and jaw attractive. It felt unusual to imagine someone like that fighting with death although Hyungwon had seen it in children before. The black-haired man just didn't seem like somebody who had experienced something horrible. Humans only rarely possessed the ability to comprehend that their life would end and when they did they showed more greed, more desire to extend it, to fulfil it with meaningless material objects. 

_ He's too sacrificial. _

“I don't think I understand, Hoseok. Time is meaningless to me.”

“It's important because I know that I will fade and it'll flow without me. Which is why I don't want you to run away from me.” A serious expression materialized on the doctor's face while his cool fingers rested on Hyungwon's waist.

“You feel like you would waste time? Because you want to be around me?” Hyungwon couldn't really believe that Hoseok would feel this way. He already had difficulties interpreting the other man's behavior, his relationship to time only made it more difficult. 

_ He probably won't give up. _

“I wouldn't call it waste, I just want you. I want to fill my time with you. The time that I have.” Hoseok closed the distance, soft lips touching his mouth all of a sudden.

It was pleasant, a soft feeling of cool skin against his, scent filling out his senses and reminding him of the sweetness that was impossibly close but not his to have, unless it was given willingly. 

Hyungwon lifted his hand and stroked along the black hair, intending on using it to pull the other man away but deciding against it, silk-like strands feeling incredible between his fingers. Hoseok's tongue parted his lips, licking inside his mouth and a soft low moan disappeared somewhere between their lips.

It was easy to tell how the body in his arms responded, heartbeat accelerating and difference in temperature diminishing slowly as the skin heated up. 

_ He must like it. _

The thought was a little disconcerting. The realization that the other man enjoyed the proximity stood in absolute opposition to Hyungwon's previous experiences. Humans died because of coming close to him, giving him their energy without wanting to. They weren't meant to enjoy the contact. 

Pulling at the black strands more forcefully he parted their lips, staring at the other man's face. There was red colour on the usually pale cheeks, blood flow increasing and changing Hoseok’s appearance. The curved lips were also redder and the pupils a tiny bit dilated, more black filling out the eyes than before.

_ He needs to know. Liking you will only make him lose. _

“I'm like a black hole, Hoseok, no matter what you invest or give to me, be it time, strength or affection.” Hyungwon paused, reaching out and lifting the pretty face with his index finger, watching the expression carefully. “Nothing will return to you.”

_ It never does. _  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 17th of June at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)
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> Let us know what you think! We're pretty excited about trying out something new and your opinion on it :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There seems to be a good reason as to why I don't trust you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
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>   
>   
> 

There was nothing like an action without reaction in the world Hoseok was living in. Nothing like an investment without return, or a black hole that just ate up resources without giving back. 

Lying on top of his sheets, exhausted and worn out, he thought about the way Hyungwon had reacted to the kiss, fingers tightening in his hair and slim body melting into his own, hot skin burning a little against the touch of his hands.

_ Worth it. You want to do it again, throwing your resources at him, however that might work. _

Hoseok didn't know what they were, how they were going to act next time and more importantly how their crooked dynamics were supposed to work.

_ It's not the making out he wants. He wants to burn you down for some reason. _

Hoseok didn't like things that were trying to drain his resources out of nowhere, body fighting with enormous strength against anything and anybody that wanted to hurt him.

Hyungwon fascinated him, it wasn't even about the condition anymore, extraordinary olfactory sense, oversensitivity towards some kind of energy flow, mental control and display of unnatural strength only adding up to the picture that there must've been more to the pink-haired model than one could see without leaning closer.

_ He's not someone you have a category for. _

Hoseok was stubborn, but more than being stubborn, he was curious. And he wanted to be able to help, using his skills to improve someone else's life.

_ But you can't help if you don't know his condition. _

Jumping up from the bed, Hoseok went to the sink, studying his more than pale face after the rather draining encounter with whoever Hyungwon was. Suddenly his gaze focused on the black shirt he was wearing, a few light hairs sticking to the fabric, obviously not his own judging by the colour. 

_ It's his.  _

Examining one of the hairs he looked at the pink colour, seeing a rather big follicle sticking to the end.

_ Science, Hoseok.  _

Running to his medicine cupboard he roamed through it, finding a packed petri dish he still had as sample and put the hair inside, careful not to damage the most important part, before collecting the rest of the hair and closing the dish right after.

He pulled out his phone and searched for a minute before finding the relevant contact and pressing the call sign.

“Hey, it's Hoseok. I need a DNA extraction from a hair follicle. It's about a patient with a possible mutation, but he can't go to the hospital. I'll bring it over.” His friend from the genetics lab started ranting about the German bureaucracy and how fucking hard it was to extract anything from a single hair before agreeing and he hung up after listening till the end.

_ Maybe the DNA can tell you a more elaborate story than him. _

Most definitely.

_  
  


A couple of days passed without anything special happening, he worked, he performed surgeries, saved people, jogged and lifted weights, watched a couple of movies alone at home and drank with Changkyun on Thursday.

_ You can't stop thinking about him, can you? _

His mind kept recalling their meetings, trying to make sense of the things that had happened and why he had started wanting to be close.

_ It's definitely not the way he tries to make you come closer. _

It was evening and he had just come home, showered quickly and pulled black sweatpants over his legs. He felt at ease and grabbed a book out of the brown shelf. He intended on reading until he fell asleep, forcing a different world inside his head to numb the continuous torture that was Hyungwon occupying his thoughts.

The sudden sound of his bell ripped him from his thoughts, breaking the calm that he had established before, sound echoing off the walls.

_ Who the fuck is that? _

He pushed the key button and opened his apartment door, glancing down until he saw the familiar pink hair closing the distance unusually fast without bothering to turn on the lights.

_ Who else would it be. _

Hoseok couldn't see much apart from the bright hair but it was easy to tell how the speed almost disappeared completely as the other man reached the last staircase, jogging up slowly as if he had been doing so the whole time. As soon as Hyungwon reached the door he grinned and made his way past Hoseok, not even waiting for an invitation. 

“Nice pants,” the model commented and walked all the way through, sounds hinting at him getting a glass out of a drawer in the kitchen.

_ Yes, that's everything you're wearing, what the fuck? _

Hoseok followed the tall man and leaned against the doorframe, surface a little cold against the naked skin of his arm.

“I'm amazed at this progress, so now we're at the point where you're casually dropping by my apartment in the evening?” 

The pink head turned towards him as Hyungwon appeared surprised, eyebrow rising and eyes scanning the kitchen walls quickly before they settled on Hoseok’s eyes instead. 

“Is it that late? I thought it would still be fine to visit as you seem to be someone who sleeps late. Especially when you take emergency shifts.” Taking the glass of water that he had prepared the other man emptied it at once, placing the empty container on the counter. “I was just thirsty and didn't want to wait until you tell me to come in.”

“Did you come to drink water?” His eyes widened before narrowing again. “How did you know that I was home?”

The other man chuckled before shaking his head. 

“I came to be close obviously, it's nicer this way. Furthermore there was light so you had to be home unless you forgot to turn it off,” the pink-haired man replied and pulled his slim body on top of the counter, legs spreading naturally to accommodate. “Are you uncomfortable with something? Your body language seems off.”

“Uhm I was trying not to think about you but then you just appear here with your pink head and those fox eyes staring into my soul. So it wasn't very effective as you can see.” Hoseok left the kitchen after deciding that he didn't want to have that conversation while standing half naked in the hallway and threw a white shirt over his upper body, immediately returning to the beautiful man who was still sitting on his kitchen counter.

“So you also feel uncomfortable about your nakedness?” Hyungwon asked nonchalantly before his eyes narrowed suddenly and the familiar intensity returned to the almost orange- brown eyes. “Why fox eyes?”

“No I don't, I'll take it off if you take off yours.” He grinned and sat down on one of the chairs. “Because of the pupils and the colour. Looks pretty.”

“Thank you.” Hyungwon seemed a little confused by the remark. “But how is my shirt relevant?” the pink-haired man asked and easily grabbed the seam of the simple black t-shirt he was wearing and pulled the fabric over his head, revealing the lean, golden chest and arms. “I don't care about things like that.”

_ Fuck, he's gorgeous. _

Hoseok hissed and stood up before getting rid of the shirt he had put on a minute ago. Stepping closer he positioned himself between the spread legs, both hands curling around the edge of the counter and leaning into Hyungwon's personal space, naked skin almost touching.

“But I care about things like that.”

The beautiful man drew a sharp breath, pupils widening immediately at the the proximity. A pink tongue licked over the plump lips slowly, brown eyes not leaving his for even a second. 

“So for you the amount of clothing always needs to be equal?” Hyungwon asked with a grin, arms resting next to his hips. “Sounds like a pointless rule to me.”

“Bullshit. I just want to see and touch your naked skin, which worked out perfectly.” Hoseok couldn't look away from the intense gaze, the other man was beyond beautiful.

Something changed in the captivating eyes as the pink-haired man leaned closer, exhaling against his lips, one corner lifted in a smirk. 

“Interesting how you suddenly have the wish to be close to me and act accordingly when there is no danger. As if your body is made to survive, fascinating,” his full lips whispered before the other man leaned back and sighed. “Why do you want to see it? You've seen it before, covered in cherry blossoms and you didn't seem too interested back then. At least not enough to kiss me.”

Hoseok leaned back and started laughing at the words. 

“You forced it, Hyungwon. And I didn't care about you back then, only about your health. And now I care about both, isn't it interesting?” he asked, tilting his head.

“My health is perfectly fine, Hoseok, when will you stop playing ‘the doctor’ with me.” Hyungwon tilted his head, resting against a drawer and uncovering the golden skin of his neck, beautiful to look at. His lean thighs spread a little more to accommodate Hoseok’s hips better. It was visible how his chest rose as the beautiful man inhaled deeply. “Your scent is intoxicating.”

“I'd love to play doctor with you but you don't let me.” Hoseok grinned and let his hand travel over the hot, golden skin, hissing at the unusual feeling under his fingertips. “You're intoxicating, and exhausting. I felt like running a marathon after you left a week ago. But shit, I want to do it again,” he whispered while closing his eyes.

The mesmerizing man lifted his head again, observing him carefully as if he could see something that Hoseok didn't, eyes focusing a little above his head and moving over his features like he examined the contour. 

“But you recovered after a day, didn't you?” he asked carefully and removed his hand from the counter, placing it on Hoseok’s shoulder instead, touch impossibly hot against his skin. “Aren't you being sacrificial with me? Allowing me to take everything you give so willingly without giving you anything in return? I think I would feel more at ease if I took it forcefully, but here you are, covering me with it all on your own and making my body react.”

_ He's talking about some kind of resources, isn't he? _

“I did, it took me about ten hours I think. I'm not sacrificial, not at all. You're naive to think that I don't get anything from you, I do. Maybe it's just something you wouldn't consider desirable.” He leaned in and placed a kiss on the prominent jugular, feeling the fast pulse hammering against his lips.

“And what is it that you get?” the full lips asked, voice low as the long fingers tightened in his shoulder, not enough to hurt but sufficiently strong to separate the sensation.

“Do you prefer the romantic or the biological explanation?” Hoseok ignored the grip and sucked on a hot piece of golden skin behind Hyungwon's ear.

There was a change in breathing pattern as the beautiful man paused for a few seconds before resuming, heartbeat even faster than it usually was. 

“I have no interest in romance,” Hyungwon whispered back as his hand moved further along Hoseok’s neck, stopping at the fine hair at his nape before his long fingers intertwined with Hoseok’s black strands.

“I thought so. Being close to you, touching you and letting you touch me gives me pleasure, endorphins.  You're fascinating so it occupies my head, giving me new feelings and experiences, the way you're different excites me. Enough? Although the are also other things which I won't tell you about.” He smiled against the other's hot ear, skin basically burning under his lips. Hoseok breathed in the pleasant scent, exhaling it softly before repeating the action.

The slim body tensed in his arms as Hyungwon used his grip on Hoseok’s hair to pull him back, light brown eyes meeting his. 

“You mean there is even more than everything you have already mentioned? This is crazy, Hoseok. You should be scared and avoid me unless I lure you in. Do you have no sense of preservation apart from the physical pain you feel?” There was something emotional to the way the pink-haired man uttered the words, faster than usual and supporting them by harsher pulls at Hoseok’s hair that his long fingers still held onto. “You really feel pleasure with me just like this? That's a first for me.”

_ He's used to others being scared and in pain. _

“Fear is pointless. I'm not scared of you, grow yourself some vampire teeth and watch how I won't give a fuck. I told you that my sense of preservation has nothing to do with it. You won't get anything if you try to manipulate me. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure that that's exactly what you want. But then again-," he didn't finish the sentence and leaned in again, ignoring the sharp pain in his scalp and licked over the plump lips. 

_ What's hair anyway? Pointless. _

The grip loosened almost immediately as if the other man had realized that he felt pain, head tilting in invitation and lips parting. There was nothing uncomfortable about the action, unlike the time in the park that had forced Hoseok to break the touch and run.

“But it's so easy to say one thing but do something absolutely different once the situation comes along, Hoseok,” the pink-haired man muttered against his mouth, allowing the touch but not deepening it either. “I'm not sure how to act. I have received affection before, but it has never been like this.”

“I could say the same about myself, it's hilarious. You don't trust me, which is fine, you don't have to, I can't force you to, I told you I'm stubborn and I will continue to be, so be careful,” Hoseok whispered against the plump mouth, parting the addicting lips again and letting a hand travel along the naked back, smooth and burning like lava.

There was a short moment in which the beautiful man didn't react, keeping still as Hoseok licked into his mouth. But as soon as those seconds passed the lean arms curled properly around his neck and pulled him closer, increasing body contact. It was almost like drowning in heat, sudden and a little overwhelming. 

“The one who should be careful is you, Hoseok,” the red lips murmured against his as something changed in the light brown eyes, pupils dilating further and blunt nails moving along the pale skin of his shoulders. “You shouldn't trust me either.”

“I don't. But I still want you,” Hoseok gasped, feeling how Hyungwon's heart rate increased further.

The model pushed his shoulders back suddenly, building up sufficient space between them to allow his light brown eyes to focus on Hoseok’s. Long fingers remained on his naked skin as the pink-haired man leaned forward and tilted his  pink head to the side, surprise evident on the features in addition to curiosity. 

“I want you too, but differently,” Hyungwon said and exhaled against his mouth, eyes closing suddenly as the beautiful man drew a deep breath. “You keep giving it to me in bits and pieces and it feels like you are teasing me, unaware of how I react to it.”

Lean thighs narrowed around his hips suddenly, strength unusual as Hyungwon took his index finger and thumb and used them to lift Hoseok’s chin, eating him up with his eyes.

“How do you want me, Hoseok?”

He wanted to answer but his emergency mobile phone rang and he buried his fingers into the tensed muscles of Hyungwon's thighs, attention immediately shifting to the call.

“I have to take this,” he said in a low, serious voice, using strength to free himself and running over to the bedroom to pick it up hastily.

“Uhm, I actually thought it was a joke but I knew you wouldn't just waste resources like this, where the fuck did you find this hair?” 

Hoseok thought about what to say, knowing that the other man had been in the room next to him.

_ You don't know whether his auditory capabilities are like his olfactory ones.  _

“Just tell me what you got, I'll explain later.” 

There was absolutely no sound as Hyungwon appeared in his bedroom, staring at him intently and leaning against the door frame. His slim body consistently moved like it was weightless, steps silent and motions smooth, attractive even. Somehow it was like the other man just waited for him to speak, lips pursed and eyes big.

“First of all, it's not a human DNA. I have no clue what the fuck it is, might be an animal, but it's definitely not human so I have no idea what you want with it. Second, the pink, it's not dyed, the colour is deep in the root, it's real. Is it some kind of pink cat or dog or wolf or something? You must've made a mistake although I can't imagine how. Come over tomorrow, I'll show you, it's mental. The bases are all messed up.” His friend chuckled and hung up while Hoseok kept staring at his pink-haired guest.

_ Not human. There's no human DNA inside his hair. _

It didn't make sense, none at all. Throwing his phone onto the bed he closed the distance, watching how the elongated pupils dilated as soon as he was in the other man's proximity.

“There seems to be a good reason as to why I don't trust you,” Hyungwon said suddenly, voice absolutely neutral and unlike himself. The other's large eyes narrowed despite the reaction of the pupils and the pink-haired man pushed himself off the door frame, like he was preparing himself to move any second. “That's obviously bullshit.”

“And there's a reason why I don't trust you.” Hoseok smiled and kept a little bit of distance without touching the other man.

_ Why aren't you scared? _

He didn't know, he somehow seemed to be more scared of Hyungwon leaving than of the hypothesis that the other didn't have human DNA.

“Are you going to run away now? Don't, there's no point.”

“Why would I run away?” the other man asked back, tension of his lean muscles disappearing. It was obvious that he had changed his mind at Hoseok’s words, deciding to stay although the intention to disappear had been there first. “I’m just wondering why you would go as far as getting my hair checked. What would the information have given you? There is no way that I’m not human, that’s bullshit.” A grin spread the plump lips as Hyungwon brushed a large hand through his hair, strands falling right back onto his forehead, colour resembling that of cherry blossoms, just like his eyelashes and eyebrows.

_ Sure, he heard every fucking word although you made sure that the volume was as low as possible.  _

“Honestly? I really wanted to know whether you had a mutation with that heartrate and body temperature, making sure you weren't dying in front of my eyes.” Hoseok brushed his hair back, staring at the ceiling for a couple of seconds.

“I told you I’m not dying, sure- you don’t trust me, but why would I be lying about a condition?” Hyungwon rolled his eyes, rolling his wrist right after, almost silent crack sounding from the motion.

“I have no idea, Hyungwon. I just don't believe a word you say, which is fine as you don't seem to want my trust either, am I right?” He bit into his lower lip and turned around, walking towards the bed and letting himself fall on the sheets.

“I-,” the other man began, but stopped immediately, as if he was unsure what he wanted to answer, always impossibly concerned about the words that left his lips. Instead of continuing the slim figure crossed the distance to the bed, watching Hoseok intently as the beautiful man sat down at the edge, sucking in air through his nose. “I don’t know. It’s not like I hate this, I don’t. I just don’t see where this is going and am pretty convinced that it’s a bad idea for someone like you.”   
  
_ Is he concerned about you? No, right? _

Hyungwon stretched out his right hand, hot fingertips brushing over the naked skin of his upper arm, travelling down to his wrist before moving back. The touch was light, barely there as the other's eyes remained on his.

“Don’t stop giving, it calms down the yearning,” the low voice whispered hesitantly.   
  
Hoseok curled his fingers around the thin wrist and pulled the pink-haired man on top of himself, weight impossibly light for the insane amount of strength the other seemed to possess. There was immediate resistance for a few seconds, like a reflex with the pupils re-adjusting further until the model just let go, climbing on top of the bed properly with one arm placed next to Hoseok’s face to keep a bit more distance between them.   
  
“Come here then,” Hoseok whispered against the red mouth and felt a little strange lying under the tall man, light brown eyes piercing his soul.

Again there was hesitation, like Hyungwon didn’t really know what Hoseok wanted him to do.

“I doubt that we are thinking the same thing,” the low voice whispered, still staying in place and staring at him, pupils broadening even more at the words, like the pink-haired man had thought something which evoked the switch, something that resembled the proximity to Hoseok’s body. “What do you want me to do, Hoseok?”   
  
_ You’re not. There’s no way that you’re thinking the same thing. _ __  
__  
“Kiss me,” he whispered. “But without that sneaky shit you’re trying to pull normally.”

It was fascinating how the large eyes widened at the words, something changing in the left eye, immediately catching Hoseok’s attention until it disappeared. It was difficult to tell what it was, as if the brown colour disintegrated, only to return to its light orange reflection. The request must have had an impact, immediately turned around as soon as the typical course of action that the pink-haired man used was denied.

“I’m not sure I can,” the beautiful man whispered as perfectly white, straight teeth settled on the full lower lip. Hyungwon bent his left arm, slowly lowering himself, closing the distance between them, hot breaths tickling Hoseok’s cheeks. “But I’ll try.” 

Just when their lips were about to touch the man above him held his breath, air remaining in his lungs as the hot mouth covered his own, light brown eyes remaining focused on his, wide open until they closed slowly.    
  
It was mind blowing, slight burn at his lips, pleasant and spreading, seeping through his lungs and warming up his chest in a pleasant way. He couldn’t help curling his arms around Hyungwon’s thin waist, roaming over the naked back and sides, wanting to give the warmth to the man hovering over him.

He could feel how the plump lips spread in a smile, still remaining on his as Hyungwon used his right hand to brush black hair away from Hoseok’s forehead. Holding onto the soft strands with his fingers the other turned his head and parted his curved lips, hot tongue licking inside his mouth and over his tongue before the heat disappeared altogether.

“Like this?” the breathtaking man whispered against his skin, looking at him intently, brown colour of the left eye a little different from the other, even lighter somehow.   
  
_ You’re playing with fire, Hoseok. But it’s totally worth it. _ __  
__  
He hummed, licking over his lips and already missing the contact. His palms lay flat on the slim back, burning from the contact, but it felt so good. Pulling the thin body into a tight hug he felt the warm mouth inhaling somewhere next to his neck.   
  
“Why did you hold your breath?”

A small spot below his ear heated up, touched by the other's hot lips as Hyungwon hummed, inhaling deeply.

“Because your scent is overwhelming. I needed to make sure to do as you wished and not lure you in, it’s difficult,” the pink-haired man finally answered, voice objectively quiet but loud as his lips were tracing the form of Hoseok’s ear, tongue licking over his earlobe. “You taste good too.”   
  
“Mhm, so do you. It felt amazing, like heating up from the inside, but not burning, warmth spreading everywhere and transcending through my body? Like body heat? Ah I don’t know about physical reactions like this.” He chuckled, stroking over the hot skin, loving the way it felt.

_ You don't know about bodily reactions that result from your infractions with him. _

“It’s because you feel some of my- strength, let’s call it strength. You’re very close, closer than usual,” the low voice continued, smile traceable against the skin of his neck as the plump lips travelled further, licking along his neck and over his jugular, dipping into the hollow at his collar bone. “It’s warm and takes away exhaustion, doesn’t it?”   
  
It did, but he wanted to give back.   
  
_ Kiss him, give him something too. _ __  
__  
It seemed like some kind of resource circulation. His chest felt incredibly warm and he leaned closer to the other man’s small ear, whispering into it after remembering the warning.   
  
“I’m going to turn around, such that you lie on your back, okay?”

The pink head immediately rose from his neck, staring at him and eyes narrowing a little, appearing so much brighter in their brown hue, almost as if they were shining.

“Why?” the handsome man asked and inhaled deeply, pupils shifting at the intake of air.   
  
“Because I want to kiss you properly without breaking my neck.” Hoseok smiled, hand still drawing the outlines of Hyungwon’s beautifully curved spine. The sudden hostility reduced a little as the other man merely nodded, watching him carefully.   
  
Hoseok curled his right arm around the other man’s waist, rolling to the side and settling his knees on each side of Hyungwon’s hips before leaning down slowly while propping himself up on his underarm. The golden skin and the light brown eyes were almost shining in the dimmed lighting, Hyungwon's pupils dilating and adjusting while the distance got smaller until he closed his eyes, finding the plump lips blindly and licking into the addictive mouth, feeling the variation between the initiation of a kiss. It felt different when he kissed Hyungwon, chest slightly burning but still bearable, whereas Hyungwon’s kiss had felt like a cloud full of warmth, engulfing him and remaining inside his chest.

He could feel how the beautiful man relaxed below him, arms lifting to curl around his neck and pull him closer, showing much more engagement than he had before, teeth nibbling on Hoseok’s lower lip and pulling it into his hot mouth. Long fingers raked through his hair, pulling him only further into the slim chest. Exhaling into his mouth the pink-haired man removed a hand from his black hair and used it to stroke over Hoseok’s thigh instead, fingers pressing into his skin, pressure increasing as the kiss deepened.   
  
_ Shit, this feels amazing. _ __  
__  
A low moan left his lips at the action, his free hand travelling along the naked chest, skin remaining incredibly hot under his fingertips. He loved every second of it.

The pressure with which the other's long fingers dug into his thigh increased further as Hyungwon inhaled deeply again and pulled his hair, breaking the kiss and putting enough distance between them to establish eye contact.

“Be careful, this might exhaust you,” the brown-eyed man whispered, licking over his lips like after a particularly nice treat. “It seems to be so pleasing that you won’t be able to tell.”   
  
_ Uhm, like sex? When you fall down on the sheets and knock the fuck out. _ __  
__  
“I know, but Hyungwon, have you been close like this to somebody before? Just asking out of curiosity.” Hoseok exhaled sharply, missing the hot, full lips already. Something defensive reappeared as the beautiful man pursed his lips.

“I’ve been close enough, Hoseok. My interactions were just a little-” He paused and licked over his lips like he was savoring the taste, missing it as much as Hoseok was. “A little different.”   
  
“Fine, you just tell me if it’s too much or just rip my shoulder open like you like doing.” He grinned and went for the delicate neck, licking over the jugular and placing kisses along it.

“You’re a hypocrite though, like everyone else,” the low voice murmured as long fingers raked through his hair, not pulling but merely playing with the strands. “You said you need emotions to be close.”   
  
_ There are, a lot of different ones. _   
  
“That’s why I’m not telling you what’s inside my head so you can be blissfully ignorant like this,” Hoseok murmured against the hot skin, tongue travelling further down, dipping into the hollow of Hyungwon’s sharp collarbones.

There was a hiss, the first audible response Hyungwon showed to the ministrations. Nothing visible or traceable like the increased heartrate and change in breathing frequency, just like the change in his pupils.

“Fine, but I’ll stop you when it’s too much,” the pink-haired man replied and pushed Hoseok closer to his skin as if he wanted him to continue. “For you.”   
  
_ For you? There’s no way. _   
  
“For me? I can decide that by myself, thank you for your concern.” His lips closed around a nipple, kissing and sucking on it lightly. Resources were bound to be limited, there was nothing like unlimited strength or energy so of course he would have to give up some. There was so much weirdness surrounding their dynamics, their interactions and the way they communicated that it had to seem off, but he felt so strangely fine.

Again there was a hiss, low and breathy as the lean muscles below him contracted and fingers pulled at his hair, grip on his thigh almost painful at this point.

“You have no fucking idea, Hoseok.”   
  
“I don’t, because you don’t give me the possibility to know, so I have to see for myself.” He ignored the sharp burn of the fingernails digging into his skin. He was used to being in pain, having needles stuffed into his underarms, hands, legs, feeling how the chemicals had eaten healthy parts of his body. Some physical bruising was nothing against it. It was laughable. 

“But you taste so good, fuck.” He shifted his hips on top of the other man’s crotch and sucked on the transition between Hyungwon’s neck and shoulder, his own naked torso touching the burning skin below him.   
  
_ Pain is like an old friend, reminding you that you’re alive, which is per se nothing to be scared of. _

The previous hisses transitioned into a loud gasp as Hyungwon turned his head, pink strands beautiful against the black colour of his pillow, appearing special and somehow ethereal. The motion allowed Hoseok more access to the golden skin, the other man’s heartbeat reached unhealthy heights with how it pulsated under his touch. Licking up the delicate neck, he caught the  full lips right after, tongue exploring and intertwining with Hyungwon’s, burning inside his chest increasing but still bearable. 

There was a sudden, almost unbearable pain in his thigh before it disappeared, immediately followed by instant pulling at his hair that broke the kiss. A prickling sensation stayed where the other man’s fingers had been, even after several seconds had passed.

“You make me react, stop. You’ll be unable to work tomorrow, it’s late already, you won’t have ten hours and you need more than that already to recover completely,” Hyungwon muttered, rather quick for his usual speed of talking. The large eyes remained closed although they weren’t kissing, lean body even hotter to the touch than it had been before.   
  
A short glance at his thigh revealed five perfectly small and round holes, blood soaking the fabric where the index finger and thumb must’ve been.    
  
_ Here you go. Fuck. _ __  
__  
Ignoring the pain once again, he closed the distance for the last time and placed a short kiss on the other's slightly parted lips, leaning back right after.    
  
“Fine, let me put something over it, it’ll be a mess otherwise.” He crawled down the bed, feeling how deep the wound must’ve been, strange considering the very small radius. Hyungwon couldn’t have done it with his prettily cut nails. Impossible.

_ It cut through your pants and your skin. _

The pink-haired man stayed on the bed for a few seconds, sitting up and holding his eyes closed until he finally opened them and appeared shocked, jumping up and following Hoseok, overtaking him on his way to the kitchen. It was strange how he opened the drawer on the very right, getting a packed up bandage out and glancing at the various creams he had, picking the antiseptic. It was as if he knew where they were.

“Fuck, I- I’m sorry. Let’s take care of this. I told you that you make me react.”   
  
“I was prepared for this, I’m just not prepared to wash my sheets because I have no idea how to get out blood and I’m definitely not calling my mom because she’ll get a heart attack with all the things that had happened to me in the past year. I don’t think that you hurt me on purpose.” Hoseok finished the sentence and basically dropped on the chair, feeling how his resources barely held him up with the additional wound clouding his mind with the unnecessary pain perception.

The tall man kneeled in front of him, taking out the bandage and stopping in the middle of the action, staring at him intently as the gaze moved above his head, following the contours of his body as he had done before. It was strange to say the least, eyes widening slowly.

“Shit, you need to rest,” he exclaimed and placed the unpacked bandaid on top of the package, curling a hand around Hoseok’s waist to lift him up, pulling the sweatpants down with his other hand right after. There was not even a twitch in his facial expression as the beautiful man examined the wound, kneeling between Hoseok’s legs. Good thing that he felt so exhausted that he couldn’t give a single shit about being naked or whatnot, lungs filling and releasing air repeatedly as if oxygen was the problem.   
  
_ It’s not. It’s not the oxygen, haemoglobin maybe? _ __  
__  
Hoseok asked himself whether a blood transfusion would have helped and whether his full blood count taken now would have differed from its usual state. 

The pink-haired man fumbled with the package, mumbling something about it being rather deep and apologizing again as all the background noises disappeared suddenly just like the movements of the large hands on his skin and with the packaging. Nothing happened for a few seconds until he felt the warm sensation of a tongue against his thigh, immediately followed by something cool, cream probably.

Hyungwon didn’t comment on it, merely spreading the antiseptic and curling the bandage around Hoseok’s thigh right after, lifting it up with his left hand to do so.   
  
Hoseok stretched out a hand, movement slow and straining as he stroked along the beautifully golden skin of the other man’s cheek, light brown eyes busy with the bandage and not looking up.    
  
“It’s fine, really, I’ll be fine.” The last word was accompanied by a circle of blackness narrowing and finally closing, turning everything dark.   
  


***

 

_ No sense of self-preservation whatsoever. _

Hyungwon’s senses blurred, warmth of the bead spreading through his whole body as the man above him kissed him without a break, lips closing around his skin and hands caressing his sides. The sweet energy that filled him out was like a constant flow, no interruptions as Hoseok didn’t stop, ignoring every warning, believing that he knew better when it was too much for him and when it wasn’t. 

_ But it’s not only him. _

His body was burning, but not only because of the bead. There was different heat filling him out, the same one that he had perceived while kissing the mesmerizing human before, travelling along his legs and filling out the space that was left, clouding his mind with the wish to touch more and taste more of the sweetness.

_ It’s too much. For him and for you. _

Hyungwon couldn’t get himself to stop, fingers tightening on the firm thigh and gasp leaving his lips, unfamiliar just like the sacrificial manner with which Hoseok drowned him, absolutely ignorant of the way the bright blue colour diminished, supplying Hyungwon instead.

_ But you can live without, he can’t. _

Grasping his own thoughts became difficult with each additional kiss, curved lips parting his own as the cool tongue explored his mouth, reminding him of what he could have and how his body could react. He could have all of it, absorbing it at once but there was something satisfying about the way the blue light encompassed him instead.

The sensation was enjoyable, something desirable but unfamiliar. Slowly but steadily the tiny threads of his human illusion began blurring in front of his eyes, borders almost nonexistent with each further kiss and caress Hoseok administered, unaware of the change.

Hyungwon forced it to stay in place, energy filling him out and moving back out almost instantly, picking up the pieces of the lie he needed to uphold, mind unable to focus sufficiently.

Inhaling the sweet scent deeply the border cracked, hands changing just as his senses sharpened. His nails dug into the soft skin, breaking it and filling his nose with the strong scent of blood.

_ Stop. _

He said whatever came to mind, stopping the other man and squeezing his eyes shut to return his senses, to reduce his abilities and force the human features back onto his body, prevent the human from knowing even more than he already did.

Only when he had used a sufficient amount of energy to refocus, the scent of blood almost threw him right back, overwhelming with how intensive it was. He had hurt the black-haired man more than before.

Breathing in sharply and focusing on the arrangement of the apartment, he easily found the scent of bandages and various medicine, mixture unpleasant and therefore identifiable. As soon as Hoseok had sat down he immediately got to work, worried with how the blue aura diminished further, string of energy dissipating into the air through the small opening, blood running down the pale thigh.

_ Fuck. _

He apologized again, filling the time with meaningless conversation to distract the black-haired man from the pain and exhaustion he must have felt. It was pointless, body slowly giving in on its own independent of Hyungwon’s attempts, but it appeared necessary somehow. Staring at the slowly appearing drop of blood something short-circuited as sweetness filled his nose, bead reacting to the small string of energy, wanting it.

Hyungwon didn’t hesitate, leaning forward and licking over the wound with his tongue, taste just as sweet as everything else about the other man.

_ What are you doing? _

Holding his breath he immediately got to work, smearing the antiseptic he had found over the small ruptures and weakening the scent, thereby allowing himself to inhale again. Once he had curled the bandage around the firm thigh he felt more at ease, wound not in sight and energy flow stopping. The calm he had established with the action disappeared instantly as he looked up, barely comprehensible words leaving the curved mouth as the light blue force reached way below half.

__ Oh no.  
  
The warm, dark brown eyes closed and Hoseok leaned over, head falling onto his shoulder while the muscular arm that had been stretched out and stroking his cheek fell to the side immediately. It was a familiar sight, something Hyungwon had seen almost every second day, a human collapsing because of lack of energy, absorbed by the bead inside his chest.

_ But you didn’t take it forcefully, he gave it all by himself, just like that. _

It was difficult to understand how Hoseok was able to go beyond self-preservation. Of course pleasure was numbing, something that one yearned for at the cost of the most basic needs like food and sleep, but still the black-haired man had been going too far.

_ He shouldn’t lose any memory though, the loss was slow and natural. _

There was also no possibility of the doctor believing that Hyungwon’s appearance was only a dream, for that they had met too often and there were too many strings of interactions connecting them. There was no way to ease that into a dreamed up world. The only possibility was that the other man would have visions of him now, while being unconscious.

Concerned, although he never was usually,  Hyungwon stabilized the other man and dressed him again before lifting him up, carrying him to the bedroom where he placed him on the big bed. He didn’t really know what to do, so he just sat down at the edge and stared at the pale features. The handsome man seemed calm although he had lost consciousness, facial muscles relaxed and chest rising and falling slowly. The energy level stayed low, sight not too pleasant with how much brightness Hoseok had lost.

_ Usually you just leave them lying on their own until they wake up, why are you sitting here? _

Hyungwon wasn’t really sure. His thoughts circled around the fact that the black-haired man had given him the energy freely, without expecting anything in return. It felt like a present somehow, one that he couldn’t take while endangering the doctor’s health.

_ But you know that he will be fine, eventually. _

Still he stayed, playing with his fingers and making sure that there was no blood remaining on them, probably only resulting in discomfort for Hoseok once he woke up. The refilled energy levels also kept him from feeling tired, walking around the apartment instead when he felt unable to sit around and stare anymore. He had never been forced to stay at someone’s place without occupation, freeing himself or pretending to be someone he was not instead.

_ You don’t even have to stay, you could just leave. _

Looking through the bookshelves he pulled Marcel Proust’s ‘In Search Of Lost Time’ out of the shelf and couldn’t help a smile at the small writing on the side, probably a present from someone judging by the personal message. Curious as to why someone would give a seven volume memoire-like novel to the doctor Hyungwon took it to the bedroom and began reading as soon as he sat down next to the now sleeping man, brushing through the beautiful black hair absentmindedly as his eyes jumped from line to line.

It was easy to drown in the upper-citizen class perspective, memories easily pulled out from his mind and reminding him of how different life had been back then. The memoir was detailed, almost completely based on internal thoughts and reactions to outside occurrences. It was like looking at the human mind through a small window, absolutely fascinating. 

He lost track of time, something easy when it didn’t end.

_ Good that you don’t have to search for it. _   
  
Suddenly he felt a gaze on him, turning to the side and looking straight into Hoseok’s warm, brown eyes. The other man was just lying on the pillow and looking at him intently.   
  
“You know what I thought when my friend from the genetics lab called me and told me all those things?” the low voice asked suddenly.

Hyungwon couldn’t help the surprise, unaware of how much time passed but calculating it approximately based on the brighter colour of human life force that surrounded the muscular body. It must have been about 5 hours.

_ He recovered then. _

“What?” he asked slowly, closing the book with one hand and placing it on the night table, other hand still intertwined with the silky strands of Hoseok’s hair. For a short moment he wanted to remove it, but didn’t see a reason to, it would have just seemed rough and as if he hadn’t intended to do that, so Hyungwon simply continued.   
  
“I was a little happy about it.” The other man’s curved mouth curled up in a smile. “Because if you’re indeed not human you won’t die from your tachycardia and all the other stuff.”

_ He’s concerned? While lying half dead after losing most of his energy he is lying there and worrying about you? _

Hyungwon couldn’t believe it, not comprehending how it was possible to have absolutely no interest in one’s own well being, spending energy and even worrying about the person that took all of it. A person that ripped one’s skin enough to bleed.

_ You’re not even a person. _

“The only one you should be thinking about is yourself, Hoseok. What would it matter even if tachycardia killed me? You barely know me. Every person you meet could suddenly disappear and you would neither know, nor care. Human affection is meaningless because it only concerns the individuals you know.”   
  
“I had enough time to think about myself, my body gave out but it was one of the possible outcomes I’ve expected. It would matter to me if you’d die, that’s just how it is, even if you don’t like it. You can only care if you know, Hyungwon. Which is why I want to know.” It was interesting how the curved lips moved, pronouncing words but the body just stayed absolutely motionless, probably saving up energy.

_ He wants to know so he can care? _

“You’re just crazy,” Hyungwon muttered, firmly believing that something must have been broken in the other man’s wiring, taking usual human qualities and turning them around, creating protection but one that didn’t stay for all the important situations.

_ Like being close to you. _

Sighing he made sure to be far enough to not accidentally motivate the black-haired man to give up energy by being affectionate. Still stroking through the black-hair he watched the pensive facial expression, inhaling the weakened scent and feeling rather upset about it.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”   
  
Hoseok closed his eyes at the question, humming in his low voice before Hyungwon could see a smile pulling at the corners of his curved mouth.   
  
“Stay.”

_ Easy. _

“Fine,” he replied, glancing towards the book he put away and taking it again, opening the page he stopped at and continuing to pass over the lines, feeling the dark brown eyes on his face. He didn’t react, focusing on the detailed description of a meeting and drowning in the depictions of the past. His hand just stayed in place, massaging the scalp a little. There was something calm to the action, making him feel better about the situation and himself.

_ You idiot. _

His eyes widened as he turned towards the other man sharply, looking in detail at the way his fingers had been intertwined with the black strands, stroking over them repeatedly, affectionate. He was giving up small bits of energy.

_ What the hell are you doing? _

He let go, uncomfortable about the lack of insight into his own actions. He forced himself to stare at the black lines, meaning passing by him despite the words registering. Suddenly cool hands grabbed his palm and Hoseok placed a kiss on top of it before letting go and closing his eyes again.

_ He needs it. _

Hyungwon bit his lower lip, disbelieving that despite the need to recover the pale man had given up some of his already lacking resources just to place a kiss on his hand. It was pleasant, returning a bit more warmth despite the cold lips. He dug his nails into his palm for a few seconds, fighting with himself to decide on a proper course of action.

Exhaling he released the hold and slipped his fingers back into the black strands, massaging along the scalp and inhaling the sweet scent. It was like a tradeoff. He profited the most because he needed the scent to calm the bead, to convince it of being close enough and able to get what it wanted. Hoseok got less from it, just tiny sparks but Hyungwon was able to focus on the book, enjoy the sweet scent and occupy his hands somehow. After all he hated sitting still. 

Simple as that.

“And what do you think now? About the phone call I mean,” Hyungwon asked to distract himself, muscles tensing. He remembered the fact that the doctor had bothered to get his DNA checked out behind his back, again reminding him of his reason for staying away from people who had the possibility of getting under his skin, find out his secret and hurt him somehow.

_ But people that want to hurt you wouldn’t almost kill themselves to give you energy. _

“I think that you might be perfect for me. I don't want to surround myself with people who start liking me, because I don't know when and if it'll hit me again and then those people will suffer because I might leave. You don't seem to like me, but I like you. If you're indeed not human then this is where my competence in modern medicine ends, you won't be sad when I'm gone.” The words were pronounced clearly, expression serious and Hoseok’s dark brown eyes focusing on his face.

The words were a lot to take in, so different from what Hyungwon had expected the other man to say. Everything the curved lips had said spoke of selflessness, the concern only being directed at the people around the selfless man instead of himself.

_ He wants to be with you because you won’t be hurt by his death. _

Hyungwon swallowed, shocked at the words and staring at the black letters on the page, absolutely meaningless compared to the emotional load that Hoseok had just shared with him. There was no solution to his response. He couldn’t tell the black-haired man that he wasn’t human, confirming his suspicion and giving him the calm belief that there was nothing he could do for Hyungwon and at the same time he didn’t want to deny it, take the one thing the dark-brown eyes were holding onto.

“Why do you like me?” he asked eventually, not comprehending how the other man was able to feel affection towards a creature that desired to take his energy, attempted to force him into it and showed absolutely no interest in his person.

_ Is it because you don’t care? Does he only want to be with you because you won’t be hurt? _

“There is this saying, that there's one thing that you'll always be forced to do by yourself and it's dying, which is true, one always dies alone. You seem like the epitome of loneliness to me, sure you're not dying, I figured, but this is the fascinating thing, normally we always strive for contact, for confirmation, for exchange, but you don't. You're the loneliness, I'm seriously mesmerized by you. I don't know anybody like that.” Hoseok stayed serious, body not moving an inch but mind obviously working to formulate the complex answers into sentences, lips moving and pronouncing the words with a little strain.

Hyungwon licked over his lips, fingers moving from the black hair to stroke along the pale cheek once, cold compared to his own temperature before he massaged the scalp and caressed the soft hair again. It was easier to justify.

_ He’s different, Hyungwon. Something must have changed him. _

“But humans have happiness as their ultimate goal, don’t they? What differs between them are the occurrences and desires that result in that happiness. Won’t surrounding yourself with individuals that don’t care about you hurt, make you unhappy? Why would you want loneliness, Hoseok?” Closing his eyes for a few seconds he focused on the way he could perceive the black-haired man in front of him, still strained and barely staying awake. “Confirmation is only something you need if you are weak, unable to find it in yourself. But there are always people around me, Hoseok, how does that make me lonely?”

“I don't want to surround myself with anybody, I just want you close and no, it doesn't hurt me. No-one knows anything about you, am I right? You never say anything. I'm stubborn, I'll keep asking, because I care. You don't understand me, I’m lying here barely moving, but it doesn't matter, I don't have a single regret. Not at all.” A smile appeared on Hoseok's handsome face, eyes closing and opening slowly.

Hyungwon wasn’t sure what overcame him when he threw the book to the side and placed his left hand next to the handsome face, leaning down and closing the distance between their lips, licking inside the warm mouth and feeling how the familiar sensation of energy being invested into an action seeped out of him. It wasn’t enough to matter, not to him. Licking over the curved mouth once, he broke the kiss again, inhaling the sweet scent that had strengthened in its intensity.

“If you won’t get hurt by your selfless behaviour, you will get hurt by me, Hoseok. You should reconsider,” he whispered, staring at the dark-brown eyes, almost black compared to his own, but still so much more expressive, soaked in human emotions. 

“Nothing I'm not prepared for.” The answer was simple, easy, immediate as if it had been clear to the other man from the very beginning. “Just don't get hurt.”

Hyungwon sighed at the selfless response, still unable to comprehend that the other man wasn’t pretending, genuinely prefering to sacrifice himself for the wellbeing of someone else. The brightness of the aura had returned some more, so he placed another short kiss on the curved mouth and returned to his spot against the headboard, book too far away to use it as an occupation.

“I can’t share with you, Hoseok. It’s- it’s too much, too much for someone like you.”

_ A human. _

Cool fingers found his hand again curling around it and lifting it towards Hoseok's curved mouth. 

“I told you, right now I'm fine like this.” The other man's lips touched his skin repeatedly, leaving a small trace. The tiny spark of warmth tingled along his skin, bead responding eagerly.

_ No.  _

Hyungwon bit his lip painfully and ripped his hand away, unwilling to allow Hoseok to drain himself like that. The back of his hand hit the headboard with force at the action, too sudden to stop it in time as the sensation felt numbed almost immediately, recovery fast with the amount of energy he had received from the doctor lying in bed next to him. 

“Stop, you need to recover,” Hyungwon exclaimed, confusion at the incomprehensible actions mixing with anger. “I won’t let you almost kill yourself by giving me your-”  _ Life force. _

He stopped talking, eyes widening at the words that had almost left his mouth, prior distance and carefulness difficult to keep up. But it didn’t matter, whether the black-haired man was stubborn and wished to know more, nor if Hyungwon had gotten closer. He couldn’t share, it was incomprehensible to humans. Inhaling sharply, sweetness not enough to calm him down, he closed his eyes at the sudden dread that spread in his stomach at the thought of being revealed. Fear, human fear.

_ You’re the one who has to stop. If you tell him you will have to erase him sooner.  _

“I'm not killing myself and I’m not suicidal. I enjoy it which is why I do it, it feels nice. I don't like it when you're trying to stay away, it's easier when you're just trying to be close.” It was fascinating how Hoseok reacted, calm and absolutely fearless.

_ Giving it away feels nice? _

Hyungwon didn't know what to say, remaining quiet and simply resuming what he had done before, keeping his hand in the black hair and hoping it was enough contact to stop the other man from giving away everything he had.

“This is nice,” Hoseok whispered, before closing his eyes and escaping from the realms of reality into deep sleep.

Hyungwon stayed absolutely still, watching the way the broad chest rose and fell with each breath, strain disappearing and leaving only the sweetness of the other man's scent and the weight of his words. 

_ How are you supposed to take from someone like that?  _

_ He’ll just end up giving you everything. _

_ _ _  
  


“A little more seductive, you want that person to come at you, rip your clothes off.”

_ And preferably buy some for shitloads of money. _

Biting into the side of his lower lip and opening his eyes wider Hyungwon stared into the black lense of the camera, sound of shutters filling the air like small explosions, particularly big raindrops on a metallic surface. He was sitting amongst black and white pillows, white silk shirt covering his chest, first few buttons undone which was absolutely pointless with how completely soaked he was. The black fabric of his pants was sticking to his legs, like ice compared to his body temperature. It was unpleasant but good for superb pictures.

Max was talking to someone at the side, probably agreeing on further shootings since Hyungwon had left an impression in the first half an hour, finishing most of the shots in record time. The short man’s aura was a pleasant blue, fitting to the greenish-blue of the rather bulky man he was talking to, older and therefore less satisfying as a source of energy. Hyungwon wasn’t interested in either of them, but the small exchange of energy that occured while they were talking was fascinating, tiny bits dissipating but not always ending up absorbed by the other person. Were they having disagreements or were humans just absolutely unable to use what they rip away from others?

_ Only you can suck up most of it, leaving the other person empty. _

Tilting his head and leaning forward he returned his seductive gaze to the camera, long fingers sinking into one of the pillows next to him, facial expressions the right ones but thoughts busy with something else.

It had become increasingly difficult to simply float along with time. Sure, he still worked, he still fed on human life force and he still studied the small amount of literary works that he had not yet consumed, reading them in various languages that he had acquired over the years to broaden his ability to occupy himself. But it wasn’t really the same, he wasn’t detached from everything that happened around him, not in the way he should have been.

The sun was still setting and rising independently of whether Hyungwon had paid attention to it or not, but there was constantly something that raised his awareness of it. The familiar sweetness showed him by decreasing in intensity after a long work day and increasing in the morning, refilling overnight.

_ You always know what state he is in, whether you want to or not. He gave you energy but the bead needs to take it by itself to calm down, it doesn’t care whether he drowns you in it or not. _

Hyungwon had avoided the other man a little, not visiting him spontaneously or popping up in his presence over the past two weeks. His reason was more complex than it had seemed at first. Avoiding the black-haired man wasn’t easy, rather the opposite, energy levels draining quickly at the amount he spent on finding and following the scent, constantly aware of its presence and its strength, subconsciously.

_ Why would it matter if he has a lot of energy or not? Are you his guardian now? Don’t make yourself laugh. _

Staying the night with the drained doctor had been against his nature, something that didn’t correspond with his view of himself and what he considered important. Protecting his identity was important, just like filling his resources. The life and well-being of a human on the other hand, not so much. It felt like he would only drown deeper in the differences that Hoseok showed, liking him for a reason that was beyond everything Hyungwon had ever seen in a human. There had to be something selfish, like the wish to be happy and therefore keep people that only gave around oneself, receiving affection non-stop, especially if one was unhappy. 

_ But not in Hoseok.  _

The black-haired man only wanted to be able to give without hurting anybody. Hyungwon had never given even the tiniest spark to another being, independent of how much they were suffering or how much pain they felt, he only took it. Human life was transient, there was no point in saving or prolonging it, changing its natural course. Speeding up the recovery of energy was even less comprehensible, giving something of himself only to strengthen a process that took place even without his involvement.

_ But still you kissed him, giving him back what he had blessed you with for free, without asking for anything. _

There had been something to the strain he had observed in the dark brown eyes, expression serious and unwilling to accept a kiss without following it up with several of his own, caressing his palm with his curved lips.

Hyungwon sighed, pressure spreading in his temples at the complexity of the situation. It was easier to just leave when something like that happened, but he wasn’t prepared to leave at all. He couldn’t without the possibility of taking the doctor’s energy forcibly, erasing his experiences and episodic memories. Hoseok would never let him, even if he didn’t know what Hyungwon was able to do.

_ You have four years to solve this unless he finds out what you are. _

The loud voice of the photography director ripped him out of his thoughts, senses immediately returning to the familiar sweet energy that he couldn't get out of his head. Focusing further there was something wrong as it had diminished considerably compared to the last time that Hyungwon had checked up on the other man. Hoseok was currently surrounded by a lot of others and one individual that was barely traceable, energy diminishing at a rapid speed, beyond salvation.

_ Someone is dying. He will probably be upset. _

Changing into something dry without bothering about the people around him, Hyungwon brushed a hand through his wet hair, disliking the way it felt. The thought that the doctor would be upset at the loss didn’t leave him even when he had dried his hair, packed up his things and made his way back home. Opening the door to his house he sighed loudly, confused by the constant awareness and sudden concern he had to deal with. There was no reason to be upset when a human died, it happened all the time and it would continue to happen.

_ There is especially no need to invest precious energy to save them. _

Hyungwon had seen countless humans die and still he couldn’t help but wonder whether the selfless man would be upset and blame himself for his inability to save somebody. It just seemed  like something that Hoseok would do.

_ Just check. Then you’ll know and can continue not giving a shit. _

Once he threw his bag into the hallway he walked past his art collection covering the walls, examining them in thought, contemplating his choices.

_ Don’t go, you were trying to avoid him, to keep him from doing something stupid. _

His eyes scanned the various paintings, ranging over several epochs, only arranged according to his preference of seeing them. All of his house was covered in artworks he had saved from destruction and kept to himself over the two world wars, enjoying the genuine portrayal of emotions and the energy that was enclosed in them, a part of the artist that remained. 

Stopping at the end of the hallway he brushed over the dusty frame of Gustav Klimt’s ‘Philosophy’, a part he had saved from a fire in 1945. There was something extraordinary about the piece. It depicted human age, worries and concerns abstractly throughout the lifespan, something that he couldn’t understand, fruition and decay all at once because it didn’t happen to him.

_ It’s as if he accepted the circle without fear. _

The sweetness moved, leaving the mass of people behind, direction appearing aimless in space, merely yearning for a place with no other human. Hoseok must have wanted to be alone.

Hyungwon removed his fingers from the frame, turning around and crossing the distance to the door, leaving immediately. His legs carried him towards the hospital the other man worked at, a place he would have avoided at all costs only a month or so ago.

_ He wants to be alone, he escaped the other humans. _

_ But you’re not human. _

He only sped up, arriving at the hospital and following the increasing strength of the sweet scent, body yearning for proximity just like the bead yearned to absorb the life force.   
  
Hoseok left the hospital building and walked in the opposite direction of his apartment. The other man didn't look as if he knew what he was doing. The behavior appeared very much unlike Hoseok, who was either at home, with exactly one other individual or jogging in the park. There was no alternative.

Hyungwon followed him, catching up easily but not stopping the black-haired man, curious about where he would go.   
  
When they had entered the blooming English Garden the other man sped up, walking over a sharp green hill before throwing his bag on a random spot and letting himself fall on his back in the middle of the field, eyes closed.

_ Most likely upset.  _

Hyungwon wasn't exactly an expert on the spectrum of human emotions  but abandoning work, throwing away possessions and drowning oneself in darkness at a deserted green spot seemed to be a good representation of sadness, possibly regret. Licking over his lips briefly he crossed the distance, using some energy to keep others away.

_ He wasted his energy to save someone for nothing, that's beyond frustrating but rather something to be angry about, not sad.  _

Sitting down next to the black-haired man, soundless as always, he examined the pale face, trying to read and interpret the expression on it. Hoseok simply breathed, teeth settling on his lower lip and biting down, sensation most definitely painful. 

Disliking the wasteful action Hyungwon reached out, placing his palm on top of the cool, pale one, grass tickling his skin a little. The contact was pleasant, calming the yearning in his chest a little bit, energetic warmth of the bead becoming more prominent despite his human form.   
  
Hoseok’s warm, brown eyes opened and focused on his face, white of the eyeball rather red in comparison to how it looked like normally.   
  
“Long time no see,” his curved lips whispered.

_ Has he been crying? No, right? _

“True that,” Hyungwon replied, not sure what else to say and rubbing over the pale hand, drawing circles. Watching the tiny veins around the attractive eyes he couldn't help but feel increasingly suspicious that the other man had cried. The death of a human was definitely not worth doing something as wasteful as crying. He pursed his lips at the reduced life force, wondering if that is how Hoseok had lost it. “Why are you here?”   
  
The other man removed his gaze, losing focus and staring into nothing.    
  
“It’s just one of those days where I can’t handle seeing people cry,” the low voice next to him commented.

“Did you cry?” The curiosity was disturbing, anger at the possibility bubbling under his skin. It was such a waste of the precious resources that Hoseok had. It made Hyungwon wish to just kill those people already so that they wouldn't bother the black-haired man with their concerns. The doctor had enough of his own.   
  
A hum was the only answer, brown eyes closing again and a single tear making its way down his pale cheek.

Hyungwon watched the drop of light blue colour dissipate into nothing, disappearing as if it was air, nothing. 

“Why would you be upset, Hoseok? There is nothing you could do, I don't understand. Why do you waste your strength on somebody else's life? It's meant to end, so leave it to it.” Hyungwon couldn't contain the words, needing an explanation for the involvement. He reached for the single tear drop with his thumb and brushed it away, watching the hurt man. Tears were the one thing he couldn't absorb, energy tainted and not meant to be taken. “Don't cry.”   
  
“Why are you here?” Hoseok asked while keeping his eyes closed and lips slightly parted to suck in air through them.

“You seemed upset.” Once the words left him it was already too late, explaining would be difficult but he would just have to improvise if necessary. “I wanted to know why.”   
  
Hoseok didn’t seem surprised at all. He sighed, opened one eye and glanced at him.   
  
“Are there times when you are upset? Do you have things that make you upset?”

_ Are there? _

His thoughts immediately carried him to the black box with memories in his basement, waiting for new ones to be entered, experiences and signs of affection that he hadn't returned piling up. Memories that were preferably forgotten. 

_ There aren't. _

“No,” he whispered. “Only if I don't get something that I want or if precious resources are wasted, like now. But it's more like anger than genuine sadness. I'm not sad.”   
  
“It’s fascinating, I think I also wouldn’t be sad if I was alone in vacuum, but I’m not, so it happens that I’m sad, like now.” Another tear rolled down his pale cheek, the other man wasn’t making any sounds, the salty liquid the only requisite remaining on the pale skin.

Hyungwon brushed it away again, uncomfortable with the sight, the wish to make it stop almost overpowering. 

“Maybe that's what one might call it, living alone in a vacuum, I like the description.” He chuckled at the thought. ““Like being inside a glass box, untouchable but seeing and hearing everything perfectly, observing how life passes me by, continually changing, independent of whatever I do.”

_ Apart from the life force that you take. _

He inhaled deeply before continuing, sweet scent present but interrupted by bits of tainted energy that dissolved in the air. 

“Humans need social contact. They are social beings that are dependent on the interaction with others. It's impossible not to, but there are so many that are self-centred and capable of ignoring others and their pains, why can't you?”   
  
“Because I don’t like it. The pain makes me feel alive.” The answer had been immediate as Hoseok’s cool fingers started moving under his hot palm.

Hyungwon watched the crying man for a few seconds, thinking about human interactions and affection, emotions difficult to comprehend just like the actions that resulted from them. He removed his hand from the cool palm and drew a harsh breath, wanting to stop the crying and loss of energy. It was unpleasant to watch, pulling on something inside of him. 

Licking over his lips he stretched out his arms, staring at the dark brown eyes intently. 

“Come here.”   
  
Surprise spread over Hoseok’s attractive features before his muscular body rose from the grass and both arms curled around Hyungwon's thin waist, cool palms pressing him closer. He returned the embrace, inhaling the sweet scent and focused on the way soft breaths hit his neck. 

“Wanting to feel pain in order to feel alive seems to be something I understand,” he whispered and stroked over the black hair, focusing on the bright blue engulfing him. The bead didn't respond at all despite the presence of the familiar sweetness.

_ Because he is upset. It doesn't want the poisoned energy. _ __  
__  
“You do? It’s not that I’m searching for it, it’s just there, you know? I just accept it when it appears, that’s just how it is, it’s a part of my life, just like death is.” The almost cold lips moved against his neck while Hoseok spoke.

“I might be searching for it,” Hyungwon replied, voice a little distant although he didn't mean to sound like that. “It's more physical with me though, less emotional.”   
  
“You’re searching for pain? Why?” Hoseok tightened his arms around him. His own warmth was transcending through the fabric and the other man’s body seemed to be cooling his own.

_ Why? Because you live forever.  _

It would have been simple to explain had Hyungwon been able to share everything with the black-haired man, but he wasn't, so he attempted to elaborate without revealing to much, burying his nose in the silky black hair. 

“For excitement maybe, to break the monotony, the repetition. When everything moves around you it can be frustrating to stay in place all the time. Pain can interrupt thoughts, give clarity. I don't feel much of it so I search for it sometimes.”   
  
“What a huge difference the possibility of choice can make, am I right? Ah, you smell so good, like walking around in a pine wood in the alps and breathing in fresh mountain air.” The vibration of Hoseok’s low voice tickled his ear while the other man inhaled right next to it, keeping the air in his lungs for a short moment before releasing it again, cool exhale hitting the shell of his ear.

“Are you feeling better?” Hyungwon asked, a little strained by the sudden popularity of their little grass patch. One of the individuals was particularly enthusiastic. 

_ It's his human friend. _

“I think your friend is looking for you. Do you want him to find you?” Hyungwon didn't care for the other man but it was Hoseok’s decision whether he intended to be found. It was highly likely that his human friend could do a much better job at consoling than he could.

_ Although there are no tears, the blue seems calm.  _ __  
__  
Hoseok leaned back, gaze focused on his face and reduced the distance. His dark-brown orbs disappeared behind his eyelids while the handsome man placed a kiss on his lips then stayed attached for what was only a couple of seconds but seemed much longer.

_ As if time stops. _

His eyelids closed as he followed the other man's action, focusing on the sensation. The familiar cool feeling slipped through his parted lips, as Hoseok was licking inside his mouth and drowning him in the bright blue.

_ He just gave to a dying person, succumbed to sadness and now he gives to you? _

Hyungwon returned the kiss, meeting the cool tongue before moving back and parting, examining the dark eyes. 

“Does giving bring you pleasure? Are you addicted to being used?” he asked quietly, closing his eyes briefly to focus on keeping away outsiders.    
  
“Bullshit. You tried to use me, see how well that worked.” Hoseok loosened his grip on Hyungwon’s slim waist and stood up, grabbing his bag and focusing his gaze on his face once again. “Thank you. Really, thank you.” Then the muscular man turned around and walked away, as if nothing had happened, as if they didn’t hug in the middle of the park, surrounded by people that Hyungwon had kept away, as if Hoseok didn’t cry and didn’t kiss him, drowning him in his sweet lifeforce on purpose.

He remained on the grass, sitting on his own and imagining how the other man leaving was like the passage of time. Slow and steady, no matter what happens life still goes on and the earth still turns. Nothing was permanent and it should have been calming to watch and be reminded, but it wasn't. 

Something about the way Hoseok had left surprised him and didn't fit with his previous experience.

_ He thanked you.  _

Hoseok had thanked him although the doctor had been the one to sacrifice energy, actions incomprehensible but consistent. No matter when Hyungwon encountered the black-haired man, other people seemed always of greater importance than Hoseok himself. It didn't make any sense. 

“What is it that makes you want to give yourself so much then, if it's not addiction?” he asked into nothing, watching how a little girl ran onto the meadow with a blue ball, kicking it in front of her and blissfully unaware of Hyungwon's presence although he had stopped using his energy to keep other people away. 

_ You keep acting unlike yourself, Hyungwon. It doesn't matter why he wants to give himself, his life is going to end eventually.  _

Just like everyone else's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 19th of June at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Because it’s pointless. Fear is pointless, it doesn't give you anything, it just takes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> 

_ There’s no way that he’s human, Hoseok. _ __  
__  
“It’s not a dog and not a human for sure, unfortunately that’s the only DNA I could compare it to, as no one had sequenced the other genomes yet, but it must be a mammal, a wolf or a fox? The canine sequences are there, actually I was so interested that I read up on those domesticated foxes they extracted the genome from, back in the soviet union. It’s really interesting, it must be something similar, but in pink. Genetic mutation? Where did you get the hair from?” The blonde man gestured while letting Hoseok look over the extraction and the beautifully 3D reconstructed and coloured string.    
  
“A friend asked me, I had to promise not to say anything. But if it’s not human we can’t say anything anyway. No data.” He sighed and leaned back from the atomic force microscope.   
  
_ It’s 50 bi-armed chromosomes except for two pairs. This is in no way human. _ __  
__  
“Did you see the two chromosomes that are not bi-armed?” Hoseok asked carefully.   
  
“Sure, my program says it’s an arctic fox, which is why I looked it up, but it’s a giant mess from the structure, furthermore I haven’t seen a pink arctic fox before, aren’t they white? Why am I analyzing fox-hair Hoseok? This is humiliating, bring me some cancer or at least a rare mutation.”  __  
__  
_ Arctic fox? This doesn’t make any sense. _ __  
__  
But nothing made sense with Hyungwon, so he just smiled at his colleague murmuring a quick apology and promised him to meet up for a drink soon, another lie as he wouldn’t be getting close to the blonde man.   
  
_ You have a responsibility towards people who care about you, never forget that. _ __  
__  
He didn’t. Not even for a second.    
  
_ But he doesn’t like you. And he’s not human, whatever that might mean.  _ __  
__  
Walking back to his apartment, Hoseok thought about the countless situations in which Hyungwon had acted strange, untypical, saying things that didn’t make sense considering his factual knowledge about the world he was living in. There must be a world he didn’t know anything about. The one where the pink-haired man with fox-DNA lived in.    
  
_ It was strange to him that you met, that you didn't let him take the kiss from you, that you wanted to be close, to touch and kiss him, to give your energy. He doesn’t understand that. It’s perfect. He won’t care about you. _ __  
__  
_ While you do. _ __  
__  
Hoseok wanted to see him so badly.    
  
Dropping himself onto the yellow couch he slid his pants down and put cream onto the nail marks. They were slowly fading, but round dark spots remained on his pale skin. His smartphone fell out of his pocket and he stared at it for a couple of minutes, lungs clenching further the more time passed.   
  
_ Call him. Tell him to come. _ __  
__  
The action was immediate, hands picking up the phone and searching for the number he had called weeks ago, which wasn’t hard as he only called Changkyun. His mother always called the home phone.    
  
Hyungwon’s beautiful voice ripped through the speaker as the model introduced himself, apparently something that the pink-haired man always did.    
  
“I think it’s not fair. It’s not fair that you know where I am and what I’m doing, always capable of coming to me, but I can’t do anything, just hoping that you will pop up,” he spoke into the phone, head thrown back and enjoying the sound of the other man’s low voice.

“So you called, didn’t you? Where is the problem then, Hoseok?” Hyungwon replied, smile audible in his words as he appeared to be going somewhere, honking of cars and the sound of a dog barking filling out the background.   
  
“The problem is that you’re not here. Where are you?” he breathed out, fist clenching at his side and the wish to touch the other man overwhelming, to taste the plump lips and to press Hyungwon’s hot body against his chest.

There was a chuckle as the sounds changed, appearing a little distorted.

“Close enough. Do you want me to come?” the low voice asked as the background noises reinstated, sound of birds mixing with other people talking.   
  
“Yes. Don’t you know that?” Hoseok wondered how far the other man was able to know what was going on with him, being sensitive enough to know when he was sad and why, finding and comforting him.    
  
_ Why though? It must be emotionless, don’t imagine something that’s not there. _   
  
“I don’t know everything,” the man on the other end of the line remarked cheerfully, wind interrupting the connection for a few seconds. Hoseok heard how the phone moved through the air, like the other man intended to hang up until the voice suddenly returned, as if remembering something. “Where are you?”   
  
_ Liar. _ __  
__  
“Close enough,” Hoseok whispered and hung up.   
  
There was no way Hyungwon didn’t know where he was. The other didn’t want to reveal anything about himself which was understandable considering the way humanity was trained to judge immediately.   


It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes when the light chirping of his door bell sounded through the apartment. He jumped up immediately, running over to the door, pressing the key button and watching through the door crack how the pink hair appeared on the staircase. Hyungwon must have been an impressive runner, popping up in a matter of seconds and walking over to the door immediately, ripping it open, pink eyebrow raised.

“Why are you hiding behind the door?”   
  
“Because I’m sneaky.” Hoseok grinned and couldn’t help staring at the beautiful face and Hyungwon’s fascinating eyes, pupils dilating randomly.

“Doesn’t work on me.” Hyungwon shrugged with his shoulders and walked past him, entering the kitchen like last time and filling a glass of water for himself which he emptied immediately. “Are you calmer now that I’m here?”   
  
Hoseok walked after him, leaning against the door frame and observing the smooth movements with interest. Hyungwon didn’t make any noise while moving around, it was mesmerizing.   
  
“I wouldn’t necessarily say calm, but I’m glad that you came.” A smile appeared on his lips. He was really happy to have the pink-haired man in arms reach.

“Something switched about your attitude, it’s weird. Did anything happen that you would like to share?” Hyungwon asked, eyes narrowing a little bit as he jumped up on the counter, muscles in his biceps flexing smoothly, motion absolutely fluent and silent.   
  
“Nothing much, I just missed you, although I don’t know how it is relevant to you.” Hoseok moved closer, sitting down on one of the chairs across from the counter Hyungwon was sitting on. The pink-haired man appeared curious, leaning forward a little and pursing his lips.   


“What does missing me entail? How does it feel for you? Is it like a yearning, do you need to act on it?” he asked quickly, words rolling of his tongue.   
  
_ How does it feel? _ __  
__  
He stood up and walked towards Hyungwon, slow steps of his bare feet perfectly audible, in comparison to the noiseless steps the other man was able to pull off with his shoes on. Stopping in front of the familiar body Hoseok closed his eyes and lifted his right hand, finding the hot skin in a matter of seconds and stroking over the round chin, smooth cheek and beautifully straight nose bridge before travelling down towards big, plump lips, hot against his fingertips with no air escaping through.    
  
__ He’s holding his breath again.

“Are you mesmerized by my beauty?” Hyungwon asked, smile pulling at the corners of his plump lips, still not inhaling despite the words.   
  
“This is a stupid question to ask someone who has his eyes closed, Hyungwon. I am mesmerized by you, independent of your face.” His eyes remained shut as he leaned closer and traced the prominent jawline with his lips, the other man’s skin burning and sending shivers down his spine.

There was no reply as the beautiful man hissed, inhaling with a deep breath but remaining absolutely still otherwise. The other's heartbeat hammered loudly against Hoseok’s skin. The feeling was intense, warmth melting into the sensation, his own tactile perceptions overwhelming with how incredibly intense it felt without seeing anything. When he had found the hot, plump lips he didn’t do anything and simply exhaled against them sharply, tension unbearable and heat clearly perceivable, even without touching them.

“This is hard on me, Hoseok,” the low voice whispered against his mouth, almost burning with the heat the air emitted.   
  
“Do you want me to stop?” he whispered, still keeping his eyes shut and closing his fingers around the edge of the kitchen counter.

“No.” The answer was immediate, like the opposite action would have been even worse for the beautiful man, hands appearing at Hoseok’s sides and grabbing the fabric of his shirt. “I just don’t want to hurt you again.”   
  
“Pain is very subjective, Hyungwon. I want you to touch me. Please.” He licked over his lips, touching Hyungwon’s in the process and almost burning from the incredible tension he had created just by closing his eyes.   
  
“I will keep them closed until you tell me to open them,” Hoseok whispered and curled his arms around the slim waist, warmth seeping through the thin fabric, something that seemed like silk.

There was an almost silent hum in response as the fingers at his sides began moving, one arm curling properly around his waist as the other travelled upwards, over his chest and collarbone to the sensitive skin of his neck, fingertips like small candle flames that danced over his cheek. Hyungwon pulled their bodies flush, inhaling deeply and licking over his lips once, chest warming up pleasantly instead of the light but bearable burn. His body reacted immediately, finding the plump lips and licking inside the warmth, sensation even more intense with how he was able to perceive with no visual impressions. It burned a little but it felt right.

The fingertips that were barely touching his cheek buried themselves in his hair, pulling as Hyungwon tilted his head to deepen the kiss, reacting immediately to his initiation and licking inside his mouth. It was like he had done something that the other man responded to, actions turning a little rougher and more urgent. He pressed the slim body flush, settling between the spread legs and leaning in further. His right hand travelled along the beautifully curved spine and intertwined with the silky strands of Hyungwon’s hair, raking through it and pulling a little.

The lean thighs tightened around his body as if the beautiful man didn’t want to let him go, ankles crossing behind him. The pressure of the hot touches increased just like the pulling at his hair, fingers burying themselves in his side and hip bone. Hyungwon deepened the kiss further, parting his lips fully and drawing a sharp breath whenever their tongues met. The intensity was overwhelming.   
  
Being close to Hyungwon only reminded him of how much he had missed the other man, his hot fingertips leaving burning trails along his sensitive skin and the way the pink-haired man let go, not caring about whether he would hurt him.   
  
_ He doesn’t care. It’s nice like this. _ __  
__  
His hands settled on the other man’s lower back, pressing his body firmly against his hips, a low moan leaving his lips at the action. The slim body in his arms tensed for a second before relaxing again, hands scratching over his skin without hurting and pulling his hips close, motivating him to repeat the motion. Complying immediately Hoseok nibbled on the full lip softly, while rolling his hips smoothly, the movement automatic and natural.

Suddenly the grip turned painful, but not enough to break his skin. Hyungwon pulled him back roughly as harsh breaths left the plump lips, faces still close enough to feel how the air tickled his cheeks. The reflex to open his eyes was immediate but he still kept them closed, exhaling harshly. He wondered what happened and what Hyungwon’s reaction looked like, only the incredibly fast heartbeat burning against his fingertips and the harsh exhales indicating what the other man must’ve felt.    
  
_ And you don’t know what it means. It could mean anything. _

“Don’t look,” the other man warned suddenly, voice much lower than it had been before. The crazily hot hands returned to his hips, grip rougher somehow and less prone to touch as Hyungwon simply left them there and inhaled again. A few more seconds passed before the plump lips touched his, but without parting.   
  
“I told you I won’t,” Hoseok murmured against the hot, wet mouth, pulsating against his lips and so incredibly tempting. He let his tongue slide over the smooth surface once, exhaling sharply right after. The tension was almost unbearable.

“You will exert yourself,” the low voice whispered against his lips before parting. The warm tongue licked over the shell of his ear, sucking on his earlobe briefly, a pleasant warmth returning to his chest and filling it out, indescribable sensation spreading through his body. “But your scent is to die for when I’m like this, like I can taste it on my tongue without even touching you.”   
  
“Then taste it, but I still want you to touch me,” Hoseok murmured and pressed his lips against the hot skin that smelled like pine woods. There was hesitation as Hyungwon stroked along his waist and over his ribs with his thumb, digging between the single bones a little as he licked a line from Hoseok’s ear to his collarbone, placing a kiss to his lips right after.

“You don’t want me to taste it, trust me. Not really. You already drown me with it and it’s difficult to hold back but you resist when I take it, so you don’t want me to force it out of you, Hoseok.” It felt strange how different Hyungwon’s voice seemed, nails appearing sharper as they slid over his back slowly.   
  
“Actually there’s a perfect reason as to why I don’t want you to take it forcefully, why I won’t let you.” It felt strange talking with his eyes closed and having no visual feedback to his words. The burning tongue licked along his jawline, moving downwards to the dip between his collarbones, waiting with the answer as the other man inhaled again.

“Namely?” he asked eventually, lips remaining attached to Hoseok’s neck as Hyungwon scratched along it with his teeth, licking over it with his tongue right after, resembling the flame of a candle. Talking was hard.   
  
“Isn’t the only reason you’re next to me the fact that I have it? If you’ll take it you won’t have any reason to stay close anymore. So I have to protect it even more, because I don’t want you to leave.” Hoseok gasped at the ministrations, fingers tightening on the other man’s sides.

“Your opinion might change as soon as you open your eyes,” the low voice exhaled against his throat, sucking his pale skin into the hot mouth, most likely leaving a mark just like the rather sharp canines that slid along his jugular.   
  
_ Arctic fox, huh? _ __  
__  
“Do you want me to open them?” he asked, throwing his head back to give Hyungwon more access.

“No.” The other man instantly took the opportunity to mark more of his skin, licking over the scratches he left and sucking at the transition between shoulder and neck, pulling a gasp from Hoseok’s lips. “You seem to really like this.”   
  
“You don’t?” Hoseok rolled his hips while biting into his lower lip at the friction. The movement was immediately met with a gasp from Hyungwon’s lips, not replying and acting instead, one arm sinking down to Hoseok’s hips, pulling them forward as the fingers of the other hand tugged at his hair, forcing him to throw his head further back.    
  
“So you do.” He repeated the motion, letting Hyungwon ravish his neck.

“It takes some of my ability to hold back so I am rather conflicted about it,” the low voice commented, lips spreading into a grin against his skin until they parted from his neck, hot palm sliding from his hair to his face, covering his eyes. “Give me a few seconds and then you can open them.”   
  
“Take your time, I already got used to it although it was weird at first,” he answered and held onto Hyungwon’s hips, breathing harshly at the pleasure soaking his perception of his own body.

“I have to admit I am not used to dealing with arousal,” Hyungwon remarked after a few seconds, removing the palm from his eyes and exhaling slowly, still close enough to allow Hoseok to feel the air brush against his face.   
  
“And I have to admit that I’m not used to dealing with 48 bi-armed chromosomes.” Hoseok opened his eyes slowly, light incredibly bright, before he focused on the light brown eyes, reflecting orange and pupils dilating once again. The change was sudden as they widened, genuine shock obvious on the beautiful facial features.

“What do you mean?” Hyungwon muttered, lips slowly pulling into a thin line.   
  
_ He really doesn’t want you to know. _   
  
“Life is exciting isn’t it?” He leaned in and placed a kiss against the tensed lips. The other man remained still, watching him intently as confusion spread further, cheek muscles tensing.

“I guess so, but how is that relevant?”   
  
“Don’t know, but it probably also doesn’t matter for you. It’s very calming to know that you have no access to my thoughts.” Hoseok smiled and leaned in pressing his forehead against Hyungwon’s slim shoulder.

“I wish I did,” the plump lips replied as a hand settled in his hair again, stroking over it. “You confuse me, Hoseok.”   
  
“It’s because you have expectations and I don’t. You don’t confuse me, you just fascinate me, I like you.” He closed his eyes again and sucked in the fresh fragrance of pine woods and mountain air. Hyungwon kept embracing him, hand remaining in motion as the pink-haired man inhaled his scent deeply.

“It’s like wanting to be close to the knife that cuts you, Hoseok. You’re the first person that genuinely wants to be close without me influencing them. I have difficulty comprehending it, your deviance in behaviour. But it’s fascinating too.” There was a smile spreading the plump lips, pupils rearranging again each time the tall man inhaled his scent.   
  
_ Why does he care whether you’ll get cut by the knife or not? _ __  
__  
“It’s no fun if you try to force me. Like this on the other hand-,” he murmured and licked over the deliciously smooth skin of Hyungwon’s neck, feeling how the heart-rate went back towards the 130 bpm slowly.

“Like this I keep- it’s complicated.” There was a sigh as the muscles relaxed and the beautiful man closed his eyes, pressing Hoseok closer. “You gave less than last time, but you will still be exhausted, so take a break Hoseok. You have a shift tomorrow and you will need the strength for that.”   
  
_ Now he also knows your work schedule. _ __  
__  
“Fine, come over on Friday then, I’m having a free weekend and can rest for 70 hours, so you can eat me,” Hoseok commented, low chuckle leaving his lips right after.

“You’re simply mental, I give up,” Hyungwon muttered, letting go of his skin and putting some distance between them, motions smooth as they always were. Pushing Hoseok away with the help of his legs he slipped down from the counter and filled his previous glass of water again, emptying it in record time. “You have no idea what you are joking about and still you just go through life all happy go lucky while deep inside there are these terrifying thought patterns. What the hell happened to you to think like that, Hoseok?” There was another break as the pink tongue left the slightly parted lips, licking over the plump mouth before disappearing. “What do you expect of me, Hoseok?”   
  
He leaned against the counter and threw his head back, staring at the ceiling for a couple of seconds before answering.   
  
“Why do you think that I’m joking? My thinking patterns are not terrifying, they are just there and it’s okay like this. What happened to me? I had cancer, nasty one, let’s say I basically died thrice during the treatment, it has been a wild ride. What I expect of you? To not like me. Anymore questions? You seem to have a lot considering that you never answer mine.” He sighed and tried to remember when exactly his diagnosis date was, familiar number simply blurry and not coming to his mind no matter how hard he thought about it.   
  
_ It shouldn’t be like this, you start forgetting, it sucks. _

The big eyes widened even further, orange hue more obvious with the way the kitchen light fell on the other man’s face.

“I thought that you were joking because nobody in their right mind would want to be eaten. There is something as simple as a survival instinct, Hoseok, forcing you to fight for life despite everything else, you should know that better than a lot of other people.” Teeth settled on the full lip as the pink-haired man visibly thought about what to say. “It’s impressive that you survived. I guess I can calm you down, I have never felt affection towards- towards other people. I can’t answer your questions because it would be beyond your realm of comprehension. People get terrified by things they don’t know. Not sure how relevant this is, but we are talking about the same race that burned women for being attractive, believing they were witches, enslaved a whole nation based on their skin colour and killed another for having a different religion.”   
  
“I didn’t try burning you for being attractive, Mr. Fox, furthermore I don’t think you would really eat me. Why? Because you would’ve done it already with that strength of yours. There’s something different that you want and you can’t have it like this, so I’m fine. Why I think that makes sense? Because you don’t hold back, you don’t have any reason to, you don’t like me so why would you? Unless you need me to comply.” Hoseok focused his gaze on the handsome face, observing how the beautiful eyes and the golden skin created a mesmerizing picture together with the blood red lips. 

“You’re wrong. The proximity makes it difficult, Hoseok. I can’t just go around and do whatever I want, there are certain rules that I have to abide by, so of course I am holding back.” The long fingers of Hyungwon’s right hand curled into a fist, muscles tensing and hinting at the other man digging his nails into his own palm. “There is one thing you don’t understand. I ripped open your thigh. If I wasn’t holding back I would have already ripped you to pieces.” The light brown eyes settled on him, intensity of the gaze almost overwhelming. “You’re playing with fire.”

“I know.” He pushed himself away from the counter and stepped closer until there were only a couple of centimetres between them. Holding the impossibly intense gaze, he licked over his lips slowly.

_ He can probably rip you into pieces. He can, but he doesn't. _

“Why are you holding back?” 

“Because I don’t want to be the reason for your death, Hoseok,” the low voice replied quietly as Hyungwon continued staring at him, eyes big and cat-like pupils widening. “I don't care about death, it happens all the time, but I don't want to be the reason for it, not unconsciously.” There was a sigh as the pink-haired man brushed one hand through his hair roughly while the other remained in a tight fist. The grip appeared painful. 

“Thank you, thank you for holding back then,” he whispered and curled his arms around the other man's body, closing the distance and parting Hyungwon's plump lips with his tongue. The other man tensed at the sudden action, hands gripping his body tightly before relaxing a little. 

“And still you confront me with the proximity,” the pink-haired man whispered against his mouth, but it sounded amused. “You never learn, do you?”

Hoseok broke the kiss for a second, his gaze focused on the beautiful light brown eyes.

“You came here, Hyungwon. You must want it too, it's as simple as that.” Leaning back in he melted into the touch of the full lips and hot tongue while he let his hands roam over the other man's clothed back.

There was silence as Hyungwon kissed back, licking inside his mouth before he suddenly jerked, loud noise of a mobile phone filling the room, default ringtone. The model pushed Hoseok away by his hair and fumbled in his pocket for a second or two, phone strangely quiet although it was on sound. Picking up he introduced himself as usual, face pensive. 

The high pitched male voice on the other end was just as quiet, barely audible for Hoseok. He only heard something along the lines of shootings, underwear and several variations of sweet names including ‘honey’. It must have been Hyungwon's manager, calling at almost midnight.

“I know that the shoot is at 4AM, Max. I'll be there as always,” the tall man replied absentmindedly as soon as the excited man had finished talking and hung up, conversation kept to the bare minimum, just as Hoseok had guessed.

“Why were you worrying about my shift if you have to work in four hours? You should get some rest,” he commented and put more distance between their bodies.

Hyungwon laughed loudly at that before leaning forward and grabbing Hoseok chin with his index finger and thumb, grin in place.

“Because I'm not the one exhausting myself. Rather the opposite.” The index finger slipped lower, stroking along his neck as the pink-haired man examined his pale skin, big eyes jumping from spot to spot. “You should learn to care about yourself instead of me, doctor.”

“Thanks for your concern, Mr. Fox, but I'm fine. You also seem more concerned with my health than me.” He peeled the fingers from his chin and turned around walking towards the bathroom.

“Why the fuck are you calling me, Mr. Fox?” Hyungwon called after him, following silently and had he not spoken Hoseok would have been surprised by the sudden appearance of pink hair, blocking the entrance. 

Tilting his head a little he looked into the brown eyes, reflecting in a palette of orange.

“Well, because your DNA implies that you are one,” he commented nonchalantly and slipped into the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush and squeezing toothpaste on it.

_ He might really eat you after that one. _

There were about two seconds of silence until something moved on the right and he felt fingers curling around his wrist, pulling him away from the sink with force as his back hit the tiled wall, toothbrush falling to the ground and sound echoing in the room. The impact almost knocked the air completely out of his lungs. Pink blurred in front of his eyes as he felt the hot hands grab each of his own and hold them in place forcefully, light brown eyes right in front of his, staring at him.

“Whom else did you tell that fascinating hypothesis to?” Hyungwon hissed, voice similarly low as it had been when Hoseok had kept his eyes closed, melting into the touches and caresses the pink-haired man had gifted him with.

After coughing for half a minute at the force Hyungwon had used on him, he looked up.

“I never share my hypotheses. Plus I don't really like involving people into my personal life so sorry, I wasn't able and willing to discuss it further.”

There was something strange about the other man's right eye, like Hoseok was watching a projection that was placed over it that began being disrupted. The brown colour kept switching, turning a little lighter and darker at random intervals, disconcerting to look at.

_ Fuck, is he okay? _

“Why the fuck would you look at my DNA? Do I look like a fox to you, Hoseok?” Hyungwon growled, anger traceable in the way he squeezed Hoseok’s wrists to the wall, light brown eyes wide. There was still a change in colour present, like the eye couldn't decide which shade of brown it preferred, resembling disintegrating pixels on a computer screen. 

_ Does his eye colour change? Is this why you weren't supposed to look? _

Something inside him sparked and he closed his eyes while leaning his head back against the wall.

“Because I wanted to know whether you're ill, but the good news is that you're not. It's really pretty, your DNA I mean.” He whispered the last words, not fighting against the grip as it was basically pointless.

_ You might die if he decides that he doesn't need you. _

_ You might. _

He felt and heard the harsh breaths that left the other man's lips, rough and unfitting for someone at rest, even if he was angry. Hyungwon didn't reply as the grip around his wrists tightened some more, painful with the way pressure was applied to his bones.

“Why the fuck aren't you scared, Hoseok?” the low voice asked suddenly, less anger audible in the way the words were spoken.

Licking over his lips, he sighed, still keeping his eyes shut.

“Because it’s pointless. Fear is pointless, it doesn't give you anything, it just takes.”

“Tell me what you know,” Hyungwon exclaimed, ignoring his comment and keeping him in place, hot body pressing him further against the cold tiles.

Hoseok thought about whether he should lie, but decided against it, considering it not important for the outcome of his situation.

_ Either he'll kill you, or he won't. It's binary. Like everything else in life. _

“I'll give you a short summary. You have 48 bi-armed and two one armed chromosomes which makes you an arctic fox. The pink is not dyed, which makes you a pink arctic fox. You can smell where I am and what I do and you can move very fast if you want to. You use some kind of trick to make me attracted to you, not now but in the beginning and you can keep people away, like Changkyun. If you're with me you can hurt me accidentally, or not accidentally, like right now and there must be some energy flow or something similar, I don't understand any of it but it also doesn't really matter. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.” It was very strange to not see any reaction, but maybe it was better like this.

There was silence, not even the sound of harsh breaths like before as there was no hot air hitting his face, only the heat of the body that pressed against his and the painful grip on his wrists.

“If you make up your mind to rip me into pieces like promised, let me kiss you once before you do. That would be really nice,” he whispered against Hyungwon's face, somewhere in his proximity.

“You're crazy,” the low voice commented as he felt how the other man came closer, returning breaths almost like fire against the skin of his neck. “I would kiss you either way.”

The switch was sudden, in one moment there was only the perception of the hot body against him, thoughts clear and rational. But in the other the almost painful yearning returned that he had almost forgotten, forcing him to want to be close to the other man while his body resisted. It was painful with how close Hyungwon was, skin touching.

His chest started burning like liquid fire, spreading into his limbs and forcing him to open his eyes immediately.

The pink-haired man was staring at him, left eye showing the familiar light brown colour, pupils almost gone, thin line like that of a cat. But that wasn't what caught Hoseok’s immediate attention. It was the right eye, bright blue and resembling the colour of the summer sea and ice, only disrupted in the middle by a thin cat-like pupil.

_ It's him. The dream, it was him, Hoseok. You must've already met once. Fuck. _

Feeling how the burning travelled up to his neck and arms, he kept staring at the painfully familiar sight.

“So it was you. Long time no see,” he whispered and held in the pain for a couple of seconds more, the wish to push the hot body away absolutely overwhelming.

The differently coloured eyes widened at the comment before the lips spread into a grin, pointy canines catching Hoseok’s immediate attention. 

“Are you delirious already, Hoseok?” the pink-haired man whispered in return and leaned a little closer as the pain almost exploded in Hoseok’s chest. “Stop fighting, it'll just hurt more.”

_ 50 or the other 50. _

“Back then I must've not been tasty enough.” The words left his lips and he did the only thing he had wanted to do, but which Hyungwon didn't let him do. Closing the distance quickly, he pressed his mouth against the volcano that were the plump lips belonging to the man with the fox DNA, sliding his tongue in and concentrating on giving the most, however that was supposed to work. 

_ Dying while kissing is truly beautiful. _

It took about five seconds and his vision turned off, covering everything in darkness. 

_  
  


He woke up staring at the unfamiliar white ceiling, strange voices and familiar noises filling his consciousness. Short signals indicated that he was alive. 

_ The hospital. You're at the hospital. You're not dead. _

He turned around immediately, looking at the digits on the display that showed his blood oxygen levels. 

_ Two fucking days. You were knocked out for two days. _

_ But you're not dead and you know that it wasn't a dream. _

A sudden pain spread inside his chest, recollecting the episodes from his memory, the way the pink-haired man had looked at him, eyes different in colour and somehow strangely beautiful, reminding him of his dream.

_ It was him, there's no doubt. He didn't kiss you back then because you were dying. _

But the other man didn't seem to remember. Hoseok wanted to read what he had written about the dream in the the small diary he kept in the bottom drawer of his wardrobe to remember more clearly.

“He's awake,” he heard a nurse calling and saw his best friend running over from the corner of his eye.

“What the hell happened? Gosh- I'm so happy that I stole your second pair of apartment keys half a year ago.” Changkyun leaned in and checked his pupils with the small bright pocket lamp.

“What is an oncologist doing here, I don't think I have cancer. Or do I?” Hoseok smiled and let himself be checked. “I can't remember, must've hit my head,” he lied.

“You didn't, I checked. Your blood is fine too, your haemoglobin is a little low, but the blood transfusion did the job. Your wrists on the other hand, what did you do? Be happy that they're not broken, but there are a multitude of micro fractures, no surgeries for at least three weeks for you,” his best friend commented and sat down on a chair next to his bed.

“No idea, but it'll be fine. The thing with the inability to perform surgery sucks though.” 

_ What about him? What if you never see him again? _

His lungs clenched at the thought, and he closed his eyes, sadness filling out his perceptions completely. Hoseok wanted to see him again.

_ He tried to take what he wanted. Maybe he has gotten it finally, so he doesn't need you anymore. _

_ But you need him. _

_ What are you supposed to do now? _

_ Fuck. _  
  


***

 

_ He knows. _

The blurry mixture of a few humans, barely lit streets and his own legs shook in front of him, surroundings barely registering and not creating a whole, obliterating before his eyes. His feet stepped from one puddle to the next, water splashing to the sides and soaking his jeans, fabric sticking to his legs.

_ He knows what you are.  _

The water didn’t matter, nothing really did as Hyungwon ran, leaving the small residential apartment behind him, just like the body of the man that had been ready to give his life for a kiss.

_ The only thing he wanted was a kiss.  _

There was no real goal for him as his legs carried him as far as they could, scent impossible to trace with how much energy the selfless man had lost. The other's consciousness had slipped through Hyungwon’s fingers, taking away his skill to feel the radiating blue life force, to sense the sweet scent. There had been almost nothing left of the beautiful bright aura that constantly surrounded the mesmerizing black-haired man when Hyungwon had turned around and left, running away without further thought. Even if he tried to focus on it, to check whether Hoseok was still alive, there was absolutely nothing apart from the sound of his own breathing and the furious hammering of his heartbeat in his ears.

_ He shouldn't matter, because he knows about you. He needs to forget.  _

The sight of the black-haired man collapsing on the ground filled his mind instead of the old street lights, throwing large shadows on the cross walks. One of the broad collections of black colour was his own shadow, moving steadily, passing the old buildings and statues. It appeared to be an oddity, a being that didn't fit into everything else, sticking out like a sore thumb. 

_ You're not part of it, Hyungwon, you stand still while everything keeps moving. You're the oddity that doesn't belong.  _

No matter how much he forced himself to become one with his surroundings, to breathe in the cold air and focus on the wet streets, he only saw black hair on light brown parquet floor, blue light dissipating like the hottest part of a flame, sudden and without a warning. From one second during which their lips touched to the next it was gone. 

_ The flame is still there, in your chest. _

Hyungwon inhaled sharply. His body burned with the energy it had received, running not straining in the slightest and not enough to distract from his thoughts, warmth spreading out and remaining although he hadn't taken it forcefully. It had been given to him, like a present. 

_ A present before death. _

Hyungwon had wanted to take his memories and the other man had kissed him instead. Hoseok had drowned him in his life force and almost died at the lack of it.

_ You wanted to take his memories and he almost gave you his life.  _

His feet carried him continuously forward, cold beginning to seep through his clothes, like ice against the burning temperature of his skin. The burning in his chest only increased, energy overflowing and filling out his fingertips, almost bright blue in the way they appeared to him. It felt like the way was endless, no goal in mind until his feet suddenly stopped, big black door taking up most of his blurry vision, contours barely recognizable. 

_ Home. _

The energy was numbing, enough to rip his surroundings to shreds, to protect himself from anything that might have wanted to harm him. His thumb stroked slowly over his other fingers, feeling how energy buzzed under the surface, filling him up to the brim, but still not enough to change the facts, to take away knowledge without contact. 

It could have been perfect, taking his memories with the kiss, absorbing the bright blue energy with the bead and leaving a shell behind, one that wouldn't be able to reveal his secret, to call him a monster. 

_ He just leaned in, pouring his energy into you without allowing you to take it forcefully, almost killing himself. _

A shiver passed through Hyungwon’s body at the thought, hands reaching out for the heavy black door and almost ripping it apart with the force that he used. It was difficult to think clearly with how the thoughts and memories intermingled, sight unforgettable, dark brown eyes closed, curved lips leaning forward and the sudden explosion of energy, drowning him without the need to insert the bead.

He threw the door closed behind himself, falling to the ground, hands curling up in the soft texture of the dark brown carpet and breaths leaving his chest roughly at the returning thoughts.

_ He’s alive. He knows. _

His hands shivered as the thought materialized in his head. Consequences that hadn't been apparent began taking form, towering over him like unremovable obstacles, numbing his extraordinary senses, fingers digging into the soft skin of his palms. The other man knew, knew what he was. Hoseok knew that he wasn’t human and what he did, that he took from humans, that he wasn’t like them.

_ You’re a monster to them. You don't belong.  _

A sudden memory filled his head, small hand around his throat while the other held a thin knife directed at his left eye. Wide green eyes staring at him in fear and disgust, a potent mixture that had taken his naive beliefs about human kind. The mental images were perfect repetitions of his past, his memories always were. 

_ It will be the same, Hyungwon. It’s always the same. _

His breath hitched, no air entering his lungs as he forced himself to scramble to his feet, fingers bloody from the way he had used too much strength, marks clear on his palms. It didn’t hurt, for that he had too much energy, but it returned his mind to reality, to the facts he couldn't change.

_ They'll try to hurt you. _

Hyungwon ran through the hallway, blind to the artworks and objects that he treasured, only capable of formulating one coherent thought.

_ You need to leave. _

His hands were quick, easily finding the staircase to the basement, and opening the safely locked door. He almost ran to the black drawer, unlocking it with a small key, fingers shivering at the urgency. It only became worse at the sight of the passports, various fake identities that he had the possibility to choose from, to start a new life somewhere else, to let Chae Hyungwon the model die a premature death after erasing every trace.

_ But you can’t erase him. _

The documents slipped right past his fingertips, eyes widening at the inability to act, to do as he usually did, erase the traces and disappear, start anew among people that didn’t know him, didn’t know who or what he was and merely accepted the desire to be close to him.

_ But you can’t. He could reveal your secret, you can’t just leave. _

He sank to his knees, breaths leaving his nose quickly, thoughts fighting inside his head, possible actions that he could have followed but that didn’t solve his situation. None of them were good enough, none of them provided a solution.

_ You should have killed him. _

He hadn’t been able to. The black-haired man had resisted the unbearable pain, almost collapsing at the sensation alone, energy seeping out of the broad body, filling the air without allowing Hyungwon to take it. The fight had been pointless, only a small obstacle before he would have been able to kiss the doctor and take the rest of his energy, leaving only enough to survive but erasing everything that he knew and remembered. It would have been the best solution, leaving Hyungwon alone with the knowledge of who he was, safe and sound. But he had been naive enough to believe that he could predict Hoseok, know what the other man would do. He didn’t.

The black-haired man had fought the beckoning, wasting his strength while trying to protect it, only to decide to throw it all out of the window. He had kissed Hyungwon willingly, sacrificing the rest of his life force, losing consciousness right after. 

There had been nothing Hyungwon could have done, the other man had decided himself. He had kept Hyungwon from acting and saved his own life, at the risk of ending it. It was incomprehensible

_ His sense of self-preservation is stronger than you thought. _

Digging his fingers into his palms Hyungwon inhaled sharply, still unable to feel Hoseok. There was just nothing, blackness apart from the energy in his close proximity, the small amounts that the paintings still contained. Biting down on his lower lip he tried to understand what could have motivated the black-haired man to act the way he did, to close his eyes and request a kiss before his death.

_ As if he was fine with it, accepting it and only wishing for a kiss before parting. _

Hyungwon stood up, unable to solve the situation and unable to leave as he had wanted to, closing the familiar drawer and leaving the basement, heartbeat still pulsating in his ears.

_ You won't be able to stop him. _

The thought evoked fear, crippling human emotion that contracted the muscles in his body and let them burn from the strain, lungs almost setting him ablaze from the inside. There was nothing he could have done apart from staying away from the other man, fight the awareness of the sweet scent that would return and hope that he would forget, believe that everything had been a dream, an unrealistic one. 

_ But he saw you before, Hyungwon. _

Hoseok had recognized him, muttering something that had resembled recognition, recognition of Hyungwon’s non-human form. It had been something the other couldn’t have known, an impossible deja vu.  
  
_ You never show anybody, how could he know? _

Hyungwon bit his lip painfully, unable to comprehend why the other man would believe to have seen him. There was no way that it was thought up, Hoseok had been too genuinely shocked, eyes widening. It must have been a dream, an encounter with Hyungwon that remained unsatisfactory because the black-haired man hadn't received the kiss on the end. 

_ You appear in the dreams of those with emotional attachment, something that the human cannot forget. _

Was Hoseok unable to let go? But why of him? If they had met before, why didn't Hyungwon remember? He knew the energy of every person he had ever encountered and had a taste of, even those he had been close enough to, to decide against it. 

_ Is there anything he is attached to? That carries meaning? _

His memories carried him to the small notebook he had taken away from the other man, safely stored in a drawer in his hallway, an item he had been curious about, wondering whether Hoseok would miss it after its disappearance.

_ You didn’t intend on reading it before but maybe you should. _

Making his way to the hallway he curled his wrist, feeling how the skin on his palms closed up, easily investing the mass of energy he possessed, each closing wound barely perceivable. As soon as he found the small book he placed it on his palm carefully, opening it and staring at the first page, fingers shaking in anticipation. 

_ Maybe you will finally understand.  _

_ ‘14.04.2017 _

_ I should've thought about it when I had the dream for the first time. It seemed so real. He did. _

_ His hair was light, pink like cherry blossoms, framing his beautifully golden skin and the big, full lips, one eye almost orange whereas the other one was an ice blue, like you can see in husky dogs, pupils like long slits cutting the iris in the middle. I wanted to kiss him so badly I really did, the appearance didn't matter, neither did the incredible strength the beautiful man used or his mocking smile with the sharp incisor teeth telling me I wasn't worthy because I would die soon. _

_ Worthy.  _

_ The dream comes once in a while evoking a lot of thoughts and the unbearable longing for the kiss I've never received. Is someone only worthy as long as he lives, or is someone only worthy because of the possibility of death? Living once while making decisions and knowing that there's no going back, stupid and incredibly brave at the same time, ignoring death which is always there beside you. _

_ I don't know how the pink-haired being had known about my condition, but maybe, deep inside I had already known that I was dying.  _

_ That I am dying.’  _

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the words, discomfort spreading at the deep awareness of death Hoseok seemed to possess. It was as if the man could see it walking next to him, waiting to place its heavy hand on his shoulder and take his awareness, sudden and forceful just like their last shared kiss had been. 

_ You met him before. But his life force was different.  _

Inhaling deeply and shutting his eyes he could feel the memory at his fingertips, looking for a source of energy at a club. The bright energy of the muscular man had been easy to identify but it had been less sweet than it was now, but just as forceful. A quick look had been sufficient to catch Hyungwon's interest, body immediately moving closer, luring the black-haired man in and brushing their lips together. The disappointment had been sudden as he felt how tainted the energy was, infused with the same black that tears covered it with, useless to him and a danger to the other man. Had Hyungwon taken his energy back then the other man might have died earlier, tainted energy remaining to waste the healthy one. 

_ His energy was different.  _

Hoseok had been dying back then. 

Licking over his lips quickly Hyungwon glanced back at the notebook in his hand, turning a few pages further and reading on, attempting to understand the other man, to see why he continuously grabbed death’s hand in his path through life.

‘ _ 18.07.2017 _

_ Isn't death the reason why we should love life? Living is so beautiful when you know that it's not forever, it puts you and your experiences, your feelings and fears into perspective. It gives you the reason to cherish it, supplying the missing link and closing the circle. I'm not scared, not at all. When you know that there's death you understand that fear is pointless. _

_ Besides when it's not your own fear. _

_ My mother had been crying, alone in the bathroom, thinking I didn't know. She doesn't want me to die and she is scared to see me leave just like that, helpless and unable to do anything about it. It hurts because I am not able to do anything either.  _

_ Besides fighting to stay a tiny bit longer.  _

_ Just a little bit.’ _

Dread spread through Hyungwon's lungs, taking up all the space and using it to choke him, to tie itself through the tissue like tiny ropes that couldn't be found and only tightened with each passing second, reducing the air entering his body. 

_ Maybe that's what dying feels like, slow and there is nothing one could do. _

He didn't know. He couldn't die. It was the reason for staying in place while the world moved around him, people changing and developing, aging, building up valuable experiences until everything finally came to an end. There was no such thing as an end for Hyungwon. It was just an endless path, like standing in the middle of the desert while sand moved around you, brushing your skin and even painful at times when the wind was strong enough. But it was never enough to stay, to bruise enough to leave a mark. Time erased everything and Hyungwon merely waited for it to do so. 

_ He is going to die on his own and everything will return to the way it was before, Hyungwon. _

There was no need to erase the black-haired man, to take his memories and the knowledge he could leave behind. Time was going to do that for him, viscous and without consideration as it always was.

Time was much scarier than death, a constant companion.

_ Everything will return to the way it was.  _

Maybe it was alright to let the sand brush over his skin for a tiny bit longer. 

Just a little bit. 

_  
  


The sweetness filled his nose suddenly as he inhaled, scent like a rush that travelled through his body and tingled in his fingertips. His eyes opened immediately, familiar ceiling and furniture taking up his visual field, instead of the awareness of everything around him.

It was strange to not have to pull the energy out of his surroundings, vision and senses focused, only concentrated on his home and the strength that resided in his paintings.

_ It’s because of him. _

Hyungwon jumped up from his bed, inhaling deeply and easily identifying the figure that stood in front of his door, bright blue life force almost traceable with his tongue, that’s how close it was.

_ He found you. _

Hyungwon had avoided the black-haired man successfully, focusing on his work and keeping the awareness of the other man’s strength, energy and occupation at bay, drowning himself in other energy sources instead, humans that were meaningless and irrelevant to his life. Humans without knowledge about him and his ways, safe to interact with. Hyungwon had invested immense amounts of strength into keeping Hoseok away, to let time draw its course.

_ Only to have him find you and come all by himself. _

His nails were sharp and so were his senses, kept at their natural state when he slept instead of the fake mask he put on for humanity. His golden skin was uncovered as it always was when he slept, shimmering in the small rays of moonlight that entered through his window. Hyungwon grabbed a bathrobe made of black silk from his wardrobe, not used to visitors in his home. He tied the thin belt smoothly around his waist.

Focusing his energy into creating the thin film of deception he closed his eyes, feeling how the sharpness disappeared and his senses reduced in their strength. Only the heavy sweet scent served as a reminder of how intense they could be.

His steps were silent as he moved through the hallway, vision absolutely clear despite the darkness. There was no need for light. Arriving at the heavy black door he inhaled again, body reacting instantly to the proximity of the other man, the wish to bask in the energy he had forcefully avoided almost numbing.

_ Why did he come? You tried to kill him. _

His fingers curled around the door handle, pressing it down and opening the heavy black wood with one smooth motion, eyes immediately focusing on the figure in front of him.

Hoseok had been leaning against the doorframe while his dark-brown eyes looked at him with interest.

“Oh hey there, Hyungwon,” his unwanted guest said quietly.

_ So nonchalant although he must have invested immense resources just to find you. _

“I see you recovered,” Hyungwon merely replied, eyes moving over the other man’s body, examining the blue shimmer that was brighter than ever, resembling the almost turquoise hue of the sea.

“Yes, actually I'm feeling exceptionally well so I thought visiting you might be a good idea.” A smile spread Hoseok’s cheeks.

“I see.” Hyungwon had never allowed a human to enter his private home, for that there were too many relevant artifacts and meaningful objects, not comprehensible to the ignorant race. Paintings that were long believed to be lost, photographs, parts of history that only he knew.

There had never been a reason to allow anybody in and he was planning on keeping it that way, discomfort spreading at the possibility of the paintings absorbing the bright energy and torturing him with its sweetness. It would be impossible to extract it, closed into the paint and frame forever. “My address isn’t registered anywhere. You must have been particularly illegal about this.”

“Sure, I realized that being a nice and competent doctor doesn't help when it comes to you so I had to take it a little further, I hope you're proud of me.” Hoseok stepped closer tilting his head a little.

_ He won’t back off, will he? _

Hyungwon felt how the bead reacted instantly to how close they were, scent enveloping him despite holding his breath. It was as if his body knew that he had been avoiding the other man, forcing him closer and not allowing the bead to feed on what it wanted.

“Why are you here?” he asked, clenching his teeth and curling his left hand into a fist as he leaned against the door frame with the other, blocking the entry. “Shouldn’t you stay as far away as possible after what happened?”

“I got my kiss and I didn't die, life is absolutely terrific. There are two things that you have, something that belongs to me and something that I want. It might or might not be the same thing.” Hoseok grinned and stepped even closer, leaving less than ten centimetres distance between their bodies.

_ The diary. He knows you have the diary. _

Hyungwon smiled, focusing his eyes on the other man’s dark brown ones, pleasantly surprised at having identified an object of value, something that Hoseok had invested immense effort into finding. And writing.

_ It’s perfect for your collection. _

“You’re playing with fire, Hoseok. I hope you know that,” he whispered as a corner of his mouth lifted higher, turning the smile into a smirk. “That kiss could have killed you, but I have already realized that you seem to have a particular relationship with death, one that does not involve fear or avoidance.”

“I love fire. Don't act as if you know why I kissed you, you have no fucking idea.” Something sparked in the other man's eyes, as his curled lips came closer, exhaling against his mouth. “And now you should give me what I want.”

Hyungwon’s eyes narrowed, bead reacting to the proximity and forcing him to hold his breath again, senses overreacting although he had been closer before. There was no way that he could have misinterpreted the other man’s actions. The kiss had been something inherent to the black-haired man, a wish that Hyungwon couldn’t quite comprehend but that connected the avoidance towards getting close to other people and the strange ambivalence towards death that Hoseok possessed.

“Why would I give you what you want, Hoseok?” he asked quietly, feeling how he had to invest more strength into keeping up the fake picture of humanity, nails digging into his own palm and bead sliding upwards, wishing for more energy, be it forcefully or willingly.

The black-haired man lifted his pale hand and stroked along his cheek and lips, tracing the form with his index finger. 

“Because it doesn't matter to you, whereas to me it does. A lot.” The feeling of cool lips touching his own appeared suddenly while Hoseok’s eyes closed at the touch.

_ He doesn’t stay away, even though he almost died. _

Hyungwon hissed at the touch, feeling the thin threads of deception slipping away from him as blood trickled down his left palm, right one remaining at the door frame. The energy that passed his lips, absorbed by the bead was sweet, just like the scent, calming the yearning he had felt over the past weeks although it wasn’t nearly enough. Feeling how the muscular arms curled around his body, Hyungwon perceived Hoseok's breath tickling his skin, pattern irregular.

_ Giving does something to him, it’s not negative. _

He breathed in, breaking the paralysis of his lungs, allowing himself to taste the light blue on his lips, to take in the scent, let it envelop him.

“What do you want?” Hyungwon whispered against the cool lips and lifted his hand that had remained on the door frame and curled it around the other man’s shoulder instead, pressing him closer as he licked over the curved lips, establishing a circle of blue light, returning bits.

“You. I want you.” The answer was a whisper while the other man's body had come even closer, cool palms roaming over his back.

_ He wants you. The one thing you can’t give him. _

“You’ll stop,” he murmured, pulling the broad body against himself opposed to his words, knowing that he should have pushed him away, told him to leave instead of basking in the energy that was given to him freely, like a present although he hadn’t done anything to receive it. It was overwhelming, addicting and pleasant, uncomparable to the bland power and neutrality that taking someone’s life force felt like. He wanted it. “Time overcomes everything, Hoseok, even your irrational wish for something that could kill you.”

_ Just bask in the feeling of the sand leaving a few marks while they last, they’ll fade. _

“I don't want to die, I want you.” Gasping the words against his lips Hoseok parted them with his tongue and deepened the kiss. 

Hyungwon hissed at the action, energy surrounding him fully as he inhaled with deep breaths and met the cool tongue with his own, drowning in the perceptions of the kiss as his left fist slowly unclenched, sensation of red liquid trickling down becoming less prominent.

_ He wants this, to give to you without receiving anything in return. _

His right hand stroked over the broad back, tracing the muscles and the thin webs of strength that lay below it, covering the contours and showing how much energy Hoseok possessed, life force that he gave away just like that, to the people around him, to the air, to Hyungwon. Closing his eyes and tightening his grip around the other man he stepped back, pulling the broad body with him and closing the heavy black door, surrounding them with absolute darkness.

_ Human affection is irrational, a yearning despite all the repercussions. _

Strong, pale hands travelled all over his body, slipping under his robe and leaving icy trails along his collarbones and chest. Hoseok's wet lips sucked on his skin and probably left marks on his neck, dissipating into nothing after a couple of seconds.

_ Nothing is permanent with you apart from your life. _

“I’ve never been in a situation like this, Hoseok, what do you expect from me? You’re crazy for coming here. You know too much,” Hyungwon muttered, hand sinking into the soft black strands, pulling forcefully to break the lips from his skin, looking at the pale face. He didn’t need light to see the expression, clear as day to him.

_ It’s pitch dark, he can’t see at all. _

“Sitting inside my apartment while being healthy and full of energy sucks in comparison to being next to you like this, even if I faint. Don't try to stay away from me.” Hoseok's bodily reactions were obvious, as if the muscles had only existed to press Hyungwon closer, to let the fingers travel along his spine and lips only to kiss him. It was easy to tell how the body in his arms responded to the caresses, arousal prominent despite losing strength with each touch that he placed against Hyungwon’s hot skin.

“You want me to take it from you?” he asked, voice disbelieving and still observing the handsome face, enjoying the way the other man couldn’t see him in return. “You enjoy this. Why?”

“You don't need to know why, it'll be pointless to you.” The other man's strong fingers settled in his hair, pulling a little accompanied by his cool lips and tongue sliding over the hot skin of his neck. The feeling was beyond pleasant, eyes closing at the prickling cold perceptions, an unfamiliar sound leaving his lips. It was beyond a gasp as his eyes closed again. Hyungwon leaned back against the white wall he knew was there, head resting against it as the cold hand slipped lower, curling into the pink strands right above his neck.

_ You can’t stay aware of your human form like this, the bead will just take over. _

The silk robe loosened around him and Hoseok's clothed body pressed him further into the wall while the other man moaned against his skin. The closeness was overwhelming, blue light illuminating their faces, but not for the other man, only for Hyungwon, aware of the way it flowed past the barrier of their bodies, absorbing into his own.

_ Give back. _

The thought was sudden, a possibility to fight his fading awareness, the unfamiliarity with the way his body reacted, never seeing a point in being close to a human. There was a law, one he had kept just like his secret.

_ Humans find out when you get too close. _

But Hoseok knew already, he had seen his eyes, felt his strength. Inhaling deeply Hyungwon pulled the other man away from his neck, closing the distance between their lips and licking into the cool mouth, left hand digging into the fabric of the white t-shirt, almost ripping it with the strength he applied unintentionally. Staining the piece of clothing with the blood that had remained on his palm he bit down on the curved lower lip, enjoying the sounds it evoked.

“You make me feel all kinds of things,” Hoseok muttered, tracing the curves of his hips and lower back and moaning at the depth of their kiss. The other man’s arousal was pressing into his hip, an obvious sensation just like the sounds that kept entering his ears. 

Drawing a deep breath his senses blurred again at the sweet scent, energy constantly filling him up to the brim, causing the bead to move forward. The threads of his illusion kept getting thinner and thinner, almost slipping past his fingers as he felt how his nails broke the pale skin, leaving thin red lines on the broad back, scent of blood instantly filling his nose. He gasped, feeling his human form slip away, eyes closing and senses intensifying, scent breathtaking just like each cool touch to his skin.

“You break my composure,” he hissed, letting his nails draw a path from the broad shoulders along the spine, energy slipping past the skin and along his fingertips, pleasant just like the human touches. It felt unfamiliar but so much more pleasing than taking energy forcefully, body adapting to the sensations easily as if he was always meant to act accordingly, embrace and kiss another human. He opened his eyes, to see the impact the actions had on the beautiful black-haired man.

The other breathed heavily and rolled his hips once before his attention focused on Hyungwon’s face and he hissed.

“Your eyes- they're breathtakingly beautiful, holy shit.” The curved lips parted in awe before clashing against his mouth with unknown intensity.

Kissing back he pulled at the hair painfully to separate them again.

“Aren’t you scared?” Hyungwon asked, voice lower as it always was when he returned to his normal form. It was fascinating how much easier it was to control his strength when he was himself, hands gripping the pale skin without hurting it too much, just enough to evoke a moan or a pleasant hiss. He curled both of his arms around Hoseok’s waist and pressed their lower bodies together, enjoying the way it felt, pleasure soaring through him at the touch, adding energy to the contact.

“Not at all, just mesmerized-” The sentence was interrupted by a low moan as he felt Hoseok's cool fingers tightening around his sides.

“You’re fascinating,” Hyungwon murmured before lifting the other man up, unwilling to pull him through the darkness of his apartment by the wrist and too focused on being close. Moving quickly, barely a second passing, he threw the cool body on his bed, enjoying the way the other man looked in the moonlight, pale skin reflecting the silver-white colour. “And beautiful.”

“So are you. Come here.” Hoseok pulled at the seam of his shirt, throwing it to the side, before he stretched out both of his pale and muscular arms, waiting for him to comply.

Hyungwon couldn’t help the small smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth, wish to touch the other man almost surreal with how it pulled him even without the desire to come close himself. Crawling on top of the bed he let the cool arms envelop him, leaning over the handsome man and closing the distance between their lips, returning some of the energy he had received by kissing and creating a circle again. Hoseok had already lost a considerable amount, enough to not be able to keep up the giving for much longer and Hyungwon didn’t want it to end yet.

_ You’re not doing it for him, so it’s alright. Just give him some of it back. _

The beautiful man kissed back, pulling the silk robe down his shoulders in a smooth movement and hissing at the feeling, cool palms immediately travelling over his naked body accompanied by small moans easily caught by his mouth. It was fascinating how intensely the muscular body below him reacted to the the influx of energy in combination with the hot touches. The difference in their body temperatures was only a few degrees, but it was enough to make him hiss each time the cool fingers passed over the sensitive skin of his sides and neck. Hyungwon loved it, adding more, biting into the curved lower lip and digging his fingers into the left shoulder, leaving marks, faint scent of blood entering his nose again.

“Fuck, I love it,” Hoseok moaned at the sensation and lifted his upper body while his lips went towards Hyungwon's neck, licking and sucking on the hot skin while his hips shifted under Hyungwon’s ass. The sensation was unfamiliar but he enjoyed it, breathing heavily and closing his eyes at the pleasant mixture of pleasure and pain at his neck. It was a perfect combination, more so than his usual escapades.

He listened intently to the way the black-haired man responded as he shifted his hips purposefully, attentive to the other man’s arousal and enjoying the loss of awareness and rationality that seemed to accompany pleasure for him.

“I like how you react, drowning in pleasure,” he murmured lowly and tightened his grip in the sheets and on the pale shoulder.

“Will you let me touch you? I really want to,” Hoseok whispered next to his ear lobe after nibbling on it and exhaling cool air against his cheek. Hyungwon used his right palm to press the other man back down to the mattress, examining his face carefully. The question was vague, it could have meant anything, but if it entailed receiving more energy and the pleasant sensations that were already coursing through him he didn’t see why not.

“Fine,” he said carefully, brushing a sweaty strand from the pale forehead.

“Lie down on your back.” The black-haired man lifted himself up and pointed at a spot next to him. It was difficult to suppress the way his eyes narrowed. He never just trusted requests like that, but there was nothing that the muscular man could have done to him, Hyungwon was stronger.

_ He’s human and more likely to hurt himself than you. _

Inhaling again, eyes closing shortly at the numbing sweetness Hyungwon turned around and let his pink hair hit the soft pillow of his bed, sensation pleasant. Muscular thighs straddled his lap and Hoseok leaned closer and licked over his collarbones and sucked on a nipple, naked torso and flexing muscles incredibly pleasant to look at. 

Hyungwon enjoyed the sight so he kept his eyes open, watching the flow of energy and the way it filled him out. Examining the muscular body above him, it was easy to see how aroused he was, pink colour spreading over the other's chest and face, so different from the usual paleness. A prominent erection was straining against the fabric of the blue jeans Hoseok was wearing.

“This feels nice,” Hyungwon remarked and focused on the way the curved lips closed around his skin, watching how each touch left a small mark, disappearing instantly with how much strength he possessed. The energy filled him up immediately as soon as he used it, each kiss like a wave of life force that hit him.

The cool, wet tongue travelled down his stomach until the other man settled between his legs and licked over his erection. His eyes widened instantly at the action, observing the way the sensation sent a spike of pleasure through his spine, legs jerking shortly.

_ He wants to be sexually close to you. _

Swallowing shortly Hyungwon fought the instant wish to pull the other man off, to act according to the inherent rule. There had always been a reason for the saying that the husband had to die before the wedding night.  
  
_ Because as soon as they get close enough they know what you are. _

He kept his hands at his sides, fingers fisting the sheets instead of the other man’s hair, aware that he might hurt him if he lost his senses. Hoseok was oblivious to his struggles, breathing air over the tip before taking his erection into his mouth completely while his pale hands curled around his hips. 

It was impossible to suppress a moan at the contact, lips parting as his eyes closed instantly, sound leaving his lips and hands tightening further and ripping the fabric a little with the force he applied. His thighs tensed with the offer to not pull them together, energy surrounding him like a thick fog as his senses held onto every little sensation, the coldness of Hoseok’s fingers on his hips, the sweet scent of the other man mixed with arousal, the intensity of the shimmering colour that the moonlight conjured upon the black-haired man.

Hoseok sucked on his length, humming and using his tongue to dig right where it sent sparks directly to his groin while he could watch how the brown eyes turned black and stared at him from between his legs.

Hyungwon bit his lower lip harshly, pain disappearing as quickly as it appeared with the constant flow of energy he received, pleasure numbing and forcing moans from his lips, shivers passing along his thighs as the sound of fabric ripping filled his ears. His hands had applied too much strength, sheets coming apart from the sharp claws.

“Fuck,” he cursed and forced himself to look, to combine the pleasure with the sight, to focus his senses and awareness of what the black-haired man was doing to him, pleasure only building up further, like a storm, slowly appearing until one single bolt of lightning was enough to start it, pouring down without mercy. Hyungwon didn't know how to deal with the feeling so he merely gave in, investing most of his strength into not moving. 

Hoseok was drowning him in energy while pleasing him with his curved lips, sucking intensifying and low moans sending shivers down his spine. The cold hands grabbed his hips and Hoseok slid down his whole length.

He moaned loudly, breaking the eye contact and throwing his head back instead, brushing over the soft pillow and only adding intense sensory input. His nails scratched over the sheets as he spread his legs instead of pulling them together, air stuck in his lungs. He was close to the bolt of lightning, storm just about to start. 

The black-haired man decided to give him exactly three seconds to breathe.

“Fuck, you're delicious beyond belief, groan for me.” The cool tongue dug into his slit and Hoseok sunk down once again, tip obviously hitting the back of the other man's throat, but he still continued. It must have been unpleasant but the reactions and the way the energy filled him out spoke against it.

It was difficult to keep track of his surroundings as the increasing pleasure took over, tingling in his fingertips, telling him to hold onto the beautiful body on top of him, to touch it, but he didn't.

_ You would just hurt him. _

He moaned again, louder this time as it seemed to be easier to bear the pressure, sounds leaving his lips more frequently and sensations slipping down along his legs, burning like fire through his blood.

“Fuck, don't you dare stop,” he growled as one hand left the ripped sheets and curled in the black hair, pushing the beautiful man down. The feeling reached a high, vision shutting off as everything turned black, feeling in his legs disappearing just like the sweet scent of the man on top him. It wasn't even a second until all of the sensations returned at once, like an explosion that took his breath away and forced a loud groan from his lips. The explosion was followed by energy, strong and plenty as it left his chest, bead giving it up at the stimulation and returning it to the black-haired man, some dissipating into the air. But there was no pain.

_ Why doesn't it feel like a loss? _

Hyungwon's eyes widened, awareness of his own body and surroundings reducing at the vanished energy. He relaxed his tense muscles, legs spreading further and fingers finally letting go of the black hair and the ripped sheets. Drawing a  deep breath to calm himself he stared at the other man, disbelieving of how the other had managed to rip so much energy from him at a mere sexual action, body burning pleasantly despite the sacrifice.

The other sucked up, swallowing and licking his lips right after.

“Shit, that was intense. You're so beautiful when you come.”

His heart was deafening in his ears with how quickly it pumped blood through his veins, chest constricting at the loss but not desiring to return it. It felt surreal, like he was watching himself through a glass wall, unable to influence his actions while the other man remained absolutely calm.

_ He knows what he did.  _

Closing his eyes for a few seconds Hyungwon pulled his body up just as he grabbed a fistful of the black hair. He brought Hoseok closer with force, staring at the almost black eyes, trying to comprehend if it was on purpose, if Hoseok attempted to return his strength, cheating Hyungwon into believing that giving was fine, pleasant even.

Licking over his lips he inhaled deeply, not breaking the eye contact for even a second. 

“Get the fuck out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 21th of June at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I will give you something valuable, as a goodbye present,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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_ You wanted to see Hyungwon, went with the excuse of wanting your cancer diary and ended up sucking off an arctic fox and getting thrown out right after. What's with your life, Hoseok?  _

_ At least he didn't try to kill you, great success. _

Hoseok lay in his bed thinking about the way the beautiful pink-haired being had looked, naked and moaning from pleasure. Fuck, it had been so mesmerizing, he wanted to see it again. And again. And again.

_ He won't let you. Something happened when he orgasmed, something that made it so fucking intense, something he liked but also something he didn't. _

Strangely he didn't feel exhausted at all, usually he would've collapsed after an interaction like that, even with an unusual amount of energy and a good body condition. 

_ Did he give it back?  _

He had no idea. What was Hyungwon even supposed to give back? It was all magical mumbo jumbo he didn't understand and it frustrated him so much, in addition to the fact that he also wasn't able to understand because Hyungwon didn't want to say anything, repeatedly pointing out that Hoseok knew too much and that he was playing with fire.

_ You do play with fire. If it’s with him. He probably thought that you'd kiss him back in the painting studio and shut the fuck up, but look at you. _

Shit, Hoseok was greedy. He wanted Hyungwon, he wanted him so badly but the other just told him that it’d fade. Genius.

_ Sure when you're dead would be the latest. _

_ But you don't want to die. _

_

 

‘Throwing a person out after getting a blowjob is not good hook up etiquette. Just like taking things without consent.’ 

Hoseok typed the message and sent it to the familiar number. If he was honest, he hated everything. He hadn't been able to work for two weeks already and the monotony started driving him nuts. He had wanted to visit Hyungwon again, but he needed a proper course of action, he couldn't just say whatever, go there and get his ass kicked.

_ He doesn't care about you, Hoseok, don't forget. He won't have pity left. _

His work mobile went off and he happily ran over, picking up and hoping for the permission to perform surgery, but the luck wasn't on his side and it happened to be his blonde friend from the genetics lab.

“I heard you're temporarily disabled so I thought I'd entertain you a little. So this fox hair, I think it's an artefact. When I tried to determine age it showed that the DNA must be way over two hundred years old, probably older but I can't tell. I'd need an archaeologist. Also fun fact about domesticated foxes, they're assholes and pee in your coffee when you’re not watching, so don't get one. And Hoseok, please take care of your wrist, you're a surgeon, that'll suck otherwise.” Hoseok could hear the smile from the other end of the line and he thanked his friend, hanging up.

_ 200 years? Is that why he didn't tell you his age?  _

_ Is that why he doesn't tell you anything? Because it's just crazy? _

_ Or because you're not worth it.  _

_ He told you, you're not worth it because you'll die anyway. _

His private phone buzzed with a Whatsapp message, short and not saying much as expected.

‘I thought we already agreed that etiquette does not apply to me. Why should I follow your rules?’

_ Peeing into your coffee, huh? Seems like it.  _

‘I really don't want to talk about things concerning your behaviour and perceptions over WhatsApp, weren't you all angry about me knowing? Why aren't you here yet? And bring my diary,’ he wrote back, imagining the way Hyungwon would read the text, considering his choice of words pathetic, just like him.

_ But he'll hopefully still come.  _

Hoseok didn’t have to wait long as not even a minute passed before his doorbell rang, almost causing him to drop his phone at the sudden noise. It was amazing that the other man still bothered with it instead of climbing through his window or something equally crazy.

_ Fuck. Just hope that he didn't think that you were trying to blackmail him or something.  _

Opening the door he leaned against the white wall and waited until the pink-haired being appeared on his doorstep, even faster than before, probably not bothering to hide his speed anymore.

Hyungwon looked up from the ground, staring as he stopped right in front of him, leaving only a few centimeters between their faces. The other man’s left palm rose and stopped flat against the door frame.

“So you want to talk about my behaviour and perceptions?” he hissed quietly, voice low.

“So you are mad. Sorry, I think it came out wrong, but thank you for coming anyway,” he replied, a smile spreading at the sight of the handsome but very dangerous looking face.

_ Beautiful. _

“I’m not angry, Hoseok,” Hyungwon commented and leaned back a little, eyes absolutely brown, not even the slightest hint of blue present. “You’ve seen what it looks like when I’m angry and this is not it. Why aren’t you doing surgery?”

_ Just tell him, he doesn't care anyway. _

“Because I have over fifteen micro fractures in my wrist bone. I'm waiting till it heals and my body is making it uselessly complicated.” He smiled at the fact that the other wasn't angry.

The large eyes widened immediately as Hyungwon grabbed his lower arm, visibly avoiding his wrist as the pink-haired being brought it in front of his face, examining it carefully, lower lip pulled into his mouth in thought.

“Shit,” he whispered suddenly and let go, watching Hoseok’s facial expressions but appearing uncomfortable. “I am sorry about that, although my anger was justified.”

“It wasn't, I was just honest with you although I knew that you'd get mad and I never tried to do anything bad to you.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. He thought about the night when Hyungwon had tried to justify why Hoseok had kissed him, not understanding anything. Which was fine.

_ What's the point even if he understood you? He doesn't have to. _

“I don’t think you comprehend the significance this has for me,” Hyungwon began and walked past him, pulling him into his own apartment by grabbing his upper arm and closing the door soundly. “Usually humans have a rather different response to knowledge like that than you do, involving various attempts to murder me, Hoseok. Nothing you have done could have been an estimate of how you would act with the knowledge, it’s dangerous to me and I don’t think you understand that.” There was a loud sigh as the pink-haired being let go of his arm and took off his leather jacket, throwing it on top of the coat hook on the wall.

_ Bad experience. During tens of years. Or hundreds. _

“How long have you been alive?”

The movement with which Hyungwon turned around was rough, light brown eyes immediately settling on his as they narrowed.

“Why do you make it sound like it was a long time?” the other asked carefully and brushed a hand through his hair. Hyungwon didn’t wait for an answer, making his way to the kitchen and filling a glass of water again before emptying it. He always did.

“I didn't try to find it out if that's what you're hinting at, the genetics lab told me they can only know whether it's over 200 years. It's ridiculous when I think about it, someone who lives and lives and me who waits until death will hit me.” Hoseok walked to the bedroom and let himself fall on the bed, contemplating life decisions.

_ That's like a joke. A very bitter one. _

There was absolutely no sound as usual but the mattress shifted below him, indicating that Hyungwon must have sat down next to him.

“A long time,” the low voice whispered, sound barely reaching his ears as if the pink-haired being didn’t really want him to hear. “It’s been a long time.”

“What does it feel like?” Hoseok asked, eyes closed and breathing in Hyungwon’s scent, hoping that it'd stay for a while longer on his sheets.

“Like everything is moving but you’re standing still, trying to keep up with learning new things, changing, but it still feels like you’re the one who stays behind.” Hoseok could feel how a hot palm touched his upper arm, sinking down until the long fingers intertwined with those of his hand, like solid fire to the touch.

“Is it because of something you can't change? Do you know when you will die? I mean- is there an estimate?” He fought the wish to kiss the long, hot fingers and bit down on his lower lip instead.

There was silence, stretching out indefinitely as Hyungwon brushed his thumb over the back of Hoseok’s palm, motion slow, only their breaths breaking the quiet.

_ There is none. He could be living forever. _

It didn't make sense and it also didn't really internalize properly, like a sentence without meaning.

“That's what I call a sad joke,” he whispered and sucked in a breath, suddenly realizing the reason for the other man not caring about him or anybody else.

_ Because you'll fade and he'll stay. _

“I can’t die, Hoseok,” the low voice murmured suddenly, deep breath accompanying the quiet that followed until he continued. “Even if I wanted to.”

“That's what I'm saying.” He chuckled, but it sounded bitter. “I have to think about it and what it must feel like because right now my brain is just laughing at me and my situation.” Throwing his head back he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.

“Hoseok?” Hyungwon called and reached for his chin with his free hand, turning Hoseok’s face towards himself, observing it carefully. “There is one thing I don’t understand about you. Why do you live like you are going to die tomorrow? There is nothing in your energy or your blood that signifies that, but still you live as if you are dying, like you were back then.”

_ He read it. _

“I'll give you a straight A for reading my dying thoughts. I'm living like that because I know. It's like seeing your pretty, differently coloured eyes once and trying to ignore it. I can't ignore it, I know that it's there, unpredictable and merciless. But it's only my way of living, others do it differently.” He kept staring at the mesmerizing eyes, contact incredibly intense.

“Most humans live like they cannot die, acting selfishly and not considering the effects of their decisions, doubting that the time of regret is going to hit them. You are the first one that is so aware of it, keeping death as a constant companion,” the pink-haired being commented and got a little closer, climbing onto the bed while keeping their hands intertwined. It was strangely intimate considering how the other man acted usually. “I find it fascinating because I cannot imagine what it’s like. I’ve seen it but I cannot apply it to myself.”

“It's fine, I also can't imagine how it must be, knowing that things won't end, that you won't end that it'll just continue endlessly. Now I understand why I thought you were the loneliness.” His lungs clenched all of a sudden after the words had left his mouth and he felt how tears formed in his eyes. “Because you are alone existing in space forever.”

_ Oh no, don't cry. _

“Are you-” The other man stopped talking, watching him intently as the light brown eyes widened. “Are you feeling sorry for me, Hoseok? Is that why you are crying?”

“I don't feel sorry, I just think that loneliness is something that is only bearable because it'll end eventually. Which it won't for you and that makes me sad,” he whispered, trying to turn away.

Hyungwon didn't let him, reaching out and turning his head back, wiping away the tears that formed, unreadable expression on his face.

“Loneliness isn’t what I am afraid of, it’s something I got used to. I’m not even sure I feel it. I am surrounded by people and I know they will fade, it’s like a fact, just like your own death for you.” The touch was tender, brushing over his pale skin and leaving warm traces just like the tears did. “Don’t cry, it’s tainted energy, absorbed into nothing and only exhausting you.”

“I feel better after it though. Mostly. You don't have to feel sad about it because I'll feel it for us both.” Hoseok tried to get his shit together by sucking in a long breath.

“You feel better because the energy is tainted and you body needs to get rid of it, but at the same time you are the one who taints it with your thoughts and actions, so if you don’t do it in the first place it’s better for you.” The large palm moved upwards, stroking over his hair as warmth filled him, calming even though it wasn’t comparable to kissing the pink-haired being. “There are much worse things than loneliness for me, Hoseok. Like being found out.”

“But you shouldn't care about whether I know or not. I never talk to anybody and most importantly, I'll die.” The sadness because of the possibility of Hyungwon disappearing because he had what he wanted returned full force.

The light brown eyes narrowed at the comment, grip in his hair getting a little tighter instead of careful caresses.

“Says the human who talked to a geneticist only a few minutes ago, discussing my age. The same human that meets exactly one person regularly but one that he is particularly close with. Every human has someone they talk to, Hoseok and depending on how much that other human likes to talk information like that can spread.” Hyungwon spoke quickly, like the thought made him uncomfortable, panic rising at the words alone. 

“Once enough people know about it, it will be the exact same thing, Hoseok. It’s always the same, panic, lack of understanding, genetic analyses are only the start. There are a lot of things one could experiment on, such as how long it takes for my skin to close once it gets cut. You have no idea what this means for me. You know what scares me? That because I cannot die if someone decides to hurt me it won’t end, because the next person will come around and do the exact same thing.” There was a loud hiss as the beautiful man closed his eyes, hands letting go of Hoseok and curling into fists, appearing painful. “I don’t even know why I’m saying all of this.”

_ Fuck. He's right, Hoseok. _

It was like a reflex, arms reaching forward and curling around the slim body, pressing it closer while his stupid tears were running down his cheeks.

“I'll take care of this, I'll get your analyses from the lab and get rid of it, I'm sorry,” he whispered against Hyungwon’s small ear.

The pink-haired being inhaled deeply, keeping his fists clenched and lips pressed together in a thin line.

“I’m not sure if that will help, it might be too late, but at least he doesn’t know it’s me. I mustn’t meet the man who did it for you. Or I will have to erase him if there is too much curiosity. I- fuck.” There was colour slipping past the fingers of Hyungwon’s hands, deep red. Just like the stains on the white shirt he had thrown away.

_ He's bleeding. _

“It's not too late, he thinks it's an ancient fox hair, Hyungwon, I will make sure nothing like this will happen. You're bleeding.” He took one of the blood covered hands and unclenched the fist.

There was a sudden chuckle as the pink-haired man looked at his own hand.

“Don’t worry, it will close up within the next few seconds, I have enough energy for that.” Inhaling deeply Hyungwon leaned closer towards him, keeping his hand in Hoseok’s while resting his head on his broad shoulder. “Your scent- it’s impossibly sweet.”

_ Energy. He needs energy for all of this. _

“I'm so thankful for my scent because that means that you're staying close to me.” He raked a hand through the pink hair, massaging the scalp and placing small kisses against Hyungwon’s temples.

“It doesn't leave me, no matter how much time passes and what I do. You drowned me in it already but apparently it’s not enough,” the low voice murmured, continuously inhaling his scent as the lips suddenly pressed to his neck, like a burning flame.

_ You can never ever give it to him. He'll be gone immediately. _

“But you want it to leave you?” he asked carefully, body responding to the touch.

The pink head lifted from his shoulder, brown eyes focusing on him, intensity returning as the other man appeared to contemplate what to say, bloody fingers intertwining with his own slowly.

“I am too aware of you, it takes away resources, my ability to concentrate and my independence. I can exist without getting your- your energy, but it becomes more and more difficult the more time passes. That’s why I came so fast, I was close by, dealing with the repercussions of you denying me.” There was something accusatory to the way Hyungwon said the words, like Hoseok had doomed him by not giving in back then. “I just don’t understand why receiving it willingly isn’t enough, why do I need to take it?”

“If receiving it willingly is not enough, how do you know that taking it forcefully will solve the problem?” He leaned in, kissing the plump lips, the soft surface so incredibly tender to the touch.

The beautiful man returned the kiss immediately, as if he had been waiting for it, one arm curling around Hoseok’s waist and pulling him closer, tongue licking over his bottom lip. Sucking in a deep breath Hyungwon returned the distance between them, establishing eye contact.

“Because you are the first who was able to resist, no one else did before and there had never been a problem like this.” Again there was a deep inhale as the pink-haired being licked over the plump mouth. “It wasn’t that bad in the beginning either, but getting a small taste made it worse and now it’s almost unbearable.”

_ If no-one was able to resist, no one knows what will happen if he takes it from you forcefully. _

“It's also unbearable for me, but because of other reasons.” He sighed and closed the distance. The other man didn't bother breaking their kiss anymore, keeping him close and nibbling on his bottom lip, one hand stroking over his hair until it settled in the black strands and pulled harshly, accompanying the depth of the kiss.

“I still don't understand how you can want to kiss me despite knowing that I'm not human,” the plump lips whispered against his, not bothering to separate and only pressing their chests flush instead.

“It's not only the kissing, I want you, all of you.” Hoseok melted into the embrace, placing kisses over every bit of golden skin he could find, the other man's lips like a burning fire against his own. “You're mesmerizing, I want to be next to you, just let me, it doesn't matter to you anyway, or does it?” he whispered against the beautifully parted mouth, while his hands slid under the fabric of Hyungwon's shirt.

He was met with silence again as the beautiful man continuously stroked over his hair, lying down properly next to him and watching his face. 

“You know now, but there isn't much time for you to be with me, Hoseok. I cannot leave before erasing you, it's a rule,” the pink-haired being replied eventually.

_ Erasing you is a rule? _

“What does erasing mean?” Hoseok felt a shiver running down his spine while his fingers buried themselves into Hyungwon's sides.

“I don't think I should tell you, Hoseok.” The answer seemed a little distant, body burning from the proximity but words cold. “It will take my ability to do so.”

_ No fucking way. _

“So it's a rule huh? Why should I follow your rules?” he whispered, repeating the same question Hyungwon had asked in his message an hour ago.

“The rules are based on a mass of experience, Hoseok. I cannot leave traces, I mustn't.” There was a sigh as the warm hands left him, tall body climbing off the bed and brown eyes merely staring at him, teeth settling in his lower lip. 

_ You're a trace to him. _

He felt the anger boiling inside his veins before standing up and closing the distance, pushing the slim body against the grey wall.

“I don't give a fuck about your rules, you can think of me however you want, but I'm not a fucking trace,” he hissed against Hyungwon's parted lips.

The brown eyes widened, left one lighting up in blue at the impact with the wall, muscles visibly tensing. Hyungwon stared at him, air remaining in the other man's lungs for an extended period of time as the large hands curled into fists. 

“You're not a trace, knowledge about me is a trace, something that endangers me and keeps me from starting anew, from leaving, Hoseok,” the low voice replied while the blue colour of his left eye had disappeared. “I'm not human, I don't even understand what you mean by wanting me, it's like empty words to me.”

“Then don't. You don't need to understand that, just stay here until I die and go away without leaving a trace. Why would I want you to leave anyway?” Hoseok curled both arms around the other man's waist, pressing his lips against the delicate neck, feeling how the fox heart pumped blood against his mouth, hot like burning fire.

“Because-" Hyungwon stopped talking, inhaling deeply as the fire-like hands curled around him, keeping him close. “Because I cannot stay until you die, I have to keep moving. It's suspicious otherwise, people become curious.”

“I don't want you to.” He knew that he sounded like a toddler but he didn't have any proper arguments as the world Hyungwon was apparently living in was different from his. He felt like crying again.

“I know, Hoseok, but think about it, how old do you think I am?” The pink-haired man grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back, enough for them to look at each other.

“I-don't-give-a-shit years old? You don't understand this, how is it relevant how old you are? You already asked me how I can kiss you even though you're not human. Because you're the one I want. I want you, even if you're a thousand year old arctic fox or whatever.” It was so frustrating, Hoseok was stubborn, he really was, but there was no common basis that they shared to be able to communicate, both of them didn't understand each other. Just being close was fine, that had been self explanatory.

Hyungwon's eyes widened even further at the words, brown colour slowly disappearing and making way for a beautiful ice-blue. Something that he said must have shocked the pink-haired being. 

_ He's so mesmerizing, shit. _

“How long do you think I can look like this, being a model, until people wonder how old I really am, Hoseok? Can you imagine me being 35? 30 even?”

“I don't know, fuck I have no idea about your world because you're not sharing it with me, how am I supposed to understand this? You're just stealing my stuff to gain all that knowledge about me whereas I just stay here and hope that this energy I have is still of some relevance to you while knowing absolutely nothing.” He closed his eyes and turned, letting his back and head hit the wall with force.

Hyungwon jerked at the action, speed impressive with which he placed his palm in between Hoseok’s head and the wall, keeping it in place. 

“I'm not used to sharing, Hoseok. Humans usually choke me or try to stab me with random objects, I'm not used to one of them talking about my perceptions with me. Cut me some slack and don't hurt yourself, you just waste your strength.” The pink-haired being grabbed his wrist and pulled him away from the wall, hugging him instead. The other man was always so ambivalent, never sending a clear message. “I want to keep your diary, as a memory. It is valuable.”

_ Memory? So he can just go and leave you behind? _

“Give it back. I'll give it to you when you leave,” he whispered, feeling fear for the first time in almost two years.

“Fine,” Hyungwon murmured, leaning in and inhaling deeply, lips touching his neck. “I'll give it back to you, but I need it to be mine when I leave.”

_ You will be his when he leaves. _

Hoseok inhaled, trying to get rid of all the emotions straining his oxygen intake, forcing the tears to the back and tightening his grip around Hyungwon's lean body.

He had never wanted something so badly in his life. Something he couldn't have.

“I will give you something valuable, as a goodbye present,” Hoseok replied and smiled, forcing his mouth corners to lift although he didn't feel like it at all.

“And you are fine with me just taking what I want? You took energy from me last time, it was a first.” The other man sounded absent again, like he contemplated what happened, hands tightening almost painfully around Hoseok. “I don't understand how you did that. It's impossible unless I give willingly. The bead just did it.”

_ What bead? _

“I have no idea what you're talking about, but you taste amazing and you are so freaking beautiful when you come. I want to see it again.” He hissed at the memory, tension forming inside his groin and lips attaching themselves to the golden skin, hot and smooth.

Hyungwon appeared hesitant, exhaling sharply at the contact and digging his nails into Hoseok’s sides. 

“I'm not sure how I feel about that, it's beyond pleasant and desirable, but-" There was a loud sigh as the beautiful man curled his hand around his jaw and lifted it up, placing a kiss to his lips. “Nevermind, it's complicated.”

“I'd love to just take you and throw you on the bed, but I know that you'll probably knock me out, so I won't.” Hoseok chuckled, hoping that his emotional response would fade soon.

The break of contact was sudden as Hyungwon let go, peeled Hoseok’s hands off and stepped away, examining him intently. 

“I have no reason to knock you out,” he said carefully and glanced at the clock that hung above Hoseok’s fridge. “I have a shoot in an hour and even I need time to get to places that are further away than your house.”

Grabbing his glass from before Hyungwon filled it and emptied it immediately, inhaling deeply as if he needed the extra burst of Hoseok’s scent before he left. 

“There is one thing that you don't seem to comprehend, Hoseok,” the low voice began as the other man made his way past Hoseok, grabbing his jacket. “I really enjoy being close to you, as little sense as that makes. It's like a fox being infatuated with a bunny, absolutely surreal.”

“I might not be a fox, but I'm sure as hell not a fucking bunny,” Hoseok hissed.

Hyungwon was leaving and he already missed the other man's presence, curling his arms around him for the last time and licking over Hyungwon's red lips, warmth developing inside his chest at the contact. 

“Be close to me then, I enjoy every single second,” he added after breaking the kiss.

It was quiet for a second or two until the hot body enveloped him and Hyungwon kissed back, transforming the warmth in Hoseok’s chest into a pleasant tingling, less straining than when he kissed the other himself. It lasted a few seconds, long fingers brushing a few black strands away from his forehead. 

“I will,” the pink-haired man whispered quietly against his curved mouth before parting and disappearing through the door, as quickly as he had arrived.

_ He will. Until he decides to disappear, leaving you behind while not caring about you.  _

_ Just like you want him to.  _

_ Wanted him to. _

_

_ Something valuable as a goodbye present. _

Hoseok stroked over the rough surface of the brown leather notebook that he had bought in the small antiquarian bookshop in the University quarter. It only had half of the deep yellow pages left, the others probably written on and ripped out over the years, it wasn't new but it had character. 

Like Hyungwon.

Opening the booklet he placed the first letters on the old, yellow paper.

_ ‘You only live once, Hyungwon.  _

_ Even if it is forever. _

_ There might not be an ending point for you, not one you know about, but humans live like this too, factual knowledge doesn't matter in dealing with death. It's ignored and forced to the time where it'll mercilessly rip everything out of your hand, ending everything. _

_ You told me but I still don't understand, I don't know how you must feel living forever, to encounter people who you then leave. They don't remember you, do they? _

_ I don't want to be like that. I want to remember every single second, from the time that you stepped into the rented studio to your mocking smile while you were breaking my wrists.  _

_ It sounds crazy right? It is, but I have to be crazy for this to work, don't you think?  _

_ I want this to work.  _

_ I want you.’ _

He sighed, closing the book and looking at the ceiling, white surface not helping his thoughts in any way.

_ He is living forever, for him you're like a stone he stumbled upon and which he’ll just kick to the side to continue walking. _

_ Isn't it what you wanted? _

Not anymore. He didn't want it anymore. Hyungwon didn't feel attached, he wouldn't care when he died, but Hoseok still didn't want him to leave, he didn't want him to erase his memories, something that the pink-haired being probably intended on doing. It felt like such a great loss already, although nothing had really happened.

_ But you don't want to live without this. _

Looking out of the window he saw beautiful clouds passing by, white and moving fast, past him. He couldn't help thinking about Hyungwon again, life probably felt like this to him, like clouds passing by, materialized but irrelevant, not worth further thought and a pointless existence.

_ You only have worth because you have energy, Hoseok. _

_ Tasty energy, or whatever. _

He chuckled at the fact that the other man had spoken the truth and had kept consistent with the statement about not being interested in his personality. It had always been the energy and the scent.

_ But you still want him. _

_ A mortal idiot who fell in love with indifferent eternity. _

__ You love him.  
  
“Fuck.”  Hoseok buried his face in his palms, tears beginning to stream down his pale cheeks, creating tiny puddles on the brown wooden desk.

_ You asked for a new goal besides staying alive so desperately. _

He did. But not for one he couldn't reach.  
  


***  
  


_ What are you even doing, Hyungwon? _

The question was very appropriate considering the unbelievable amount of information about himself he let past his tongue, leaving his lips like it was an afternoon tea conversation. He had acted as if it was easy to share, simply revealed to a human that had no idea what it meant to live forever or not to age. 

_ A human that waits for death instead of avoiding it at all costs. _

Hyungwon didn’t believe that Hoseok wanted to die. There had been too many times where he’d prevented the possibility of losing his memory & causing his own death, at least the ones he knew of. Instead it seems the black- haired man had gotten used to the knowledge, had accepted it as true and acted accordingly, using every second to its fullest.

It felt strange to compare it to the way Hyungwon allowed seconds, minutes, hours or even days to pass him by, focusing on his own thoughts, drowning in past memories that he preferred to hide away or focusing on the future and his next life. He never focused on the here and now, the current situation, unless he took energy from a new victim.

_ And when you are with Hoseok. _

It was difficult to think about anything else when he was with the muscular human, full of energy and the only living being that was aware of his existence apart from Kihyun. The redhead had always been an exception, only half human and thereby impossible to erase, abilities strong enough to protect him from Hyungwon’s strength.

“You seem even more stuck up in that dusty head of yours than usual, just eat your fucking meat,” Kihyun commented as he threw a plate with raw beef in front of Hyungwon, a tendency whenever he visited the tiny student apartment the redhead lived in. It’s main merit was the gigantic kitchen compared to every other miniscule room.

“I am having human trouble,” Hyungwon replied and poked a particularly big chunk with his index finger, not really hungry with the complexity of his current situation. He would have preferred the sweetness of the black-haired man’s energy, filling him out completely while the other was kissing along his body, pleasuring him.

_ And taking your energy just like that. Get a grip. _

Kihyun laughed maniacally and hit the table with his flat palm at his own outburst, shocking Hyungwon sufficiently to lift his arms in defense, for nothing.

“Holy shit, that sounds like girl-trouble, which is fucking hilarious if I think of your main conversations consisting of sticking your tongue into other people’s throats.” There was even more laughter as the redhead slapped Hyungwon’s lower arm for no reason at all. “Now it sounds like you are a fuckboy. Both is absolutely hilarious. Are you still after that tasty human that you semi-stalk?”

_ He knows? _

Hyungwon couldn’t help the surprise but merely smiled at the apparent knowledge. Kihyun was sneaky and easily managed to find himself sources of information, rather aware of his actions and escapades. It was one of the main reasons for keeping an eye on the half-human.

“Are you afraid of dying?” he asked suddenly, thinking about one of the many things that made Hoseok special, an uncommon human, one that seemed to keep his secret. 

He had been impossibly attentive, using large amounts of energy just to track every word the black-haired man said, communicated or somehow put into the world, monitoring whether any of them had mentioned Hyungwon and his abilities but there was nothing. Instead Hoseok had gone and taken his hair from the genetics lab, eliminating all of the results, sabotage as one might have called it for his friend working there.

_ He keeps the secret and the only thing he wants is you. _

“Of course I am afraid of dying,” Kihyun suddenly answered, thoughts pausing to return his attention to the red-haired man who was taking away his plate of raw meat and packing it up again, expression of dissatisfaction on his face. “And I am sure the cow that you are rejecting right now did too, don’t let it be for nothing.”

_ Is he guilt-tripping you because of a cow? _

Hyungwon rolled his eyes and took the plate back, accidentally bruising the interestingly coloured skin, a mixture of tones. He never bothered with his human form around Kihyun. Not apologizing because there was no point, he grabbed the chunk he had abused previously and stuffed it into his mouth.

_ Kihyun has unusual powers and still he is afraid of dying, simply because he will. _

“Have you ever hated your father for not allowing you to be human, falling in love with a Gumiho instead?” Another chunk disappeared in between his lips as the short man narrowed his elongated eyes and pulled his lips upwards, a little dissatisfied with something but preparing a proper answer nevertheless.

“I’m not sure. I wouldn’t really know what it would be like, would I? Like this I have certain advantages, I can protect myself from people or assholes like you, but I can still build proper relationships if I want to.” Kihyun grinned brightly and slapped Hyungwon’s shoulder, grabbing a tissue to wipe the small drop of blood that developed on the tiny scratch Hyungwon had left. ”I just need to be careful to not use up my life force, unable to fill it up like you do. It’s kinda awesome actually, like me in general.”

“I don’t know what I wish for,” Hyungwon merely commented as he stuffed the last bit of raw meat into his mouth and made sure to wipe over his lips, not like last time when he had looked for Hoseok in the park.

_ Now you even care about what you look like. Since when do things like that matter? _

Hyungwon had dealt with human affection before, he had seen it in couples, ones that were allowed to be together just like those who weren’t, ripped apart by family, war or irrational social standards. It wasn’t surprising or difficult to understand per se, it seemed perfectly understandable to enjoy being with someone that showered you with affection and especially energy. The desire to return that energy also made sense from the perspective of a human, creating a perfect circle and developing a pleasant relationship, one in which both individuals gave. He had also seen one-sided affection, showing sacrifices and unstoppable giving until there was almost nothing left, people burning out like a candle just to be thrown away and used by another person that they equally supplied with their energy without getting anything in return.

_ For Hoseok you must be like that, taking without returning, letting him burn out like a flame. _

“See you around, Ki. Don’t let anybody steal that precious energy of yours,” Hyungwon called out and waved quickly, leaving the small apartment without a proper goal in mind. He just wanted to make his way inconspicuously in the direction of Hoseok’s apartment and be able to think more clearly, there wasn’t much more to it.

_ Will you be able to just stay like this until Hoseok lets you take his memories? There are only four years left. _

He didn’t even need to close his eyes to determine the direction in which he needed to go, taking a nice walk through the university quarter and inhaling deeply as he passed an old bookstore, the scent of old writing amazing and always reminding him of the time he had worked in an old library several centuries ago, sorting the books and reading them in his freetime. It must have been one of the most enriching experiences he’d had. The intensive scent of old books still reminded him of it, not comparable with that of a freshly printed one.

His feet carried him further, past a few nice cafes including the burger restaurant he had accidentally met Hoseok at, scent not strong enough back then to identify him immediately. It was almost impossible to imagine that now with how clear the other man’s figure was before him, at home and sitting at his table, probably writing or reading something.

_ You said that you would be there. It’s what he wanted, even if you don’t understand why. _

Hyungwon hurried up a little, making his way past the inner city, making sure there was no attention directed at him, allowing him to move faster. It was a little wasteful with how much he needed when there were more than a handful of people, but it paid off when he wanted to be faster. 

_ Why would you need to save time? You have uncountable amounts of it. _

But Hoseok didn’t, so Hyungwon passed through quickly, familiar door materializing after a few minutes, energy levels considerably reduced, but it had been worth it. After all it was already past 10PM and the other man had been rather sensitive about the time of night last time.

Inhaling deeply and enjoying the way he was able to use less energy on locating the other man he pressed the small button next to Hoseok’s name, waiting for a response. The door opened after a couple of seconds and he heard how Hoseok pushed the handle on the heavy apartment door, waiting for him upstairs.

_ Does he always know it’s you? No one else ever visits. _

Hyungwon didn’t bother with the light and mainly ran up, covering the distance in a few seconds and not bothering to allow Hoseok time to get used to his presence either, merely pushing the other man back into his apartment and closing the door with his right hand. Stepping closer to the black-haired man he established eye contact.

“I missed you.” Hoseok's low voice sounded loud in the quiet apartment.

“Thank you,” Hyungwon replied, not sure what else to answer. It was a compliment in one way or another, indicating that the other man enjoyed his presence and wished to have it next to him, it was a feeling they shared. “I also prefer it more when you are around than when you are not.”

“Must be the scent,” Hoseok commented and stepped closer to him. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt and black sweatpants, hanging loosely on the other man's hips.

“Probably,” he replied absent-mindedly and inhaled deeply, sweetness filling out his head and making the bead react, the wish to be closer immediately present, just like it had been when he had remembered the other man’s touches. 

_ He said he wants you and that also means he wants you close. _

Curling a hand around the other man’s waist Hyungwon pulled him flush against his chest and leaned in, burying his nose in the crook of Hoseok’s neck and closing his lips around a patch of pale skin, taste just as lovely as the scent was. The action was immediately followed by a loud hiss and Hoseok's cool fingers around his waist.

“Why do you enjoy the proximity so much? What does it give you?” Hyungwon asked out of curiosity, knowing his own reasoning, namely the wish to be closer to the sweetness and the pleasant energy-filled touches that the other man graced him with. But what was Hoseok getting out of it apart from his loss of energy? Sure, he seemed to enjoy it but was that all? A love for giving up life force?

“I don't know about general proximity, but what being close to you gives to me is pretty clear. It's those minutes and seconds I don't spend while being aware of my inevitable death. I spend them while being with you, my complete attention is focused on you, the here and now. Something like this.” Hoseok talked quietly considering his ear being close to the curved mouth.

_ It’s the same. Awareness of the current situation. _

“I feel the same,” Hyungwon murmured and licked from the pale collarbone to the pretty ear, sucking the earlobe into his mouth before the investment of energy became apparent, so he only placed a soft kiss against the shell. “About the lack of awareness of time passing, forgetting that time surrounds me. It is my constant companion like death is yours.”

Hoseok nodded and leaned back, examining his face intently before licking over his curved lips.

“Can I see your eyes?” 

_ He wants to see your real form? _

Hyungwon hesitated, unsure why the other would want to see something that should be unnatural to him, but the memory of Hoseok calling his eyes beautiful came to his mind, irrational but perfectly possible. In addition he had seen it already.

Nodding shortly Hyungwon closed his eyes and removed the energy that he invested into keeping up his human form, eyes changing, nails sharpening and body heating up a little more. Just like his senses increased in strength, sweet scent almost like a flower that was right under his nose. Licking over his lips he opened his eyes again, focusing on Hoseok. 

The black-haired man stared at him, eyes widening and pink tongue leaving the curved mouth to return moisture to his lips. 

“You're so beautiful like this.” Hoseok lifted one of his hands and stroked over his cheek. 

“Despite this?” Hyungwon murmured and removed one of his hands from the other man’s waist, showing the way his nails changed, not fully retracted but definitely enough to hurt as they had before. “I pierced your thigh before.”

“Mhm, despite and because of this. You're gorgeous, Hyungwon.” Hoseok's cool hand travelled behind his head, raking through his hair and pushing him into a kiss, curved lips connecting with his own and wet tongue parting them immediately.

_ He finds it attractive. Emotional attachment? _

The influx of energy was immediate, bead reacting and sucking it up like it was only waiting for it. It caused Hyungwon to relax into the kiss, returning his hand to the other man’s waist and enjoying the closeness, licking over the curved mouth in reply and licking inside. 

Hoseok embraced his body completely, thick muscles tensing and using the strength to press him closer to his clothed chest. 

“I want to feel your skin, I want to feel you,” the low voice exhaled against his neck.

_ Just don’t allow him to take energy from you, you can’t afford it today. _

_ Ever, you can’t afford it ever, Hyungwon. _

“Then feel me,” he whispered in return and scratched lightly over the other man’s back, enjoying the body contact, cool sensation pleasant against his skin. It would be better without fabric between them. Inhaling the sweet scent one more time he put distance between their bodies, using the moment to grab the pale under arm and pull the black-haired man after himself into the bedroom, letting go and pulling his shirt over his head immediately. Throwing the black fabric into a corner he watched Hoseok, waiting for him to do the same.

The black-haired man just stood next to the bed, staring at him and eating him up with the dark brown eyes that seemed to turn black with every passing second.

“Fuck.” The white shirt separated from the pale body as Hoseok established eye contact again, muscular chest rising and falling quickly. It was fascinating how affected the other man was by him undressing only, it hadn’t been like that when the black-haired man had painted him, placing cherry blossoms all over his naked body.

_ It must be the added emotions, as he said before, he didn’t want to kiss you because there were no emotions. _

“You seem rather sexually attracted to me,” Hyungwon commented and couldn’t help the grin, enjoying the attention as he walked over to Hoseok and pulled him closer by the waistband of his sweatpants, exhaling right against his lips. “That’s rather new, especially since I’m not beckoning you to come closer.”

“You like it, don't you?” Hoseok placed both hands over his ass, pulling him further into his hips, the other man's straight teeth catching his lower lip and cooling tongue licking over it right after. Hyungwon smiled into the kiss, enjoying the contact and the small sparks of energy it brought along, biting down in return, careful with his teeth to keep them away now that his human mask was completely broken.

_ You should stop smiling so much. _

“My body was made to be attractive, apart from the non-human features of course,” he murmured into the kiss and sucked the curved lower lip into his mouth, letting go and licking between the parted lips instead, basking in the temperature difference. “So of course I enjoy your attention.”

“It's not your physical features, it's the way you exist inside it.” Hoseok attempted to explain in between the hot kisses they shared. “I want to feel all of it, get rid of the fabric.”

“Then do it.” Hyungwon loosened his grip around the other man and put enough distance between them to be able to undress, watching Hoseok’s actions carefully, curious about what exactly motivated him, emotions or arousal? A combination of both?

_ Let’s see if he’s able to act without hesitation. _

“I will,” Hoseok replied, studying his form intently.

_ Apparently not. _

“Then do it.”

It must've been three seconds before the muscular man stepped closer and sunk to his knees, undoing his belt and pulling down the zipper of his pants while the curved lips were tasting every patch of skin on his lower stomach.

_ Fuck. _

He drew a sharp breath and held the air inside his lungs, body readily accepting each little burst of energy just like the pleasure that the curved lips brought. He could feel how his body reacted automatically, blood rushing downwards and heartbeat speeding up.

Hoseok didn't wait for long before sliding Hyungwon's pants down his long legs, along with his underwear, letting him step out of the clothing before focusing on ravishing the skin of his thighs, tongue coming dangerously close to where he had wanted it the most. Instead of revealing his thoughts Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip, letting his hand sink into the black strands. There was something attractive about the way the beautiful man was kneeling in front of him, mind clouding a little at the way the cool lips closed around each new patch of skin. The marks faded but the sensation did not.

_ You’re an idiot for wanting to repeat it, Hyungwon. Get a grip. _

He didn't really have time to elaborate as the cool mouth closed tightly around his erection, sucking on it and fingers massaging his balls in the process. The action caught him off guard, too busy with his own thoughts and attempts to stay aware, loud gasp leaving his lips. His fingers tightened in the other man's black hair.

“Fucking warn me if you want to keep your hair,” he hissed and inhaled harshly at the sensation, hoping that he was able to keep standing throughout.

There was no answer, just more pleasure, skillful tongue tracing the veins and digging into his slit, low voice humming over it. The actions spread a prominent tingling sensation through his legs and he genuinely began worrying about his stability, hand gripping the black hair forcefully and pushing the other man a little further onto his erection, almost automatically.

“I’m- I’m not sure I can stand like this,” he gasped and inhaled again, sweetness only adding to the constant attention that Hoseok provided, energy engulfing him just like last time, senses sharpening even further than they already did, each little lick felt like he could see and feel it at the same time, overwhelming.

Hoseok let go and stood up. Grabbing his thighs, he lifted his body, tongue immediately licking into his mouth. The action was so sudden that his nails immediately dug into the muscular shoulders, attempting to hold on and bruising the pale skin in the process. His eyes widened at the way the other man simply lifted him without a single thought, ignorant of everything he might have thought about that.

_ You’re light enough. _

Hoseok stepped closer to the bed and let his back touch the soft sheets slowly, muscular body crawling on top of him almost immediately. Inhaling sharply to keep his senses Hyungwon focused on carefully removing his fingers from the broad shoulders, leaving bloody marks but not damaging the skin any further.  
  
“You’re crazy,” he murmured at the other man’s willingness to be sexually close to him despite all the dangers it involved. 

_ Maybe he’s just not seen enough yet. _

Meeting the almost black eyes Hyungwon wiped over one bruised shoulder and allowed his hand to return to his plump lips, pink tongue licking over the blood-stained digits slowly, overly focused on the black-haired man’s reaction. It was sweet, almost as sweet as the light blue life force that engulfed him constantly.

“Is it tasty? Want to eat me now? I'm crazy though.” Hoseok grinned and disappeared between his legs, licking over the tip and pressing down at the sensitive transition between head and shaft. Hyungwon gasped again, barely keeping his eyes open at the pleasure. Learning from his previous mistakes he spread his legs wider, fighting the tingling sensation in his legs and thereby suppressing the wish to close them at the feeling.

“It’s sweet,” he murmured to answer the question, hand sinking into the black hair again to push Hoseok down, wish to feel more almost unbearable, more so than the fear of losing energy. “More.”

Hoseok complied immediately, cool fingers pressing in between his balls and tight lips sinking down all the way, humming and repeating the whole thing. Hyungwon cursed, pleasure spiking up with each passing second, desire for a finish barely containable as he pulled at the silky black strands, unaware of whether it was painful or not. 

The feeling was exactly like the first time, all sensory input cutting off, awareness absolutely gone just like his razor sharp senses. A second passed until it all came crashing in, sensation of lips around his erection almost too much just like the hands on his hips, the scent of sweetness and blood. Moaning at the explosion he felt the sudden burst of energy that left his chest, body almost giving in at the loss, vision blurring.

_ It’s the same. He took it back. It’s gone. Fuck. _

His thoughts were messy as his vision rejected his attempts to focus on his surroundings, all resources he had used before collapsing in on themselves, only the sweet scent remaining.

“Is everything okay?” He heard the voice somewhere next to him, cool hands touching his shoulders.

The lack of information was scary, blackness staying for longer than he was used to. He nodded quickly to avoid his non-existent orientation becoming obvious. 

_ You need to leave, get energy, immediately. _

Hyungwon had dealt with lack of energy before, but it wasn't like this. It merely kept him from extending his senses beyond the usual, strength reducing and human mask harder to keep up. It wasn’t sensory deprivation. Inhaling again the relief crashed in almost instantly as the black blurriness reduced and he was able to identify the black-haired man, staring at him intently.

_ Leave before you take everything he has. _

“I have to go,” he murmured, forcing himself to climb off the bed, body struggling with balance which he hoped wasn’t too obvious. He had no time to explain. Ignoring the figure on the bed he crossed the distance to his clothes, pulling them over himself as quickly as he could, bead almost burning his chest with the need to take over the sweetness that had surrounded him only minutes ago, dissipating into nothing. 

“Are you sure that nothing is wrong? You seem confused.” Hoseok stood up from the bed and attempted to get closer.

_ You can’t keep up your human form like this. You need something. _

Biting down on his lower lip he turned towards the black-haired man, fighting his instincts.

“Kiss me,” he murmured, hoping it was enough and there was no need to explain, hands beckoning Hoseok closer with gestures alone, bending his index and middle finger. The steps sounded over the wooden floor as the pale figure closed the distance between their bodies and he felt cool lips against his mouth, tongue sliding inside. The relief was instant, small spark of energy that passed over through their connected lips enough to add more coherence to his thoughts. He didn’t move, afraid of losing the force he had received by acting himself, returning the kiss.

_ Just a little more and you can leave, it’ll be fine. _

The flow stopped and he felt a pair of dark brown eyes staring at him.

“Talk to me, Hyungwon. What's wrong?”

_ You can’t tell him, it might be a weakness. _

Hyungwon forced himself to smile shortly. The amount would have to be enough, sufficient to keep up his human form until he found a fitting victim, sufficient to last him a few days.

“I’m fine, it’s just late,” he answered and walked over to the shirt he had thrown in the corner, last piece of clothing before he could leave. “I’ll come back, don’t worry.”

“I'll wait,” Hoseok whispered and leaned against the door frame.

Hyungwon didn’t waste time, nodding quickly and disappearing through the front door, legs carrying him down the stairs, slower than he would have liked as the staircase blurred nevertheless, as if he was running faster than his eyes were able to follow. It felt disconcerting, like a feeling he shouldn’t have.

_ The last time you lacked energy they kept you imprisoned. _

It felt stupid to have lost energy this easily, through arousal. He should have been more prepared.

_ Or taken more beforehand. _

He finally arrived at the bottom of the stairs, running through the door and trying to focus on energy, find some that was close enough for him to take, but there was not enough life force left to track it, to identify it around him. The bead kept every little bit of blue light to itself, unwilling to give it away for something as irrelevant as looking for a human. Especially since he had just left one.

_ But you can’t take his life force, he won’t let you. _

_ And you might not be able to stop in time. _

Closing his eyes he inhaled, trying to identify a sweet scent, but the only scent that entered his nose was Hoseok’s, still impossible close and available.

_ Fuck. _

Hyungwon could feel how his body yearned for the previous strength, burning in his chest not comparable to the way it had felt when he yearned for the black-haired man. It was pain, agonizing and burning pain, unpleasant and screaming at him to act.

_ Just run. _

Sucking in air one last time he did exactly that, letting his legs carry him as his vision blurred again, eyes unable to keep up with his speed, surroundings dissipating into unfamiliar blackness and small patches of light, probably streetlights. He ran and ran, unsure where exactly he was going until the sudden scent of someone else filled his nose, someone who was close. He stopped abruptly, begging his vision to return immediately so he was able to act, but it never happened.

Instead there was the deafening sound of something screeching over the cold concrete until a sudden force swept him off his feet, vision remaining black as pain registered, overwhelming, numbing pain, setting him on fire with each passing second. The sudden and pleasant warmth of the bead registered in his mind, reconstructing the human illusion that protected him bit by bit, senses disappearing completely just like the small dots of light behind his eyelids. A few more seconds were enough for his consciousness to slip away from him, moving right through the spaces between his fingers like grains of sand.

_ Sand never leaves a permanent mark, Hyungwon. _

_ Just let time do the rest _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sorry for the cliffhanger, more in the next chapter!
> 
> Next Update on the 23rd of June at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Being with you makes me feel alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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_ ‘It seems like you and me are standing in front of each other but the distance just stays the same. We come closer occasionally, bodily, but then you go back to your designated spot. As soon as I'm stepping forward you seem to step back, making sure the distance stays the same.  _

_ Why? _

_ You don't trust me, is that it? Right now I have no idea how to make you understand how I feel about you, it all seems meaningless, but I still want you to know. _

_ Why? _

_ Because I want you to know that in addition to your eternal loneliness there is me. There's me who loves you and whom you're able to make happy or sad with a blink of your beautifully coloured eyes. _

_ I wish I could show you. _

_ I wish I could make you see how you, someone who's not from this world, can affect the world I'm living in. ’ _

_ _ _

 

Hoseok buttoned up the white doctor’s gown and looked into the mirror, fixing his bangs and the name tag.

_ Something was weird. He acted weird, something must've happened. _

The thoughts didn't leave him alone as he stepped out into the emergency room, an ambulance bringing in a patient just as he wanted to greet his colleagues. There seemed to be a lot of blood so he prepared for the worst. Moving closer, he tried to access the person's state. His heart stopped at the sight, pink hair covered in blood, just like the familiar golden skin, same black shirt and jeans he had taken off the lean body an hour ago.

_ Fuck. Holy fuck, Hyungwon. _

He ran over immediately, checking Hyungwon's hands to see whether the sharp claws were visible.

_ This is a shit show. He can't be treated with his claws half out and bleeding like this, Hoseok. _

“Chae Hyungwon, twenty-three years old, got hit by a car, multiple rib fractures, multiple internal bleeding, extreme tachycardia. Organ damage might be already at a late stage.” The voice sounded like part of a bad dream, giving him the information that the person on the hospital bed was very likely to die in the next twenty minutes.

_ But he can't die. _

_ And he can't be found out. Fuck. _

“I know him, transfer the patient into the single ICU room immediately, everybody else gets out,” he commanded, earning a surprised look and observing signs of hesitation in the nurses. “I said  _ now _ .” He groaned and ran to the supplies, getting bandages and wipes but no medication. There was no need.

“Hoseok, what the fuck is going on?” He felt his best friend’s arm grabbing his bloody shoulder painfully and turning him around.

_ Ouch. _

_ You need to be alone with him. There's no other way. And you can't tell Changkyun. You can't tell anyone.  _

“Do you trust me?” he whispered, urgency seeping through his words and both of his hands grabbing his best friend's delicate palms. The other man nodded after a second, eyes serious and staring at him as if trying search for something.

“Then leave me alone with him and make sure that everybody stays the fuck out. Trust me, Changkyun, I know what I'm doing.”

_ You don’t. _

It didn't matter, after he saw another short and very hesitant nod from his best friend he turned around and ran to the private ICU room, closing the door behind himself and locking it.

_ Fuck. What now? _

He ran over to the familiar body that was completely covered in blood. Opening Hyungwon's left eye he saw the ice blue iris staring back at him.

_ Energy. He needs energy. Your meds won't do anything, but your energy might. _

The pink-haired being didn't respond at all, muscle tension gone and body lying motionless on the hospital bed. The way the black, cat-like pupil pulled together into a thin line at the sudden influx of light was the only good sign.

_ Fuck, do something, Hoseok. He needs energy. _

He didn't know what else to do so he simply leaned in, parting the blood stained lips with his tongue and kissed him. 

There was a sudden jerk in the slim body as a long arm left the blanket and curled around his head, keeping it in place with immense strength. Hyungwon didn’t kiss back, merely keeping his lips parted and forcing Hoseok to stay in place.

He broke the kiss forcefully and stared at the differently coloured eyes. 

_ You shouldn't be making out in the hospital. He has to go. _

“Hyungwon, you need to leave, it's the hospital, use your amazing powers or whatever, but you have to leave, now,” he whispered against Hyungwon's plump lips, taste of iron prominent on his tongue.

The blood-covered being only shook his head roughly, pulling Hoseok back into a kiss, lips pressing together forcefully as the mismatched eyes stayed opened wide.

_ He needs energy. You're filled with energy. _

Breaking the kiss once again he held the other man away with his palm, resistance so much lower than usual.

“Do you need my energy, Hyungwon? Do you need it to be able to leave?” he asked, licking over his own blood stained lips.

Again there was only a head movement, a nod this time as the other man followed Hoseok’s gesture and licked over his own lips, reaching out for him with his blood covered hand. He didn’t sit up, a very unusual sight with the minimal physical movements, so different from the quick, jerk-like motions.

_ Give it to him, he needs to leave, you only have ten minutes. _

“You better listen to me, Hyungwon. You're going to take my energy but don't you dare touch my memories or kill me, otherwise they'll come for you because they'll know. You'll take as much as you need, make them freeze or whatever you can do and take me with you. They'll also come for you if they find me lying on the floor half dead. Do you understand what I'm saying?” He grabbed the other's shoulders and lowered his head to look into his beautiful eyes.

Hyungwon watched him intently, gaze just as intense as it always was, not leaving his face for even a second, tongue licking over the plump lips occasionally as he appeared to listen. There was a short nod again as long fingers tightened in his hair and pulled him closer, mismatched eyes remaining open and watching him every second.

“I don’t want to kill you, Hoseok, so I won’t. You need to kiss me for this to work,” the pink-haired man whispered against his lips and inhaled deeply. His voice was even lower than before, vocal chords barely working with how rough each word sounded.

“That's so nice of you.” Hoseok chuckled, trying to mask his high levels of adrenaline spiking up at the situation they both were in and the unknown outcome. He sat down on the bed and closed the distance, licking into the hot mouth immediately and waiting for the burn. 

Hyungwon parted his lips, arms curling around his body tightly, keeping him in place with the sudden force they forged. The kiss was warm, the familiar light burn easily recognizable, the same one he felt whenever he initiated. As time passed the feeling changed, warmth only increasing, turning into heat that filled out his mouth, like fog that crossed the connection between their lips, passing through to him, filling out his mouth. The pain developed and became unbearable, like liquid fire burning down his blood and dissolving his veins from the inside, transcending into his flesh like a burning mark. He fought his own body to not push Hyungwon away, hands sinking into the white sheets of the hospital lining and ripping it. 

His senses sharpened suddenly, scent of blood and disinfectant almost overwhelming just like the brightness of the hospital lights behind his eyelids. It felt like his awareness rose, of everything around him, Changkyun standing behind the door and waiting, nurses talking loudly, contemplating whether he had lost his mind. His senses didn’t stop there, travelling further, throughout the hospital, words of colleagues intermingling and impossible to separate. There was a bright blue silhouette surrounding every person he could feel.

_ What the fuck is happening to you, Hoseok? _

It was as if someone had pulled the plug when the increased awareness faded away, like a sharp pain that travelled throughout his whole body and left behind an unpleasant tingling. The fog-like sensation abandoned his lips as the obvious loss of strength appeared, body barely able to keep itself up. The fog had taken what it wanted, leaving weakness and a black circle that enveloped his vision slowly, until there was nothing.

_

 

There was absolutely no sound, it was weird. When he normally woke up he could hear the cars outside, water flowing down from the apartment upstairs, the fridge buzzing quietly, but still recognisable. But there was nothing. 

He opened his eyes, meeting a white ceiling, similar to his own, but the form of the room didn't fit. Looking to the side he saw unfamiliar furniture, a desk, a chair, looking like an ancient artefact from the king’s family and pictures from different epochs, pictures he hadn't seen yet.

_ Where the fuck are you? Did you die? _

He had no idea, but the pain in his shoulders and a slight burn inside his chest indicated that he must've been alive. 

_ Hyungwon. _

He sat up immediately, eyes widening and preparing to go search for the pink-haired being, to make sure he was alive and well. 

_ You're naked. _

Looking over the room he tried to find his clothes, but there was nothing.

_ Shit. You don't know where you are, you're naked, you have no idea what day it is and whether Hyungwon is still alive. Shit. _

The large brown door that led out of the bedroom opened as Hyungwon appeared, looking alive and just as naked as Hoseok was. Glancing in his direction with a raised eyebrow the other man used a wet towel to slide over his skin, removing traces of blood that were still present.

“You woke up faster than expected,” the pink-haired being commented and rubbed over his chest, dried blood slowly dissipating and making way for golden skin.

_ This is not the moment to get aroused because of a naked, bloody body, Hoseok. _

He still couldn't look away, tracing the silhouette with his eyes. The situation in the hospital seemed like a dream, but he knew that it wasn't.

“Is everything fine again? How's your body? Did it work out? I have a new pain threshold now.” He smiled and pulled the blanket further up his chin.

“Healed up as you can see,” Hyungwon remarked and removed the towel from his chest for approximately two seconds to show Hoseok, as if it was really necessary to tell. The condition the other had been in before would have been impossible to overlook. “You’re over half now which basically means you’re perfectly fine to walk around, live life and do whatever you usually do.”

Grinning the pink-haired being stepped closer, resuming his rather intense cleaning process.

“Well, you shouldn't kiss me again I guess. That might be a little too much, especially with how much pain you feel when it happens. It’s weird.”

_ So it worked. _

“I feel ok, I was wondering about you, but I'm happy that you're fine again.” Hoseok smiled, brushing his hair back and thinking about the energy transfer. “I'm probably useless now that you tried it once. That's sad.”

“What do you mean?” Hyungwon asked, eyebrow raised in surprise as he lifted a pink strand of hair with his index finger and thumb and examined it with pursed lips. The tips were coloured dark red. “You still have energy, so you’re not useless. You’re useless when you’re dead, Hoseok.”

_ That's nice to know. _

“Thank you. I just thought about it because you said you wanted me because I didn't let you take my energy. Now that you did, I'm probably not of interest anymore. That's what I meant. Want me to wash your hair?” he asked lifting his upper body from the sheets.

The expression on the beautiful face was difficult to read, eyes big and head tilted slightly, thought processes visible but impossible to decipher.

“You are worried that I won’t stay around because the yearning for your energy will disappear.” It sounded more like a fact than a question, pink tongue licking over the blood-red lips shortly. Humming in thought Hyungwon walked over to the bed and stretched out his hand. “Fine, wash it. I can’t get this out like that and never had to before. I hate dirty hair, it’s difficult to take care of in human form.”

“Can you give me underwear or do you want me to run around with my dick out?” Hoseok removed the blanket and sat up after grabbing Hyungwon's hot palm.

The other lifted him to his feet easily and rolled his eyes, resuming to clean the blood by raising his left leg to the bed and rubbing along his thighs with the towel.

“Only humans are pointlessly concerned about exposing their genitals. What does it matter? Everyone has some so stop pretending like it’s all that.”

“Hmm, but when I see you naked, I might want to touch you, more than if you're dressed. The exposure is just different,” Hoseok replied, stroking over the golden skin of Hyungwon's exposed inner thigh.

“That’s because your race is pleasure focused,” the pink-haired being replied nonchalantly and merely continued removing blood from his legs, switching to the right one as soon as he finished the left. “There is an immediate reaction to a state of undress because that’s how you were taught. Everyone is dressed so being undressed is special and usually connected to sexual activities. Either way, let’s get rid of the blood in my hair and yours for that matter.” Frowning the beautiful man rose and threw the bloody towel into a small, also ancient looking chest in the corner, enhanced by small golden and red ornaments.

_ You still don't know what happened. _

“I'm not going to get a Ted Talk about pleasure-focused behaviour from a fox. Don't you guys fuck around all the time? Let's just shower together. I don't even know if you have a shower, last time I was here I could only see your pretty, blue eye.” Hoseok exhaled and stood up, body still feeling a little weak, like after lack of sleep.

“You haven’t done your research apparently. Foxes live in dominant mating pairs, staying together most of the time apart from when they add other foxes to raise the pups,” Hyungwon commented as his eyes only narrowed at the comment. Grabbing Hoseok’s wrist he pulled him through the large brown door forcefully, as he liked doing, passing a large hallway covered with artworks until they entered a bathroom, completely decorated in black and gold.

_ Everything is super fancy here. _

“Get in,” the pink-haired man hissed and gestured at the shower as he pulled two towels from a cupboard under the sink.

Hoseok stepped inside and let the water run over his skin, eyes closing and head leaning back, such that he could feel how the warm drops hit his face. A few seconds were sufficient until he could feel the water falling differently as the other man joined him, hands curling around his waist and moving him a little to the side to also cover himself with water.

“I don’t mind water too much, but I am also kinda happy without being completely covered by it,” Hyungwon commented and inhaled deeply. “Can’t really smell too much like this, unless-” Leaning in the pink-haired being buried his nose in the crook of Hoseok’s neck, staying like that.

He wanted to stay like this forever. Curling both arms around the lean body he pressed the other man closer, his lips touching the pink hair and placing kisses on top of it.

“What happened, Hyungwon? Why did you get into an accident?”

“Lost too much energy, lost awareness, couldn’t perceive the car, boom. It’s fine, I’m healed now, it just kinda hurt cause I had no energy to heal up quickly.” It felt strange how the other man chuckled after his elaboration, keeping his nose buried in the crook of his neck and hot tongue licking over his skin lazily, burning like a small flame. “It doesn’t really matter anymore. No one knows.”

“But it's really dangerous, how did you lose the energy? Was it because of your orgasm?” Hoseok's eyes widened in surprise, not comprehending how Hyungwon could strain himself while coming.

“Yeah,” the low voice remarked as one hand left his waist and reached for the faucet, changing the temperature in the direction of the red mark, hotter. “Didn’t happen when I wasn't human, so I’m still trying to understand why. You got most of yours back, at least the amount you could accept. To be honest it was also my fault partially, there wasn't too much of it in the first place, so losing it was rather critical. I still won’t die in case you were wondering.”

“I was wondering because you seemed to like it and I enjoyed it so much, but I don't want to hurt you in any way. Even if you can't die,” Hoseok murmured and tried to accommodate the hot water, burning against his skin.

The pink head suddenly lifted from his shoulder as the brown and ice blue eyes met his, smile lifting the corners of the other's attractive mouth slowly, like a pleasant thought that had suddenly appeared in Hyungwon's mind.

“It’s simple,” the low voice whispered suddenly as big hands grabbed his hips and pulled him closer. “I’ll just have to do the same to you to get it back.”

_ Oh god, please. _

“Fuck, you get me from emotional to aroused in three seconds, what is this?” Hoseok hissed against his plump lips and licked over the bottom one briefly.

Hyungwon continued smiling, returning the kiss immediately as his tongue acted accordingly, licking inside his mouth as he pressed Hoseok’s lower body against him, adding friction like he knew exactly what he was doing.

“That’s because you’re human,” he replied, low voice breathy and one hand reaching up to pull his head by grabbing the black hair. Full lips attached to his neck as sharp teeth left marks along his jugular and all the way down to his collarbones.

Hoseok moaned in response, big, strong hands tightening around his hips as the other man moved forward and pressed his body against the cold tiles.

“I’m curious how you will react,” Hyungwon murmured as he made his way down, hand leaving his hair again and merely using strength to keep him firmly attached to the shower wall, not moving an inch as teeth and the hot mouth continued abusing his skin, each touch like a small spark that warmed him up and ripped the tiredness from him like an unwanted guest.

_ He's giving you energy, isn't he? _

He didn't have time to think, sensations battling each other as his hand tightened in the pink hair, pulling a little while he hissed.

The hot mouth moved further down as Hyungwon sank to his knees, hands gripping Hoseok’s hips firmly enough to bruise as the plump lips closed around a patch of skin on his inner thigh, licking over the area right after. It was like being kissed by fire, temperature hotter than the water that was already burning his skin, blush spreading over his whole body.

The pink-haired man appeared more willing to kiss and touch him than usual, lips barely leaving him just like the other's hands that finally untangled from his hips and caressed the skin of his thighs instead. The plump mouth blew hot air over his erection as brown and ice-blue eyes focused on him, grin in place.

“Like it?” Hyungwon asked with a teasing tone.

“Yes, I want you to touch me, fuck.” Hoseok fought against the wish to push the other man's head closer to his dick. 

“This is way more fun than scaring you, I love your heartbeat,” Hyungwon commented as he licked a wet trail from the base of Hoseok’s erection to the tip, left hand reaching out to hold it steady. Inhaling deeply the other man sucked on the tip, making his way down and not bothering to breathe as he did so, tongue covering his sharp canines. Once he had reached the back of his throat the pink-haired man sucked back up, letting the tip leave his lips with a lewd noise. “I'll try not to break your skin.”

“Please don't, I'll die,” he moaned and grabbed the pink hair tighter, attempting to get Hyungwon's hot mouth back

The beautiful man chuckled lowly and resumed the pleasure, burning heat enveloping and hot drops of water raining down on him, temperature almost overwhelming. As if Hyungwon knew what he needed the pink-haired man sucked his way down and right back up, loosening his lips a little as he increased the speed of the way he bobbed his head, pleasure soaring through Hoseok. It felt overwhelming, temperature difference hitting right where it felt good.

“Don't stop, shit, please don't stop.” Hoseok didn't stop moaning, fast exhales and the burning coil tightening inside his lower stomach at the ministrations. “I'm close.”

Hyungwon didn't comment and continued holding his breath, movements of the tight lips around his dick only speeding up and stealing every coherent thought from his mind. As if on purpose he felt something sharp move over the surface of his sensitive skin without breaking it. The pink-haired man was playing with him, adding the sharpness to the overwhelming pleasure.

_ Sneaky fox. _

Hoseok loved every second of it, feeling how the high came closer each second, stealing his sanity and control over his body, hot mouth absorbing all of it in an instant. The release washed over him like a tsunami, muscles flexing and relaxing again while he tried to keep himself standing against the wall, the wish to just slide down the tiles overwhelming.

The beautiful lips sucked their way upwards before releasing him, intense gaze focusing on him. Hoseok didn't need to open his eyes to know that the mesmerising being was watching him intently.

“It worked,” the low voice commented, sound a little rougher than usual. It seemed self-satisfactory. “I'm just not sure whether I should feel bad about swallowing a whole load of your potential offspring. It appears like a whole new level of monstrous to me.”

“Says someone who ripped my shoulder and licked my blood while grinning into my face during a blow job. Really?” Hoseok opened one eye and pulled the lean, tall body back up, enjoying the blush on the golden cheeks.

He really loved Hyungwon's eyes.

“I see absolutely no problem with that,” the handsome man commented with a grin and inhaled for the first time in what felt like forever, leaning in a little. “But you lose less than I do. Makes sense I guess, wouldn't want to die during intercourse.”

“You make it sound strange. Damn, I would love to have sex with you, although I'd probably look abused after it.” He closed his eyes, imagining what Hyungwon's body would look like under him. “Still worth it.”

“I don't know what you mean with strange, but-" The tall man paused and lifted an eyebrow in question, hands stroking along Hoseok’s sides repeatedly. “Haven't you already? Had sex with me I mean.”

_ What?  _

“Well sure, oral is also considered sex, but I mean penetrative sex.” Hoseok leaned in and licked over the blushed skin of Hyungwon's neck, sucking on the spot behind his ear.

The other man froze for a few seconds before he sighed suddenly, pulling Hoseok flush against his chest.

“Humans are weird,” he commented and turned the water a little colder. “You’re too hot, aren’t you? Your skin looks like that of a lobster.” Hyungwon reached for a black bottle standing at the side and pressed it into Hoseok’s palm, staring at him again. “My hair.”

“I'm not weird, I'm crazy.” Gifting Hyungwon one of his brightest smiles, he poured the neutral smelling shampoo into his palm and reached for the pink hair, shampooing it and massaging the other man's scalp.

“You sure are,” Hyungwon whispered absentmindedly and closed his eyes, humming lowly, tone remaining constant as Hoseok moved his hands over the pink head. “I want you to paint on me again.”

_ Did he just purr? _

Hoseok grinned to himself and continued his movements, humming in agreement.

“I will, if you want it."

The low purring continued as Hyungwon leaned his head against Hoseok’s forehead, eyes remaining closed. He seemed to really enjoy the sensation.

“Yeah, I want it, so do it.”

Hyungwon was mesmerizing, beautiful and strangely affectionate, sending small meaningful signals without drowning him in it, still acting as if Hoseok didn't matter.

_ Although you probably do. _

The thought was sudden and he swallowed, removing his hands from the pink hair.

“Done,” he whispered against the other man's red lips that were so incredibly close to his own.

“Thanks,” Hyungwon whispered back and opened his eyes, observing him carefully. “Is all the blood gone? Your facial expression is strange.”

“The blood is gone, it's just-" He looked over the stands, “Just pink.” He smiled and let both hands fall down at his sides. “Why is it strange?”

Hyungwon examined his features a little longer before replying, chewing on his lower lip.

“It’s emotional, not fitting to the situation.” A few seconds passed while the large eyes were focused on him, water raining down mercilessly until the pink-haired man suddenly grabbed his hair and pressed him into the wall, plump lips meeting his in a rough kiss, small sparks warming up his chest. His arms curled around the slim waist automatically as he reciprocated the kiss, feeling overwhelmed by the contact, the warmth and his feelings towards the stunning being in his arms.

Hyungwon licked into his mouth, sharing the contact for a few more seconds before he let go, putting distance between them and turning off the water.

“This should be enough to enable your functionality,” the pink-haired being muttered and opened the shower door, stepping out and grabbing one of the towels he prepared, throwing the other in Hoseok’s direction. 

“Your friend attempted to call you repeatedly so I took apart your phone, you can put it back together and talk to him. I erased everyone but him so you have quite some explaining to do.”

“I will. This could've been a shit show, I'm looking forward to my personal consequences,” he muttered and stepped out of the shower and dried himself with the towel he got hit in the face with.

“What personal consequences? They shouldn’t remember that I was there, thinking it was just a dream, similar to how you feel about our first meeting,” Hyungwon commented, sound muffled by the towel he used to rub his hair with, motions rough like he wanted to get as much water as possible out at once.

“But they know that I closed myself in the ICU, with a patient. Some patient probably. Ah, the next weeks might be sad.” Putting on a cheerful smile Hoseok walked back to the bedroom, searching for his clothes and only finding his phone and putting it back together. 

‘You can be crazy at home for the next three weeks. Laura signed your suspension. Please calm the fuck down and call me immediately, why aren't you home? What's going on, Hoseok?’ 

_ Three weeks, oh no. _

He buried his head in his palms, groaning out of frustration once before inhaling deeply to not present the whole bucket of human emotion to his fox lover who didn't give a shit.

_ What lover? You're probably a fun toy to play with and leave behind. _

“What happened?” the familiar low voice asked behind him, not making a single sound as always and merely leaning over his shoulder to take a look at his phone. “You’re being suspended for three weeks because of me? But your wrist has only healed recently, hasn’t it?” There was something dissatisfactory in the pink-haired man’s tone, like he disliked the outcome. A lot.

“No, not because of you, because of me. It healed, now you can break it again because it doesn't matter anyway.” Hoseok chuckled and tossed the phone on the bed, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling for a couple of seconds.

“But you did it to protect my identity. I remember every single word you said, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered as he curled his arms around him from behind and exhaled against his neck. “Is there something I can do to make you feel better?”

_ Stay. _

“Don't make a martyr out of me, I'm not. I just care about you. A lot.” He closed his eyes, feeling how the hot skin burned against his own. It felt so good, so incredibly good.

“That still doesn’t tell me how to make you feel better.” Hyungwon let go of him, just enough for the other man to turn him around and examine his facial features, hot arms closing around his neck and burning forehead pressing against his own. “You fascinate me, Hoseok. No matter what I show you or do, you remain infatuated. Is there nothing that you are scared of?”

“Not scared. Only sad,” he answered and leaned in a tiny bit, just enough to kiss the red, moist lips once.

“I don’t like it when you are sad, I don’t want you to be,” the pink-haired being whispered against his lips and stroked over his hair once, mismatched eyes blinking quickly. “Keep away from the paintings while you are here, they might like your energy too much and steal a little bit, but you can look at them I guess. They are really pretty.”

_ Paintings stealing energy? What's next? _

Hyungwon let go of him and opened a gigantic wardrobe, filled with various types of clothing from a more modern style to suits, clothes from the 17th century as far as he could tell, clothes for various professions including a doctor’s gown, a working overall and a pilot uniform.

“You should pick something because Redhead will be here in a bit to pick up a historical book. He is kind of human so he might feel offended by your lack of genital coverage.”

“Redhead?” Hoseok let the towel fall on the floor and stepped closer, examining the contents until his gaze settled on a black sweatshirt with a yellow pocket and blue ripped jeans that were probably lose on Hyungwon's slim hips, but hugged his own thighs perfectly. “Done,” he commented and turned around, pulling up the zipper of the jeans.

“So you like the 2016 university look,” Hyungwon merely remarked and took out a simple white shirt and tight blue jeans for himself. The cut of the t-shirt was such that it emphasized his waist, as if it was meant for his body type. “Redhead, Kihyun, an acquaintance of mine. He steals my books for several weeks and returns them after a while.”

“You have acquaintances? How come?” He couldn't help being curious about what kind of people Hyungwon would keep close, and if there were any at all.

There was a small grin on the plump lips as the other man answered. “You’ll see.” The pink head moved to towards the door right after uttering the words, crossing the distance quickly and disappearing in the hallway. The other had probably realized that his guest had arrived. The loud noise of the heavy door opening only confirmed that.

Walking after him, Hoseok leaned against the door frame of one of the many rooms in the hallway and observed the figure that walked in. The short man had bright red hair, the first feature that immediately caught his attention. A few freckles were present along the nose and cheeks. It was cute at first but there was something intimidating about the elongated green eyes, similar to the way Hyungwon had made him feel when they had first met. 

“I hope you treated that book right, Hyungwon. The 14th century is a goddamn long time ago,” the red-haired man muttered, gesturing with his right hand until his green eyes settled on Hoseok and widened. “A human?” the rather high voice asked in shock. It seemed like the other man had made an obvious mistake, his hand immediately reaching for the open mouth and covering it as the facial features scrunched together. It looked a little amusing. “I’m sorry, I’m just surprised that there is more company than the paintings on the walls.” Grinning the short man walked over to him and stretched out his hand, teeth a bright white colour.

_ You're a human, so he's not. _

“Hey, I'm Hoseok, nice to meet you.” He smiled in a friendly way as he was, observing the interesting features in detail.

“I’m Kihyun, I major in history and arts so I abuse Hyungwon’s library,” the shorter man said with a grin and took his hand back as soon as Hoseok had shaken it, gesturing towards a painting above his head. “This one was painted back in the 14th century. It was believed to be lost during Doge’s Palace fire in 1577, but here it is. Simply amazing. It’s called ‘Paradise’.”

Hoseok lifted his gaze and studied the interesting artwork, mesmerized by the way the artist had placed the careful brushstrokes on the canvas.

“It's beautiful,” he simply commented, searching Hyungwon's eyes. The other man didn’t bother to hide them, one still as beautifully blue as it was supposed to be.

“Stop overwhelming Hoseok with art knowledge, Kihyun. You wanted the book, so get the book,” the pink-haired man remarked and pushed the man named Kihyun forward and into one of the many rooms that connected to the hallway, closing it behind him.

“Does he seem normal to you?” Hyungwon asked after a few seconds had passed, curiosity clear on the beautiful features. “He’ll leave in a few minutes. Redhead is rather good at finding what he needs in a short amount of time.”

“No he doesn't. There's something about his eyes,” Hoseok elaborated and looked into his favourite pair of eyes, different and beautiful. “They're not as intense as yours but there's something that tells me that something is off.”

“You have good instincts, usually people don’t care with him,” Hyungwon commented and opened the door right before the short man was about to do so himself.

“Fuck you, Hyungwon,” Kihyun commented nonchalantly and made his way to the exit, waving shortly before he walked through the door. “Bye Hoseok, don’t let him abuse you.”

Hyungwon sighed as he closed it with a loud noise and turned back to Hoseok, eyes a little wider. “How long do you intend on staying?”

“At your place? I can go home, you're probably uncomfortable.” He walked over to his shoes which thankfully didn't vanish like the rest of his clothes and put them on, tying the laces.

“I am a little bit uncomfortable because there are usually no humans in my house. There are also a lot of things that most humans aren’t aware of and should preferably continue being unaware of.” Stepping closer Hyungwon curled his fingers around Hoseok’s wrist, pulling him up as soon as he had tied his laces. “Are you fine leaving though? Will you be upset? Don’t leave if you will be upset. I will know and find you.”

“You'll be fine.” Hoseok smiled and placed a kiss on the hot, plump mouth before checking for his belongings and opening the door.

“I asked about you, not myself,” Hyungwon hissed and pulled him back in, curling his arm around his waist, eye contact intense.

“I said you'll be fine, even if you know that I'm sad.” He closed his eyes shortly, remembering the moment, trying to engrave it into his memory on purpose so as to never lose it.

“Bullshit,” the low voice whispered as lips pressed against his suddenly, sensation hot like fire, exactly the way it was supposed to be before it disappeared just like the hands around his waist. “I’ll find you if you are upset, so don’t be.” 

It was ironic how the wooden door closed behind him after the other man had uttered the words, heavy and final somehow.

***

It felt strange to have walls stare back at him instead of a pair of dark brown eyes.

The black-haired man had left not too long ago but his absence appeared to have left a mark on Hyungwon’s house, silence even more silent than it had been with Hoseok around. It wasn’t like he missed him or anything similarly ridiculous, but something about his surroundings must have enjoyed the other man’s presence, leaving an unpleasant emptiness behind, like those ugly marks that chairs left on sensitive wooden floors if there were no tiny pillows below each leg. 

Hyungwon had never really appreciated their purpose until that exact moment, mark already left without any protection or possibility to remove it.

_ He’s everywhere. _

His preoccupation with the black-haired human was uncalled for, keeping him from the important things in life. His never ending life.

_ Who are you even kidding? _

Hyungwon sighed and stood up from the comfortable armchair in his library, closing the thick book on his lap and putting it back to the section of historical events. It was amusing to read how humans described something, pulling their own importance to the foreground even if they had been absolutely irrelevant. It was even hilarious to read the French, Russian, American and German depiction of the second world war. One might have thought there had been four independent wars going on. Chuckling shortly he brushed the dust from his hands and stepped into the hallway.

The familiar sweet scent shocked him at first, mind immediately assuming Hoseok to be there, to have returned because of hurt feelings and the wish to stay close to him.

_ He wants to be with you, he said so often enough. _

But it wasn’t the beautiful black-haired man, it was the remaining energy, sucked up by the ancient paintings on the wall, reacting to the sweetness. It felt like he was standing close to the other man when he shut his eyes, scent pleasant and evoking the mesmerizing tingling beneath his skin. It would have been nicer if he had been there though, the real thing.

_ You’re the one who sent him home. Why can’t he be close to you? _

Hyungwon wasn’t even sure what spoke against it anymore apart from the fact that he was made to take life force and Hoseok was made to live and hope that his wouldn’t be taken. It wasn’t a match made in heaven, everything but. However Hoseok’s knowledge already extended beyond everything Hyungwon could have erased at a single contact without almost killing the other man. There was no way to make him forget without changing his life permanently, ruining it.

_ You don’t want him to forget. _

It was pathetic, really, looking at him one might have thought that he had built some kind of affection for the human, wishing for him to live an extended life without hardship. Hardship that he himself was most likely to cause without even meaning to. There was no reason for Hoseok to constantly sacrifice so much for him, but still he did, emotions like a touchable mask on the other man’s face, one that was easy to read but difficult to remove. 

_ He really likes you, Hyungwon. He protected you although it cost him several weeks of what he loves. _

_ And his life force. _

Guilt was an unfamiliar sensation, one that he had never felt the reason to include in his rather slim repertoire of human emotions. It was a nasty one, unpleasant and mainly fuelled by the accusations of others. Conscience wasn’t something he possessed, so guilt had never managed to develop inside his head, but the sudden realization that he had thrown Hoseok out although the other had taken a large sacrifice for him might have very easily qualified for it, burning, crippling guilt.

_ You are an idiot, Hyungwon. He’s probably upset now, just as you thought he would be. _

He growled, frustrated at the complexity of the situation. He shouldn’t have cared but somehow he did, scent constantly staying in his nose although he was only in the middle of his own hallway, standing next to his paintings instead of the real thing. The real thing that he would have prefered to have next to him.

Sucking in a deep breath he closed his eyes, preparing himself for the immediate knowledge of the other man’s location, knowledge that didn’t come no matter how long he waited, seconds ticking by emphasized by the constant ticks of the cuckoo clock on the right side of his favourite painting.

_ You don’t feel him anymore. It’s gone, the bead is satisfied. _

He should have felt happy, he really should have, finally free of the constant presence of knowledge, of the awareness of what the other man was doing, whether he was losing energy, gaining it or simply sleeping. But there was no such relief, there was just the feeling that something was lacking, scent pleasant but not evoking the blinding desire to inhale the familiar energy, to fill his chest with it.

_ You don’t know if he is sad, Hyungwon. He could be upset and you wouldn’t know, like an idiot. _

His eyes widened, sweet scent that was being emitted from the artworks around him suddenly not enough, not even close to the real thing, to the way he had perceived the black-haired man. Closing his eyes Hyungwon inhaled deeply, broadening his circle of awareness slowly, passing by his neighbours, the unfamiliar people on the streets of Munich, people that went by bike, car, foot, taking a walk with their dog, eating at a restaurant, being treated in a clinic. The energy seeped out from his chest and past his fingers at the effort, mass of information only increasing as he broadened the spectrum, arriving at most of the inner city. His fingers shook when he finally identified the familiar shade of blue, scent impossibly faint even if Hyungwon concentrated all of his resources on it.

He had no idea whether Hoseok was sad or not. He only knew that the other man was home, alone.

_ You said you would know and find him if he’s sad, but you don’t. You know absolutely nothing, Hyungwon. _

Frustrated he broke the contact and pushed his fist against the wall, painting hanging right above it almost falling from its hook, barely holding on as he examined his bloody knuckles, skin closing up the longer he stared at it.

_ There is nothing you can do, you can’t feel him anymore. _

It was pathetic to wish for something that had constrained him to return, but the amount of information it had given him was incomparable to anything else. His awareness of the other man had been complete, perfect without the need to invest as much energy as he needed now, achieving not even half of what he could before.

_ He must be hurt. You threw him out after a sacrifice although he has feelings for you. _

His behaviour must have been hurtful for the other man, unfitting to the way humans were supposed to treat each other, showing affection. Hyungwon wasn’t sure whether he was able to act accordingly but hurting the black-haired man was not part of his intentions. He had never wished to be the source of tainted energy, staying away from it as much as possible. Some of the objects in his box, the one he hid away just like his memories, had been given to him with tears, remaining stained forever. He didn’t want Hoseok to be the same. For the memories to stay similarly stained.

_ You promised to return his diary. _

Hyungwon’s fingers curled at the reluctance to give the meaningful object away but he had promised, furthermore Hoseok had promised him a goodbye present in return. Licking over his lips shortly he stepped foot into the basement, scent dark and moist just like the memories he kept there were supposed to be. Chewing on his lower lip he got out the box, chest constricting at what he was about to see. His reaction was always the same, emotional, and he hated being emotional.

_ It’s not like you to be susceptible to feeling like that. _

Moving a few old photographs to the side he grasped the small diary, inhaling the scent of paper mixed with ink. Hoseok had filled it completely with words and thoughts of his own.

_ It’s enough, put away the memories, it’ll be too much. _

Closing the rest of the memories away in the box Hyungwon hid it away immediately, focusing on the small leather book in his hands. His legs carried him up to the ground floor of the house as he stared at the small marks of usage in the leather, beautiful to look at. Unable to resist he opened an arbitrary page, eyes following the words on the page like water flowed down a waterfall.

_ ‘12.08.2017 _

_ The body is slowly dying whereas the mind is so alive, isn't it ironic? I've never felt and thought like I do now, many things opening themselves to my perception only now, after so many years.  _

_ I feel like I've gained so much but I keep losing. I keep losing people around me who turn away because watching a person dying is too much. They don't want to feel sad because of some character that will stop existing soon. _

_ They don't care.  _

_ They don't want to care.  _

_ It would be nice if I didn't care either.’ _

Hyungwon drew a deep breath, thoughts jumping from one mentioned word to the next. It was difficult to imagine how the other man continued living calmly, keeping his relationship to death but changing everything else.

_ It’s so different, Hyungwon. You have never seen anybody think like this. _

The longer he stared the more difficult it became to separate the complicated thoughts from the current Hoseok, from the current way the man must have been feeling.

_ What if he feels like this and you are here, at fault but doing nothing. _

_ If everyone left him because he is going to die, why would you do the same? Are you human, Hyungwon? Why would you act the same way? _

Hyungwon hated his lack of knowledge, the lack of awareness of what was happening to the other man, whether his energy was being tainted by tears, whether he was sleeping and regenerating what he had lost, whether he felt empty and alone, just like Hyungwon did without his presence.

_ How the hell did this happen? Why do you need a human to feel at ease? _

Angry at his own emotions he threw the book to the side, sound of leather hitting the white wall dull and not making it any better. Clenching his fists Hyungwon crossed the distance and picked it up, brushing over it shortly like a small apology for treating it badly. It was almost more ridiculous than his wish to see if the black-haired man was okay.

_ Just go there then, find out. You told him you’ll find him if he’s sad. For that you need to know. _

Slipping into his shoes Hyungwon watched the book in his hands carefully, the way the pages had been used, some of the page corners buckled.

_ You can’t give it back yet. You haven't seen everything yet. _

Biting down on his lower lip he placed the diary on a shelf in the hallway, keeping it close but not too close. Somehow he didn’t want to take it back down to the basement, put it in the other part of his mind he preferred to keep locked away.

_ Don’t put it in the box. Hoseok isn’t a memory. Yet. _

Something pulled at his chest unpleasantly at the thought that the other man would become one, a memory that he looked at whenever he needed to return the illusion that he was capable of human emotions, that there were things that he had treasured before. Hoseok would turn into something he preferred to forget. 

Just like everything else.

_  
  


The amount of strength he needed to find the beautiful human was frustrating. He knew that the other man was at home but still his body attempted to use the previous abilities he had possessed, to see the bright blue energy and smell the sweet scent. 

_ You can’t. _

It was like they were independent now, without a reason to see each other apart from the fact that Hoseok was the only person that knew his secret. The black-haired man was the only human who knew that Hyungwon wasn’t one, simple as that.

_ That’s enough of a reason, you have to monitor, to make sure that he doesn’t share it. _

_ That he’s not hurt. _

It was ridiculous, Hyungwon knew exactly that there was no way that Hoseok would reveal his secret, share it with anybody. For that the other man had sacrificed too much already.

_ He really likes you, Hyungwon. Good that you’re not the one who will leave him behind. Not through death at least.  _

Chewing on his lip he thought about a way to see the other man’s state without ringing and showing that he needed to check up on him. Closing his eyes for a few seconds he focused his energy on identifying the black-haired man’s position. Hoseok was sitting at a desk, writing at the other end of the apartment, close to a window. Satisfied with the result Hyungwon walked around the house until he found the respective window and made his way up, holding onto the windowsills properly as he pulled his body up, lean muscles bulging in his slim body. He thanked old German architecture for creating enough surfaces to hold onto because as capable as he was there was no way for him to fly. Once he arrived at the window he had been looking for, he made sure to not pull himself up completely, just a little bit so he could glance inside the apartment and identify whether Hoseok was upset.

_ You have no reason to be here if he’s not. You didn’t even bring the diary. _

The black-haired man was sitting at his desk and wrote something inside a leather notebook. It was slightly bigger than the one Hyungwon had at home and obviously older. Something about Hoseok’s posture was strange, his head was positioned way too low over the paper.

_ He is writing again, just like he wrote the diary you have at home. _

There was no way that the other man wasn’t upset. The small black drops in his bright blue life force were enough of a sign.

Since he didn't want to be seen Hyungwon kept his body hanging on the windowsill and loosened the grip of one hand, holding his weight with the other as he stretched his fist towards the transparent glass and knocked, strong enough for the sound to reach through the thick layers.

The muscular figure jerked and turned around quickly, pen falling on the ground immediately and one hand wiping over the pale cheeks. Hoseok's eyes widened instantly and he ran up to the window, opening it at once.

_ He cried. _

Hyungwon inhaled the fresh air before he pulled his body up and sat down on the windowsill, grinning at Hoseok. 

“I told you that I'd come if you're sad.”

The movement was unexpected as the other man's pale arm had grabbed his and pulled his body into the apartment.

“Why did you decide that coming through the window was a good idea? You used the bell just fine before. Or do you want a key?” Hoseok stared at him, eyes wide and curved lips parted in surprise.

_ Good luck explaining that.  _

Hyungwon grinned some more to waste time as he closed the window behind himself and crossed his arms. 

“I wanted some more excitement in my life after that car crash. A key might be a nice alternative though,” he eventually replied. Just as the words left him a better excuse came to his mind but it was always like that, too late. 

“You need excitement? I can show you some excitement without you having to climb through my window.” A playful smile appeared on the handsome features before Hoseok turned around and stepped closer to his desk, opening a drawer and getting a pair of keys out. “This one is for the door downstairs and this one is for the apartment.” The other man stretched out his palm with two silver keys lying on top of it.

Hyungwon couldn't hide the surprise on his face. Somehow the offer had seemed like a joke to him, just like the sexual innuendo although he should have been used to it by now. Hoseok always followed his semi-serious remarks. 

“Thanks,” he said simply and put the silver key into his back pocket, hyper aware of its presence now that he knew what it was for. It felt heavy somehow, like he had to act in a particular way to fulfil its purpose. 

_ Like coming here. You need to come here to fulfil its purpose.  _

His eyes examined the various pieces of furniture in the room until they settled on the old book on the desk. “What's that?”

“Your goodbye present. Don't you dare take it before I give it to you, Hyungwon,” Hoseok hissed at him, a spark appearing in the dark brown eyes at the words.

It was a little intimidating how it felt like the black-haired man had read his thoughts, eyes travelling over the leather book and possible hiding places to figure out where it was in order to take it. Instead of continuing that thought pattern Hyungwon stopped and merely nodded.

“Why are you sad? You should stop,” he pointed out to change the topic and brushed through his pink hair, wondering if it was really justified to run after a human just because he couldn't smell him anymore and worried about them being upset after kicking them out of his house. Not even two hours had passed since Hoseok had left the old building where Hyungwon kept all of his collections.

“Thank you for this elaborate reasoning, but I feel sad not because I want to, it just happens.” Hoseok closed the notebook and put it into the top drawer before turning around and leaning back against the wooden desk. “But I forgot that I'm sad because you appeared. It feels empty when you're gone.” 

_ Why are your perceptions so similar? They’re not supposed to be.  _

Hyungwon couldn't help but feel relieved that his presence alone was sufficient to calm the sadness that the beautiful human must have felt before he had arrived. Some of the  black colour in the other man's life force returned to blue, confirming the soft words. 

But still there was no logical reason that justified him feeling alone in his gigantic house without the presence of a human. He was alone all the damn time and it hadn't made much of a difference. The fact that he kept all the instances where he wasn’t safely tucked away in a box should have been enough proof for that.

_ You don't really need anybody, Hyungwon.  _

“What exactly about my presence makes you less sad?” he asked and crossed the distance to Hoseok, sitting down next to him on the wooden desk and placing his palm on top of the pleasantly cool one. “The touches?”

Hoseok just shook his head with a smile on his curved lips, looking simply beautiful. The black-haired man had a stunning smile.

“No, that's not it. It's the way you make me feel, the touch is only the symptom not the cause. There's a lot,” the other's low voice whispered while Hoseok closed his eyes, throwing his head back.

“You make it sound like affection is a disease,” Hyungwon commented and pursed his lips, pouting a little as he watched the handsome features while Hoseok kept his eyes closed. 

_ Who knows, maybe it is a disease, a human one.  _

“It's just a metaphor, but sure, I'm a surgeon so I use the terminology. Either way there are a lot of things in combination. What do you think? Why are you here?” The other man still kept his eyes closed while he spoke. It seemed like Hoseok enjoyed the sensory deprivation that followed.  To Hyungwon it appeared impossible to enjoy a lack of sensory input like that. A shudder moved down his back at the memory of his lack of vision when his energy left him at once. 

“I'm here because I told you that if you're sad I'm going to know and find you.” He felt perfectly convinced of his reasons as he began speaking until he recognized a small problem, the consequences. Coming to Hoseok because the other man was sad needed to have some action, something that Hyungwon did because of that. Inhaling as if he intended the break he brushed through his hair and added another sentence, nonchalantly. “And keep you from it I guess.”

_ Genius. Maybe affection is indeed a human disease, an infectious one.  _

“What do you feel when I'm sad?” Hoseok asked, opening his eyes and turning to the side to look him in the eyes properly.

There was something uncomfortable about the gaze, it made Hyungwon feel like he didn't have the ability to speak, each word that came to mind resulting in some kind of complex feeling that he might not be able to understand and get rid of afterwards. He already felt that Hoseok had stopped being sad because of his presence alone. 

“I don't like it,” he replied carefully and crossed his legs, watching intently to see if the facial expressions changed negatively. “I prefer it when you smile. It's pretty.”

“I see. But it doesn't make sense considering the fact that you don't see me. You do know, but you don't see me when I'm sad. You just know that I am and this knowledge must be doing something to you.” Hoseok's low voice sounded calm while the cool fingers moved under his palm.

Hyungwon inhaled deeply, still disturbed by the fact that the sweetness of the scent didn't cloud his mind or force the bead to move, making him want to be closer. There was nothing, just the two of them sitting next to each other and the pleasant feeling of the cool hand under his. 

“I just don't like it, especially if it's because of me. It seems unfair somehow, like you did something for me but I make you sad in return. It's a bad cycle,” he elaborated eventually, thinking about the way Hoseok had talked to him, allowing him to take his energy despite the agonizing pain the black-haired man felt at the sensation. It was simply crazy and beyond every human emotion he had ever seen being directed at him.

_ It's mostly disgust, fear or fake sexual attraction, isn't it? _

“I don't think I understand. But it's fine, you can come here whenever you like.” 

“Let me try again,” Hyungwon murmured, closing his eyes for a few seconds to collect his thoughts and find better words. His mind worked differently and it was so hard to bridge the discrepancies sometimes. “You're the first human who doesn't treat me negatively after knowing what I am, showing me positive emotions instead. Wouldn't it be only natural that I do the same? Respond with something positive from my side?”

“You want it to be fair?” the black-haired man asked moving away from the desk and walking towards his bedroom. 

Hyungwon followed immediately, unsure whether he had said something wrong and hurtful again. Hoseok was rather sensitive there and he sure as hell wasn't an expert on dealing with human emotions. 

“Maybe not even ‘fair’. I guess I just want to treat you well,” he murmured and entered the bedroom, blindly following the black-haired man without thinking too much about where.

_ Have you started trusting him, Hyungwon? That's dangerous.  _

He couldn't bring himself to think about that too much. His human mask was getting tiring, a waste of energy considering that the other man knew already, so he abandoned it, senses sharpening and sweet scent intensifying. It was more pleasant this way, the way it was supposed to be.

_ It would be nicer if your awareness of his scent had stayed.  _

Hoseok let himself fall on top of the soft sheets, closing his eyes again. 

“Thank you for treating me well, I didn't mean to interrogate you, I just really-" The black haired man swallowed a couple of times, before licking his lips and continuing. “I just really want to understand you.”

Hyungwon smiled at that, crossing the distance to the bed and throwing himself on top of the other man. He weighed almost nothing so there was no way of that being a problem. Chuckling he stretched out his arms, one resting on top of Hoseok’s Adam’s apple, heart beat traceable through the warm skin of his wrist. 

“I want to understand you too. But it's really hard, although I've studied your kind for years. I always looked at how you interact with each other, not really with me.” 

Hoseok's muscular arms curled around him and pressed him closer while the cute nose with the heart shaped nostrils was trying to suck in his scent.

“Being with you makes me feel alive,” the other man whispered.

Hyungwon laughed at that and pulled at the first patch of skin he could reach, the other man's earlobe.

“That's rather ironic considering that most of the time you spend giving basically half of your life force to me, don't you think?” he asked and let go of the earlobe to intertwine his fingers with the black hair, genuinely enjoying the closeness and coolness of the other man's skin.

“You're worth it,” was the answer before Hoseok's lips found his and intensified the touch as if confirming the words.

_ So is he.  _

Licking over the curved mouth he accepted the touch just like the small spark of energy that transferred over to him, warming up his chest. There was also something positive to his lack of awareness as their touches were absolutely sufficient on their own. Hyungwon didn't feel the need to take everything the other man had, to taste his energy and leave him empty. Instead he was able to bask in the soft kisses and the cool touches.

_ It's so different without the need to take his life force.  _

“This is really nice,” he murmured against the curved lips and closed his eyes, focusing on the way the cold fingers felt on his back, clothing disturbing the sensation a little bit. “I really like how your cold hands feel against my skin, it blurs my senses.”

“I love touching you, the way your body feels when your naked skin touches mine, it's mind blowing. You're mind blowing.” Hoseok licked along his lips and nibbled on the lower one with his teeth while his muscular arms pressed his body closer, roaming over his back. It was different, letting a human touch him just like this, without taking their energy or pushing them away, without disappearing. 

He inhaled deeply to get more of that sweetness he enjoyed and kept his eyes closed, trying to understand what Hoseok liked about the lack of visual input so much. As the seconds passed it became more obvious, other senses sharpening to compensate for the lack of input, every breath that left the curved mouth much louder than before, just like every cool caress against his skin.

“I always thought that something must have been broken in your human wiring, something that makes you want to be with me, opposing your nature,” Hyungwon began, parting from the sweet lips but keeping their bodies close. “But now I think it's something different, something additional. There is no danger to you right now and it's as if you could tell there wouldn't be. It might be an additional skill. You fascinate me.”

He felt how Hoseok's lips kissed along his jugular and up to his face, placing incredibly soft, cool kisses against his cheeks, nose and closed eyes, shaky exhales hitting his skin. 

“You make me want to be with you. The way you are, your character, how you perceive and behave, you triggered my stubbornness and now I can't go back anymore. You're painting these minutes we spend together in colours I've never seen before. It's simply beautiful, just like your eyes.” The words were whispered against his skin while Hoseok’s mouth was exploring his body, visibly bothered by the fabric.

The spoken meaning felt heavy on his chest, warmth that had absolutely nothing to do with the bead spread through him and filled out his fingertips, awakening one simple but rather detrimental thought. 

_ He'll be hurt when you leave. _

Hyungwon swallowed, not sure how to feel about the significance of the thought and how to change his behavioural patterns. There wasn't much that he could do apart from leave. It was a circle, he couldn't interrupt it. 

“You can undress me if you like,” he breathed out, voice loud in his own ears. There was no particular reason for him saying the words apart from the knowledge that it was something the black-haired man wanted, a lot.

“But do you want me to undress you?” Hoseok asked in return, sucking his lower lip into his cool mouth.

_ Do you? _

He contemplated the wish, remembering the feeling of the cool pale skin against his, touches tender and pleasant. Hyungwon had never really cared much for clothes, only succumbing to the habit because of societal norms. 

“I do,” he replied and opened his eyes, staring at the dark brown ones.

Hoseok didn't answer and simply turned them both, such that he landed on his back while the muscular body was hovering over him. Hyungwon didn't resist, without his muscles even tensing at the sudden motion as if it knew that nothing dangerous could have happened. 

_ You trust him.  _

He stared at the other man, observing the pretty features, the small nose, the curved lips, corners raised interestingly and the rather big eyes. Hoseok was objectively very beautiful and pleasant to look at. Had he been living a few centuries earlier there would have been a painter to create his portrait, remaining for ages to come.

“Someone should paint you,” he murmured and reached out to brush away a black strand of hair that was covering the dark brown eyes.

“I should paint you,” Hoseok whispered and pulled up his white shirt, head immediately sinking down and cool lips attaching to his naked skin. The black-haired man licked over his collarbones and blew cool air over his nipple, lips immediately closing around it.

Hyungwon hissed at the sensation, keeping his eyes open because he didn't want to drown in the feeling yet, watching the way the pretty lips closed around his skin. 

“Pleasure is not instinctive in humans, is it?” he asked suddenly, wondering about the other man's motivations behind his actions. Was it something inherent? Humans appeared to differ when it came to mating behavior, some changing partners while others stayed with the same one. Sometimes feelings were involved and sometimes they weren't. Hyungwon had never really bothered to delve into it, but now it seemed more important than ever. “What's your motivation to do this? It can't be offspring.”

The pleasing sensation left him as he heard something new for the first time. It was Hoseok laughing with his mouth open while the dark brown eyes turned into small crescent moons. It was pleasant to see somehow, a sight he wanted to repeat. 

“It's not instinctive, it depends on a lot of things. I would never chase pleasure just because it's pleasure. It's very important who the person is and what kind of relationship I have towards him, how he smells, what the touch feels like. It's very individual I think.”

“So it has to be a him for you? You're lucky that you live now and not a few tens of years ago.” Hyungwon couldn't help the shudder as the memory of how same sex love had been treated by humans in the past returned to the surface of his mind, fingers curling involuntarily. He tried to distract himself by redirecting his eyes to the handsome face, registering it's features instead of the details of the unpleasant memory. “So you need to share a special bond with that person in order to want to be sexually close? What is your bond to me?”

“I love you,” Hoseok answered, lips immediately going back to his skin, licking over it and sucking on sensitive spots.

Hyungwon couldn't help the way his eyes widened at the utterance. Sure, it had no personal significance for him but he knew exactly what it meant for humans, what implications it carried, what behaviours it involved. 

_ He loves you. That's why he sacrifices so much, wishes to be with you. You're going to hurt him, Hyungwon.  _

He swallowed, reaching for the beautiful man and stroking over the soft hair, careful to not apply too much pressure.

“But why?” he couldn't resist asking, turning the beautiful face such that it looked at him instead of evoking pleasuring sensations. “Why me? Aren't you meant to fall in love with humans? I'm everything but, Hoseok. This isn't even my original form. I don't understand. I- I don't want to hurt you.”

“You know what the essence of human existence is? It's the ambivalence, we can only be happy when we are sad, because the sadness puts the change in state in perspective. As much as I'm happy right now I'm going to be sad. I'm okay with it, that's how life is.” The dark brown eyes were full of affection towards him, creating a strange pulling inside his chest.

There was something heavy to the situation despite the black-haired man saying he was happy. The ambivalence was unpleasant, irrational, it shouldn't have been there. It sounded like every little spark of happiness that was created in the other man would be followed by sadness, crippling sadness with the same intensity as the joy before it. 

“Why would humans do this to themselves? Is the happiness really worth it?” He pulled Hoseok back up by holding onto his face, still careful to not apply too much pressure and placed a short kiss against his lips. “Is this really worth the pain?”

The low voice hummed in agreement.

“Why are you doing this to yourself? I mean being here with me right now. Because it doesn't matter anyway?”

Hyungwon felt a bitter smile pull at the corners of his mouth, a reminder that all of it had stopped being meaningless a long time ago. 

“No, because time heals everything, Hoseok. Even the most viscous and burning pain.”

“I hope that you know what you're talking about after living for such a long time.” The other man looked hesitant before leaning in and kissing his lips again. Breaking the contact right after, Hoseok pulled the black shirt over his head and removed Hyungwon's white one. Propping up on both arms, the muscular man came closer, bridging only a couple of centimetres with the flexing muscles until he could feel the cool body almost touching his own while Hoseok’s curved lips exhaled against his roughly.

“It's always been like that, Hoseok. I take the memories and lock them away and the more time passes the easier it is,” he replied and yearned to taste the other man's kiss, bridging the last bit of distance until he could finally feel it, warmth spreading in his chest and tongue immediately licking over the soft lips. Parting he glanced up again, trying to see if the sensation was similar for the black-haired man. “But it's different with humans. You can't predict the intensity of the consequences. You think that the happiness is worth it but when the pain comes you wish for it to never have been there in the first place, to never have met the person. I'm not like that, Hoseok. I don't regret.”

“So you didn't read it. Not till the end at least.” Hoseok smiled and let his weight rest a little more on Hyungwon's body. “The pain is the most valuable one. It makes you learn and gives your positive experiences and emotions a perspective, Hyungwon. There was not even one second where I wished to turn back time and not get cancer, and not fight it while losing things and people on the way. But people are also selfish, I don't want you to leave. I can't.” The low voice was strangely emotional, cool fingers tightening in the fabric of the white sheets. 

_ He doesn't regret? But all humans do. _

“You're really different, Hoseok,” he murmured and leaned in to place a kiss on the small nose, both eyes and finally the lips. It was very affectionate but it felt right somehow. “I think you matter to me.”

“You make my life so much more worth living, giving me every possible experience and making me so happy and sad. I hope I'm somehow adding worth to your eternal life too. Although it's probably bullshit.” Hoseok closed his eyes suddenly, biting down on his own lower lip painfully.

_ It's not bullshit. _

Hyungwon examined the handsome face carefully, before leaning in and licking over the area the other man had bruised, arm curling around the naked, pale skin. 

“Will you let me stay here for the night?” he asked, not sure what had brought about the desire to stay, time passing rapidly and taking away time that the other man should have been sleeping to refill his resources. “I want to.”

Something in the brown eyes changed and a sad smile spread over Hoseok's handsome features.

“I would want you to stay next to me until I fade into nothingness.” 

Looking at the beautiful man Hyungwon wished for the very first time that it wouldn't happen. He wished that the other man wouldn't fade into nothing, disappear from this world. Instead he wished that Hoseok would stay just like that, cool skin pressed against his.   
  
For eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 25th of June at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'What is this, Hyungwon? What do you want from him?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> 

 

_ ‘I probably seem selfish to you, don't I? Wishing for you to stay next to me, although you have an eternity in front of you and I must be just like a grain of sand that brushes your skin, making you look back but you still walk away, because it seems like nothing to you. _

_ It would make sense if that was the case.  _

_ But is it really? _

_ You’re just sleeping in the next room but I can still feel your hot skin, your long fingers brushing away my hair, so tender, almost affectionate, the way you spoke those words with your beautiful low voice still sends sparks down my spine. I wish I could spend every second with you. _

_ Time seems so much more valuable now and death doesn't act like an old friend staying beside me, but like an annoying one, waiting to take my time from me, the time I want to fill with your presence. The time that never belonged to me in the first place. _

_ I still want to fill it with you, for as long as I can.  _

_ Have you been in love before, Hyungwon? _

_ Are you able to fall in love?  _

_ To fall in love with the sandgrain that is me?’  _

Hoseok swallowed and closed the old notebook to put it in the first drawer inside his desk.

_ Why do you want him to fall in love with you, Hoseok? You wanted him because he didn't care about you and now he apparently does. Instead of preventing him  from it, you're trying to get more. Why are you like this? _

He didn't know. The proximity and every minute he had spent with the pink-haired being had given his life additional sensations and painted his perceptions in beautiful colours. 

He felt selfish, not knowing what to give back because there seemed to be nothing Hyungwon didn't have or might have wanted from him.

_ Besides your energy.  _

_ But he already took it. _

The realization hit him like a brick. Hyungwon must've had enough such that his thirst was clenched. He probably also stopped smelling him all the way.

_ Is that why he looked through the window? _

The situation didn't make sense. Why was the beautiful creature sleeping in his bed instead of doing whatever? His energy couldn't be the reason.

_ Are you the reason? _

_ Shit. _

Hoseok stood up and walked over to his bedroom. Hyungwon was sleeping soundly, absolutely naked and curled up in his black blanket. The other man looked stunning, pink hair sprawled over the pillow and nose buried in his hands, inhaling loudly once in a while.

_ Once every minute. _

He closed the distance to the bed and kneeled down, studying the beautiful face in front of him. Hyungwon's eyes were closed, long pink eyelashes throwing tiny shadows on the golden skin of his cheek. Isolating his index finger Hoseok slid over the other man's eyelids to the temple and higher towards the small, curved ear. Suddenly it jerked a little at the touch. It was something Hoseok hadn't seen before.

_ He can move his ears. Another thing on the list. _

Hyungwon was gorgeous. The more Hoseok looked at him, the more special features caught his eye and were qualified to receive all of his love, just like the small, funnily curled ear that apparently jerked at his touch.

_ He's here because of you. _

Hoseok licked over his lips and leaned in, touching Hyungwon's plump mouth with his own, sensation pleasant and so incredibly soft, causing warmth to travel up his chest.

The slim body jerked just like the lips that he was touching with his own as Hyungwon's eyes opened wide, one blue and one brown. A hand immediately rose and buried itself in his hair, but it wasn't a pleasant motion, rather it was meant to keep him in place as the pink-haired being broke the kiss and stared at him, inhaling deeply. 

Time passed until the grip around his head finally loosened and Hyungwon sighed, letting go completely and closing his eyes as he turned over and curled around the blanket that had only halfway covered his beautiful body.

“Did you try to eat me and go back to sleep afterwards? That's not how this works.” Hoseok chuckled and crawled on top of the bed, curling his arms around the stunning naked body and pressing a kiss against the hot nape.

There was a growl as Hyungwon tried to curl up further, reaching behind himself to press his palm flat against Hoseok’s nose and lips to keep him at a distance. It was hilarious and reminded him of those cat videos Changkyun liked to send him, with cats telling their owners to fuck off by putting a paw on their faces. 

“I didn't try to eat you, stupid human. I woke up and wondered what the fuck that soft thing attached to my face was and decided to hold on to it to find out before it ran away,” the pink-haired man murmured, visibly still attempting to go back to sleep with how he curled his whole body around the blanket and removed his hand from Hoseok’s face.

“Well maybe I tried to eat you.” Hoseok grinned and kissed down from the pink-haired man's nape, along his neck to his thin shoulders.

Hyungwon laughed loudly at that, suddenly rising up in a matter of seconds and pinning Hoseok to the bed, both hands safely surrounded by long fingers that kept them attached to the mattress. Sitting down on top of him the pink-haired man grinned, obviously awake now, and leaned down. 

“I’d love to see you try, bunny,” he whispered against Hoseok’s lips.

_ What bunny? _

“Fine, maybe I can't eat you but I can definitely make you growl. You'd have to sit down properly for that though.” Hoseok couldn't help a chuckle and slid his gaze over Hyungwon's extremely arousing, naked body. When his eyes returned to the pretty face there was confusion written all over it. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” the pink-haired being asked and narrowed the grip around Hoseok’s wrists as he made himself heavier, pushing his ass down on his legs. It was probably meant to keep him in place.

“Just like this, but while I'm inside you.” Hoseok rolled his hips upwards and licked over his lips, fighting his own arousal that tingled inside his groin.

The mismatched eyes widened as Hyungwon simply stared at him for a few seconds, words visibly travelling through the pretty pink head but not resulting in an answer yet. Licking his lips eventually the beautiful man leaned back, eyes narrowing again after the previous surprise. 

“Inside me?” he asked carefully. “Excuse me but the only picture that my brain is able to create is Leonardo DiCaprio sleeping inside a dead horse to stay warm. That was a rather impressive human work of art and accurate.”

_ He really hadn’t had sex before. He probably didn't need it. _

_ Doesn't mean he wouldn't enjoy it. _

“I'm not going to sleep inside your dead body, Hyungwon. How can you live for a thousand years and ignore sex? Wow.” He stared at the mesmerizing eyes, using the moment when Hyungwon wasn’t paying attention to the strength Hoseok was exerting on his wrists and freed himself, pushing the slim hips over his erection and thrusting up a little. “Like this, only with my dick inside you, because it feels much better.”

The pink-haired being gasped at the sudden action before pinning his hands right back and growling in his face, eyes narrowed. Hyungwon seemed to dislike surprise actions.

_ Fuck, he's so hot. _

“How do you know what I would consider nice?” he hissed before rolling his eyes and pursing his lips in dissatisfaction, hands remaining tight around Hoseok’s wrists. “I didn't live without sex for several thousand years, I saw lots of it, enough to last me longer than a few lifetimes. I also had lots of it for that matter, just differently.”

Hoseok thrust upwards with a smirk on his face because he didn't need his wrists for the action, body knowing exactly what to do and how to do it.

“Shit, you're hot when you growl, makes me want to see it again. I don't know for sure but I can imagine. You like pleasure, you're able to feel it and I'm able to provide it, it's as simple as that.”

It was fascinating how the defensive facial expression changed as time ticked by, eyes widening and returning to their normal form as Hyungwon licked over his teeth and began chewing on his cheek, appearing intrigued by the outlook of pleasure. 

“You seem confident,” the pink-haired being remarked as his right hand let go of Hoseok’s wrist and pulled at his hair instead, bringing his head up a little, enough for Hyungwon to exhale in his face. “Empty promises make me angry.”

“Do they? Well- I am pretty confident. I can show you a glimpse first if you want to.” Hoseok caught the  other’s plump bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth before letting go.

Hyungwon definitely looked curious at this point, shifting on top of him and licking over his lips again. That was until the beautiful man tilted his head and smirked suddenly. 

“But how would you know? You never have sex and rarely meet anybody.” It was apparently very difficult to get foxes to have sex because they simply loved throwing one's lack of social contacts and current non-existent sex life right into one's face.

_ You never felt the need to get a fox to have sex in the first place. Ouch. _

“That's because I have standards. I'm pretty sure I had more sex than you during the last fifteen years so trust me. I'll do the same as last time, only with a little add on.” He smirked back while licking his lips. Shit, he really wanted to touch and taste Hyungwon again.

“That's an unfair calculation!” Hyungwon exclaimed and let go of his hair, just to trap him in a fierce grip again, hands disabled. “I never bothered to have sex in my human form. Why would I? Sex had a purpose before, it doesn't as a human. In addition, fifteen years? How old were you, thirteen?” It seemed like the beautiful being was stalling for time, thighs tight around Hoseok’s hips but hands unwilling to allow him to act yet.

“Too bad you're still discussing it although you could be feeling my mouth around your dick by now. But whatever gets you going, Mr. Fox.” Hoseok was stubborn and he loved provoking, it was easier like this.

Hyungwon's slim hips shifted on top of him again as the firm grip loosened slowly, applying no pressure at all while the beautiful man continued sitting on his dick and staring at him, chewing on his lower lip.

“Show me pleasure then,” he whispered eventually, body obviously reacting to the thought alone, erection beautifully lifted up and straight. “I'll rip you to shreds if I don't like it.”

“Fine.” He freed his hand and reached for the bedside drawer to take out the bottle of lube, leaving it right next to his hips.

“Crawl up and fuck my mouth, I'll do the rest.” He shuddered a little at the low tone of his own voice and licked his lips, anticipation travelling down his limbs.

Hyungwon hesitated for a few seconds before he did as he was told and crawled up slowly, lean thighs sliding over the skin of Hoseok’s sides and chest. As if the pink-haired man wished to warn him he lifted his right hand, quick wrist movement sufficient to pull out his claws, sharp as fuck and appearing to be rather painful if put over or under someone's skin. Considering the sight enough of a warning, the beautiful man pulled them back and grabbed the headboard with one hand as he reached for Hoseok’s face with the other, and placed his thumb between the curved lips, parting them. 

It was amazing how little consideration Hyungwon showed as he lined up, just glancing into Hoseok’s eyes shortly before he pressed down with his thumb and slid into his mouth slowly. Fingers immediately intertwined with the black strands of his hair, pulling harshly as the gorgeous man spread his legs a little wider.

_ Fuck. This is so fucking hot. _

Hoseok relaxed his throat and let Hyungwon move. Tightening his lips around the attractive erection, he hummed and grabbed Hyungwon's ass with both hands, squeezing it and pushing forward. His ears were graced with a moan as the thin thighs flexed around him in response, grip in his hair tightening almost painfully.

“Fuck,” Hyungwon gasped and sped up, motions still as smooth but more rapid as a scratching noise filled the air, suspiciously resembling claws on wood.

_ You can't tell him off for ruining your furniture can you? _

_ But you can make him growl. _

Hoseok stretched his hand towards the bottle lying next to him, grabbing it and covering three of his fingers sufficiently. He reached behind Hyungwon, waiting for the right moment and humming against the erection inside his mouth, lips tightening around the tip. After an especially loud moan he slid a digit in and curled it downwards immediately, thinking about the claws while mind blowing heat enveloped his hand. 

He had wanted to hear Hyungwon growl and that's exactly what he got as the lean body on top of him tensed completely and the long fingers almost ripped his hair out, pain conjuring white dots in front of his eyes. The scratching noise stopped, just like every movement, hips remaining frozen. Only the pink-haired man's loud exhales still continued on, rough and rather frequent.

Hoseok ignored the pain and sucked on the hard erection inside his mouth, tracing the veins and pressing against Hyungwon's prostate that seemed to be slightly easier to find and bigger in size compared to what he knew.

It was fascinating how Hyungwon's whole body contracted at the motion, head leaning forward to rest his forehead against the wall suddenly just as the grip on his black hair tightened further. The pink-haired being didn't pull but the hold must have been enough to turn his knuckles a deadly white. The other hand was firmly attached to the headboard, digging into the wood. It was mesmerizing to watch. Groaning loudly Hyungwon moved his hips towards the finger inside him instead of the curved mouth, preference clear.

_ Imagine being this lucky. _

Hoseok leaned in, deepthroating the handsome man while adding another finger and pressing roughly, hoping that Hyungwon would be able to take it.

Instead of showing pain the gorgeous man growled again, reacting to the pleasure, as the slim hips pushed down forcefully, meeting Hoseok’s movement. Hyungwon's long fingers let go of his hair and joined the other hand on the headboard, visibly needing more support than pulling the black strands was able to give him. 

“Shit,” the low voice murmured, eyes closed and forehead still pressed to the white wall, as if the pink-haired being wasn't able to say anything else or even hold up his head.

“I'm going to add another one and then you're going to be a good fox and come in my mouth,” Hoseok groaned after letting Hyungwon go for a second.

There was just a quick nod as the beautiful man kept his eyes closed and exhaled roughly, only to growl again and push his hips down in frustration, impatience obvious. The scratching noise resumed with the same intensity in which the lean thighs tightened around his body, applying a ridiculous amount of pressure.

“If you stop I'll rip you apart,” Hyungwon hissed, voice low and dangerous despite the nature of what he was asking for.

“I won't stop either way,” Hoseok replied and took Hyungwon's erection into his mouth, slipping the third digit inside and pressing against the sensitive spot while his lips tightened around the other man's tip.

Hyungwon screamed, head thrown even further forward, almost slamming against the wall with the harsh movement that followed the pleasure the other man must have been feeling. He was scratching over the wood violently and whimpering right after, body visibly yearning for more, meeting each pump of his fingers. It was overwhelming, the way the pink-haired man responded to each touch, groaning loudly. A few rough thrusts of his hand were perfectly sufficient to make the body above him contract as the gorgeous man buried himself as far as he could between Hoseok’s lips and released himself, body almost collapsing right after and strength fading like water through a drain.

Removing his fingers carefully and wiping them on a nearby tissue, Hoseok sucked his way up and pulled the beautiful body down on himself, curling his arms around it.

Hyungwon was drawing sharp breaths and clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly, body temperature hot, but not as hot as it had been inside of the gorgeous man.

“Give it back,” the pink-haired being hissed suddenly and buried his fingers in Hoseok’s shoulder, pain rushing through him instantly as wide eyes settled on his, one a deep ice-blue colour.

_ Give back? The energy? _

Hoseok hissed at the unusually painful sensation but lifted his upper body, stopping right in front of Hyungwon's beautiful differently coloured eyes.

“Then take it, but don't you dare try using your bead magic mumbo jumbo for that. Be creative.”

The mesmerizing eyes widened suddenly, like the comment confused the other man. 

“I only get energy by taking it with the bead, getting kissed and touched by you or by drinking your blood.” Smirking the pink-haired man removed his hand from Hoseok’s shoulder and licked over the muscles, tongue passing over the small red marks. Inhaling deeply Hyungwon looked back up and pinned him to the bed again, holding his wrists in place while a grin spread on the pretty features. “And when you come.”

_ That's easy then. _

“Thirsty? You shouldn't be after this. I have an egoistic preference towards the last one.” Hoseok grinned and licked over his lips.

“I'm just hungry, bunny,” Hyungwon whispered against his lips as he made his way down Hoseok’s body. Grabbing both of his wrists between his long fingers the pink-haired man kept them at his side as he used his free hand to unbutton and unzip Hoseok’s jeans. Pulling them down his pale hips the other man didn't hesitate much before licking a stripe from the base to the tip.

“Fuck, Hyungwon, what are you so fucking hot for?” Hoseok moaned at the attention. It had been pretty hard to remain untouched by all that had been going on in front of his face. Literally.

“I gotta get my energy somehow, don't I?” Hyungwon murmured with a chuckle as he dipped his tongue into the slit, watching Hoseok’s expression as if he wanted to know whether he enjoyed it. “What do you like, Hoseok? I'm willing to invest a little more before I get it back.”

“I like your plump lips around me and the way you scratch me when you're into it. I'd also very much like to feel your body around my dick.”

_ And him to stay with you. Not to go and not to leave you behind. _

Hoseok put on a playful grin to mask his thoughts.

“I'm not coming again any time soon, Hoseok. For that you would have to spoil me with energy first,” the beautiful man between his legs remarked and spread them a little wider to have more space. “I wish I wouldn't lose energy though.” Muttering quietly Hyungwon placed a few kitten licks on Hoseok’s tip before sucking it into his mouth, moving downwards until it hit the back of his throat.

“Maybe it's different when I'm inside you, shouldn't it be a cycle then?” Hoseok said, voice breathy before moaning loudly, hand curling around Hyungwon's wrist. The plump lips only narrowed around him as the beautiful man increased his pace, sliding up and down his erection with quick motions, forsaking breathing to pleasure him.

_ He can hold his breath for five minutes. Wow. _

Hoseok couldn't help the sounds, hissing and groaning repeatedly, licking his lips and pushing Hyungwon further into his crotch by thrusting upwards.

“Fuck, Hyungwon, I'm close.”

The pink-haired man hummed in response as the sensation of something sharp moved along Hoseok’s shaft, hands still tightly restricted between the other man's fingers. Closing his eyes Hyungwon moved all the way down, ignoring his gag reflex and sucking sharply, Hoseok’s pleasure only magnified by the slight sensation of teeth.

The feeling was overwhelming, coil inside him tightening as he released himself with a low moan of Hyungwon's name. 

Swallowing immediately the beautiful being released his hands and curled lean arms around his neck, kissing him.

“Is your shoulder fine?” the low voice whispered against his lips, hostile attitude wiped away like a dirty spot on a window. “I apologise for getting angry. The loss is opposed to my nature, so I'm a little- a little sensitive. The bead just lets go of it as if it's nothing. It's ridiculous actually.”

The pain returned as soon as the orgasm passed, pulling at the strings of his endurance.

“It's fine, Hyungwon. Just stay,” he murmured, spilling his previous thoughts as if it was nothing.

“I did, didn't I?” Hyungwon murmured, kissing his lips before looking up, beautiful mismatched eyes meeting his. “But I have a shooting later today.”

“Mhm it's fine. You have the key if you want to come back.” 

Suddenly the bell rang, ripping them out of the beautiful bubble. His thoughts battled each other before he had a realization.

_ Changkyun. You have three minutes, he'll open the door. _

Hoseok took Hyungwon's face in both palms and kissed the other man roughly, tongue immediately sliding into the hot mouth and giving the other man energy. Hopefully.

“It's Changkyun, he has a key,” he whispered after letting go. 

The beautiful eyes widened before the sensation of heat under his fingertips disappeared and Hyungwon got dressed, figure almost a blur with the speed he used. 

“Take care and don't be sad,” the handsome man commented as he simply opened the window and jumped out.

_ Holy fuck. _

His estimate was right as he heard the lock open, just as he was able to pull up his pants and close the zipper. Jumping up from the bed he already saw Changkyun’s angry face appearing in the hallway.

“Can't I have a quiet suspension? I'm sad enough, I don't need you to tell me off,” Hoseok murmured while searching for his shirt.

“Why didn't you pick up? Why didn't you answer? Why didn't you open the fucking door although you're home and most importantly… why the fuck are you bleeding?” The black eyes widened and his best friend ran over, grabbing his shoulder and examining the wounds.

_ Shit. Have fun explaining that. _

“It's a long story,” he answered not having any proper answer besides that a fox in human form sunk his claws into his shoulders after orgasming, because of losing energy, followed by sucking him off and jumping out of the window. Fuck.

_ Maybe you're just dying and having pre-death lack of oxygen hallucinations. _

“This is not a game, Hoseok. I was playing along, meeting you on Thursdays only and staying away from you because you wanted me to and because you thought I would be less sad if you die. First of all, I won't. I will still be sad and traumatized because you're my best friend, independent of the frequency we're meeting each other. Second, I'm not doing it anymore because you've obviously lost your fucking mind and need a guardian.” His friend went to the kitchen so he walked after him, contemplating what to say. It was hard, he didn't have anything to say to it. Nothing that he could've told the other man.

“I'm sorry if it seems like that. I'm just having fun living these days, even more than before.” Hoseok decided to say the truth even if it was a very general truth that didn't explain anything.

Changkyun pulled antiseptic and band aid out of his medicine cupboard and walked up to him, throwing everything onto the counter.

“You're having fun living? You've had two semi broken wrists, your body looks abused and it's not just the shoulders, you have scratch marks everywhere. Your shoulders are bleeding and you closed yourself in with a patient not letting anyone in. This is not fun, it's serious, Hoseok.” Cursing, the other man wiped the leaking blood and disinfected the wounds, putting antiseptic cream on it and a thick bandage. 

_ He's right. You can't explain this. There's no way. _

“Can't you just trust me? Trust me that I'll make good decisions?” Hoseok asked, hissing at the pain he had ignored the whole time and threw his head back out of frustration at his helplessness.

“I trusted you with the patient, but it didn't go well. Hoseok what's wrong? Who does that to you?” His best friend pointed at his shoulder. 

_ Shit, you have to say something or it'll get suspicious as fuck. _

“I discovered that I like pain so I'm seeing a person who's willing to provide me with it. It brings me pleasure.”

_ BDSM, Hoseok? Really? You fucking genius. _

The other man's eyes widened in a mixture between shock and embarrassment while he continued staring at Hoseok, eyes jumping from his shoulders to other signs of Hyungwon's previous outbursts.

“Are you serious? You're into stuff like that? Since when?” Changkyun’s eyes narrowed, still not quite convinced.

“Since the cancer treatment, all the pain and needles made me feel alive so I kind of miss it, no big deal.” It sounded okay although he had just pulled it out of his ass. “I'm sorry about the patient, I wasn't myself, sorry. That won't happen again.” Hoseok smiled brightly and curled his arms around his only friend.

_ He's the only person you trust and you have to lie. It sucks. _

“Who's the person? I need to know to kick his ass if something happens to you. I won't leave you alone, Hoseok. You better tell me or I'll find out myself.” The black-haired man hugged him back, carefully leaving out the shoulders.

_ You can't tell him. You can't expose Hyungwon and you can't let Hyungwon touch Changkyun. Fuck. _

“I'll tell you later, I swear. It's a little tricky, but you don't have to worry about me.” He smiled showing teeth. 

“And why did you think that I don't have to worry?” The black eyes narrowed and Changkyun leaned back a little further. 

“Because I love this person. And he- he might like me too,” he whispered, throat closing up again. 

_ He might like you too. _

_ But why does it feel so sad? _

_  
  


Time ticked by and every second felt as if it was wasted as long as he didn't see the differently coloured eyes in front of him. The feeling of anger and sadness dominated his emotional state when he was alone, sitting at his desk and writing into the ancient notebook.

It was the first time that he started loving someone with a definite end in mind.

_ Like living with a definite end in mind. _

Two weeks passed and he watched his wounds disappear while the pain somehow stayed behind, reminding him of what he was missing. Changkyun had tried to talk to him about it multiple times but there was no point, he couldn't just say whatever and put Hyungwon in danger in addition to making him leave. The pink-haired model was working while he wasn't, sitting at home or working out like a crazy person, writing or thinking about how to solve something that was not up to him to solve.

_ What's the point in living as if the world is going to end, Hoseok? Just fucking do something. _

It was midnight and he ran along the empty streets, thanking his body for being in form before he arrived at the familiar house. He stopped in front of the large black door and rang, but no one opened. Sinking down to the ground he threw his head back against the heavy wooden door and tried to catch his breath.

_ You should've called. He's not there. _

Something in his lungs clenched at the sudden thought that the handsome man might have left without telling him. Suddenly breathing became difficult and he felt tears filling out his eyes, running down his cheeks and dropping down his sides like rain.

_ Shit. What if he's gone, Hoseok? _

The tears just kept running down, blurring his vision as he contemplated what to do, eyes closed and listening to the sound of birds chirping around him.

It was sudden when the sensation of heat spread through him, hot lips covering his for a few seconds before they disappeared. His vision blurred from the tears that had collected and ran down his face, unable to concentrate. He felt how hot fingers brushed over his cheeks, touch tender as his eyes were finally able to focus.

Familiar light brown orbs were staring at him, small smile playing on the plump, red lips. 

“Why are you crying, Hoseok?” the beautiful man asked, voice soft as his hand travelled from Hoseok’s cheek to his hair, stroking over it. “Shouldn't you be happy when you're around me, isn't that what you said?”

_ He's here. He didn't leave, Hoseok. _

He jumped up and curled his arms around Hyungwon's thin body, pressing it closer as if afraid that the other man would leave otherwise.

“I am. I just missed you,” he sniffed and wiped away another load of salty liquid that was flowing down his cheeks. Even when he had cancer he hadn't cried so much.

_ Someone might think he's worse than cancer. _

“Who the hell cries like this when they are happy?” Hyungwon asked with a laugh and hugged back, holding him tightly and continuously stroking over his head. “I thought about what missing might entail, you know. And if there is a discrepancy between emotions when the person is there and emotions when the person isn't, then I might just as well be missing you too. It's nicer when you're here. And not crying for that matter.” Still smiling the other man let a hot thumb brush over his cheek, collecting the tears that had formed and wiping them away. “So stop.”

“I have the feeling that I can't breathe when you're not here,” Hoseok whispered and buried his face in the crook of the other man's neck, sucking in his scent desperately.

Hyungwon didn't reply to that, merely continuing the pleasant motion of his hands and holding Hoseok close, temperature difference even more obvious in the cold air.

“Would you like to come in?” the pink-haired man asked eventually after the especially loud honking of a car in the parallel street, disrupting the cries of birds and reminding Hoseok that he was in the middle of the city, surrounded by people who kept moving and thinking, doing their jobs and meeting friends whereas he was standing in front of a house, hoping that time would stop.

“Yes.”

Hyungwon hummed and removed one arm from around Hoseok’s waist to pull the keys out of the back pocket of his jeans and open the door, stepping in without letting go of him and closing the heavy block of wood right after. 

“And now?” the other man asked, still smiling as he placed the keys on the surface of a drawer. “It's one in the morning. How come you aren't asleep?”

“I couldn't sleep, I have the feeling that I'm wasting time.” He stepped further into the apartment and sat down on a big brown couch, looking highly comfortable and covered with big cushions.

“Sleep isn't a waste of time because it refills your energy and enables you to do the things you like by giving you the strength to do them. Why would it be a waste of time?” Shrugging Hyungwon disappeared somewhere in the many rooms along the hallway and returned with two glasses of water, handing one to Hoseok as he emptied his immediately. “Even I sleep although technically I could do without. There is just something to the action that I find very calming and enjoyable, it helps me to process what happened that day.”

“Am I keeping you from it?” Hoseok asked carefully, feeling the tiredness in his limbs from barely sleeping over the past few days. He tried to push the feeling to the back and drank the water Hyungwon had offered him.

Chuckling the other man shook his head and sat down next to him, easily circling an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. 

“I usually sleep during the day, so this would be my h- awake time I guess.”

“Hunt? Hunt time?” Hoseok felt his eyes widening for no reason. He kept forgetting what Hyungwon was.

_ A fox. He's a fox, Hoseok. _

“Ehm, yeah I guess. The time I get energy. You could also call it ‘energy time’, whatever you prefer.” Hyungwon seemed a little uncomfortable saying it, probably because Hoseok was a human and the pink-haired being fed on humans.

“So has the fox been in love before?” Hoseok asked and turned around, eyes focusing on Hyungwon's and waiting for an answer.

“In love? Well- it's- I guess it's not really a concept for foxes if that's what you're asking about. There is mating and there is hunting and in between there is just filler time. I've seen humans be in love though, lots and lots,” the other man elaborated and reached for his glass although it was empty. Then he put it back and removed his arm from around Hoseok’s shoulders. Standing up Hyungwon grabbed the empty container and disappeared again, eventually returning with a filled one that he sipped on slowly. “It's kinda strange to hear you call me ‘fox’.”

“It's strange for me too. Do you identify as a fox, or a human? I mean you're living a life that's neither.” Hoseok observed Hyungwon's unusual movements, hinting that the other man had been uncomfortable with the topic.

“I'm neither,” the model said quietly as the light brown eyes looked up and met his. It was fascinating to watch how the brown colour of the left one began disintegrating, like pixels that changed their colour one by one, turning more and more blue until the feeling of an illusion disappeared and the ice-blue eye colour remained, watching him. 

“You're the most beautiful and mesmerizing being I've ever encountered. Maybe I should just die now, it won't get any better anymore,” he whispered, overwhelmed and emotions almost seeping through his skin.

“You're beautiful too, Hoseok, maybe your mind even more than your body.” Licking over his lips slowly Hyungwon sat down on the couch again, hot palm resting on Hoseok’s thigh. “There is a name for what I am, but humans tend to have misconceptions, as they do concerning everything.”

“What are you?” Hoseok whispered and placed his palm on top of Hyungwon's hot hand. There was a shift in the other man's gaze as he leaned a little closer, barely leaving space between their lips. 

“It's called a ‘Gumiho’ in Korean, ‘Kitsune’ in Japanese. I'm a nine-tailed fox, Hoseok.”

_ It's a myth, isn't it? Or not. _

“You're a Gumiho? But isn't it normally a woman? Or is it only the form?” His eyes widened as he remembered that the nine-tailed fox ate livers. “And you don't seem to eat livers.”

“I like raw meat though,” Hyungwon commented and shrugged, grin spreading his full lips. “In addition humans believed that the soul was in the liver so I guess that might have been their interpretation of me taking energy. Obviously the stuff about digging out hearts from graveyards and eating them isn't true either.” Suddenly something playful appeared on the pretty face as Hyungwon climbed up on the couch, knees touching Hoseok’s thighs. “And concerning Gumihos being women, well…”

The same impression that Hoseok had with the change in eye colour returned as Hyungwon's whole body appeared to be covered in small pixels, colours and positions rearranging. It felt like he wasn't watching a person but a screen that just decided to show him something different. The pixels took up less space, familiar pink hair colour remaining as it grew, covering the shoulders and part of the slim back. 

Once the image cleared completely Hoseok was met with a beautiful young woman, long pink hair gracing her back and full breasts. After a slim waist a curvy body followed, easy to see with the tight jeans Hyungwon had been wearing in addition to the loose t-shirt, almost uncovering a small shoulder because of the size difference. 

“That's just a matter of preference,” Hyungwon commented, voice higher than it had been but all of the facial features told Hoseok that it was him, the way the lips spread in a smile, the way the eyes widened and focused on him and the way the slim hand lifted to rest the pink head on top of it. 

_ Holy fuck. _

“I-" he paused, swallowing and looking over the female next to him. “I don't know how I feel about this.” He pointed at the full breasts and the overall form, eyes widening.

“Because of your sexuality?” Hyungwon asked casually and pulled his lips into a pout, slim fingers sinking into the long hair and adding volume to it. There was something natural to it, like Hyungwon knew how to act to appear authentic independent of the body he used. Giggling shortly the pink-haired being simply climbed on top of Hoseok, faces close. “Does that mean you're not sexually attracted to me when I change like this?”

_ What the fuck is this, Hoseok? He's not only making you confused but also your dick. _

“I mean you're beautiful, you really are, but I like your other form more,” he murmured, unsure what to say to that and how to act with a woman on his lap.

“Good, because so do I,” Hyungwon replied as the same game began again, image distorting until it rearranged into what he was used to. “This is my actual human form. Everything else is me adjusting it. I can look like you too, or like your friend, anybody basically. But this is me.”

Hoseok waited until the familiar face came back along with the beautiful, differently coloured eyes that looked at him with interest.

“I love you, Hyungwon,” he whispered. His fingers buried into the other man's sides, hot skin burning through the fabric and intense gaze setting him, all of him, on fire him.

“I know, I just wish you wouldn't, for your sake.”  
  


***

There was something inherently euphoric to the way the appearance of the familiar black-haired man at his door made him feel. Hyungwon hadn’t expected him to be there and even less had he expected the beautiful man to cry bitterly, tainted energy leaving the broad body with the salty tears that ran down the red cheeks. His behaviour hadn’t been rational, not really, taking Hoseok in and attempting to cheer him up somehow, to change topic and to get rid of the sadness that constantly danced around the bright blue energy.

_ You are happy that he came but you keep upsetting him. _

It felt like Hoseok was surrounded by something that wanted to take the brightness, something vicious and this time it wasn’t Hyungwon, not at all. Smiling and grinning he had continued conversation, teasing the other man with his lack of knowledge on the real nature of Gumihos and even transforming into a woman to show him what it was like.

_ But why would you show him even more than he already knows? _

Because Hoseok wasn’t going to reveal it. The black-haired man was going to keep his secret and could therefore be trusted with it. Hyungwon was finally able to talk about his abilities, his strengths, the effort they cost and how useful or annoying they could be. It felt freeing somehow, sitting on the muscular thighs and staring at the beautiful face, emotions lacing through every word that left the curved mouth.

It had felt easy, relaxing, like there was no pressure to act in a particular way or hide himself and his thoughts. Until Hoseok decided to give their interactions weight, heavy weight.

“I love you, Hyungwon,” the black-haired man whispered as he tightened his hands at Hyungwon’s sides, as if he wished to be closer although the words carried physical pain for him, more than just emotional significance.

_ Does it hurt him to love you? Is that why he was crying in front of your door? _

Hyungwon swallowed, keeping his mismatched eyes on the man below him, dark brown orbs focused on his own and lips slightly parted, emotional.

_ You’re going to leave and he will get hurt in the process. You don’t want him to get hurt. _

“I know, I just wish you wouldn't, for your sake,” Hyungwon murmured in reply, words tangy on his tongue, like he hadn’t wanted to pronounce them. But he did, the words were true. They had been exactly what was on his mind, the thought that the black-haired man would be better off without romantic feelings towards a being like him, towards someone who wasn’t meant to stay. 

_ You are already too involved, look at you, worrying about his well-being although you were the one who wanted to take his life and his memories. _

“Don't act as if you know anything about my sake, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Don't you dare assume that I'm better off without you. I'm not, I'll die.” A tear ran down Hoseok's pale cheek, dropping on the black shirt the other man was wearing and creating a dark stain on the fabric. Liquid dread spread through Hyungwon's body at the sight, like internal pain without a physical source. 

_ You’re making it worse. _

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Hyungwon exclaimed and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pressing the pretty face flush against his chest and hoping to remove the sadness somehow, to save the energy that kept getting tainted by his emotions. It hurt somehow, even if Hyungwon wasn’t the one who was feeling the sadness. “I just thought that you are constantly upset because of me, like now. Love hurts people so much, be it through emotions or even through something physical such as death. I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

“Pain is always better than nothing,” the black-haired man replied, muffled through the fabric Hyungwon was pressing the handsome face into. It was difficult not to smile at that, as it was something that he himself strongly believed in. Pain could be a distraction from nothingness. It could add a bit of change into life and make it easier to formulate and conceptualize a proper thought.

“You’re right,” he replied and stroked over the black hair, motion so familiar already with how often he had done it, calming the other man and drying the tears. He couldn’t stop the speed with which the bright blue light was tainted, ill and in need of removal, but he was able to stop the tears at least. 

_ Distract him, make him feel better. _

“Do you want to know why most Gumihos are women in folklore?”

“Tell me.” Hoseok leaned back and caught his gaze. Hyungwon felt a little bit of relief at the attention. No new tears were developing in the beautiful dark brown eyes and he wanted to keep it that way, distract the other man and give him something, even if it was information about himself and his kind.

“Back then it wasn’t common for women to run around alone at night, therefore they were more difficult to seduce. Pretending to be a woman and thereby stealing a kiss from a young wanderer or young master that took a walk was much easier. Of course there are also all those bride replacement stories, most of which are true as well. It was easy to kill the bride and pretend to be her to harvest the energy of the young man and only be found out in bed.” Hyungwon chuckled at how the info was related to them, stroking over the slightly blushed cheek. “That’s where the rule comes from. The one about not having sex with a human.”

“But I know already, although there's always more about you. I'm glad that you share it with me.” Shifting his hips, Hoseok sucked in a long breath and licked over his curved lips. “When I was a kid I was called weird a lot because I was fascinated by human anatomy and wasn't afraid of blood. The thing is, one doesn't have to be scared if one knows. The fear only comes from the unknown.” The black-haired man smiled.

“That’s why you don’t get freaked out when I cover you with blood? Interesting. Does that mean you will be less and less afraid the more you know?” Hyungwon felt fascinated by how open minded Hoseok was, not easily scared or brought out of concept by the information he was bombarded with. It was mesmerizing and made him want to know more, more about why the black-haired man was the way he was.

_ That’s why he only got curious, checking your genes instead of staying as far away as possible. _

_ As he should have.  _

“Aren’t you freaked out by the fact that I have nine tails?”

“Well it's hypothetical knowledge, I've never seen them. I've seen your eyes and your teeth, your claws, not the rest yet. And yes, I'm not scared of you, I want to know more about you.” The unique human under him leaned forward and kissed his lips. Hyungwon responded immediately, thighs tightening around Hoseok’s hips at the contact as he was still sitting on top of the black-haired man.

“I can show you if you like,” he exhaled against the delicious lips before closing the distance again, licking inside the cool mouth and loving the way it sped up his heartbeat and changed his breathing frequency, physiological signs telling him that he enjoyed every second of it, wanting more. “If you tell me more about yourself too.”

“I want to see it,” Hoseok breathed against his mouth and sucked his lower lip into the curved mouth. Letting go after a couple of seconds, the handsome man leaned back a little. “What do you want to know?”

_ He is going to share with you. It’s perfectly fair, Hyungwon. Knowing more about him won't change anything anymore. _

He had already allowed too much change for that little bit to matter. 

“Why are you so fearless? What makes you throw yourself into danger so carelessly? Why would you fall for someone like me?” Hyungwon swallowed, questions popping up one after the other, mind overflowing from possibilities of formulations and knowledge that he would have loved to have. “Why did you become a surgeon? Why do you have exactly one friend? I am fascinated by human life paths and I would love to know yours.”

Hoseok chuckled at the onslaught of questions and rested both palms on Hyungwon's thighs.

“Wow, five questions, I thought it would be nine, one for each tail,” the other man's low voice commented and he sucked in a breath.

“I'm fearless because there's nothing to fear and there's no point, it won't change the outcome and it simply ties us up, restricting movement and the possibility to see and to know something new. In general there is danger everywhere, living is dangerous, I'm not throwing myself into it, I'm curious and stubborn. I love you because you make me feel emotions I couldn't feel before. You make me explore myself and think thoughts I didn't think before I met you. You make me a better version of myself, I love it.” 

After a short break Hoseok continued, visibly thinking about his questions. 

“I became a surgeon because fixing an organ is easy. I was able to help people with something I was good at, preventing death sometimes and giving people more time on this earth just by fixing what's broken. I love it.” A big smile spread on the handsome features at the mention of the profession, Hoseok must've really liked.

“I only have one friend because my other friends fucked off while I was ill, just like my ex-boyfriend by the way, so Changkyun was the only one who stayed and whom I let stay with me. He's special.”

At first glance the words appeared emotionally distant, like a protection mechanism to avoid painful reactions and tears, remembering unpleasant memories. It was painfully familiar, but still the other man appeared to be glad about owning the experiences, thankful for having lived through them. Although he had been abandoned. 

_ He isn’t bitter at all, not in the slightest. _

Hyungwon kept feeling more and more fascinated with the mesmerizing man who’s thighs he was sitting on while the curved lips told him a complex story of constantly being disappointed but remaining positive. It was strange to say the least.

_ He doesn’t blame them at all although you would have taken their energy and left them empty by now. _

Leaning in he placed a short kiss against the other's curved mouth, licking over his bottom lip once and placing another kiss on the small nose. It cost him energy but somehow it wasn’t comparable to what he knew the other man was willing to give him if necessary. It felt pathetic to be upset about such a tiny amount.

“How do you manage to be so calm and composed despite having lost so much, including your love and friends? Most humans that have lost turn bitter. They hate everything that hurt them and forced them into their current situation. They seek revenge or to destroy the perpetrators. You aren’t like that at all, you even sound like you don’t blame your previous friends and your lover for leaving.” Inhaling the sweet scent Hyungwon focused on the dark eyes again, trying to see if there was more than met the eye, even more to the beautiful man than he thought. “Why, Hoseok? What makes you so strong?”

_ You killed the only person that managed to hurt you. The one that hurt you enough to be unable to forget it, returning although you locked it away with the other memories.  _

_ All of this while he simply forgave the one that hurt him. _

“If you take a plant- you know how strong they can be? Ripping through the concrete and whatnot. They can only do it because they don't bother to blame their surroundings. Like this they can focus their energy on growing instead. I just don't see the point, because those people are gone and I'm still here, so I'll concentrate my energy on growing as a person. I'll have to die alone anyway.” 

Hyungwon’s eyes widened at the words and the change in perspective. Hoseok compared himself to a living being that didn’t possess consciousness, using a positive feature to explain his behaviour.

_ But nobody can ignore what is around them, not even the plants once the surroundings become intrusive. _

Licking over his lips he leaned forward again, the wish to kiss the other man only growing with each passing second, to feel the cool skin against his and to feel the affection.

“So you save your energy just to give it to someone like me willingly?” he asked as his lips travelled along the sharp jaw, tongue licking along the prominent veins until he reached the earlobe, sucking it into his mouth.

“Yes, I don't even know how to explain it to you. Imagine it like interacting with someone and not having a bad, hurtful or negative thought towards this being. That's how I feel about you, everything I feel is just so beautiful and intense. No matter whether you hiss at me or sink your claws into my shoulders, there's no negativity I feel. I just love you.” Hoseok exhaled sharply at his ministrations, fingers tightening at his waist.

_ He’s beautiful. _

“That’s-” Hyungwon didn’t know what to say, words stopping before he could finish his sentence, senses tingling at the proximity although nothing had changed in the past few minutes apart from the questions that had been answered. As he leaned back to look at the black-haired man again the wish to kiss and be close was almost overwhelming, memories of the way Hoseok had made him feel filling his head, and reminding him of the unrestrained affection the other had showed, independent of whether Hyungwon hurt him or not. He could feel his temperature rise up at the thought, hands reaching for the pale skin to feel more, to have it closer. “You make me want to touch you. I don’t know what to say to that, Hoseok. I- I just want to be close. Touch me.”

One of Hoseok's cold hands left his waist and stroked along his shoulder and up to his neck, fingers intertwining with the stands of his pink hair. The black-haired man leaned in and parted his lips with his cool tongue, licking into his mouth and drowning him in energy. Again. 

_ He keeps giving everything, but what about you? _

Hyungwon couldn’t help the gasp that left him, absolutely unrelated to the amount of blue light that his body absorbed. His hands tingled with the wish to return the touch, to feel cool skin under his fingertips, so he reached out, moving below the black t-shirt and tracing the other man’s ribs.

_ You don’t even care about the energy he gives you, Hyungwon. What is this? Why are you fine with this? _

His heart was hammering in his chest as he opened his eyes, seeing how Hoseok kept his own closed, kissing him intently. It was fascinating to see, no other intentions present apart from feeling the kiss. It wasn’t only the human in front of him who was overwhelmed and caught in the simple emotions that the situation carried, but it was also himself. 

There was no desire to take energy he could see, to rip it from the muscular body. Instead Hyungwon only wanted to be close to the black-haired man, to feel the affection that was directed at him independent of whether Hoseok knew his identity or not.

_ You want to be close to him, independent of whether he can give you energy. _

“Thank you,” he whispered into the kiss, hands automatically scratching along the pale skin as he pressed his thighs together and tried to be closer. He didn’t know whether the other man would understand what he was thankful for, but he hoped it would become obvious on its own. The desire to feel the same intensity he had the last time was almost overwhelming as he pulled at the black fabric of the t-shirt, wanting it gone as he moved his hips forward. He didn't care what Hoseok needed to take to make it happen. 

_ You want to be close to him, independent of whether he takes yours, Hyungwon. _

Hoseok grabbed his lower body with both hands, pulled him further into his lap and stood up while holding him in place and walked towards the bedroom. After kicking the heavy door open, the black-haired man closed the distance to the bed and let Hyungwon's body hit the sheets carefully as he crawled on top of him, lips tasting every bit of skin they could find. 

Closing his eyes at the way the cool skin met his Hyungwon hissed, hands moving over Hoseok’s abdomen, dissatisfied with the fabric that still covered it partially. Ripping the black t-shirt with ease he threw the remains to the side and scratched along the smooth surface, biting down on his lower lip.

_ It’s not enough. _

Hoseok leaned back and grabbed the collar of his white shirt, muscles tensing at the movement and ripping the fabric after a couple of seconds.

The relief was instant, knowledge that the black-haired man wanted the same euphoria that washed through him. 

“Good that I can do the same, although I'm not as effective,” the low voice commented before Hoseok's soft lips attached to his naked skin, kissing and sucking on it while the cool palms were stroking along his hips before opening his pants.

“Just take everything off,” Hyungwon murmured and buried his hands in the black strands, undecided whether he wanted the other man to explore his body with his lips or remain close to his own, kissable at all times. His legs spread automatically although it wasn’t really helpful to take his pants off, lips parting and body reacting with immediate arousal. He wasn’t used to such strong reactions at all, wishing to skip everything and simply feel the same intensity he had before. 

_ You’ll lose energy, but you still don’t care? _

The muscular man on top of him lay down at his side and got rid of his own clothes before he turned to him and pulled his pants down his long legs, along with underwear and socks, leaving him absolutely naked. After having undressed both of them Hoseok turned towards him and caught his lips hungrily, licking into his mouth and embracing his body. 

It was beyond pleasant, all senses on overdrive, concentrating on the various sensations, the small sparks of energy that Hoseok gifted him with, the constant touches and the affection that lay behind all of it.

_ He wants you. _

_ No, he loves you. _

Hyungwon kissed back, adding sparks of his own that must have spread warmth in the muscular chest. He wanted the beautiful human to feel the same, the same feeling of calm and strength that he felt with each kiss they shared. Cool arms remained tight around his slim waist as he broke the kiss and pressed his lips to the black-haired man’s jaw instead, sucking on it until he travelled lower, nibbling along the pale skin of Hoseok’s neck.

_ It's not enough.  _

Impatience took over as he grabbed one of Hoseok’s hands, pulling it towards his mouth until he slid the index and middle finger between his lips, wetting them similarly to what the other man had done with some type of liquid. Licking and sucking on both digits thoroughly he parted his lips and let go, watching the dark brown eyes intently. The expression of surprise and something else on the attractive face lasted long enough to grab the other man roughly and turn him around, straddling his lap with thighs tight around his hips.

“I want them inside me,” Hyungwon commented as he exhaled against the curved lips and licked over the bottom one, smile in place.

Hoseok's eyes seemed even darker than usual, pupils dilated and blush covering the usually very pale skin as the other man reached behind him and slid a finger inside, curling it and pressing against the same spot. It felt amazing, like all of his muscles contracted at once, fire-like sensation spreading in his lower body and energy pulling back from being released, like it was saved for something, for someone. Gasping Hyungwon immediately moved down to feel more, hips acting without much conscious thought and fingers curling around the muscular shoulders, scratching along the smooth skin, red lines prominent against the silver-white shimmer. Hoseok was beautiful in the dim light of his bedroom.

_ Don’t hurt him. _

The curved lips parted in a moan which was surprising considering that the black-haired man was pleasing him and not the other way around. He felt how another digit entered him, moving in the same direction and pressing down, while Hoseok’s other hand curled around his erection.

_ Shit. _

Hyungwon couldn’t help the way his nails sunk into the smooth skin, overwhelmed by the way it felt and almost falling forward at the intensity. His lips spread in a loud groan as he tried to move against the two digits, to repeat the way they pushed inside of him. The fingers around his erection only added to the haze in his mind, energy and strength almost impossible to keep track off.

_ Let go. _

Growling he removed his hands from the muscular shoulders and slipped off the cool lap, letting himself fall next to the black-haired man. Inhaling deeply he forced his hands above his head, digging into a nearby pillow as he bit his lip bloody. Hyungwon tried to pull all of his attention into keeping his hands in place as he curled a leg around Hoseok’s body to get him closer and to make him resume the pleasure, sending spikes along his limbs and causing all the muscles in his body to contract.

The attractive body came closer, settling between his legs. Hoseok pushed both digits back into him while the other man's curved lips closed tightly around his erection, sucking on it harshly, moving along with the pumps of the skilful fingers.

“Shit, Hoseok, it-” Hyungwon wanted to put the tangible sensations into words somehow, make them more memorable before they faded away, but he wasn’t able to. Instead he moaned loudly while slipping further down the bed to get closer to the digits inside of him, almost keeping the black-haired man from pleasuring him with his lips.

The strength it took to keep his hands above his head was overwhelming, nails digging into his own palms instead as he clenched his teeth. To do at least something Hyungwon lifted his leg and placed it on top of Hoseok’s shoulder, pulling him closer as he threw his head back and moaned, taste of blood entering his mouth from the small cut in his lower lip.

“You can touch me, Hyungwon, it's fine,” Hoseok muttered, letting him go for a second before licking over a third finger and blessing him with it right after, mouth closing around his erection and sliding all the way down.

Hyungwon cursed, throwing his head to the side and only burying his fingers further into his own palm. Hoseok had no idea what he was asking him for, pale skin breakable with just a light touch if Hyungwon didn’t remain aware.

“I’ll rip your skin, Hoseok,” he gasped before biting down on his lips to contain another groan, building up steadily as he could barely remain still with the pleasure that moved through him, not comparable to anything else he had felt before. “Shit, I love the way you make me feel.”

“I can make you feel more, later, if you want to,” the other man whispered before he sucked on the skin of his balls, tongue pressing down in between them. 

Hyungwon couldn’t respond, merely nodding repeatedly as he let go of his own hands and dug his nails into the sheets instead, sound of ripping fabric filling the air as he held his breath. He used the method to stay aware but failed miserably with the pressure that kept building up, taking every coherent thought and drowning him in overwhelming pleasure.

Hoseok had mercy and took his erection back, deepthroating him repeatedly and humming over the tip that hit the other man's throat while the thick fingers were moving in and out of him, hitting the spot repeatedly.

The explosion hit him suddenly, unexpected with how he screamed and felt his whole body tense, time stopping for a few seconds with all of his senses cut off. Just as before it only stayed for a short while before the perceptions came crashing down, drowning him in pleasure, the strong sweetness of the other man’s scent and the cool hands on him, just like the cool lips around his erection. The burst was followed by the release of energy, leaving the bead and easily slipping back into the other man.

“I wish this wouldn’t happen,” Hyungwon could hear himself whisper, still a little dizzy after the collapse of sensations. “I want to do this all the time but it might take too much.”

_ But you’re fine, almost the way you were before you found him in front of your door. _

“But in sex you normally give and take, it's always a closed circle.” Hoseok crawled up and licked his lips, arms curling around his waist immediately and black hair sprawling over his shoulder as the other man leaned his head on it.

_ A circle? But for that both pleasures need to come together, not just yours. _

Hyungwon sucked his lower lip into his mouth, still tasting some of the iron-heavy flavour. Inhaling the pleasant scent of Hoseok’s hair he brushed over it, intertwining his fingers with the strands and using them as a comb, moving through repeatedly while enjoying the texture. It was fascinating to look at the beautiful blue colour of Hoseok’s life force, just as bright as it had been when the black-haired man had entered his home, gifting him small sparks of his strength as Hyungwon kept returning them.

His eyes widened at the realization, at the fact that the other man’s level of energy hadn’t increased much since he had arrived, only minimally through the kisses and touches Hyungwon had given him.

_ Because he constantly gives and once you orgasm you give it back. It’s not even yours. _

“I’m just giving back what is yours in the first place, fuck,” he murmured and tightened his grip on the black hair, pulling it back to meet the dark eyes and to close the distance between them, kiss rough. “Take it, it’s yours anyway.”

“I don't care what's mine, I want to touch you and feel you independent of that, touch me, please.” The voice was raspier than usual as the black-haired man kissed back, just as rough, his cool hands immediately curling further around his body and holding it in place while Hoseok rolled his hips.

Hyungwon gasped at the sensation, fascinated by the way Hoseok looked when he was aroused, absolutely gorgeous. Keeping up the rough treatment he pulled at the black hair, tilting the other man’s head to enable him to attach his lips to the pale neck, leaving small red marks along the path to his collarbones.

“Do you want me to do the same to you or would you prefer something else?” he whispered, scratching along a prominent pec muscle with his teeth and enjoying the thin red line it created, index finger following it carefully. “I don’t have that liquid you use.”

Hoseok grabbed one of his hands and pulled it down in between his legs, letting Hyungwon curl his long fingers around his thick and long erection.

“Just touch me like this, I want to feel your lips and teeth and to hold you close,” the other man answered and gasped when Hyungwon tightened his grip. 

It was difficult to explain but something about the fact that he was able to make the black-haired man feel good sent a feeling of warmth through his chest, fingers tightening carefully around the firm erection and sliding along it. Listening carefully he reacted to the sudden gasps and noises that left the other's curved lips, applying more pressure and speeding up when the reaction was right.

_ You have to give back so it is a perfect circle, make him feel good.  _

Sucking the pale skin of Hoseok’s pec muscle into his mouth Hyungwon moved lower and nibbled on a nipple, rolling it between his teeth as he sped up. He let his thumb roll over the sensitive tip, digging into the slit a little bit just like he had done with his tongue. 

He was gifted with a low moan. It was beautiful to watch how blush spread over the pale skin while the beautiful blood red lips parted, releasing sounds of arousal and soaked in pleasure. Hoseok's hands were everywhere, stroking his skin and pulling his hair.

“Will my body be able to make you feel just as good?” Hyungwon asked, exhaling against the cool skin and scratching over the muscular shoulder and upper arm with his free hand, adding beautiful red lines to the ones he had created with his teeth. He was curious, curious about what the other man enjoyed, what could make him lose his senses, finally step out of the constant awareness that he remained in.

_ If he can make you lose control you can do the same to him. _

“Definitely,” the black-haired man moaned in reply, hips thrusting into his hand automatically, movements smooth and natural.

“I want to see you go crazy,” he murmured and added more force to his motions, clashing his lips against the curved ones and exploring the other man’s mouth. He didn’t bother to be careful with his teeth as he slid his fingers quickly over the firm erection, applying constant pressure to evoke those beautiful moans that he could catch with his lips.

“You can let me inside you. I'll show you how I can go crazy then.” Hoseok chuckled shortly before moaning again. “Shit, don't stop- I'm close,” the other man whispered into his mouth.

It was fascinating how much self-control and awareness Hoseok kept while being drowned in pleasure. The other man was still able to answer questions and to be cocky. It must have been due to the constant experience with pleasure but still it still seemed like an almost unreachable goal to Hyungwon, body burning up at the mere prospect of a touch.

_ Maybe he’s right and you just need to let him into your body. _

Biting down on the curved lower lip Hyungwon tightened his grip further and let his hand move as quickly as he could over Hoseok’s erection, catching each sound that the beautiful man made with his lips until he decided he wanted to hear it and bit down on a nipple instead, sucking on it for combined sensations.

The black-haired man let out a groan and released himself between their bodies, gifting Hyungwon with energy and breathing heavily while holding onto his waist. 

“Well, that’s kinda messy,” Hyungwon murmured as he lifted his hand and simply licked over his fingers to get rid of the liquid in the same way he had previously. It had definitely been easier and left less of a mark. Peeling Hoseok’s arms off with his other arm he crawled down to take care of the rest, unwilling to change his sheets as his tongue was more efficient.

“Wow, I can't decide whether it's hot or strange, but then again it's you so I can't help loving it anyway.” Hoseok chuckled and attempted to pull him back into his embrace. 

Grinning Hyungwon let him, enjoying the cool sensation after his body had been burning up even more than usual due to pleasure.

“I’m just being efficient and I’m good with my tongue,” he remarked and licked over Hoseok’s lips on purpose, pressing his body closer and intertwining their legs. It was nice somehow.

“I love everything about you,” Hoseok whispered and stroked over his upper arm with his cool fingers, applying almost no pressure, touch light and almost floating in the air.

It felt nice, the energy exchange in addition to the soft caresses they continued to share. It was beyond intimate.

“If you like you can sleep here, Hoseok. It’s late for you.” Hyungwon curled his arms tightly around the black-haired man and blew some hot air over the pretty face, liking how the eyes fluttered shut at the action. “I’ll show you my tails some other time, full moon preferably because then I don’t need to turn into a fox.”

“I'll wait and yes, I want to sleep with you.” Hoseok held him close, as if afraid to let go, afraid that he'd disappear to somewhere and leave him alone.

“I don’t think I can sleep yet though. It’s okay, you can just fall asleep and then I’ll continue reading. I don’t need to get energy so I have no reason to leave if that’s what you’re worried about,” he commented and stroked over the black hair, touch light and enjoying how relaxed the other man was in his arms. As if there was no danger at all, no reason to feel afraid or be uncomfortable.    


_ As if he’s happy to be with you. _

“Thank you for being with me. Thank you so much.” Hoseok's low voice echoed in the spacious bedroom, emotions seeping through every word and colouring the surroundings. Hyungwon merely hummed in response, wondering why he was still not able to grasp the meaning of a human being in love with him. The words were there but the meaning needed so more time to register, to sink through the deep layer of ambivalence and disinterest he had built up over the years.

_ You still cannot imagine that a human would care so much about you. _

Stroking over the other man’s head Hyungwon relaxed, enjoying the proximity and listening in to the way the soft breaths slowed down, chest rising slowly before falling as cold breath hit the skin of his neck. It was pleasant, intimate and beyond what he would have imagined for himself. Seeing how Hoseok was lying on top of him, bright blue aura surrounding him and as lively as ever, made him appreciate it more, enjoy how fruitful the perception was.

The sight was absolutely mesmerizing, sending warmth through his chest that remained there, only adding up the longer he stared at the soft facial features, curved lips parted a little and eyes closed.

Hoseok’s life force was vibrant, covering him with its bright shimmer. It appeared so fragile, like a mere touch could have been sufficient to break the beautiful border between light blue and the surrounding world, take away the strength that lay beneath it and leave behind an empty shell, a poor excuse for what had been there before.

_ Life is so vulnerable. _

Inhaling the familiar sweetness Hyungwon freed himself from the arms around him, climbed off the bed and got a glass of water from the kitchen, emptying it immediately. It felt strange to have a human at his home, sleeping in his bed and showering him with affection. But at the same time he didn’t mind it, not at all. It was rather the opposite, he wished for more, to stay lying in those cool arms and enjoy the embrace although he wasn’t even tired.

_ What is this, Hyungwon? What do you want from him? It can’t be his energy. _

It hadn’t been the other man’s energy for a long time already, since Hoseok had sacrificed his own to help Hyungwon escape the hospital, accepting detrimental consequences for himself. 

Hyungwon had stopped feeling and smelling the other man,  which took away the necessity to suck up his energy, to taste it and engulf himself in the sweetness of its scent. His intentions had changed, but what were they? What was it that he expected to get from letting a human close, allowing a human to see his vulnerabilities and deepest secrets.

_ Is he able to give you something that you don’t have? _

Sighing deeply Hyungwon returned to the bed, lying down next to the muscular body and curling an arm around it as he grabbed the book he was reading currently from the bedside table and continued to read it, long fingers raking through the black strands repeatedly, like a habit.

Whatever it was that the beautiful man in his arms was able to gift him with, he hoped it wasn’t as perishable as the beautiful bright light that surrounded him, warm and breathtaking to the touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 27th of June at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words seemed too loud for the situation, too meaningless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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_ ‘What is it that I can give you?  _

_ I have to be able to give you something such that you want to stay next to me, or rather let me stay next to you.  _

_ I know that you care about me, Hyungwon. _

_ I know and I still want you, although it might hurt us both. _

_ Your life is eternal and it must feel like a second, my presence next to you, meaningless in the face of eternity, but I still want to try. You have such an impact on me and my life that I want to leave a small trace too, even if it gets forgotten in the process, but even this small second, I want to show you how much you've been loved and how much you were able to change me, to shape me, to make me happy.  _

_ Be mine.  _

_ Even if it's just for one second out of your eternity.’ _

Hoseok closed the leather notebook and put it back into the drawer before he stood up and took his wallet, preparing to go out. It was Thursday.

_ You're closing yourself inside a dark box by lying and not talking about it. You're not even sure if Hyungwon is inside it too.  _

Walking over the main street towards the inner city, he plugged in his headphones and let the groovy soul music cover the outside noises while his feet carried him to the small bar in the University quarter.

Changkyun had waited in front of the entrance, and immediately pulled him into a hug. 

“You can start working tomorrow, aren't you happy? What's with your face?” His best friend leaned back and looked at him with his eyes narrowed. “This is not how it's supposed to be. What's wrong?”

Hoseok swallowed and pulled down his headphones, packing them inside his backpack safely before focusing his gaze on something irrelevant like Changkyun’s ugly Apple watch.

“How do you make someone stay, who is bound to leave? I know how to do open heart surgery or a coronary artery bypass, but this is just too much for my brain cells to process. I think I forgot how to love, Changkyun. I haven't loved anybody while being the person I am now, I have no idea.” He murmured everything at an inhumane speed and walked inside the cosy bar, sitting down on a comfortable chair in the corner.

“First of all- that's bullshit, you're so altruistic that it's actually good that you stay away from people. Second, why would that person leave? Why would you be in love with someone who will leave? To where? Who is it that you're in love with?” The shorter man closed the distance and let himself fall onto a couch across from him.

_ Why would he leave?  _

_ Because he told you and it's a rule. You have no idea how his mind works, Hoseok. He's a Gumiho, your human brain can't really process that. _

He sighed before smiling at the handsome man at the bar. Pointing at the gin bottle the other held in his hands he showed two fingers, hoping that he had been understood.

“I think I fell in love before knowing that he would leave. I still don't understand but I can't really talk about it because it's private. You know that I love you but secrets are secrets, I'm supposed to keep them. I keep yours too.” Hoseok grinned and winked at his best friend, lifting the glass with his gin on ice that was placed in front of him a moment ago. “Fact is I'm so in love that I can't breathe without him.”

Changkyun’s eyes narrowed as he lifted his glass too and let it touch Hoseok's shortly.

“Are you in a relationship? With him I mean.” A couple of seconds passed after the question before his best friend’s eyes widened suddenly, mouth opening and surprise dominating the handsome features. “Hoseok is that the pink-haired dude I saw last time? The one who you had a staring contest with? The one with the cat eyes? Oh god- I can't believe I was too dumb to know immediately, I already thought something was off when I saw you two watching each other.” 

_ Shit. You two were obvious as fuck. _

He felt how liquid dread travelled down his stomach and let his lungs clench on the way, eyes automatically widening and mouth parting in shock.

“Why- why would you think that? And why does that matter? I just need advice, general advice.” Hoseok tried to do damage control by taking a long sip of his drink and trying to come up with some good excuse.

“So he's leaving? Where to? You said he was a model, right? They do have a very flexible lifestyle so he must move a lot. He can't be the one cutting you bloody right? He looks rather slim and elegant, although it doesn't really say much about a person.” Changkyun was already elaborating, ignoring his questions and appearing absolutely sure that Hyungwon was the right person.

_ He can't come closer to Hyungwon. He can't get curious. Fuck. _

Hoseok downed the drink and stood up, grabbing his wallet that he had placed on top of the dark wooden table and throwing a ten euro note next to his empty glass.

“It's not him, it's a different person and this does not help me at all and I feel really bad about this. See you Thursday.” He turned around and walked towards the exit.

“See you tomorrow, Hoseok,” his best friend called after him, but he couldn't bring himself to look back.

_ You're lying to him. To the person who stayed beside you all this time enduring everything and more. This sucks, Hoseok. _

_ You suck. _

Pulling out his smartphone he typed a short message into WhatsApp.

‘I'm sad.’

The feeling resembled physical pain, travelling up to his lungs and not stopping even after he had arrived at his apartment and let himself fall on top of his sheets, not bothering to take off his shirt or pants.

_ Why is it so complicated? _

There was a sudden movement in the room, fast enough to appear blurred as hot fingers curled around his wrist and pulled him from the bed and right into an embrace. It was rough but also warm, a flat palm brushing over his back repeatedly as soft exhales tickled his ear. 

“Why are you sad?” The voice was soft and low, relaxing to listen to instead of his own thoughts. Inhaling deeply Hyungwon lifted his head a little, examining him in detail. “Did someone upset you? You smell a little like your friend. But mostly like alcohol.”

_ He's here. He came because you were sad. _

He felt how his chest filled with warmth at the proximity, at Hyungwon's low voice and the tender touches of his long, hot fingers against his skin.

“You came,” he whispered and buried his head in the crook of Hyungwon's neck, sucking in the other man's delicious and intoxicating scent. “It was just a shot of gin. I tried to get love advice and ended up lying and dumping my best friend, ah- I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked him in the first place. He's attentive.” Hoseok sighed and bit down on his lower lip, tasting blood.

Hyungwon froze shortly as soon as Hoseok had begun abusing his lip. However he caught himself quickly and lifted Hoseok’s head with hot fingers before licking over the bloody part. A smile was on the other man's lips as he pressed a proper kiss against his curved mouth. 

“You shouldn't give me too much energy then, even if it was just a shot,” the pink-haired being whispered and pressed him to the slim shoulder again, holding him close. “Why did you ask for love advice? Can't you humans just trust your own judgement for once?”

“You don't like alcohol stained energy?” He ignored the part about the love advice and exhaled, throwing his head back. “I didn't hear you coming in, did you fly?”

“Fly?” Hyungwon laughed suddenly. “No, I can't fly. I was just careful to be quiet to surprise you. Concerning alcohol stained energy-" A warm hand stroked over Hoseok’s hair, pulling at a random strand as if to distract himself from his own thoughts. “It has a bad effect on me. I had a lot of it when you saw me the first time, when I told you about your condition although I shouldn't have. I'm just dumb when I have too much of it.”   
  
“You get drunk from it? That’s interesting.” He focused on the light brown eyes and watched the pupils dilate more the closer he moved towards the handsome face. “Did you miss me?” 

“Yes,” Hyungwon replied. It wasn’t clear whether he answered the first or the second question, lips pulling together a little bit. There was something different about his facial expression, a little softer than it had been before. “Are you still sad?”   
  
“I am, although it’s somehow better when you’re here, but also more sad. It’s hard to explain. I want to hold you,” he whispered and curled his arms around the hot, slim body, his fingers immediately tracing the beautifully curved spine.

“You can just hold me. I thought that you weren’t scared, but still you hesitate when it comes to me,” Hyungwon murmured into his hair, pulling him as close as possible, even squeezing a little. It still felt a little unreal that the pink-haired being had come all this way just because he had mentioned his sadness. Raking through his black hair the other man inhaled deeply, enjoying his scent. “I just wish your friend wouldn’t upset you. Are you sure he is your friend?”   
  
“You don’t understand. He didn’t upset me. I am upset about myself, Hyungwon. About the way I behave towards him, although he’s my friend,” Hoseok murmured, placing wet kisses along Hyungwon’s delicate neck. “I’m not scared, I just love you and it seems so easy to break. I don’t want it to break.”

The pink-haired being remained quiet at that, thinking about his words as the grip in his hair pulled him back a little, probably to see his face.

“But wouldn’t it be good if it broke? If you stopped feeling attached to something that is out of your realm? I am still not sure how I feel about all this. It’s like I’m doing something that I shouldn't.” The meaning of Hyungwon’s words appeared to be a rejection but his actions spoke differently as the fingers of his right hand curled up in the fabric of Hoseok’s shirt. “I lied to you, Hoseok. I lied when I said that there is no such thing as bodily contact and love between a Gumiho and a human. If that were true there wouldn't be halfborns. But there are. It just hasn’t been comprehensible to me before, but now it is.”   
  
_ He doesn’t understand it, Hoseok. You have to explain it such that he understands. _ __  
__  
“Listen, you don’t like losing energy do you? Imagine receiving a considerable amount of amazing energy, some energy you have never had before, special energy, making you feel different. Wouldn’t it be bad if you were to lose it? If it leaves you? Would it be okay for you? You would lose the feeling you had while possessing the energy too.” Hoseok leaned back and lifted his right hand, stretching it out towards Hyungwon’s beautiful face and stroking along the golden cheek, hot and smooth to the touch. Smiling he brushed a loose strand of the pink hair behind the other man’s cute ear, which jerked at the movement.

“I miss the way your energy has affected my senses and my awareness of you, so it would be a lie if I would answer with no. I already miss the feeling that I had. So you mean you enjoy the way I make you feel and wouldn’t want it to disappear?” Sharp teeth settled down on the plump lower lip, digging into the smooth surface but not breaking it yet. “I cannot stay for long today because I have to work, so please don’t be sad.”   
  
“I can’t help feeling sad when you’re not here, I also have no medium to show you how much it means to me when you’re close. Have you been in love before, Hyungwon?” He whispered the question, gaze settling on the beautiful eyes, one hiding a mesmerizing ice blue, staring back at him.

“It’s-” There was hesitation as the other's big eyes widened at the question and hands tensed even further. The grip in his shirt was almost painful with the way it grazed his skin. “It’s complicated.” Biting down on his lip enough to hurt there was a sudden head shake from the pink-haired being. “No. No, I haven’t. Whatever occurred wouldn’t really be comparable. I want it to stay where I placed it.”   
  
“It? Where did you place it? Tell me about it. I want to know.” Hoseok pulled the slim body onto his lap, curling his arms around the thin waist and staring up. He sensed that the topic might be more than uncomfortable, but he had so many questions he had wanted to ask. To be able to get more information about how Hyungwon behaved.   
  
_ To know when he might leave so as to be able to stop him. _

“Deep down, a good place. First I placed your diary there too but I decided to read it all beforehand. So it isn’t there anymore. It is okay to talk about it, but I only think about these things when I open the box.” Hyungwon spoke quickly, completely disregarding the fact that Hoseok had no possibility of knowing what he was talking about, what place and what box he was hinting at. It could have been a physical or a mental place, but memories weren’t physical.   
  
“Tell me about the last time you’ve felt something towards a human.” Hoseok decided to ignore the fact that Hyungwon had wanted to take his diary to make him a memory, resulting in a strong pull at his insides, lungs clenching at the thought.   
  
_ That’s what you will become soon. A memory. Maybe faster than you expected. You have no possibility to know. _

“I-” There was hesitation, voice barely audible until Hyungwon suddenly groaned. The sound a little desperate as the pink-haired being pushed Hoseok back, forcing him to fall to the mattress while the other man remained seated on top of his thighs, inhaling harshly. “Why are you asking me this, Hoseok? I erased all of them, I don’t want to think about this.”   
  
He propped himself up on both elbows and looked into the eyes of the being he loved with all his resources, the being that was telling him about the people he erased, because there were feelings involved.   
  
“Because I want to know what to expect from you. Is that it? You will try to erase my memories and put my diary into a box? Making me a memory you don’t want to think about?” A tear ran down his cheek as he smiled, sadness painting his vision into a blurry grey. It felt so unfair.

The tight grip on his shoulders that he had barely registered loosened just as the wide light-brown eyes got even wider, staring at him. Hyungwon’s lips moved but no sound came out as the other man hesitated to respond, to react to Hoseok’s emotional outburst and the tears.

“I- I always do that. There is just so much happening over time and I would go mad if I kept all of that. I don’t get close to humans but still I need to erase them, I need to get rid of the traces I leave, of the knowledge and emotions I evoked. Don’t you want to be free from all that when I leave? I don’t want you to cry like this because I left. I don’t want you to be sad.” The beautiful man swallowed, teeth settling down on the thick lower lip like the sight was physically painful to him. Long fingers reached out to brush over Hoseok’s cheek, drying the tears carefully. “I don’t want you to feel like this because I am going to leave. It all won’t matter to you anymore afterwards if you let me erase you.”   
  
Hoseok sat up and grabbed Hyungwon’s hips, moving the body away from himself and stood up right after.   
  
“Don’t you dare touch my memories. There’s no way you will be able to take anything, I’ll just drown you like last time, only this time I’ll just die instead of becoming unconscious,” he hissed while the tears kept running down his cheeks before he turned around and walked out of the bedroom. Breathing was difficult, his lungs only sucked up a little oxygen, not enough to keep up a normal pattern. It hurt.

It felt strange how Hyungwon’s steps created a dull noise as the tall man ran after him, stepping in front of his face and staring at him, panic obvious.

“But what else do you want me to do, Hoseok? There is no other alternative. You are going to be hurt like this,” he whispered, lips quivering as he spoke. It felt strange to see him like this, like the situation took his inherent strength and made him show more than the pink-haired man allowed himself to show. “Do you want to deal with all of these feelings even when I leave?”   
  
_ He will have to kill you then. _   
  
“I told you what will happen. You don’t want me to be sad? Then just kill me, so you’ll have peace.” The words barely came out as he tried to turn away from Hyungwon’s intense gaze, his desperation making its way towards his facial expressions, visible for the other man at first sight.

There was pain in his lower arm as Hyungwon grabbed it and yanked him towards himself, forcing Hoseok to look at him, light brown colour disappearing to make way for what hid below it, beautiful ice-blue. The plump lips were pulled together into a thin line.

“You have no fucking idea what you are talking about. I have killed enough people to last me several lifetimes. Don’t you dare tell me to kill somebody just because you think I am the one suffering because of your feelings. You are and I am worried about you, stupid human.” There was anger in the mismatched eyes but at the same time Hyungwon was shivering, hand that dug into Hoseok’s underarm shaking. 

Growling again Hyungwon let go and turned away, pressing both palms flat against the wall and exhaling harshly.

“I’ve done this enough, it’s over, I’m done with this. There is no reason for me to take anything anymore, there is no such suffering in this world anymore, not enough for me to do it. There isn’t even war anymore-” he murmured, getting quieter and quieter towards the end.   
  
“You’re worried about me? Then don’t fucking leave. Don’t act as if you’re doing this for me. I don’t need this kind of help. I need you, you stupid Gumiho.” Hoseok slid his body between Hyungwon and the wall, staring into the big eyes that looked dangerous, but he didn’t care. He had been ready for the end when he drowned Hyungwon in energy and almost died.

The beautiful man merely exhaled again, hands curling into fists while still pressing against the white wall. The mismatched eyes lifted, staring at him as the plump lips were pulled into the pretty mouth.

“They will eventually try to kill me if I don’t leave. I have to leave because I don’t age, Hoseok. When will you finally understand? I cannot stay longer than ten years in one place because people stop believing me. I keep looking the same and I need to erase them before they begin to be suspicious and look for me. I erase everybody that has ever met me for long enough, Hoseok, for my sake. And I erase everybody who developed feelings for me for their sake.” There was another shaky exhale as a few red drops trickled down Hyungwon’s under arms. They stemmed from the way the sharp claws dug into the skin of his palms. “But no one has gotten so close before, Hoseok. It’s been a millennia since I had a proper conversation with a human and not even once have I let one touch me. I don’t fucking know how to solve this.”   
  
Lifting his hand, Hoseok took Hyungwon’s fist and unclenched it, pressing a kiss on the blood covered palm.   
  
“I don’t know how to solve this either, I keep thinking about the fact that I was satisfied with the fact that you didn’t care about me but then I started wanting you to care. I love you and I know that I’m just some unnecessary experience that will only bother you in your eternal life, some annoying sand grain, brushing your skin and distracting you from more important things.” He kissed every single finger of the hand that was blood red, tasting iron on his tongue. “But- but I still want you.”

“Hoseok, I- I don’t think you can call yourself a sand grain,” the low voice whispered carefully, while Hyungwon uncurled his hand fully, watching how the marks closed up, skin appearing as good as new apart from the remaining blood. “Everything else is a sand grain and I wish you were, but you keep leaving marks. And I don’t even mind, I want those marks, I- I don’t know what to do about this.”   
  
_ You’re leaving marks. You will hurt him too. _ __  
__  
“Be close to me. I want to be close to you, I never wanted anything so much apart from living. Be mine, be with me, please,” he whispered curling his hands around the thin waist, scared to let go.

Hyungwon was still shivering a little as he used his arms to curl them around Hoseok’s neck, pulling him closer slowly. Hot breath tickled the skin of his cheek as the beautiful man leaned forward and rested his head on his shoulder, inhaling loudly but not making any other sound. The action seemed impossibly intimate, vulnerable even with the way Hyungwon allowed himself to rest his whole weight on Hoseok, strength almost nonexistent with how the mesmerizing man held onto him.   
  
_ There you are. You wanted to be close, look what you’re doing to him. _ __  
__  
Hoseok swallowed and lifted one of his hands, sinking it into the silky strands of Hyungwon’s pink hair, stroking over it just like the other man liked doing with his own black hair.   
  
“I love you. I love you so much, I’m so sorry, fuck.”

The slim body in his arms tensed for a few seconds before the weight returned and the thin arms curled even further around him, hanging loosely behind him like the beautiful man had no strength to keep them up.

“I-” Hyungwon began but stopped again, merely remaining pressed against Hoseok’s body and keeping his face buried in the crook of his neck. “I like you, Hoseok, but I will still have to leave. I can’t stay. Are you fine with that? Having everything until it just disappears?”

_ No. _

“No, I'm not fine, but I still want you regardless.” He exhaled and licked over his blood-covered lips before pressing them against the hot skin of Hyungwon's neck.

The pink-haired being chuckled, but it sounded bitter. Stepping further into the embrace Hyungwon pressed his whole body against Hoseok’s, bending his knees a little to be able to make as much of their bodies touch as possible.

“Why do humans always do this even though they always regret it in the end?” the other man asked quietly before he chuckled again, sound muffled by the fabric of Hoseok’s shirt. “Why do I keep doing this?”

“I never regret,” he whispered back and bent his knees, grabbing Hyungwon's slim thighs and lifting the other man's light body in the air. There was no aggressive outburst like last time as Hyungwon merely held on tighter. “I asked myself this a lot of times already, without an answer, but what am I to you? You have no ulterior motive, you don't want to take my energy, what is it?” Hoseok closed his eyes briefly, feeling the weight before opening his eyes and walking towards the bed again, sitting down on the edge of it, holding Hyungwon's hips over his lap. “What is it that I'm able to give you? Is there anything at all?”

There was silence as the beautiful man crossed his legs behind Hoseok’s back, attaching himself like a cat to his body, holding on with everything he had although it wasn’t necessary anymore.

_ He wants to be close to you. The longing is also there. _

“I want to understand you, find out why you are so different, why you manage to get close, to get through to me,” the low voice murmured into the fabric of his shirt, not wanting to look up. “Life is much more impersonal now, there is no need for me to get close to humans to get what I want. It was a little different back then, especially with important individuals like kings, princes and emperors. There have been times when I got to know a human, got closer, but never have I wished to know as much as I do with you. It’s stupid because it will stay with me forever, but I still want to know, to see the full picture. I want to know everything about you, Hoseok.”

“I want to know about you too, you just don't tell me. You keep bullshitting me for my sake, but you have no idea how precious every second that I spend with you is. Do you know why I close my eyes so often? It's because I try to remember what you feel like with my skin, to save the sound of your voice and the vibrations, to catch the intonation of your words, their meaning. To remember how incredibly hot your lips feel when you kiss me. All of it, I want to keep it.” Hoseok swallowed and hoped Hyungwon wouldn't look up and see all the emotions written all over his face.

The other man didn’t, merely inhaling deeply and adding strength to the way he held on, visibly unwilling to let go and separate.

“I don’t need to close my eyes for that, it just stays, forever. It always does, which is why I try to separate my thoughts, my impressions and my memories. It helps me to stay sane and remember what I am.” The beautiful man swallowed. “And what I am not.”

“Have you ever wanted to become human, be mortal and die? Isn't it part of the myth?” Hoseok asked, wishing for the fabric to be gone, to feel the hot skin against his own, adding to the sensations.

_ It's easier to remember if it's intense. _

“I thought about it before, what it would be like to just have a few years to do what I want, to experience everything and to learn everything in such a short amount of time while falling in love and sharing experiences until old age,” Hyungwon murmured before shaking his head slowly. “But I never wanted to be human. It always seemed so meaningless to me, 80 years to accomplish everything, to learn everything and to create something new. It’s impossible. My eternal life is a burden, but it is also a gift, a gift I wouldn’t give away, even if it forces me into loneliness. Time heals everything, even the most vicious of wounds. It did before and it can do it again.”

_ He will be fine. He said he will be fine. You have to believe that he will be fine after this ends. _

“I'm happy that you think like this.” He smiled against the hot skin. “There's no point in trying to be something you're not. Just like I can't live forever. I'm fine dying, having a definite end to everything. It feels reassuring.”

“It would scare me, to think that my life will be over I mean,” Hyungwon whispered as he lifted his head a little, but just enough to speak without quietning down his words. “A definite ends sounds like a limitation, something that takes away your ability to heal, to deal with what happened to you. I have seen so many broken humans and I think it’s because some experiences are impossible to erase. I feel like I was given the possibility to take the necessary time while developing, even if sometimes I seem to be standing still. My body stands still, my position in the current world, but my mind keeps moving, learning new things and changing bits and pieces into a particular direction.”

“It doesn't scare me. It helps me make decisions. When I stood in front of you and you smirked at me with your sharp teeth out whilst crushing my wrist bones, I thought I could just not do anything, to just let everything happen without my involvement. But I only live once, so I decided to drown you in energy even if I died, because making a decision and doing something is still better than just waiting for your death to get you.” Hoseok cupped the other man's small face with his palms and lifted it up to kiss his plump, red lips.

Hyungwon closed his eyes as he accepted the kiss and only opened them again when they parted.

“It’s different for me. I prefer to wait until things take their natural course. I am not someone who should interfere too much, I already do by taking life force from other beings, so why should I change and influence their lives further? It’s not my place to do so. So I prefer to stay in the back and remain unknown, just using quick encounters to get energy without creating deep relationships. I’ve had enough of those so I keep them at a minimum until I leave.” Sighing loudly the pink-haired being bit down on his lower lip, eyes appearing a little distant like he was thinking of something else, not the current situation. “You keep changing my view, my actions towards you, although I should be treating you the same way.”

“You can't treat me the same because I'm not the same, Hyungwon. I love you.” Hoseok leaned in and buried his nose in the crook of the other man's neck while curling his arms tighter around his slim waist, palms travelling under the black shirt to feel the burning heat.

“People loved me before, but- but it was from a distance. I received letters, lots of them that described human feelings towards me. But all of it was an illusion the other person created without getting close to me, imagining human actions. Still- the emotions were there and I kept all of them.” Licking over his red lips Hyungwon lifted his arms a little bit, like an invitation to allow Hoseok to take his shirt off. “It was when I had taken over the position of another human. It’s what I did before, before I stopped- stopped killing them. Now I create my own human life.”

_ You're a perfect match, he was killing humans and you're a cardiovascular surgeon trying to save everybody. _

“What's the difference with me then? Or is it you?” Hoseok pulled the shirt over the pink head before getting rid of his own and pulling the beautiful being into his embrace. There was a loud hiss as their skin touched and Hyungwon dug his fingers into his shoulder without hurting him.

“You know. You- you know what I am and still you feel this way. It wasn’t often, but whenever a human had feelings for me they disappeared and turned into disgust, hate even when they found out what I am and what I do. They believed that I had manipulated them into liking me. It’s what I tried to do with you, to beckon you to get your energy. It’s a lie, but it’s not when I stop.” The hot hands shook a little before the pink-haired man curled his arms tighter around Hoseok’s neck. “They thought that it was a lie but it wasn’t, not after I had taken their energy.”

_ He got hurt. _

“Living for such a long time you must've had a lot of possibilities to get hurt. I hope that I don't hurt you with the way I'm always trying to stick to you like glue.” Kissing the outline of Hyungwon's shoulder, Hoseok enjoyed the heat that enveloped his naked torso, sending shivers down his spine.

“You like me for what I am, at least I think you do. I haven’t told you everything, but if that might change the way you feel I’d rather not,” the beautiful man whispered and tightened his slim thighs around him, pressing a kiss to his lips, soft and very much unlike himself. “Let’s just stay with this, keep it until I have to leave. I have no strength to keep you away and I want you to remain close. I don’t see another possibility. I just wish that you would let me take your memories in the end, but I don’t have the capability to force you, you feel pain when I want to take your life force.”

_ It's what makes you special. _

“I want you to create memories for me, not take them away. Don't. It's the most precious part to me because it shapes me and makes me who I am. Be mine until you have to leave.” He kissed the other man's beautiful lips, drowning in the feeling and sensing how the warmth filled out his lungs at the action.

_ You'll have to think about a solution, Hoseok. _

_ You can't be without him. _

“I will.” The answer was short, just like the time when Hyungwon had agreed to come back, to stay with him. “But promise me that you will let me leave when it’s time.”

“You make it sound as if I could,” he whispered while his fingers tightened at Hyungwon's sides.

There was silence as the pink-haired being merely curled his long legs and slim arms around his whole body and closed the distance between them, licking into his mouth while tilting his head. No breath left the small nose, as the air was kept inside Hyungwon’s lungs while Hoseok was trying his best to get enough of it inside his own.

_ Maybe you can. _  
  


***

 

His feet moved over the burgundy carpet, no sound interrupting the silence. It was just the sight, the visual input of naked feet touching the soft texture with his hindfoot, ankle bending slightly as he rolled off with the forefoot, distributing his weight evenly. 

Even if there had been no carpet along his hallway, only dark parquet instead, Hyungwon would have still made no sound, movements smooth and silent. 

_ That's because you’re not human.  _

He swallowed and tried to change the way he walked, the order with which he stepped on the carpet, the choreography of his steps. The resulting noises weren't natural but dull instead, like inhuman stomping. It wasn't the same at all, not in the slightest. 

Stopping in the middle of the hallway he curled his toes, enjoying the way the soft wool felt under his naked feet. It was reassuring somehow. It gave him the feeling of still having control over his surroundings, a grip on his actions.

_ Why would you try to be human? You can't.  _

Inhaling sharply Hyungwon closed his eyes and allowed his claws to move out, sensation neither pleasant nor unpleasant. It was just the way it felt, without any assigned human emotion. 

_ Some feelings cannot be ascribed human terms so why are you so concerned with them? _

Stretching out his right hand he scratched a deep line into the wall below his favourite painting, below the vibrant colours of ‘the paradise’.

_ Ironic that you hide everything you want to forget below ‘the paradise’. _

The scratch was enough to allow a bit of wall to loosen, revealing a small string with the help of which Hyungwon opened the passage to the basement. The house was old and the underground area had served as protection during bombing, deep enough to stay in place even if the whole house was blown away. The depth and purpose seemed to fit his intentions when it came to his memories. 

_ You want to be invisible but protected.  _

Licking over his lips and examining the opening carefully, Hyungwon removed a bit of residue from scratching over the wall from his claw and wondered why he never really wanted to be human. 

_ He asked you. _

It was always part of the legend, a legend created by humans. It always showed the human as the final being, the one that God created and that everybody wished to be. But it was self obsession, the human desire to be perfect. But they weren't. There was no perfect being and there shouldn't be, nature was constantly changing and perfection could change with the blink of an eye.

_ You aren't perfect either and you have no need to be. _

The reason for not wishing to be human was simple. It was fake, every human body and persona he had created for himself was fake. If he could turn human it would be just as fake as all the identities Hyungwon had created and lived as in the past. It would have been the same. 

_ But Hoseok loves you for being what you are. _

There was no reason to become human and Hyungwon didn't want to. It was like giving up an ability because the partner didn't have it, a waste.

His steps were still silent as he made his way down into the basement, eyes adjusting easily to the darkness and revealing countless numbers of objects he had placed there and wished to avoid. Certain pieces of furniture, boxes with clothing, medium sized objects like old jewellery, embroidery that had been given to him. The list was countless and Hyungwon was glad that he wasn't aware of everything. 

Reaching the black shelf with the box, he took it out and placed it on his lap. It seemed so simple, just a box with objects, meaningless to every spectator and still his hands were shaking, fingers barely able to grasp the lid.

_ Everything that makes you who you are is in here.  _

His index finger and thumb grabbed the lid, pulling it up while being careful not to damage any of the decorative stones that graced the valuable material. 

Hyungwon had a goal, a memory he wished to see, to compare with what he was experiencing now. 

_ You want to know if the love is the same. _

His hands immediately grabbed the heavy mass of photographs and putting it to the side, digging further in his memories, at the dusty bottom of the experiences he had abandoned and tried to forget. 

The sharp object almost pierced his palm when he finally found it, long fingers curling around the small knife and taking it out of the box. It looked the same, tiny, almost invisible with how easily it fit into his hand. Perfect to stab someone in the heart. It was the right length to reach the constantly working organ without making it easily discoverable.

_ Hoseok heals it but back then someone had wished to stab yours. _

His hands shivered as he placed the small knife to the side, skin burning where it had touched him although there was no reason for it. Hyungwon continued his search, finding a few of the letters, explanations of love to the person he had been back then. A woman of high standing.

_ He didn't love you just like everybody else. They loved the person you created.  _

His fists clenched as he grabbed the letter and threw it back in without reading it in whole, body returning the thoughts and feelings he had had back then, back before he had found out what Hyungwon was, seeing him take someone else's life force. 

_ They are scared. They always are. They never love you but they love the human you create.  _

_ It wasn't real. None of it was.  _

His chest burned as he grabbed the small knife forcefully, cutting his palm in the process as he threw it back into the box, heavy breaths leaving his lips as pain spread in his temple and chest. 

_ Stop looking at it, it's just going to hurt. You don't need the pain right now, you're living to the fullest. _

Throwing the lid on top of the box he forced his eyes shut, remembering the way Hoseok had spoken of him, the way the black-haired man had confessed to him. 

_ He said he loves everything, your non-human sides and even if you hurt him. He loves it all. _

It was difficult to imagine and took Hyungwon's possibility to predict his actions, to predict his own actions. 

_ Do you even want to leave at this point? _

His fingers dug into his palm at the thought, unpleasant sensation spreading through his body at the thought of leaving Munich and creating a new human, a new mortal life that he pretended to live until he had to abandon it. 

_ But how does Hoseok know that you are yourself? You’re still playing a role, a model, a man that lives in this time. _

But Hyungwon didn't play his role when he was around the black-haired man. Instead he was himself, talking and sharing his own thoughts and beliefs. He was trying to understand Hoseok and their interactions were based on mutual sharing.

_ It's give and take. It's always give and take with him.  _

All the humans that he had encountered in his life had left a mark, be it small or big. Maybe it was small enough to be forgotten, to appear gone although it stayed at the back, barely visible. Maybe it was also large, influential enough to be placed into his box and hopefully forgotten. All the people that loved him had left a mark. The question was what kind of mark Hoseok was going to leave. 

_ Is it erasable with time or will it stay? _

Time was able to heal everything but Hyungwon was like a canvas, brush stroke after brush stroke drawing on his body like a depiction of life. Small details and occurrences were added, some fading with time while others were just covered up by new colour, appearing forgotten although they weren't. 

_ He will draw on you again. When he did it for the first time...did he leave a mark? _

Hyungwon closed his eyes for a few seconds and put the box away, attempting to separate himself from the way the memories made him feel, what they managed to awaken in him each time. He hated it.

Once he had closed the white wall behind himself, leaving only tapestry and ‘the paradise’ he glanced around, examining the simple hallway. His eyes fell on the leather book, the one he had wished to keep away but couldn't yet. The desire to read it was stronger. 

_ It's too late, Hyungwon. He has already left a mark. You cannot erase it anymore, not like this.  _

Walking closer he stretched out his hand, fingers stroking over the harsh leather surface, usage obvious with the way it looked, soaked with blue and black ink and dying thoughts. 

_ The mark is already made, but it is up to you to decide if you want to leave more. Do you wish to be drawn on more, Hyungwon or do you want to stay with what you already have? _

He swallowed as his hands acted on their own, grabbing the light book and opening it, scent of old paper spreading in his nose. 

_ Stay for as long as you can, Hyungwon. Extend it, keep him close.  _

_  
  


The longer he stared at the bright red hair and the deep green colour of the other man's eyes, the more the non-human blood appeared obvious to him. Kihyun possessed features that were easily identified as strange, different, but still the redhead didn't appear to struggle in his daily life, easily interacting with mortals.

_ He is one of them, he will die just like them. _

Hyungwon watched the way Kihyun climbed up one of the ladders in his library to access one of the rare biographical novels that he wished to read for another essay of his, to be as accurate as possible in his depictions. 

“Have you ever met your parents?” Hyungwon asked suddenly, moving deeper into their conversations than he had before. The redhead and him had a very calm relationship, one that didn't involve too many details that moved beyond history and successful acquisition of energy. A question like that from his side might have been taking it a little far. 

The expression on the fox-like face only confirmed his suspicion as the long eyes narrowed and the cheek bones became even more prominent. 

_ He doesn't like the question. _

“Almost everybody meets their parents in one way or another, why would I be an exception?” Kihyun eventually replied, turning around quickly and pulling the same book he had examined before out of the shelf, staring at it intently. 

“Because your mother was a Gumiho and must have wished to protect her identity, despite loving a human.”

_ It's the same situation. Why have you never met her? She should have been easy to recognize, you would have seen the bead. _

The small body froze, rough hands remaining on the back of the dark brown book cover, rubbing over it irregularly with his fingertips. 

“She left.”

The answer was short, like a final sentence, conversation cut because it was unpleasant.

“When?” Hyungwon couldn't help asking, the wish to hear a solution to the conflict he had to solve almost overwhelming. 

“Three years after I was born.” Kihyun turned around suddenly, eyes narrowing again as he pulled a different book out of the shelf and curled his small frame around it. “Why are you asking me this, Hyungwon? She didn't age and couldn't kill everybody that Dad had ever met to take him along. Of course she left.”

The red-haired man moved down the ladder slowly, careful to not hurt the delicate pages of the book. Once he arrived at the bottom he glanced at Hyungwon briefly, arms still tight around the book. 

“Thank you for the book,” he whispered before walking out, not elaborating further. Hyungwon could hear the frequent steps in the hallway as the other man stepped into his shoes quickly and closed the heavy door behind himself. It sent a wave of air through the house, blowing his pink bangs to the side.

_ It's not solvable. No one can solve this. You will have to leave. _

_  
  


The apartment was empty, a poor excuse of what the pretty residential house filled with personal items and furniture could be like when it was filled with life. 

_ He's not here. _

Hyungwon had never looked for a human before, not without finding the person he had been looking for. His sense of smell must have reduced enough to be tricked by the sweet fragrance of the soft sheets, the clothes in the cupboard and the ones lying neatly folded on a chair in the bedroom. His scent was everywhere, filling out the whole apartment but not comparable to the real thing, the real person.

Hyungwon let his fingers trail along the walls, comparing the texture to the one in his own house. It was similar, same solid mixture of stone covered with tapestry, just as white in colour. His fingertips reached a bookshelf and he looked at the items inside, various works of literature from the 19th century mingling with the 20th.

_ What will you do now? He probably started working again after his suspension.  _

It was unfortunate, the two of them had more difficulties arranging their schedules around each other when they were working. Only when Hoseok worked a night shift did they fit together.

Hyungwon sighed and got a glass of water from the kitchen, emptying it and leaving it on the counter in case he wanted another one later. 

_ Are you planning to stay? _

He didn't know yet, but he didn't want to leave without seeing the black-haired man. Something about the way his thoughts had developed in the past few days made him uncomfortable and he wished to compare the way he felt and perceived next to the mesmerizing human. 

_ You already know that this is different but you want to know how much. _

His long legs carried him to the bedroom, knees climbing up on the soft sheets as he inhaled the stronger sweetness, filling out his nose. It wasn't enough yet so he curled up in the black blanket and buried his face in the pillow, drowning in the sensation. 

It felt nice, like he wasn't at the living space of an absent human but a place he felt at home, comfortable even.

_ Since when do you feel like yourself anywhere but home? _

Hyungwon wanted to explore the feeling, get to the depths of it, understand where it had come from. Grabbing the seam of his light grey silk shirt he slid it over his head, letting it drop next to the bed just like the tight leather pants that he had worn for the shoot. As there hadn't been space for underwear in the first place he didn't need to take that off, curling up in the soft blankets and closing his eyes. 

_ It's pleasant.  _

It felt almost like at home, calm and comfortable. Relaxing further he let go of the strings that attached the illusion of human features to his body, eyes returning to their real mismatched colour and hands readjusting. He kept his eyes closed and buried his face in the pillow, drowning in the familiar scent and wishing for it to be more intense. 

Curling his fingers into the silky fabric he allowed his consciousness to fade out, perception of time disappearing, for the limited amount of time that it was able to.

It felt like stepping into a cool lake after a long day, as if the water was embracing him slowly and small waves stroked along the skin of his shoulder.

Hyungwon jerked shortly, ear twitching at the lack of sound but overflowing strength of other sensations. He kept his eyes closed as he inhaled purposefully, scent overwhelming and emotions euphoric at the same time. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he let his fingers run over smooth skin, not covered by rough fabric.

Consciousness took over and he felt how Hoseok's muscular arms curled tighter around his waist, enabling their bodies to touch more. Wet lips kissed along his neck and up to his ear, cool tongue licking over his ear lobe right after, accompanied by shaky exhales.

Hyungwon couldn't help but hum lowly at the sensation, leaning further back to feel more of it as his hands dug deeper into the sheets next to his chest, enjoying the touches.

It was quiet apart from their breaths, no words leaving their lips like there was no need to say anything.

_ He must know that you came because you wanted to see him. _

Hyungwon lifted one of his legs, pulling it up a little as he used it to slide his shin over the pale skin of Hoseok’s thigh andleg, intertwining their limbs right after. Untangling his hands from the sheets he allowed the left one to trace the patterns of Hoseok’s ribs, stroking along the spaces between them and the muscular abdomen and sides.

The man in his arms exhaled sharply against his ear while the cool sensation of Hoseok's fingertips travelled all over his shoulders and down to his lower back, tracing his hip bones and drawing small, tender lines along the skin of his thighs.

Familiar warmth began to spread through his body, the same one that always appeared whenever he was this close to the beautiful human. Reaching behind himself he intertwined his fingers with the black strands of hair, pushing the cool lips closer to the skin of his neck while throwing his head back at the same time, allowing Hoseok more access as the heat continued to soar.

The other man's soft lips immediately attached to his skin while the small licks were only interrupted by tender bites along his jugular vein. Hoseok slid his thigh in between his legs and pulled him closer against his lower body.

The black-haired man was aroused and Hyungwon couldn't help the hiss that left his lips at the realization. Biting down on his lower lip he pushed back himself, enjoying the difference in body temperature and the tenderness of the touches. He wanted to hear a low gasp, anything but words. 

Words seemed too loud for the situation, too meaningless.

_ You don't need them. _

A low moan graced his ears as Hoseok rolled his hips as an answer to his movement, cool fingers tightening around his hips. He could feel how the other man's heartbeat picked up and the breathing pattern changed, exhales getting more rough and irregular.

It was beautiful. 

Hyungwon caressed the firm thigh between his before he let his hand travel into the black hair, pulling it a little while using his nails to leave faint marks on the pale skin. Turning around he pushed down on Hoseok’s chest, thereby pressing the attractive man flat onto the bed as he climbed on top of him, lean legs resting on each side of the other’s hips.

Knowing that it must feel good Hyungwon rolled his hips forward a little, watching Hoseok’s expression carefully and letting his claws trace the muscular chest.

Hoseok's gaze was glued to his form while the other man's pale hands travelled over both of his thighs, fingers digging into his muscles. He saw how the curved lips parted in a silent moan at the movement of his hips. The black-haired man apparently knew what he was supposed to do. He felt the other's erection between his legs while Hoseok’s lower body moved smoothly under him.

It felt good so Hyungwon gasped. The sudden wish to feel the other man's fingers inside of him awoke unexpectedly, just like last time, almost drowning him.

_ Or you could just feel him instead. _

Hyungwon leaned forward, grabbing the black hair and pulling it roughly as he clashed their lips together, moaning into Hoseok’s mouth and pushing himself down on the firm erection. He squeezed his thighs together to feel more, shared energy activating the bead and adding only more warmth to his chest.

It felt as if Hoseok was just waiting for him to react, pale arms tightening around his hips and pressing him down while the other man's broad hips thrust up, cool lips parting for the wet tongue that moved into his mouth, intensifying the kiss and intertwining with his own.

It felt intense, beyond what human interaction was supposed to feel like. Hyungwon closed his eyes at the sensations that flooded him, thighs only tightening further. Impatient to feel more he let his free hand travel down over their chests, curling around his own erection and moaning into Hoseok’s mouth again. It felt good but in no way comparable to the sparks that coursed through his blood system when the attractive man took his erection between his lips.

Hoseok lifted his upper body and turned them both, immediately crawling down as soon as Hyungwon's back hit the soft sheets. The other man's lips travelled down his stomach while straight teeth bit into his skin, licking over the marks right after, just before they disappeared. Settling between his legs, Hoseok took him into his mouth, sucking on his tip and tracing the veins with his skilful tongue.

Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip, sharp pain registering vaguely in his senses before fading. Only the taste of blood in his mouth was left as a reminder that he had broken the skin. One hand settled in Hoseok’s hair supporting the movements of the other man’s head while the nails of the other buried in the sheets. He had to control his force to not hurt the other man, but the way pleasure took over all of his perceptions made it difficult. 

Holding his breath he spread his legs further and lifted his left one, throwing it over the other man’s broad shoulder. It gave Hoseok more access and felt nicer somehow, like he opened his body for the beautiful black-haired man to touch.

Suddenly the sensation of the tight lips around him left, only the almost black eyes staring at him from between his legs. It continued for a couple of long seconds before Hoseok's strong hands lifted his hips and the other man licked over his entrance.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened involuntarily and he groaned, throwing his head back and thereby taking his own ability to see the other man. It wasn’t really necessary because the cool sensation against his entrance in addition to the strong hands around his hips were absolutely sufficient to know what was happening. Squeezing his eyes shut he exhaled through his nose, digging his claws into the sheets instead of the other man’s skin and hair, it was safer this way.

The pleasure wasn’t direct, not like the way licks and strokes of his erection were able to make him feel but it appeared gradual, small sparks of pleasure that continuously added up, spreading along his lower body and making him want to feel more, to feel that spot inside of him be touched repeatedly.

Hoseok kept drawing wet circles until the cool tongue finally entered him, licking inside him repeatedly. The other man's pale fingers kept digging into his skin while lifting his hips and adjusting the angle.

Hyungwon pushed against the cool lips touching his skin and the tongue inside of him, wanting to feel more. He placed his other leg on top of Hoseok’s shoulders and tried to pull him closer by digging his heels into the other man’s back. 

It didn’t make sense that he was letting go so much and feeling absolutely at ease next to the black-haired man, allowing him to touch him in all possible ways and basking in it instead of pushing him away.

_ You want him close, don’t you? _

The ministrations continued for another couple of minutes until the beautiful, black-haired man stopped and rose from his position. Licking his lips Hoseok focused his gaze on him, black eyes full of arousal and affection intermingling and creating a breathtakingly beautiful picture.

“I want you,” the low voice whispered.

_ Why would you need the space, Hyungwon? Why are you still trying to keep him at bay if that’s the last thing that you want? _

Space was just for someone who was afraid to get too close, and Hoseok had never been afraid of him, not even once.

“Then have me,” he whispered back, using the strength of his legs to pull Hoseok forward and curling his arms around the pale neck, hands intertwining with the black hair. He didn’t care about bending himself in half by the action, merely attaching himself further to the muscular man and kissing the cool lips with his hot ones.

Hoseok reached for the familiar drawer and pulled out the liquid he had used the last time to please him. Instead of coating his fingers, the other man covered his thick erection with it, before lining up and pressing against his entrance lightly.

Hyungwon drew a sharp breath, nails digging into the smooth skin of Hoseok’s shoulder at the sensation. It felt unfamiliar but he still wanted it. The cool feeling only added to the sparks that kept rushing through his body, increasing the frequency of his heartbeat and adding warmth that had nothing to do with energy or closeness to his chest.

_ Is it affection? _

He didn’t care much for pain so he strengthened his grip, careful not to break the sensitive skin, and pulled Hoseok forward, adding force with his legs. The other man must have been burning from the difference in body temperatures, proximity incomparable to anything else Hyungwon had ever experienced.

Biting down on his lower lip Hoseok pushed himself in while lifting his slim hips with his strong, pale hands. A low moan left the curved mouth while the other man's mesmerizing, black eyes stared down at him in a mixture of being overwhelmed and deep affection.

It felt unusual, a breach of his body that wasn't supposed to happen but one that he enjoyed nevertheless. His hands tightened involuntarily, an automatic response to how he felt the smooth skin give in, claws burying themselves inside the muscular shoulders as a growl left his lips. Throwing his head into the soft pillow he stared at the man above him, reading his face and the emotions on it, the way being inside of him made Hoseok feel. There was something different to the dark gaze. The affection was still there, just like the wonder whenever the brown eyes met his. However the depth of the look wasn’t the same, like the black-haired man feared to lose what he saw, trying his best not to blink although Hyungwon wasn’t going to leave.

_ Not yet. _

Another smooth movement and the black-haired man had buried himself completely inside his body, brushing over the sensitive spot on the way. A low moan left his favourite lips while Hoseok tried to catch his breath, erection twitching inside him.

The feeling had been pleasant before, filling him out and adding perceptions that he hadn’t known existed. However as soon as the other man had moved all the way in, filling him out completely and stimulating him, his body convulsed, legs shaking and a low scream left his lips. It seemed like his vision turned white for a second, his focus on the attractive face disappearing and only leaving the liquid fire that slid along his limbs and centered in his lower body. His hands tightened further, afraid to let go and lose his awareness of his surroundings with how intense it felt to be filled out. 

He wanted to feel it again, to have the man above him react to his body in the mesmerizing way he did while sending waves of pleasure through him, letting the bright flame slide along his skin and curl in his groin.

“Fuck, do that again, Hoseok,” he whispered, breaking the silence again as he tried to pull the other closer, not loosening his grip on the bruised shoulders, the scent of blood filling his nose.

Hoseok hissed, not minding the pain at all, hips moving away before the black-haired man slammed back into him, lifting his lower body for the angle and a loud moan ripping through the auditory space at the movement.

“Shit, you're driving me crazy, Hyungwon. Fuck.” The voice sounded strained while Hoseok’s pale fingers kept digging into his flesh.

It was absolutely unreal, small spots of light dancing in front of his vision supported by further sparks that seemed to light his body on fire. His temperature spiked up and the grip that his legs and arms had around the muscular body tightened. He wanted to feel every movement, every twitch of the other man’s body. The pleasure was intense enough to take his ability to keep track of his limbs, groans leaving his lips just like the occasional scream he wasn’t able to contain. Whatever his body reacted to it must have been otherworldly. Hoseok was taking his awareness and ripping it from him with each thrust, paralyzing his motions with pleasure for a few seconds before he was able to focus again.

Using his grip on the muscular shoulder Hyungwon forced his upper body closer to the black-haired man, kissing him roughly, teeth clashing together and bruising the beautiful curved lips, unable to focus on whether he was being careful. He wasn’t able to focus on anything apart from the burning pleasure inside of him.

Hoseok was kissing back, eager and rough, moans slipping through the cool, wet lips as he picked up pace, moving in and out of his body and hitting the sensitive spot repeatedly. Tiny drops of sweat covered the pale body that was shimmering in the dimmed light of the bedside lamp, some of them running down and dropping on his skin like cold rain.

The coil inside Hyungwon’s lower body continued pulling together, sensitivity only increasing the rougher and faster Hoseok moved inside of him. Sounds were continuously spilling from his lips, words, broken sentences and other noises without meaning, awareness slipping further and further to the back as he growled again and moved his hands along Hoseok’s back, scent of blood only adding to his perceptions and enveloping him in familiar sweetness.

He felt how the black-haired man curled his pale fingers around his erection, stroking along it with the rough, precise thrusts, moaning and groaning at the pleasure that he must've felt. It was so different from all the other times they had been close.

Instead of feeling his own pleasure alone it seemed to be a connection, light blue energy leaving the beautiful man, but not staying with him and being absorbed by the bead. Instead it appeared like he was merely engulfed in the light as the energy transcended between them, remaining close and adding warmth without dissipating in the air.

_ A cycle. You’re sharing it. _

Hyungwon gasped, eyes opening wide as he watched the way the mesmerizing bright blue colour slipped from Hoseok’s body and shoulders along his own, travelling along his legs and arms until it centered around his chest, only to return to where it had come from.

_ A connection. _

It felt overwhelming as heat developed throughout his body, spreading from his face and along his chest, skin blushed from the blood that rushed through him. Unable to keep his eyes open with the numbing pleasure he closed them again, burying his hands in Hoseok’s skin instead and meeting the strokes and thrusts that he was being blessed with, body burning up and small stars dancing in front of his inner eye with each motion.

“I think- I think I might lose awareness,” he mumbled before he leaned forward and closed his lips around Hoseok’s bottom lip, nibbling on it as he tried to feel more of the beautiful man, to be closer.

Hoseok kissed him, moving a little slower in the meantime, licking into his mouth and creating a sea of mesmerizing perceptions. The sensations kept drowning him before the other man decided to move back and slam into him once again, fingers tightening around the tip of his erection and straight teeth sinking into his lower lip, breaking the skin.

Hyungwon loved the roughness, all of it. Pulling his fingers away from the pale skin of Hoseok’s back he raked through the black hair, grabbing it roughly as he attached the cool mouth to his neck, wishing for the other man to leave marks, to nibble on his skin and do the same, to add to the sensations that were already passing through him with each touch.  
  
“We’re connected, fuck, it’s everywhere,” he murmured, feeling full with the motion of the muscular man and the energy that he was drowned in, spilling over the edges of what he was able to take himself. The coil kept tightening until he felt like he was about to burn down, vision blurring completely and hands blindly reaching for what they could find, sinking into the soft skin.

“I'm close, come for me, Hyungwon,” the beautiful human groaned against the skin of his neck, biting into it and licking a stripe up to his ear lobe. The movements got more eager and he felt how the thick muscles tensed and the other man twitched inside him repeatedly. An overwhelming outburst of blue energy left Hoseok, drowning him all of a sudden in addition to the pleasure that was soaring through his body.

His senses disappeared, all input gone as black engulfed him for a few seconds, only the tension in his lower body remaining before everything exploded with newly found intensity and he released between their bodies, strength remaining in his limbs opposed to what had happened before and part of what they had been sharing adding to the warmth in his chest.

Hyungwon still felt a little dizzy, sweat and cool sensations surrounding him and hands slowly parting from the soft skin they had been buried in. The longer he remained in the embrace the stronger the scent of blood became, easily mingling with the sweet scent of Hoseok’s body and confusing him as to why it was so strong. Stroking over the black hair he slowly opened his eyes, meeting the other man’s before placing a soft kiss against the curved mouth, only adding to the bloody mess, this time mainly his own.

“I think you have to help me to put something over this, I think I'm bleeding pretty badly.” The black eyes lost focus as a smile spread over Hoseok's beautifully curved, red lips. “I told you it's a cycle,” the black-haired man whispered and collapsed on top of him.

_ Fuck. _

Hyungwon’s eyes widened and he panicked a little, watching the way the beautiful man was still surrounded by light blue that continuously dissipated into the air.

_ What’s the point of the cycle if you rip the energy from him by hurting him? _

Discomfort spread through him, adding to a familiar sensation of dread, ice cold and resembling the way tainted energy felt when it entered his body, numbing his senses and forcing human emotions into him.

_ Like fear. _

His eyes jumped over Hoseok’s unconscious form at high speed, examining the deep scratches he had left on the broad back in addition to the way he had pierced the shoulders with his claws, both enough to bleed and kill the other man unless he acted quickly.

_ You’ve killed enough people, Hyungwon. _

He jumped up as fast as he could, ignoring the sensation of separating from the other man’s body and the way liquid ran down his legs. Running to the medical cupboard in the kitchen he opened it forcibly and ripped everything that appeared useful from it.

_ You might have to stitch him up. _

Breathing deeply he threw it all back in, grabbed the whole box and ran back to the bedroom, hissing at the sight of blood in Hoseok’s black hair. Hyungwon had managed to cover most of the other man’s body with it by stroking along his skin and touching him repeatedly. A glance at his hands was enough to suck his lips into his mouth and exhale harshly.

_ You look like you murdered him. _

Rubbing over his fingers repeatedly although there was no way that could remove the blood he sat down on the soft sheets, ignoring the fact that he was still covered by liquid and dried blood from their love-making. Opening the box again he took out disinfectant, pouring some of it on a soft tissue and rubbing it over the bruised skin, watching the amount of blue light carefully, afraid to see it fade.

The panic only rose as he furiously threw stuff out of the box until he finally found what he was looking for, a small stitching kit with thread that was absorbed after a while, perfect to close up wounds without having to remove the thread later. Pulling the thin strand through the loop in the needle Hyungwon disinfected it quickly before beginning to close up the worst of the wounds, moving through the skin with practised movements and fixing it. He had never been more thankful about his past experiences with the medical profession and the developments it had experienced in the past two hundred years.

As soon as the blue light remained relatively constant he exhaled again, fingers shivering a little as he began to place bandages around the other wounds, putting antiseptic on them before covering them with the soft, white material. Hoseok was still unconscious as he did so, but it would have been a miracle if he had been awake, energy not enough to keep him aware with the amount that he had lost due to blood.

_ He was probably only able to remain aware because he shared yours. _

Sitting on the black sheets he stared at the unconscious human, expression peaceful despite the blood that still stained his face and hair, lips blood red and swollen from kissing Hyungwon’s.

_ Why are you doing this to him? This is why connections like this aren’t meant to be, Hyungwon. _

There was a sharp pain in his chest that he couldn’t identify, none that resembled anything physical or a wound that could have been hurting him.

_ It’s the same. After the wound of the knife had healed, the pain had remained the same, just like this. _

Swallowing deeply he grabbed a few of the remaining tissues, running them over his limbs to remove the result of the other man’s affection and some of the blood that he was able to wipe away. His hands remained the same, dark red and covered. Standing up slowly he walked to the bathroom, using soap and cool water to remove the colour, to rub it off his skin. The water was a deep red as it disappeared down the drain, a reminder of how unfit he was at being with a human.

_ This is why you are supposed to stay away and keep them oblivious, take their energy and disappear as soon as they know. What makes you think that he won’t be afraid, Hyungwon? After this he might be. _

He couldn’t help the shiver that passed through his legs at the thought, each step heavy as he returned to the bedroom after cleaning up properly. Hoseok still remained unconscious, face peaceful and appearing happy although the other shouldn’t have been, with the pain Hyungwon had inflicted on him. There was no way that the black-haired man would have considered it alright after waking up.

Slipping into his tight leather pants and the grey silk shirt he glanced at the beautiful human again, reaching out and stroking over the soft skin of his face, separating a few strands that stuck together due to the blood that had stained them. Leaning down Hyungwon pressed a kiss against the soft lips, licking inside the other man’s mouth and willingly giving away some of his energy, sharing it with the black-haired man and adding more brightness to the silhouette.

_ He needs it more than you do. _

Pressing a last kiss to the slightly wet forehead he covered the naked body with one of the soft blankets, chewing on his cheeks as he turned around and left, running down the stairs as fast as he could.

_ You’re probably the last person he wants to see once he wakes up. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 29th of June at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't want pain, I want you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

_ ‘Can't you stay? _

_ I'm having a lot of realizations these days, things that I haven't thought about for a long time and things I've never thought about.  _

_ Have you ever wanted something so much that everything else appeared blurred whilst thinking about the desired object? I haven't. I didn't want anything before I started wanting to live. The desire to live was evoked through the realization that it could've been taken away from me, the life. _

_ Just like you.  _

_ I thought I'd never have anything else that I ever wanted as much as I wanted to live, but life is strange, it makes us learn a lot of things. But nothing is as it seems, life is proving again and again that we're just perceiving the world from the perspective of a kneeling ant while feeling big and prepared. _

_ I'm not. I know that I'm not prepared and I also know that fear is pointless, I don't even realise whether it’s the fear or the absolute knowledge that you’ve already dug in so deep inside me, my emotions, my world view and my personality that you going will leave a deep hole behind. One that nothing will ever be able to fill again. _

_ It’s the second isn't it? _

_ I really wish you could stay.  _

_ Please stay.  _

_ Fuck.’  _

_

 

_ Fuck. _

Pain, his old, annoying friend spread at the same speed as his consciousness recovered, covering his body in overwhelming perceptions, lips just waiting to part and groan from the agony, but keeping it in.

_ There is someone next to you. It's probably him. _

Opening one eye, Hoseok stared into equally brown eyes, looking at him full of worry and something that seemed like anger. He tried lifting his upper body but pain shot through his back and shoulders at the sudden movement and he ended up falling back onto the pillows Changkyun had placed under his torso.

“Do you even know what kind of condition you are in? Apart from being covered in blood and cum? Who did this, Hoseok? And more importantly who the fuck stitched it like a professional doc while you were still naked and covered in bodily fluids.” Changkyun grabbed his wrist painfully and came closer, exhaling roughly against his chin.

_ Hyungwon stitched it? He knows how to do it?  _

_ Shit, where is he? _

He wanted to open his mouth to start denying everything, but there was no point in lying, his best friend knew him well enough to know that he sucked at lying.

“I'm fine, it probably looks worse than it really is. It's nothing,” he murmured and tried to free himself.

_ This is going too far, Hoseok. _

“Don't you dare lie to me, I know that it was the pink-haired asshole, his hair is all over your pillow. I'll find him and I'll punch him in his pretty face for doing this to you, Hoseok, if you're not able to. This is mental, you're a surgeon, you know exactly how bad this is, you passed out.” The pretty brown eyes narrowed and the low voice got more emotional. “This is not okay, I don't want to be scared to lose you once again, Hoseok. I’ve had enough for the next ten years, please stop.” Tears formed inside the attractively shaped eyes, spilling over the lid and flowing down Changkyun’s golden cheek.

_ He's crying because of you. Your life is not only yours as long as you entangle it with others, Hoseok. He likes you and you hurt him with all of this. _

Lifting his body up and hissing at the stabbing pain, he curled both arms around his best friend, pressing him closer and stroking over the silky black strands.

“I really don't want to hurt you, I will try to explain this to you. He doesn't want to hurt me, Changkyun. He likes me, but sometimes it just happens. I need him like breathing. After going through the therapy I felt like an alien living among humans. Others just don't understand me, the way I perceive living and death, why I make decisions the way I do, why I feel no fear, why I don't want to hurt others around me. I know l appear egoistic. He is in a way like me.” Hoseok stopped and licked over his lips, chuckling in a mocking manner while still stroking over the other man's hair. 

“Actually he's not, he's like the materialized opposite of my existence, but he makes me feel at home, as if he's where I belong. I want to give him so much, but there's nothing he needs and he stays with me although I'm just me and he has to leave. It's hard to explain, but he makes me feel as if it's fine to be different somehow.” Hoseok sucked in a breath and leaned back, watching his best friend carefully.

“You're making it so hard, Hoseok. I have the feeling that there's nothing I can do to get through to you, as if I can see you standing there and scream at you, but you can't hear me. And you'll never be able to. What happened to you to become like this? You were surrounded by death before, is it because of the chemotherapy? Because you almost died? There are a lot of people who are going through this, but still-" Changkyun’s low voice broke in the middle of the sentence.

“But still they're not like me. That's what I mean, I don't want to go back to how I lived before, this experience has given me something I don't want to forget. I can't be the person I've been before. You're missing something that's not there anymore.” Hoseok wiped the tears from his best friend’s face.

_ Like him. He also lives in the human body fooling everyone around him. He must be feeling similar, but more devastated. And more like he doesn't belong in this world. _

The thought was painful and he closed his eyes, hoping that the physical pain would take over instead. It was easier to handle.

Much easier.

_  
  


Walking was still painful as he climbed up the stairs to the big burgundy painted house. The house where the Gumiho lived.

_ Hyungwon. He lives here. _

Hoseok rang the bell and sincerely hoped that the other man was home. Sitting down was not an option because he needed to lean against something but his back hurt. 

A lot.

The door opened almost instantly, not even two seconds passing, like Hyungwon had known that he was there. Hot arms immediately curled around his neck and waist, holding him steady as the pink-haired man pulled him into the house and closed the door again.

It was pitch dark as soon as the heavy wood fell into its holder, a small line of moonlight shining through the crack before disappearing into nothing. The only remaining source of illumination was the way Hyungwon's ice-blue coloured eye was able to reflect the most minimal amount of light.

“Are you okay?” the other man whispered harshly, hot air brushing Hoseok’s cheek and lips.

“I am, don't you think you should check the healing progress after stitching me up perfectly, doc?” Hoseok smiled and relaxed in the familiar arms, feeling incredibly happy that Hyungwon was still there.

He couldn't see the facial expression but it couldn't have been a positive one with the way Hyungwon tensed. 

“I saw the amount of energy, it was fine. I was pretty convinced that you wouldn't want to see me to be honest. Until you just came here that is.”

_ Not wanting to see him? Why wouldn't you want to see him? _

“Why wouldn't I want to see you? You were the only one I could think about since my consciousness came back.” Hoseok curled his arms around the thin body and pressed Hyungwon closer, pain shooting through his back.

“You're in pain,” the pink-haired man remarked, voice rather distant as he lifted Hoseok up, careful not to make him move too much. The distance remained as he moved to an unfamiliar room, just as dark as the rest of the house. Using an index finger to turn on the light, probably just for him, Hyungwon walked into the spacious room. It was just as filled with old furniture as the rest of the house, large cherry wood chairs with big seating cushions taking up most of the space just like a similar sofa. There was a fireplace in the centre.

“On the stomach is better, right?” the other man asked but it sounded like a fact again, voice monotone. The large hands put him down on the sofa as Hyungwon stared at him, finally revealing his whole face, expressions clear. 

“I almost killed you, Hoseok.”

_ Bullshit. _

“First of all that's not true, you scratched over my back, but it's okay. You stitched me up just fine so I'm here next to you, just like I want to be. You didn't do it on purpose, I know that.” He sighed and curled his arms around Hyungwon's delicate neck. “I don't want to be on my stomach, I want to see your face. You don't like to be babied and neither do I.”

“Just because it wasn't on purpose doesn't mean that it can't happen again or that it won't be worse. You could have bled to death if I hadn't acted immediately,” the tall man murmured, stroking over Hoseok’s hair. “You should know how fragile human life is, one hand movement can be enough to end it.”

_ But life is still better like this than without him. _

“Yes, so I'm very thankful to you. I missed you. So much,” he whispered, biting down on his own lower lip.

The beautiful being froze, hand pausing in its path through Hoseok’s hair.

“Are- are you sure that you know what you are doing? Are you really aware of the consequences and risks?” The previous distance returned as Hyungwon spoke, putting a bit more space between their bodies and peeling Hoseok’s hands off his chest, leaving him on the soft couch. “You act like an addict and I can't tell what's real anymore. Do you really see what's there?”

_ Addict? _

“Why? Because I want to be with you even if it hurts? Just like I want to live even if it hurts, it's simple really.” Stretching out a hand, Hoseok hesitated for a couple of seconds before taking it back. “Weren't you the one who was addicted to my scent? I never asked you whether it was real.”

The mismatched eyes widened for a few seconds before they returned to their previous size and the other man curled his hand around his.

“I- I'm sorry if that upsets you, but I don't think I have ever met anybody that really liked me instead of being influenced by the beckoning, the feelings of the kiss or the human I pretended to be.” The other man sighed as the long fingers held on tighter. “I don't know if this isn't just a strange part of my abilities, a skill that protects me if my identity was revealed by just forcing the human to develop affection. I don't want it to be fake, I-”

Hyungwon stopped speaking and closed his eyes, breathing heavily as Hoseok could feel something sharp touch his skin before it disappeared, hot hand leaving his. 

“I just don't know if you really want to be with me even though I could accidentally kill you and am going to leave in the end, Hoseok. Do you still have the silent hope that I won't? Is that why you are willing to take all of this?”

_ Why is he hesitating? It seems as if he's scared. _

“You keep talking about me, but what about you, Hyungwon? Are you waiting for the time you can leave me behind and be unbothered again? Did I go too deep under your skin? Too deep for your liking?” Hoseok leaned back against the couch, ignoring the pain, his shaking hands the only sign of the strength it took to hide his discomfort.

“I'm not waiting for it, Hoseok,” the pink-haired man whispered as his hands curled up into fists, strength visible with how white his knuckles became, almost resembling the colour of the walls. The mismatched eyes rose and stared at him, expression so different from the distance Hyungwon had tried to keep up. Sucking in a deep breath the beautiful man stepped closer, arms shivering from the strength he used, lean muscles bulging. “I don't want it to come.”

“Why the fuck are you like this then? Just come here and hold me instead of running around and acting distant. What am I to you? Just tell me,” he hissed, pain painting his reactions and forcing him to act sensitive. For a few seconds nothing happened,  the beautiful man remaining frozen in front of him. 

“Special,” Hyungwon commented quietly and sat down next to him, tight grip finally loosening, revealing the red colour on his golden palms. The pink-haired man hugged him, holding on tightly but still careful with his back, long fingers sinking into the strands of his hair like before. “Which is why I don't want to be the reason for your death.”

“There are worse things than death, Hyungwon. And you don't need to be, I don't want to die,” he whispered back and leaned in, kissing the plump lips. “I just want to be with you.”

“But why aren’t you scared? It looked like I murdered you, Hoseok, you were completely covered in your own blood,” the beautiful man murmured, returning the kiss and placing another one on his cheek, touch light. “It’s not about whether you are afraid to die. It’s about me not wanting to kill you.”   
  
_ He doesn't care if you die. He just doesn't want to be the reason. _ __  
__  
“I’m not scared of you, Hyungwon. And I won’t be.” He sighed after a short pause. “What does special mean? Special enough to put me inside of this box of yours?”

“Special enough to not have left yet.” The hot lips pressed against his forehead before the pink-haired man moved back again, arms remaining curled around his body. “Special enough to not want to hurt you.”

_ There's no solution. _   
  
“Fair enough. So how did you like the cycle?” Hoseok asked with a bright grin, stroking over Hyungwon’s lean thigh with his flat palm.

The other man chuckled, crossing his legs and leaning against the soft couch, one arm remaining around Hoseok’s shoulders.

“Is this the time for the famous ‘I told you so’? It was nice if that’s what you want to hear. I didn’t expect it. The only reason you didn’t collapse immediately is because you were sharing my energy while yours was slowly running out.” Hyungwon bit his lips after finishing, like he didn’t enjoy the thought.   
  
“I don’t know about the magical energy stuff, but it definitely felt like being inside a fucking volcano. Wow. You managed to drive me so crazy that I didn’t really mind the pain.” Hoseok turned and caught Hyungwon’s lower lip with his teeth, nibbling on it before letting go.

“So now you have decided that that’s what you want?” The pink-haired man raised an eyebrow, licking over his lips as his eyes narrowed. “Pain?”

_ What? _

Hoseok was slowly going nuts, it was so difficult with Hyungwon all of a sudden, something about the other man's attitude towards him had changed.

_ Did he change because of letting you inside him? Was there something about the energy you didn't get? _

“I don't want pain, I want you. If pain is the only way to have you, I'm fine with it. What's wrong, Hyungwon? What happened that you're not behaving the way you normally do?” He focused his gaze on the incredibly handsome face, mismatched eyes and sharp teeth visible when the beautiful being licked over his lips.

There was silence as the mismatched eyes slowly focused on him, lips almost blood red from the way the beautiful man had been abusing them, hands gradually curling into fists again.

“Because I saw what can happen, Hoseok. I’m scared.” The long fingers were shaking a little as Hyungwon curled them around his knee. “I’m scared of losing you.”

_ Shit. _

It seemed like a curse, he didn't want people to be scared around him but still they were. Scared that they'd get hurt or die.

“You'll lose me when you leave. Until then I'll be fine,” he whispered and swallowed at the lump that seemed to be stuck inside his throat.

“I wished that was true, but then again I had to stitch a wound on your back. How can you constantly be so sure that nothing will happen to you? I thought you didn’t have illusions of eternity, you should know better than this, Hoseok.” There was again a sign as Hyungwon stood up from the couch and stretched out his hand towards Hoseok, hinting at him to take it. “You are staying tonight, aren’t you?”

_ Something is off. _

“Your claws are about one centimeter long, there are no major veins on the back and I made sure you didn't go near my neck because stitching the jugular is no fun. I don't know if I'll stay, something is strange and I don't know what it is.” Watching the slim figure he observed the stretched out hand with the dark red stains of dried blood covering the long fingers.

_ It seems as if he wants distance between you. _

_ He doesn't think like you and he doesn't feel like you. _

_ He's not you. _

“I killed someone before, someone I shouldn't have. I just don't want it to happen again.” The voice was low and distant again, very much unlike the other man as he pulled his hand back. “So I guess even human feelings have a stop button? When I'm worried you're suddenly not as infatuated anymore? You don't like requited feelings, Hoseok? You prefer one-sided love?”

_ What? _

The lump inside his throat made it hard to breathe. He stood up and looked into the beautiful eyes. His favourite eyes.

“You know nothing. But you can read about it after you leave, open the brown leather notebook, like some novel you like and read about my feelings towards you. Laugh about it as if it's a fun story, something you can't relate to, stupid but still entertaining. Close it and put it inside your box. Where it belongs.” He couldn't hold back his tears although he didn't want to cry. Not at all, not in front of the ice blue coloured eye that was staring at him. He turned around and walked towards the place he remembered the door to be.

There were no steps behind him and although he wouldn’t have heard the other man move either way the vibrant pink of the other man’s hair also didn’t appear, not even when Hoseok’s hand finally found the knob of the heavy door and ripped it open, allowing moonlight to light up the hallway for a few seconds.   
  
_ You probably hit the bulls eye. _ __  
__  
It felt empty, walking back home over the empty streets with the feeling of dread and something else that he forgot existed. 

_Fear._  
  
It was night on a weekday so there were almost no people around. Putting one foot in front of the other he ignored the prominent pain in his back. It felt as if Hyungwon had ripped it open over and over again, leaving him alone to bleed.  
  
_But it was you who left, Hoseok._ __  
__  
Whatever happened, Hyungwon wanted distance between them. The other man’s behaviour had been so different from the way the Hyungwon normally acted around Hoseok. The pink-haired being normally touched him while grinning with his sharp teeth on display.  
  
_Maybe he realized something for himself. Something he doesn’t want to share with you._ __  
__  
He ran up the stairs, ignoring the pain as much as he could, just like the sweat that kept forming because of it and stopped only after reaching his desk. He pulled out the top drawer with his shaky and unusually pale hand. The old notebook looked as if it was mocking him. As if everything had been so clear and he was the only one who didn’t understand what was going on.   
  
Hoseok stroked over the yellow page before his pen touched the rough surface, writing down thoughts that appeared inside his head.  
  
_‘You don’t understand me either. Am I right?_ __  
__  
_You don’t understand why I want to be with you, although you hurt me. Don’t misunderstand me, it does hurt, a lot, just as I write, I try not to pass out from the pain that is similar to being ripped apart. This time it’s not only because of the wounds your claws gave me. It’s also you being distant with me after what happened. Is the fact that I’m human enough to change your attitude towards me? Yes, I can get hurt. My body is like this, but I still want you, Hyungwon, why can’t you understand how much this means to me?_ __  
__  
_After almost dying a couple of times I feel like I don’t belong here, as if I’m alone in this world although I’m surrounded by amazing people, who all love me for no reason. But I still...I still feel alone because there is something about me that others will never be able to understand. I have the feeling that you do. Not consciously, but you give me the feeling that I’m not alone like this. That you’re there and you have similar perceptions._ __  
__  
_Sure, I will die and you will keep living forever, but I can’t breathe without you Hyungwon, why don’t you see that? Sometimes I wish that I didn’t give you my energy such that you would still know whether I’m sad and need you. Just like now. Just like I need you now. So fucking badly._ __  
__  
_I spend my days and nights trying to fight the wish to run over to you, to hug you, to touch you and to look into your beautifully mismatched eyes. It’s so hard, but I still do it. I don’t want to be without you, not even for a second._ __  
__  
_You told me it’s an addiction. It’s not._ __  
__  
_You are not like me, I don’t even know whether you will ever be able to feel something like deep love or affection towards me, whether it’s possible for you at all. I don’t know whether you will accidentally hurt me or kill me because of something I might say or do, or because you didn’t pay attention. I don’t know whether you’ll just disappear because you don’t consider it necessary to stay next to me. Or because you don’t want me anymore._ __  
__  
_But still. But I still want to be with you because it feels as if I’ve finally found home. A place I belong._ __  
__  
_I still want you, Hyungwon._ __  
__  
_I love you so much that it’s not funny anymore, I sit here and try to remember every word you said and every touch you gifted me with because it’s the time when I feel that I’, able to breathe._ __  
__  
_Today I was scared for the first time in a year. It was because of you, because I had the feeling that something broke and I didn’t realize. I don’t want it to break, Hyungwon._ __  
__  
_You’d probably laugh about this, but I’d kneel in front of you covered in blood, just so you would stay with me, just so you wouldn’t leave me._ __  
__  
_But then it’s a human thing, am I right?_ __  
__  
_I think there’s a problem with me. I’m a human who doesn’t feel like one, and you’re a Gumiho who doesn’t want to be human. I really want to give you everything I have, but it seems as if it’s not what you want and also not what you need._ __  
__  
_Is there a solution for this?_ __  
__  
_Do you want to stay with me?_ __  
__  
_Do you love me?_ __  
__  
_I think that even if you’d answer with a no to all of those questions, I would still love you. Is it a human thing?_ __  
__  
_I still love you and I still want you. It just keeps getting more._ __  
__  
_There’s no stop button for me._ __  
__  
_There’s just death.’_ __  
__  
_  
  
  
The days were getting long, Hoseok still went to work because he couldn’t handle staying at home and being in pain. It was still better to be in pain at work. Hyungwon and him didn’t talk, he went to the burgundy coloured house a couple of times, but the pink-haired man must’ve been working. The silence from the phone or over WhatsApp had also not been something unusual so he decided to give the other man some time while suffering silently all by himself.  
  
_Is it your fetish? To suffer?_ __  
__  
Actually it wasn’t, but Hyungwon might have gotten the impression that Hoseok liked pain. His thoughts were circling around the mesmerizing being, his voice, his stunning eyes, the way he moved not making any noise.   
  
_Write it. Write it down._ __  
__  
He changed into a white shirt and black jeans after taking a long shower and sat down at the dark brown desk. The movement was almost automatic just as the tactile perceptions weren’t. It didn’t feel right as he grabbed the notebook and put it on his table. Focusing his gaze on the outline of the object his heart stopped for a second, as the background noise shut down leaving him in absolute silence while he stared at the familiar belonging.  
  
_Your cancer diary._ __  
__  
He felt how his heartbeat increased, panic rising and travelling down his spine, his arms and his fingertips that began shaking and searching for the dark brown leather notebook that had previously been lying in his drawer but wasn't there anymore.  
  
_You told him not to take it. It was him, he took it and brought the diary back._ __  
__  
It simply didn’t make sense to him at all. There was no reason for the pink-haired being to steal the notebook and return his cancer diary all of a sudden, although nothing had happened. Sure, they didn’t talk for more than a week but it had never been something strange before, as Hyungwon almost never called and just randomly came over when his shooting was over.   
  
Taking the objects out of his drawer one after the other, he suddenly grabbed something metallic, cool against the skin of his palm. Pulling it out he bit down on his lip painfully, a tear forming and dropping down immediately.   
  
_Your keys._ __  
__  
The sound of metal against his wooden floor filled the acoustic space and he pulled out his smartphone, typing the call sign like a crazy person with shaky fingers.  
  
‘This phone number can not be reached.’ was the only signal on the other side of the line. His thoughts were battling each other as he jumped up and moved towards the door, slipping into his shoes and running down the stairs right after.  
  
_Please. Please let him be at home._ __  
__  
Hoseok ran as he couldn’t do anything else in that situation, soles of his shoes hitting the wet concrete as it must’ve been raining, but he didn’t realize at all. It didn’t matter, nothing did besides the thoughts that kept repeating inside his head.  
  
_What if he left? What if he just left without telling you, what if he just took the notebook and left?_ __  
__  
The tears kept running down, intermingling with the rain and the deep feeling of loss and pain, almost numbing had he not been forced to move his body.   
  
Arriving at the familiar house something seemed off. The blinds were open and something was attached to the front door.  
  
‘For sale.’  
  
A cold shudder passed through his lungs, making it hard to breathe. He pulled out his phone once again, dropping it on the ground immediately because of how much his fingers were shaking. He dialed Max although it was already ten in the evening.  
  
“How can I help you, honey?” the high pitched male voice greeted him and he sighed in relief.  
  
“Do you know where Hyungwon is right now? Is he at a shoot?” Hoseok asked and waited for approximately ten seconds before the man on the other end of the line answered.  
  
“Who’s Hyungwon? I think you dialed the wrong number, sunshine.”  
  
He dropped down on the doorstep as his phone hit the wet concrete, dull and without any meaning.  
  
_He’s gone, Hoseok. He left._ __  
__  
It felt like burning and freezing at the same time, realization so unreal and painful simultaneously that he just sat there, hoping that his breathing would do the job. Or not. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered because he was gone. 

Hyungwon left and the world stopped turning, similar to the day he had gotten his diagnosis. 

Only that this time there seemed to be no point in fighting.  
  


***  
  


The wave of sound was almost deafening as it passed from the door through the whole house, air hitting his skin just like the noise hit his ears.

_ He left. You made him leave. _

It should have been good. It should have evoked the familiar feeling of relief and ignorance, of neutral feelings and lack of affection that he was so used to. It should have returned his emotions to the state they were in before, simple and mostly non-existent. It should have, but it didn’t.

Instead the heaviness in his chest remained, the same feeling that had spread through his body and filled out his fingers and toes when Hoseok had been hurt, lying on the bed covered in blood while Hyungwon had the dark red liquid on his hands. It was the same burning sensation that he felt each time when he received tainted energy, when he was filled out with negative human emotions. Just that he was producing them himself this time.

_ He’s making you feel. You shouldn’t be. _

Hyungwon bit down on his lip, waiting for the familiar taste of iron to occupy his senses and confuse his sense of smell. It was a futile attempt at overshadowing the scent of the other man that had remained on his clothes, his body and the couch that Hoseok had been sitting on. The same sweetness occupied the hallway, emitted from the paintings that had absorbed it before. It also transcended the air and was caught at the door knob that the black-haired man had touched before leaving. It was everywhere.

_ He’s infusing everything around you, Hyungwon, covering it with his scent. Like a mark. What makes you so sure that you will be able to remove it later? _

Hoseok didn’t understand, he didn’t understand the significance that accidentally hurting him had for Hyungwon. It had happened before, with other humans. They had angered him, unaware of outbursts or miscalculations of strength, getting physically hurt as a result. But bodily pain wasn't the only thing that Hyungwon was able to inflict on others. He had been unable to control his need for energy before, senses blurring and bead taking everything there was. He had forced a human to die because of his own inability to control his abilities.

_ Their lives didn’t matter before, but now they do. They aren’t yours to take. _

He didn’t want to hurt the black-haired man. Hyungwon didn’t want to be the reason for pain or loss of energy in Hoseok. Pain had been the most prominent sensation for others when it came to him but with the other man it had appeared different. It seemed like happiness was the emotion that Hyungwon was able to evoke, to make the other feel. 

_ You made him feel positive human emotions instead of draining his existence off of them.  _

Hoseok had felt euphoric around him, excited and filled with positivity. With love and affection. It was the first time that his being - without any mask or illusion - had evoked joy in another human.

_ You ruined it. You took the joy and gave him pain instead, just like you always do. _

His hands curled into fists as he growled in frustration, body wishing to run after the other man, to calm him down and apologize but mind knowing that it wouldn’t have changed anything.

_ You would have apologized and done the exact same thing again, ripping his skin and making him almost bleed to death. _

It was simple, really. Hoseok must have been unable to see the situation, to stay rational despite romantic feelings. It was very typical of humans to drown in their love for another and accept bad treatment, pain and lack of affection. The black-haired man was doing the same, constantly enduring whatever Hyungwon sent his way and only receiving small bits and pieces in return.

_ It’s not comparable, he doesn’t see the trade-off. He’s losing while you’re gaining. _

Hyungwon wasn’t human, he could see and understand the situation. He could see what Hoseok was doing to himself through his association with a non-human being.

_ He's ruining his human life, running away from social constructs that are meant to support him. You're isolating him.  _

The sacrifices the other man was making by accepting pain and giving up on the things he enjoyed, be it work, sports or interaction, were absolutely incomprehensible to Hyungwon. Hoseok was giving up on everything just to be with him. Just to be with someone who was going to leave him behind after a few years and take his memories.

Was it really worth it to suffer for a few seconds of happiness? Happiness that might not even be real?

Hyungwon didn’t know. It didn’t seem like something desirable, something to yearn for.

_ And still you wish he would have stayed, that he would have kept his arms around you and accepted everything you threw at him like a mindlessly obsessed human. Is that what you want him to be? Controlled by the affection you force upon him? _

The thought hurt, burning in his chest and forcing him to inflict pain on his palms to distract from the dread that spread in his body and refused to leave.

It was the best decision. It was the best to upset the other and make him wish to never see him again, to never be confronted with someone outside his realm again and thereby be able to continue his human life without interruptions that didn’t belong.

_ You don’t belong in his life, you have already intruded too much, Hyungwon. Accept the pain, pack it away and forget about it. You’re so good at that. _

It should have been so easy, so easy to take the thoughts and distance himself from them, to pour them into an object that he abandoned among the black depths of his experiences.

It should have, but it wasn’t.

Hyungwon’s feet carried him along the hallway, soft fabric of the carpet giving in under his feet but not making any sound. There was only the quiet rushing of the wind through one of the windows he had left open in his bedroom. He didn’t go far, just to one of the drawers at the other end of the long corridor. Curling his long fingers around the golden knob of the middle drawer he pulled it out, eyes immediately falling on the familiar leather book.

_ You still have it.  _

The diary had still retained some of Hoseok’s scent, not as strong as the paintings were able to produce but enough to know that it was his, that it belonged to the black-haired man. Instead of pouring his memories into it and shutting it away Hyungwon opened it, glancing at ink-stained pages and brushing over the soft texture.

_ You need to return it to him before he can leave your life completely. It isn’t yours to keep anymore if you don’t understand it. _

His eyes scanned the pages, jumping from line to line as the familiar burning continued in his chest, spreading out and only getting worse the more thoughts he read and the longer he stared at the discoloured pages, moving from one to the next.

_ He won’t be able to let go on his own, Hyungwon. Even though he left he won’t let go. _

The thought was sudden, like a sharp object that flew against a glass window and shattered it in an instant, lines appearing from the point of impact and spreading out until the whole construct shattered, breaking apart from that one hit alone.

_ You need to leave for him to be able to move on. Leaving will give him time, time to forget since you can’t make him. _

_ A human should remain among his own kind. _

_ Just like you should return to your constant companion. Loneliness.  _

His hands shivered as he forced them to close the book, returning it to the drawer and staring at the way some of the colouring had remained on his fingertips, staining his skin.

_ Just hope the mark he left isn’t permanent. _

_  
  


He couldn’t leave. Not just like that.

The thought continuously circled through his mind, like an eagle above its prey, drawing circles until it was finally time to rush down and catch it while the poor animal on the ground didn't suspect a thing.

The problem was that the moment never came. No matter how he worked, focused on his new identity, forced himself to return the book and avoided meeting the black-haired man, he couldn’t do it. It just wasn't right. Hoseok was hurt and stayed away, but it wasn’t enough yet, not enough to make him leave. It wasn’t time and he just couldn’t fucking do it.

_ You can’t be the one tying him to yourself, Hyungwon. You’re the only one who can let go, you have enough time to deal with this. You just need to leave. _

The thought was clear, putting all the responsibility in his hands. He was the one who was rational, aware of his actions and the ones of the other man. There was nobody else who could have made the decision for him. Hoseok saw too much and there was no possibility for Hyungwon to take that but the earlier he disappeared the more time the black-haired man had to return to a proper and enjoyable life that didn't involve giving himself up.  __  
__  
Suddenly an unfamiliar scent appeared and clouded his senses. It must have been an intruder, someone vaguely familiar but not enough to recognise them immediately. Sensing danger Hyungwon focused more energy on the identification of the person coming closer to his house.

After a couple of seconds he recognized Hoseok’s friend as the other man was standing right in front of his door. Hyungwon didn’t have to wait for long until the bell confirmed his suspicion.

_ Why would he come and see you? _

His blood boiled at the unexpected visitor. There had not even once been a human that considered it appropriate or even remotely smart to come to his house apart from Hoseok. There should have been enough things keeping them from it, instinct among others.

_ How did he even find you? _   
  
Returning his human form Hyungwon glanced at his hands shortly, confirming that they looked appropriate before clicking the light switch and opening the door, eyes immediately falling on the short black-haired man. Not even a second passed before the lips parted and the other man began to speak, words falling out as if they had been prepared.   
  
“I don’t know if you remember me. I’m Changkyun, Hoseok’s best friend. I think we need to talk.” The interestingly shaped eyes narrowed while Hoseok’s friend scanned his form.

_ He needs to talk to you. There is nothing apart from Hoseok that he might want to talk about. _

Hyungwon placed his flat palm on the door frame and leaned against it a little bit, blocking the entry and staring at the other man. There was no way that talking to Hoseok’s friend was a good idea. The short man already knew too much and Hyungwon had avoided erasing his memories for Hoseok’s sake. The unfamiliar human was dangerous.

“And why would I talk to you, Im Changkyun? Especially when you come unannounced and to my private home on top of that,” Hyungwon asked passively, muscle tension preparing him to act if necessary.    
  
The other brushed a hand through his black hair and stared back. Hoseok seemed to share the lack of self preservation with the short human.   
  
“Because I don’t want my best friend to die because of you. Whatever it is that you both are up to, it will end with Hoseok getting hurt or dying. I don’t know how you were able to stitch him, but this is not going to work. I came to talk to you because there’s no way that I’ll leave you alone after this. He’s simply crazy and not afraid of anything and you seem to use it. He died thrice, he doesn’t need a fourth time, Chae Hyungwon.”

_ He died. Something in Hoseok died before and you are making it happen all over again.  _

Hyungwon stared at the small man and the way words just bubbled out of him, protective words, a sign of affection for his friend and something that humans were also particularly good at.

_ Whenever they aren’t able to see negative consequences they have someone else to do it for them. You forgot that, Hyungwon. _

Although Hoseok wasn’t able to see the effect a connection with Hyungwon had on him, others could. Others could see it and it was just a matter of time until they would understand the lack of humaneness behind it. Hyungwon wasn’t human and the closer one got the more it became painfully obvious.

_ They will find out, Hyungwon. You have already failed once, it is just a matter of time until it happens again.  _

Time was a companion that switched sides easily,  betraying in the blink of an eye. 

“It won’t happen again,” he remarked calmly, wondering how determined the other must have been if a simple repellent didn’t work on him. The small bits of energy were wasted with how firm the black-haired man was in his decision to protect his friend. “He’s not going to die because of me.”

_ He will die, but without you. You have to leave, Hyungwon. There is no other way. _ __  
__  
“That’s what you say after basically ripping his back open. I have no idea how you did it, but stay away from him. I know exactly where to find you and I will if you dare to hurt him again. You don’t have any clue about what kind of person Hoseok is. You’re just using him and I can feel it just from looking at you. Don’t you dare do that to him.” The small hands curled into fists at the other man’s sides as he kept hissing the words at him.

_ He knows too much and he is proactive. You can’t leave him like this, Hyungwon. _

_ And he might be right. _

It felt strange. The facts were the same as always. A human knew too much and therefore he had to erase them, to take so much energy that only a tiny bit remained, leaving them alive and as a byproduct removing their episodic memory until a certain point. It was simple and he had done it countless of times.

_ But he matters to Hoseok. He matters to Hoseok, but why do you care? _

It felt meaningful somehow, like the man in front of him had some kind of significance although there wasn't supposed to be one. Sure, his life mattered and it was something that Hyungwon wasn’t going to touch, but his memories should have been absolutely worthless. Meaningless and erasable just like a pencil line on a white sheet of paper.

He disliked the internal fight, the reluctance to take something away from another being. From a human that was meant to serve as a source of energy and nothing else.

_ You eat them, Hyungwon. Their memories are meaningless to you.  _

The muscles in his arms tensed.

_ Do it and leave. Immediately. You prepared everything, there is nothing stopping you from it. _

_ It’s better for everyone. _

“Would you like to come in?” he asked calmly, plastering a guilty expression on his face and gesturing inside, tongue licking over his lips quickly as he examined the colour of life force around the other man. It was a darker blue, resembling the night sky shortly after sunset. The scent was pleasant too.

_ Focus on what you know and desire. _   
  
“Only if you will tell me what the fuck you did to Hoseok and what you’re planning,” Changkyun murmured and walked past him.

_ That’s what instinct is for, Im Changkyun. It protects you from harm. _

“I will,” Hyungwon replied as he closed the door, leaving the light on in order to avoid a possible panic reaction in the other man. He wasn’t sure how the short man reacted to beckoning yet and it was important to calm him a little first.

_ Hoseok made you careful,  didn't he? _

“I also think that I might have overdone it a little. Hoseok shouldn’t be going through that and I have decided that it will be better for him if he doesn’t see me anymore. I am sure you would agree,” he elaborated as he stepped a little closer. His hand reached for the wall, leaning against it such that his fingers were close to the light switch. He disliked too much light anyway and the dark blue was most likely prettier without any additional light source.

_ It will be even more beautiful when it becomes yours.  _   
  
“You did. But Hoseok loves you. I don’t even know what the fuck I am supposed to do.” The black-haired man bit down on his lower lip and leaned against the wall.

_ His words are meaningless. He's energy.  _

“I’ll take care of that,” Hyungwon replied quietly as he added beckoning to his actions, watching intently how the unknown human reacted and whether he needed more or less to reach his goal. He had to be careful with his energy, especially since he intended to leave as soon as possible.   
  
Black eyes settled on him and the shorter man licked his lips while watching him intently.    
  
“You will?”

Hyungwon smiled, almost forgetting what it felt like to have such an effect on humans, to erase their previous thoughts and only leaving the wish to have their energy taken. It felt like ages since he had tasted anything apart from the beautiful bright blue light that surrounded Hoseok.

_ You were fixed on him. Now you can return to your old ways. _

“Mhh,” he hummed and pressed down on the light switch, feeling how his human form moved back a little, illusion distorting as darkness engulfed them. “Come here, Changkyun.”   
  
The slim figure walked up to him, gaze fixed on his lips.

_ Perfect. _

The lack of word was the best sign there was. Still smiling he curled one arm around the shorter man’s waist and pulled him closer, waiting for the few seconds in which victims tended to resist once their lips touched, a realization that usually came too late for salvation and was overshadowed by the strength of the bead right after. 

Inhaling deeply Hyungwon allowed the fog-like strength to move up his chest as he closed the distance between him and the other human, lips touching and strengthening his hold on the lean body as it jerked in defense, giving up right after.

_ Stay aware so you take the right amount. _

He kept his eyes opened as the bead passed through his lips and entered the other man, strength fading almost instantly and leaving a feeling of emptiness in addition to the presence of his real form, mismatched eyes and claws that dug into the soft sides.

A gasp was the only sound that left the human, probably overwhelmed by the perceptions that the bead allowed, dark blue colour disappearing gradually, sucked in by the strength that lay between the black-haired man’s lips.

As soon as there was only a thin line of blue left Hyungwon acted quickly, tilting the other man’s head and taking back the bead. The relief was instant as his strength returned and the shorter man fell against his body, energy neither sufficient to keep him conscious, nor to hold on.

_ He won't remember you. Just as he should.  _

There was no way that Changkyun would wake up anytime soon, so Hyungwon placed him on the carpet carefully, preparing himself for the last few things he needed to take care of before he left.  
_  
_ _ Changkyun isn’t the only human you need to erase. _

_ Be quick.  _

_

It felt empty somehow, entering the familiar apartment with the key Hoseok had given him and stepping inside. The scent was almost like the deep sea washing over him and Hyungwon had to force himself to stay focused on his goal instead of curling up on the soft bed and drowning himself in the pleasant sweetness the way he had before.

_ The time you got close to him and ripped him into pieces.  _

He rolled his wrist once as he scanned the apartment for things he might have left behind, anything that belonged to him or hinted at his existence.

_ You are leaving and there musn’t be any traces. _

It was only a matter of time until Hoseok would become aware of Changkyun’s discovery, and the fact that the other man was currently in a hospital and receiving medical treatment. His actions had to be fast and precise.

_ And without emotions. Put them aside. _

Opening the familiar shelf Hyungwon bit his lip, hands curling around the old book, the scent of ink as if the other man had only tainted a new page yesterday, fresh and intense in his nose. Ignoring the thoughts and returning hesitation he simply curled his arm around the new diary while placing the old one inside.

_ The keys. _

Placing the two small keys into the drawer as well, Hyungwon closed it with force, wishing to hear the sound to allow him to break with it, to associate it with something unpleasant and rough.

It helped a little. 

His feet carried him to the door as fast as they could with silent steps, avoiding to look at further objects and meaningful details in the apartment. He didn’t want to remember and he didn’t want to take anything else.

_ This book will be enough to leave a mark. _

_ One that stays. _

_  
  


It was colder than usual when Hyungwon walked the familiar path to the freshly painted house, a light yellow in order to fit to the surrounding ones that were various shades of brown. Curling his jacket further around his shoulders he stepped on the bigger stones that created a little pathway through the garden in front of the house, examining the small bushes that began to drop their leaves.

_ Next time you should pick a warm country. _

Ringing the bell he contemplated what he would say. He had never really needed to say goodbye before, disappearing without a word and without a remaining memory. However this timeline and this human life of his had been a little different, filled with revelations of his identity and individuals that had gotten too close.

The door opened slowly as a small red head appeared, green eyes narrowing as they checked carefully who it was before widening shortly. Kihyun opened the door quickly, pulling him in by his shirt as if he was no danger whatsoever and closing the door quickly.

“I told you to never come by on Tuesdays. The grandma next door keeps stalking you because of that hair of yours and since you left the fence gate open last time. She annoys the shit out of me,” the red-haired man remarked angrily and continued pulling him towards the brown apartment door, forcing him inside although Hyungwon could have overpowered him in under a second.

_ Good that you are leaving then and the grandma will never see you again. _

Hyungwon shrugged and peeled the rough hands off of his shirt, observing the way the half-Gumiho moved to the kitchen quickly and began pulling out a big chunk of raw meat.

“I didn’t expect you, but I’m guessing you want food, right?” Kihyun asked and glanced up, small smile on his lips.

“No.” It still felt strange to say it, to admit that he was leaving instead of just disappearing without a trace. “I came to say goodbye.”

The package of meat returned to the wooden desk, plastic crackling a little as the bright green eyes looked up, staring at him.

“You’re leaving? But- but I thought you leave in four years. You said that you always stay for ten and no way in hell is it ten yet. I calculated it exactly to make sure I have at least finished my degree and we can hang out without me having to study like a mental person.” There was a little bit of disappointment as far as Hyungwon could tell. The other man’s lower lip was pulled out further than the upper one, making him look dissatisfied and upset. “Where the hell will I get all my info from then? Asshole.”

Hyungwon let the nails on his index and middle finger scratch along his palm. It felt a little ticklish with human nails and sufficient to bring him out of the realization that he was probably seeing the redhead for the last time, because he had a human life span and would never live long enough to see Hyungwon return to Germany.

_ He will continue and change while you remain the same despite constantly adjusting the illusion that is you. _

“You can call me if you like. I will keep a number under which you will be able to contact me so I can continue helping you with your studies if you like,” he murmured and sat down, disliking the intensity and frustration that the other man threw his way.

“Is it because of the human? The one who was in your house. He found out something he shouldn’t have, right? So now you are leaving to erase everything.” Kihyun groaned and threw the meat back into the fridge, forcefully enough to knock over a glass filled with something else. “Stupid human.”

_ It’s not Hoseok. He had gotten curious but you are the one who gave in. _

“Hoseok isn’t at fault. He is part of the problem but not the guilty one.” Hyungwon stood up again and wanted to fill a glass with water just as the red-haired man did it for him, handing it over right after.

“So he’s a ‘Hoseok’ and not a ‘human’? Fascinating. I don’t care whether you give me your number or not, Hyungwon. I am upset because I hoped that we could see each other for longer than this. I expected another four years to be honest.” The words were sufficient to confirm his suspicion. Kihyun was upset about him leaving.

_ And not because of his studies but because he likes your company. _

“Thank you, Kihyun. I appreciate it. I hope you will use the number I am going to send you in the next few days.”

_ Is this how goodbyes feel? Distant somehow? Like it’s not really happening but cognitively you know that they are? _

“Asshole,” the redhead hissed and curled his arms around Hyungwon’s waist, pulling him close and squishing him with the available strength, adding a little bit of discomfort.

“At least I am allowing you to keep a way to contact me. No one else has it,” Hyungwon remarked and breathed in as soon as the lean arms let go of his waist and thereby also stopped blocking his influx of oxygen.

“Fucking great, of course only I have it. No one else will be able to remember you, Hyungwon.” There was another groan as Kihyun grabbed the empty glass that was left on the table and placed it in the sink, pursing his lips in annoyance.

_ Not quite. He’s not the only one who remembers. _

Hyungwon simply smiled, taking the backpack off his shoulders and pulling out the book he had prepared to give to the red-haired man. He had never read it after he got it back in the 13th century and it was obvious that the history student would appreciate it much more than he did.

“Since goodbyes often involve presents, here is mine. I hope you will take good care of it.” It hurt a little, a feeling he shouldn’t have been perceiving as he pulled the backpack over his shoulders again and stood up, preparing to leave.

“I’m thankful that you’ve been my friend,” he murmured before turning around and walking towards the door, holding his breath to not miss any of the noises and sensations that surrounded him, occurence burning into his memory like each and every one that he experienced.

“I still am.”

_   
  


The lights were bright, a little unpleasant for his sensitive eyes as he walked along one of the main roads of Soi Cowboy. It was late enough to be crowded, darkness overcome by the neon pink and purple, mixed with a tiny hint of red.

Hyungwon struggled to squeeze himself past the colourful mixture of elderly men, tourists and young girls that were either accompanying somebody or on their way to their next work place. A few ladyboys winked at him from the side, trying to lure him into their bars and see their shows but it didn’t take long to find a better, and more willing victim for their luring.

He grinned, enjoying the fact that Soi Cowboy was the perfect place to watch the way humans attempted to convince others to do as they wished, to show interest and spend gigantic amounts of money on their next sexual conquest. It was similar to what he had been doing all his life just that he did it with a little less effort.

As he finally made his way past the already familiar bars and faces, Hyungwon entered through the backdoor of one of the bigger clubs on the street. The bright neon sign with an arrow hinted at the main entrance of ‘Sweet Heaven’ being around the corner but that wasn’t what he needed. He made his way along the hallway quickly, walking past some of the girls and ladyboys that were preparing for a show, a mass of naked skin filling his vision in addition to cheap lipstick and overdone eyeshadow.

“You’re on in 45 minutes,” one of the girls hissed at him in Thai, visibly stressed as she continued past him into one of the side rooms, maybe for a client that had asked for her ahead of time. It happened often enough.

Bangkok hadn’t been his first choice when Hyungwon had considered where to go next to build up a new identity for the next few years, but it had been the best one. He ran a hand through his pink strands, glad that there was no necessity to change it, keeping the unusual colour and selling it as a plus point.

_ Nobody could ever find you here, even with a valid ID. _

Age didn’t matter at ‘Sweet Heaven’ and neither did the owner care whether you had an actual passport or not. Pretending to be Thai had been easy, language fluently leaving his lips without an accent. Convincing the ladyboy owner to be hired had been even easier as he had been one of the few men that performed on stage without the necessity to appear like a woman.

Another furious glance by one of the girls was enough to remind him of the fact that he had to prepare. It was pleasant to keep his energy to himself and accept the typical hostility he had experienced before his time in Germany. Before he had seen too much of the opposite.

_ When will you finally stop thinking about it, Hyungwon? _

He still had a lot of time to do so, only a few months had passed. It was nothing compared to the time that lay behind and before him, a small spark compared to a whole fire.  
  
Slipping the tight jeans off his legs and throwing the simple t-shirt he wore on a chair, Hyungwon grabbed his outfit for the day. The shorts were tight, a little uncomfortable but appeared alright on his slim frame, good enough to dance in. There were a few patterns drawn with something that resembled glitter, a little shiny and attention-catching with the right light. He followed it up with the next layers, something to rip, various chains that he covered his chest, arms and legs with and no shoes. 

Sensual must have been the theme for the night as a human named Rochana grabbed a few pink tones from her small eyeshadow palette and began smearing it on him. It felt very different to the modelling he had done before. He was still standing in the middle of a narrow hallway while half naked girls and boys ran past him, muttering something in Thai or simply staying quiet after having just come from their day job, one that probably paid much less than what they were doing at ‘Sweet Heaven’.

The human girl that continued with red colour on his lips had just turned nineteen a few weeks ago, at least that was what she had told Hyungwon. It wouldn’t have been surprising if she was younger, something that would have fit the very light blue colour of her energy, almost sky-blue. Her name fit her personality very well, probably the only reason for remembering it.

_ Just another human in your current pretense that will disappear just like everyone else. Eventually. _

Once he was done with the preparation Hyungwon thanked the human girl in Thai and moved through the dark hallway towards the heavy bass of the music. No one was performing yet but the music was loud enough to make conversation superfluous. Almost none of the employees spoke English and the louder the music was, the easier was it to entertain with smiles and bodies only.

It was perfect, really.

There was another harsh remark as he got into position, waiting for the familiar music that he had prepared to start and allow him to step onto the stage.

He began light, each step soundless as he tiptoed over the thin wood illuminated with bright tones of red and purple. He couldn’t see the crowd, for that the light was too bright but he didn’t need to. Instead he focused on each movement that he prepared, turning smoothly and moving to the ground as he performed a few body waves, crawling over to the pole that stood in the middle of the stage.

Each motion was the accompaniment to a beat, adding roughness and sensuality where appropriate. He couldn’t help the smile that pulled at the corners of his plump lips at the energy he felt filling the room, a byproduct of the attention that was directed at him, feeding the bead without the need to rip it from a human’s lips.

His fingers curled around the bottom of the poll, still lying on the ground and one leg bent as he pulled himself closer with the strength of his arm. He rose along the cold metal, enjoying the way it felt against his hot skin and used it to curl his body around the pole, with his grip as the turning point.

The music sped up and so did his movements- He jumped up and twirled around the poll with the strength of his arms only until he sank down and began undressing, letting piece after piece fall on the wooden boards while the energy levels continued increasing. The gasps weren’t even necessary to know that the attention was his.

A sudden spark of strength that appeared painfully familiar, sweet even, was added into the various shades of blue that surrounded him. But it couldn’t have been the case, an illusion of his mind, tricked by the amount of life force.

_ There aren’t that many different types. Humans are similar even if they like to believe that they are unique. _

The sweetness had almost broken off his rhythm but Hyungwon caught himself, curling his legs around the poll with strength and pulled himself to the top. Once he had reached as far as possible he let go with his hands, allowing his legs to carry all of the weight as he dropped down, catching himself just in time. The reaction was perfect, only feeding him further and spreading pleasant warmth through his chest, heart beating faster than the beat.

The lights turned off followed by the roar of mostly men and only the few women present in the audience.

The darkness was more pleasant than the light but Hyungwon didn’t have much time to enjoy it, quickly seperating from the cold metal and collecting his articles of clothing as he disappeared from the stage. The chains created a soft sound each time he moved, taking away the silence of his movements.

The back room was crowded again, one human ladyboy turning around quickly to let Hyungwon fix her bra. He did, focusing on his clothes that lay in one of the corners, waiting for him to change back. He never served any of the patrons with drinks at night and didn't plan on staying much longer. There was no point in doing so.

“Alex, someone requested you,” a familiar high-pitched voice sounded behind him as a small hand curled around his shoulder and the tiny woman turned him around, eyebrows pulled together. “It’s a private dance, so get ready and wear something different.”

Hyungwon nodded quickly, rolling his eyes to express his dissatisfaction at additional work just like everyone else did in this line of work. He hadn’t met even one girl or boy that had enjoyed their nightlife. Most of them were trying to get by with the help of an additional job and getting fingered in front of the club by an elderly man wasn’t on top of the list for most of them. 

_ Good that there is no reason to care for you. None of those people could hurt you unless they find out what you are. _

_ Which they won’t. _

The small woman cursed before disappearing through the improvised door, just a mat that was hung on the top to provide a little bit of privacy that none of the girls needed nor expected. Hyungwon didn’t care either way, accepting the circumstances the way they were and the fact that his new life was a little different from what he usually did.

_ But you had to be careful. You musn’t be found. _

Licking over his lips quickly he allowed an unfamiliar human to dress him, drawing a few patterns on his skin at his sides and shoulders, creating the illusion of something covering him although there wasn’t much apart from underwear. Private dances weren’t meant for undressing, they were meant for being close.

A small stroke of lipstick and removal of the eyeshadow followed, just a quick smudging with a cotton pad to get rid of the excess colour.

The energy he had received made the illusion of his human form and its stability only easier, strength basically soaring through his veins. Not enough time had passed to refuse requests but Hyungwon had the possibility to empty the human that requested him after dancing, a trade he was willing to accept.

Stopping in front of one of the private rooms he fixed a few of the chains and increased the strength with which he lured, just enough to keep interest and attention without forcing the human to jump into their own death by kissing his lips instantly.

Once he opened the door his eyes fell on the broad figure, sitting with his back to the door and looking into his smartphone. The room stank like someone had emptied a bottle of cheap perfume on the floor, simply disgusting. A glance at the client revealed that the muscular man was wearing all black, just like the colour of his hair. Only the energy was a bright shimmering blue. 

_ It's similar, almost the same.  _

Hyungwon stopped the influx of air into his lungs automatically at the burning smell but resumed again to not ruin his pretence. He wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again.

Walking into the room, each step supported by a soft sound of chains, Hyungwon closed the door behind himself, movements slow and sensual as he took particular care to not bend his joints too roughly. 

The man didn't turn around although he must've heard him, keeping his gaze on the phone display.

_ Doesn’t he react to the luring? _

Hyungwon frowned, surprised at the lack of attention, especially for someone who had purposefully requested a private lap dance after seeing his show. Biting down on his lip he increased the strength, watching the way the blue colour disappeared from his chest and faded into the air, slipping towards the client with the broad shoulders. The black-haired man didn’t really appear like a tourist with the way he was dressed.

“I thought you requested me, Sir,” Hyungwon commented in Thai and waited for a response.

The reaction was immediate. The clients upper body turned around and the dark eyes focused on his in an instant.

“Found you,” the low voice whispered as painfully familiar lips curled up in a smile.

_ The energy isn't similar, it's the same.  _

A sudden burn, one he had almost believed to be gone spread through his chest, immune to the cold air that surrounded him in the shabby room, sensation coursing along his veins and only strengthening the realization further. Eyes widening he curled his long fingers into fists, forsaking the smoothness of his motions for the single thought that penetrated every other, almost echoing inside his mind.

_ Hoseok. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 1st of July at 2 AM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You don't even know what pain is, you pretentious asshole."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

The days seemed like sand flowing through the glass, leaving no trace, just the amount reminding him of the fact that time passed. It was crazy how the intensity of one second was able to overshadow whole weeks of nothingness. A second he had spent with Hyungwon.   
  
_ He’s gone. He left. _ __  
__  
The realization crept up his limbs every time he visited his best friend, who was getting treated at the university hospital. Changkyun had been wondering how his hair had gotten this long and since when he had been able to go to work, not remembering anything from the past three months. It had been a blessing that at least Hoseok himself remembered that the pink-haired being existed.   
  
_ And a curse, because you’re the only one who does. _ __  
__  
It felt like a dream he had attempted to wake up from, but never did, reality just reminding him of the fact that nothing would ever be the same for him.   
  
_ Maybe he was right, Hoseok. Maybe he should’ve taken all your memories. _ __  
__  
He couldn’t lie around and be anhedonic while his best friend needed his help, but he very much felt like it. He just wanted to lie down and fade into nothingness. Everything had felt like strain, going up the stairs, taking off his clothes, showering and lying down on his bed.   
  
__ You should’ve just given Hyungwon your energy back then. All of it. Like that you would’ve been able to exist inside him. 

_ At least that. _ __  
__  
Hoseok didn’t even know whether it was true, but he still wished the other man had taken everything he had and left. Because there was no stopping the way he felt. 

Death was the only stop button.  
_   
  
Death was the stop button he was not willing to push. Looking at the calendar, Hoseok counted the days. Forty nine. Almost fifty without him. It had seemed like counting days after someone died, which had been ridiculous considering the fact that Hyungwon lived forever.   
  
_ He's living forever somewhere where you are not. _ __  
__  
He had spent countless nights and days thinking about the reasons, but it was in vain. The other man wasn’t human, there was no way Hoseok would’ve known why the pink-haired being left him. Why he didn't consider saying goodbye or at least giving him a possibility to say something.

_ To make him stay. _   
  
Walking towards his desk he sat down on the comfortable chair and opened the familiar drawer. The book in his hand felt heavy, just like the memories inside, ink that held meaning and that the pink-haired man probably examined before returning it to him.   
  
_ ‘Life is funny, isn’t it? _ __  
__  
_ It’s always a give and take. It takes and then it gives back again. You think it’s over, but then it just rips everything you gained out of your hand, laughing at you and your pathetic existence, mocking you for thinking that you had any kind of choice in this, as if you were the one to decide. The one who could have changed the outcome. _ __  
__  
_ Bullshit. _ __  
__  
_ But then...there’s no war without fighting. _ __  
__  
_ Watch me.’ _ __  
__  
Packing the notebook back into the drawer, he turned his laptop on.   
  
_ Use your head, Hoseok. You’re good at this. Be happy that you’re not living 500 years ago. _ __  
__  
He opened the search engine and tried to find matching results to Hyungwon’s hair colour and the way his eyes looked. Of course it had been crazy considering the fact that the other man might have had dyed his hair and changed his appearance to not be found.   
  
__ But maybe...maybe he does want to be found, Hoseok.

_   
  
Days passed again and he worked, thinking about going home and searching the whole internet if necessary, everything to find him.   
  
_ You need to find him. _ __  
__  
The search outcome was mostly bullshit, pink cats, people with contact lenses, halloween costumes and other irrelevant things, before his eyes settled on a blog from a tourist who had visited Bangkok and had written a whole entry about a pink-haired stripper with cat like eyes. There was no picture attached, nothing similar, but the description simply fit.   
  
_ It seems like him. _ __  
__  
Hoseok was crazy, Hyungwon had been absolutely right with his estimation. Telling his boss that he needed at least three months holiday and bullshitting Changkyun that he intended on doing a backpack adventure through Asia as a part of his post-cancer rehabilitation, he packed his luggage in a matter of two hours and left for the airport.   
  
__ You need to find him.

_

Bangkok was a beautiful city, so different from Munich, but he didn't have time to enjoy the tasty Thai food or to do sightseeing. He was stubborn but he sure as fuck wasn't dumb. It would've been a stupid decision to face the beautiful pink-haired being unprepared.

_ You have to get ready for this. You have no idea what he'll do. _ __  
__  
He had been working hard for the D-day, running, lifting weights and eating healthy to gain more energy, weeks passing while he came closer to the shady club every day, knowing that Hyungwon must’ve been somewhere there.   
  
_ You need to be strong in case you have to fight him. _ __  
__  
He waited for the day the club was especially full, a Friday night. When it finally came he joined the crowd that mostly consisted of males and waited for the special performance while keeping his spot at the exit, in case the other man was able to smell him.   
  
_ Isn’t it like the bunny hunting the fox? _ __  
__  
It may have been, but everything became painfully irrelevant as soon as the tall man stepped onto the stage, wearing something incredibly tight, chains bouncing with every movement. Hyungwon's bony feet stepped over the surface without making any sound, sure it was super loud and he couldn't have heard the sounds anyway, but he simply knew that there were none.   
  
_ It’s him. Fuck, it’s him, Hoseok. _ __  
__  
The minutes turned into seconds as he watched Hyungwon move to the heavy beat, body balancing on the pole smoothly as the other man was showing his flexibility to the screaming mass of people. The longing to close the distance to be able to see better was almost painful. He concentrated on the beautiful face and saw how the smooth movements suddenly jerked a little.   
  
_ Be careful. He might leave if he feels you in the crowd. _ __  
__  
Hoseok tried hard to remain indifferent, to remain silent and composed. It was hard. 

He went over to a very young looking girl, asking in his shitty Thai whether he could have a private dance by the performer, placing a package of bills into the small hand. Thankfully the pretty girl nodded and ran off, gesturing for him to go after her. After walking through some run down hallways with dirty, red walls, they finally arrived in a shabby room, covered in bamboo mats and smelling like a bad perfume store.   
  
__ Maybe he won’t smell you. Just hope that he can’t so you can grab him.  
  
Hoseok sat down on the small chair and turned his back towards the entrance, waiting until his heartbeat had almost reached 130 bpm from the prominent nervousness.   
  
_ You’re equal now. _ __  
__  
Distracting himself, he pulled out his phone and picked Hyungwon’s picture from the gallery, staring at it even after he had heard someone walk into the room. It must've been only a couple of seconds but his insides started burning in a painfully familiar way.   
  
_ It’s him. He’s trying to lure you. _ __  
__  
He resisted, trying to take the burn and not turn around. It got hotter and his lungs were barely able to suck in oxygen, but it didn’t matter. He came for Hyungwon and he would not leave until he had him.   
  
__ You’re stubborn, Hoseok. Don’t forget what kind of person you are. You’re not afraid of death or pain.

_ Or him. _ __  
__  
The low voice commented something in Thai and the intonation sounded so painfully familiar. He sucked in a breath and turned around focusing his gaze on the mesmerizingly beautiful amber-coloured, slightly shimmering eyes with the oval pupils that were staring at him in disbelief, longing getting weaker with each passing second, enabling him to breathe and to finally say something.   
  
“Found you,” he whispered and tilted his head.

Hyungwon appeared in shock, eyes wide and pupils pulling into thin lines from the change of light. Long fingers curled into fists at the other man's half naked body as the seconds ticked by, shock remaining. 

“But how?” Hyungwon whispered eventually, white teeth settling down on the plump lower lip as the pink-haired being moved one step back, only the chains around his whole body betraying the sound.

_ You've waited for this, don't let him escape. _

Hoseok jumped up and moved as fast as he could while using the other man's shocked state to grab both wrists and pin his thin body against the wall.

_ He'll just kill you. _

He had been aware of the possible consequences and leaned in, exhaling against the beautiful red lips.

_ He said he doesn't want to be the reason for your death. Just hope that it's still true. _

“I found you the first time and I'll find you the next time. You have something that belongs to me and something that I want. It might, or might not be the same thing.” He couldn't help biting down on his own lower lip from the familiar scent that had entered his nostrils, from the feeling of Hyungwon's hot skin he was touching and the racing heartbeat, pulsating through the veins in the other man's wrists.

“I have already returned what belongs to you,” the pink-haired man hissed. The light brown gaze was hostile but Hyungwon didn't try try to free himself from the grip although he could have. “And if there is something you want you have to pay for it. That's how desires work here.”

_ Shit, Hoseok, you can't let him go. _

“You took something you weren't supposed to take. You left without any warning, leaving me behind as if I wasn't worth your goodbyes. You want me to pay? I paid enough, believe me,” he hissed back and came closer such that Hyungwon would smell all of his scent the other man had liked so much.   


The reaction was obvious with how tense the slim body became, hands curling into tight fists under Hoseok’s rough grip.

“You said it was for me so I took it. If you paid enough then why are you here? There is nothing to gain from me without paying for it, be it with money or your life.” The resistance increased a little as Hyungwon stopped breathing, chest remaining still while the light brown eyes didn't let go of his.

“Why don't you breathe? Can't take my scent anymore? I'm not here to gain anything, I'm here for you, Hyungwon. You told me you don't want to be the reason for my death so fucking behave like it.” Hoseok had a lot of energy but he knew that the other man would've been able to push him away if he had wanted to.

_ He won't give in like this, you have to change your strategy. _

“Why did you try to leave? I paid a shit load of money for my desire to see a private dance of yours.” He grinned into Hyungwon's incredibly beautiful face and licked over his lips.

There was a twitch in the attractive features, lower lip trembling for a second before the light brown eyes widened

“One always gets what one has paid for in this bar,” Hyungwon murmured. It sounded like a sentence he had learned by heart, one that he applied whenever appropriate without believing it himself. 

The resistance disappeared completely as the pink-haired man allowed his hands to rest limply in Hoseok’s grip.

_ Just take it for a starter and be happy he didn't kill you. _

He loosened his grip on the thin wrists and uncurled his fingers before stepping back a little.

“Should I sit down?”

There was a nod as Hyungwon glanced at his own wrists quickly, rearranging a few of the chains to cover his underarms in a more regular fashion.

“You still don't know what's good for you,” the pink-haired being commented as he walked over to an old recorder, turning it on and picking a CD for the music he was going to dance to. “Humans always need such an impossibly long time to learn. You should have used it instead of looking for me.”

_ Asshole. _

He couldn't believe that Hyungwon had the audacity to teach him about anything after leaving him in the most cowardly way possible while ripping his fucking heart open.

“Shut up and dance for me,” he hissed and felt how pain appeared inside his chest.

_ He thinks you're stupid for finding him. He's the one who didn't learn anything from it. _

Hyungwon replied something in Thai that he didn't understand and smiled. Hoseok knew that it must've been a curse. Hyungwon's long index finger pressed the button on the recorder before sensual music filled his ears. It was heavy enough with a strong beat but still allowed smooth movements. 

The pink-haired being plastered a smirk on his face, inviting and obviously practised. It wasn't quite the way Hoseok remembered the other man acting and expressing his emotions. 

Fitting to the music Hyungwon moved towards him, steps silent and elegant, accompanying the soft tones that sounded from the recorder. Long fingers settled on Hoseok’s shoulders as the slim body rolled into him, long legs bending and slowly sinking down. The touch was light, not the main purpose of the dance with how the body contact stayed minimal.

“You move well, but then you can do everything well so it's not special in any way,” Hoseok commented, gaze focused on the lean body in front of him. His hands were resting on his thighs and he intended to keep them there.

The other man didn't reply, merely making his way back up as he let his hot hands brush along Hoseok’s chest. There was so much golden skin on display, only emphasized further by the metal that covered the beautiful being’s body. Hyungwon turned around, showing his lean back and reached behind himself, hands resting on Hoseok’s shoulders, as he rolled his body again, movements sensual and barely brushing him. It was like he gave a tiny taste without giving in.

_ He's so fucking hot, Hoseok. Did you forget who you were dealing with? _

The slim thighs brushed over his knees in the process, eyes jumping from one inch of naked skin to the next. As the music picked up Hyungwon turned back around gracefully and stepped forward, keeping Hoseok’s thighs between his legs without sitting down. Exhaling against his lips the pink-haired being continued dancing, touches close but never quite there. 

Each motion must have been perfectly planned and calculated, one sway of the hips leading to an elegant curl of the wrist followed by a roll of the whole body. It was beyond mesmerizing.

_ He's mesmerizing. _

Hoseok wanted to reach out, to grab the slim hips and pull Hyungwon's lean body on his lap, to ravish the delicious, golden skin with his lips and teeth, feeling how their energy flow increased with the touches, but he didn't. Instead he simply dug his fingers into his muscular thighs that seemed even more built than usual, from the weeks of extreme sports. He put on a smirk and watched the stunning performance, acting as if he didn't give a fuck.

There was the sensation of heat on his skin as Hyungwon placed a single strand of hair away from his eyes, licking over his lips right after and adding something inherently sexual to his gaze. 

The music was slowing down again, fitting to the way the beautiful man lowered himself down on his lap slowly, fire burning along his thighs and hands from the temperature difference and the contact with the golden skin. 

The music stopped, just in time to reveal a harsh intake of breath stemming from the plump lips of the man on top of him. Hyungwon reached out with his right hand, letting his human nails scratch along Hoseok’s jaw as he exhaled against his lips and stood up, breaking the contact as suddenly as it had appeared. 

“I hope you enjoyed the private dance,” the barely dressed man remarked. Again it sounded like a practised sentence, one that the other simply translated and followed up with a smirk.

“Pretentious asshole,” Hoseok whispered back and stood up. He leaned in closer and focused his gaze on the light brown eyes. “If you think that I'll leave you alone, forget it. Watch me, you arrogant Gumiho,” he hissed and leaned back, putting on a nice smile. “It was a very nice dance, you should've given your best though. Next time then.”

There was again a twitch in the beautiful face, pupils rearranging as if they were sensitive to emotional changes.

“Next time?” Hyungwon asked, voice soaked with disbelief.

_ He doesn't know how persistent you can be. _

“Yes, next time. But you should do better then.” Hoseok grinned and leaned in quickly, kissing the plump mouth very much like the second time they'd met in the burger restaurant. “I'm not going to leave you alone, Hyungwon.”    
_  
_ Something in the attractive face changed as a bit of the illusion crumbled, ice-blue colour transcending into the brown eyes like black ink into water.

_ Here he is. _

“You're mental,” the low voice whispered, hands curling into fists at his sides. “You can't just switch your life like that. You're human. You will have to leave eventually and return to what you know. This is not a place for someone like you.”

“That's what you think, fucking watch me,” he spat waiting for a couple of seconds while he focused on the mesmerizing ice-blue colour of Hyungwon's left eye.

Hoseok leaned back and smiled again lifting the bamboo mat with one hand to slip past it. 

“I like your eyes, your dance could've been better though.” _  
_

“Get a different dancer then. One that can give you what you want,” the pink-haired being called after him, voice echoing off the shabby walls of the adult bar.

_ But you don't want a different dancer. You want him. _

_  
  


He needed almost two weeks to finally find a cheap but nice apartment in Sukhumvit. There were a lot of pretty bars and it had a nice nightlife. More importantly it wasn't far from the international hospital where he found a job. Sure, not as a cardiovascular surgeon with the amazing reputation he had enjoyed in Germany, but it was still fun working in the emergency room and stitching cuts. Anything was better than not doing anything at all.

_ Changkyun would kill you if he knew that you are working to get money to see a lap dance performed by a mythical creature. _

_ This is sick. _

It was sick, but it didn't matter to him at all. Hyungwon was right, he was mental. The other man just didn't know how far he was able to go if he really wanted something.

_ Shove it into his face. _

Hoseok loved him. He loved him so much. Meeting the beautiful pink-haired man up close fuelled every single emotion he had felt during the past two or three months, their proximity only returning the feelings with increased intensity and force.

_ You finally found him. _

_ Now you just need to get him back. _

He remembered the hostility in the brown- yellowish eyes and shivered. Hyungwon didn't want to see him. He had probably wanted to live his life as a new person, far away from him and from anything that reminded him of his past life in Germany.

_ His new name is Alex. _

But Hoseok wouldn’t be true to himself if he’d given up only because of some hostile glance from an annoyed Gumiho.

_ Never. Giving up is not in your blood. _

_ _ _

After treating patients in the emergency room for almost fourteen hours, Hoseok pulled a tight black t-shirt and black ripped jeans over his body, preparing to see the beautiful pink-haired man again.

_ It's not good that you're tired though. _

Hoseok knew that he would continue to be tired with his new job so he still went, mingling into the crowd and sitting down on a barstool with a side view of the stage.

The show had not been of any interest to him until he saw Hyungwon's long, naked legs and turned around immediately, gaze focused on the mesmerizing being. The other man was again wearing something ridiculously tight around his hips in addition to a black leather harness with a choker that was hugging the lean torso in a very seductive way.

The heavy bass buzzed through the speakers at the side as Hyungwon turned fluently, arms spread out like a butterfly and adding a twist to the motion of his wrists. Sinking to the ground the beautiful man pulled his light body over the wooden stage, legs lifted up a little. It was fascinating how the pink-haired man managed to roll to the front slowly, spreading his legs and landing on his knees. 

A grin remained on the plump lips as the mesmerizing dancer allowed a man at the front to pull at his choker, stroking over the other’s face in response before performing a quick turn and curling his fingers around the metal pole in the middle. Hyungwon circled it with one leg, holding his weight by flexing the muscles of his thighs and allowing his body to lean back, showing the golden skin of his chest. There was a loud gasp next to Hoseok and a few men screaming something in Thai.

Hoseok wanted to choke them all, just like he wanted to jump up the stage and catch Hyungwon's addicting lips, lick into the more than delicious mouth and roam his hands over the hot golden skin. He still remembered what it felt like. He remembered everything.

He couldn't do anything so he simply stared, incredibly concentrated on Hyungwon's face and eyes although the other man had tried everything to distract with his stunning body movements.

His focus must have done something as he was met with a rough movement of the pink head and the sight of bright brown eyes that stared at him, widening a little although the beautiful man continued dancing and twirling around the pole. There was no way that Hyungwon was looking at anybody but him, gaze remaining despite the way the long legs did the splits perfectly.

_ Hi there. _

Hoseok leaned forward a little, eyes not leaving the brown ones for even a second. It felt intense, very much like the time at the bar where they both had been staring at each other for almost ten minutes. The surroundings faded out, just like the screams and cheers of the men next to him. It was just the music and Hyungwon's dangerous gaze remaining in his perception.

The beat picked up and the contact was interrupted by the way Hyungwon climbed up the poll and let himself drop, only holding on with the strength of his thighs. Once the equally slim and naked feet were back on the ground, the pink-haired man turned and slid down along the poll, swaying his hips in the process. It took only a few seconds for the large eyes to find his again, watching him through each sexually loaded action.

_ He knows exactly what he does. Is he trying to mock you? _

Hyungwon could have mocked him as much as he wanted, it didn't matter to him at all. Hoseok watched him intently, remembering what it felt like when the other man's lean thighs straddled his lap, what his low groans sounded like and how the beautiful man had given him energy because he didn't have enough.

_ He must still be infatuated. But even if not. _

_ You still want him. _

The smirk on the full lips widened as the song moved towards its end. Hyungwon turned beautifully and sank to the ground as a final, close enough to the stage to allow the man close to it to throw bills at him, partially placing them under the choker or the remaining fabric. 

Dancing must have been giving the ethereal being something beyond money, something that was valuable enough to make him appear absolutely at peace.

_ Now it's your turn. _

Hoseok walked over to the young woman at the side and handed her the money they had previously agreed on. She smiled at the amount and pulled him through the dirty hallways into the same room he had been in before. He sat down on the small wooden chair and spread his legs for comfort while his hands were resting on top of his thighs.

_ Relax, there's no point in panicking. _

Time passed, just like the last time. After what might have been ten to fifteen minutes the bamboo mat was lifted, revealing Hyungwon in the same attire he had worn for the dance performance, just without as much make-up. There was only a hint of red on the pretty lips and no colour apart from that. 

“A dance again, Sir?” Hyungwon asked in Thai, but it was short and simple enough for Hoseok to understand. The other must have attempted to put distance between them through speaking another language.

“What else? Do you think I'd pay you for talking?” Hoseok answered and spread his legs further while lifting an eyebrow. “I have a job and an apartment so I thought it would be nice to celebrate both by watching your pretty little dance.”  
_  
_ It was fascinating how the nice smile that Hyungwon had plastered on his face disappeared into nothing. 

“You're fucking crazy,” the other man spat and groaned as he moved towards the recorder, fumbling with a few CDs. “Why would you not only follow me here but also wish to stay? I'm a seventeen-year-old stripper here, Hoseok. What do you even want with me?”

_ Him. You want him. _   


“I don't care about your con artist business, Hyungwon. I told you what I want and I'm not going anywhere until I get it. And I'm going to get it. Come here.” He spoke calmly, low voice sounding composed and monotone, although he had been feeling like a volcano that was just about to erupt.

Hyungwon’s slim back tensed as Hoseok spoke, finally picking a CD and putting it into the recorder.

“As you wish, Sir,” he commented, again in Thai, as the music began. It was a little slower than last time and allowed Hyungwon to waste quite a few seconds with careful steps towards him until the beautiful man finally raked through his pink hair and rolled his body into him. Hoseok simply grinned, remembering Hyungwon hating him for not reacting to his beckoning. There must've been something to make the ethereal being crack.

_ You'll die like this, Hoseok, it's pure torture. _   
  
He leaned back, placed his hands behind his head and licked over his lips slowly, tongue tracing the outline before adding moisture.

It was enough to get Hyungwon's attention as the pretty eyes slid to his lips before returning to his eyes. It was attractive to watch, the way the slim thighs rubbed over his knees and thighs, how the pretty hips moved to the rhythm and how the pink-haired being was able to combine all motions into one dance.

“You shouldn't have come,” the low voice whispered against his lips as long fingers brushed over his black hair and pulled a little. He could feel hot lips against his for a few seconds before the sensation disappeared and the other man turned around.

_ Bullshit. _

Settling on top of his lap Hyungwon spread his legs and curled an arm around his neck from behind, using the hold to roll his body against him, butt smoothly sliding over his crotch before disappearing. Repeatedly.

_ He wants you to get desperate? He probably doesn't know that you already are. _

Hoseok exhaled as steadily as possible, using his remaining resources to swallow down and keep his hands pressed flat against the chair he was sitting on.

“Too bad you're only good at repeating ridiculous threats,” he whispered into the small ear that jerked a little.

Hyungwon contracted his muscles at that, removing himself from Hoseok’s lap as if burned and stroking over his face instead as he rolled his body into him, fitting to the rhythm of the music and remaining sensual. Although the other man tried to keep a smile on his face the eyebrows pulled together, and Hoseok could see a small colour switch in the left eye. 

Hyungwon was getting angry.

_ Good. _

“Did the bunny upset the fox?” Hoseok asked with a grin and stared into the mesmerizing eyes.

The bright orbs only narrowed further although Hyungwon continued dancing as if nothing happened. 

“The bunny just forgot what it means to provoke the fox,” the pink-haired man replied calmly, but the previous crack in his human form had already revealed his emotions.

Hoseok simply laughed at the other man's comment while holding onto the chair.

“Bullshit. It's the fox that seems to have a problem with memory, I guess it comes from being a con artist, you probably can't differentiate what's real and what's bullshit anymore,” he commented and observed Hyungwon's facial expression further.

The beautiful being slid over his lap again, not showing his face and brushing over Hoseok's groin as he moved to the music. 

“There is a reason for foxes being tricksters in legends. The best way to not get confused in your role is to become it. I abandoned everything else, Hoseok and that's what makes me become my new persona.” Hyungwon spoke without turning around, moving to the climax of the song and speeding up, his motions only increasing in their arousing nature. “You're searching for something that isn't there anymore.”

“You have no idea what I'm searching for. Don't act almighty, you honestly have no fucking idea. Look at yourself, you took my notebook but you didn't even read a word. I can basically see it, why take it in the first place if you choose to remain ignorant and unbothered?” Hoseok ignored the sexual movements as his body was already burning up from all the anger he felt.   


The music finally stopped and so did the motions as Hyungwon got up and finally turned around to look at him. 

“Because I don't want to regret and as long as you are still alive I might regret it when I read that book.” The eyes remained bright brown but the hands curled into fists, strong enough to break the skin if the other man's nails had been sharper. “And now leave.”

He stood up from the chair and brushed invisible dirt from his jeans, trying hard to appear as unbothered as possible. Walking over to Hyungwon he used the moment and his muscular body to pin the other man into the wall that was covered in bamboo mats. He kissed the other man's red lips, licking over the bottom one before leaning back a little.

“Regret because of the book? I'll make you regret that I'm still alive, Hyungwon,” he hissed against the other man's burning mouth and stepped back.

The switch was fast as Hyungwon pounced on him, ice blue colour spreading through the left eye and sharp claws sinking into his shoulders as his body hit the ground. 

“You staying alive is the only reason I left, you fucking idiot,” the ethereal being growled, grip only tightening and sending pain through his system. “So return to where you belong and stop endangering yourself.”   


_ You got him. _

It hurt. It really hurt a lot and he caught himself at the thought that he must've really forgotten what the sharp claws had felt like ripping through his skin, without any other pleasant sensation to overshadow it. 

He curled his arms around the slim body that was hovering over him and licked over his lips slowly.

“Me staying alive is the only reason I'm here, you idiot. I belong here.”

Hyungwon appeared shocked at the sudden affection, claws retracting a little and adding the burning sensation of an open wound. 

“You belong in Germany, where your social circle is, surrounded by people of your kind and with an equal life span. What do you want with someone like me, Hoseok?” The anger moved to the back as a different emotion soaked the other man's words. “You'll just get killed for nothing.”

“Where I belong is not for you to decide. You want to kill me? Do it then, if it'll make you feel better about your cowardness, although I highly doubt that it will. You're just a coward,” he whispered as his eyes got wet from the pain perception that was blurring his senses.

The claws completely retracted from his shoulders as Hyungwon put distance between them, eyes widening a little at the sight of blood soaking Hoseok’s t-shirt.

“I’ve just lived long enough to know what I'm dealing with while you are still making baby steps, believing that whatever it is that you feel for me is worth the pain. Nothing is worth pain, especially not when it has finally arrived. It hurts, doesn't it? Was provoking me worth it? Was this what you fucking wanted? For me to hurt you again? Don't fucking do this to me, Hoseok.” 

The outburst was unexpected, rough and supported by the low voice breaking a little as Hyungwon sank to the ground, sound of his knees hitting the cold floor echoing in the small room. 

Hoseok stood up as fast as he could, pain shooting through his limbs and supported by the feeling of blood soaking through the fabric of his shirt.

“Do you see that I'm bleeding? I'm bleeding but I still love you. Pain? You don't even know what pain is, you pretentious asshole,” he whispered and stumbled out, trying to get out of the club as soon as possible as the wounds seemed pretty deep.

It was raining heavily and he was thankful for the water that had soaked his clothes in addition to the blood. His hands were coloured in a dark red from holding against the wounds in a ridiculous attempt to stop the bleeding.

_ It won't stop, you idiot. You need to get them stitched and covered with a pressure bandage. _

He took one of the less shady looking cabs and told the driver his address. Arriving at his place after fifteen minutes that he spent furiously applying pressure to the wounds on his shoulders, Hoseok stumbled up the stairs and opened the door of his new apartment.

Unfortunately it must've been a little too much as his legs gave out and he fell down on the old wooden floor.

_ You don't even have anyone here, Hoseok. You can't be acting weak right now. How do you even have time to lie around on the floor like this? Get the fucking bandage. _

Crawling towards the kitchen he had wanted to pull himself up but groaned as his shoulder muscles tensed, sending almost overwhelming pain through his body. After a couple of deep breaths and ignoring the white stars surrounding his vision he kneeled and stood up, finally reaching for the prepared material.

_ Good that you knew that it would happen sooner or later. _

Tying the bandage around his shoulder, he felt how his vision blurred further as his hands managed to finish before it turned black.  
  


***  
  


His legs started to feel cold. The almost ice-like floor was penetrating through the naked skin and chilling him to the bone. He shouldn't have been freezing with the almost tropical temperatures outside but the cold appeared to have more sources than one. 

_ You need time to let go. Time that he isn't giving you. _

Hoseok had found him, found him among all the possible cities and places he could have gone and all the professions he could have chosen. The black-haired man had found him in one of the most populated but difficult to find adult mixed gender clubs in Bangkok and had been willing to pay a tremendous amount of money just to see him. 

_ Why can't he let go? _

Hyungwon had been so convinced that it would be easy for a human. As soon as the object of desire wasn't present the feelings disappeared almost on their own, especially if time aided the process. He himself hadn't been able to achieve it, but for a human that considered a few months a long time it must have been so fucking simple. 

_ Instead he comes and does the exact thing you have tried to avoid.  _

A shudder passed through his body, eyes moving over the dirty floor until he stopped at the few drops of blood that Hoseok had left behind, almost black and difficult to differentiate from the dark colour of the ground itself. 

_ If there wouldn't be the scent. _

It was almost drowning him, reminding him of the way Hoseok had been unconscious as he fixed the damage he had done, stitching the open wounds and giving the black-haired man energy to aid his healing. 

_ Shit. _

His eyes widened at the sight of another drop closer to the exit, scent staying in his nose and continuing the mental image of Hoseok running through Bangkok with pierced shoulders whilst losing blood. 

_ He might die. He might fucking die and it would be your fault. _

His feet moved all on their own, running past the bamboo mat that marked the entrance and ripping it down in his carelessness. He didn't bother changing apart from throwing a proper pair of pants and a t-shirt over his body so as to avoid unwanted attention from the amount of skin he was showing. It was forbidden to be recognizable in public.

He didn't bother to say goodbye to the other workers, he never did. 

_ You have let enough people close. It's enough.  _

Inhaling sharply he turned to the right, running along the street and pushing drunk and barely aware men to the side and ignoring offers from the ladies at the various bars. It was necessary to use more and more energy to find the other man as time passed and the blood became less recognizable. 

_ Luckily you have overflowing amounts of it.  _

He spread out the bright blue light, closing his eyes as he ran and focusing on the particular shade of bright blue that he was looking for, one that faded into the air bit by bit. The warm sensation of relief filled him when he finally found Hoseok, sitting in a taxi as energy continued to seep into the air and abandon him, just like his life force. 

_ What is he even doing? _

Hyungwon panicked and only ran faster, following the cab and not allowing himself to interfere. He wasn't in the position to do so.

_ You're just making sure that he's okay and then you're leaving no more, no less. _

His body continued burning unpleasantly as he sat on the ground, a few metres away from the tiny apartment that the other man must have been renting. His fingers tingled to act, to interfere.

_ You wanted distance, Hyungwon. You can't be changing your mind now. You mustn't. _

Hyungwon could feel his heartbeat hammering in his chest as he felt small sparks of bright blue disappearing into the air and fading into nothing, wasting away. 

_ He's dying. _

He could tell that Hoseok was acting, that he was doing something about it and trying to stop the bleeding, making the energy sparks more and more rare. 

_ He still loves you. Even if you do this to him.  _

Hyungwon didn't know why he thought of the other man's words now, now when he was sitting in front of his house and feeling how the blood pumped through his body with fear that the black-haired man would get hurt, would die from the wound he had inflicted upon him.

_ You need to stay away. Even if not for his sake then such that you are able to forget about this, about the connection, the cycle, the feelings. All of it. Lock it away. _

It was sudden, in one second the bright blue colour was still there, easily traceable if Hyungwon closed his eyes and in the next it disappeared, leaving blackness. Absolutely nothing.

_ No. _

Hyungwon panicked, jumping up and running around the corner as fast as he could, easily identifying where he had felt the other man's strength before. He ran up several flights of stairs, stopping in front of the door and kicking it open.

_ There. It's still there. _

He gasped at the reappearance of the blue colour. It was there, but weak, way below half and the consciousness threshold. His fingers shivered as he made his way through the small place, finding the beautiful human lying unconscious in the kitchen.

There were bandages tied around both of Hoseok's muscular shoulders, but the blood kept seeping through them. The other man's face was simply white, like a freshly painted wall, like a piece of bleached paper, just white. Hoseok's pale lips were slightly parted but the strength of exhales showed that it had been critical. He must've overreacted big time. 

_ You fucking idiot. What did you even want to prove? That you're dangerous? He should know that by now. _

He inhaled through his teeth and sank to the ground, immediately removing the blood-soaked bandages and taking a proper look at the wounds. They were deep but didn't affect anything major. Hyungwon glanced at the medical kit to see if there was anything proper to stitch up the wounds with. It took only a second to find a prepared needle with thread pulled through the loop in a small plastic package. 

_ Why does he have proper equipment? Did he expect this? _

Disinfecting his hands and holding his breath to not become dizzy at the scent, Hyungwon began closing up the wounds, making sure to prevent dirt from entering and making it as accurate as possible. 

_ Stitching him up won't be enough, it keeps fading. _

His heart was beating furiously in his chest as he examined the silhouette of the unconscious man in front of him. There was almost none of the usual thickness left, he couldn't be sure that Hoseok would survive the night.

_ He's dying, he's really dying this time. Why doesn't he understand that this is why you left? He would have been living the rest of his life peacefully without interruptions that weren't meant to be.  _

The unpleasant burning stayed no matter how much he scratched over his own palms or how many times he breathed in harshly. It wasn't enough at all.

The black-haired man remained lying on the ground, air barely entering the broad chest and skin a deadly pale colour. 

_ Just do it.  _

Hyungwon leaned in, allowing the bead to move further up his chest and towards his lips as he closed the distance and focused on the energy he possessed, allowing more than usual to leave his body and enter the other man's. It wasn't unpleasant at all but rather like a cool wave of water that brushed over his legs and retreated again, making him wish for its return. 

Once the border had almost reached the thickness it had when the black-haired man had asked him for a private dance Hyungwon let go, closing his eyes to get used to the heavy loss and the way the bead burned as it made its way back down. 

_ It's not meant to give, it's only meant to take. _

The moist lips had felt almost warm against his own, more similar to his own body as he watched the way the bright blue spread out, unable to control the smile that spread over his lips at the relief he felt.

Suddenly there was a fast movement next to him as a strong arm curled around his neck and pressed him down, cool lips clashing against his and wet tongue parting them.

He wasn't able to react fast enough as his body touched the slightly cooler, muscular one below him, eyes widening at the sudden action.

_ Why did he wake up? Is it because of the life force? _

Hyungwon couldn't help the dizziness at the sudden movement, not used to giving someone energy willingly and placed his palms flat on each side of Hoseok’s body, trying to separate the kiss without using too much inhuman strength.

Hoseok ignored him and licked into his mouth while giving back life force the other man had just received from him. It was simply sick.

“Wh-" Hyungwon tried to ask against the delicious mouth but gave up, giving in to the kiss instead and accepting the small sparks that returned to his chest, filling it out bit by bit. 

_ You can't allow him to give it back.  _

Resting more of his weight on his right palm, he met the kiss properly, parting his lips and licking into the other man's mouth in response, creating a cycle instead of the one-sided energy flow he had been receiving.

He shouldn't have. The familiar scent and feeling of closeness washed over him like a tsunami, pushing back all the sensations and desires he had wished, and desperately attempted, to forget. It was like the affection had returned with the simple touch of lips, with the meaningless feeling of cool skin against his, with the sweetness of berries and more. The other man kissed him and everything he had thought about the diary, not allowing himself to read it, turned into absolutely nothing. Meaningless attempts to forget. 

_ You can't let him, Hyungwon. You can't take a human's lifespan for yourself. _

Hoseok curled his arms around his waist, grip incredibly tight as if the other man was preparing to fight with him, which was ridiculous considering that he had deep wounds in his shoulders.

Hyungwon wanted to fight, he really did, knowing that the other man would get the wrong message, but he didn't. Instead he basked in the kiss, licked inside the cool mouth and explored the same sensations that had passed through his body before, accompanying each kiss.

_ You can't. Shit, you can't. _

He gasped and forced himself to separate from the curved lips, putting strength into his arms and breaking the strong grip around his waist. Harsh pants were leaving his mouth. They had nothing to do with his strength or the strain of freeing himself. 

_ It's emotional. You're being emotional. _

Hoseok was breathing heavily while his arms lay limp next to his sides, as if the other man had used up his energy to hold him in place while they were sharing the intense kiss.

“Why did you give it to me? Because I would have died otherwise? You kissed me back just now, Hyungwon, you were melting into me and you established the cycle, I know that you definitely want this as much as I do, you coward.” The words were clear but Hoseok spoke quietly, almost not moving from the spot on the wooden floor he was lying on.

“I,” Hyungwon began but didn't want to say anything wrong, anything that would have promised to give the other man something he wasn't ready to give. “I have to go.”

Inhaling the sweet scent of blood that stuck to his clothes as much as it did to the apartment, Hyungwon stood up quickly, vision blurring at the mass of perceptions and pressure to act, to do something that didn't betray his remaining infatuation any further.

_ Since when are you even capable of feelings for a human in the first place? _

He didn't know. He just knew that they were there and that he shouldn't have acted upon them. He shouldn't have reacted to the kiss, shouldn't have let Hoseok provoke him, shouldn't have developed feelings in the first place.

_ You shouldn't have agreed to let him draw you. _

“Of course you have to go. What does it feel like to be scared?” Hoseok whispered back at him.

_ It's absolutely terrifying. _

Almost blindly, he ran out of the apartment, ignoring the fact that he had broken the other man's door and that it was still far to his own home. He just ran, not using too much energy but focusing on his legs instead.

_ You want him, Hyungwon. Shit, you really want him.  _

_ But you're scared. _

_  
  


It was impossible to turn off his brain and relax, to stop thinking about possible consequences and how to avoid the feelings and affection the black-haired man had confronted him with.

Hyungwon was getting ready for work, pulling the blue jeans off his legs and replacing them with a poor excuse for pants that he was going to be taking off anyway. As a shirt he only wore a vest, easy to slip off his shoulders during the choreography he had prepared.

Even though he was supposed to be preoccupied with work and the performance that still lay before him he couldn’t help but waste energy, sensing his surroundings for a familiar blue aura before he stopped himself.

_ What will you do if you find him? Stop caring. _

He had to stay away. The other man had seen something he shouldn’t have, something that went much further than the revelation of Hyungwon’s identity. It was knowledge that rested much deeper than the simple definition of his being. It was about emotions.

_ He mustn't see that you care. You can’t, Hyungwon. He’s going to die eventually and you won’t. You can’t tie yourself to a mortal being like that. _

His fingers shivered as he tightened the black belt choker around his neck, fear returning like a new friend that had decided to stay for good. It was ridiculous how something as pathetic as a human emotion was able to rile him up like that, but he just couldn’t get rid of it, no matter what he did.

_ You need to keep him away from you, Hyungwon. You can’t compose yourself when he’s around you, so you have to make sure that he isn’t. _

As soon as he checked his outfit and brushed away the grease that his old sneakers had left on his knuckles he made his way through the narrow hallway in the direction of the owner’s office. 

She was a middle-aged ladyboy that had been running the club for long enough to not give a single shit about the people that worked there as long as they were pretty and made money. Luckily Hyungwon made money which made his identity and where the fuck he came from absolutely irrelevant.

Knocking on the door carefully he waited for the owner to allow him inside, usually signified by a simple grunt. Upon entry he could see a few large packages of condoms in addition to lube and various toys and pleasure-instruments, nothing he was too familiar with.

“I want to ask about something-” he began and was immediately interrupted as the woman turned towards him and shook her head.

“If you want more payments you can go right back to the changing room. I have girls beg everyday and just because you are a boy means absolutely nothing. Go and dance.”

_ Rude. _

“It’s not about payment,” Hyungwon remarked, hoping it would allow him the possibility to explain himself without getting unnecessarily angry. Dominance appeared to be a tricky thing in human culture and he sure as fuck had had enough of it.

“Then be quick.” There was something rough to the way the owner spoke Thai, like she wasn’t from Bangkok but one of the surrounding areas. It appeared to be a dialect that Hyungwon wasn’t familiar with.

_ Just say it and get it over with. You will have no negative consequences from this. _

“I would prefer not to see the man that has requested me for private dances the last two times.”

“And I would prefer to not be bombarded with ridiculous requests like these. Do you have any idea how much money he pays for this, Alex?” The words were followed by an eye roll as the middle-aged woman grabbed a box and threw it to the side, frowning at Hyungwon as she continued. “You can’t even count it in hundreds on those long fingers of yours, that’s how much it is. If you want to get out of this shithole someday you better take what you get instead of being a bratty kid that believes he can pick around here. Move your scrawny ass to the stage and dance.”

Hyungwon inhaled sharply as his fingers involuntarily dug into his palms, anger spiking up at an alarming rate as he wished to break the woman’s neck for speaking like that to him. But he couldn’t.

_ You’re a seventeen year old boy, Hyungwon. You are desperate and doing it for the money. You cannot act out even if you want to. _

Biting down on his lower lip painfully he nodded, walking out of the room until he was far enough to allow himself to punch a wall, knuckles splitting at the force but pulling right back together as small drops of blue light left his body. Such a waste.

A quick glance at the mirror in the backroom revealed smudged lipstick on his face so he asked one of the girls to fix it, recieving a frown and a middle finger in return as the older girls were about to see a client, all dolled up themselves.

_ You’re done with your model job for good, get used to this. _

Grabbing the small stick himself he carefully applied a few dots on the inside of his lips as he remembered his make-up artist doing, keeping the colour minimal opposed to what the other dancers usually did.

_ Your lips are red anyway. _

Making his way to the stage he couldn’t help the nervousness that moved up his chest, abilities constantly reaching out to identify the familiar sweetness in the crowd, to know if he was there. But the action itself would cost him energy with how filled the hall was with humans of various life force types and strengths. It would have been like looking for a needle in a haystack.

_ A needle that you know better than the back of your own hand. _

As the first notes of the song sounded Hyungwon wiped his brain blank from thoughts, and focused on the motions instead. The choreography was more rough this time, bigger movements with sudden twists of his hips and joints. Transitions were emphasized with quick turns and each piece of clothing left his body with a grand gesture, arms spreading out and legs spreading wide.

The bright blue that built a thick layer in front of the stage broke from its confinement, slipping into the air in bits and pieces as all the attention was focused on him, bodies reacting immediately and gifting him with the life force he desired.

_ You should thank him for that, Hyungwon. He taught you that it was possible. _

Inhaling deeply and enjoying the increasing warmth in his chest he continued his motions, slipping to the edge of the stage and allowing a few unfamiliar men at the front to caress his legs, smirk in place. It was fascinating how much life force humans were willing to give up just through the sexual fascination with another being. 

Licking over his lips Hyungwon swayed his hips in the rhythm of the song, making eye contact with a few people at the front that showed a brighter blue, one that he wished to take from them. The small sparks of colour lingered at his arms and shoulders before they were absorbed by the bead, giving him the strength he needed to maintain the human features the masses enjoyed so much.

Throwing his head back he let a gasp leave his lips for effect. Moving his head back up slowly he brushed over his own legs with his hands and looked straight ahead, only to meet a familiar pair of dark brown eyes, staring right at him.

_ You don’t need to search for him to find him. He finds you all on his own. _

The contact was sudden, energy perception immediately singling out the familiar sweetness and allowing him to recognize it to the fullest with all its strength and vibrant colour. Hoseok had recovered with the help of the energy Hyungwon had gifted him. It was still there, fueling the healing process and coursing through the other man’s blood.

_ You helped a human with the life force of others. _

The thought almost broke his routine, wrist stuttering in its smooth motion before he quickly corrected it, resuming the choreography. His eyes were unable to part from the other man’s no matter how many seconds ticked by.   
  
Hoseok had realized the effect he had on him, staring more persistently and leaning forward to see more. The changes in the other man’s facial expression differed depending on his movements. He looked serious and a little intimidating although Hyungwon had known that the bunny wasn’t able to hurt the fox. Or anybody for that matter with how much he valued human life.

He allowed his hands to slip over his thighs and spread his legs, tilting his head forward and making his eyes half-lidded and thereby more effective. He watched the way Hoseok reacted, how the gaze changed depending on his motions. The black-haired man believed that he had stuttered in his motions because of his presence but that wasn’t true.

_ It’s because you cared enough to give him something valuable. Something you never give no matter how much they beg you to save their lives. _

_ Why the fuck do you care enough to give it to him? _

_ Fuck. _

He broke the eye contact, feeling the same sudden pain in his chest that he had felt a few days before.

_ When you believed that he was dead. _

Taking another deep breath he closed his legs and turned towards the poll, using it as a finish for the choreography, arms flexing as he curled his body around it followed by quick motions, eyes continuously finding the dark brown ones.   
  
The muscular man got up from the barstool and smirked before turning around and disappearing into the crowd. The sight returned the same feeling of discomfort, mind empty just as his emotions.

_ It’s better if he’s gone, stop caring, you idiot. _

The crowd roared as the light turned off but Hyungwon barely managed to stand up and disappear backstage, heartbeat and frequency of his breaths picking up just like his vision turned into an undefined blurr. He should have felt strong and composed with the mass of energy he had received from the released sexual energy but he didn’t. Instead it just felt like someone had curled their hands around the bead and ripped it from his chest, making him disgustingly closer to human kind.

_ You act like one. But you aren’t one. _

A tap on the shoulder caught him off guard, too occupied with his own thoughts and he almost threw the petite girl to the side, eyes wide as she stumbled a few steps further.

“Don’t let out your frustrations on me, we’re all struggling,” she hissed and returned a strand of hair back into the messy bun on her head.

Hyungwon apologized quickly, attempting to appear timid as he threw the clothes he had taken off on the bench next to his street ones.

“What did you want?” he asked and brushed through his hair, still attempting to return his senses and stop thinking about humans.

One human.

“Someone requested you, room 307 and don’t let them wait too long. You’ll just get shit for it again.” The young girl still looked pissed as she stalked away, high heels accompanying each step of hers towards the stage.

_ Fuck. _

Composing himself Hyungwon did what he was best at, collecting all of his confusion and concern into a virtual ball in his head and tossing it as far across the ocean mentally as he was able to. There was no time for this, not while Hoseok was still in Bangkok and able to appear at any time. Hyungwon needed to be as untouchable as possible until the other left and he could finally use the time to deal with his piled up emotions, getting rid of them one by one with the aid of time.

_ You’re good at this. Feeling nothing is your forte. _

He brushed through his hair again and changed his outfit, slipping into something mostly transparent and light, accompanied by a few decorative stones and chains. It looked delicate but precious and had been chosen for him in advance.

Moving towards the bedrooms he watched his feet on the dirty, red carpet, overused from shoes and covered in small dents from heels. Private clients were even better for receiving energy. They involved less work than a private dance did and gave him a bigger amount as he was allowed to let them pass out, sleeping on the provided bed until they recovered again.

_ All while thinking they had you. _

Hyungwon chuckled at the ridiculous amounts of money elderly men were willing to pay just for the idea of fucking a young man. Of course he didn’t see the cash, that’s not how the business worked in Bangkok, but he knew how much it was.

_ You just never get any tips because they aren’t awake enough to give you any. _

Having a client was perfect and distracted him from his reoccurring, overly emotional thoughts. It plastered a smirk on his face instead as he strengthened his human form and prepared himself to build up an illusion as soon as he got close enough, kissing the other man.

The scent of perfume filled his nose as it always did, an attempt to defeat the scent of sex and bodily fluids that filled this area of the bar at all times. Pressing down the door handle he entered slowly, motions smooth like a cat and eyes big for effect. Humans were always so easy to please.   
  
“I guess you kiss them and they pass out, am I right?” the familiar low voice greeted him before he could spot the muscular body he had seen only half an hour ago, dark brown eyes piercing him like a spear.

_ He bought you. He fucking bought you. _

It was sudden but Hyungwon could feel the anger bubbling right below the surface at the sight of the other man and the audacity to force him into an interaction by buying him just like that.

“No, I sleep with them,” he hissed and dug his nails into his upper arm to refrain from breaking his human form. The other man would have only liked that.

_ At least that’s what they believe. _ __  
__  
“I’m not too convinced about that as I can still remember what that looks and feels like. But I’m happy that you’ve found the time to grace me with your ethereal presence.” Hoseok was obviously mocking him, body language giving out confidence immediately with the way the broad man was holding himself.

_ He thinks he has the upper hand in this. But you could just disappear again, such that he wouldn’t be able to find you. _

“You’re persistent,” Hyungwon commented and brushed over the transparent part of his shorts, fixing it before he moved towards the black-haired man on the bed.   
  
“It’s because I want you,” the other man answered and caught his gaze, staring into his eyes intently.

_ But he should know better. _

“That’s why you bought me, isn’t it? Because money can get you anything,” Hyungwon spat and crawled on top of the bed. The sheets were soft under his knees as he sat down on top of his shins and watched Hoseok intently, anger still remaining in place. 

The mixture of emotions were difficult to pinpoint, much more so than it had been before. He was relieved at how well Hoseok had recovered, blue life force bright and wounds not as deep anymore but at the same time he couldn’t refrain from the anger that popped up out of nowhere.

_ You want to forget but he’s not letting you. _ __  
__  
“You told me that you’ve lived for at least a thousand years. Why are you acting so stupid then?” Hoseok asked and tilted his head to the left, letting his intense gaze slide over his body.

_ Because you won’t be taking the bait. _

“Because I don’t act on emotions, Hoseok. They are meaningless and fade and you should be with another human of an equal life span instead of wasting it on someone like me that you cannot be with. I will never give you what you want or need, Hoseok. It’s futile. You should live life to the fullest and all that instead.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes and bit down on his lower lip, unsure of how to act with the black-haired man. He wasn’t sure if an illusion would have worked on him.

_ Can’t you create an illusion of yourself giving in? Would he be satisfied with that and leave? _ __  
__  
“Well I didn’t expect much from a con-artist Gumiho, but it’s fine, I have time.” The other man sighed and changed the spot by coming closer to where he sat. Hoseok’s dark eyes immediately found his while he could see the pink tongue slipping out from in between the curved lips, licking over the soft surface slowly.

“No, you don’t,” Hyungwon whispered and slid further back, reaction almost automatic with how his body reacted to the sight. It wasn’t supposed to. He didn’t give even one single shit about bodily attraction and sexual gratification.

_ Do it. _

Licking over his lips he kept staring at Hoseok, allowing a bit of energy to leave the bead and build a thin veil in front of him, distorting what Hoseok was able to see and feel. Removing himself from the perception he used another wave of bright blue to create a mirror image of his own body, replacing him and slipping towards the black-haired man. The mirror image curled long arms around Hoseok’s neck and lay the pink head on top of a broad shoulder, a bit of the transparent fabric on his chest rising up and revealing a slim waist.

“I don’t know how to act with you,” Hyungwon whispered, letting the words leave the plump lips of his mirror image as long fingers intertwined with the strands of Hoseok’s hair. It felt a little disconcerting to watch, much more so than with the humans he had taken the energy from before.

_ It’s because it’s him. _ __  
__  
Hoseok’s eyes widened and he seemed to have stopped breathing, teeth settling on his bottom lip and hands curling into the silky fabric of the red sheets. The reaction seemed strange to him.

_ Isn’t that what he wanted? To be close? For you to give in? _

Hyungwon frowned and let his mirror image stroke over the other man’s face, lips coming closer.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, and watched the way Hoseok reacted.   
  
Suddenly the other man squeezed his eyes shut, moving away from him blindly, not breathing and cheeks turning red from the strain. 

_ He’s in pain. _

It was beyond anything Hyungwon had ever seen in connection with an illusion of his. It was always the opposite, humans enjoyed it and basked in what they could receive without knowing that it was fake, only meant to tickle the life force out of them through sexual gratification.

His eyes widened at the extreme response and he let the mirror image crawl to the side, putting a bit of distance between the black-haired man and the collection of blue life force.

“Are you in pain, Hoseok? Why?”   
  
A sharp exhale left Hoseok’s lips as the other man slipped down from the bed, landing on all fours and sucking in oxygen furiously, eyes still closed and body trembling uncontrollably. It continued for at least another minute, before the handsome face turned towards nothing specific and Hoseok opened his eyes in an expression Hyungwon hadn’t seen before.

_ What are you doing to him? What the fuck is wrong with you? _

An unpleasant shudder passed through his body at the sight, chest burning and breathing becoming difficult, like it was a heavy liquid instead of oxygen that he attempted to inhale

_ Is this what he wants or are you just using an illusion to do what you would like to do? That’s pathetic, Hyungwon. _

He moved the body created from energy towards himself, putting even more distance between the black-haired man on the ground and the illusion he had created. Inhaling sharply he let go and let the blue light dissipate into the air, fading away like it was nothing of value. It sent a sharp pain through his chest, this time stemming from the bead with how much he had spent on creating it.

“Are you okay?” he asked carefully and slid a little closer, concerned that his mere presence evoked pain in the other man. It was obvious that he must have been fighting something, energy levels lower than they had been when Hyungwon had just entered the room, dissipating into the air just like the illusion he had created.   
  
Hoseok’s warm, brown eyes settled on his real form and the gaze hurt, containing some kind of silent judgement he didn’t want to know about, before the other man got up from the dirty floor and stumbled towards the exit.

Something was different and simultaneously the same. The situation was a like deja vu, Hoseok leaving suddenly after something that Hyungwon had done, walking towards a door and disappearing behind it.

_ You left after that. _

At the same time it was different because it appeared like time wasn’t passing, rather stopping instead, each motion of the other man’s body slow and extended, like it was telling him something, hinting at him to act in a particular way.

_ But isn’t it better if he leaves? If he finally lets go and allows you to forget? _

He should have been sure, immediately answering with yes and feeling glad at being able to reach what he wanted, but he didn't. Instead he felt like suffocating while time stood still, keeping his lungs constricted instead of allowing him to recover from it with the passage of time.

_ What if you won’t recover? What if it will just stay, just like this? _

“Fuck, wait,” he muttered, eyes focused on Hoseok’s retreating form and the way the pale hands curled around the door handle, about to press it down.   
  
“If you’re planning on doing stuff like that again,” Hoseok’s low voice muttered, audibly strained. “Don’t bother and just kill me instead.” The other man’s pale hand pushed down the handle and opened the door.

“I’m sorry,” Hyungwon whispered in response as the constricting feeling only spread. It wasn’t fear anymore. He didn’t even know what it was, burning in his chest and spreading out through his whole upper body like a disease he wasn’t aware of and couldn’t cure with energy. He didn’t move, remaining on the bed of a simple brothel room and staring straight ahead.   
  
“As if,” he can hear the whisper perfectly before the familiar broad back disappeared behind the door. The sound was loud in his ears, unpleasant like the honking of a car or the siren of an ambulance.

Again he didn’t act, allowing the other man to leave with hurt feelings, possible hurting him enough to make him never wish to see him again.

Hyungwon should have been glad, happy even that he reached his goal, that he could finally focus on forgetting and getting rid of the human emotions he had developed.

_ But you’re not. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 3rd of July at 2 PM CET.
> 
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	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You make me forget time, Hoseok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
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Physical pain was one thing, physical pain mixed with the fact that someone you loved showed absolute indifference while inflicting emotional pain on you was something Hoseok had not experienced before. Not on the scale Hyungwon had been able to tear him apart.   
  
_ He does act on his promises, doesn’t he? _ __  
__  
It felt as if his lungs were ripping when he saw Hyungwon crawling up to him with a seductive expression plastered all over the handsome face. Out of nowhere. The unbearable agony and the fact that Hyungwon would’ve never done it in the situation they’d been in was enough to know that the other man must’ve tried to bullshit him into something that wasn’t there.   
  
_ He used your affection to force his fucking image over you, thinking that that’s what you want. _ __  
__  
_ Fucking asshole. _ __  
__  
It was different from the pain that he had felt when Hyungwon tried to lure him before. This time the pain was more concentrated in certain regions, like his eyes that were burning as if someone had stuck a needle inside them, or his lungs that were hurting, comparable to breathing sharp metal splinters. It would have probably been less painful to die.   
  
Hyungwon might have thought that hurting Hoseok would result in him leaving, but it was bullshit. He knew how Hyungwon could be, that he was able to be tender and close, there was no way that the pain was scaring him off. But the indifference in the way Hyungwon stepped over his emotional investment by using his affection to hurt him, that was something that made his lungs clench even days after he had left the bar, not believing that the pink-haired man had been sorry.   
  
_ He’s not. _ __  
__  
He was so incredibly hurt, but it still didn’t matter. If the ethereal pink-haired man didn’t know pain, Hoseok was going to show him what it felt like. On himself.   
  
_ He said he doesn’t like you being in pain, but if you stay away he also doesn’t see what he does to you.  _ __  
__  
_ Show him. _ __  
__  
_   
  
It took about two weeks to find out where Hyungwon lived. It was again a house, a similar one to the one the pink-haired being lived in while residing in Germany. It had been the only thing that didn’t fit with the image of a seventeen-year-old stripper, but it must’ve also been a pattern, something the other man was cherishing. Like his memories.   
  
_ He hated it when you found his home. Now you’re a step further. _ __  
__  
He felt like a thug breaking one of the windows that was covered by heavy blinds and jumping into the absolutely dark room. A painful sensation appeared on his left thigh and he realized that he must’ve cut himself by not being careful enough. It didn’t matter, he wanted to be fast so he searched for the light switch and looked around.   
  
_ It’s the same, Hoseok. _ __  
__  
It was absolutely astonishing how Hyungwon had been able to recreate the exact same interior, wall colours and the arrangement of pictures, thousands of kilometers away. He couldn’t help the emotions that overcame him, as he walked towards the bedroom, hallway leading exactly to the barely lit up space. Sinking down on the silky sheets, Hoseok curled up in a blanket and sucked in a long breath, enjoying the painfully familiar scent, the scent that he had missed so much, the longing for the real thing increasing with each passing second.   
  
_ You’re bleeding, you fucking idiot. _ __  
__  
He jumped up and looked at the stained sheets. But it didn’t matter, Hyungwon would’ve known that he had been there anyway, there was no point in being careful.   
  
_ Now get what you are here for. _ __  
__  
He walked out and strolled along the hallways, beautiful pictures catching his attention before he saw a big brown cupboard with his notebook lying on top of it. It was as if the small leather book had found him and not the other way around. Curling his fingers around the precious belonging, he pressed it against his chest right after, feeling the genuine sadness occupy his senses.   
  
_ Leave. Now. _ __  
__  
Hoseok turned off the light and closed the distance to the window he had come through, paying attention to not hurt himself further while climbing out into the moist heat. There was nothing for granted in the world Hoseok was living in. If the other really wanted the affection he had put into the book, the Gumiho had to get it from him.   
  
_ There's nothing to have without a fight. _ __  
__  
_   
  
He worked a night shift that had been exceptionally hard on him due to the fact that he didn't sleep properly beforehand and also used up a lot of energy for healing up emotionally and physically after he had left the club Hyungwon had worked in. 

It was morning but he felt like passing out while climbing up the stairs to his apartment. He sunk his hand into the pocket of his jeans to pull out the key before he realized that something was off.

_ Hyungwon. _

To say that his door was open would've been an understatement. The piece of wood was basically ripped out through the force that the other man must've used.

_ He wants the notebook back.  _

_ No fucking way. _

He walked into the apartment with slow steps and eyed the damage. Books were thrown off the shelves, just like the pulled out drawers, some of which lay broken on the wooden floor.

_ He must've been really angry. _

Entering his tiny living room, Hoseok looked around and spotted the familiar figure standing next to a semi demolished cupboard.

“I paid enough money for your private dances so you better make up for the poor furniture that didn't do you dirty,” he hissed.

Hyungwon was fast, not even bothering with his human form as he rushed forward and basically threw him against the wall. Both palms were pressed flat against the white tapestry on each side of his head, not touching him.

“Money and furniture should be the least of your concerns right now. Where the fuck is it?” the other man growled, eyes mismatched and bright.

_ Wow. _

It didn't matter how many times Hoseok had seen the other man's real form, it still had a mesmerizing and intimidating effect on him at the same time. Hyungwon was simply beautiful.

“You have no idea about my concerns and yet you're searching for something that's not yours. It's mine. And I won't give it to you, because you're an asshole,” Hoseok elaborated after coughing for a couple of seconds.

“I need it. I’ll forget, without it- the memory- it’ll disappear and be gone. I don’t-” The pink-haired being growled again, moving close enough to force their bodies flush against each other, hot breath brushing his lips. “You said it is for me, so it is mine. Give it back.”

_ It's important for him. He's emotional about it. _

“You're so good at being indifferent, you can continue being like this without it. I said don't fucking touch it until I give it to you. You just stole it. I won't give it back,” he whispered against the full, red lips that were so close to his that it would've taken a simple movement to connect them. Hoseok's body was burning up at the painfully familiar touch, it was torture.

“I can’t be indifferent without it.” There was a rough exhale as Hyungwon slipped one of his legs between his, thereby reducing the distance even further. “Give-it-back. Now,” the pink-haired man hissed against his lips,  sharp teeth visible and eyes wide.

“You have to work for the things you want to get, Hyungwon. There's no fucking way I'll be giving it to you.” Hoseok bit down on his bottom lip harshly while he tried to deal with the fact that his love and materialized desire was pinning him against the wall. He licked over his lips and it tasted like blood.

“Don’t tempt me,” Hyungwon muttered, as if Hoseok was the one forcing them into such proximity, exhaling against his lips and smelling like forest and calm among the pile of dirt that were most of Bangkok’s streets. “What do you want?”

_ Him. You want him. _

“I'm not the one who's tempting here, Hyungwon, I just came from work, tired as fuck and you demolished my apartment. What I want? Sleep to regain strength to tell you to not act stupid because you know exactly what I want.” He tried to push the other man away but Hyungwon's slim body didn't move a single centimeter.

The pink-haired man hesitated to answer, staring at something above his head, following it along his neck and shoulders until he finally met his gaze again. For a second or two it appeared like the anger had dissipated until it returned full force, wall suffering from the way Hyungwon gripped it.

“How do you expect this to work, Hoseok? Now it is even more impossible than it had been in Germany. I will be staying here for ten years, I have a life that is incompatible with yours. Why can’t you let go? I don’t fucking understand your persistence. What the fuck is there to gain from a being like me, apart from pain and hurt feelings?”

He bit into his lip again, the taste of blood spreading inside his mouth.

“I love you and I want to be with you. I'm willing to do a lot of things, there's just you obviously wanting the same but behaving like a cowardly asshole, keeping my notebook without reading it and hurting my body and my feelings because you think I'd leave. I fucking won't, you asshole, this is not for you to decide,” he spat and pushed the other man away just as the combination of the lump inside his throat and the taste of blood became too much.

Hyungwon remained standing, allowing the distance between them and chewing on his cheek as he continued staring at him, not a single word leaving his lips.

“I couldn't read it yet. I would have regretted leaving and I mustn't,” he muttered as the long fingers curled up and dug into his palms as the other man preferred doing instead of dealing with his issues verbally. A few drops of blood hit the wooden planks. “I can’t act on this, Hoseok.”

He closed the distance and threw the other man's slim body against the same wall he had been pressed against only a minute ago and leaned in until their lips almost touched. Repeating the same words inside his head he started speaking. 

“Here's a contents preview from the notebook I won't give you, so listen carefully,” he started and sucked in a long breath. “Have you ever wanted something so much that everything else appeared blurred from a simple thought directed at the object of desire? I haven't. I didn't want anything before I started wanting to live. The desire to live was evoked through the realization that it could've been taken away from me, the life. Just like you. You asshole.” He felt how his lips trembled and the familiar lump turned into water filling out his eyes.

_ Why are you crying, Hoseok? It won't change anything. _

“I- I don’t know, I never wanted anything apart from life force, Hoseok,” Hyungwon murmured and moved closer, eyes widened as they settled on Hoseok’s, shock obvious. The long fingers reached out, grabbing his shoulders without hurting him and shook him a little. “But don’t cry- fuck- just don’t cry.”

“This is not your fucking business whether I cry or not, “ he managed to whisper before the tears ran down full force and he tried to move away from the hot fingers that were holding him in place.

“I can’t bear to see you cry,” the pink-haired man whispered as the hot arms curled around him and pressed him against the lean chest, his body like fire that surrounded him. “I’m supposed to be on my own, why are you tying me to yourself, Hoseok?”

_ Because he's everything you've ever wanted. _

“I don't care what you're supposed to be or not, I just know that I want you as much as I want to live and I know that you want me too which is why I'm here,” he whispered back and looked up into the beautifully mismatched eyes. Leaning in he touched the soft surface of Hyungwon's full lips with his own and closed his eyes, feeling how it felt like burning down to ashes but loving every second of it.

It felt like the blink of an eye until the soft kiss was returned, arms tightening around his body and pulling him closer as Hyungwon parted his lips, inhaling slowly. Hoseok reciprocated the embrace, pressing Hyungwon's lean chest against his own and licking inside the hot, delicious mouth he had missed so fucking much. It felt like they were two different types of metal melting into each other.

“This- it’s hard for me,” the beautiful man gasped against his lips before closing the distance again, one hand stroking upwards, along his waist and back until it settled in his hair.

“Deal with it,” he whispered back, as he pressed his lower body into Hyungwon's slim hips and deepened the kiss. He felt as if he was starving for years before he had finally been able to eat the most delicious meal in the world.

Another gasp left the pink-haired being as the grip in his hair turned harsher, just like the one around his waist and Hyungwon forced them to part.

“We can’t- I’ll hurt you,” he murmured and brushed a hand through his hair, frustration obvious. “I’m not human, I don’t just throw myself into things and hope everything will be fine in the end. That’s what usually gets you hurt, Hoseok. I don’t want you to get hurt, neither emotionally nor physically.” A groan left the almost blood-red lips. “You almost died last time. I’m not joking.”

_ Well duh. _ _  
_

“I know. Which is why you're not going to hurt me and be nice and careful so you can feel a lot of things and get your notebook in the end.” Hoseok curled his arms around the other man's slim waist and pulled him flush against his body. “The ‘I don't want to hurt you’ won't work. You have to invest effort, just like I invested effort to find you and to almost die for your ignorant ass to come down to my lowly human existence.”

“I’m not sure you understand, Hoseok.” Hyungwon returned the embrace but still kept a bit of distance between them, hesitation obvious with the way his eyes jumped from one feature of his face to another. “I’ve never been infatuated with a human. What if- what if I won’t be able to remove myself from the emotions? What if they will stay? For- for eternity.”

_ Isn't everyone afraid to get hurt? _

“I hope that they will be able to make you feel less lonely, Hyungwon. I want to give you so much, fuck, just let me.” He threw his head back and bit his lip. It was so frustrating.

“And what will I do when you are gone, Hoseok?” The expression changed as the mismatched eyes narrowed, but it wasn’t anger or disappointment. The emotion was difficult to read as the pink-haired being reached for his cheek and stroked over it with his thumb. “What then?”

_ He's not ready for this, but he has an eternity to think whereas your time is ticking away. _

“I came here while being ready to die. I guess you have to come to me when you're ready to live then,” Hoseok whispered and placed a short kiss on Hyungwon's full lips before loosening his grip and stepping back. He turned around and walked towards his bedroom, crawling onto the bed and covering himself with a blanket. He was tired and he wanted to cry.

Hyungwon followed, not quite entering the room as he leaned against the door frame and observed him carefully.

“You should rest,” the beautiful man commented eventually and walked over to him. Sitting down on the side, Hyungwon leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips, eyes closed and warmth instantly filling his chest, almost hot with the way it felt.

Parting, the pink-haired being smiled softly and stood up.

Hoseok didn't say anything and just pulled the blanket up to his chin in the silent hope that Hyungwon didn't see the wet stains on the pillow.

_   
  


It was simply unfair. Unfair that the pink-haired Gumiho had all the time in the world to make decisions and act on them whereas he himself had no idea when his life would end and how. It was the same feeling again, the prominent realization that he had been wasting time, time he could've spent being next to the beautiful being.

_ You won't be able to do much with your nice human ways, Hoseok. _

He knew, so he decided to learn from the Gumiho. The first step had been finding a shady dude who was specialized in faking keys, as Hoseok didn't plan on breaking windows every time he wanted to go to Hyungwon's house. If the other man didn't want to commit by giving him access, he would simply invite himself.

_ So what? He basically demolished your apartment, so he has to pay for it in one way or another. _

Holding the dark metal in his pale hand he slid it into the lock, opening the door without any problem and stepping inside. It was dark as always, so he turned on the light and went to the other man's kitchen, drinking a glass of water and putting the used container into the sink. He was tired after his shift, so he decided to take a nap knowing that Hyungwon was supposed to come in four hours at the earliest. To his immediate surprise the sheets were still stained with his blood from a week ago.

_ Why didn't he change them? _

Hoseok had no idea. Was it lack of time? Or the way his blood smelled? Maybe Hyungwon had wanted to keep the scent.

_ He does like you, Hoseok. _

Slipping out of his clothes he left everything on the carpet next to the king sized bed and crawled on top of it, choosing the spot that smelled the most like Hyungwon. When the fragrance entered his nose it felt like standing on top of a hill in the alps, the mixture of pine woods and cold, flowing water putting him at ease somehow. He curled up in the huge blanket and felt how his senses blurred further until everything turned black.

He dreamt about lying on the beach. It was hot, very hot, the weightless rays of sunshine were warming up his skin. After a couple of seconds it felt strange as it had only been warm on his lap. He opened one eye and blinked a couple of times until the picture lost it's blur.

Someone was leaning over him. He grabbed the figure by the shoulders, trying to determine what was happening before a low voice whispered into his ear.

“Why are you in my bed?”

_ Bed? His bed? _

_ You're at the Gumiho’s house, you idiot. _

“Because I was tired?” he asked back, not sure what to say.

Hyungwon lifted a light pink eyebrow and pursed his lips, shifting on top of his thighs as he observed him carefully.

“You must have slept well. Your levels are almost fully recovered if you say that you'd been tired enough to fall asleep in my bed,” he remarked before apparently realizing that he was sitting on Hoseok’s lap and attempted to scramble off.

“Stay where you are, why run away if you're sitting comfortably?” Hoseok grinned and curled his arms around the tiny waist.

Hyungwon frowned and tensed a little bit, hands grabbing the sheets on each side of Hoseok’s head. 

“Maybe  _ you _ should run with that extensive energy of yours before I take it from you.”

“Why take it from me if I'd give it to you like this?” He lifted his head and caught Hyungwon's lips in a rough kiss. It didn't even take a second for the Gumiho to kiss back, arms curling around his neck and pulling him upwards such that he could sit upright, his hands around Hyungwon's slim waist. Despite not being in his human form the other kept his claws retracted, careful against his sensitive skin.

“Because I might take it physically instead of spiritually,” the low voice whispered and closed the distance again, licking into his mouth and pulling at his hair roughly.

_ That's what responsibility is about. _

“Then be responsible with it,” he muttered between the hot kisses and pulled Hyungwon's shirt over his pink head, revealing the other man's beautifully golden skin, so hot against his own naked chest.

“But I can't. I lose myself when you touch me and react automatically. I have no experience with dealing with sexual pleasure. Sinking claws into the other is okay as a fox,” the beautiful man murmured and immediately connected their bodies again, like waiting for the shirt to come off had taken too long. An almost silent gasp left the red mouth at the touch of gold and white. “But I don't want to hurt you and we're so fucking different. I'm not built to be close to humans.”

“I'll tie your hands then,” Hoseok gasped, roaming over the burning back and shifting his hips under Hyungwon's ass. “Shit, you don't even know how much I've missed this.”

The pink-haired being bit down on his lower lip, staring at him intently as Hoseok could feel the heartbeat pick up further and the temperature increase, like a volcano that was about to erupt.

“Restrain me then.”

Hoseok leaned to the side and picked up Hyungwon's black shirt. Curling his finger he gestured at the pink-haired man to give him his wrists.

There was obvious hesitation but the slim man moved a little closer, rubbing over Hoseok’s groin on his way and stretching out his wrists.

“I might just rip it,” he murmured.

“You have to work on yourself too, Mr. Fox, so you better not rip it.” Hoseok frowned at him and tied the other man's slim wrists with the thick fabric, making sure that the knot was firm. He watched the beautiful man who was sitting on top of him, half naked with his tied up hands and those mesmerizing mismatched eyes.

_ You might be addicted though. _

“I want you,” he whispered, feeling his heartbeat and blood rushing inside his ears.

The mismatched eyes didn't leave his as Hyungwon nodded carefully, muscle contraction visible with how he held his hands. He must have been already investing strength to retain control.

“Kiss me like I know you want to.” Hoseok exhaled sharply and grabbed Hyungwon's hips with both hands while thrusting up a little to increase friction.

A gasp left the full lips and Hyungwon lifted his arms to place them around Hoseok’s neck, closing the distance between their mouths right after. The kiss was harsh, teeth clashing and tongues meeting. A low growl left the Gumiho as he pressed his hips against Hoseok’s, motion almost automatic.

He moaned, reciprocating the kiss and grabbed a fistful of Hyungwon's pink hair, pulling harshly and going directly for the hot, golden skin of the other man's neck, ravishing it.

Hyungwon hissed, arms tensing but he didn't rip the fabric, not yet at least. Instead the other man just pressed himself closer and threw his head back further to allow Hoseok more access.

“Shit, I want to touch you. All of you.” Turning them, Hoseok slipped out of Hyungwon's embrace and crawled lower, opening Hyungwon's jeans and sliding them down the other man's legs, along with his underwear. The pink-haired being looked mesmerizing, his smooth golden skin was covering the insanely attractive body. The other man was obviously aroused, straight erection twitching as soon as he came closer, breathing air over the tip.

Hyungwon gasped, spreading his legs in response and thereby revealing a few smudges of dirt along his ankles and inner thighs. It must have been from performing or other services.

“Fuck,” the ethereal being cursed and allowed his body to fall to the mattress, not holding himself above Hoseok anymore but letting his head sink into the pillows as he held his tied up hands above himself.

Hoseok closed his lips around the other man's erection, sucking and licking over it hungrily, enjoying every twitch. Grabbing the slim hips, he slid down and let Hyungwon's tip hit the back of his throat, humming over it.

The action was enough to tease a moan from Hyungwon's lips, body tensing and dick twitching in his mouth. He could see how the beautiful man dug his hands into the fabric of the pillow, probably to refrain from reaching out and speeding up his movements.

_ There's no way he has lube. _

Life was hard, but so was Hoseok. He let the other man's dick slip out of his mouth for a couple of seconds, just enough to spit on his own fingers and spread the saliva over them. Taking Hyungwon back into his mouth he slid a digit inside the other man, tight heat engulfing his finger before he found the spot and pressed down.

Hyungwon screamed as the slim body contracted around the digit and thighs immediately surrounded his head, pressing together with force. A few seconds passed until the pink-haired man finally released the grip and spread his legs instead, eyes closing at the sensations.

“Again,” he murmured, voice low and sharp teeth showing. 

“Fine, but only if you promise not to crush my skull,” Hoseok murmured, giving the other man a little break before sucking on his erection roughly and pushing in two fingers, pumping inside him while brushing over the sensitive spot repeatedly.

The mesmerizing being nodded furiously as he spread his legs wider, applying force to keep them that way. Instead of the pillow the sharp nails dug into the other man's palms with each spark of pleasure that Hoseok was able to produce. Screams and low moans rained from the plump lips, encouraging him to do more and give the attractive man more pleasure, more sensations and more of him.

Hoseok sucked on the sensitive skin of the other man's balls while adding a third finger and exhaling roughly at the way the beautiful fox felt around his fingers, longing for the feeling he could still remember from when they were especially close. He thought about how Hyungwon's body felt around him and what the ethereal being looked like lying under him.

The pink-haired man was chewing on his lower lip, gasping and groaning at each pump of Hoseok’s fingers. He didn't seem to give a single shit about the amount of lubrication, pushing towards him instead while still trying to keep his hands and legs in position. The concentration was almost traceable in addition to visible, eyebrows pulled together while the lips remained parted to release sounds of pleasure.

Hoseok looked up and removed his fingers.

“Do you feel better when you can control it,  Hyungwon?” he asked and licked over his lips, probably blood red from the effort.

The reaction was immediate as the mismatched eyes lifted to stare at him before Hyungwon curled his legs around him and used force to throw him to the mattress. The pink-haired man's wrists were still bound but he didn't need them to lift himself up and straddle Hoseok’s lap, hot body burning against his groin. 

“Like this?” he asked, lower lip pulled into his mouth and hands held above his head.

Hoseok nodded, a little dizzy from the speed of Hyungwon's movements.

“Just sit on it,” he whispered and licked over his lips once again, slower this time.

A smirk appeared on the pretty face as Hyungwon rolled his hips smoothly over Hoseok’s lap, as if he knew what effect he had. 

“Line up then, my hands are bound.”

Lifting a hand he held it in front of his face and licked over each finger slowly, tongue twirling around the single digits. It must've been torturous to watch. He reached between his legs and stroked over his dick a couple of times, spreading the liquid over it before lining up.

The beautiful being sighed in relief, biting down on his lower lip as he sank down slowly, not minding the stretch or the possible burn at all. Instead the pink-haired man moaned as soon as their thighs met, inhaling sharply and digging his claws right back into his palms. A few lines of dark red travelled down his underarms.

Hyungwon immediately lifted up his hips before dropping down, applying force as the Gumiho liked doing and screaming at the way it must have stimulated his insides. 

Hoseok cursed and grabbed Hyungwon's slim hips, eyes widened at the intensity.

“Fuck, you're crazy. I love it.”

The other didn't reply and merely repeated the rough motion, screaming whenever he sank down, abusing his lips in the process. It must have felt amazing with how delirious the beautiful being seemed, constantly applying force to drop down and set his senses on fire while engulfing Hoseok in lava at the same time.

“Fuck, I want more,” Hyungwon gasped as he tensed his arms further, soaking the fabric that bound his wrists. As the mismatched eyes closed the other man increased the speed with which he dropped down, going way beyond what Hoseok would have considered human.

“Stop. I'll show you something else,” Hoseok moaned and lifted his upper body, catching a nipple and biting down on it for the other man to react.

Hyungwon stopped moving, breathing heavily and finally relaxing the muscles of his arms which were covered in red lines.

“Show me,” the other moaned and leaned forward to free Hoseok’s lips, kissing them as soon as he was able to reach them.

“Well, it's something you're most familiar with. Lie down on your stomach with your ass in the air. I will show you.” He grinned into the kiss, stroking over the beautiful skin that didn't show any signs of sweat.

Inhaling sharply the ethereal being slipped off his dick and complied immediately, lying down with his bound arms stretched to the front and hips slowly lifting into the air. The sight was beyond arousing. Hoseok couldn't hold back and grabbed the firm cheeks, spreading them and licking along the other man's crack.

_ Make him growl, Hoseok. _

Moving back a little he lined up and pushed himself in, aiming downwards by propping up on one leg.

The beautiful man almost fell forward despite his strength, moaning at the sensation and pushing against him to feel more, fingers digging into the sheets. 

“Move,” Hyungwon hissed as if his patience had suddenly dissipated into thin air.

“You should work on your patience too.” Hoseok chuckled although there had been nothing he had wanted to do more. Moving back out almost completely, he slammed back in, fireworks of sensations exploding behind his eyelids and parted lips releasing a low groan. _  
_

“Yes, just like that,” Hyungwon moaned and pushed against him, meeting the thrust and growling when Hoseok didn't repeat it immediately. “Fucking move, Hoseok.” It was fascinating to see how the tension rose in the slim body and claws scratched over the sheets.

He didn't need another invitation and slammed his hips into Hyungwon's rather slim ones, moaning and cursing at the way it felt to be surrounded by the tight heat of the other man's body, clenching around him repeatedly and providing him with overwhelming pleasure non-stop.

He reached between Hyungwon's legs and curled his fingers around the hard erection, stroking it with practiced movements.

The beautiful being was delirious, meeting each thrust and growling repeatedly. The sharp claws ripped the sheets to shreds as the fabric that restrained Hyungwon began to give in.

“Fuck, I want you so much,” the pink-haired man screamed and buried his claws in the sheets as he rested his head on top of them. The golden skin was completely blushed and absolutely gorgeous. _  
_

“I want you too, so give yourself to me, Hyungwon.” Hoseok felt his orgasm tingling along his legs and groin, spreading fast and begging for release while he moved in and out of the mesmerizing body.

Familiar warmth began to spread through his chest in addition to the pleasure, just in time with a sudden gasp that Hyungwon released. It was like the other man felt something beyond what Hoseok was able to perceive. The tight body contracted, almost not letting him go as Hyungwon threw his head back and released himself between them, loud growl leaving the plump lips as the other ripped the black shirt that constrained his hands.

The timing was perfect.

Hoseok grabbed Hyungwon's hips with both hands and thrust into them roughly, before orgasming with a loud groan, burying himself inside the hot body, finally collapsing on top of it.

Hyungwon remained in place, appearing unbothered by the weight as he inhaled harshly and curled his wrists, probably getting used to the feeling of freedom after having been constrained for an extended period of time.

Curling a hand around Hoseok’s biceps the pink-haired man pulled him down to the mattress and thereby also out of the hot body. It was fascinating how little shits Hyungwon gave, simply sitting down on top of him and staring at him intently, not tired out at all despite the intense orgasm.

“Do that again,” he whispered, leaning in and appearing absolutely oblivious to the cum that slipped down his legs.

_ What? _

“That? What out of all the things we did?” he asked in between the harsh pants that were leaving his parted lips.

“Fuck me again,” Hyungwon replied and licked over a nipple, sucking it into his mouth and scratching over Hoseok’s skin with sharp teeth as he moved back up to his lips.

“I'll pass out. You have to give me at least 20 minutes, unless you want to suck me off through sensitivity which is awesome but also fucking mental.” Hoseok still moaned at the arousing touches the other man was providing him with. _  
_

A smile appeared on the full lips as Hyungwon hummed and moved down along his body, apparently ignoring everything that he had said apart from ‘suck me off’ and ’awesome’. Inhaling deeply the Gumiho licked along his erection, sharp teeth obvious whenever he smiled. The plump ring of muscles closed around his tip and sucked harshly, making its way downwards until his dick hit the back of Hyungwon's throat. Humming the beautiful man used his tongue on his way up and repeated the whole thing, scratching lightly with his teeth.

_ Fuck, he's mental. _

Sparks shot though his absolutely over sensitive body after the intense sex, desire to pull the other man off his dick overwhelming. His balls hurt a bit but he felt how the desire switched towards pushing himself deeper into Hyungwon's hot mouth.

“Fuck, you're driving me nuts. How do you want me?” Hoseok asked, voice rough and skin coloured pink from arousal.

Hyungwon released his erection from the hot mouth and looked up, smirk spreading.

“If you're exhausted I can do all the work, just have to hold onto the headboard then,” the pink-haired man remarked nonchalantly and crawled upwards, sitting down on Hoseok’s lap and rolling his hips smoothly. “I'm pretty insatiable. I just didn't think it would be the same as a human.”

“I also can't get enough of you, my body just needs time,” Hoseok commented and roamed his hands over Hyungwon's lean stomach.

“Fair enough,” the pink-haired man remarked and curled his hand around Hoseok’s erection, lining it up with his body and easily sinking down on it, slide smooth with the help of Hoseok’s previous release. Hoseok moaned, eyes shutting and hands grabbing the slim hips immediately.

“Fuck, wreck me, Hyungwon,” he groaned.

Smiling shortly the pink-haired man grabbed the headboard and used it for leverage as he moved up and slammed back down, moaning at the sensation and quickly hardening at the pleasure the motion evoked.

“I love the way you feel inside me,” the full lips murmured as the pace increased further and Hyungwon didn't seem to pay attention to his strength, riding Hoseok like there was no tomorrow. 

Shit, he loved it. Curses kept leaving his lips as the pace increased further, sounds of skin slapping against skin filling out the acoustic space.

“Fuck, show me how much you like it.”

Hyungwon moaned at the words, scratching along the headboard with his claws and stuttering a little in his pace, like the feeling of Hoseok inside of him was too much to stay calm.

The mismatched eyes focused on him, plump lips parted as the pink-haired man growled but didn't break the eye contact, each little spark of pleasure visible on the mesmerising face. 

“You make me forget time, Hoseok.”

Something clenched inside his lungs, forcing him to suck in oxygen as he looked back into those deep eyes, the eyes he had missed so much, the fox who was looking back at him.

“You're the reason I'm happy to be alive, Hyungwon.”  
  


***  
  


Hoseok was really beautiful when he was asleep.

Hyungwon let his fingers run through the black strands, watching the way soft breaths left the curved mouth at regular intervals, the tell-tale sign that the other man was asleep.

_ He seems so vulnerable. _

Hoseok had basically been knocked out after Hyungwon had pulled him through a third round, addicted to the ocean of life force that surrounded them each time they were connected. It was as if he knew what owning his own life force felt like. Mind blowing, and he wished to always be surrounded by the bright blue that the man on his bed owned without much effort.

_ But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t feel it like you do. _

Hyungwon didn’t know if allowing the stubborn human to be close was a good decision but it was too late now. There was no way to deny the black-haired man now that he had gotten a taste of what real proximity was.

_ Now that you know a way to be close without hurting him. _

The only one who had gotten hurt was him, blood drying on the sheets and along his arms, staining Hoseok’s neck at some parts where Hyungwon had curled his arms around it. It was a little messy but worth it. The sensation couldn’t be compared to anything else he had ever experienced.

_ You always thought that a cycle of energy was only possible between humans. _

Standing up he walked to the bathroom, wetting a towel and cleaning his arms and legs, removing excess fluid and the last signs of their love-making. Once he was done he prepared another towel, returning to the bedroom and brushing over the pale skin, cleaning it up the same way he had cleaned himself.

Hoseok remained peacefully asleep, lips parting a little further and body unmoving although the black-haired man didn’t lack energy.

_ It must be a different type of exhaustion then. _

It felt a little unreal to have the painfully familiar human lie in his bed although he had changed everything around them, the country, the profession, his identity. Everything was different and still Hoseok had come for him, investing effort and emotions to be with him despite their unfitting biological forms.

_ But he won’t be able to stay forever. He has a life in Germany that he needs to return to and you cannot return. You will be Alex for the next ten years until you become someone else. _

Inhaling sharply Hyungwon stood up, putting a bit of distance between him and the human on his bed. The thought of parting returned the unfamiliar burning in his chest, unpleasant and spreading throughout his body without his permission.

_ He makes you feel things you aren’t supposed to feel. _

But Hyungwon didn’t want it to stop either. Returning to the bed he covered the pale skin with a blanket, wondering how much the other man minded the state of the sheets he was lying in.

_ You will have to let him take a shower. Maybe a bath even. _

Pulling his lips together Hyungwon moved towards the bathroom, running the water that he kept cooler than his own preference to approximate what Hoseok would consider pleasant. Rummaging through his various collections of cloth he found another bedsheet and duvet cover that he prepared for when Hoseok woke up. He hadn’t changed it since the blood marks on his sheets and the broken window.

_ You couldn't part with the scent. What makes you so sure that you will be able to part now that it is in your bed? _

Just as he returned to the beautiful man’s side and brushed through the thick black hair, the annoying sound of a telephone passed through the air, almost piercing Hyungwon’s ears with how loud it was. It couldn’t be Kihyun as the half-Gumiho had already called the day before. There was no reason to ask for historical advice more often than once a week.

Frowning Hyungwon moved towards the source of the sound. It was coming from the pile of clothes that Hoseok had left right in front of his bed. The device was hidden in one of the pockets of his jeans, still ringing loudly and not showing any sign of stopping anytime soon.

_ It’s his friend. _

A heavy feeling of having committed something wrong spread through Hyungwon’s lower stomach, like nausea although it wasn’t a sensation he was familiar with.

_ Guilt. You’re guilty because you took his memories. _

Hyungwon pressed the accept button but didn’t say anything. There was no reason for replying. He just wanted the painful ringing to stop. Just like the unpleasant feeling in his body.

“I'm going to kill you, Hoseok, you mental fuck. Laura told me that you resigned and I saw your apartment for sale. What the fuck is going on? You'll stay in Bangkok now? Forever? Why? Why didn't you tell me anything? Asshole.” The low voice cracked in the end.

Hyungwon couldn’t help the way his eyes widened and he reached out to cover the speaker. The other man’s voice must have been loud enough to wake up Hoseok.

_ He wants to stay? With you? Despite the profession you chose? _

Hyungwon swallowed heavily, not sure what to answer, especially since it wasn’t meant for him.

“Maybe- maybe you can convince him to return,” he answered in Thai, hoping that it would be enough for the other man to call some other time. He had never encountered anybody after erasing their memories once and he didn’t know what would happen once he did.

“Who're you?” Changkyun asked in perfect Thai.

_ Shit. _

“The reason he came, but I also believe that he should return to his life in Germany. It is- it is more befitting of him, Sir,” Hyungwon replied while trying to remain calm and not panic at the fact that his genuine response had been understood. Why the hell was Hoseok’s friend able to speak Thai? “He’s asleep right now, so you should try calling later when he is awake.”

“Why would you be the reason? You know him from Germany? When did you meet?” The reason for erasing the other man's memories became painfully apparent. 

_ This is why you never leave traces, Hyungwon. Because it will all come to bite you in the ass in the end. _

“No, we had never met before he came here. He found me himself.”

_ Fucking genius. What the hell does that even mean? _

“You didn't drug him out or something right?” the low voice asked full of doubt before the phone was ripped out of his hand. Hyungwon turned towards Hoseok, disbelief on his face at the realization that the other man's friend genuinely believed he drugged him.

“Changkyun, is that you? I'm fine, everything is great, Bangkok is amazing. I already have a waiting list of people who want to buy my apartment for an insane amount of money, don't worry. Also please don't come, I'll visit you.” The black-haired man spoke calmly, voice low and rough.

_ He is really selling his apartment. For how long does he wish to stay? _

Hyungwon placed his palm on Hoseok’s naked thigh, squeezing a little and waiting for him to finish the phone call. He felt relieved that the black-haired man had taken over.

After finishing the phone call, Hoseok turned around and looked at him in question.

“What's wrong? Why do you look like this? What did you talk to Changkyun about? He doesn't remember you anyway. Was he at least tasty?”

The discomfort returned full force, numbing his senses. It must have been guilt again, regret at hurting Hoseok’s friend and thereby also the black-haired man.

“How can you joke about that? Shouldn't it make you uncomfortable? He came and confronted me, I had to erase him.”

_ Why are you justifying yourself? _

“Why are you selling your apartment, Hoseok? How long do you wish to stay in Bangkok?” Examining the beautiful human’s face he inhaled sharply and released the hold on the firm thigh. “With an underage male stripper.”

“I'm going to stay until I die. With the underage male stripper. Why? Want to report me? Do you even have an ID?” Hoseok tilted his head to the left and examined his features. “I have to joke about that to feel at ease and I'm happy that you didn't do anything worse to him. Changkyun I mean.”

_ He wants to stay with you? As long as he can? _

“I wouldn't hurt someone that is meaningful to you, Hoseok. I generally don't want to hurt anybody beyond what is necessary.” Something changed in his perceptions, a warmth that resembled happiness washing over him as he moved closer to the black-haired man. “I do have an ID. I always do, but my age is not my main concern, Hoseok. Do you really think you will be happy with me? Not settling down but moving every ten years, breaking every social contact that you made and starting anew?”

He shouldn't have felt happy about Hoseok’s willingness to stay with him but he did. However,  Hyungwon couldn't erase his worry that the black-haired man didn't know what it meant, what breaking his existence every ten years could do to someone like him, to his self-esteem and established abilities.

“Did you see my body?” Hoseok asked, turning around and showing the big long scars that spread over his pale back. “Don't think that was necessary. I was all pale and pretty before. But yeah, if I need to do all those things you mentioned to be with you, I'm fine with that.“

_ You left marks, Hyungwon. They will never disappear. What the hell are the marks he leaves with you in comparison? _

“I'm sorry,” he murmured, reaching out and letting his fingertips move over the scarred skin, heavy feeling returning to his stomach. “Fuck, I'm so sorry. Please stay with me, Hoseok. I'll try to make it worth it.”

“You are already worth it, Hyungwon. That's why I'm here. I’m absolutely sure about what I want, it's just-" Hoseok hesitated a little before letting himself fall on the sheets, arms spread. “Just that you don't seem to be.”

“I just don't know how to deal with this. I feel like you would be wasting your lifetime on me and I won't be able to deal with it once you're gone. I needed a lot of time to get over certain occurrences and none of the people involved were as close to me as you are, Hoseok,” Hyungwon replied and lay down next to the only human he really cared about, arms curling around the cool skin and pressing his nose into the crook of Hoseok’s neck.

“You did amazingly well when I found you. I needed a month and almost death to crack you. I didn't even know whether you cared about me, it's just hard to understand what you're capable of emotion wise and what it feels like.” The beautiful man pulled him on top of himself while his curved lips kissed along his jaw. “I'm not wasting my lifetime. I feel alive because of you.”

_ Try to explain it, maybe he will understand. _

“I care about you, beyond what I have known myself to be capable of. I’m not sure if I can describe it. It’s warmth, similar to the bead but somehow also different, spreading out and resembling happiness but at the same time it seems to burn and push my insides into a fist and squeeze whenever you get hurt. I don’t know how to describe it and whether it is in anyway familiar to you, just-” Hyungwon took a deep breath, a little overwhelmed himself by the mass of words that left his lips. “Let’s assume you stay with me. You move with me and we continue this. What then? You won’t live forever, Hoseok. But I will. How the fuck I am supposed to pour my emotions into an object and lock it away if they aren’t even tied to the object anymore but to myself?”

“Won't it still make you feel alive? Remind you that you are not necessarily made to be alone, Hyungwon?” The beautiful man smiled and kissed his lips in an unknown tenderness. “Even if it's not me.”

“I don't know. The thought scares me, Hoseok.” Hyungwon shifted and moved even closer, letting as much pale skin as possible touch his. “I always believed that time can heal anything but now I'm not so sure anymore. I wasn't able to read your diary for three months. That means a lot.”

“But how are you able to change if you don't let things hurt you?” Hoseok's voice was quiet and accompanied by the cool exhales against his lips. The other man's tender fingers were drawing patterns along his back and arms, touch so impossibly light that the intimacy of the situation scared him.

“Physically has never been a problem. I just don't know if the emotional pain can heal just as fast. What if you are underestimating this, Hoseok?” Hyungwon swallowed, trying to remove the knot in his throat but it seemed impossible. “I'm not human after all. Maybe falling in love is a one time thing and I won't be able to let go anymore.”

The beautiful eyes looked up to him, thought apparent in the way they narrowed.

“It is possible. But then again you've been in love at least once in your lifetime. Isn't it still better than not knowing what it feels like at all? I mean you're discussing this right know, but didn't you consider that you're already in love with me? What would happen if I left? Now?” The gaze was very serious although the cool fingers were continuing the pleasant strokes.

_ What would you do, Hyungwon? Isn't it too late already? _

“I- I would probably try to forget, like before. But I missed you over the last three months. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't want you to leave.” It felt so vulnerable to admit things like that. It was like Hyungwon showed his weakness to the black-haired man, allowing him to grab it and rip it apart if he wanted to. “Please don't leave.”

“I don't know if I could even if you asked me to. I came here not knowing how you'd react at all, I trained and bought materials to treat myself if necessary, but I was also prepared to die to be honest. That's how desperate I am to be with you. You've settled somewhere so deep inside me that I can't access and remove it anymore. I love you.” Hoseok leaned in and licked over his bottom lip slowly before kissing over the wet trail the pink tongue had left.

_ You always lived for experiences, Hyungwon. For learning and growing further because you felt like you were standing still.  _

_ Isn't this exactly what you have been yearning for? _

It felt overwhelming somehow, like he was turning around and simply letting himself fall back, down a cliff. It shouldn't have mattered because he couldn't have died from it but the mere knowledge that it would hurt was the only concern. 

_ And still the concern is not enough to not want to be with him.  _

“I think I love you too, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered and pulled the pale body fully into his embrace, letting their legs intertwine and lips touch. “I'm sorry for pulling you into this but I hope that you'll spend the rest of your life with me. I feel happier when you are around, even if I am not quite familiar enough with the feeling to describe it yet.”

“I've never been happier in my life. I can't believe I had to die thrice to meet you. The eternal life.” The words were barely a whisper. He had never seen the black-haired man as emotional. “The happiest day of my life is lying in bed with a 17-year-old male stripper Gumiho in Bangkok after working for twelve hours in an underpaid job. Worth it.” Hoseok chuckled.

Hyungwon wasn't sure if he could laugh about that. It didn't sound like something to be particularly happy about.

“Would you like a better job? Maybe someone with proper Thai could help you? You don't even need to work if you don't need to. I just do it to learn something and as an alibi because I can't always be the son of rich, dead parents that appears in a new city. People get suspicious.” Looking around the room Hyungwon bit down on his lip, painfully. He had a possible offer but it went beyond all of his beliefs.

_ Just say it. He proved more often than not that he can keep a secret. You want him close  _

“Would you like to live here with me?”

He saw how the other man's curved lips parted only releasing air but not saying anything as his eyes widened.

“First of all, what? Second, do you know how much my apartment in Munich is worth? It's not quite about money, I really love my job, I love being a doctor. So to come back to your offer, what? Did you ask because you think I have no money, or-?”

_ Because you want him here.  _

“No, it's- it's because you-” Hyungwon didn't know why he couldn't say it. It was just words, words showing an emotional relationship and feelings, but still just words. He growled at his own inability and buried his head in the crook of Hoseok’s neck. “Just live here. I completely demolished yours anyway.”

“Because you demolished mine? I guess it's better than ‘give me the fake key and fuck off’ so I'm very happy about it. I'd love to live with you, Hyungwon.” Hoseok's curved lips kissed along his ear, soft chuckle tickling it such that it jerked. “I love it that you can move your ears.”

Hyungwon wanted to roll his eyes at the ridiculous remark. However, something else caught his attention in the other man's words. Looking up he stared at the black-haired man who seemed happy, lips wide and eyes bright.

“You have a key? What the fuck are you, Hoseok? Cardiovascular surgeons don't make fake keys and break into other people's houses.” He couldn't believe that Hoseok would have gone this far. 

_ But why didn't you even think about how he got in without a broken window? You stopped minding his presence a long time ago, didn't you? _

“I'm in love with a Gumiho, what am I supposed to do? Get my energy sucked out and continue my life as a dumb vegetable? Of course I have to make money for private dances, steal back my things and break into your house because your bed is more comfortable. And because I hoped you wouldn't throw me out.” Hoseok grinned and it looked surprisingly nasty.

“Holy shit. You really worked just to see me dance? I-" Hyungwon didn't know what to say. All of the effort seemed intense compared to the effort he had put in to forget. It wasn't even comparable. He had only kept himself from reading the diary, afraid that he would miss the black-haired man even more than he already did.

_ But living with you won't be easy. He will have to give up a lot.  _

“But are you sure that you will be fine with this? You will barely be able to keep in contact with your friends, you can't bring the new contacts you make home because humans aren't allowed to be here. You won't be able to introduce me to anybody properly unless you are fine with them forgetting in the end and losing up to ten years of their life.” Hyungwon inhaled the sweet scent of the other man, struggling with the image that being with him could be worth all those repercussions. “You won't really be able to live as freely as you used to, Hoseok.”

“I'm alone. I have my mom but we don't see each other often, and Changkyun. I'm sorry about what happened with him, actually I'm sorry about what happened with everyone around me. Including you.” Hyungwon felt how Hoseok's muscular body tensed under him at the words. It must've been something very personal. “I'm okay with those things you said, as long as it means that I can stay next to you.”

_ He's keeping people away, isn't he? Another thing you two have in common.  _

“You can,” Hyungwon whispered and hoped that time would solve the remaining issues, turn them into nothing just like it took everything else apart bit by bit, leaving only dust behind. 

Just that this time it might also take something that he wasn't willing to give away.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 5th of July at 2 PM CET.
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe because you were always the one to decide."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> 

Hyungwon was staring at the same page of light brown paper, stained and discoloured from use and the two hundred years that he’d had it, and didn’t get even one line of meaning from the black ink.

He should have been reading peacefully, but he wasn’t. It was quiet, there was no noise to disturb him or throw him off, but still he wasn’t able to focus. Time was his constant companion but it appeared to be passing with absolutely nothing happening in between while he played with the slightly crooked edge of the page and tried to figure out what exactly motivated Faust to agree on a deal with the devil, turning to magic for eternal knowledge and agreeing to serve in hell after receiving everything that he wished for during his time on earth.

_ Is a fulfilled life worth suffering for after it? In what humans call ‘hell’? _

Hyungwon would have been several hundred pages further, already past a moment he had never been able to understand in the play. It was a scene in which Faust told the devil that as soon as he reached a time point at which the devil managed to make him happy enough to never leave the moment, he would die willingly. The concept had never really made sense to him. Why would anybody wish to stay in a moment forever and die? Especially if they knew that they were going to suffer after death. Wouldn’t one wish to remain alive then? To live as long as possible?

Maybe his thoughts would have already led him further than that, understanding the meaning behind Goethe’s play, if there hadn’t been the bright arrangement of blue life force a few meters further, in a different room but close enough to know exactly where it was. It took his ability to concentrate and made the bead react in his chest, just like a body part that was twitching in anticipation of something.

_ You’re always alone. You aren’t used to having an energy source around you all the time. _

Hoseok had moved in over the course of three days, quickly placing various personal items somewhere - Hyungwon wasn’t even quite sure where exactly because the whole place already smelled like the black-haired man - and using the space as his own without any hesitation.

_ You would have felt more uncomfortable at someone else's house than he feels at yours. _

The magic was strong, purposefully masking the building well from curious minds and humans that wished to stumble upon it. One had to know it was there to be able to find it and having a human behind the heavy wooden door seemed counterintuitive.

_ You’re the one who wanted him here, why are you struggling so much now? _

The answer was pretty simple. No matter how much Hyungwon liked Hoseok and wished to have him around, he was still a Gumiho that fed on human energy and Hoseok happened to be an especially delicious and perfectly qualified source of exactly that. But the black-haired man needed to recover and couldn’t serve as a source forever so Hyungwon had to hold back, taking it from his clients instead.

_ But not much can compare to the sweetness. _

The presence of other energy didn’t make this any easier, the bright blue colour constantly remaining at the back of his mind and awareness.

Groaning in frustration he closed the book and threw it on his night table, deciding to contemplate the meaningfulness of one happy moment compared to an after-life full of pain another time.

He opened one of the drawers next to his bed to look for something else to occupy himself with, preferably a lighter read than Goethe. Instead he was met with a variety of bottles and small tubes with transparent liquid. They appeared familiar but he needed a few minutes to remember that it had been the same liquid Hoseok used to ease the slide before entering him.

_ He seems prepared. _

Closing the drawer he was a little dissatisfied at the sudden objects appearing all over the place, breaking the way his house had looked for more than 700 years. It was disconcerting how the presence of one human was able to change everything over the course of three days only.

Again he sighed, blue energy moving in the background to go to the bathroom, immediately entering his mind and awareness through the change in location. He didn’t need to know where Hoseok was at all times, but apparently the bead disagreed as long as the black-haired man was close enough.

Since his other book wasn’t in the drawer with random liquids Hyungwon tried the next one, eyes falling on a relatively big stuffed animal. A fox, a huge, orange fox.

_ What the actual fuck? _

Frowning at the rather hideous thing, large eyes taking up most of the space on the tiny face, Hyungwon grabbed it with his index finger and thumb without piercing the fluffy texture with his claws and walked to the bathroom door. Chewing on his cheek he waited for Hoseok to leave the room, holding the wrongly coloured animal in front of himself.

“Why did you take my fox?” The other man walked out in nothing but a white towel that was hanging down from the top of his head.

Hyungwon felt a familiar spark in his chest at the sight, the wish to throw the ugly fox to the side rather prominent. But he controlled himself.

“Why do you have a stuffed animal in my bedside drawer?” he asked instead of acting on his urges and shifted the leg he was standing on, eyes eating up the prominent lines that marked the black-haired man’s muscles.

“Because I felt like dying when you left and everything sucked and I just went to Toys R Us and bought a giant-fucking-fox. Well it didn't really help much but I did cuddle it,” Hoseok answered and started rubbing his hair dry, muscles flexing at the movement.

Hyungwon growled, glancing at the ceiling quickly so as to not jump the other man and thereby interrupt the discussion he was trying to have. A discussion on irrelevant and rather hideous items in his house.

“It has the wrong colour, huge eyes and doesn’t smell even remotely like you compared to some of the other items you brought, so why do you still need this?” he asked while biting down on his lower lip and increasing the force with which he held the stuffed animal. He didn’t do it on purpose but anger did that to him. Just like his attempts at controlling his instincts.

“I need it in case you randomly decide to leave me again without any further notice. Do they even sell foxes in Bangkok? Do they sell them where I will try to find you? How would I know, so it has to stay,” the other man elaborated and let the small white towel rest over his broad, muscular shoulders.

Hyungwon felt conflicted between wanting to touch the black-haired man and wanting to slap him across the face for thinking he would just fuck off again after his failed attempts to forget.

_ You already told him that you want him to stay. You can’t just leave anymore. Not unless he realizes that breaking from his family and friends isn’t worth it. _

Inhaling sharply he looked down, examining Hoseok from head to toe before he stepped closer and threw the fox to the ground. It seemed to be a better course of action before he accidentally ripped it, considering how important it seemed to be to the other man.

“Why the fuck would I leave after doing all of this? I would have left when you entered the ‘Sweet Heaven’ for the first time,” he hissed and pushed Hoseok against the wall, inhaling the sweet scent and pressing his fingers into the tapestry to distract himself from his constantly present urges. Having the other man around all the time didn’t make it any better.

“How did you live without me all this time? Is other food not attractive? Did you touch yourself? Also ‘Sweet Heaven’ is not a fitting name for that place. I want to punch them all for touching you. And you for the shameless grins.” Hoseok licked over his lips slowly, as if on purpose.

_ He’s provoking you. _

Hyungwon would have laughed at the attempts. If they hadn’t been effective.

He breathed in slowly, filling his nose with the sweet scent of the other man that wasn’t overshadowed by scented products. Hyungwon licked over the curved lower lip, enjoying the way it tasted and how it let the energy buzz through him, preparing for exchange. It seemed like his body already knew what to expect.

“I tried to forget, I never really cared about sexual pleasure and I only slept with others when I was in my fox form. I didn’t touch myself either because there was no need to.” He scratched over the wall in an attempt to keep his senses and not get angry at the provocation. “I don’t think you understand the source of my need for contact, it’s not the pleasure, it’s the connection, Hoseok.”

The pretty, curved lips spread in a bright grin once again.

“Well, I don't know about that. Don't think you've asked for a connection while groaning my name repeatedly, I'm pretty sure it was something else. Either way, you're driving me nuts, Hyungwon.” A sharp exhale left the other man's mouth just in time for him to hear.

Hyungwon hated the ambivalence. Some of the words made him want to press Hoseok against the wall and make him regret provoking him, while the other just wanted to curl his arms around the man's firm neck and scream his name as he touched him.

“As long as you aren’t immortal you will have to deal with other men touching me, Hoseok, because I’m all about the energy,” he hissed and licked over the delicious mouth again, wanting to taste more as his hands slowly slid down the wall, leaving marks in the tapestry.

“Now it's my fault for being mortal? You could've been anything but you decided on becoming a stripper, what the fuck?” Hoseok curled his arms around his waist and leaned in. “You look as if you'd like to taste me.”

Hyungwon gasped at the touch, feeling how his pupils widened from the proximity and wish to be close that had absolutely nothing to do with wanting the other man’s energy. He wanted the connection.

“I wanted to learn about pleasure,” he whispered as he removed his claws from the wall and forced himself to retract them. Licking over his lips Hyungwon dropped to his knees and grabbed the beautiful man’s hips in a firm grip without breaking the skin. “And I do want to taste you,” he breathed out before taking the other man’s dick into his mouth, sucking his way along it and focusing on the way the heart rate and breathing frequency picked up immediately.

Hoseok cursed and let the small towel fall to the floor right next to him. Hyungwon felt the other man's fingers sinking into his hair and tightening their grip.

“Fuck, what do you need to learn, if you're already fucking perfect?” The low voice sounded rough as Hoseok threw his head back against the wall as a reaction to a particular movement of Hyungwon's tongue.

The response was perfect and although Hyungwon invested small bits of his own strength he knew perfectly well that it would return after engulfing him completely in the bright blue light.

He dipped his tongue into the tip and let his teeth slide carefully along the shaft as he moved down, adding suction. Hoseok was pretty sensitive and he liked it, enjoying the low groans a little longer before he let go. 

“I wanted to learn what sexuality means to humans and how important it is,” he replied and licked his lips. His hands were still gripping the black-haired man's hips, careful not to break the pale skin. “I had no experience with it so I wanted to gain it.”

His eyes examined the other man's naked body, beautifully ripped and perfect to run his fingers over and to taste the familiar sweetness.

“Fuck me, Hoseok.”

The other man's intense gaze returned to his face before Hoseok pulled him up and lifted his body in the air, walking towards the bedroom right after.

“I will, but first I want you to sit on my face.” 

Hyungwon let himself be carried, a little angry at himself for not pulling through with the main reason for starting the conversation. Namely the mass of unfamiliar objects that Hoseok kept spreading over his house in a thick layer as if they were necessary.

_ And because you can't concentrate when he's around. _

“Fine, whatever that means,” Hyungwon remarked and bit into a muscular shoulder, licking over the two small red marks he left, tasting how sweet Hoseok was. He had to stay aware to not hurt the beautiful human beyond what was necessary.

Hoseok was already breathing heavily although Hyungwon’s lips weren't around his beautiful erection anymore. Something must have been happening in Hoseok's head that resulted in immediate arousal.

_ Are thoughts arousing? Maybe it is not about what they see when you dance but what they imagine.  _

Crawling on top of the bed, the beautiful, black-haired man slid his gaze over Hyungwon's body that was placed on top of his delicious thighs.

“Come here and let me taste you.” Hoseok's low voice accompanied the gesture of beckoning that the other man performed with his isolated index finger.

_ Since when do you act on the beckoning of others. _

The thought was meaningless as the wish to be close to the other man was stronger. Hyungwon smiled at the soon-to-come connection between them and moved closer, licking over the spot that he had bitten before.

“You shouldn't provoke me too much,” he whispered before breaking the skin right next to it with his teeth, sucking at the spot. The way a small droplet of energy left Hoseok’s body was fascinating. “I might accidentally just eat you, you're fucking delicious, much more so than before.”   
  
“Am I masochistic, or why does that sound desirable to me?” The other man’s pale hands grabbed his hips and pulled him up without much effort, placing his ass just over the deliciously wet and curved lips. “But first, I’m going to eat you,” Hoseok breathed against his entrance and licked a stripe.

Hyungwon tried to contemplate on the literal meaning of sitting on someone's face but grabbed the headboard instead, digging his claws into it.

“You always distract me,” he growled and it was the truest sentence he had spoken that day. He kept his thighs as far apart as he could to not hurt the black-haired man and pushed towards the addicting sensation of a tongue inside of him.   
  
“That’s fine, get used to it,” Hoseok hissed back before pulling his hips towards his handsome face, tongue teasing and licking inside him, as if the other man was starving for months and he had been the most delicious meal ever.

_ It's similar, you feel the same. _

Hyungwon wanted more and made sure to let the beautiful human know, growling at him as he damaged the headboard further, claw marks covering the ancient wood.

“Your energy is everywhere, H-Hoseok. I can't get it out of my head. You- you don't understand what that's like,” he gasped, trying to bring his thoughts across while his body caught aflame like a piece of paper above a campfire.   
  
Hoseok just grabbed his hips tighter, speeding up his movements before he pulled him down a little more and closed the red, curved lips around his erection, sucking on it harshly.

Hyungwon growled and hit the wall, feeling the sudden pain pass through his hand until it faded away. The bead kept reacting to the energy Hoseok was giving him and the combination of energy and pleasure was driving him mad. It always did. 

“Fuck me,” he hissed, barely keeping himself from pulling at Hoseok’s hair to make him act according to his words. He wanted to take over, to ride him and create the cycle.   
  
The other man let him go and grinned at him, lips a blood red colour and cheeks covered in beautiful pink.   
  
“Feel free.”

_ He knows.  _

Hyungwon slipped down and closed the distance between their mouths, licking between the warm lips while keeping his hands away. 

_ You need enough self control to not have to restrain yourself.  _

He licked over his lips and curled one hand around Hoseok’s erection, giving it a few strokes. Hyungwon didn't really care about pain but holding too tight was uncomfortable for the black-haired man so he spit on top of the slightly darker tip, spreading it with his fingers.

_ He has the liquid. _

Hyungwon frowned at the time lubrication wasted and opened the drawer that Hoseok had filled with various tubes, taking one out and pouring the transparent liquid on top of Hoseok’s erection. A few strokes were perfectly sufficient to feel how easy the slide was.

Not hesitating any longer he crawled properly on top of the muscular thighs and lined up. A glance at the dark brown eyes was enough of a sanity check before he sank down, thighs touching and pleasure spiking up. 

“Fuck,” he cursed and grabbed Hoseok’s shoulders before immediately letting go again, holding onto his own thighs instead, leaving thin red lines.   
  
“Do you really have difficulty controlling yourself with me? I love it when you scratch or bite me, but I also kinda don’t want to die from it, it’s a pity,” Hoseok exhaled sharply, twitching repeatedly. The other man must’ve loved to be inside him.

_ Maybe you can try.  _

Hyungwon bit his lip and instead of picking up the pace and slamming his hips against Hoseok’s he let the thick erection slowly move out of him before he moved back down, pleasure increasing and sending a few sparks through him. He moaned and retracted his claws, taking them out of his thighs and stroking over the smooth, pale skin of Hoseok’s chest. It felt nice, cool compared to his own temperature. 

“I'll try,” he breathed out, eyes closed and focused on the position of his limbs and the strength he used. His fingers travelled further, caressing the beautiful face and over the curved mouth, index finger dipping between the soft lips a little bit. ”Fuck.”

The pleasure was slow and didn't resemble the explosion he was looking for but he was more aware of it. The small, sensual touches added to the feeling of fire in his groin and sent warmth through his veins.    
  
Hoseok closed his lips around his index finger, sucking on it and tracing the form with his wet tongue. The other man’s hands went to his hips and he rolled them in a different angle, thrusting up into his movement.

Hyungwon moaned at the way it felt, pushing down a little harsher. He enjoyed the wet sensation and the fact that he wasn't hurting the gorgeous human under him. It felt closer somehow, like he knew exactly who he was with.

_ The one human that you have feelings for. _

His eyes opened to see how Hoseok reacted, whether he was enjoying it just as much. Small drops of life force were moving between them, beginning to integrate into a cycle with how both of them invested into the pleasure of the other.   
  
The other man’s dark-brown eyes were staring at him, a potent mixture of arousal and affection apparent in the way Hoseok never lost focus, nibbling on his finger when he felt overwhelmed.   
  
“Fuck, you’re so intense, you make me forget everything around me.”

Hyungwon licked over his lips, feeling how they felt dry from the harsh breaths that left his mouth repeatedly. His body was only increasing its temperature the faster he moved up and down on the beautiful man's erection. There had to be a way to be rough without endangering Hoseok.

_ There is.  _

“I'll speed up the way I like. Bite me if I hurt you,” Hyungwon gasped and added his middle finger to the one digit between Hoseok’s lips, enjoying the wet sensation. His hips rose enough to let the thick tip almost leave him completely before he sank down roughly. He repeated the motion, speeding up more and more with each time. 

His senses blurred with increasing pleasure and took the awareness of his strength. His free hand moved over the pale skin, scratching along it without breaking it before curling around a muscular shoulder for support. Hyungwon absolutely loved touching the other man, feeling the cool skin and the pleasure that the contact was able to evoke in him. 

His eyes were open wide as he watched the way their life forces mingled, bright blue of Hoseok’s and various shades of his own, almost white one, melting together and engulfing them both. It was absolutely surreal and the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.   
  
“Shit, this is beautiful,” Hoseok whispered before taking his fingers back into his cool mouth. The other man’s pale hands stroked over his thighs, leaving red lines which disappeared after a couple of seconds whereas the feeling stayed.

“Scratch me more,” Hyungwon panted, slamming down and feeling how the sensation in his groin pulled together just like the bead in his chest began burning. “I'm close.”   
  
Hoseok didn't comply, instead the other man lifted his upper body and went directly for his neck while pushing his slim hips further onto his lap. The sensation of teeth sinking into his skin sent a shiver down his spine.

Hoseok was rough.

Hyungwon loved every second of it, pain and pleasure taking away his perception of time, just leaving him and the other man.

“Fuck, don't stop,” he moaned and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pulling him closer and sinking his hands into his hair, pulling it roughly. The prickling pain kept him aware enough to not hurt the gorgeous human. Hoseok left marks on his neck and shoulders, combining the different angle with the slight pain.   
  
Suddenly Hoseok crawled down while taking his body along, before the muscular man stood up, holding his body tight around himself and pressed him against one of the walls.   
  
“You have no idea, how much I want you,” Hoseok groaned against his skin before biting into his shoulder painfully. There was a huge concentration of energy between them, more than usual, it was simply mental. And beautiful.

“Our connection tells me that the desire is mutual,“ Hyungwon whispered and couldn't take his eyes away from the mesmerizing blue that surrounded both of them. It was as if they belonged to a single entity, sharing the life force. The short burn in his shoulder disappeared almost immediately but it was long enough to scratch lightly over the pale skin. The thin lines were beautiful on the white colour, much more so than blood was. “I'm not sure I'll ever get enough of this, Hoseok.”   
  
“It’ll stop, but I will enjoy every second of it.” Hoseok’s low voice sounded serious while his brown eyes focused on Hyungwon’s mismatched ones. A short smile followed and the other man’s beautiful lips caught his in an intense kiss, right before Hoseok moved out almost completely and slid back in faster, rolling his hips smoothly and penetrating the spot.

Hyungwon screamed as his head hit the wall, impact hard enough to blur his vision and force him to stop breathing. His hands tightened on the pale shoulders but still didn't break the skin, only leaving bright red lines. 

His body burned like firework, each additional sensation like a new explosion, painting the black sky in colour.

He didn't want to let it go. 

“You drive me mad, Hoseok. I'm not like myself with you,” Hyungwon whispered and tried to meet the motions, tingling spreading out like the blood in his veins. “I want it to be like this forever.”   
  
“I’ll try to make the limited time worth it,” Hoseok muttered while his pale hands tightened around his hips. “You have to touch yourself, because I have to hold you. I’m going all out, ok?”

Nodding furiously Hyungwon pressed his claws into his own palm and tightened his hold around the firm neck. His other hand slid between their bodies, curling around his erection and giving it a few strokes, fitting to the rhythm of Hoseok’s motions. He was absolutely unable to close his eyes, watching the bright blue and how each small motion of the energy fit with the pleasure he felt. 

_ You want this to stay forever. _

Hoseok started moving, low moans filled the acoustic space just like the sounds of wet skin clashing. Picking up pace, Hoseok slammed his hips into him and his breathing pattern became irregular, a sign that the other man was close, just like the blue ball of energy that slowly isolated  itself from the other man's body to contribute to the connection.

Hyungwon screamed as his vision blurred and he barely made out the borders between their bodies. But he didn't have to because they were connected, each feeling doubling because it came from both sides, his and Hoseok’s. Biting down on his lower lip he sped up the motions of his hand, bringing himself closer to orgasm and thereby to the explosion of energy that awaited him. 

“Come for me,” he whispered into the beautiful man's ear, yearning for the connection to melt in front of his eyes.

Hoseok sped up even more, before it seemed as if every single muscle in the pale body tensed and the other man orgasmed, twitching inside him repeatedly, just as the blue exploded like a firework, pouring down on them like beautiful cyan-blue crystal rain. The feeling alone was sufficient to send him over the edge, he didn't even need the additional stimulation. Burying his claws in his palms he kissed the beautiful human and tightened their embrace.    
  
It felt intimate and overwhelmingly beautiful, both of their bodies covered in beautiful blue crystals that integrated into their bodies and Hyungwon couldn’t point out what of the bright energy had been his and what was Hoseok’s. 

They were one.  
**  
** Breathing rapidly he placed more kisses on the other man's sweaty forehead and each mouth corner, finishing with the tip of his nose.

Hoseok was completely out of breath, but still managed to carry him back to the bed and let himself fall down on top of the sheets.

“Holy fuck, it was like an explosion. I'm always so ambivalent with you. On the one hand, I feel like it'd be fine to just die, because it's a peak of intensive feelings, but on the other hand I want more.”

_ He wants to die at the intensity of the feelings. Like Faust. _ **  
**

“I don't understand that,” Hyungwon commented and grabbed a few tissues from the side. Usually he used them to wipe away blood but they were equally useful for other bodily fluids. Wiping over his stomach and thighs, he did the same with Hoseok. There was a little bit of his blood on the other man's shoulders from the way Hyungwon bruised his own palm but it wasn't much, not enough to bother with. “It's like Faust. Isn't it stupid to wish for death at the most intense moment? In the play he wishes for the same. He agrees to get his wishes fulfilled with the condition that he will suffer for eternity in hell afterwards. Isn't that stupid?”   
  
Hoseok shifted and grabbed a couple of tissues himself, wiping over Hyungwon’s thighs and stomach some more. The other man appeared to be more thorough than him.   
  
“I really like Faust. I mean not the character itself, but the play. It’s a tragedy, so of course it simply sucks in the end, crumbling under a mass of counterproductive decisions. But his problem is a very human one. The doc is depressed and he wants to die, he has the feeling that he won’t lose anything if he agrees to the deal with the devil. What he doesn’t think about is the fact that he might change his attitude. Also it’s hard to say what the height is, am I right? It’s only something you can determine over a certain amount of time. This month I was the happiest when the gorgeous Gumiho finally admitted that he loved me, for example.” Hoseok’s pale cheeks moved towards his big, brown eyes as the beautiful man grinned.

_ He is happiest because you admitted to feelings that were there even before you uttered the words? _

“But the emotions were there way before I told you. Why would saying them make such a big difference? Furthermore Faust is an idiot for thinking that an eternity of anything would be worth what the devil can give him. Nothing is good for eternity, not even pleasure,” Hyungwon commented and glanced over to where he had left the old book, peacefully lying on his bedside table.

_ How could you forget? Everything becomes bland with time. _

“You don’t like eternity, do you?” It was quiet in the room, only the sounds of Hoseok’s breaths and the question he had asked stayed, as if caught in between the somehow incredibly heavy walls.

_ It isn’t that simple. _

“It’s more complicated than that. I can’t really like or dislike it because it is a part of me. Just like with life. There are good and bad things about it, aspects that I enjoy and aspects that are rather pressuring. I cannot give a conclusion that makes it good or bad.” Hyungwon sighed at the constant wish of humans to categorize things. “Why is it always necessary to say if something is good or bad? The decision will never be made based on one factor alone anyway.”   
  
Hoseok shook his head slowly, keeping his eyes closed, before focusing them on Hyungwon’s form again.   
  
“It’s about perspective, Hyungwon. I’ll give you an example, when I’m all by myself and working at the hospital and stitching up wounds, I feel no pressure or negative feelings about the fact that my death will come sooner or later, just striking me down as if I’m nothing. Because it’s simply a part of my life, the realization that there will be no me someday and that this day could also be coming tomorrow. But then-” The other man sucked in a long breath that didn’t seem to be due to lack of oxygen. “But then I’m here with you and the same realization is still here with me. But I hate it.”

_ In some moments life is pleasant and in some it isn’t? _

“So you mean that you are never able to see the whole picture? You are never aware of the negative moments when you enjoy living and never of the positive ones when you hate it? Is this the reason for suicide? I never really understood it.” Hyungwon reached out and stroked along the black-haired man’s naked legs, enjoying the way the pale skin felt under his fingertips. “So when you are with me you begin to mind the fact that you will die eventually, whereas you do not in general when there is nothing enjoyable happening to you?”   
  
“No. It’s more complex. Actually, I have the awareness that I will die mostly during the moments I’m especially happy. If I’m sad or down I just try to find a solution for it, to keep moving, to change, to improve. I can’t stay miserable for too long without doing anything. But when I’m happy it creates so many thoughts. I know that I will die, shouldn’t I cherish this moment? This will end eventually, so you should give your best to make the best out of it? That’s what I’m asking myself. But then again, I think about you. Are you happy? Is it really worth it? Will you care later? When I’m gone? Or will it just be something that time can wash over? Why am I even thinking about this, when I’m happy? It’s a struggle, really.” Hoseok sighed and closed his eyes while his straight teeth sunk into the curved bottom lip.

_ He cares more about others than himself. You could never relate to that. _

“You- you are very altruistic, Hoseok. Concerned with other people’s feelings and emotions instead of mainly occupying yourself with your own. That is one of the things that fascinated me so much about you. You didn’t even know me but kept worrying about my health, trying to find out more although it was due to my Gumiho blood.” Hyungwon continued the light touch, stroking a little further up and drawing patterns on Hoseok’s abdomen, small circles and other patterns, whatever came to mind. “So happiness makes you realize what you have and creates the fear of losing it. Maybe I can understand that a little bit. After all I am worried about losing you, now that I have you so close and the loneliness is broken. Are you worried that my time with you will be meaningless later or that I will not be able to forget?”   
  
Hoseok crawled up a little higher and leaned his head against the headboard. Pulling Hyungwon into his arms, he started drawing along his body with light touches.   
  
“I really don’t like fear and those thoughts that you might forget me, I-” The change in his breathing pattern showed that Hoseok was obviously uncomfortable talking about it. “They shouldn’t even be there because actually the problem is that I want to give you everything and more, making it intense and unforgettable, shower you in affection and make you feel loved and breaking the illusion that you are alone, but I also have to make you be able to be fine after I die. To know that you don’t have to be alone, that it’s fine even if I’m not there, maybe even to give a chance to another person who can love you.” The voice was so full of emotions that it was hard to take.

Hyungwon reached out, cupped the beautiful face and moved closer, watching the way the dark brown eyes quivered.

“How can you be so selfless, Hoseok? I want to see you happy and I feel wrenching pain in my chest when you are not, but still I am worried about the fact that you will leave eventually. Because you are a human and humans die.” He sighed and pressed a warm kiss to the cool lips, feeling calm despite the small spark of energy that left him and joined the beautiful silhouette around the black-haired man. “Still I think about what will happen to me, because eternity does not care about our wishes. It will continue and either it will decide to wash away the marks or it will remind me of them, not allowing me to lock them away like I do with everything else.”   
  
Hoseok kissed back, giving him even more of the bright blue that surrounded his pale but muscular body.    
  
“I’m not selfless. I just love you, it’s not only fun but also responsibility. I came for you and I was persistent, finding you although you didn’t want to see me, reminding and provoking you until you cracked. Do you think it was selfless? It wasn’t. But I still want you, although you might hurt me and I might hurt you and despite this whole thing being giant fuckery with no proper solution. Still.” The other man swallowed and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

“I want this,” Hyungwon whispered even before he was able to contemplate the words, check them for whether they were true. His mind knew even without thinking about them. There weren’t many things that he genuinely wanted to accompany him through eternity apart from life force and the memories he had accumulated, but Hoseok was definitely one of those things. “I want you with me.” He curled his arms around the black-haired man’s body and attached his lips to the other’s neck, sucking the pale skin into his mouth.

“But I still have a question. Humans keep wishing to have knowledge, to have awareness of what is to come, but do they really want it? Wouldn’t it be better for them to never know that they are going to die instead of knowing for sure? Are you happy that you know you will die, or would you prefer to remain oblivious?” It seemed like not having the knowledge would have been more peaceful. It would enable him to be with Hoseok without the constant fear of losing him, only having to deal with it once it occured.   
  
The other man chuckled and pulled him further into his embrace, intertwining their legs in the process. 

They were so close.   
  
“No. I’m really thankful that I know, that it accompanies me and that it’s always in my head no matter what I do. When I had cancer I was often very happy about things that weren’t special at all. Just because I knew that I was dying. The decisions I made, the thoughts I thought and the way I perceived my surroundings, all of those were influenced by the knowledge of my own mortality. Just like now, I’m lying here with you and I can’t help but think about the fact that this will end, it’s sad, but I’m also so incredibly happy that I’m able to be here with you, to feel all of this before I’m gone.”

_ But it is also pressuring. You have eternity so the knowledge doesn’t change anything for you. _

“I think I disagree. To be honest it seems like a burden to know, like something that taints my experiences and remains in the back of my head although I could be living peacefully and obliviously. I have eternity so death does not matter to me. I don’t worry about making valuable decisions or doing the best with my time. There is no need to, but with you it suddenly matters.” Hyungwon sighed and lay down on top of Hoseok’s shoulder, listening to the steady, slow heartbeat. “I keep wondering when it will stop beating and you will suddenly disappear and how I am supposed to change my ways to make all of this worth it for you. I don’t know.”   
  
“I think you’re not quite honest with me. If you were oblivious you wouldn’t have left, wouldn’t have tried to push me away, to not hurt me, all those things. There must be something similar for you. You must’ve experienced something after which you had realized that it could hurt you. What was it?”

_ You aren’t oblivious, but you would like to be. _

“That you could hurt me?” Hyungwon asked carefully and lifted his head, staring into the dark brown eyes he got so familiar with.  
  
“You must’ve known what it means if you get close. It’s experience-based, something that had happened must’ve left the aversion to not let it happen anymore. Did someone hurt you before, Hyungwon?” Hoseok asked and stroked over his pink hair carefully.

An unpleasant sensation moved over Hyungwon’s legs and all the way to his fingertips, claws sliding out almost involuntarily. He barely managed to put enough distance between Hoseok’s sensitive skin and his hands, breathing heavily as he attempted to trace back the reaction.

_ Memories. You avoid them. _

“T-there was something, but I lock it away,” he mumbled and closed his eyes, focusing on the sweet scent of Hoseok’s body instead of the images that filled his head. A knife, blood, pain, wide eyes and lips curved up in disgust. The sensation stayed just as a burn returned to the chest, as if his memory could reconstruct everything perfectly, pushing him into the same situation he had experienced and replaying it.

_ Get a grip. _

There was a reason for locking away his memories. He only allowed them to fill his head once in a while, when he needed to understand something, to make a decision that protected him. He fought the images, curling his hands into fists as he liked doing and distracting himself with the pain that filled his senses, sharp and followed by the warm sensation of something running down his arms. It was all better than the images.   
  
“It must’ve hurt a lot,” Hoseok whispered and closed his fingers around the blood stained wrist, pulling it up to his face and placing kisses along the stained skin. “I’m so sorry, Hyungwon, I know nothing, but I still feel like crying.”

His eyes opened immediately and settled on the pretty face, emotions clear as day and curved lips leaving barely traceable touches on his bloody hands.

“Why would you be sorry?” he whispered and kept his eyes opened, only allowing Hoseok to appear in his vision. “It wasn’t your fault. Not all humans are like you.”   
  
“It’s not relevant for me who it was, the only thing that matters is that you were hurt. And that you still are. And that I really want to make it better somehow, but I don’t even know what happened to you and I’m too afraid to pull it out of you because it might make you even more miserable. I’m so sorry, shit.” There were tears. It didn’t make sense.

Hyungwon blinked in shock at the tainted life force that left the other man’s body with the help of the salty liquid that ran down the pale face. It was absolutely incomprehensible. There was nothing that could have hinted at how Hyungwon had been treated in the past and still the human in his arms reacted so strongly, crying and tainting his own life force with negative emotions because of that.

“Shit, don’t cry, Hoseok. I’m fine. It’s all safely locked away. I don’t touch it and don’t remember it unless I want to,” he whispered and pressed the upset human to his chest, stroking over the black hair and hoping that it would make it better. He couldn’t bare to see Hoseok cry. “Don’t taint your life force like that. It’s precious. If you wish I can show you, but please don’t cry.”   
  
“You keep things that hurt you? Is that the reason why you wanted to have the diary?” Hoseok lifted his gaze and looked at him in question. The black-haired man was crying silently, there were no other signs besides the presence of tears. He looked beautiful.

Hyungwon placed a soft kiss against one of the drops that collected on the bottom eyelid of the black-haired man before answering.

“Yes, it is how I remove memories that I do not wish to keep with me at all times. I connect them to the object and lock it away. I wanted to have your diary to associate my experiences with you with the diary and lock it away just like I did with everything else.” He sighed at the thought of his collection. “The amount of experiences I have is endless and despite time passing I do not seem to be able to forget. Details still remain in all their vividness so I lock the memory away instead.”  
  
“That must have been the reason for you trying to push me away. Why didn’t you? You should have if it’s so painful for you,” Hoseok whispered against his cheek before kissing the moist spot right after.

“I-” Hyungwon wasn’t quite sure how to answer the question. It hadn’t been for lack of trying. “There was something different about you, you didn’t change your mind once you saw my real form, you even kissed me on your own, moving towards your death although the kiss could have been your last. You just didn’t make sense at all and I kept getting curious. I constantly expected you to change your mind and detest me, to see me as disgusting for living off the life force of others, taking it away from them because I don’t have my own. But- but you just didn’t.”   
  
“Humans think it’s fine to use any other life form for the satisfaction of their basic and not so basic needs, so why shouldn’t there be another life form that uses humans? It might be scary for someone who is afraid to die, but it wasn’t for me because I wasn’t scared. I also never thought that you would kill somebody for fun or anything similar. You just don’t seem like it. You’re not disgusting, you’re different and it’s so incredibly beautiful that I can’t help feeling thankful every second that I can look into your mesmerizing eyes. It’s simply intense, I still can’t believe that you want to be with me. In the positive and in the negative sense.” Hoseok’s expression turned serious and the tears stopped rolling down his beautiful, pale cheeks, although the dark-brown eyes still kept the spark from wetness.

A sensation that he didn’t know appeared on his face, like a slight burning of the eyes that remained, accompanied by a sharp pain in his chest.

“I have killed before,” Hyungwon whispered, not sure if it would change the black-haired man’s mind but hoping that it wouldn’t. He didn't want him to think less of him because of something he had done it the past. It had been easier and safer before. “I don’t anymore but I have. And not only for protection.”

_ You killed for energy. _   


“I know. I saw it in your eyes when you tried to take my energy. But then again, I have no idea what you’ve been through, you lived for a long time. I’m just happy that giving you my life force voluntarily had an effect. But I still have no idea what to expect from you.” The pale fingers tightened around his shoulder for a second, but long enough for Hyungwon to notice the change.

_ He wants to know what to expect from you? Isn’t it obvious at this point? _

“Isn’t it clear to you yet?” he asked and rested his head on the muscular shoulder again, keeping them as close as possible without sharing life force. “I will take you with me.”   
  
“Mhm, but you also said that you would stay with me and then you left without saying anything so there’s a pretty high possibility that you will do the same again.” The other man’s body tensed at the spoken words.

_ He doesn’t understand. _

“The situations aren’t comparable, Hoseok. Before I thought that I might accidentally kill you just by touching you and the thought terrified me. I was convinced that you would be better off after getting over your feelings and finding someone human, someone appropriate for you. The thought hadn’t been immediate, it was just a thought, but when Changkyun came to my house and confronted me I had to act. I was afraid that you would be able to make me stay, so I didn’t say goodbye.” Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip, burying his head in Hoseok’s shoulder and tensing his muscles at the thoughts that had been going through his head at that time. Everything was so impossibly vivid, every motion, every step and every bit of energy that he had taken to make the people around him forget about him. “I couldn’t take your memories so I left like that, only keeping mine for myself.”

“What's different about now?” The black- haired man in his arms pulled him closer and lifted his chin.

“I can learn not to hurt you. I know what this means to you, that you are happy with me despite what I am. I believed that you would be better off with another human, but I am not so sure anymore.” Hyungwon inhaled deeply to bear the unfamiliar feeling in his chest, similar to what he already defined as love and something else, a kind of worry maybe. “You are willing to move with me, to stay with me for a few years in one place and then move to another for the rest of your life, giving up a lot of things that are dear to you. It is way beyond what I imagined and no matter what I could possibly say against you staying with me, none of it is strong enough to keep you away. You belong with me now.”

Lifting his head he smiled and placed a soft kiss against the curved mouth, reliving all the other instances in which he had done the exact same thing, memories fresh and remaining inside his head to treasure.

“The difference is that I know that I love you now.”

 

***

 

Hoseok walked from one antique piece of furniture to the next, studying the precious objects and books standing on the ancient shelves and reminding him of the differences between him and the actual owner of the house he was living in.

  
_ You know nothing about him, Hoseok. You don’t know him and you probably never will during your lifetime. _ __  
__  
There was no trust. He loved Hyungwon more than he ever loved anything in his life, but he didn’t trust him. How, if there was no common definition of how Hoseok and him had to behave towards each other? There was just him with his own human expectations and the Gumiho who was living off of human lifeforce, suddenly agreeing to be in a relationship with it’s food.    
  
_ You’re food. _ __  
__  
But then Hoseok also didn’t know what was worse, the fact that Hyungwon was unpredictable, could leave him all of a sudden, not care about him and his human existence, or the fact that Hoseok started acting as if he knew how much time he had left.   
  
_ What if it comes back? You’ll just die and he’ll be watching. You asshole. _ __  
__  
He was so obsessed with getting Hyungwon back that he had forgotten the reason for not building up relationships with anyone. He had also forgotten to go to his last cancer check up.   
  
_ You will hurt them. There will be nothing but pain, Hoseok. _ __  
__  
There was something that he envied Hyungwon for. The ability to take other people’s memories and make them forget. He would have loved to make his mother and Changkyun forget everything. To live a nice life without being forced to feel scared and overwhelmed at the possibility that he might die.   
  
_ What makes you think that you will be able to give him anything else but pain?  _ __  
__  
His lungs clenched at the memory of Hyungwon hurting himself just from the memories alone. Memories the Gumiho had locked away but which were so easily revived just by Hoseok’s question. Hyungwon was not able to forget. He was a con-artist for others and for himself.   
  
_ That’s why he keeps asking you why you are so sure that he will not be hurt, that it won’t stay for eternity, sand grain turning into a sharp splinter that got stuck inside the sensitive skin, not removable and burning as soon as he moved. _ __  
__  
Hyungwon should’ve come home an hour ago, but didn’t. He felt how the blood started freezing inside his veins at the possible reasons.   
  
_ Leaving you behind for example. _ __  
__  
He jumped from the brown leather chair and ran over to his shoes, slipping inside quickly and leaving the big house right after. The cab took twenty minutes to the club and he ran inside, searching for the familiar figure that wasn’t on the stage. After looking around for a couple of minutes he recognized the young girl he was paying for Hyungwon’s private dances, so he closed the distance, asking her about the pink-haired man in english, as she was able to speak it. The only one in the whole club.   
  
“He’s having a customer right now. Please come tomorrow,” the girl answered quickly and disappeared in the crowd.   
  
_ He’s in the room. The room he has sex in. _ __  
__  
Hoseok didn’t know whether it had been the adrenaline from the thoughts of Hyungwon leaving him, or the fact that the pink-haired man had been with another person, but his feet simply moved in the direction of the small room where he had felt the most intense pain in his life. The door was closed but he pushed the handle and looked through the door crack.   
  
Hyungwon sat on the edge of the bed and was watching a caucasian-looking, middle-aged man, who was lying naked on the bed. The unfamiliar person was moaning, eyes half closed and arms curled around something that wasn’t there. Suddenly the pain returned and he held his breath, hand slipping off the dirty handle and falling down to his side. His stomach burned like fire and both lungs clenched around a pile of sharp metal needles. He sunk to the ground trying to get up, but he couldn’t keep his eyes away from Hyungwon, hereby increasing the pain.   
  
_ Why are you reacting like this, if this illusion is not even for you? _ __  
__  
He had no time to think about it as the suffering got worse. It felt as if the needles from inside his lungs travelling through his veins, stabbing and piercing his insides repeatedly, he tried breathing in but coughed instead, holding his hand in front of his mouth to not say anything.

There was blood.   
  
_ Shit, it’s physical Hoseok. You react physically, get the fuck out. _ __  
__  
He removed his gaze and crawled to the side coughing more and trying to ignore the stabbing pain still immobilizing his limbs.

Suddenly the sensation disappeared just like the pain, relief absolutely overwhelming and almost taking his consciousness with how unexpectedly it hit him. 

He could hear shifting in the room he had been watching until the door opened with a creaking noise and his gaze  stopped at naked feet, slim with long toes. 

“Why are you here, Hoseok?” the familiar low voice asked. Hoseok’s vision blurred as the pink-haired man suddenly dropped to his knees and grabbed his face, turning it towards himself. “What the hell happened, Hoseok? Shit, you're bleeding, and your energy- what happened?”   
  
“I couldn’t stop watching you and I guess my body didn’t like it,” he answered and coughed again, tiny blood drops covering his hand at the action. “It’s fine, I’m going home.” He tried to get up on his feet, but it hurt so much that he fell back to the floor.   
  
_ Why are you always showing him how mortal you are? _

Hyungwon didn't reply as he got up and pulled Hoseok with him, one arm curled around his waist. Not hesitating for even a second the pink-haired being grabbed his chin with his free hand and tilted it such that he could kiss him. The touch was light and accompanied by warmth travelling through his chest, making the pain fade a little bit.   
  
_ This sucks, Hoseok. _ __  
__  
His eyes burned and the first tear rolled down. He felt so incredibly helpless, helpless for watching Hyungwon be with another human, even if he didn’t really touch him, helpless for bleeding and being in pain just from watching the whole thing and especially helpless for having the pink-haired man take care of him, like some-.   
  
__ Some patient.

The bright brown eyes widened and Hyungwon allowed their lips to part, shock obvious.

“What- what's happening to you? Why are you crying? Have I done something?” It was obvious that the Gumiho couldn't understand, merely stroking over his face repeatedly. One of the stripper girls was walking in their direction until she suddenly turned back around and disappeared around the corner.   
  
“I- I’m sorry, I’ll wait for you at home.” He inhaled deeply and slipped past the beautiful pink-haired being, walking towards the exit and hoping that he wouldn’t faint on the way.

“I'll come with you,” Hyungwon called after him and easily pulled him back by the wrist. “Would you wait for me?”   
  
Hoseok didn’t even know why he went there in the first place. Even if Hyungwon had decided to leave, there wouldn’t have been a chance for him to interfere in that. Just like the last time.   
  
“It’s fine, you can work, I think I’m creating more problems if I’m here.”

The pink-haired man pursed his lips at the comment and tightened his grip around his wrist, as if he knew that Hoseok had wanted to escape.

“But I am done working, I just need to change. What happened that you wish to run away from me? Am I suddenly scary? Is that it?” Hoseok hadn't seen it before, not in the slightest, but something about Hyungwon's facial expressions looked hurt, teeth chewing on the full lower lip.   
  
_ You’re panicking, you have no trust, you’re getting hurt only for him to pick you back up and you hurt him. This is simply amazing. _ __  
__  
Hoseok couldn’t help another cough that he caught by pressing his underarm against his mouth, before he turned around to face Hyungwon.   
  
“You’re not scary. I just feel dumb for coming here,” he whispered and bit down on his bloody lip.

Hyungwon pulled him closer again, staring at him intently as if he tried to figure something out from his expressions alone.

“Why did you? Did you want to see me?” the low voice asked as heat slowly surrounded his waist.   
  
“I thought you left.” The words made almost no sound as he spoke them, surrounded by the loud background noises in the crowded club.

“But-" Hyungwon seemed genuinely shocked at the utterance, pupils widening just like the big eyes as a whole. It took a few seconds until the expression of wonder was wiped from the handsome face. “But I told you that I wouldn't. You even live with me. I wouldn't leave just like that. I take everything with me, how could I have left if you were there? This doesn't make any sense, Hoseok.”   
  
_ Fear never makes any sense. It’s just there, it appears out of nowhere and makes your life hell. _ __  
__  
“I guess I’m getting weak, now that you’re with me,” Hoseok muttered and chuckled at himself. It felt weird to be scared again. He felt so incredibly weak and helpless and he hated it.

“How far? You begin to regret?” Hyungwon stroked over the back of his head softly, long fingers sliding into the black strands of his hair. “Do you fear that it will be over now that you finally have it?”   
  
“I told you, I never regret. I just don’t know you, I don’t know what will happen, I don’t have trust, I don’t like you being with other humans, I’m just weak as fuck and I hate it so much I want the ground to fucking swallow me already.” Hoseok couldn’t stop the outburst, coughing again as a consequence, voice rough and taste of blood still present on his tongue.

“So after all the effort you put in and all the words of yours that kept telling me you will stay with me until your death you suddenly decided you'd rather just die now? Let the ground swallow you up?” Hyungwon watched him intently, expression difficult to read. “You don't trust me? Funny, because out of all humans I have ever interacted with I trust you the most, even though you break into my apartment and confront me all the time. Why do you feel weak? What exactly is it?”   
  
“Maybe because you were always the one to decide. Decide to get my life force, to be close to me, or to leave me behind, not caring what it meant for me, pushing me away and then deciding to take me. I can’t even get by without you having to take care of me as if I’m some kind of patient, only because my body reacts like this to you. But I still fucking want you and I’m scared, I don’t even know how much time I have, Hyungwon.” He stared into the beautiful eyes resembling amber with the bright brown colour. Something inside him was boiling, an internal fight that didn’t seem to stop as if there wasn’t supposed to be a winner in the first place. He really didn’t want to cry so he inhaled once again and closed his eyes.

“You're wrong,” Hyungwon whispered and pressed him closer, barely keeping any space between them as nobody dared to interrupt them,  disappearing as soon as they appeared. “I might have wanted to make decisions but you're the one who pulled through in the end. You're the one who kissed me, giving me your life force and thereby saving yourself. You're the one who convinced me to be close, found me when I tried to forget and finally made me stay with you, understanding that it's what I wanted in the first place. What makes you think that I'm the one deciding? Until now I have always been the one following along in the end, unable to resist. You're not weak, Hoseok. The people around us are weak, unable to resist the energy I surrounded us with to keep them away. But you sure as fuck aren't.”   
  
“Do you think I will be able to give you anything else but pain?” Hoseok finally asked, biting down on his lip and tasting more blood. 

“You already are, oblivious human,” Hyungwon remarked with a chuckle and placed a hot kiss against his lips, again filling him with warmth just like the last time. “You give me a connection,  knowledge, experiences, happiness that goes beyond what I have known until now. I could continue, but then my strength might run out simply from keeping our conversation private.” The smile that spread the full lips was genuine, not the smirk that the pink-haired being usually graced him with.   
  
“Let’s go home.” Hoseok pulled the other man by the thin wrist, feeling a little more stable on his feet after the insane amount of pain.   
  
_ What if he will also feel like this when you’re gone? _ __  
__  
Hoseok didn’t want that, but he also didn’t want to part.   
  
Because he was weak. __  
__  
_   
  
  
“Can’t you just take energy from me, instead of those old men?” Hoseok sat on the floor in front of a book on south Chinese ancient medicine that must’ve been written ages ago. He didn’t know Chinese, but he was simply mesmerized by the small drawings of tools and herbs that the people back then must’ve used to cure all kinds of things. Or attempt to cure, that is.

Hyungwon had been in the middle of cleaning along the large golden frame of a painting, one that he appeared to be particularly fond of. The question seemed to catch him off guard as his hand slipped and he almost scratched the surface of the paint with his claws, cursing loudly and throwing Hoseok a look that could probably kill if the Gumiho would want it to. 

“But I need a lot of energy for all the things that I do and if I take it only from you your life will consist of my lips and sleep only.” The handsome being lifted an eyebrow and returned to the bright painting. It was the same one that the unfamiliar red-haired man had talked about during his short and unexpected visit. “That doesn't sound very fulfilling to me.”   
  
“Your lips and sleep? That’s honestly the best life ever,” Hoseok commented and closed the antique book. “I just don’t know how much time I have and I’m really jealous if you spend those minutes and seconds with some random dudes wanting to fuck an underage stripper. Those assholes.”

Hyungwon appeared to ponder on that, throwing the moist cloth to the ground and playing with his lower lip as he stared at the bright colours of the artwork in front of him. 

“So you feel like the time you could be spending with me is wasted on other humans?” the pink-haired being eventually asked and turned towards Hoseok, climbing down from the chair he had been standing on and sitting down on it instead. “But it's as if I would be upset at you going and eating a steak because the steak is stealing the time that you could be with me. Isn't that weird to you?”   
  
“The steak is a greedy little fucker,” Hoseok pouted and chuckled right after, brushing a hand through his black hair that had gotten even longer, covering most of his forehead. “I would say that you should come with me to eat the steak together, but I almost died yesterday, coughing up blood and all that buzz. I think my body really does react physically to you using the magic stuff.”

“The ‘magic stuff’?” the other man asked with a frown before he suddenly pointed at his chest with his long index finger. “Do you mean the energy from the bead? You were in pain when I used it on the old human?”   
  
He nodded, shivering just from the memory of the intense pain, still present as if it had been a couple of seconds ago.   
  
“I think it was the most intense pain I’ve ever felt, it feels like you inhale needles and they travel up your veins to your heart and down your stomach, stabbing your insides. Shit, I really didn’t want to be the patient again, but I had no choice. I really wasn’t able to get up.” The last words were almost a whisper. 

_ You still hate being weak. _ _  
_

Hyungwon's eyes widened the longer he spoke, fingers curling up into a fist instead of pointing at his chest like he had before. 

“I think you might react aversively to converted energy. It happens whenever I use life force for anything else apart from living, like beckoning, illusions, paralyzing and so on. But your reaction is just crazy.” Hyungwon shook his head slowly and stood up, crossing the room. “Would you- would you mind experimenting with illusions not directed towards you? You might not be in pain then, when I focus it.”   
  
_ He doesn’t understand this, does he? _ __  
__  
“Okay, but why would you think that I wouldn’t be in pain seeing how you fuck someone else? I might not cough blood, but I might just boil from the inside.” He huffed and turned around, putting the book back onto the shelf.

“But I don't fuck them, they just believe that they do whilst I take their energy. It's simple and I don't even need to kiss them. Because when we got close I learned that I can profit from orgasm so that's what I'm doing, just with illusions. I use the bead for that.” Again Hyungwon pointed at his chest.   
  
_ The bead is in his chest? _ __  
__  
“The bead, is it the thing that made me see blue light around people?” Hoseok asked and walked over to Hyungwon sitting down on the floor right across from him.

“Yes, when I put it into a human’s mouth it gives the human similar abilities to mine, feeling energy, enhanced senses and a mass of knowledge about the world. Usually humans consider it addicting but actually it sucks up their life force. A human could probably live longer with a bead, but once it's removed you die.” Hyungwon shrugged with his shoulders and sat down on the ground next to Hoseok, brushing through his pink hair.   
  
“You’re lucky that I already loved you back then. I had to fight like crazy to not push you away like my body wanted to, even after the bead was with me. And I’m happy about it, I think I was scared back then, you were able to make me scared, Hyungwon, I don’t know why.” He swallowed and leaned back a little, resting his weight on both arms.

“Scared to die?” Hyungwon whispered and reached out for his hand, hugging it in both of his palms. “You're mesmerising, Hoseok. It's as if something in your body is programmed to stay alive, rejecting everything that might take your life force unless you give it willingly.”   
  
“No. Not scared to die at all. I think back then when you tried to take it forcefully I felt like Faust. I thought that it’d be nice to die like this. I think if the cancer came back, I’d ask you to take it then.” He inhaled deeply and imagined dying through a kiss of the mesmerizing being that he loved with everything he had.    
  
_ It would be amazing. _

“I'm not sure I could, Hoseok,” Hyungwon replied and pulled him closer by the hand he was holding. “I don't kill anymore, not even after a request. I did enough of that during the second world war.” There was something heavy to the other man's words as he stroked over Hoseok’s skin and appeared in thought. 

“Hoseok, would you- would you like to see the bead? I think you're the only person that I trust enough to show it to.”   
  
_ He wants to show you? _ __  
__  
Hoseok couldn’t believe that the Gumiho trusted him so much that he was willing to show his own life force to him. A human.   
  
“Does it hurt you? If yes then I don’t want to see it,” he spat out quickly and focused his gaze on the beautiful heterochrome eyes, to see whether Hyungwon was about to lie.

The pink-haired man shook his head slowly. 

“It doesn't really hurt. It's more like something that slowly fades away. My senses reduce and I begin to feel it if I use my body a lot. It makes me a little weaker I guess.” Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip after uttering the words. “That's why I never show anybody. But like this you will be able to see what life force looks like, even as a human.”   
  
_ Maybe you should see his weakness too, Hoseok. _ __  
__  
He nodded slowly and waited for the other man to act.

Taking a deep breath the beautiful man closed his eyes and lifted a hand to his chest. The long fingers slowly made their way upwards over the collarbones to the throat. It seemed like they were following something. Once the skinny hand reached the round chin Hyungwon parted his lips with his index and middle finger. It was fascinating to see how something that resembled bright, fog-like light left the plump mouth, easily fitting into the other man's palm. 

The exhale that followed was shaky, lips trembling a little and long fingers curling around the almost white light. It wasn't as bright blue as what Hoseok had seen while the bead had been inside of him, but much lighter.

The large mismatched eyes opened slowly,  staring at him as Hyungwon breathed a little quicker than usual.   
  
Hoseok curled his fingers around Hyungwon’s other hand, intertwining their fingers and smiling at the beautiful being.   
  
“It’s beautiful.”  _  
_

“Pretty deadly, too,” the low voice murmured as Hyungwon glanced towards the bead, fingers not quite touching it. “It's basically what makes me a Gumiho. Without it I might just as well be a mixture of an arctic and a red fox.”   
  
“Is this what your energy looks like then? You told me mine is blue?” Hoseok felt how Hyungwon’s fingers lost their temperature little by little. He leaned in, placing a kiss on the warm lips, parting them with his tongue and licking inside the delicious mouth.

The beautiful being kissed back, moving a little closer while gasping between their lips. It was different somehow, with less strength and less urgency. Hyungwon was so incredibly beautiful, Hoseok closed his eyes and curled one hand around the thin neck, stroking over the golden skin and asking himself whether it felt different for the pink-haired being.

“It's so calm,” the other murmured suddenly, licking into Hoseok’s mouth, tasting him. “And addicting at the same time although there is no energy to take.”    
  
Hoseok intensified the kiss after tilting his head to have more access. He shifted such that he was even closer and pulled Hyungwon onto his lap. Curling both arms around the thin waist he licked over the other man’s earlobe and neck before he returned to his plump, red lips that didn’t feel that hot anymore.   
  
_ He’s getting cold. _

It was so easy to control Hyungwon's body, like the other had lost most of the strength he had resisted with before, only leaving the almost feather-like movements. A soft moan left the pink-haired being as he curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, bringing the bead in his right hand closer to Hoseok’s shoulder, hot compared to the man on top of him.   
  
Hyungwon seemed so vulnerable.   
  
_ Almost like you. _ __  
__  
He broke the kiss and stroked over the other man’s slightly warmer cheek.   
  
“Take it back. You’re getting cold,” Hoseok whispered against Hyungwon’s red lips.

“My body is just saving energy, nothing to worry about. I can't die, even without the bead.” Despite the words the other man still lifted the ball of light to his mouth, making it melt between his lips like fog, closing his eyes at the sensation. It seemed like the Gumiho’s features changed a little with the return of the bead. The grip on his fingers tightened almost instantly, as if Hyungwon needed to adjust to the additional strength that his body possessed. 

“Your energy is a bright blue. The stronger it is, the lighter and brighter the colour. I was fascinated by your life force the day you painted on my body.”   
  
“And I was fascinated by you. It’s fucked up, but now we’re here. Thank you for showing me, Hyungwon.” He leaned in and gave the other man another kiss.

“I'm kinda happy I did,” Hyungwon remarked nonchalantly, probably to mask how meaningful it really was, before a bright grin suddenly spread the full lips. The expression was only supported by the randomly dilating pupils, focusing on him. “And hello, dear hunger for energy and the wish to connect our bodies.”   
  
“How did it feel to kiss me without it?” he asked, still loving the teasing and slightly dangerous look that was accompanied by a grin, showing sharp incisor teeth.

“Like seeing a pretty flower and smelling its sweet scent, only to realise that it was covered by a glass lid the whole time, distracting from how fascinating it really is.” The pink-haired man inhaled sharply and licked over his lips. “I think I might really love you, Hoseok.” __  
__  
“I love you too. With or without the bead, with or without your human cover.” Smiling brightly he remembered that the other man had said something about tails. “You still wanted to show me your tails someday.”

A soft smile brightened Hyungwon's features, cheeks lifting and taking away the previous intimidating impression. 

“I'd love to. If you'll paint on me.”   
  
_ You promised him. _ __  
__  
“I will.”   
  
He inhaled deeply and forced himself not to say what and how much he felt and that he really wished to die while kissing the mesmerizing being.   
  
__ You both are enough of a tragedy already.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 7th of July at 2 PM CET.
> 
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>   
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>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'm sorry, Hoseok, fuck, I'm sorry,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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The yellow-reddish flame flickered a little as Hyungwon slid it along the full length of his calf. It was a little hot but nothing to be worried about, the fire was doing its job perfectly despite the minimal pain.

Once he had finished one line he continued with the next, gliding the flame along his golden legs and watching the way it burned everything in its wake, reddening the sensitive skin.

He hadn’t bothered with turning on the light as he never did, eyes perfectly capable of seeing in the dark. In addition the small flame had much more of an impact when he looked at it in absolute darkness. It was rather beautiful and reminded him of the sensation he had felt while kissing Hoseok.

_ Without the bead. _

There was heat with the bead as well but it was more like a hunger, a need to connect instead of a simple feeling, an independent wish to be close. 

Hyungwon licked over his lips,  staying concentrated as he focused on the motion of his hands. Afterall, he didn’t want to hurt himself more than necessary. It was a little difficult with the immediate memories that flooded his head, the way he had held his bead in his hand instead of keeping it inside of him, closing the distance between their lips and burning up although he shouldn’t have been. It was difficult to explain and in no way comparable to how Hyungwon usually felt when he kissed a human, especially not with the bead.

_ It's your only weakness even if it doesn't kill you.  _

He had been absolutely terrified to remove the bright source of strength, to show Hoseok what it was like without, when he wasn’t as strong. But there had been no reason to be afraid, not with the black-haired man and the affection he constantly showered Hyungwon with.

_ He really likes you instead of your illusions, doesn't he? _

A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he switched over to his thighs, letting the flame dance along them and reddening the skin. There was something nice to it too, although needle-like pain reached his brain. It reminded him of the here and now, of the fact that he couldn't just drown in time.

_ The flame won’t leave a permanent mark but his kisses might, even without the bead. _

Hoseok was able to make him feel something without the need to feed, to gain resources. The kiss had been absolutely independent of that, just the wish to be close in combination with the warmth that spread through his chest at the contact.

_ The feelings give you warmth even when the bead does not, Hyungwon. _

He wanted it to stay.

“Are you grilling a chicken, Hyungwon? In the bathroom?” The other man's low voice reached his awareness before he heard a scream and Hoseok's shocked face. “Why are you setting yourself on fire? What the fuck?”

Hyungwon had for once stopped paying attention to the bright blue that moved through his apartment and activated his instincts.

_ Setting yourself on fire? That looks different. _

Hyungwon chuckled and lifted the lighter he was holding into the air, amused by Hoseok’s extreme reaction and still rather caught in the memories of their kiss.  
  
“With this? Sounds rather bothersome to me,” he commented before he resumed the way his hand let the lighter travel along his thighs, making them perfectly smooth. One might have thought his fur wasn't the colour of cherry blossoms.

Hoseok came closer and looked at the way the small flame burned along his skin.   
  
“Is it some kind of new age Gumiho-shaving?” 

“It’s easier and faster than actually bothering with all that human crap. It worked 400 years ago and it works now,” Hyungwon remarked and finished up the burning procedure smoothly. Placing the lighter on the border of the bathtub he ran a hand over his hot and smooth skin and grinned. It had already recovered in the few minutes that passed, as always. “It’s perfect.”   
  
“You’re perfect,” Hoseok whispered and came closer. “Your eyes look even more mesmerizing in the dark. Wow.”

_ Right, he can't see without light. _

“Thanks, I gotta see my prey in the dark and the more intimidating I seem the better. The pink color wasn’t very helpful before.” Hyungwon laughed at himself and at his pink fur. It was rare and something inside his head kept thinking that he only ended up as a Gumiho because of that.

_ It’s always something special that makes one live forever. Maybe it is the fur for you. _ __  
__  
“Are there more Gumihos? Don’t they all have pink fur?” Hoseok asked and sat down on the edge of the granite bathtub.

“Hell no,” Hyungwon answered and laughed loudly, shifting to sit down more comfortably. “Have you ever seen a pink fox before? Something must have gone terribly wrong with my parents. Usually the color should be like Kihyun or all white or something. Not this- this mixture I guess.”   
  
The other man’s curved lips spread in a bright smile.   
  
“You’re special. I told you luck was on my side.”

_ Having something special is luck? _

“Do you like to collect individuals that are out of the ordinary?” Examining the expression on the other man’s face he purposefully curled his arms around his firm neck, unexpectedly, and pulled him towards himself. “You know, when I kissed you without the bead I really felt what human emotions must be like. It’s fascinating, Hoseok.”   
  
“I’m not collecting individuals. Actually I should just be alone by myself but amazing humans and non-humans are surrounding me as if I smell like candy. But it’s just the smell, nothing behind it.” Hoseok tensed in his embrace and sighed, before placing a soft kiss on his lips. “You seemed so vulnerable to me when you took the thing out. So beautiful and soft and vulnerable. It was intense. Also to kiss you like that, it felt different for me too.”

_ It was mutual, but still his thinking is strange. So self-deprecating. _

“That is because I was vulnerable. At least compared to what I am like usually,” Hyungwon murmured and pulled the other man down to his knees to prove his point, barely using any strength. “But you sound like you are not worth being with. That seems a little stupid to me because nobody would stay and take so many things for smell alone. If it was about your scent only I’d be gone a long time ago. There are enough people with nice energy, but I don’t think it’s the point anymore.”

__ Why does he sound so bitter? Like he isn’t worth being with.  
  
“It was a metaphor,” the other man simply commented with a strange expression on his face and stood up from his knees. The black-haired man turned around, probably hearing how his phone buzzed. He got up and walked out of the bathroom.

_ He seems distant.  _

Something had changed without a warning but Hyungwon couldn't tell what it was. Human emotions were too complex to track the fine variations. 

He closed his eyes and paid attention to the black-haired man's actions, feeling where he was moving. It was strange, there was no talk, as if Hoseok didn’t pick up.

_ Maybe he doesn't want to talk, uncomfortable with having to lie all the time.  _   
  
Suddenly his bell rang. The bell in the house he had kept protected.

_ That’s impossible. _

Hyungwon’s eyes widened and he pulled the black jeans that were lying on the bathroom floor over his legs and moved towards the hallway, reestablishing his human form with a big wave of energy. It felt draining but did its job, eyes turning an amber brown and claws making way for short fingernails. His steps quick but silent as always when he finally left the bathroom.   
  
But he wasn’t fast enough. A short, black-haired man slipped through the door crack and past Hoseok who looked as if he had seen a forest spirit.

_ Changkyun. _

Hyungwon almost gasped out loud at the sight, revealing his location in an instant. Thoughts were racing through his head, attempting to comprehend what was happening and what went wrong.

_ Why is he here? How did he find it? You protected it, there was no possibility for him to find the address or even develop the wish to come inside in case he saw it.  _

_ Fucking how? _

Panic moved up his throat, a feeling he rarely encountered. Changkyun had found his house, a second time. The realization awakened the same uncomfortable feeling that Hyungwon had felt the first time he met the short man face to face. It resembled a light burning along his ribs, like someone was trying to stick a fork in the spaces between them. But the pain was bearable, the consequential thoughts were not. 

_ He knows too much. He needs to leave. Immediately. _   
  
“So it’s you. The one he came here for?”

Hyungwon looked up at the short man, reacting to the question and feeling how time began to slip through his fingers with each second that he didn't say anything.

_ It gets worse the longer he stays. _

“Yes, but you are invading my house and are being disrespectful,” he said in Thai, making sure to be as polite as possible and consider age variations in addition to differences in profession. 

He was playing his role while still trying to reach his goal of getting the man named Changkyun out of the building without letting him see beyond the first few meters of the hallway. 

Hyungwon stretched out his arms and leaned against the wall, keeping the other from entering further.

_ Play your role and make him leave. Then you won't have to hurt him.  _   
  
“How does an underage boy own a house like this? It’s fishy and I don’t like it. Don’t you work at this shady bar? Is that where you met Hoseok? Regarding being disrespectful, I will atone for my sins. Later.” The other man turned to Hoseok and came incredibly close to the other man, grabbing the muscular shoulders and whispering into his pretty ear, but it didn’t keep Hyungwon from hearing what he said. 

“You better listen to me, bunny. This is extremely strange, your behaviour is strange, how you want to sell everything and give up your amazing job you’ve always dreamt about just to do this uneducated bullshit for dumb tourists is strange. There is no way I will leave you alone. You’re coming back with me - where you belong.”   


_ It's too late.  _

The realization was sudden, a little bit like glass that broke in a million tiny shards and revealed something entirely different that lay beyond it. Like staring at a picture of paradise before ripping the thick layer of paint and revealing a vibrant painting of hell. 

Hyungwon had believed that he could just make the short man leave, let Hoseok come up with a few excuses and then send Changkyun back to Germany, where he belonged.

_ But he knows about the house, your job and that you're underage. _

_ Nobody knows your age. _

So instead the glass of prior expectations broke and revealed the one thing that Hyungwon always had to do whenever his identity was endangered. It felt like words that were burned into his skin with a metal rod, bright yellow from heat.

_ You will have to erase him. Again. _

There was nothing he could do, absolutely nothing. He had to protect his identity. There was no way around it. The short man had no feelings for him and no reason to keep his secret apart from his care for Hoseok. 

_ And if Changkyun cares for him he will take him away from you. _   
  
Hoseok simply stood on the spot. He didn’t move a single inch and stared into nothingness while his best friend was telling him things he had found out, things that were probably supposed to make him reconsider and go back to Germany. It looked disconcerting and unnatural, scary even with how Hoseok seemed frozen.   
  
“You even look as if you’re on drugs, Hoseok, do you think I’m dumb? I’m there to protect you even if you yourself can’t do it. I told you back then that there’s no way you can get away from me. I will shower you with my love and affection and I will take care of you no matter what it takes.” Changkyun was looking at Hoseok, but the black-haired man was still looking into nothingness. Until a single tear dropped down the pale cheek, stained in an insane amount of energy, like a huge drop of tainted dark blue.

It hurt to see. The negative human emotions were almost black with how they interrupted the bright blue silhouette. Just like ink that dropped into water, spreading and colouring it dark.

_ He wants to protect him from you, doesn't he? But instead he hurts him.  _

Hyungwon bit down on his lip and stepped forward, pushing the short man away from Hoseok, enough to be able to curl his arms around him and press him to his chest. Seeing the way the black-haired man tainted his own life force was physically painful, eating at his lungs.

“Don't make him cry,” he hissed in Thai and stroked over Hoseok’s hair, trying to calm him down. 

_ But it's still too late, Hyungwon. You won't be able to let him leave. He needs to forget. _ __  
__  
Hoseok didn’t react to his touch, instead he pushed him away a little, dark brown eyes still somehow staring into nothingness while the tears kept falling like rain.   
  
“You need to erase him, Hyungwon,” Hoseok whispered and he could hear pain through the whisper, tears flowing down the beautiful pale face, negative emotions leaving him without getting any less. 

_ He knows.  _

Hyungwon didn't know how to react, watching the way the tears continued to collect and run down the white cheeks. The facts were painfully obvious. 

_ Hoseok isn't crying because of what he said. He's crying because you have to erase him.  _ __  
__  
“What are you talking about? Hoseok, please get a grip, I’m not going to go anywhere until you come with me.” Changkyun tried to come closer which resulted in Hoseok biting down on his lower lip and breaking the skin.   
  
“I’m sorry,” the beautiful man whispered again, but this time it was directed at his best friend.

_ Changkyun isn't the one hurting him. You are. _

The sensation of acid spreading out from his heart and slipping into his fingertips and legs took over his perceptions. Hyungwon swallowed deeply to make it disappear but it didn't work. It stayed, just like the black colour in the bright blue silhouette.

“How much?” he whispered quietly, unable to look away from the hurt expression on the beautiful face, knowing that his secrecy was the reason for it.    
  
“Six months.” Hoseok choked the words out of his throat, eyes and body not moving as if the other man really did freeze on the spot.

_ Half a year? _   


His hands curled up into fists as he watched the confusion on the face of Hoseok’s best friend. Hoseok wanted the short man to forget more than before, more than just a few weeks and the meeting itself. 

_ He was ill a year ago. Why half a year? _

“Are you sure?” he whispered again, voice barely following his wishes.

Hyungwon couldn't just act on the request, it seemed cruel, even for him. He would have to force Hoseok to see how he took his friend's energy, stealing his memories and experiences by bringing him to the edge of death.

_ You have to erase him. There is no choice.  _ __  
__  
“Please, Hyungwon.” The pale hands were curled into fists and those tears kept rolling down as if they were never supposed to end. “Just do it already.”

_ He's poisoning himself with hurtful emotions and you waste time. Time he doesn't have. _

Hyungwon turned his attention to the short man who was switching his gaze back and forth between them, probably trying to understand something that he couldn't. 

Stretching out his right arm in a beckoning motion Hyungwon inhaled deeply and allowed a bit of energy to travel along his limb and fingers towards the other man, waking the wish to come closer to him, to receive a deadly kiss.

_ You have to.  _   
  
“What’s going on between you two?” the shorter man asked but stepped closer, gaze fixed on Hyungwon’s face.

_ He's fighting a little bit. His mind knows already. _

Hyungwon had never erased the same person twice, luring them in to take their precious memories. He smiled to appear more reassuring although he didn't feel like it at all and stretched out both hands, increasing the energy flow. 

“We have developed feelings for each other,” he replied genuinely to give input to the cognitive question while still seeking the bodily contact. Something in the other man’s eyes changed and he stepped even closer, touching his arm lightly, stroking along it.

The intensive feeling of triumph that usually filled him stayed away, only leaving the everlasting acid in his veins and the sight of tears running down Hoseok’s face. This wasn't how it was supposed to be but Hyungwon couldn't help it. There was no alternative, no other course of action. A tragedy Hyungwon had never wished to create. 

“Kiss me,” he ordered while letting one of his hands stroke along Changkyun’s black hair, leaning down to adjust for their height difference. The energy was dark blue just like last time. Almost nothing had changed apart from his emotions.

_ You don't want to do this, but you have to. _ __  
__  
Changkyun curled his arms around his thin waist and leaned in, parting his lips. Hyungwon closed the rest of the distance, sensing the cool lips against his and the strength of energy that he was able to turn into his own, almost white. He opened his mouth and allowed the bead to move up his chest, slipping into the other man's mouth like fog and absorbing his life force without him knowing that he was dying a little bit with each second that the bead remained in his body.

_ You take the memories of others but aren't able to forget your own. Like a curse.  _

Hyungwon felt vulnerable, previous burns on his legs suddenly tingling a little and acid in his veins almost forcing him to break the connection. It hurt, but Hoseok must have been hurting more.

Once the bright blue had diminished enough he took his bead back, letting the force fill out his body and numb the harsh emotions that had been barely endurable a few seconds ago. 

The reaction in the body in his arms was almost instant as Changkyun lost consciousness and rested his complete weight on Hyungwon's arms.   
  
He could see how Hoseok was sitting on the floor, back leaned against the white wall, so similar to the colour of his face. The gaze was unfocused but there were no tears. He looked empty. Hoseok did.

_ What are you doing to him, Hyungwon? _

Biting down on his lip painfully he let the limp body glide to the floor, head touching the soft carpet carefully. Hyungwon didn't hesitate much longer before he crossed the distance to the other man and grabbed his shoulders, making sure not to apply too much strength.

“I'm sorry, Hoseok, fuck, I'm sorry,” he murmured and sank to his knees, watching the beautiful human become so empty, like there was nothing left apart from the life force that made him breathe, but no more than that.   
  
The black-haired man didn’t react and simply kept staring into nothingness, not even blinking.   
  
“Do we need to take him to the hospital?” he asked, but the voice lacked any emotion or intonation.

Hyungwon shook his head slowly.

“No, he will recover on his own if given time, but a hospital might be better to deal with the memory loss. I will take care of it.” It felt surreal, like he wasn't really talking to Hoseok but a computer, one that looked and spoke like him but didn't feel like him.

Chewing on his cheek Hyungwon stood up and lifted the unconscious man off the ground. The pain in his chest remained as he turned towards the only human he cared about, the sight hurting him more than a knife ever could. 

_ He's not Hoseok right now. Leave.  _

Without waiting for an answer he increased the speed of his steps and disappeared through the heavy, wooden door.

He ran, careful not to hurt the man in his arms. But no matter how much distance he put between his actions and himself, the bitterness remained.

_ You might not have taken his energy, but you took everything else, Hyungwon. _

_ You left an empty shell.  _

_  
  


Black.

The color was deep, resembling the intensity and consistency of pitch that sank into the bright blue ocean and poisoned it. Pitch that destroyed everything in its wake.

Hyungwon had never seen such a deep black color before and if he did, then he hadn’t cared enough to remember it, perfect memory only avoiding to let go of the few memories that he genuinely wished he didn’t have.

Selective memory always worked like that, didn’t it? Forgetting the ones one didn’t care about and leaving the ones one wished were gone.

The way the negative human emotions tainted Hoseok’s bright blue energy and enveloped it in black reminded Hyungwon of the feeling when somebody attempted to describe something but it only really clicked when you saw it, when you had your own visual experience of what it means. Seeing negative emotions do their job like that, taking away color and sullying human existence, was such an experience.

Hoseok had been devastated to say the least, sadness accumulating in the form of sullied energy and not leaving through tears because the black-haired man didn’t cry, not even once. Instead the other had been lying down, without any further actions, cancelling work and not reacting much to Hyungwon’s careful attempts at communication.

_ You can’t even approach him properly because tainted energy is toxic for you. _

Hyungwon hated it, he hated that his actions were the reason for the other man’s misery and he hated that there had been no alternatives. He had no other choice apart from erasing Changkyun and Hoseok knew that just as well as he did. Both of them were perfectly aware of it being the right decision, but it didn’t make the fact that the black-haired man had participated in the disappearance of a part of his best friend life any less painful. He also hated that he was absolutely useless and unable to do anything to make Hoseok feel better, to fight the sadness and return the bright color of his energy.

_ You love him, don’t you? Why can’t you do anything although he normally has enough positive emotions for both of you? _

Hyungwon had continued his routine, going to work, collecting energy and watching the way Hoseok tainted himself. It felt empty, like he was just living next to the other man instead of living with him, instead of helping him and taking away the sadness as he should have.

_ But you are still happy that he stayed. _

Hyungwon’s right hand jerked as he suddenly perceived the way the black-haired man moved in the study, sitting down at the desk instead of lying on the soft couch. It had been the first time that Hoseok had done anything apart from the most basic motions of his body, like eating a little and going to the bathroom.

_ What changed? _

Hyungwon didn’t follow, worried that his presence might have influenced the pitch black color even further. He was barely able to feel the black-haired man despite the proximity, bright blue light making way for negative feelings.

_ Stop sitting here helplessly and fucking do something already. Ask if you don’t know, you stopped watching others suffer a long time ago, Hyungwon. Why start now? _

His hands shivered a little as he grabbed the one mobile phone that did not belong to his current character, to Alex, but belonged to Hyungwon.

“What the hell happened that you actually call me first, fluffy?” Kihyun’s harsh but rather high-pitched voice rang through the speaker and Hyungwon couldn’t help the small smile on his lips.

_ He’s your only friend, isn’t he? He knows humans better than you, if he can’t help you then no one can. _

“I need your help, Ki. I don’t know what to do anymore,” Hyungwon murmured and brushed a hand through his pink hair, feeling how another drop of blue turned black and disappeared from his awareness.

“Shoot,” the redhead on the other side replied and Hyungwon could hear how he shifted, probably sitting down comfortably to give him all of his attention.

“I have erased his friend, I had to, he knew too much. Hoseok even wished for me to do it, but he is so devastated. It was his only friend, Ki. He means so much to him and I have no idea how to make it possible for him to stay in contact, to stay with his friend and with me at the same time. I don’t think it’s possible and I hate it, I hate it so much.” Hyungwon cursed and sucked a sharp breath in his lungs, burning sensation of fear and frustration mixing in his chest. “He is tainting his energy because of it, it’s almost completely black, Ki, and I don’t fucking know what to do.”

_ You want him to be happy with you, just like you are with him. _

Hyungwon held his breath and listened to the noises on the other end, easily recognizing the sound of the redhead’s lips rubbing together.

“He came for you, didn’t he?” Kihyun began, but it was more of a statement than a question. “The only thing that I do not understand is why you are talking to me about it and not to him. Shouldn’t you ask him what you can do to make him feel better? To calm him down? I of course understand that you feel helpless because you have no experience with this Hyungwon, but in the end it all just comes down to one simple decision, doesn’t it? Either you want to be with him or you don’t and depending on that everything else follows.”

_ Do you want to be with him? _

Yes. The answer had already been yes when Hoseok had first arrived in Bangkok, maybe even before that but Hyungwon never really felt ready to admit it to himself, to accept that he had tied himself to a human willingly, feeling happiness and emotions he hadn't experienced before just because of that person. Hoseok was enriching his existence in every way possible while he still fought it pathetically, naively believing that living apart might have been better for them. It wasn’t.

“I do want to be with him. I think I want it more than everything else, Ki. I don’t even care if I have to move again or if he needs to live in a different place to be happy. I just want to do it, so he feels better already. I wish I could just bring all the people he cares about to him so that he doesn’t hurt himself like this. But I can’t. Fuck.”

Kihyun hummed, signalling that he heard his outburst. The sound of a pen repeatedly tapping on a wooden surface passed through the phone. It was a habit of the other man while thinking.

“You know, Hyungwon, I once asked my mom why she left, on the phone when she called once. It was a little like it is with you, communication only happening through a small black device and if I had lived a little earlier I probably would have gotten a letter every five months.” The other man sighed on the other end like he didn’t really like to talk about it. “She said that one of her major regrets was not taking us along, me and dad I mean, and living on her own as if nothing happened. But I think she’s a coward. If she had really wanted to stay with us she would have done something about it, talked to us and especially dad to solve this. But instead she calls once in a while to listen to me rant about history and making dad miserable because he knows she’s somewhere out there but not with him. It’s cowardness, Hyungwon. I wish you won’t be like that. If you want to be with Hoseok and you care about him then open your fucking mouth and think about what you can do to make both of you happy. The end.”

There was silence as a tingling sensation moved up Hyungwon’s legs, spreading out just like it did along his fingers and underarms.

_ Don’t be a coward, Hyungwon. _

The realization hit him like a brick while having too little energy to recover immediately, sensation staying in his face and developing into a painful headache the longer he stared at the wardrobe across from him.

_ You don’t even know what will happen when you interact with him while he has tainted energy and still you avoid him like humans the plague. You fucking coward. _

“Shit,” he hissed loudly and stood up, closing his eyes to locate Hoseok. It was barely possible with how dim the previously cyan blue color had become, only a few sparks remaining.

Kihyun hummed on the other end, shifting sounding as the redhead must have stood up as well.

“Great that we got that settled, peace out,” he remarked before the regular beeping of a broken phone connection sounded in Hyungwon’s ear, impossibly loud and pulling him out of his stupor.

Throwing the device on the bed he moved through the house, quickly arriving at the study as he ripped the door open and stared at the black-haired man who was sitting at his working desk and writing something. It looked like a letter.

“What can I do to make you feel better, Hoseok? I don’t want you to be miserable, fuck,” Hyungwon muttered and looked at the dark brown eyes that slowly focused on him.   
  
For a couple of seconds it seemed as if Hoseok didn’t understand his question, staring at him without any hint of a facial expression, before the corners of the other man’s pale lips curled up a tiny bit, somehow mocking, considering that it should’ve been a smile.   
  
“It’s not your fault, I guess it’s just something I have to deal with for making others around me feel miserable,” the unusually low voice commented. Hoseok’s lips seemed very dry, as if the other hadn’t drunk.

Something curled tightly around Hyungwon’s lungs at the sight and pulled together, sending a sharp pain through his ribcage.

“You don’t make me feel miserable,” he replied with a whisper and couldn’t remain at a distance anymore. The black was almost like a thick layer around the beautiful man in front of him, but he couldn’t care less at the moment, pulling the muscular man up into a tight embrace and adding a little bit of white to the black ocean. “Maybe we can think of something, Hoseok, some profession that he could understand and that would prevent him from looking for you. Something that could help you to keep him as your friend. I don’t want you to give up everybody you care about for me. Shit, I really love you, Hoseok and want you to be happy. Let me help you somehow.”   
  
Hoseok curled his arms around him, but the hold was weak, almost weightless in comparison to the way the other man had normally hugged him. Air left the other man’s dry mouth resulting in an almost silent sigh.   
  
“I’ve thought about this. There is no way. I have to die for this to work.”

_ What? _

Hyungwon pulled the other man back a little and stared at him, a sudden unknown emotion exploding inside his chest like small needles that began impaling his lungs. His eyes widened and he gasped at the sensation.

“To die? Why? I- I don’t want you to die,” he murmured quickly, barely able to pronounce the words as worry continued filling him at the realization that the other man barely had any proper energy left to hold himself up.

_ He doesn’t even share anymore. Because he cannot use tainted energy either. _ __  
__  
“You will have to deal with my death too, but later, not now. Now only my mother, Changkyun and the others will.” Hoseok spoke quietly, his low voice pronounced the words clearly, without any hint of hesitation and his dark brown eyes focused on his own as he spoke.

_ He’s decided. _

There was something to the look in Hoseok’s eyes, something that told Hyungwon that the other man had decided, contemplating on the possibilities for a long time before he picked out the one he considered the best.

“Will you be okay? If you wish we could try to check up on them once in a while. I wouldn’t want to take people that are meaningful to you away from you, Hoseok. I want you to be happy.” Hyungwon reached out and stroked over the black hair, watching the small droplets of energy that he invested mix into the black and adding a little bit of light. But it wasn’t enough yet. Hoseok needed more, he needed the black to disappear to feel better. “If you wish we can move again, maybe somewhere where you can continue your profession, do what you enjoy and what you are good at. Maybe even a place where both of us don’t work too much and have more time for each other. Would you like that?”   
  
The black-haired man smiled and lifted his gaze.   
  
“I think I will have to take care of this first before I enjoy myself and your company. I’m just sorry to anyone who knows me. They don’t deserve this.” Hoseok sucked in a long breath and loosened his hold on Hyungwon’s waist, hands falling limp to his sides.

Instead of letting go Hyungwon only tightened his grip around the other man. If Hoseok didn’t have the strength then he was going to take over and give as much as necessary.

“I- I am not sure if this makes you feel better, but time can heal a lot, Hoseok. After a while losing a person that is dear to you might still hurt, but not as much. Sometimes it even puts a smile on your face because you remember the nice things instead of the sad ones. I just wish it will be the same for you, not just for them,” Hyungwon murmured quietly and continued to stroke over Hoseok’s hair, enjoying the silky texture under his fingertips.

_ This isn’t enough. You need to do something about the tainted energy, Hyungwon. He’s not releasing it. He can’t stay like this. _ __  
__  
“I don’t know about time healing anything. I just know about time bringing you closer to death and letting you lose people on the way. I’m actually a very stupid person to be honest, I had thought that people only suffer when I’m close to them, but they apparently also suffer if I’m not. So I have to die.” The other man’s dark eyes closed for a couple of seconds. “Ah, that really feels like dying somehow.”

“What exactly feels like dying?” Hyungwon asked and tilted his head a little, leaning down to place kisses on top of Hoseok’s eyelids. “You don’t want them to be in pain because they cannot see you. You need to disappear, so you prefer to take their hope and expectations to see you? So they can move on and meet other people instead of you?”

He was trying to understand. Never in his life had Hyungwon had to make decisions that involved the careful adjustment of feelings that other humans possessed. He had cared before but the only one who continued suffering had been him, taking the memories of everyone else.

_ This is why he wants to die. He wants to be the only one who continues suffering while everyone else moves on. _ __  
__  
“My personal, selfish decisions should not lead to someone being hurt. I should be the one who’s hurt, but in the end it will always be them. So they’re better off thinking that I died,” Hoseok whispered back. “Although it’s again a very selfish decision. I just can’t make them go through all of this till I really die. Or them. It’s not fair.”

Hyungwon nodded at the words and reached out to brush a soft strand of hair behind Hoseok’s ear. The thoughts made sense and so did the decision. The two of them were rather similar in their thought processes. Just like him Hoseok was beginning to erase traces, even if he would have never thought of his loved ones like that.

“You are beginning to act like me,” he commented and placed a kiss on Hoseok’s lips, adding another spark of white. “It is impossible to go through life without acting selfish once in a while. Adjusting to the wishes of others is first of all going to make you miserable and second it will never be possible. There will always be someone who gets hurt because of something you do even if you don’t mean to. If you wish to stay with me and this is the decision you have made to make it possible, then I will accept it, Hoseok. But I also want to be able to add something to make your life worth living. Let’s go somewhere else where you are happier.”   
  
“How do you deal with pain, Hyungwon? And don’t tell me you close it inside a box, I know that it’s bullshit. You have it all in your brain, coming out as soon as the topic arises.” Hoseok stared at him intently, waiting for an answer. Probably for an authentic one.

_ You focus on it or you allow time to make it fade away. _

“It is not quite bullshit, Hoseok. Yes, the memories are readily available and it happens that they return to my mind as if they are happening right this instant, but locking away elements that remind me of it helps me to avoid that. Usually I focus on pain, I use it to remind myself that I am alive or to remind myself of mistakes I have made, remembering to never do them again. To be honest trusting humans was one such mistake, but you have changed it for me.” Hyungwon smiled and placed a kiss against the curved mouth. It was pleasantly cool and accepted the next spark of white life force easily. Still it wasn’t enough to break the layer of black. Hoseok was still tainting his life force. “If it is too much I drown myself in my new personality, the new identity I created. I am someone else with different experiences then and shouldn’t be emotionally invested with something that happened to a different version of me. I separate the individuals. I guess I just try to imagine that whatever happened wasn’t really about me, but about the character I was playing. It doesn't always work, especially with people that I don’t play a character with. Like you, or Kihyun. But there have never been any before you two.”   
  
“You know, I think there’s nothing for free in the world I’m living in. At least that’s what I think about the world, of course. I got ill, but I gained knowledge and perspective, I met you, but I have to give up my family and friends. I guess I will have to stop thinking that I can prevent others from being hurt. It comes with existence somehow.” The low voice spoke quietly as he felt the other man’s hands at his sides.

_ He’s wrong. _

“I don’t think that’s how it is, Hoseok. It seems rather typical to try to see more behind what is there, to think that there is some kind of pattern behind what occurs and that you need to suffer to gain something. I think it is chance, some are lucky and some are not, some have a lover and keep their family and friends and some do not, just like some die early and some do not. There is no rule that says that you need to give up something in order to have something else, but in some cases it cannot be helped. I do agree with each situation having good and bad sides, but I do not think that you need to suffer to gain something in return. You could have always decided otherwise, you could have asked me to reveal my identity, you could have wished for us to live close by or to disappear somewhere where your friends and family couldn’t follow before reappearing and spending time with them. However, you decided for this, and that is in no way connected with you having to suffer in order to gain something.” Hyungwon drew a deep breath after his explanation and examined the black stains in Hoseok’s energy. It remained despite their conversation and his attempts to remove the negativity from the black-haired man’s thoughts.

_ Maybe you can just take it from him? You can deal with whatever it will bring, Hyungwon, but he might not. _

“May I do something for you?” he asked and stroked along Hoseok’s head and over his shoulders, pulling him a little closer and reducing the space between their mouths.   
  
The other man’s suspicious gaze scanned him from head to toe before answering.   
  
“You’re not going to take my memories, are you? Don’t touch them, Hyungwon, they’re mine.”

Hyungwon chuckled at that and shook his head immediately.

“I just want to try to make you feel better differently. I won’t take them, Hoseok. They are yours. I could only erase it all and I would never do that to you. They will be yours as long as you wish,” he replied and lifted Hoseok’s chin with his index finger and thumb, leaning down and placing another simple kiss on the curved mouth. He could feel the presence of the black stains with the bead, like dark areas that he couldn’t see and that appeared much colder than energy usually did. Leaning back he inhaled deeply and glanced at the dark-brown eyes, hoping that Hoseok wouldn’t feel too much pain in the process. “May I? I hope it won’t hurt but I am not sure. It will be better afterwards though, I promise.”   
  
A playful smile appeared on Hoseok’s cold lips, as he curled his arms tighter around Hyungwon’s waist.   
  
“That’s what you told me while you were trying to get that kiss of yours back then. On the other hand it doesn’t matter anyway. Feel free.”

_ His opinion might change once you take the black. _

“Back then I meant that I won’t lure you anymore, now there is no need to do that because you are mine independently, on many more levels than I had expected,” Hyungwon whispered and leaned in. “Thank you.”

He felt the sensation of the cool lips against his and parted them with his tongue, allowing the bead to rise up in his chest and collect inside his mouth. The fog-like pearl slipped past their connection and settled between the other man’s lips, sucking in the black color first, it always did.

The disappearance of the bead took Hyungwon’s sharp senses and left him with the weight of the other man, more than it had been before. The lips began to feel warmer, less different from his own body temperature as the darkness almost completely disappeared and left a slim line of blue around the other man’s body.

_ He should be okay now, take it back. _

Hyungwon let the bead return, slowly spreading out in his mouth and sliding down into his chest, settling and returning the strength he had missed, followed immediately by crippling pain he hadn’t expected. 

It felt like he was being paralysed, awareness of his limbs and their power disappearing as his vision blurred and he sank to his knees. He attempted to inhale but his lungs didn’t follow, just releasing a shaky breath instead of drawing in oxygen. It hurt, it really did. It resembled the sensation he had felt when Hoseok had been hurt, each time he had upset the black-haired man but so much worse. It didn’t stay in his chest and moved through every body part. A slow and spreading burn appeared in his eyes, collecting until he felt small drops of liquid trickling down his cheeks, landing on the wooden floor.

_ Tears. _ __  
__  
Hoseok dropped down on his knees across from him and lifted his chin, disbelief and worry battling each other on the pale face.   
  
“Hyungwon, what’s wrong? Are you- are you crying? Why?” The other man sounded equally hurt, although he had taken the blackness away.

_ You have taken the negative emotions, shouldn’t they be gone? _

Hyungwon gasped, unable to answer as his vision remained blurred and drops fell to the ground. It hurt so much, like whatever was happening around him continued to narrow down and attempted to rip his heart from his chest.

_ This is how he must be feeling. You took the negative emotions, now they are yours. _

“Is- is this how you are feeling?” he asked and dug his hand into his thigh, unable to speak further as he attempted to suck oxygen into his lungs. “Hoseok, I- I am so sorry for you feeling this way, I-”

_ You took the tainted energy but the feeling remains. It taints the energy, so taking it won’t make it disappear. The source needs to disappear. _

“Fuck, how do I make you feel better?” Hyungwon muttered and tried to curl his arm around Hoseok’s neck, pull him closer to his body. The black-haired man simply stared. Hyungwon could see how liquid collected and dropped down the other man’s black eye lashes.   
  
“Are you crying because of me? Does it hurt? Why did you do this? Why are you doing it to yourself?” Hoseok’s strong arms pulled him on top of his lap as the cool, curved lips found his and kissed him tenderly.

Pleasant warmth spread through him at the contact, small bright blue droplets leaving the parted mouth and adding to the blackness in his chest. Hyungwon pulled himself even closer and broke the kiss, burying his face in the crook of Hoseok’s neck, breathing in the sweet scent that had returned with the the disappearance of tainted energy.

“It- it burns, but I wanted to remove it. I thought you would stop feeling like this if I take the tainted energy but you are still sad. It was just a symptom not the source. I-” He inhaled again and attempted to focus on the bit of warmth that Hoseok had given him, spreading out slowly and numbing the pain. “But your scent has returned so it was worth it. It’s back, so I am happy. It’s bright blue again, just like it should be. Please let me take your pain somehow, Hoseok.”   
  
He could feel how Hoseok’s fingers intertwined with the strands of his pink hair, raking through it in a smooth motion.   
  
“I’m sad because you are hurt, you dummy. I can’t bear seeing you hurt, it hurts me too. A lot. Attitude is a funny thing isn’t it. It was like a wall falling down in front of my eyes when you started crying. Nothing mattered anymore. Only you. Only you matter.” The black-haired man pulled him into a deep kiss once again.

“Your kiss makes everything better,” Hyungwon gasped against the cool mouth and drowned in the feeling it gave him, as if the blackness disappeared without leaving his body, allowing itself to be enveloped by the bright blue that passed through his lips instead. “I love you, Hoseok. I think I only now begin to understand what it really means. I really love you.”   
  
“I hope you don’t think that I regret. I don’t. Decisions are just hard sometimes, but I want to stay with you, I want to be with you as long as I can. I love you, Hyungwon. I want to spend my life with you.” Hoseok curled his arms around him and pressed him closer. The scent got stronger in his nose and the feeling of the other man’s cool lips kissing away his tears tingled along his skin.

For the very first time it felt like Hyungwon really understood what the black-haired man meant and what he was feeling. Each word carried meaning that he could comprehend and react to, hands adding more strength to the way they pulled the broad body as close as possible.

“The feeling is mutual, Hoseok,” he whispered and closed the distance, melting into the embrace of the one person he genuinely cared about. “You make me feel.”

 

***

 

Hoseok sat down at the antique wooden desk and pulled out a piece of paper and an ink pen. His decision had consequences he had to put on paper for the two most important people in his life. He started with his best friend, whose memories he saw disappearing inside the being he loved.    
  
_ It won’t stop hurting, will it? _ __  
__  
He put the pen to the paper and started writing.   
  
__ ‘Hey Changkyun,

_ are you healing well? Is it scary to lose memories all of the sudden? I am sorry that I can’t be with you right now, but there is no reason for me to inflict more pain on you than I already have. _

_ Do you remember how you randomly cleaned my apartment while I was in the hospital? I do. I know that you probably didn’t know how to help me so you just cleaned everything like a crazy person. Also all those small gestures, how you randomly brought me something to eat and asked me absolutely unrelated stuff. I remember how you talked to me about my fears and my inner demons, I remember everything. _

_ I won’t come back anymore, each of us must disappear sooner or later and it seems as if my time came earlier than expected, which is fine. I can’t help thinking that this is how it was supposed to be from the start. _

_ I’m so thankful for everything that you’ve done for me, all those big and little things, the small hugs, the smiles and how you never gave me the feeling that I was a patient, but that I was your friend. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I couldn’t prevent you from being in pain, till the end you will probably continue being hurt because of this. Because of me. _

_ If you feel sad about me not existing anymore, take a walk in the English garden, inhale the fresh air and look at the cherry blossoms if it’s April. Those were my favourite. In my desk you can find a small diary, it’s in the top drawer. It’s for you. I just want you to know that no matter what happened, I was happy with you by my side, and I will disappear thinking about those times you made me forget my loneliness. _

_ I love you, Changkyun and will until death takes me. Thank you for being my friend. _

_ P.S. Stop smoking, you’re an oncologist, you should know better! _

_ Hoseok, who will always look after you in the one way or the other.’ _   
  
He swallowed and blew over the ink to let it dry faster, trying to distract himself from the thoughts of his best friend reading those lines.   
  
_ You will hurt him. You end up hurting everyone around you. _ __  
__  
The next one was especially hard. He had to write a letter to his mother. He didn’t even know what he wanted to say so he just elaborated, as if it was a monologue, as if she stood in front of him, not saying anything and just listening.   
  
__ ‘Hey Mom.

_ Remember how I asked you not to cry? When I lay in my bed and told you about how scared I was to just leave everything behind and die? You were crying so hard back then but afterwards you tried hard to suppress it, to cry in the bathroom, turning the key and thinking that I wouldn’t know. I knew and I won’t tell you not to cry. It’s fine to cry, mom. Because I won’t be coming back and I will have to leave everything behind, just in the way I told you back then. _

_ But isn’t life still amazing? Isn’t it amazing that you and me happened to share the same blood in this time and place, being the mother and son who love each other more than anything? You know that I love you right, mom? I tried to stay away as far as possible, thinking that not being close to you would make it less painful if it happened again, but in the end Changkyun was right. It probably hurts just the same. I am so sorry that I brought you so much pain. _

_ I have those two pictures of you, the one was taken when we took a walk together shortly after the diagnosis and the other one was after my third time at the hospital. You looked so much older, mom. I know that it was because of me, that you aged because of me, that all those things that you had to experience because of me left such a merciless mark on you that you can still see it from the outside. I’m sorry that you couldn’t continue being the bright woman, who always seemed a little careless, but also full of youthful childness. I made you change like that. _

_ I want you to know that I have never stop caring about you and I’ve never forgot what you’ve done for me during all those years. You’re still the one person for me. _

_ Times were always different, but no matter how old I was, whether I was healthy or ill, bratty or obedient, strange or relatively normal, you were always there to make sure that I’ve always felt loved. _

_ Please forgive your son for leaving so soon. _

_ I love you mom. _

_ Hoseok.’ _ __  
__  
By the end of the letter he was barely able to see anything from the tears collecting and rolling down his cheeks like tiny rivers. It was hard writing it, Hoseok could barely imagine what it would be like for his mother to read those words.   
  
_ You know exactly how much she loves you.  _ __  
__  
_ Is this all worth it, Hoseok? _ __  
__  
He had asked himself the same question countless times and the answer had always been the same. He wanted to be with Hyungwon. It cost countless sacrifices and it hurt so much that it felt as if his chest was ripping apart, but it was still what he had wanted.   
  
_ You are so selfish, you have to take responsibility for the people you love and for the people who love you. _ __  
__  
Hesitating a little he opened the bottom drawer and pulled the tiny black device out of it, Hyungwon’s old phone, the one he was contacting the red-haired half-Gumiho with. As expected there was only one number saved, which he dialed, until he could hear the melodic voice on the other end of the line.   
  
“Twice on the same day is a little extreme, isn't it? Did you finally stop being a coward and decide to tell me of your achievements?” There was a little bit of shuffling as the man on the other side moved paper to the side and apparently closed a book.

“Hey, it's Hoseok, I don't know if you remember me,” he started carefully, changing the position of the phone from his left to his right hand as he sucked in a breath.

“Hoseok? Oh- hi. I just feel like you didn't ask Hyungwon before taking his  _ oh so precious _ secret phone. Sneaky of you. What gives me the honour?” the man that Hoseok knew as Kihyun replied and a grin was audible from his tone of voice.

“I- I wanted to ask you for a favour. You probably won't do it which is fine, but I think I would regret it if I didn't ask,” Hoseok answered and drew a couple of stars on the white paper block lying on the side.

“We'll see about that. What favour and why, doc?”

_ Just ask, fuck your anxiety of getting rejected and just fucking ask. _

“It's because I'm not coming back. I'm going to stay with Hyungwon and move around so I won't be able to come back to Germany to see my mom and my best friend Changkyun. I wanted to ask if you could, at least from afar, keep an eye on them. They will think that I died so it'll be too risky for me to do this myself.” He brushed his hair back and sighed. “I'm really good at putting myself into situations where I have to be sorry towards other people.”

There was silence for a few seconds as Hoseok could hear the other man breathe in slowly, as if he contemplated on what to say. 

“I'll do it.” The reply was sure, clear and without much hesitation, like no doubts remained in the redhead’s mind. “You've done well, Hoseok. I don't know what made you decide this way but don't let him run away. He's a coward and Gumihos are so fucking good at running away.” It might have sounded a little bitter but Hoseok didn't know the other man well enough to tell.

“I won't. He can't get rid of me until I die, I'm pretty sure about that. Kihyun, thank you so much, I owe you.” He paused and licked his lips. “I'll give you a free artery bypass if you need one, I'm pretty good.” Hoseok chuckled at himself for his inability to make decent jokes. 

“What the fuck is up with medical students and lack of humour? I swear it's correlated,” the other man remarked with a laugh before he sighed. “Just write down my number and give me their contact details, I'll see what I can do. Tell him he's a bad fox if he hurts you.”

“He's a mesmerizing fox. I'll send you the details in a bit. I'm really thankful that people like you exist. Do you consider yourself human? Or a Gumiho?” Hoseok asked out of interest. 

“I'm a superior human. The fucking cherry on top, Hoseok,” the redhead replied with no shame whatsoever.

_ If he says so.  _

“Fine, superior human, thank you so much and thank you for being Hyungwon's friend too.” Hoseok smiled listening to Kihyun's rather detailed discussion about why his relationship to Hyungwon shouldn't be called friendship but rather a mutual beneficial agreement. 

“Yes, either way thank you for being his friend. I'll send you the details and two letters for my mom and Changkyun, so they don't know that they're from Bangkok and thank you so much again. Call me if you happen to need anything from me. Like a heart surgery or something else I can provide. Thank you, Kihyun.” Hoseok whispered the last words and hung up. 

_ Hyungwon probably wasn't that lonely, if he had Kihyun. _

Hoseok walked over to the hallway and sat down on the dark brown wooden floor, right in front of the ‘Paradise’.

_ He said that the painting steals energy. You have to fill it so it stays. _

“Why are you sitting there?” Hyungwon's familiar low voice sounded from the other end of the hallway, as the pink-haired man made his way towards him. He must have felt his location as he always did, appearing out of nowhere just because Hoseok changed rooms and asking what he was doing. It was cute somehow.

“I'm charging your belongings.” Hoseok glanced up to his favourite pair of eyes, one had the colour of amber whereas the other lit up in an ice blue.

“W- why here?” Hyungwon asked, stuttering briefly and glancing up at the painting. “And why would you charge them in the first place? They already got enough of you, spare some for yourself and recover properly after all that blackness.”

_ You should recover and concentrate on the more important things. Like living, Hoseok. _

“Have you ever witnessed someone getting old and die?” he asked and leaned his back against the white wall in the broad hallway.

“Of course I have. When I pretended to be the prince I watched the king die, and when I lived with a family in China the grandparents died of old age. I saw people get old and die all the time. It's just part of life, a proof of its limit.” Hyungwon gestured a little as he spoke, eyes narrowing in concentration as he watched Hoseok. “Why are you asking? Are you worried about that?”

“Mhm, I'm asking myself whether you would be hurt to see me get old and die. How my personality would change because I am aging and have new experiences, whether you would still like me.” He smiled and closed his eyes shortly, trying to imagine being old and weak while next to a being that possessed inhuman strength and eternal youth.

“But we will grow together, won't we? The only thing that will change is your appearance and that isn't of importance to me. I could adjust to age with you if it would make you happier, with energy of course.” The pink-haired man seemed rather calm, bridging the rest of the distance and sitting down next to him, long fingers playing with the white wall. “It's strange to me that you decided to sit here. Like you can tell.”

_ Like you can tell? _

He turned towards the pink-haired being and narrowed his gaze.

“Like I can tell what?”

“What's behind this wall,” Hyungwon murmured and removed his hand from the white tapestry, stroking along his own clothed legs instead before scratching over the fabric with his claws. There seemed to be something different about his actions, more vulnerable, but it appeared ridiculous to assume that whatever was behind the wall would make him act like that.

“I can't tell precisely what's behind it, but I can indeed tell that you're acting really weird about it. Show me.” Hoseok grabbed one of Hyungwon's big hands and squeezed it in his white palm.

The mismatched eyes widened as Hyungwon glanced to the side, as if there was really something right behind the white wall below the painting of the ‘paradise’.

“It's- it's what I-" Hyungwon stopped talking and nodded instead, hand shivering a little as he scratched along the surface until he grabbed a string, pulling it to pull the wall back and show an entrance that resembled a basement. It was a heavy wooden door, just like the rest of the house. Opening it the pink-haired man sighed and pulled Hoseok along with him, walking down two flights of stairs until he entered a broad space. 

Most of the walls were covered with portraits of people and a few with scenery, there was ancient furniture, maybe even more so than the one in the rest of the house and several of the cupboards were filled with books and other smaller items. Hoseok could recognize a golden chandelier that rested on top of one of the cupboards on the right. 

For a basement it wasn't dusty at all, rather the opposite. It looked like Hyungwon took particular care of the area, using it regularly and drowning in whatever the room hid. The only oddity in the room was the Gumiho himself who appeared uncomfortable and clenched his fists.

“And this is your-? Gumiho basement?” Hoseok asked before closing the distance to the tall man and curling his arms around the thin body. He could sense that something had made Hyungwon extremely uncomfortable, he simply didn't know what it was.

“This is the place to which I ban my memories, Hoseok,” the other man replied with a whisper and hugged back, burying his head in the crook of Hoseok’s neck like he preferred to not see whatever it was that the room contained. “Usually when I go down here I am prepared,  but now- not so much.”

“You seem uncomfortable and a little frightened, but you don't have to be because you have me and my blue bunny energy.” Hoseok grinned and kissed the other man's plump lips that were shivering a little.

Hyungwon chuckled at that, looking up with a raised eyebrow. 

“You mean the energy that you mostly tainted until I cried it out for you?” the pink-haired man asked but it didn't sound accusatory at all, rather teasing. 

“Come with me,” Hyungwon murmured and pulled him further into the room, into the direction of one of the cupboards. The other man reached for a deeply hidden box, fingers shivering visibly as he took it out and sat down on the ground, staring at the simple black container without a word or action.

“I did cry a lot for you too. Only because you didn't feel it, doesn't mean it wasnt there, am I right?” Hoseok commented quietly and sat down next to the slim figure. He lifted his right hand and let his fingers travel along Hyungwon's pink hair, sinking into the strands and intertwining with them. “It'll be fine,” he whispered.

“I just hope you will be happy more than you will be sad from now on.” The Gumiho finally lifted the lid of the box and drew a deep breath. “There are a lot of things in here, letters, photos, presents,  jewellery, a- a knife. A lot of different items.”

Hoseok understood letters and pictures, but the knife seemed so unfitting, like something that didn't belong there.

“Why is there a knife?” he asked while he continued the soft strokes over the other man's hair.

“Because- because that is the only thing I have left of that person. The knife it-" Hyungwon stopped talking as his eyes widened and for a short moment it seemed like he was in pain, not next to Hoseok as he should be. “It's the first time I really saw what hatred means and how closely related it is to affection.” His long fingers reached into the box until they removed an ancient knife, gold and silver with intricate patterns over it. It seemed small, like it was meant to be carried secretly.

_ He seems to be traumatized by that. _

“What happened? Did you get hurt, Hyungwon?” he asked carefully, fingers travelling down to curl around the other man's slim side.

“He stabbed me with it once he saw my blue eye, right through the heart.”

_ Holy fuck. _

“I'm sorry, it must've hurt. On so many levels probably. I guess I'll never be able to understand because I love you and your eyes and I also can't imagine how you must've felt.” He spoke quietly, paying attention to the muscle tension under his fingertips.

“You are the first person that has feelings for me, not the human I pretend to be or the human that I created. For you it really seems to be me and that is a little difficult to grasp sometimes.” The beautiful man sighed and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pulling himself closer and letting the knife drop to the ground. “I killed him. That's why the knife is the only thing that was left to pour memories into.”

“He tried to kill you first, Hyungwon. It's self defense,” he commented and curled both arms around his thin waist, appearing so fragile, although the other man had been more than strong. “I really love you, I'm thinking whether I should leave a trace at all to land here some day, or if I should just burn everything to stay inside your head.”

“I think you will be inside my head no matter what you do, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered and pressed their lips together. The black box dropped to the floor as the other man’s slim body settled on his lap. “This place is for memories I wish to forget. I'm not sure whether I feel that way about you.”

The heat transcended from Hyungwon's body, through his thin clothes and left burning spots along his skin, it felt so incredibly intense. Hyungwon seemed to be emotionally invested, sitting among all of his previous memories that probably kept appearing inside his mind, not giving him peace. Hoseok wanted to replace them, to create new memories for the mesmerizing being, ones that overshadowed the pain the other must’ve felt.   
  
_ Maybe this is something you can give him, Hoseok. _ __  
__  
He reciprocated the kiss and parted Hyungwon’s thick lips with his tongue. It tasted like hot black chocolate, scent absolutely intoxicating. It must’ve been similar to how Hyungwon had perceived his own scent. Hoseok pressed Hyungwon’s thin body closer, roaming over his clothed back and drowned in perceptions that had overshadowed everything else including their surroundings due to their intensity.

“I have never shown this to anybody,” the beautiful pink-haired being whispered against his lips. Slim fingers continued drawing patterns on his back, tender and so different from the strong grip Hyungwon usually showed. “It- it feels so different, like you are inside my head.” Hot breath hit his neck before the man on his lap attached his mouth to the sensitive skin of Hoseok’s shoulder, gentle press of teeth present but not enough to break the skin. “I like it, it’s like- it’s like it calms me down.”   
  
Hoseok felt overwhelmed by the sudden vulnerability Hyungwon showed him, it was so different from his usual behaviour.   
  
“I’m so lucky,” Hoseok whispered and stroked over Hyungwon’s pink hair softly, before attaching his lips to the spot behind the tiny ear that jerked at the contact.

There was silence as the other man only strengthened his hold around Hoseok’s shoulders and crossed his legs behind his back, resting all of his weight on top of him.

“Take me away from here and touch me, Hoseok,” the low voice whispered as fingers intertwined with his hair and pulled him back, vision instantly blocked by the pretty face that closed the distance between them and kissed his lips roughly.   
  
Hoseok didn’t hesitate, not even a second, before he stood up and walked up the stairs, holding Hyungwon’s incredibly hot body over his hips. When he arrived at the entrance, he passed through the open door and walked in the direction of the bedroom. Feeling how the sharp teeth slid along his neck, he wasn’t able to hold back anymore, taking the next best surface, which happened to be an ancient cupboard standing in the hallway, and placed Hyungwon’s slim body on it, immediately attaching his lips to the delicious golden skin of the other man’s neck.   
  
“I’ll do everything you want, Hyungwon,” he whispered and sunk his teeth into the smooth shoulder.

The beautiful man gasped and pulled him closer with the help of his legs that were still curled around Hoseok’s hips. The other man’s retracted claws were travelling along Hoseok’s biceps and arms, leaving thin red lines without breaking the surface. Hyungwon appeared impatient, attaching his lips to Hoseok’s repeatedly and whimpering in frustration whenever they had to part.

Hoseok grabbed the seam of the simple white shirt Hyungwon was wearing and pulled it over his pink head. The other man's golden skin was shimmering although the hallway was barely illuminated. He immediately pressed his lips against one of Hyungwon's sharp collar bones, licking along it and nibbling on his sensitive skin.

A sound that resembled a purr left the other man’s lips as his slim body twitched in response. The sensation wasn’t enough to make Hyungwon sink his claws into Hoseok’s skin but it was sufficient to increase the pressure with which they slid over his arms and eventually sides. Groaning in frustration the pink-haired being finally gave up on being careful and grabbed Hoseok’s shirt, simply ripping it and throwing the pieces to the ground. Sucking in a deep breath the other immediately pulled him closer, hot, almost burning skin meeting his.

_ He wants you. _

“Do you want me to make you scream, Hyungwon?” Hoseok whispered into the small ear after licking over its shell slowly.

His hair was pulled back roughly, enough to allow him to stare at the mesmerizing face of the being in front of him. Hyungwon’s mismatched eyes were focused on him, the blue one reflecting more light and thereby appearing like a light source on its own. It was absolutely mind-blowing.

“Do it,” the pink-haired being hissed and rolled his hips forward, motion resembling the way he behaved on stage, smooth and attractive but much less controlled.

Hoseok buried his fingers in Hyungwon's thighs and lifted the other man, walking the couple of steps towards the bedroom. His movements were quick, but after letting the Gumiho’s body hit the sheets, he opened his own pants agonizingly slowly, playing with the zipper and dipping his fingers into the elastic band of his underwear. 

He loved driving the fox mad.

There was no coherent word that left the beautifully full lips apart from a growl as the right hand sunk slowly into the sheets, extending the claws and ripping the sheets. Hyungwon’s mismatched eyes were on him, muscles completely contracted like he was ready to pounce any second.

_ He might. _

Good that Hoseok had experience with Hyungwon jumping him and piercing his shoulders, there was nothing he was afraid of.

He stroked over his pecs with both hands, sliding down along his flexed abdomen and under the seam of his trunks, exposing one hipbone and the prominent v-line, pale and covered in blue veins.

“Like it?” he hissed.

“If you don’t make me scream in the next fifty seconds I am doing it myself, Hoseok,” Hyungwon hissed back and slid both of his claws along the sheets, sound of ripping fabric echoing off the walls. It was fascinating how the other man didn’t blink even once, eyes completely focused on the way Hoseok’s hands slipped over his pale skin and uncovered each new centimetre of it.

Hoseok chuckled, low and confident, before sliding his pants and underwear down his legs. After he got rid of the useless fabric, he licked his lips and crawled on top of Hyungwon, opening his pants and pulling them down his long legs. He bit into the golden skin mercilessly, knowing that it would stay for a couple of seconds only and groaned at the feeling of hot skin under his fingertips.

Hyungwon moaned and threw his head back,  using his hands to push Hoseok closer to his golden skin, to make him leave more marks along the attractive thighs. The grip on his black hair was strong but the beautiful pink-haired man seemed to be aware of his actions, mismatched eyes remaining open. 

Hoseok didn't hold back, not even a bit. He bit into the skin and watched how the red disappeared. Settling between the long legs he grabbed Hyungwon's hips harshly and closed his lips around the beautiful, straight erection.

A loud growl left the plump lips as the Gumiho thrust forward to feel more, one hand returning to the ripped sheets and the other tightening in Hoseok’s hair.

“Not this-" the ethereal man murmured and clenched his teeth, but he didn't pull Hoseok away forcefully as he would have done usually. “I want the full course.”

“You're greedy, Gumiho,” Hoseok commented after letting Hyungwon go. He reached for the bedside drawer and grabbed the bottle of lube, squeezing some on his palm and rubbing it between his fingers to warm it up. After it had the right temperature he covered his dick sufficiently and looked up at the pink-haired man who was lying between his legs. The sight was simply mesmerizing, Hyungwon's eyes were following his every move as if the other man was trying to hunt him down, just waiting for the moment to snap.

“And you're slow,” Hyungwon remarked with a groan and spread his legs. It was obvious how impatient the beautiful being was with how he threw his body on the sheets and lifted his legs, just waiting for Hoseok to be inside of him.   
  
“I’m sensual,” Hoseok corrected him and pressed his lubed tip against Hyungwon’s entrance, sliding inside slowly, bridging the tightness by sucking in a breath. “And you’re a fucking volcano.”

“Fuck,” Hyungwon cursed and threw his head back, hands fisting the sheets and sharp teeth biting down on his lower lip. It was beautiful, the way the other man blinked slowly and kept his lips parted. Instead of using his hands the Gumiho pulled him closer with the help of his long legs, bridging the distance between them quickly until Hoseok was almost completely buried instead of him. “I want you.”   
  
The feeling was absolutely mutual and he moved, careful at first but watching Hyungwon’s reactions it became hard to hold himself back, so he went all out. He accompanied every single thrust with a bite or a kiss, marking the golden skin of Hyungwon’s chest and shoulders. He licked the drop of blood from the other man’s plump lip and tasted the sweet iron on his tongue when they kissed.

The beautiful being was melting in his arms, meeting each thrust with his slim hips and moaning loudly, mouth opened. Hyungwon tried to kiss back, licking inside his mouth and inhaling deeply, as if he wanted to fill his lungs with the scent of Hoseok only.

“The connection-" the pink-haired man began and stared at the space between their bodies, sweet sounds leaving the full lips without a break. “It's so beautiful.”   
  
“You are, Hyungwon. You are beautiful,” he whispered and grabbed the other man’s slim thighs to turn them around, such that Hyungwon ended up straddling his lap while sitting on top of him. “I want you to wreck me,” he hissed while twitching inside Hyungwon’s body repeatedly, eager and waiting for the beautiful being to finally move.

A smirk passed over the full lips as Hyungwon curled his hands around the ancient headboard and rolled his hips, hissing himself at the sensation before he picked up speed. The Gumiho never gave a single shit about holding back when he was on top of Hoseok, slamming his hips down and growling at the way it made him feel. Hoseok could have watched him for hours, the way the big eyes closed, golden skin blushed in an even prettier colour and muscles flexed.   
  
It was more than intense, but Hoseok wanted more so he leaned forward and bit into Hyungwon’s neck, a tiny drop of blood appearing after the wound closed.   
  
“Wait, I want more.” Hoseok looked straight into the other man’s heterochrome eyes, so beautifully different and adding up with the intensity of the whole experience. 

Hyungwon growled with impatience but paused his hips, mouth remaining open and sucking in air. The calm didn't last for long as the pink-haired being rolled his lower body instead of slamming down, unwilling to stop moving altogether.

“You haven't made me scream yet,” the Gumiho whispered and removed one hand from the headboard. Smirking a little, the beautiful man used his claw to leave thin red lines on Hoseok’s chest, like he was drawing on him.   
  
_ You should. _ __  
__  
“Exactly. Which is why I’m going to catch up on that part. Stand up, palms flat against the wall,” Hoseok commanded, hoping that Hyungwon would simply comply. He wanted to hear the pink-haired being scream.

“Uh-huh,” Hyungwon remarked but he appeared doubtful as he let Hoseok’s erection slip out of him and sighed at the loss. “You should just stay inside my body at all times.”

Standing up the pink-haired being licked over his lips and placed both palms against the wall until he apparently decided that it's not enough and sank his claws into it instead.

“How is your house still habitable? Not that I care, as long as your claws are not inside my skin.” Hoseok lubed up some more and positioned himself behind the slim body, grabbing Hyungwon's thin hips with both hands. “Groan for me,” he growled and pushed himself in deeply.

Hyungwon moaned loudly, air leaving the other man's lungs in a harsh motion as his fingers curled up against the wall, force obvious from the way a few bits of tapestry fell to the ground.

“I never had to worry about losing my sanity before,” the pink-haired man hissed and groaned again, impossibly sensitive even without much adjustment of the angle. “Fuck, move, I need it.”

Hoseok needed it too so he moved out almost completely and slammed back in, aiming downwards while holding Hyungwon in a tight grip, fingernails burying themselves inside the soft flesh.

A loud scream left the other man's parted lips as he hit his forehead against the wall. The beautiful sound was accompanied by groans and attempts to push their hips together more forcefully. 

“Shit, go harder, Hoseok,” Hyungwon panted and threw his head from side to side. It was traceable how his long legs shivered from the sensitivity to Hoseok’s ministrations. “I wish you could feel this.”    
  
Oh, Hoseok could feel it, more than intensely, he had to hold back to not release himself inside the beautiful being. Breathing was hard, but Hyungwon wanted him to go harder so he did, moving his hips in an insane pace, paying attention to hit the sensitive spot and trying not to die from lack of oxygen at the same time. He removed one hand from the other man’s hips and curled it around his straight erection, stroking it while applying pressure along with the thrusts.

The eternal being was delirious, screaming his name in addition to confessions and meaningless words. The golden skin was almost shimmering with the way it looked against Hoseok’s pale body. Hyungwon must have been close, claws sliding down along the wall and leaving five defined lines on each side. The pink-haired man was like a volcano that was about to swallow him whole, setting him on fire with each sound that left his mouth and the burning body.   
  
He moved back and turned Hyungwon around before grabbing his thighs and pressing his slim body against the ruined wall. Sliding inside the hot tightness he started moving again. He bit into every bit of skin he could find while sweat ran down his temples and forehead, dropping down from the tip of his nose.

It was fascinating how absolutely effortlessly beautiful Hyungwon looked despite the pleasure that coursed through his slim body. The pink-haired being groaned loudly at his motions and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pulling him even closer. Sharp teeth attached to his skin, leaving marks until the other man sucked his earlobe between his full lips. There was not even one drop of sweat on the golden skin, but the mismatched eyes were only half lidded, thighs trembling as they held on tightly.   
  
“Touch yourself for me, my beautiful fox,” Hoseok whispered as he went even harder, feeling how something developed between them, something that covered them like a bubble such that it seemed as if they were one entity.

The other man gasped, eyes opening wide and focusing on something that was below Hoseok’s face, it was the telltale sign that something must have been happening, something that took up all the space in his lungs, filling it with warmth.

Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip, focusing his mismatched eyes on Hoseok’s. The other man allowed one hand to travel down between his legs and curl around his erection. His motions were quick, fitting to the rough thrusts.    
  
“I feel as if you and me belong together, as if we’re one,” Hoseok managed to press out in between his attempts to get more oxygen into his blood circulation, fighting off his orgasm until Hyungwon came.

“You're close, just let go, I can see it,” the mesmerising being whispered into his ear, stroking along his hair and scratching lightly over his shoulders, adding the sensations to the burning pleasure that Hyungwon's body provided him with.   
  
_ Let go. There’s nothing to be afraid of and there’s nothing besides him and you right now. _ __  
__  
He sucked in a breath, closed his eyes and saw the colorful blue fireworks exploding behind his eyelids as he buried himself deep inside Hyungwon’s body, moaning the other man’s name and still moving for Hyungwon to be able to release himself. 

It was as if the ethereal being coordinated it, tensing almost simultaneously and biting into his shoulder to suppress the scream that had threatened to leave his lips. Long fingers intertwined with the strands of Hoseok’s hair and pulled him closer to Hyungwon's pretty face, plump lips brushing against his.

“You're beautiful. The connection you are able to create is the most fascinating thing I've ever seen, Hoseok. I love you.”   
  
He would have said something, something meaningful or something deep, emotionally loaded or simply cringy, but he couldn't. Instead he just stared at those mesmerizing eyes, one the colour of amber and the other one in a shimmering ice-blue, belonging to the only being who was able to make him forget the loneliness by being the eternal loneliness himself.   
  
“Thank you for letting me stay next to you,” he whispered between the rough pants that were leaving his mouth without a break. “Where I belong.”

“I'll take care of you,” Hyungwon whispered with a smile although he was the one in Hoseok’s arms. The beautiful man seemed so tender, brushing over his sweaty cheek and placing a kiss on his curved lips. “Thank you for loving what's underneath.”   
  
It wasn’t about being perfect. They weren’t a perfect match, not at all. It was painful and it hurt, physically and mentally, he missed his family and his friend, he missed his job and he missed the things he was used to. But there was this one aspect about their relationship, something that convinced him that those sacrifices were absolutely worth it.   
  
_ You will probably still die alone, Hoseok. _ __  
_  
_ __ But you won’t live while feeling alone, because you and him are one.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the Epilogue left!!!
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> Next Update on the 9th of July at 2 PM CET.
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	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last Chapter =)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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The air was blazing hot as humidity was spiking up. It was perfect to not freeze but also problematic to breathe properly. Rather amusing considering that Moscow was usually fucking cold and everything that Hyungwon hated in cold countries.

_ Where the hell did those 50% arctic fox go? _

Maybe the mixture just made him unfitting for everything above and below average temperature. Hyungwon was glad that he had the skill to just stop breathing for a while if he wanted to, but Hoseok wasn't as lucky. The black-haired man was lying on a sunbed that he had ironically pulled into the shadow of the garden area in front of their house. 

It was difficult to regret choosing a house with a garden at the sight, something that the other had obviously wanted but didn't insist on.

_ He looked so happy when you got it. _

Hoseok was wearing a white t-shirt, basically non-existent shorts and relaxed after a long work day. A small smile passed over Hyungwon's face at the way the doctor's eyes had lit up when he had gotten a job as a surgeon at one of the bigger clinics in the city. Sure, it was Russia and they didn't pay shit, but luckily they didn't have to worry about that.

Hyungwon strengthened the repellent on the house as he felt a few curious individuals coming closer, probably asking for some kind of ingredient to cook that they didn't have again, it happened often enough.

His energy levels were good after his recent performance, acting out someone that he was not.

_ You're good at that, aren't you? _ _  
_

Just that Hoseok couldn't give less of a shit about his skills because he saw right through it all the time and just laughed his butt off whenever they got home and elaborated on all those things that Hyungwon had done that were hilarious because he actually never did them.

It was… happy. It felt happy somehow, like Hyungwon had returned to a routine, even if it wasn't his, a routine that added instead of taking away. Having Hoseok next to him felt like a small revelation, something that added depth to what he was doing.

_ Even if everything fades away in the end you were able to create something, weren't you? _

Evoking emotions was a deed. He felt it the more time passed, with his attempts to cheer Hoseok up when he was sad and missed his friends, through adjusting to the next country to enable the beautiful man to do what he liked and be who he wanted to be. Hyungwon had even started at 20 years instead of 17 to make Hoseok more comfortable around him in public.

_ You're doing all kinds of things, aren't you? _

Sure, he still got angry and threw Hoseok against the wall when he lost his temper, but it was usually because the other ended up teasing him. Nothing Hoseok couldn't take.

_ You also stopped babying him. _

Chuckling he sat down on the sunbed and brushed over the pale, naked skin of Hoseok’s legs. It was perfectly reasonable that the beautiful black-haired human would prefer the shadow, he would have gotten a sunburn in a matter of seconds. 

“Are you awake?” he whispered quietly and let his fingers sink under the short shorts along Hoseok’s thigh, enjoying how warmed up the skin was compared to the usual cool sensation.

“Mhm,” Hoseok hummed in reply and touched his hand, brushing over his arm right after. “How was your day?”

“I still don't understand why Hamlet’s main concern is whether he wants to be or not to be, but otherwise good I guess. I also don't understand why you always feel the need to expose your beauty to all of mother Russia.” Hyungwon laughed and attempted to pull Hoseok’s shorts a little lower, to cover more of the muscular thigh. He didn't really care about the other man being naked but he had to use a mass of effort to keep people away because they tended to get intrigued when they saw the black-haired man. It was a bother and Hyungwon wanted to be alone with him.

Always.

“Aren't you greedy for someone who let others pull his choker while stripping on stage? What if I had wanted to be a stripper this time?” Hoseok chuckled and pulled him on top of himself, placing a soft kiss on his lips. 

Hyungwon laughed and returned the touch, stroking over Hoseok’s hips and dipping his fingers a little under the other man's t-shirt.

“I have no idea what you are talking about. That was Alex, I'm not Alex,” he replied with a grin and rested all of his weight on Hoseok. It wasn't much anyway. “And I did it for energy, you would be doing it for the kicks and I can give you more of those.”

“Can you though? Also why the fuck is Russian so hard? Who has four different forms of nouns when you count things? So frustrating, good that everyone knows the Latin or the German medical terminology.” The other man sighed and curled his arms tighter around Hyungwon.

Hoseok must have been struggling quite a bit with the change, but Hyungwon was glad that the terms were similar and the black-haired man was capable of working almost as efficiently and freely as before. Luckily skills were valued and therefore taken despite lacking language skills. 

“Is anyone being nasty to you? I could haunt them in their dreams,” Hyungwon replied with a grin and realized that he had forgotten to check the surroundings, strengthening the repellent again. “Don't distract me too much or one of those judgemental grandpas is going to throw stones at us because we're gay.” Hyungwon looked up to examine the other man's face in detail, looking for signs of discomfort. 

“But- is it okay for you? Being someone else I mean.”

Hoseok seemed in thought, roaming over his back and closing his eyes briefly.

“It's hard to tell. Sure, it's strange to be called by a different name, have a different birthday and a made up past, but on the other hand it makes it a little easier to deal with the loss,” the other man whispered and bit down on his lower lip.

_ He can pretend that he isn't the person that lost. Like you. _

“I, I do the same, Hoseok. I always imagine that the memories belong to the human that has passed, the one that has left and doesn't exist anymore.” Hyungwon inhaled the humid air and buried his face in the crook of Hoseok’s neck. “That way the memories I look at are just a story about someone else. Do- do you still follow them?”

Hyungwon knew that Hoseok remained aware of what happened to the people he loved and that belonged to his family. It would have been difficult to miss with how he saw the short man’s pictures on Hoseok’s computer screen. Until then he had been careful with mentioning them, not wanting to inflict pain through his words.

“I do follow Changkyun, he has an open Instagram so I can see the pictures he posts. He meets up with my mom a lot and he seems to be really good friends with Kihyun considering how many times I see his face there.” The other man chuckled and caught his gaze. “But you don't have to feel bad about this, Hyungwon, I made a decision and I'm fine with it. Are you?”

Hyungwon didn’t even need to think about this. He had spent enough days contemplating, doubting when Hoseok was crying and feeling unsure when the other man appeared unsure himself. There was not really a point in it anymore, the decision was clear and so were his feelings about it.

_ You can’t compensate the loss, but you can make him happy differently. _

“I am. I am happy like this, Hoseok. It still feels a little surreal to me that just seeing you lying in the shadow in tiny shorts makes me happy, but it does. I am glad that you are able to do what you want and enjoy and I am happy that you can do all of that while being next to me.” Hyungwon drew a deep breath of the humid air and frowned a little, but it wasn’t enough to beat the wide smile on his lips. “I’m even happy even though it is way too humid to breathe.”

“The thing is just, when you left back then, all the things I had, my job, my friends and my family didn't manage to heal the pain. I had it all but I was still lonely somehow. Right now it does hurt sometimes to not be able to be next to them, but then there's you, lying on top of me, smiling at me with your pretty sharp teeth and those mesmerizing eyes and I feel like it's exactly where I belong, Hyungwon.” Hoseok smiled and it was one of those stunning ones, where he showed his teeth and his eyes turned into thin crescents.

“I was thinking about how I am to leave something. I am not sure if that makes sense to you, but everything always appeared meaningless to me because time passed and its value was reduced. I thought that I wouldn’t really be able to give you anything because in the end you are going to fade and whatever I did will fade too, but-” Hyungwon stopped his elaboration as thought over thoughts that had occupied his brain over the past months returned. Breathing in the sweet scent of Hoseok’s skin he tried to focus on it and put his thoughts into words. “But nothing really disappears, does it? I always think that it does but it doesn’t. The emotions that I am able to evoke in you by being next to you, your happiness and the way you almost fall over because you laugh, those things still change something, don’t they?”

Hoseok hummed in response while brushing a strand of his pink hair behind his ear that immediately jerked at the contact.

“You change me and I change you. I can still remember how you told me that I wouldn't get anything back from you because you're a black hole. I knew that it was bullshit. There's no such thing. You know, I thought about it and I really want to paint you again, maybe you can also show me your tails, I have the feeling I need to see them for more relationship progress.” Hoseok laughed loudly, shaking a little.

Hyungwon laughed at the formulation, it sounded like they were going by a book, following each step that building a healthy relationship required. They were everything but ordinary.

“I doubt there is a guide on cross-racial relationship progress,” he said with a grin and leaned in to lick over Hoseok’s lips, to taste the scent that kept filling his nose. “I would love it if you drew on me again, Hoseok. The last time is still engraved in my memory because I enjoyed how you made me seem much less dangerous than I really am, beautiful even.”

“There are a lot of characteristics to each of us. There's not only something dangerous about you, there's also something incredibly beautiful, tender, impatient, vulnerable. All of it, so painting might point out the one or the other quality, but in the end it's still you.” Hoseok's curved lips touched his in a slow, sensual way, supported by his strong hands pulling him closer to the other man's cool body.

_ How can he speak like he’s lived for several hundred years while only being twenty-nine? _

Hyungwon didn’t know how to answer this, chest pulling together a little, but not because of pain, it was a more neutral sensation, something that simply happened as a byproduct of the human emotion that he felt. A ‘thank you’ seemed too meaningless, not expressing how grateful he was that Hoseok was able to see more to him, more than he showed willingly and more than humans were previously able to pull out of him. It seemed like Hoseok was able to see through, right to the bead and past that.

_ He gives you so much. _

“I- I want to give you something too, more than what you have already,” Hyungwon whispered and curled his arms around the firm neck, curling his fingers into the black-hair and melting into the touch of their lips, absolutely calm and independent of the need for energy. Of course it wasn’t always like that, hunger and need easily changing his perception, but Hyungwon made sure to keep that the exception, to allow himself to enjoy the other man’s presence all on its own. Hoseok continuously managed to change his ways, to affect his perception and evoke human emotions in him that weren’t familiar to him before, positive and intense ones.

_ You need to give him more of yourself. _ __  
__  
“You give me so much already, you have no idea,” Hoseok muttered and stood up, taking his body along while moving towards the entrance of their spacious house. “I think I’ve learned to see in the dark after living with you.” He chuckled.

“That’s because you’re bright enough on your own.”

 

*** __  
  


There was a lot of shuffling before he could see Kihyun, who held the camera and recorded himself, Changkyun and his mother. 

‘Can't you just enjoy the moment and not record everything? Mom doesn't even know what your face looks like because you're always staring into the stupid cam. Why am I your friend again?’ Changkyun asked and pinched Kihyun's arm while the red-haired man winked into the camera lens. Then there was his mother's voice, steady and so nice to listen to. 

‘Kids, don't fight, you're too old for that,’ she spoke and stroked over Changkyun’s head once before she reached for the meat and put a bit on Kihyun's plate, smiling warmly.

_ Isn't it weird? It's as if you're really dead and the world keeps turning without you. It's as if you've never existed in the first place. _

‘Hoseok really liked to eat the meat with the crust,’ his mother pointed out while cutting a piece of meat and placing it on Changkyun’s plate. ‘So funny that you both don't like it.’ 

‘I like it, please give me the piece,” Kihyun shouted and placed his phone on the table, covering the lens until the connection broke. 

_ You're still there and you can never repay Kihyun for what he's done and continues doing for you. _

It was one of those days when it got really hard, when the memories kept coming although he didn't ask for it. He was tired from another night shift, from patients cursing him out in a language he didn't speak properly and from Hyungwon not being home because there was a play the next day and the bolshoi theatre didn't give a shit about your human sitting at home and being sad.

He stood up from his table after turning off the laptop and walked along the dark hallway. Letting his gaze slide along the pictures that covered the white walls, he stopped in front of a mirror and turned on the light. 

His face was pale, it always was, just like his eyes were a dark-brown colour, gaze intense as usual and black bangs covering his forehead. Hoseok brushed his hair back and leaned in closer.    
  
_ You can act out a role and play someone you are not, but time will not be bullshitted by your attempts, Hoseok. Time is merciless and it doesn’t care. _ __  
__  
He studied the tiny wrinkles on his forehead, they were barely visible, but they were there. He was going to turn thirty and he could see it while looking at his reflection in the mirror.   
  
_ Are you born to live or are you born to die? _ __  
__  
_ Is it relevant, Hoseok? _ __  
__  
It wasn’t and it wasn’t his job to answer it. His job was to live and to use the limited time he had to make himself and the person next to him happy.    
  
He pulled out his notebook of small memories and opened a new page.   
  
‘ _ Today I was happy, because I realized that although I have wrinkles and I’m getting old, I have my Gumiho, who’s staying next to me although I’ll be old, ugly and helpless. If I live long enough that is. Either way, Hyungwon, you make me happy.’ _ __  
__  
He had wanted to leave something behind, but he didn’t want it to be something cringy, emotional and filled with how much he loved Hyungwon and all that buzz. He wanted simple things, one shots, a small thought every day. Turning back two pages he read the first entry and chuckled.   
  
‘ _ Today I was happy, because you walked along the hallway so fucking elegantly, like a model and then you sneezed and fell forward, almost faceplanting the carpet. I think I’ve never laughed so hard in my whole life.’  _   
  
If he was honest the notebook had also been created for him. He had been taking it out when it was especially hard, when he missed his mom or Changkyun or when everything simply sucked and he kept asking himself whether his decisions in life were appropriate. A person couldn’t be happy and positive all the time, there was no way, so he had to create a possibility for himself to get back to his positive attitude even if everything else sucked.   
  
_ It sucks that he’s not home. _ __  
__  
Just as the thought crossed his mind, the heavy door opened and Hyungwon walked in throwing his things on the floor like he didn’t give a shit about proper human etiquette.

Which he didn't.   
  
_ Why should he? He’s neither human, nor does he need to have etiquette. _ __  
__  
“Why are you so late? What if I die and you’re not home,” Hoseok whined, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

The other man looked up as he slipped out of his shoes, frowning a little at Hoseok’s words.

“I check up on you all the time, I would have realized if your energy levels changed,” Hyungwon replied eventually and walked towards him, curling his arms around Hoseok’s waist. “Is there any reason to worry? I'm sorry for being late, but you know that they go crazy a day before the performance, going through everything several times. Thank god I got away before the moon showed itself. Fuck my life.”   
  
Hoseok melted into the embrace because there could only be one actor inside the Gumiho house, and that was the Gumiho himself. There was no point.   
  
“Why? You never had problems before, you just slept through the full moons, didn’t you?” Hoseok wondered why the other man suddenly worried about the full moon for no reason.

“Ah, usually I make sure to be home and then it doesn't matter. It's just that I need ridiculous amounts of energy to keep my form, it's draining to say the least.” The beautiful being sighed loudly and rested his head on Hoseok’s shoulder while still holding him tightly, minimizing the space between their bodies. “You smell delicious.”   
  
“And you are delicious, I haven’t touched you for a thousand years with our mental schedule, I thought we were going to enjoy life, but we’re just an overworked cardiovascular surgeon and an overworked Gumiho.” Hoseok chuckled and raked through the beautiful pink hair, silky strands slipping through the spaces between his fingers and leaving a pleasant sensation behind.

“Then enjoy the time that we have. What would you like to do, Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked calmly and placed a kiss to Hoseok’s forehead. “What do you think I've been doing all these years? Working mainly. I still want you to paint on me though.”   
  
“I should, it’s been a really tiring week to be honest. Kihyun was amazing as always and did a video call while eating out with mom and Changkyun. He’s doing a better job at being human, than most humans do,” he whispered and kissed Hyungwon’s beautiful, red lips.

“He's-" the pink-haired man began but stopped himself. “Special, I guess.” Hyungwon was doing a great job pretending to be ambivalent and uninterested in his friendship with the red-haired man but moments like this made it painfully obvious, long fingers tightening at Hoseok’s sides and eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds. “I'm glad he's able to help you with taking part in their lives.”   
  
“He’s less of a coward in comparison to me, so I respect him a lot. Either way I thought about what I wanted to paint on you. I decided and we could do it now, if you want to.” Hoseok leaned back a little and studied Hyungwon’s facial expressions.

A grin spread the plump lips as the pink-haired man nodded and stepped away, opening the first two buttons of his shirt. There were a few drops of sweat on the golden skin. Hoseok had never seen Hyungwon sweat.   
  
_ But he seems okay though. _

“Everybody is more of a coward than Ki,” he muttered and gestured towards the living room. “Or do you want to draw somewhere else? Bedroom, the study, the library?”   
  
_ Where the moonlight shines the most. _ __  
__  
“I guess we should do it in the bedroom, the moonlight is really pretty there, because I don’t want to turn on the light.” Hoseok loosened his grip and went to the cupboard next to his favourite painting and pulled out a drawer with his materials. He immediately went shopping after arriving in Moscow, although Hyungwon had nagged on him about filling his furniture with ‘stuff’.

“Ehm, sure,” the beautiful being remarked and played with the fabric of his silk shirt before unbuttoning some more. “I'll get undressed then.”   
  
“Please do.” Hoseok pulled the case out and took it along, watching Hyungwon undress. “Is something up? You can ride me for twenty minutes without looking remotely tired, but you seem to be sweating. What’s wrong?” He couldn’t help but worry at the unusual signs.

“Ah, just the effort, remember?” Hyungwon replied, pretending to be nonchalant as he took off his shirt and slipped out of his jeans. There seemed to be some strain connected with the motions, hands shivering a little bit until the handsome man made his way to the bedroom, disappearing under the blanket judging by the sound.   
  
Hoseok followed and started building up his materials, preparing brushes and colors. There were two. Red and white.   
  
“We can also postpone it if you’re not feeling well,” he commented before he closed the distance and leaned down to kiss the other man’s lips.

“I'm fine, just trying to not freak you out,” Hyungwon replied and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pulling him down into the kiss and licking into his mouth, spreading warmth through Hoseok’s chest.   
  
“Why freak out? Do you have rabies?” Hoseok laughed and stroked over the other man’s pink hair. “I doubt that you can freak me out at this point.”

Hyungwon chuckled at the comment and held on, pressing another kiss to Hoseok’s lips.

“No, I'm just trying not to spurt nine tails with all of that moonlight.”   
  
“I think it’ll fit even better, as you’re going to be a pink fox today.” Hoseok smiled brightly and pulled a chair to the bed, placing his brushes and the paint on top of it before he started to mix the colour. Pink.

“You want to paint me in pink?” Hyungwon asked in surprise and sat up on the bed, mismatched eyes widening. “Why a fox? I could just turn into one if you want to see what it looks like. I'm bigger than a usual fox though.”   
  
“Mhm, I want to paint you like a fox, because you’re not really a fox and not really a human so I’m going to paint it on your human form. It would be harder to paint a human on your fox form though with all the fur and everything.” Hoseok grinned and continued mixing the colours.

“You have a point there,” Hyungwon murmured as his gaze intensified and he removed the blanket completely, slipping closer towards Hoseok. The way the pink-haired man didn't look away from him was sufficiently intense to feel it even when Hoseok was focused on the colour. Suddenly he felt something soft stroke along his leg, impossibly hot but way too far away from Hyungwon's body to be him.   
  
_ Could be a tail. _ __  
__  
Hoseok was really good at appearing unbothered, it worked the first time they had met and it was still something he didn’t need many resources for, so he continued mixing the colour until he was satisfied with the result. The pink was almost exactly the same as the colour of Hyungwon’s hair, cherry-blossom pink. After placing the container to the side, Hoseok took a brush and finally lifted his gaze, focussing it on Hyungwon’s face.   
  
“Ready, Mr. Fox?”

Hyungwon grinned at him as a fluffy pink tail, intermixed with a few almost white coloured patches slid towards Hoseok’s face and brushed a black strand of hair away from his face. 

“Always,” he whispered and rearranged on the bed, removing his legs from under his body and stretching them out in front of him. The one tail that had been brushing over Hoseok’s leg continued to do so while the others simply remained behind Hyungwon, lifted up into the air.

It looked beautiful. Hyungwon’s naked skin, shimmering in the moonlight, the cherry-blossom-like hair and the long furry tails. Sure, nobody taught him about Gumiho anatomy in university and it was kind of freaky, but Hyungwon was still the most beautiful being he had ever encountered. He couldn’t wait to see him covered in pink paint.   
  
“You’re so incredibly beautiful, if I wasn’t sure that it was real I would’ve guessed that it must’ve been lsd paired with amphetamines. And even if it was I’d probably take it again,” he whispered, overwhelmed by the sight and grabbed a brush, dipping it into the pink colour right after.

“Would you like me to stand to not cover the bed in paint?” Hyungwon asked and lifted his hips off the bed, examining Hoseok’s expressions carefully. “It doesn't weird you out? The tails I mean.”   
  
“It seems to be quite a challenge for my prefrontal cortex to keep track of the additional nine limbs that could randomly touch me, but in general, no.” Hoseok couldn’t help the grin as he pulled Hyungwon’s hand to help him up. It was fascinating how the beautiful eyes widened and the sensation of soft fur surrounded him as the beautiful man used all of his tails in reflex, holding onto his body to keep stable. 

“Sorry,” Hyungwon murmured with a grin as he let go again, curling the tails around one of the bed poles instead. There was something about Hyungwon when he showed his tails, he seemed somehow more vulnerable and affectionate. Even cute.   
  
“You’re so fluffy, makes me want to pet you,” Hoseok whispered with a bright grin and stepped closer touching Hyungwon’s neck with the soaked brush and applying the paint onto the golden skin. It looked beautiful.

“I could still slap you against the wall,” Hyungwon remarked with a shrug, but his eyes narrowed a little, the tell tale sign that the pink-haired man got offended, at least a little. “I'm not a pet and now I have even more possibilities to restrain you.”   
  
“I’m not scared, especially not of a pink fox.” Hoseok was provoking and he knew it too but he simply couldn’t help it. He moved the brush as if nothing special happened, painting more and more of the shimmering skin into the beautiful colour of cherry blossoms.

He could feel how one of the tails curled around his ankle tightly while Hyungwon's body remained still, pretty, pink eyebrow rising in question.

“Are you making fun of my fur colour and assuming that it makes me less dangerous, human?” he asked slowly as he drew a deep breath.   
  
“Are you really asking me that? After almost killing me twice and giving me scars all over my body? Maybe I should make fun of your brain,” Hoseok commented, hoping that Hyungwon wouldn’t lift him by his ankle hereby creating a giant mess with the pink colour.

Another tail curled around his hand with the paint as Hyungwon hummed, brushing over Hoseok’s chest with his fingertips and watching him intently.

“Nice save. However I act on many years of experience that you simply cannot grasp yet, therefore you misjudged my actions.” A chuckle left the plump lips as Hyungwon continued the path of his fingers and caressed Hoseok’s thigh. “You look really concentrated when you paint. I love it.”   
  
“Thank you for this compliment, I’d like to continue.” He lifted his gaze and stared into the wide, mismatched eyes. No matter how many times he had seen them, it still reminded him of the one time he had met Hyungwon for the first time.

“I'm not stopping you,” the pink-haired being whispered and brushed his long fingers over Hoseok’s groin, basically walking along it with two fingers that he used like legs. Cupping it Hyungwon continued with his thighs until he repeated the whole game again.   
  
_ He’s trying to rile you up. Sneaky. _ __  
__  
“You’re not? Fine then.” They were so stubborn, that it sometimes created situations where they both had to give up because neither of them was ready to lose. Hoseok lifted the brush again and painted further, sinking down to his knees to give everything back by breathing hot air against Hyungwon’s naked thighs and lower stomach and painting tender circles between the other man’s legs.

“I'm pretty sure that I cared less the first time you did this,” Hyungwon whispered and stroked over Hoseok’s body with his tails, but such that they didn't disturb him while painting. The comment became even more obvious as the other man's body reacted to the contact, skin colour adjusting a little and erection visible. “You make me react.”   
  
“The first time I was pretty busy with the possibility of you dying of tachycardia while I painted a cherry blossom tree on you, which is why I didn’t react to your attractiveness and your sneaky luring, but now you’re mine and you don’t even lure me, but you’re so fucking beautiful that I can’t concentrate.” Hoseok closed his eyes and sucked in a breath, trying to get his shit together and paint. It wasn’t even hard, it was just pink with a little white to make it seem like fur, but the other man kept distracting him.

“I was busy with wanting to eat you back then,” Hyungwon remarked with a laugh and intertwined his fingers with Hoseok’s hair, raking through it. “I thought that you were a steak that walked right into my arms, but well, apparently not. I'm thinking so differently now, it's strange. But I like it.”   
  
“I guess I have to thank myself for being stubborn,” he commented and applied more colour to Hyungwon’s inner thighs. He was so tempting that Hoseok couldn’t think properly. There was his short exhale next to the other man’s groin, a brief pull on his hair as a reaction and he snapped, letting the brush fall to the ground and dipping his hands into the paint, grabbing Hyungwons thighs and spreading the pink with his hands over the other man’s hot skin.

A gasp left the full lips as something soft and hot circled around Hoseok’s legs and upper arms again, a reaction to the sudden movement.

“You should also thank your almost allergic reaction to my abilities,” the pink-haired being whispered and moved closer towards Hoseok. “That way you were able to touch me without danger.” A low purring sound followed as Hyungwon's hands pulled stronger at Hoseok’s hair. “Fuck, I love it when you touch me.”   
  
And Hoseok loved touching him. So fucking much. He drenched his hands in paint once again and pulled Hyungwon closer while staining his own shirt. He spread more pink colour over the other man’s back and licked over a paint-free collarbone, feeling how the tension almost exploded in his lower stomach at the longing he felt to be close to the mesmerizing being.  
  
“I’m going nuts, Hyungwon. You make me go absolutely crazy without that magical stuff of yours,” Hoseok hissed and caught the other man’s plump lower lip with his teeth.

The beautiful man moaned and melted into the touch, pulling him closer with the help of two tails that curled around Hoseok’s waist and kept him in place. Licking into his mouth Hyungwon curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, covering him in more paint while surrounding him with familiar heat.

“I want you,” the low voice whispered into his ear as mismatched eyes settled on his, pupils pulling together until there were only thin lines left.   
  
“Good, because I can’t breathe next to you, the tension is suffocating me,” Hoseok hissed and got rid of his shirt before clashing their lips together and curling his arms tightly around Hyungwon’s waist, pulling him flush against his chest.

The other man must have wanted the contact just as much with how he used everything available to attach himself further, curling his arms tightly around Hoseok’s neck and several tails around his hips and legs.

“Your scent is intoxicating,” the pink-haired being gasped and licked over Hoseok’s lips, dipping his tongue between them and tasting him. He kissed back eagerly and felt the anger boiling inside his veins at the fabric that still separated their bodies. He wanted to take it off but he also didn’t want to part, it was beyond frustrating.   
  
“I should've just painted on you while being naked, shit,” he groaned.

Hyungwon didn't reply and merely attached himself further, hands staying around Hoseok’s neck and tongue licking inside his mouth eagerly.  Suddenly a growl left the beautiful man's chest before Hoseok felt the same hot and soft sensation from before making its way into his jeans until he felt them leave his legs, fabric tearing from the force that Hyungwon used to rip it. The sound that passed through the full lips was pure relief as the pink-haired being jumped up and curled his legs around Hoseok’s hips.   
  
He grabbed the slim thighs and threw himself onto the bed such that Hyungwon ended up sitting on top of him. Leaning forward he nibbled on the unpainted skin, sinking his teeth into the soft surface and moaning at the friction Hyungwon was able to create just by shifting on top of his lap.    
  
“I want you, Hyungwon. Now, I want you now,” he groaned in frustration.

The ethereal being on top of him hissed and rolled his hips, hands holding onto Hoseok’s shoulders as one tail moved to the bedside drawer and opened it, curling around one of the bottles inside and placed it into Hoseok’s palm.

“I hate preparation, I don't even care,” the pink-haired man murmured and rolled his hips again, tails moving around him in disorder, showing how impatient and frustrated he really was. “I want to feel you inside of me.”   
  
Hoseok opened the bottle and covered his erection before he focused his gaze on the beautiful mismatched eyes, staring at him as if Hyungwon was about to snap. 

He loved it.   
  
“Sit on me,” Hoseok whispered after licking his lips in anticipation.

Not even a second passed before the mesmerizing man lined up and sank down on his erection until the slim, hot thighs were touching his, sending sparks through his lower body. 

“Fuck,” Hyungwon groaned and lifted up again, slamming down without much delay. His full lips were parted as he moved his body in a fluid motion, tails travelling along the sheets and curling around Hoseok’s arms and legs, as if the pink-haired being wasn't quite aware of their location but wanted to hold on, to be as close as possible. The pink colour that covered most of the golden skin was beautiful and fit perfectly with the other man. It looked like a dream.   
  
Hoseok moved his hips in sync while his hands escaped the tails and travelled along Hyungwon’s lean thighs and stomach.

Suddenly the mismatched eyes opened wide as the Gumiho stared at something that appeared to happen between them, reaching out with his fingers and gasping as he curled them around thin air, tails sliding back to curl around Hoseok’s arms. 

“I need to show you something,” Hyungwon whispered and scratched over Hoseok’s chest lightly, pulling him closer.   
  
_ There is always something you haven’t seen yet. _ __  
__  
“Show me, Hyungwon,” Hoseok whispered and focused his attention on the other man’s face.

“I want to give you the bead, but it might hurt,” the full lips whispered against his, leaning in as close as possible.    
  
Pain wasn’t something Hoseok was afraid of so he nodded and waited for Hyungwon to act.

The hot lips touched his as a familiar burning spread through his body, painful but nothing he couldn't take. The familiar sensation of hot fog passed through his lips, filled out his mouth and changed his perceptions, sharpening his senses and allowing him to smell the paint and the delicious scent of the woods. It was absolutely overwhelming, Hyungwon’s skin felt less hot under his fingertips and the colour he mixed seemed to consist of dozens of different shades. Most importantly he could see how a visible aura surrounded Hyungwon’s body, a bright white light infused with bright blue sparks that transcended into the surroundings but was especially concentrated around his slim silhouette.   
  
“You’re even more beautiful if I see you like this,” he whispered, not knowing what else to say and feeling his emotions mixed with arousal and made it hard to speak.

“Look between us, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered and stroked over his hair, continuing to move his body but with less strength than before. “Look at how you changed me. Your life force is everywhere now.”    
  
_ Remember how he told you that your life force is blue whereas his is white, like the bead. _ __  
__  
He concentrated his extremely sharpened senses on the space between their bodies. It was breathtakingly beautiful how the white-bluish fog-like aura intertwined with his deep-blue one.    
  
_ It’s the connection he was talking about, isn’t it? _ __  
__  
Hoseok curled his fingers around the other man’s thighs and moved his hips, watching how bits of his own energy transferred to the middle and painted the connection. Hyungwon started moving, adding his own white aura to the mesmerizing sight. Hoseok really wanted to see how it looked like when they both gave their part till the end.

The other man seemed to read his intentions, speeding up his movements and scratching over Hoseok’s chest with his claws and tails curling around Hoseok’s legs. Hyungwon threw his head back in pleasure, lips parted as bigger sparks of white energy loosened from his silhouette and joined the bright blue of Hoseok’s between their bodies.    
  
He was close, perceptions overwhelming and drowning him in addition with the bodily sensations Hyungwon was providing him with. He curled a hand around the other man’s erection and stroked it while applying pressure to the tip and moving his hips to hit deeper.

He could see how Hyungwon got closer to orgasm with each movement, something in the brightness of his life force changing until it exploded, mixing with Hoseok’s as a beautiful scream left the full lips and slim thighs shivered at the outburst of pleasure. It was perfect as his body tensed completely before releasing a huge portion of blue energy that mixed with the white fog and rained down on both of them like beautiful, glowing rain of crystals. Some were white and some were blue, he couldn’t tell which was his own and which was Hyungwon’s as it seemed as if they shared it.    
  
All of it.   
  
_ You’re one, Hoseok. He is painted by you and you’re painted by him. _

The beautiful man leaned down and closed the distance between their lips, temperature almost equal and touch impossibly soft.   
  
_ You have to give it back, Hoseok. _ __  
__  
He parted his lips and licked into Hyungwon’s mouth, waiting for the pink-haired man to take back what was his.

The sensation of fog filled his mouth as it slowly slipped out and diffused into the other man, sharpened senses leaving him just like the extreme awareness of his surroundings, of Hyungwon's scent and of the palette of colours that covered the beautiful man's skin. Drawing a deep breath the beautiful pink-haired man let himself fall on top of him, arms curling around his neck.   
  
Hoseok sucked in a deep breath, feeling how his resources reduced significantly, probably due to the bead. He opened his eyes and looked down on himself. Hyungwon’s head was covered in pink paint, just like his own skin, pink stains randomly covering his chest and abdomen, one arm and half of his thigh. Hyungwon didn’t look any better, the paint was smeared such that golden skin shone through while the tails also seemed to be slightly covered in paint.   
  
_ You’re a fucking mess. _ __  
__  
“Hyungwon? Do you think we ended up together because we’re both mental?” he asked, laughing at the sight.

“Definitely,” was the quick answer, low voice tickling the skin of his neck.   
  
There they were, lying in a bed, covered in pink tint, sweat and other bodily fluids in a country far away from what he used to call his home, he and his partner, a human and a Gumiho, mortality and eternity.    
  
Was there an opposite word for loneliness?   
  
_ Who knows. _   
  


  
\- The End -   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

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**Author's Note:**

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